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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,605
I thought we'd work
in here 'cause, uh,
2
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,276
well, it's the only room
with a table.
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:10,511
Huh. You don't have
a dedicated workspace?
4
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,647
I don't have
a dedicated bathroom.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,184
Can I get you
something to drink?
6
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,751
Uh, you have Coke?
7
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,121
I have cola.
8
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,255
You have Smartwater?
9
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:23,424
I have sink water.
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,527
I'll take the cola.
11
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,330
It's kind of awkward
when the professor pairs you up
12
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,798
with someone you don't know.
13
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,266
Totally.
14
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,567
Well, at least
15
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,503
neither of us got
"Throat Clearing Guy."
16
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,306
Oh, I actually got
Throat Clearing Guy
17
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,640
on the last project.
18
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,309
It did not go so...
19
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,144
(clears throat) ...well.
20
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:47,781
Anyway, I, uh, figured
we'd do this on my laptop.
21
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,317
Oh.
22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,853
I mean, unless you have N-voke.
23
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,488
That depends.
24
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,490
What is it?
25
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,692
Presentation software.
26
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:02,363
Like Powerpoint, only not,
because it doesn't suck.
27
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:06,734
I have pirated Word '97.
28
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,637
And I used it to write up
the first seven precepts
29
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,705
of conflict resolution
as it pertains to...
Yeah.
30
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,408
Relax. I got this.
31
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,676
Oh, really?
32
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,345
And what do I got?
33
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,746
I can go for some chips.
34
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,614
Whoa.
35
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,383
Not your waitress, Skippy.
36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,353
Cooper.
37
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,755
I'm sticking with Skippy.
38
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:31,159
Are we gonna have
a problem here?
39
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:34,528
Are we?
40
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,539
Good call, Skippy.
41
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,278
Oh, crap. My screen's frozen.
42
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,516
Christy told me you were looking
for an apartment, and I thought,
43
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,251
sure, you could drive
all over Napa,
44
00:01:57,285 --> 00:02:01,889
or... I could save you
the hassle and show you
45
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,692
this little slice of paradise.
46
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,928
What's going on with
the ceiling here?
47
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,398
That's what you call
an architectural element.
48
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,732
Ooh, fancy.
Mm.
49
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,267
What's this all about?
50
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,569
That's drainage
from your neighbor's toilet.
51
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:18,739
Really?
Don't worry.
Little guy. Doesn't eat much.
52
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,644
So what do you
think? You in?
53
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,680
'Cause I got a polygamist
looking for a sister house.
54
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,682
Well, the sooner
I have my own place,
55
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,384
the sooner I can get Emily back.
56
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,686
I just don't have first
and last month's rent.
57
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,688
Hmm, predicament.
58
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,691
What to do, what to do...
59
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,827
Here's an idea.
60
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,396
You pay me in cash, I'll
overlook the deposit,
61
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,466
and even throw in some furniture
I got in the basement.
62
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,736
Sounds great.
63
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,338
Maybe a fresh coat of paint?
64
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,639
Whoa.
65
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,741
Stand down, Melania.
66
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,346
*
67
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,628
Hang on. I'll get you
a clean fork.
68
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,897
Just gonna walk in a circle
and bring you the same one.
69
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,868
I still can't believe you moved
her into your building.
70
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,336
MARJORIE:
Oh, come on, Jill.
71
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,738
You've been
a great foster mother,
72
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,640
but Emily belongs with Natasha.
73
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,377
I agree. I just think
there's a double standard afoot.
74
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,645
I mean, before
I could foster Emily,
75
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,681
I had to be questioned,
fingerprinted
76
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716
and baby-proof my whole house.
77
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,652
I still can't get into my pool.
78
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,854
Slap her in that dump
with her birth mother,
79
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,656
and everything's hunky-dory.
80
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,458
That dump is where we live.
81
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,260
I know. I've been there.
82
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,596
She's just out of rehab.
83
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,997
How can she afford
her own place?
84
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,366
She can't. She's paying me
under the table.
85
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,868
What? You didn't
tell me that.
86
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,305
That's what
"under the table" means.
87
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,540
What are they teaching you
at that college?
88
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,913
You realize
that if you get caught,
89
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,416
we're gonna be looking
for a new apartment, too.
90
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,950
Well, Little Black Cloud,
91
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:13,053
the only way I'd get caught
is if someone ratted me out.
92
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,857
Well, then, somebody better give
me a little taste of the action.
93
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,860
Oh, you want
to wet your beak, do you?
94
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,429
Why are they talking
like that?
95
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:24,031
Never ask me
about my business, Wendy.
96
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,839
Tell you what I'm gonna do.
97
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,892
Pleasure doing
business with you.
98
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:56,964
So, I was thinking, I should
do the oral presentation,
99
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,699
and you should
manage the visuals.
100
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,067
And wear something pretty.
101
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,772
Right, something low-cut
so we can get a good grade.
102
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,906
Exactly.
103
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,908
And you know what you can wear?
104
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,677
My foot in your ass.
105
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,879
Hey,
106
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,047
I'm just trying to play
to our strengths.
107
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,649
You do what you do,
108
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,718
and I'm super comfortable
speaking in public.
109
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,387
I was in two high school plays,
110
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,054
and I have
my own YouTube channel.
111
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,957
Slow your roll, Miss Saigon.
112
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,727
Several times a week, I stand
113
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,530
in front of a room full
of drunks and drug addicts
114
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,131
and share my most
painful experiences.
115
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:35,403
And P.S., my friend's cat
has her own YouTube channel.
116
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,672
Tell you what. How about
we both do the presentation,
117
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,541
and I wear something pretty?
118
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,809
Thank you.
119
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,644
And show a little cleavage.
120
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,945
We do want the "A."
121
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,482
Hey, I'm a little hungry.
122
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,684
You want to get some wings
or something?
123
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,686
With you?
124
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,822
Don't worry.
We'll split the bill.
125
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:59,860
Dude, you're kind of a
sexist, hipster douche.
126
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,463
Wings are on you.
127
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,869
You sure nobody's
gonna miss this stuff?
128
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,972
Nah, this was all left behind
by tenants who moved out.
129
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,441
(grunting softly)
130
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,443
Couple of 'em feet first.
131
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,010
Really?
132
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,648
Choked on a chicken bone,
133
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,182
pulmonary embolism.
134
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,619
That guy moved to Fresno,
135
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,187
which is the same
thing as dying.
136
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,423
Come on, give
me a hand.
137
00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,191
I don't know how to
thank you, Bonnie.
138
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,827
You just make sure I get
those Benjamins every month.
139
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,763
Oh, and do not
give them to Christy.
140
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,598
She lives in
moral twilight.
141
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,966
(knocking at door)
142
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,668
Oh, my God, that's Emily.
143
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,470
My pits are drippin'.
144
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,505
Relax. You have a
lovely apartment
145
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:45,906
with a permanent
Christmas tree
146
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,809
and a picture
of a seafaring ancestor.
147
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,612
Hey, honey.
148
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,747
Hi, Mom.
Oh.
149
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,518
Wow!
150
00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,721
When you said "back of the
building," you weren't kidding.
151
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,091
Hey, Jill.
Hey.
152
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,726
So, what do you think?
153
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,027
I like it.
154
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,897
You do?
You do?
155
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,499
Come on,
I'll show you your room.
156
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,666
I got you a Harry
Styles pillow
157
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,067
so you can practice
your kissing.
158
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,504
Unless you want a
Katy Perry pillow.
159
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,607
Whatever you're into,
I'm cool with that.
160
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,510
I like green.
161
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,815
Bonnie, where are we?
162
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,216
What are you talking about?
163
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,084
I mean, I was braced
for your apartment,
164
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,720
but this looks
like a place
165
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,588
where they take Turkish
people for questioning.
166
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,624
Hey, it's a beginning, Jill.
167
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,925
Back off.
168
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,093
I'm sorry.
169
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,496
I'm just worried about Emily.
170
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:43,797
She's a teenager.
171
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:46,266
All she cares about is a place
to charge her phone.
172
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,570
And that concludes
the grand tour.
173
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,171
Cool.
174
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,873
Is there a place
I can charge my phone?
175
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,877
Right here
by the Christmas pole.
176
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,847
Let me do it. I got a
little shock here earlier.
177
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:05,152
Okay, well, I guess it's time
for me to be on my way.
178
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,755
Thanks for everything, Jill.
179
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,958
I'm really gonna miss you.
180
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:11,959
(electrical buzz)
181
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,293
Ow!
182
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,228
I'm all right.
183
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,665
I'm gonna miss you, too.
184
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,833
But we'll still
see each other.
185
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,743
Okay, Jill.
Time to go.
186
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,545
Okeydokey.
187
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,846
Mm-hmm.
188
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,215
Here I go.
189
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,062
(sighs)
190
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:52,700
Okay, feelings, I hear ya.
191
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,304
(lively crowd chatter)
192
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,674
Sprite for you,
Irish Sprite for me.
193
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,342
Cheers.
194
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:07,347
Mm. So you have no problem
being in a bar?
195
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,816
No, it's fun.
196
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,283
Actually, I play
this little game.
Mm.
197
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,185
I look around the room
and try to figure out
198
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,722
who I'm gonna be seeing
in a meeting down the road.
199
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,990
Oh, really?
Who do you like?
200
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:20,093
I got my eye on the guy who
finished his date's drink
201
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,662
when she went
to the bathroom.
202
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,031
Well, maybe
she has the problem,
203
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,766
and he's trying
to save her.
204
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:29,670
Nope. He just threw
up in his hand.
205
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,004
Nah.
206
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,239
Hmm. Ah.
207
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,007
Oh, God.
208
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,610
Please don't tell me they're
setting up for karaoke.
209
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,012
No, then I'd be
throwing up in my hand.
210
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,347
It's trivia night.
211
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,616
Oh, I am awesome at trivia.
212
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,217
I was raised
by a television.
213
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,319
And I had no friends
except books!
214
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:49,657
We are gonna crush this!
215
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,327
Your home theater, ma'am.
216
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,099
Courtesy
of the late Mrs. Farraday.
217
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,268
Oh, my God, you're a lifesaver.
218
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,070
Well... if I were a lifesaver,
219
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,874
I would have known how
to Heimlich Mrs. Farraday.
220
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:10,143
I thought this might lure Emily
out of her room.
221
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,779
(electrical crackle)
Ow!
222
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,115
I'm okay.
God, someone should fix that.
223
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,017
Why would I say that out loud?
224
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,352
She's been in there
since dinner.
225
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,055
Well... I hope Emily
loves Falcon Crest
226
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,024
as much as Christy did.
227
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,225
Good luck.
228
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,694
Oh, no. Please stay.
229
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,361
This is not going well.
230
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,263
She's barely talking to me.
231
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,999
Well, give it time.
When I got sober
232
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,334
and reconnected with Christy,
there were long stretches
233
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,169
of cold, angry silence.
234
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,404
What finally broke the ice?
235
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,206
She punched me
in the back of the head.
236
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,708
Yeah.
237
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,110
(chuckles):
We laugh about it now.
238
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,947
Can you please just...
just stay till bedtime?
239
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,348
(groans softly)
240
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,683
20 minutes.
241
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,084
I'm a busy woman.
242
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:52,986
I am not wasting my night here.
243
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,723
Ooh, The A-Team.
You got me for an hour.
244
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,058
Emily! Television!
245
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,428
NEWSMAN: We'll have
the rest of your weather
246
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,196
and all the top news at 11:00.
247
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:06,133
Next up, The A-Team.
248
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,835
*
249
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,839
Which Hogwarts professor was
the head of Gryffindor House?
250
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,775
Who is Professor
Minerva McGonagall!
251
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,845
Okay, again, we're not
playing Jeopardy!, but yes,
252
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,913
point for Team Demi/Ashton!
253
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,481
Oh!
254
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,917
In your face, suckahs!
255
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:27,220
Okay. Name all
five members
256
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,756
of New Kids
on the Block.
257
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,390
Donnie, Danny,
Jordan, Joey, Jon.
258
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,425
Right again!
Ha!
259
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,461
I still love you, Donnie!
260
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,497
Normally, this is
where I add up the scores,
261
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,366
but I think we can all agree
that the glory
262
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,435
and the free bloomin' onion
go to Team Demi/Ashton!
263
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,905
(cheering)
264
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,907
We won an onion!
We won an onion!
265
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,910
Damn, girl, you own the '90s!
266
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:53,446
Oh! That's 'cause I'm
the only one here who
wasn't born in them.
267
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,447
You can pick up your prize
at the bar.
268
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,916
Ooh-ooh. Let me.
269
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,417
I've never won an
appetizer before.
270
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,352
Well, raise it high
like the Stanley Cup.
271
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,189
What's that?
Just go.
272
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,191
Thank you.
273
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,193
I never won an appetizer before.
274
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,096
You guys killed it.
Ah. That's 'cause I
watch a lot of TV
275
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,798
and he didn't
have any friends.
276
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,800
You're such a cute couple.
277
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,334
Oh. We're not a couple.
278
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,204
He's just a guy I'm doing
a school project with.
279
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,471
I'm actually 40.
280
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,473
No way.
281
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,342
Way.
282
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,543
Thank you.
283
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,045
Hey, uh, if
you're interested,
284
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,214
give me a minute,
and I'll set you up.
285
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,482
Awesome.
(giggles)
286
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,251
I won you.
287
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,821
Ta-da!
288
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,188
And, as a bonus,
289
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,791
I was just talking to
this girl over there...
290
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,829
You're mean!
291
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,164
I'm so sorry.
292
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,272
We ended up making out
in his car for about an hour.
293
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:55,275
Look at me--
I have millennial scruff-burn.
294
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,111
Oh, good. I thought
you just did
295
00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:01,281
that thing kids do where they
lick their mouth too much.
296
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,919
How old is this fella?
297
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,387
Old enough to know
what he's doing
298
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,123
and young enough to be
just the right side of wrong.
299
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,192
Are you gonna see him again?
300
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,862
Oh, yeah.
301
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,997
We're going out tonight.
302
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,432
Gymboree or Build-A-Bear?
303
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,869
I think you're jealous.
304
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:25,238
I pity the fool
who's jealous!
305
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:28,008
Mr. T. What, do you
live in a cave?
306
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,577
The weird thing is,
when I first met him,
307
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,245
I thought he was a total dick.
308
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,848
Oh, Christy, they all
start out as total dicks.
309
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,183
And they end
as total dicks,
310
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,951
but there's that sweet
spot in the middle.
311
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,854
That's where I am--
between two dicks.
312
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,257
That's where I need to be.
313
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,963
(TV playing indistinctly)
314
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,201
(mutes TV)
Excuse me, young lady.
315
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,469
Where do you think you're headed
on a school night?
316
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,605
Ha-ha.
317
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,608
Oh, come on, I was hammered
the whole time you were dating
318
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,476
in high school--
let me have this moment.
319
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,948
Okay, Mommy,
I'll play along.
320
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,217
Come. Sit.
321
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,990
Now, I know you
really like this boy,
322
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,258
but remember,
323
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,260
you don't have to do things
324
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,362
just because he wants to.
325
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,966
But what if I want
him to like me?
326
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,102
He should like you
for who you are.
327
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,640
But what if I want him
to really like me?
328
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:37,110
Then you got to bang
his brains out.
329
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,546
We always go one step
too far, don't we?
330
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,648
Yeah. We sure do, kitten.
331
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:42,916
Have fun.
332
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,017
Bye.
333
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,252
(door opens, closes)
334
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:48,055
(sighs):
Oh. They grow up so fast.
335
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,929
(knocking at door)
336
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,164
Hey.
337
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,566
Bonnie, I'm a total failure
as a mom.
338
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:02,035
So am I. Big deal.
339
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,536
I mean it. I can't do it.
340
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,006
All right, what happened?
Well, I bought a bunch of food,
341
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,307
and then I made
this nice dinner,
342
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,442
and then Emily texts me
she's spending the night
343
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,178
over at someone
named Ashley's house.
344
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,346
Kids do that.
In fact, my daughter's having
345
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:16,183
a sleepover tonight with
her little school friend Cooper.
346
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,185
But it's our
second night together,
347
00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:19,652
and she didn't want
to come home.
348
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,188
And can you blame her?
349
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,456
I wouldn't want
to come home to me, either.
350
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:27,160
God, I want a drink.
351
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,628
Okay. Okay.
352
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,197
I got this.
353
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,464
(snaps fingers)
354
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,400
Have a seat.
355
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,534
Wow, you sat fast.
356
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:39,372
Uh... I thought that was gonna
buy me a little more time.
357
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,274
Oh. I know.
358
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,410
Let's think through the drink.
359
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,545
What does that mean?
Well, let's say
you have that drink.
360
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:48,015
We both know that means
you're gonna have ten more.
361
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,182
At least.
362
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,517
You lose your sobriety,
363
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,551
you lose your job,
364
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,187
I am definitely kicking you
out of that apartment,
365
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:55,455
and most important,
you lose Emily.
366
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,292
So you try to get
your act together,
367
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,727
but it's harder
than you thought,
368
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,695
and before you know it, you've
blown through three years,
369
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,664
and you haven't been there
for your kid at all,
370
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,367
and by that point,
she probably doesn't
even care anymore.
371
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,470
So what'll it be?
372
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:11,571
Gin, vodka,
373
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,740
or one of those
candy-ass microbrews
374
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,708
I never got a chance to try?
375
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,677
Okay, I got it.
376
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,112
Do you?
377
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,647
I'm just scared.
378
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,015
Well, you should be scared.
379
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,416
You've got a lot
riding on this.
380
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,418
I got Christy back
when she was 34,
381
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,188
and I spend every single day
trying to make up for it.
382
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,291
It's a lot of work--
trust me, it's actually easier
383
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,426
to just not drink.
384
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,698
Thank you.
That really helps.
385
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,601
Thank God.
386
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,571
It's still early--
how about we catch a meeting?
387
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,406
I would like that.
388
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,344
Christy's really lucky
to have you.
389
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,314
Natasha, let's
get something straight.
390
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,117
Everybody's lucky to have me.
391
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,719
*
392
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,466
Morning.
393
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,168
Hi.
394
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,605
So... you think
everyone in class
395
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,507
will know we're
sleeping together?
396
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,343
They will
when I tell them.
397
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,345
WOMAN:
Hey, Coop.
398
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,547
I'm doing a load
of laundry--
got anything?
399
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,182
Mom, seriously?
400
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,484
Mom?
401
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:34,254
Sorry. Didn't know
you had company.
402
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,855
I put the sock
on the door.
403
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,558
Oh, it fell off--
I thought it was laundry.
404
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:41,094
(sighs)
Hi. I'm Lorraine.
405
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,695
Christy.
406
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,798
I'd stand up,
but my underwear's on the lamp.
407
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,637
Well, I am doing a load--
happy to toss it in.
408
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,406
That's okay.
409
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,242
Y-You know,
I should get going.
410
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:58,378
You sure? Mom makes
great pancakes.
411
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,718
I do like pancakes.
412
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,688
Can you believe it?
413
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,557
She made me breakfast
and did my laundry.
414
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,759
First time in my life
I came home from a date
415
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,894
and my clothes were cleaner
than when I left.
416
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,130
So, how was the sex?
417
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,698
It's not bad.
418
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,533
But these pancakes...
419
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,736
I'm telling you, she puts
a little vanilla in it, oh...
420
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,672
God, I really felt loved.
421
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,574
Okay, I get it.
422
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,176
I wasn't there for you.
423
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,311
Oh, that wasn't even a dig.
424
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:32,745
But good.
425
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,915
Okay, so, there's two Ashleys.
426
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,717
There's nerdy Ashley--
she's a doll.
427
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,452
Tall Ashley
doesn't believe in bras,
428
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,254
and she flirts
with all the dads.
429
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,555
No sleepovers with her.
430
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:43,723
Got it.
431
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,858
The password
for Emily's phone is 4535.
432
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:49,162
But heads up, she will text
some hurtful things about you.
433
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,531
I don't know what made me
a "foster monster,"
434
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,600
but it still stings.
435
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,867
I just wish
there was someone
436
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,703
who could tell me
I was doing it right.
437
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:58,838
Well...
438
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,341
for what it's worth,
Emily texted me
439
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,676
how happy she is
to be back with you.
440
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,747
Oh, my God, I
don't believe it.
441
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,583
Hmm. Look, if you have
any problems with her,
442
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,352
don't hesitate to call me.
443
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,953
We can double-team her.
444
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,688
Good cop, hot cop.
445
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,491
Thank you.
446
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:23,796
Aw. Somebody else
doesn't believe in bras, either.
447
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,536
(exhausted groans)
448
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,638
(panting)
449
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,673
(exhales)
450
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:37,844
Wow. I've never celebrated
getting an "A" like that.
451
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,247
If I had this kind
of motivation in high school,
452
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,181
I wouldn't have dropped out.
453
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,553
You done with the sheets?
I'm doing whites.
454
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,854
Mom! Are you kidding me?
455
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,956
You must be Cooper.
I'm Mrs. Plunkett.
456
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,658
Hi.
Is that
457
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,993
your Ford Fusion out front?
I hear they get good mileage.
458
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,328
Not bad.
459
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,364
Okay, now you've seen him. Go.
460
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,831
Yeah, yeah, I'm going.
461
00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,866
Hey, Mom?
462
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,569
Mind making us pancakes?
463
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,904
Pancakes? I'm not even
really doing laundry.
32213
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