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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,174
(laughing)
2
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,176
I was just fixing
Beverly's disposal.
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,211
She told me the
funniest joke.
4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,212
Studying.
5
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,346
What's the difference
6
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,681
between a golf ball
and a G-spot?
7
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,717
A man will never stop looking
for a golf ball.
8
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,719
Hilarious, right?
9
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,821
Men are oafs.
10
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,391
Mom, please,
I've got my LSATs next week.
11
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,692
I've really got to study.
12
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,228
I get it.
Once again, the LSATs are...?
13
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,163
Law School Admissions Test.
14
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:32,200
Oh, sure, L-S-A-T.
15
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,368
Oh, that's an easy way
to remember it.
16
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,070
Mom!
Sorry, sorry,
17
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,438
I'll just grab a bite
and leave you to it.
18
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,841
(rustling)
19
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,210
Can I just say one thing?
20
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,811
I doubt it.
21
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,579
I am so proud of you.
22
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,348
Thanks.
I mean,
look how far you've come,
23
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,749
from pregnant
high school dropout
24
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,585
to wannabe law school student
in just 22 short years.
25
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,721
23 if you don't shut up.
26
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,556
Sorry.
27
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,425
Quiet as a mouse.
28
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,696
Hey.
29
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,098
It's a carrot.
30
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,299
I can still hear it.
31
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,740
Sorry.
32
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,109
(coughs)
33
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,777
Oh, for God's sake,
just finish it.
34
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,355
Ta-da!
35
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,425
(phone camera clicking)
36
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,128
Now what are you doing?
37
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,763
Capturing a precious memory--
38
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,733
my amazing daughter studying
for... some test.
39
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,735
LSAT. LSAT.
40
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,337
Right, LSAT.
I'm leaving now,
41
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,340
but if you need anything,
let me know.
42
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:47,608
So proud.
43
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,343
(groans)
44
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,878
Didn't support me for 40 years.
45
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,781
All of a sudden,
we're the Gilmore Girls.
46
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,350
I have to take these again.
You look really angry.
47
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,788
*
48
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,245
Back!
49
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,847
I didn't make a sound.
50
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,849
I can smell
your mustache bleach.
51
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,584
But I'm thirsty.
52
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,220
Get in the shower
and open your mouth.
53
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,923
(knock on door)
But first, get the door.
54
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:39,460
So tiny and so mean.
55
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,198
Like a Chihuahua.
56
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:45,233
Hey, baby.
57
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,567
Nope!
58
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:51,339
Adam's back early!
Stall him for a minute.
59
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,641
A minute?
Have you seen yourself?
60
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,247
Hey, Adam,
when'd you get back?
61
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,314
This morning.
62
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,815
What was I just looking at?
63
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:05,786
Yeah... you never want to see
how the sausage is made.
64
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:06,820
(laughs)
65
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,722
So, how was your job?
66
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,292
Ah, the movie's a piece of
crap, but the check cleared,
67
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,662
and I got a picture of The
Rock carrying me like a baby.
68
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,565
Why are both your shirts off?
69
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,301
I don't know, it all
happened so fast.
70
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,704
Uh, listen, there's something
else I wanted to...
71
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,839
Adam, I wish I could talk,
but I'm cramming
72
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:26,974
for the LSAT
on Thursday.
73
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,743
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
74
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,680
You're making a huge mistake,
but, oh, my God!
75
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:33,914
You think she'll like it?
76
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,449
Yes, it's beautiful.
77
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,884
I can't believe
you're doing this.
78
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,552
I can't, either.
79
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,721
But six weeks away from your
mother felt like six months.
80
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,357
Turns out I wasn't just saying
"I love you" to get laid.
81
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,659
I am so happy for you guys!
Oh. (laughs)
82
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,561
So, how you gonna ask her?
83
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,463
I thought I'd take her
to the burger shack
84
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:50,864
where we had our
first official date.
85
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,602
A shack? You are going
to propose to her at a shack?
86
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,904
Uh... "shack"
is misleading.
87
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,906
It's more like a hut.
It's a permanent structure.
88
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:04,678
Look, this is her first and
hopefully last proposal ever.
89
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,947
This is a moment
she will remember always.
90
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,516
You're starting to
freak me out a little.
91
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,950
Here's what you're gonna do.
92
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,552
There's this restaurant
Spetrino's.
93
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,287
We can't afford it, you can.
94
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:14,422
You want a table
95
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,956
in the room
with the twinkle lights.
96
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,626
After she finishes the
osso buco, you signal the waiter
97
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,361
to bring over
the Grand Marnier soufflé.
98
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,029
Yeah, but doesn't that...?
The alcohol burns off.
99
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,597
Anyway,
100
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,066
the ring is already hidden
in the soufflé,
101
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:30,771
and as he comes up to the table,
you get down on one...
102
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,674
You sit where you are
and pop the question.
103
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,045
That's a lot of detail
off the top of your head.
104
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,914
I am loaning you my dream.
Don't mess it up.
105
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,916
BONNIE:
Adam?!
106
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,085
I didn't know you were here.
107
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,720
Enjoy your sausage.
108
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:49,823
That's a little forward,
but I intend to.
109
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,727
Come on, tell us.
110
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,095
Not until Jill gets here.
111
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,631
But trust me, this is big.
112
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,066
Bonnie and Adam
are getting married.
113
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:01,635
No. Not even close.
114
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,105
Actually,
before Jill gets here,
115
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,975
I really want to say something
not nice about her,
116
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,743
but it's only 'cause I care.
117
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,612
I think I want to say
the same not-nice thing,
118
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,980
but it's only
'cause I care, too.
119
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,816
Ladies, she's had a
rough couple of months,
120
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:20,688
and it's not for us to judge
how she is or isn't handling it.
121
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,524
Well, I'm her friend and, damn
it, I'm gonna say something.
122
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,426
Shh, shh. Here she comes.
123
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,328
Hey!
124
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,667
Can I get a strawberry milkshake
over here with one straw?
125
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,471
(sighs)
Scootch over, Wendy.
126
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:40,774
I thought I did.
127
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,676
So what'd I miss?
128
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,651
Christy?
129
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,889
Well, Jill... as your friend,
130
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:59,627
um, I think I should
tell you that...
131
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,870
...Adam is proposing
to my mother tonight!
132
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,839
Oh, my God!
MARJORIE:
Wonderful!
133
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,173
Hey, I guessed that!
134
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,742
You want a prize,
go to a carnival.
135
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,746
Bonnie, how you
doing up there?
136
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,981
Our reservation's
at 8:00.
137
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:23,617
BONNIE:
Relax. It's only 8:15.
138
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,387
So that's what pacing
is for you.
139
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,061
I'm a little nervous.
140
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:37,531
Just close your eyes and pretend
The Rock is cradling you.
141
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,537
That actually helps.
142
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,041
Hey, why are we schlepping
all the way across town to eat?
143
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,778
Because I heard
Spetrino's is amazing.
144
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,846
Yeah, but we're already late--
nobody's fault--
145
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,916
but, you know, why don't we just
go grab a burger?
146
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,486
A burger?
Christy, she
wants a burger.
147
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,456
Nope, no, no, no.
There will be no burgers.
148
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,757
This wonderful man
149
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,526
was thoughtful enough
to invite you
150
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,194
to a beautiful,
romantic restaurant.
151
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:10,063
Millions of women would trade
places with you in a minute,
152
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,199
so you are going
to get out there
153
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,468
and have the best damn
night of your life!
154
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,970
Okay, relax.
If it means that much to you.
155
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,941
And while we're out,
may I recommend you
156
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,510
(quietly):
masturbate?
157
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,586
No, I really should study.
158
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:38,225
(knock on door)
159
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,527
NATASHA:
Christy, open up.
160
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,794
Your mom told me
you're home.
161
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,996
Another reason to hate her.
162
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,535
Natasha, I really
can't talk right now.
163
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,069
And you're in.
164
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,138
I need your help.
My caseworker told me
165
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,274
I can't get my daughter out of
foster care until I get a job.
166
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,976
What the hell am I gonna do?
167
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,545
Get a job?
168
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,612
Doing what?!
169
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,013
And now you're sitting.
170
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,583
Okay, let's see.
171
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,251
What have you done
besides stripping?
172
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,719
I was a coke dealer.
173
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,821
So, sales experience.
174
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,123
My job in rehab was
to clean the toilets.
175
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,860
Maintenance.
But I bribed
other people to do it for me.
176
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,194
Management.
177
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,263
See? You're
gonna be fine.
178
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,498
Now I really
need to study.
179
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,669
Did you see me stand up there?
180
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,305
Well, maybe I can just
go back to stripping.
181
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,307
That club near the
airport is hiring.
182
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,942
Not the nice one.
183
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,545
All right, I will help you
find a job tomorrow.
184
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,547
Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
185
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,982
(groans)
186
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,784
I really should've
gone upstairs.
187
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,289
I hope you saved
room for dessert.
188
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,992
I'm eight feet tall;
there's always room.
189
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,694
But first I got to freshen up.
190
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,995
Uh, can't it wait?
191
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,030
FYI, "freshen up" is lady talk
for "tinkle,"
192
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,065
which is baby talk
for "take a whiz."
193
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,934
(chuckles):
Fine, go. It's...
194
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,773
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
195
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,250
What the hell is going on?
196
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,319
I think someone put
a ring in the dessert
197
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,988
so he could ask the woman
he loves to marry him.
198
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,323
(laughs)
199
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,025
I think someone is lame.
200
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,964
Oh, my God,
you're the lame guy.
201
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,836
Bonnie Plunkett,
will you marry me?
202
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,772
(laughs)
Yes, Adam, I will marry you.
203
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,342
Excuse me, uh,
204
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,211
I could get you another one,
but it'll take 45 minutes.
205
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,214
No! I want to see the ring.
206
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,817
I'm so sorry
I screwed this up.
207
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,853
Are you kidding? You-you
took a romantic moment
208
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,688
and turned it into
a fire hazard,
209
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,122
and that's why
I love you.
210
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,124
Got it.
211
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,064
Another reason
I love you.
212
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,000
Adam, it's... it's beautiful.
213
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,271
Excuse me. I'm over 50,
214
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,606
and a man is putting a ring
on my finger. Nothing?
215
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,277
(both laughing)
216
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:13,681
I am gonna make you
the best wife.
217
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,816
(laughs)
I mean, I'm gonna try.
218
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,286
I think I can do it.
219
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,121
I want to do it.
220
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,656
Can I do it?
221
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,124
Of course you can.
222
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,659
Yeah, you're right,
you're right, I can do it.
223
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,327
I mean, if I can do sober,
I can do marriage.
224
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,896
(both laugh)
225
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,098
Of course I have to go
to meetings to stay sober.
226
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,000
There's no, you know,
marriage meetings,
227
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,735
unless you're
in counseling, and...
228
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,403
Uh-oh, I guess
we're gonna need counseling.
229
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,805
(laughs)
230
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,272
And between drunkie
and the wheelchair,
231
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,809
I think we know who
the shrink's gonna side with.
232
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,110
What's happening?
233
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,312
What's happening is
this ring comes with
234
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,681
expectations
and responsibilities.
235
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,684
And if history teaches us
anything, that's not my bag!
236
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,753
I mean, one night, you're
gonna come home for meat loaf,
237
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,987
'cause Tuesday's
meat loaf night.
238
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,188
Instead, you're gonna
find me face down
239
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,457
on the linoleum
with a needle in my arm!
240
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,859
Bonnie, breathe.
241
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,293
I can't.
242
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,763
(grunts)
Can't breathe.
243
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:06,166
Can't make meat loaf.
244
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,736
Can't... do this.
245
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,270
Still got to pee.
246
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,939
(grunts)
247
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,675
Looks like you dodged
a bullet there.
248
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,818
I mean, he's the best thing
that ever happened to me,
249
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,987
but all these fears
just came out of nowhere.
250
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,856
It just took me by surprise.
251
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:29,923
I mean...
252
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,960
Are you sleeping?
253
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,194
Trying!
254
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,462
Hey, you know,
part of this is on you.
255
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:36,964
You knew he was gonna propose.
256
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,365
You could've given me
a heads-up.
257
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,467
You're right, I'm to blame.
Good night.
258
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,335
(scoffs)
So that's it?
259
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,471
You're just gonna abandon me
in my hour of need.
260
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,775
And you abandoned me
when I was seven; we're even.
261
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,910
Hey. You were an honorary
fireman for a weekend.
262
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,478
Not all kids get that.
263
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,413
Mom, do you want
to marry Adam?
264
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,015
Of course I do.
265
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,383
So call him and apologize.
266
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,085
(sighs)
Gee, I don't know.
267
00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,920
Then we start the marriage
with me in the hole.
268
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,022
Good night.
269
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,491
Good night.
270
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,526
By the way, was that
restaurant your idea?
Yeah.
271
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,928
It was pretty good.
Uh-huh.
272
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,496
If you ever go,
try the osso buco.
273
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,431
They give you this tiny little
fork, you can dig the marrow...
274
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,934
I don't care!
I got to get some sleep!
275
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:17,004
Sorry. It's not like you have
anyone to take you.
276
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,909
Thank you so much for
coming with me today.
277
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,376
Happy to do it.
278
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,912
I'm supposed to be
studying for a test
279
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,113
that will determine
the rest of my life,
280
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,314
but I'm happy to do it.
281
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,785
Oh, my God. Do I even
want to work here?
282
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,253
I mean, look what
I got to wear.
283
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,988
Brown polyester
and grandma shoes.
284
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:38,391
Hey, don't knock
comfortable footwear.
285
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,960
If I could've stripped
in these babies,
286
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,461
I would've lasted
five more years.
287
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,531
Stop eating sugar.
288
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:45,565
But I need it.
289
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,467
No, you don't.
290
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,004
Look, it's perfectly natural
to feel scared right now.
291
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,305
I'm not scared.
292
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,207
You should be.
293
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,109
40 is in your rearview mirror,
294
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,145
your kid's in foster care
but you can't get her back
295
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,579
until you get a legit job,
296
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,548
and you're only qualified
to sell cocaine
297
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,550
and ruin some guy's pants.
298
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:06,453
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
299
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,221
Oh, my God.
I can't do this.
No, no, no.
300
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,290
Nobody likes a sad waitress.
Trust me, I know.
301
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,558
Have some sugar.
302
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,926
(crying):
No.
Sweet'N Low?
303
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:13,927
No.
Grape jelly?
304
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,095
What-what's the point?
305
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,229
I've screwed my
life up so much
306
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,931
I'll never get it
back together.
307
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,299
(sobbing)
308
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,268
Uh, I'm supposed to interview
Natasha?
309
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,904
And here she is.
310
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:27,107
Your new waitress, hostess
or bus person.
311
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,042
Is everything okay?
312
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,344
Yeah. She's just
a little overwhelmed.
313
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,246
But let me
tell you, Kenny,
314
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,250
uh, it has always been
a dream of hers to work here.
315
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,853
(sobbing):
Hi, Kenny.
316
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,855
In fact, she and I
were just talking about
317
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,590
how places like Uncle Freddy's
318
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,359
have always been the backbone
of American family life.
319
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,897
Well, we do pride ourselves
on big portions for big people.
320
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,065
I just want to die, Kenny.
321
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,500
(sobbing)
322
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,035
Look at that hustle.
323
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,937
Imagine when she has
the right shoes.
324
00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:01,041
Okay, Kenny. We, uh, we look
forward to hearing from you.
325
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,510
Wait, Natasha!
That's not my car!
326
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,481
(knocking on door)
327
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,150
Adam, I...
328
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,618
Nope.
329
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,455
Okay. That answers the question
"Are you still mad?"
330
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:19,259
Fortunately, I have a
key for such occasions.
331
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:24,932
(sighs)
I am so sorry.
332
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,300
You just caught me off guard.
333
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,236
Please, ask me again.
334
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,503
Bonnie, it's okay.
335
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,339
We don't have to get married.
336
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,641
You can humiliate me
as my girlfriend.
337
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,243
No. I love you,
338
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,545
and I want to humiliate you
as your wife.
339
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:43,951
(sighs) Honey, I swear,
if I had a time machine,
340
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,119
I would go back
and make it right.
341
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,488
Really? That's what you'd use
a time machine for?
342
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,258
I might also make
a few sports bets.
343
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,093
Maybe the Cubs.
344
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,095
You wouldn't prevent this?
345
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,430
Look, if and when I get
the time machine,
346
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,132
we can make a list.
347
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,370
Please, ask me
to marry you again.
348
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,172
(chuckles)
349
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,606
All right, fine.
Bonnie, will you marry...
350
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,008
No, no.
351
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,577
The long version
with all the nice stuff.
352
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,547
(sighs)
353
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,617
Bonnie, I love you.
354
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,052
I love you, too.
355
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,388
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.
356
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,290
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you, too.
357
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,591
Will you marry me?
No.
358
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:30,463
I told my mouth to say yes,
but "no" just came flying out.
359
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:31,398
What did Adam do?
360
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,267
He rolled over my foot.
361
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,369
And you know what?
I deserved it.
362
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:38,438
I am the worst
person in the world.
363
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,007
Well, you do tend to...
Well, to be fair...
364
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,108
Bup, bup, bup,
bup, bup, bup, bup.
365
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,411
No, you're not.
366
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,546
What did Christy say?
She doesn't know.
367
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,481
She's out helping
Natasha find a job.
368
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,083
Oh.
369
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,052
Isn't that great?
370
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,287
She gets a job,
gets her kid back,
371
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:57,624
and I'm stuck all alone
in an empty house again.
372
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:04,397
Everybody gets a fairy tale
ending except for me.
373
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,066
I want a fairy
tale ending.
374
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,601
(sighs)
Are you sure about that?
375
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,470
Maybe you keep saying no
376
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,273
because you've been
a horrible person for so long
377
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,075
you think you're not
good enough for Adam.
378
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:19,512
Well, that would explain why
I've been sabotaging myself.
379
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:22,215
You should tell Adam that.
380
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,617
Is he still
speaking to you?
381
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,586
Oh, hell no.
382
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,389
But, uh, I might
have a work-around.
383
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,661
(panting)
384
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,596
Apology accepted.
385
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,166
But wait, there's more.
386
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,068
(panting)
387
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,636
Was that the tenth one?
Do I get the next one free?
388
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:48,108
You are gonna be getting it free
for a lifetime.
389
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,280
Adam Ulysses Janikowski.
Not my middle name.
390
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,648
See? There's still things we get
to learn about each other.
391
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:58,818
All I know is that I love you
392
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,355
more than anything in the world,
so please marry me.
393
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:05,258
Ah, you are a piece
of work, but yes.
394
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,127
Yes, I will marry you.
(laughs)
395
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,531
(both sigh)
396
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,301
(chuckles) Oh, my God.
We're really doing this.
397
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,503
Together forever.
398
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,505
(sighs)
399
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,207
Yay.
400
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,747
(door closes)
401
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,651
You are looking at
the biggest idiot on the planet.
402
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,120
Yep, there you are.
403
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,355
Look what I did.
404
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,656
You said yes?
405
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,691
Don't make me relive it.
406
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,593
Okay.
407
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,229
I love him so much.
408
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,696
Why don't I want
to marry him?
409
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,333
(sighs)
Because deep down inside
410
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,101
you think
you're not good enough?
411
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,336
Nah, that's what
Marjorie said.
412
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,870
(blows raspberries)
413
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,572
Mom, what are you afraid of?
414
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,274
Evil clowns.
415
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,110
Scratch that--
all clowns.
416
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,846
Being married to the same guy
for the rest of my life.
417
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,615
Why don't you approach marriage
like you do staying sober?
418
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,617
You know? One day at a time.
419
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:08,121
Wow. That's not bad.
420
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,689
Have you guys
set a date?
No.
421
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,424
Then what are you worried about?
422
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,860
You can keep this engagement up
for years.
423
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,296
Say more.
424
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:18,765
Think about it.
425
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,734
When has a man ever pushed
for a wedding date?
426
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,637
It's like a woman
initiating butt stuff.
427
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,876
If you don't bring it up,
then he won't.
428
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,578
That's brilliant.
Mm-hmm.
429
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,413
I'm also gaining
a little insight
430
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,415
as to why you're
still single.
431
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,817
And I'm gaining insight
432
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,919
as to why Adam
proposed three times.
433
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,155
(chuckles)
434
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,623
Bottom line...
Bad choice.
435
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,725
In conclusion...
436
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,827
you're saying I could
just buy bridal magazines,
437
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:50,163
wear my pretty ring
and run the clock out?
438
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:51,664
Congratulations.
439
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,400
You're never getting married!
440
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,907
Oh, Bonnie, it's beautiful.
441
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:05,178
Two carat solitaire,
a bit cloudy.
442
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:07,514
This might not be from a mall.
443
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:08,815
I'm so jealous.
444
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:09,916
Mission accomplished.
445
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,919
So when's the big day?
446
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,621
June 19th.
Mm.
447
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,155
Year to be determined.
448
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,529
Ah! Guys, you'll never
believe it.
449
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,697
Guess who got an average score
on her LSAT?
450
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:25,832
(all cheering)
451
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,767
So congratulations
are in order?
452
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,937
Yes. Now I can get into the best
of the low level law schools.
453
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,540
Oh. I'm so proud of you.
454
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,542
I always knew you
could barely do it.
455
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,177
Aw, thanks, Mom. You were
always barely there for me.
456
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:43,450
Well, isn't this all
balloons and confetti?
457
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,386
You got a big career
ahead of you,
458
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,855
you have a fiancé,
you got a husband.
459
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,492
What do I have?
460
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,228
Oh, quit your bitching,
you selfish, pampered princess.
461
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:58,398
What?
You got a purse that costs
more than my car.
462
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,700
You sleep till noon
because you don't have to work.
463
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,002
On top of that, you got
your hairdresser, manicurist,
464
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,438
masseuse, all coming
to your house.
465
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,840
You know who comes
to my house, Jill? Nobody.
466
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:12,245
Not even the delivery boy
from Golden Dragon.
467
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,347
I got to walk down
four flights of stairs
468
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:16,549
to get my kung pao
freakin' chicken!
469
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,851
So the next time I hear you
470
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,287
feeling sorry for yourself,
471
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,322
I'm gonna smack you so hard
472
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,357
your lip filler's
gonna come out your ear!
473
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,565
You want some pie?
474
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:36,869
You all finished here?
475
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,038
I think we need a minute.
476
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:42,041
Well, hurry up.
My feet are killing me.
477
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,910
Oh, I forgot
to tell you.
478
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,612
I got Natasha a job.
479
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,647
Oh, that's so nice.
33994
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