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1
00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,072
Previously on Mom...
I was thinking I could stay
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,075
an extra night for the express
purpose of taking you out.
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,576
I'd really like that.
Oh, great.
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,245
Are you kidding me? You can't
go out with Adam's brother.
5
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:14,248
And yet I've got my good bra on
and I'm headed out the door.
6
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,350
Yeah, but I actually
have to get back home tomorrow.
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,152
I'm gonna miss you.
8
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:21,422
You think we should try
the long
9
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,324
I'm game.
10
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:27,661
But while I've got you here...
11
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,634
You ready for
your coffee, babe?
12
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,069
No, thanks.
13
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,770
Starting today,
I am giving it up.
14
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,372
Seriously?
15
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,774
Coffee is your only
source of water.
16
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,244
When did water
become such a big thing?
17
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,314
Isn't it enough
that I bathe in it?
18
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,349
Where did all this come from?
19
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,450
I read it on Facebook.
20
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,652
"Five Things You Should Give Up
for a Happier Life."
21
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,487
Was number one Facebook?
22
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,292
Hey, how come you guys
didn't wake me up for school?
23
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,493
'Cause you're not seven.
24
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:03,331
I wish I was.
I liked living alone.
25
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,832
You want a bagel?
26
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,201
Thanks, but all I need
is coffee.
27
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:10,238
How sad to be so dependent.
I remember those days.
28
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,707
She gave up coffee
30 seconds ago.
29
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,243
Good for you.
30
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,111
You're a dead man.
31
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,380
:
She's just kidding.
32
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,115
Help me.
33
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,884
Oh, damn.
34
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,287
I just missed another
phone call from Patrick.
35
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:29,223
How does this happen? I was
holding my phone in my hand.
36
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,325
Why do you hate love?
37
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,194
Why don't you stop
playing phone tag
38
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,263
and just drive down
to Santa Cruz to see him?
39
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,732
When? We have
totally opposite schedules.
40
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,668
Relationships are torture.
41
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,304
Like waterboarding with sex.
42
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,374
That's the sort of comment
that used to bother me
43
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,776
when I was under the thumb
of the brown god.
44
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:55,616
This long-distance thing
is just so frustrating.
45
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,253
I'm not sure Patrick and I
can make it work.
46
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:02,490
For what it's worth,
I hope you guys figure it out.
47
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:07,195
Oh, my God,
I just missed his call again!
48
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,829
How, how, how?!
49
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,666
I'll see ya later.
50
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,236
Boy, I do not miss dating,
you know what I mean?
51
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,171
Take a sip of your coffee
and kiss me.
52
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:26,180
Hey, Patrick, sorry I missed
your call, yet again.
53
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,448
I dropped my phone
in the fountain
54
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,782
in front of the library.
55
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,418
I was making a wish.
56
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:32,453
Actually, I was wishing
you would call me.
57
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,887
Ironic, right?
58
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,489
Is it ironic?
59
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,358
That's a word I should
probably stay away from
60
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,860
until I figure out
what it really means.
61
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:43,364
Anyway, my phone
still works, so...
62
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,534
hit me back, as the kids say.
63
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,269
Yikes.
64
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,372
Oh, by the way, this is Christy.
65
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,741
Who should've stopped
at "Sorry I missed your call."
66
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,810
Excuse me.
67
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,547
Don't I know you from
that time we slept together?
68
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,349
Hi, Cooper.
69
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,351
Sorry, I've been meaning
to catch up with you.
70
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,553
Oh, now's your chance.
You mind if I sit?
71
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:08,589
Kind of a bad time;
I-I really got to study.
72
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:12,293
Got it. I won't say a word.
73
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,765
Mm.
74
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,534
Mm.
75
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,441
:
"Bonjour.
76
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,946
You are the hottest girl
in the student center."
77
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,749
Cooper, seriously?
78
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,486
: It's not me.
He has a mind of his own.
79
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,521
: "And I cannot
get you off of it."
80
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,356
Very funny.
81
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:45,493
"I am not trying to be funny,
I am trying to be sexy.
82
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:46,694
:
Hon, hon, hon."
83
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,529
By being lame?
84
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,963
"Oh, that depends.
85
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,433
Is it working,
mon petit ketchup packet?"
86
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,407
"That was fantastique."
87
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,410
It worked; knock it off.
88
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,445
*
89
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,506
Hey.
90
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,875
Oh, geez, you scared me!
91
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,944
I thought you gave up coffee.
92
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,480
My head is pounding,
my colon's in gridlock,
93
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:43,884
and I winged a butter plate at
Adam, so I'm back on the bean.
94
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,519
Yeah, yeah, good for you.
95
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,954
I had sex with Cooper.
96
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,757
I'm sorry, what?
97
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,792
I know. I feel so guilty.
98
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:52,860
Why?
99
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:54,628
Because I'm seeing someone.
100
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,665
Patrick? Oh, come on,
you haven't even slept with him.
101
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,333
Believe me, I want to,
102
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,403
but our genitals are never
in the same ZIP Code.
103
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,605
And that's not gonna change
anytime soon,
104
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,440
so you're free to do
whatever you want.
105
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,610
It's like prison.
Nobody's married, nobody's gay.
106
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,582
Whoa, Mom.
107
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,083
You actually made me
feel better.
108
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,485
Thank you.
109
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,387
You act like it's the first--
110
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,721
You're welcome.
111
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,792
Ugh, please
don't tell Adam.
112
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,428
Why would I tell him
you're cheating on his brother?
113
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,063
He would see it that way.
I don't. Keep hugging.
114
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,669
:
Ah...
115
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,608
You never know how much you love
something until you give it up.
116
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:44,412
You realize you're talking
to a table full of addicts?
117
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,647
I don't see the connection.
118
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,683
So, Christy,
I'm confused.
119
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,819
At your age,
it's only gonna get worse.
120
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:55,489
Are you and Cooper dating again?
121
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,826
No. It was just
a one-time thing.
122
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,662
Well, a two-time thing.
123
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,831
I swung by on the way over here.
124
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,733
Oh, look at you having it all.
125
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,702
If you get a bladder infection,
I'm gonna be so proud.
126
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,705
So you like this boy.
127
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,874
No, I like Patrick.
128
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,743
I'm just having fun with Cooper.
129
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:19,012
Be careful, with your bladder
and your heart.
130
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,685
I'm fine.
131
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,087
Guys do this stuff all the time.
Why can't I?
132
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,858
Because you can't be intimate
without getting attached.
133
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:31,925
Just 'cause I'm sober?
134
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,994
No, because you're you.
135
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,996
I can do it, Bonnie can do it...
136
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:39,567
Can do it blindfolded, and have.
137
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,569
I'm doing it right now.
138
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,872
He's an anesthesiologist.
I feel nothing.
139
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,774
I'm sure
he doesn't either.
140
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,916
Where you headed?
Cooper's.
141
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,017
Dressed like that?
142
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,119
That's the beauty
of this thing.
143
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,823
It requires
virtually no effort.
144
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,191
I text two words:
"You up?"
145
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,727
And bam, it's on.
146
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,764
One time it auto-corrected to
"Soup?" but it still happened.
147
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,167
Hey, where you off to?
148
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:17,805
Uh... to the store.
149
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,674
Not the close one, the one
across town with the olive bar.
150
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,975
God, I love olives.
151
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,212
Anyway, I might be a while.
152
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,481
Would you mind
picking up some coffee?
153
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,717
Your mom's blowing through
a bag a day.
154
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,820
Sure.
155
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,121
BONNIE:
Well, as long as
156
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,990
you're going... to the store...
157
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,561
...could you pick up some soup?
158
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:46,534
Everybody loves
a nice, hot, sexy bowl of soup.
159
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,703
Yeah, soup would be great.
160
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,906
Got it.
161
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,975
Coffee and soup.
162
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,677
She's the best.
163
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,912
My brother does
not deserve her.
164
00:07:58,946 --> 00:07:59,880
Aw, that's sweet.
165
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,582
You should've told her that
before she left.
166
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,924
Oh, my God, it gets better
every time.
167
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,293
Sure does.
168
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,862
I got to go.
169
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,163
Wait. Wait.
170
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,799
Why are you always in
such a hurry to leave?
171
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,935
Well, I'm busy, you're busy.
172
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,537
Busy, busy, busy.
173
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,973
Yeah, but this is
working, right?
174
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,975
Works for me.
175
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,610
I'm free Tuesday at 5:00,
176
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,912
as long as I'm back
in my car by 20 after.
177
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,914
Christy, come on.
178
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,717
This isn't just
hooking up anymore.
179
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,619
It isn't?
180
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,920
No.
181
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:43,557
I am totally falling
in love with you.
182
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,969
Yup.
183
00:08:56,003 --> 00:09:00,073
* Falling in
love with you. *
184
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,344
But you're
a 24-year-old guy.
185
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,947
24-year-old guys
don't fall in love.
186
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,217
My mom says
I'm an old soul.
187
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,754
Well, I am
a much older soul.
188
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,289
And I have a lot of baggage.
189
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,158
Lots and lots of baggage.
190
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,661
Then let me help
you carry it.
191
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,696
Holy cow.
192
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:30,704
Cooper, look, I just don't have
the same feelings for you.
193
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:33,941
Oh.
194
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,676
Well, now I'm a
little embarrassed.
195
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,311
I booped your nose
and everything.
196
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,148
I thought we were just
gonna keep it casual,
197
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,150
you know,
having a good time.
198
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,653
You mean just sex?
199
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,354
Exactly.
200
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,757
I assumed we were
on the same page.
201
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:53,193
Well, we were not.
202
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:02,202
So, just to be clear,
Tuesday at 5:00 not happening?
203
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,276
Bonnie, Bonnie,
wake up. Bonnie.
204
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,111
It's sleepy time.
205
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,946
I'll throw you one
in the morning.
206
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,148
Bonnie. Bonnie.
207
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:18,051
Okay, fine, but it's not
gonna be the Fourth of July.
208
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,820
I don't want to have sex.
209
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:22,122
Why not?
What's wrong with me?
210
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,758
I'm worried about Christy; she
never came home from the store.
211
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,059
Oh.
212
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,127
Yeah.
213
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,130
Well, she takes forever.
214
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,801
She walks down every aisle,
she talks to people,
215
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,836
then she has to find
someone tall
216
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,805
to get stuff off the top shelf.
It's a circus.
217
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:41,074
Why am I more worried
about your kid than you are?
218
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:45,078
God, now you sound like
the lady from Child Services.
219
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,848
What if she got in an accident?
I think you're overreacting.
220
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,817
I think you're underreacting.
I'm gonna call the police.
221
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,251
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
222
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,387
Plunkett family rule number one:
no cops, ever.
223
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,356
What is wrong with you?
224
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,792
You know what? You're right.
225
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,994
I'm gonna text her.
226
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,863
Oh.
She actually texted me.
227
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:08,235
Uh, "Ran into Wendy.
She's having a crisis.
228
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,403
What else is new?
Be home late."
229
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,440
Huh. Well, that made me horny.
How 'bout you?
230
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:23,183
Oh, hey, you're still up.
231
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,285
Yeah. How's Wendy?
232
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,820
Wendy?
233
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,856
Yeah, your mom said
she was having a crisis.
234
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:32,092
Oh, yes. Wendy's crisis.
235
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,762
So bad.
236
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:38,198
We ate your soup
and drank your coffee.
237
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,171
Sorry to hear that.
What's wrong?
238
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,439
Ugh, I can't really
talk about it.
239
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,842
It's an A.A. thing.
It's a lady thing.
240
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,744
It's an A.A. lady thing.
241
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,212
Got it.
242
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,214
Well, glad you
made it home safe.
243
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,816
I was a little worried.
244
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,351
Oh.
245
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,953
Thanks.
246
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,354
Night.
247
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,823
Night.
248
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,860
:
Oh, damn it.
249
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,466
Adam, I lied.
250
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,136
I wasn't with Wendy.
251
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,805
I was with a guy.
252
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:19,940
A guy?
253
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,375
A guy who isn't your brother.
254
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,779
Oh.
255
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,950
Yeah, I've been seeing Patrick,
256
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,953
but I've also been
doing this other thing, and...
257
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,291
...I guess
I'm kind of embarrassed.
258
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,895
Okay.
259
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:46,834
Well, um, not proud of it,
but...
260
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:50,003
there's a part of me that's...
261
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:52,439
kind of laughing at my brother
right now.
262
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:57,244
Tempted to call him up
and rub his nose in it.
263
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,846
You can't.
264
00:12:58,879 --> 00:12:59,880
I won't. I-I won't.
265
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,249
Good, 'cause I really like him.
266
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,054
I made a mess, didn't I?
267
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,890
Like a dog after he ate
a can of chili.
268
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,892
My dog did that once.
269
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,927
We had to burn
the carpet...
270
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,400
I hope you don't think
less of me.
271
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,906
Christy, your life is your life,
but I got to tell you,
272
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,075
all this lying and
sneaking around,
273
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,576
it doesn't
sound like you.
274
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,111
Sounds more
like your mom.
275
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:35,115
Oh, my God, that's the
worst thing you could say.
276
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,251
I'm sorry. I just mean
you're better than she is.
277
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,089
She knows. I told her.
278
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:45,458
So...
279
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,528
who is this guy
who's not my brother?
280
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:52,265
Just someone
from school.
281
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,902
It was supposed
to be casual.
282
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,904
My attempt
at being a dude.
283
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:00,040
But then he went and screwed it
up by having feelings for me.
284
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,542
Hold on. Did you set
up the ground rules?
285
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,112
No, I just assumed
we were on the same page.
286
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,880
Ooh, rookie mistake.
287
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:09,316
Listen, if you're
gonna act like a dude,
288
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,151
you got to set
up the rules.
289
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,187
You got to say things like "I'm
not looking for a relationship,
290
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,989
"I'm not built for
a relationship,
291
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:19,226
I'm not a relationship kind of
guy," that type of nonsense.
292
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,329
Oh, you're right.
293
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,531
Guys do say that.
294
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,900
Guess I never really heard it
because at that point
295
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,468
I'm always thinking,
"I can change you,
296
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,337
I can change you,
I can change you."
297
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:34,207
When will women learn
they can't change men?
298
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:38,411
Says the man who put a ring
on my mom's finger
299
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,280
and now listens to Adele.
300
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,084
Son of a bitch.
301
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,522
Okay, how does
this sound?
302
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,024
"Dear Cooper..."
303
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,192
BONNIE:
Bad.
304
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,561
It's a text,
not a letter from camp.
305
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,330
Don't send anything.
306
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,632
But I need him to forgive me.
307
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,435
How many times have
you apologized?
308
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,937
Four...
309
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,406
teen.
310
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,308
Did you try an
Edible Arrangement?
311
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:12,212
She's apologizing for
an "edible arrangement."
312
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:17,584
I am wasted
on all of you.
313
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,519
It's horrible.
314
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,521
I can't eat, can't sleep.
315
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,590
This is what I was
worried about.
316
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,058
You developed feelings.
317
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,593
WENDY:
Oh, I get it.
318
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,996
"Edible."
319
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:32,165
Cooper developed
the stupid feelings.
320
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,666
I was the dude.
321
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,502
If you were really the dude,
you wouldn't care.
322
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,137
You would ride off
on your motorcycle
323
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,705
and go shoot pool,
maybe a bear.
324
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:42,209
I'm not even listening
to her anymore.
325
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,311
Honey, you're just gonna
have to live with the fact
326
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,613
that there's somebody out there
who doesn't like you.
327
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,082
"Doesn't like you"?
He hates her guts.
328
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,617
And FYI, he's not alone.
329
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,619
MARJORIE:
I'm just saying
330
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,322
that it's not fair for you
to continue hurting him
331
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,057
just to make yourself
feel better.
332
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,060
She's so wise.
333
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,429
And yet she thought
a purple velour tracksuit
334
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,064
was a good idea.
335
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,133
Fine.
336
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,767
I'll leave Cooper alone.
337
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,036
Good.
338
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,471
Now, who else hates me?
339
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,306
Greg at
the Thursday night meeting.
340
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,775
Who's Greg?
341
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,477
The guy you always call Scott.
342
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:21,114
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?
343
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,173
Hi.
344
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,541
Oh, God, when do you graduate?
345
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,214
Look, I know I already said
I was sorry,
346
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:58,218
but I just need you to know
that I'm really, really sorry.
347
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,553
I just don't get it, Christy.
348
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,390
I mean, it would be one thing
if there was another guy.
349
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,225
Ooh, there is!
350
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,060
There's totally another guy.
351
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:08,961
Does that help?
352
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:11,598
Not as much as I hoped.
353
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:15,568
What I mean is if I was
able to actually see him,
354
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,605
I wouldn't have needed you.
355
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,440
Oops, that came out
a little harsh.
356
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,176
Everything you say
comes out a little harsh.
357
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,579
I just mean that
it's a long-distance thing,
358
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,848
and I was frustrated
because it was so complicated
359
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,383
and you were so easy.
360
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,552
Your apology is making me
want to kill myself.
361
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,755
That's not what I want.
362
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,757
Okay, then what do you want?
363
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,129
I guess I want to be
with the other guy.
364
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,296
Then go.
365
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:49,202
: "Okay. Well,
perhaps you will take comfort
366
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:52,105
"in the fact that I will die
long before you.
367
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,275
Au revoir."
368
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,424
Marjorie said moderation is key,
369
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:15,162
so I'm just gonna have
one cup of coffee a day.
370
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,563
I can live with that.
371
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,200
You must have been a fun drunk.
372
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:24,171
I had a small but fervent
cult following.
373
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:32,345
Wow. Christy's driving down
to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.
374
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:35,415
She said she's either gonna make
it work or get her heart broken.
375
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,650
I can't believe she's that
crazy about my brother.
376
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:39,586
He's kind of a tool.
377
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,554
We are so lucky
to have each other.
378
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,523
Yeah, we are.
And, hey, you don't ever
379
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,525
have to worry about
me cheating on you.
380
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,794
I wasn't, but go on.
381
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,562
I mean, juggling girlfriends,
382
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,365
trying to remember which lie
you told who, sneaking around.
383
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,534
Being with you is
so much less trouble.
384
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,304
Look at you,
writing your vows already.
385
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,938
No, no, you know
what I meant.
386
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,241
I do. And you know
if you ever did cheat on me,
387
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,609
I would take the wheels
off your chair
388
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,643
and leave you in the woods.
389
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,278
I do.
390
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,917
It's just kind of wonderful
that Christy's racing
391
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:15,588
down the highway, wind in her
hair, all in the name of love.
392
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,325
* I'm so excited
393
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,194
* And I just can't hide it
394
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,497
* I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know *
395
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,700
* I want you, I want you.
396
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,508
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
397
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,545
Captioned by
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