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1
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:04,772
Can I just say
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,108
what a miracle
duct tape is?
3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,510
It is literally holding
this building together.
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,481
Why do you even bother
with that toolbox?
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,084
Well, 'cause I need scissors
to cut the tape.
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,519
What are you doing?
7
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,721
Filling out law school
applications.
8
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:23,357
Stanford? Oh, honey.
9
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,758
This is you thinking
you had a shot
10
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,128
with Matt Dillon
all over again.
11
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,531
Hey, we had some serious
eye contact at the supermarket.
12
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,301
He was memorizing your face
for the police report.
13
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,272
Well, I'm not actually
applying to Stanford.
14
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,108
I just picked up the brochure
15
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,376
to make the other applications
nervous.
16
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,112
Well, why not send it in?
17
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,413
Maybe they have a quota
18
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,515
for bitter, lonely,
middle-aged alcoholics.
19
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,084
We can hope.
20
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,389
But meanwhile, each application
ends up costing like $200.
21
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,858
And everyone applies to at least
three or four schools.
22
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,361
Oh.
"Oh"?
23
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,630
What's that supposed to mean?
I shouldn't apply to law school?
24
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,698
I'm not gonna get anywhere,
so why even bother?
25
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,101
All I said was, "Oh."
26
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,536
Sometimes I forget
how much craziness
27
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,471
you're lugging around
in that coconut.
28
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,373
Ugh.
29
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,741
(sighs)
30
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,576
I'm sorry.
31
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,810
This is stressful.
32
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:20,114
Maybe I should just pick one
school and pray I get accepted.
33
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,149
Oh, come on.
34
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,250
This is your future.
35
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,551
Don't cheap out.
36
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,719
We'll just cut back
on some extravagances.
37
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,888
What extravagances?
38
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:32,193
Yesterday I had to sew a poorly
located hole in my underwear.
39
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,694
Well...
40
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:36,197
okay, how about those
fancy crackers you buy?
41
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:40,268
Again, Ritz Crackers
are not fancy.
42
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,503
You're just fooled by the name.
43
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,373
Well, there's got
to be something.
44
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,640
What's our biggest bill?
45
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:49,377
Probably cable and Internet.
46
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,180
We're not stealing cable?
What has happened to us?
47
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:55,716
We became better people
and that's very expensive.
48
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:59,387
Okay, well, let's give up cable
and Internet for a few months.
49
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,921
Really?
50
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:04,458
You'd do that for me?
51
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,860
Thanks.
52
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,796
Now I can apply
to all of them.
53
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:09,930
Oh.
54
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,165
Even Stanford?
55
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,566
Ugh. I don't think so.
56
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,169
Why set myself up
for getting my heart broken?
57
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:17,238
(sighs) Well, if
you change your mind
58
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,906
and your heart does break,
59
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,775
duct tape.
60
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,345
*
61
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,261
I'm just saying,
I've now given up pot,
62
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,795
pills, cocaine, alcohol
63
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,265
and most illegal activities,
64
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,768
but nothing has kicked my ass
like quitting the Internet.
65
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,503
No Facebook. No Twitter.
66
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:50,604
Ugh.
67
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,707
My 36 followers are
probably worried sick about me.
68
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:57,578
But que sera.
69
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,347
I'm doing this
for my daughter
70
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,449
because sobriety
has transformed me
71
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,984
into a thoughtful, generous,
deeply empathic being.
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,619
Not to mention humble.
73
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,256
I was too humble to say it,
so thank you.
74
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,558
Thank you all.
75
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,828
Would anyone else
like to share?
76
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,364
I'll go.
77
00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:17,865
Hi, I'm Natasha and
I'm an alcoholic.
78
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,433
ALL:
Hi, Natasha.
79
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,835
I got to tell you guys,
since I started
80
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:25,373
taking sobriety seriously,
great things keep happening.
81
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,707
I got a job.
82
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,742
I got an apartment.
83
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,611
I got my daughter back.
84
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,680
And then last night,
I met this guy,
85
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,882
and I told him I'm a songwriter,
and guess what.
86
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,851
It turns out he's a big deal
in the music business
87
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:38,919
and wants to help me.
88
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,488
How unbelievable is that?
89
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,424
Entirely unbelievable.
90
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,326
Anyway, he says he's gonna
listen to my demo
91
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,327
and get right back to me.
92
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,795
She can't be this naive.
93
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:50,498
And if he likes it,
he's gonna fly me down to L.A.
94
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,999
for the weekend
to lay down some tracks.
95
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,602
Something's gonna get laid
down, but it ain't tracks.
96
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,471
I get it.
You're skeptical.
97
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,974
Without Internet,
it's like
98
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,844
I'm much more aware
of the people around me
99
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,012
and I must say,
100
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,348
I don't like it.
101
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:12,886
On behalf of the people around
you, right back at you.
102
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,989
I'm worried about Jill.
103
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,591
Has anyone heard from her?
104
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,927
I texted her to see if she was
going to the meeting today,
105
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,329
but she said she was busy.
106
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,396
She blew me off, too.
107
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,597
Well, that doesn't
prove anything.
108
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,500
Ever since Emily moved back
with Natasha,
109
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:27,868
Jill hasn't been herself.
110
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:31,739
Are you referring to the
800 pounds she's packed on?
111
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:32,706
Don't be mean.
112
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,743
It's not mean when I
say it behind her back.
113
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,611
Wendy, would you rather
I say horrible things
114
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:38,846
to you or behind your back?
115
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,914
I'd rather you didn't
say anything.
116
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:44,084
Come on. Pick one, stupid.
117
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,553
Behind my back.
118
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,621
MARJORIE:
Ladies.
119
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,724
A friend of ours is
in a tough situation
120
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:54,462
and we have to be patient,
caring and supportive.
121
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,531
Oh, dear Lord.
122
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:05,005
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis
has entered the building.
123
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,874
Hey, hey.
(laughs)
124
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,409
What do you think?
125
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,945
(all groaning nervously)
126
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,814
Very striking.
127
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:14,715
Thank you.
128
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,050
Is this why you couldn't
make the meeting?
129
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,819
Yeah, but it's okay.
130
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,421
All the stuff I would've said
in the meeting,
131
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,490
I said to my stylist.
132
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,124
It's not the same thing.
133
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,493
Tell me about it.
134
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,694
Weird to talk about yourself
135
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,630
and no one claps
when you're done.
136
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,599
Jill, you need to keep
going to meetings.
137
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,967
I know, but I thought
since I got sober,
138
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,036
my life's supposed
to get bigger and bigger.
139
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,038
Don't.
140
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,677
(sighs)
141
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:46,414
You know, I can't
remember the last time
142
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,616
I read something
printed on paper.
143
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,117
It's weird, right?
Yeah.
144
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,453
I keep trying to make it bigger,
but nothing happens.
145
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,423
Well, I'm enjoying
being unplugged.
146
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,990
No more friends on Facebook
147
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,493
rubbing my nose in
their fancy vacations.
148
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,728
Oh, I know.
149
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,929
Then you think about
driving to their house,
150
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,897
breaking in and
stealing all their stuff.
151
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,101
No?
152
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,503
No.
153
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:13,507
Ooh, be right back.
154
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,709
Holy crap.
155
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:19,146
She's the one who stole my iPod
when I went to Reno.
156
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,081
Oh, hey there,
Beverly.
157
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,417
No chitchat till my hall
light stops flickering.
158
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,818
Consider it done.
159
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,854
Hey, while I got you, I need
to update tenant information
160
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,689
for the building owners.
What do you need?
161
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,957
Oh, the usual, you know.
162
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,692
Your mother's maiden name,
street you grew up on,
163
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,527
name of your first pet,
stuff like that.
164
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,962
Why would they need that?
165
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,197
Why do they need first
and last month's rent?
166
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,632
It's all nonsense to me.
167
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,001
I get it.
168
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,936
You're trying to crack
my Wi-Fi password.
169
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,572
(laughing)
170
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,610
Beverly, you were probably
the funniest kid
171
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,780
in your elementary school,
which was...?
172
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,015
Fine. You want to
play this game?
173
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,518
My mother's maiden
name is Bautista;
174
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,219
I grew up on Front Street,
175
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,455
and my cat was named Rascal.
176
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,023
You still won't
figure it out.
177
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,858
Oh, come on.
178
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,126
Beverly, you're acting crazy.
179
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:09,797
(under breath): Bautista, Front,
Rascal, Bautista, Front, Rascal.
180
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:15,769
"In closing, as the neglected
child of a transgender woman,
181
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:19,206
"I think I can bring
a unique perspective
182
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,975
to the University of Idaho."
183
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,578
Ah, that ought to put me
on top of the pile.
184
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:25,846
(knock on door)
185
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,948
Hey, you got a minute?
186
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:31,619
Not really, but we both know
you're coming in anyway.
187
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,187
Okay. So, the guy I met,
188
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,589
his name is Teddy Blumenthal,
189
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:36,890
but everybody calls him Dr. Ted
190
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,258
'cause he's a big deal
in the music business
191
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,561
and he played a doctor
on a soap opera once.
192
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,195
Anyway,
193
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,698
he really liked my demo and
he wants to fly me down to L.A.
194
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:46,900
Stop.
What?
195
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,135
Sit.
196
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,806
Natasha, I'm
the last person
197
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,642
who wants to crush
anybody's dreams,
198
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:59,112
but this "Dr. Ted" isn't
who you think he is.
199
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,081
Most likely he just
wants to sleep with you.
200
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,884
No, no, I specifically asked him
about that.
201
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,853
He said he didn't.
202
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,055
Yeah, they say that.
203
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,122
Next thing you know,
204
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,991
he's got his hand
down your pants
205
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:14,528
in the bathroom
at a Chili's.
206
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,096
Why is it so hard for you
207
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,698
to believe that
I'm a good songwriter
208
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,866
and this guy
just wants to help me?
209
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,934
Because men don't
just help women.
210
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,870
Have you never
watched Dateline?
211
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,539
I should've known
you were gonna be like this.
212
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,308
You don't want anybody to
succeed 'cause your life sucks.
213
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,010
Hey.
214
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,980
I am one step away from
getting into law school
215
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,083
at the University of
the Yucatán Peninsula.
216
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,885
And if you didn't want
my honest opinion,
217
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,252
why'd you come over here?
218
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,055
'Cause I'm terrified and I
thought my friend and sponsor
219
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,824
might give me
a little support.
220
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,158
And I need to borrow
a roller bag.
221
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,260
Yeah, well, I don't
have a roller bag.
222
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,063
Of course you don't 'cause
you ain't going nowhere.
223
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,302
Oh, God.
224
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,305
Why am I tormented
by these giant women?
225
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,114
Hey, what are
we watching?
226
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,152
Dancing with the Stars.
227
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:13,587
Oh, good.
228
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:18,258
Wish they could open
their curtains a little more.
229
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,728
Who is that dancing?
230
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,563
I think it's
Greta Van Susteren.
231
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,000
Maybe Owen Wilson?
232
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:32,072
You think I'm being
too hard on Natasha?
233
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,042
Let me think
about it. Yes.
234
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,010
I didn't mean
to discourage her.
235
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,312
I just don't want her
to get hurt.
I get it.
236
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,181
But you got to remember,
237
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,951
pain and suffering is what
makes people interesting.
238
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,788
(cell phone chimes)
239
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,623
Well...
240
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:50,924
Oh.
241
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,325
Speaking of which...
What?
242
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:55,195
Jill is having a meltdown
at Neiman Marcus.
243
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,898
See? Everything about
that's interesting.
244
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,900
I'll get the keys.
245
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,172
Hey, what do you know?
It wasn't Greta or Owen.
246
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,908
It was the kid from Hanson.
247
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,344
Oh, hi.
248
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,782
Uh, we're looking
for our friend, Jill Kendall.
249
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,049
She shops here a lot.
250
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,118
A lot of women shop here a lot.
251
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,653
Big girl,
might be weeping.
252
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:20,988
Room four.
253
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,360
Jill, you in there?
254
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,829
JILL:
Yeah.
255
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,263
Can we come in?
256
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,298
Okay.
257
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,302
(crying)
258
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,142
What's going on?
259
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,144
I've been shopping here
for 20 years,
260
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,713
and now nothing fits.
261
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:50,117
Well, maybe you just need
a bigger size.
262
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,120
There are no bigger sizes.
263
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,455
Even the socks
are a little snug.
264
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,024
(crying)
265
00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,694
Jill, there are other stores
we could take you to.
266
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,929
Yeah, how about Target?
267
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,164
Target?
268
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,900
Why do you hate me?
269
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,302
We don't hate you,
we love you.
270
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,172
If you loved me,
you would've said something
271
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,709
before I turned into... this.
272
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,411
We assumed you knew.
273
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,714
Yeah, and we thought
you were okay with it.
274
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,882
You were always bragging about
275
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,450
how you were picking up
all these guys.
276
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,753
I lied.
277
00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:29,923
The only men in my life were
Little Caesar and Papa John.
278
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,491
(knock on door)
279
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,093
SALESWOMAN: Ladies,
everything okay in there?
280
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,728
Can I get you
some champagne?
281
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:37,731
We can't have any champagne
because we love our sobriety
282
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,734
and our lives are
finally on track!
283
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,206
Jill, honey,
284
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,176
the program isn't just about
meetings and bad coffee.
285
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,078
You also have to
do the work.
286
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,346
You know, you
have to dig down,
287
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,850
try to discover the reasons
you do what you do.
288
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,986
I know.
289
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,855
I just don't want to.
290
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:06,326
You guys know she's got
a soft serve machine back there?
291
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,829
Nothing like soft serve
to make you happy.
292
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,864
Mom, please, not the time.
293
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,499
Sorry. Want a lick?
294
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,167
A quick one.
295
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,538
Jill, you've got
a hole inside.
296
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,908
You've had it
your entire life.
297
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:25,178
You tried to fill it with
drugs and alcohol, sex...
298
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,280
And an ice cream machine.
299
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,416
What? It had to
have played a role.
300
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,220
But there's nothing
301
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,488
that you can buy or
eat or sleep with
302
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,558
that's gonna fix
the real problem.
303
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:43,163
Well, all I know is
I got to do something different
304
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,565
because what I've been doing
sure ain't working.
305
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,534
That's a good start.
306
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,172
I think I'm gonna get me
one of those.
307
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,875
The middle handle
makes it a swirly.
308
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,844
I worked
at a Dairy Queen.
309
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,814
Odd thing to be smug about.
310
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,458
Hey.
Hey.
311
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,526
I brought you
an apology pizza.
312
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,396
My mom took a slice
when I wasn't looking,
313
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,132
so I guess
two apologies.
314
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,935
Come on in.
315
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,605
So, how'd it go in L.A.?
316
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,907
The truth?
317
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,241
Bring it.
318
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,178
It was fantastic!
You were so wrong.
319
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,380
Really?
320
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,983
Completely, totally,
embarrassingly wrong.
321
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:40,353
Here, look, Dr. Ted
sold one of my songs.
322
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,122
This is an advance.
323
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,258
He told me my
prognosis was famous.
324
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,428
This is just
for one song?
325
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,932
And you weren't
at any point naked?
326
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,034
Ooh, that's another thing
you were wrong about.
327
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,502
Dr. Ted, super gay.
328
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,338
Like, "lots of young guys
around his pool" gay.
329
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,540
You sure he wasn't just
pretending to be gay
330
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,209
so he could
get you into bed?
331
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,944
Oh, that doesn't
work on me anymore.
332
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,115
So it all worked out?
333
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,150
It did, and Emily
loved it there.
334
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,286
I mean, she got an epic sunburn
and looks like a Jolly Rancher,
335
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,223
but she's excited about moving.
336
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,291
Wait, you're moving?
337
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,928
Yeah, we're gonna
give L.A. a try.
338
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,431
Uh, Natasha, that...
339
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,367
that's wonderful.
340
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,402
Your dreams are
really coming true.
341
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,371
Well, isn't that why
you have dreams?
342
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,043
(sighs)
Damn it.
343
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:37,010
What?
344
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:40,247
Thanks to you,
I have to apply to Stanford.
345
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,683
Stanford?
346
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,153
That's a really hard school
to get into, isn't it?
347
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,955
What are you saying?
348
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,657
Well, I just don't want
your feelings to get hurt
349
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,226
if they don't--
Oh, my God, I get it!
350
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,694
That's what you
were doing to me.
351
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,965
You only seem like a bitch
'cause you love me.
352
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,700
Yeah, well, that's all
I was trying to...
353
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,671
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
My creative juices are flowing.
354
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,507
* You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you love me *
355
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,044
* You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you care *
356
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:14,581
* You only seem like
a bitch 'cause you love me *
357
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:18,018
* With your big eyes and
your stringy blonde hair. *
358
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,989
Don't worry, that's
not about you.
359
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,993
Ooh, I got to
write that down.
360
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:32,432
(laughing)
361
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,735
She gonna join us
at some point?
362
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,405
Not as long as
the Wi-Fi here works.
363
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,607
Give her a Ziploc full of
Cheerios and a juice box,
364
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,309
she's a happy
three-year-old.
365
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,178
Damn it.
What?
366
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,415
Jill's Skyping during
my Game of Thrones binge.
367
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,284
You're laughing out loud
at Game of Thrones?
368
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:54,254
Yeah, reminds me of high school.
369
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,323
Oh, good, you're all there.
370
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,424
Where are you?
371
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,160
I'm in a limousine just outside
of Tucson, Arizona.
372
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:05,465
Oh, I love Arizona. They sell
fireworks in grocery stores.
373
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,534
So, the other night,
after y'all left,
374
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,003
I did something
Marjorie told me to do.
375
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,672
I sat quietly and I tried
to meditate.
376
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,774
Next thing I knew,
I was sobbing.
377
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,744
I'm talking
uncontrollable sobbing.
378
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,147
I don't know if that's
a normal part of meditating,
379
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,415
but it caught me by surprise.
380
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,284
Why didn't you
call one of us?
381
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,753
Oh, 'cause it was a good thing.
382
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,557
Feel like I cried over all the
stuff I've done to hurt myself.
383
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,526
All the drinking,
all the men, all the drugs.
384
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,096
Now it's food.
385
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:40,367
All 'cause I don't want
to face my feelings.
386
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,469
(distorted):
It's time for me to do...
387
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,505
No, no, no.
Don't freeze. Don't freeze.
388
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,474
What are you doing?
It's not an Etch A Sketch.
389
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,178
That's what I'm gonna do.
What do you think?
390
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,049
Terrific.
Great!
Proud of you.
391
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,186
So, I'm hoping
while I'm at the spa,
392
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,521
I can fix that hole in myself.
393
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,490
They do classes
on mindfulness and stuff
394
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:07,094
to open up your chakras.
It's real spiritual.
395
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,130
On the last day,
you get to talk to a horse.
396
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,801
Anyway, the next time
you see me,
397
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,403
(distorted):
I'm gonna be...
398
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:20,240
You'll be what?
A redhead? A juggler?
399
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,209
Married to the horse?
400
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,111
Maybe just smile and wave.
401
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,245
Bye, Jill.
402
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,580
Bring back
some Roman candles.
403
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,784
Sounds like she'll
be gone a while.
404
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,087
Well, I'm glad she's
taking care of herself.
405
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,122
Yeah.
406
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,857
Hey, you remember
the security code for her house?
407
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,760
I do.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
408
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,695
Soft serve and a dip
in the pool?
409
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,066
Check, please.
410
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,538
Oh, God, Jill's not here.
Who's gonna pay?
411
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,819
Impressive.
How'd you do that?
412
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,556
I hate to admit it, but Wendy
showed me some tricks.
413
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,225
You look sad.
414
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,693
I kind of am.
415
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,663
See? You're in pain,
and now I'm interested.
416
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:19,299
What's going on?
417
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,502
I feel like applying to Stanford
was a huge mistake.
418
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,237
Why?
(sighs)
419
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,774
Now I'll be tortured for months
waiting to find out if I got in.
420
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,743
If I didn't, I'll be crushed.
421
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,479
And if I did, holy crap.
422
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,147
I'll have to go to Stanford.
423
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:37,917
Can... can we pause a second
and compare your life today
424
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,387
to where you were
five years ago?
425
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,854
Your biggest problem used to be
426
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:45,692
how to give a satisfying
lap dance to a fat guy.
427
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,863
And now, you know,
here you are worried
428
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,600
about getting into one of
the best schools in the country.
429
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,535
You're right.
430
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,704
Look at me with
my classy problems.
431
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:02,375
Whatever happens, I'm just
proud of you for applying.
432
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,578
Thanks, Mom.
433
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:09,182
(laughing)
434
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:09,816
What?
435
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,151
(laughing):
Nothing.
436
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,755
Just you going to Stanford.
437
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,825
It's funny.
438
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,794
Hey, why don't you apply
to Harvard while you're at it?
439
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,930
(mocking laughter)
440
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:24,931
Oh...
441
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:28,668
Oh, uh, hey, could I see that
for a second?
442
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,370
Yeah.
Thanks.
443
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,905
Oh!
444
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,678
Looks like a job for duct tape!
31736
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