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1
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:04,221
Hi, Christy, alcoholic.GROUP: Hi, Christy.
2
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:06,136
I know I've shared
about this before...
3
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,095
Yeah, yeah, I was a crappy mom.
4
00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,444
Let it go.
5
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:12,142
I'm talking about being lonely.
6
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:14,014
Oh, great, carry on.
7
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,453
So, anyway, there's this
cute guy at my school,
8
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:21,543
and we'd been doing
the smiley, flirty thing
9
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,240
for a couple of weeks,
10
00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,460
and one day I just
got tired of waiting
11
00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:28,115
for him to make a move
and I gave him my number.
12
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,117
He seemed
really excited,
13
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:34,164
said he was gonna call,
so, crazy me, I believed him.
14
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,906
I mean, he drives a Prius.
15
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:39,561
Prius equals sincere,
everybody knows that.
16
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:43,478
Except Brad-- that's his
name-- never called.
17
00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:46,394
So I give him
the benefit of the doubt.
18
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,178
Maybe a parent died,
maybe he died.
19
00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:49,223
I was hoping he died.
20
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:51,442
And then
this morning
21
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,096
there he was,
22
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:57,579
walking across campus,
so not dead.
23
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,102
And that's when it hit me,
24
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,538
I'm gonna be alone forever.
25
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,236
[phone vibrates]
26
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:03,367
[sighs]
27
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:06,196
I have been sober
for almost four years,
28
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,632
and, yes, my life
is better for it,
29
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:10,157
but nobody told me
that leading a clean life
30
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,680
meant putting my vagina
up on blocks.
31
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,249
[phone vibrates]
32
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:18,991
Would the owner of the phone
or vibrator please turn it off?
33
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:21,951
It's your phone.
34
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,126
What?
35
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,172
Oh.
36
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,477
Sorry.
37
00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:28,610
But it is something
you would do.
38
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,310
[sighs] I'm just saying
that when it comes to love,
39
00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,225
sobriety isn't doing
me any good at all.
40
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,966
I may as well be a...
41
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099
Oh, my God,
42
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:40,361
it's a text from Brad.
43
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,146
He lost his phone,
he just found it,
44
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,583
he's really sorry, and he
wants to take me to dinner.
45
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,498
GROUP:
Aw.
46
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:51,633
Anyway,
sobriety's amazing, thanks.
47
00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,678
♪
48
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:11,435
Okay, babe, I'm
gonna head home.
49
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,916
You really need to drag
all that back and forth
50
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,744
every time you spend the night?
51
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,833
Oh, you poor, simple man.
52
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:22,794
You think this just
magically happens?
53
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,710
This requires equipment.
54
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,016
Such as?
55
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:30,193
Forgetting about clothing,
underwear, shoes,
56
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,762
lingerie for before,
sweatpants for after,
57
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,677
there's also body lotion,
58
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,722
face lotion, exfoliant,
night repair,
59
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,551
eye cream, makeup,
which is a whole subcategory.
60
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,511
Then you've got your
curling iron, blow dryer,
61
00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:44,729
shampoo, conditioner--
62
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,601
which by the way,
is two separate things,
63
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,472
no matter what it says
on that big jug
64
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:49,821
of industrial crap you use.
65
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,433
I have a blow dryer.
66
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,349
Aw, you're so cute.
67
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,351
You have a boy blow dryer.
68
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,875
It's only good
for drying your balls.
69
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,225
You saw me?
70
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,661
Unfortunately.
71
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,969
Why don't you just leave
all that stuff here?
72
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,362
Oh, for God's sakes,
73
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,624
because then I wouldn't have
my stuff at home.
74
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,321
I can't afford to double up
on everything.
75
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,367
Well, maybe all this going
back and forth isn't working.
76
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,717
Maybe we need to make a change.
77
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,718
Are we breaking up?
78
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,372
'Cause I should warn you,
79
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,504
I've been getting a lot
of hits on Farmers Only.
80
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,463
Have you now?
81
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,768
Yeah, you want to know why?
82
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,423
'Cause city folk
just don't get it.
83
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,469
What I'm trying to say is...
84
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:33,300
...maybe you'd consider
moving in with me.
85
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:36,781
Oh.
[chuckles]
86
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,307
Wow.
87
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,617
It'd be a hell of a lot
more practical.
88
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,358
Practical.
89
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:51,274
Be still my beating heart.
90
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,841
You don't have to answer now.
91
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:54,321
I'm just putting it out there.
92
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:57,019
Okay, well...
93
00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,542
[strained]:
thanks for asking.
94
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:06,463
I'm gonna need some time
to get quiet
95
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,684
and... give it some thought.
96
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:10,989
Cool.
97
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,469
Let me know what Marjorie says.
98
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:13,775
I will.
99
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,866
All right,
100
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:20,521
so I'm gonna ask the question
that's on everyone's mind,
101
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:21,783
how bad was your date
last night?
102
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:24,438
It was actually really good.
103
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,962
So, did you guys...?No, he was a gentleman.
104
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,920
Eh, well, I just tuned out.
105
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:31,923
It was weird--
he asked me all these questions
106
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,751
and listened to the answers
107
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,710
and then remembered them
and mentioned them later.
108
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:36,754
Gay alert.
109
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:40,454
So where'd he take you?A vegan restaurant
110
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,499
called The Sprouted Flute.
111
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,022
[chuckles]
Did he bring his husband?
112
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:47,025
Marjorie, make her stop.
113
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,636
Ignore her, go on.
114
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:51,682
The food was actually great.
115
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:52,901
Brad says that the human body
116
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:55,382
isn't really designed
to consume meat.
117
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:56,948
If the good Lord didn't
want us to eat meat,
118
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,472
why'd he invent veal?
119
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,346
He knows so much about
the environment and food
120
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,740
and politics.
Did you know that,
121
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,351
in some parts of the world...Big news, Adam has asked me
to move in with him.
122
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,700
[women gasp]What do you guys think?
123
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:10,875
Well, I think it's a really...
124
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,399
If you don't
mind, Marjorie?
125
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,663
It's a big step,
Bonnie.
126
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,839
That's what I was gonna say.
127
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,971
BONNIE: Here's what
has me worried.
128
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:22,017
We're getting along
great now, but,
129
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,454
you know, it's like cocaine--
the first couple of lines,
130
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:25,890
everything's good,
next thing you know,
131
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,501
you're robbing a Laundromat
with no septum.
132
00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:30,852
So you're not
gonna do it?
133
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,549
Hang on, Wendy.
Marjorie?
134
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:35,117
Well, Bonnie, I think
it's a personal decision
135
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,424
and you need
to pray on it...
Hey!
136
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,861
I was in the middle
of saying something
137
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,166
when you walked in.
138
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,082
Sorry, finish.
139
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,389
Thank you.
140
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,870
Brad told me that,
in certain parts of the world,
141
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:52,569
people are dying because they
don't have clean drinking water.
142
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:57,879
And?
143
00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:02,013
That's it.
It's just really messed up.
144
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,190
So what do you think? Should
I move in with Hot Wheels?
145
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,543
Okay, now add
a slice of eggplant
146
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:12,067
and hit that with another
scoop of cashew cheese.
147
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,939
I just keep picturing
tiny little farmers
148
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,898
trying to milk cashews.
149
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:18,813
[laughs] You know,
before I became a vegan,
150
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:21,424
my favorite meal in the world
was a bacon cheeseburger.
151
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,470
And then I realized
I was tired all the time.
152
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,862
I'm tired
all the time.
153
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,603
And I couldn't focus.I can't focus.
154
00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:27,865
I was moody.
155
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:30,085
I'm super moody.
156
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,956
So you get it.
157
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,958
Not really.
158
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,046
Close your eyes.
159
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,526
I want you to taste something.
160
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:39,094
Okay, but just so you know,
161
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:43,141
I once had a bad experience
with this exact scenario.
162
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:44,839
Trust me.
163
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,884
Yeah, he said that, too.
164
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,761
Pretty great, huh?
165
00:06:56,677 --> 00:07:00,071
I really want to say yes.
166
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:01,203
Give me another bite.
167
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,948
Now this I like.
168
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,210
Oops.
169
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:10,125
Oh, sorry, uh...
170
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,693
For kissing her? She's in
a serious slump; get at it.
171
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,524
Brad, this is Bonnie, my mom.
172
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,786
Bonnie, Brad.
173
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,527
Captain Prius, nice to meet you.
174
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,487
Brad and I are
making dinner.
175
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,575
Oh, what are you cooking?
176
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,056
Actually, nothing.
177
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,232
Brad is showing me
178
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:33,104
how to prepare a raw,
vegan lasagna.
179
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,063
Why?
180
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,064
Um...
181
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:37,892
why are we doing this again?
182
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:40,068
Eating raw food
is how human beings
183
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,852
have thrived for
millions of years.
184
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:45,116
Thrived? Those guys died at 18
and walked around like monkeys.
185
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,858
All right, off you go.All right.
186
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,164
See you.
187
00:07:50,992 --> 00:07:52,210
Shall we eat?
188
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:53,908
I eat all the time.
189
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:54,952
Kiss me.
190
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,045
Hey.
191
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:02,133
Hey.
192
00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,135
Ooh, that smells great.
193
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,529
Yeah, couple of bone-in
rib eyes.
194
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,183
Nice.
195
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,968
You have no idea what's
going on back at my place.
196
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,231
Christy's vegan boyfriend
is preparing a feast
197
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:15,059
fit for a gerbil.[laughs]
198
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,931
Oh, no, not one of those guys.
199
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,585
Did he try to sell you on it?
200
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:20,195
Oh, yeah, vegans and Mormons,
201
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,196
always looking to turn you.
202
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,893
[laughs]
203
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:25,766
Hey, come here.
I want to show you something.
204
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:28,203
I've seen it before, but I'm
always happy to take a peek.
205
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,251
Ta-da.
206
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,253
Oh, my God,
207
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,255
what did you do?
208
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,257
I thought I could make it easier
for you to spend the night.
209
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,740
You thought of everything.
210
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,047
Lot of loofahs.
211
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,309
How many you think I needed?
212
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:49,180
I figured it was like sandpaper,
213
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:51,226
you get it for different
kinds of wood.
214
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,882
Oh, Adam.
215
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,187
I did good?
216
00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:59,060
You did really good.
217
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,108
I love you.
218
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,110
[laughing]:
I love you, too.
219
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,159
I want to move in with you.
220
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,203
Really?
221
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,596
Yeah.
222
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,206
[laughs]
223
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:19,080
Oh, damaged women
are so easy to please.
224
00:09:19,123 --> 00:09:20,603
[crying]:
We really are.
225
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,039
I know.
226
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,653
BONNIE: So, with me
out of the way,
227
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,089
you and Captain Prius will
have the run of the place.
228
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,612
Stop calling him that.
229
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:32,267
Okay, how about King Kale?
230
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:35,357
You already used that one,
it wasn't funny the first time.
231
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,619
All right, here's a new one:
232
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,534
Jolly Green Average Height.
233
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:42,320
Say what you want,
I really like Brad.
234
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:44,366
Ooh, ooh! Tofu Gigio.
235
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,498
Yeah, hilarious.
236
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:51,286
In the meantime, last night he
introduced me to Tantric sex.
237
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,331
Ugh, is that the sex
where you don't finish?
238
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:54,594
Have you ever tried it?
239
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:56,334
Not on purpose.
240
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:59,424
The point of it is
learning self-control.
241
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,165
Brad says that if
you're not thinking about
242
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,690
where you're going, you get
to be present for where you are.
243
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:06,693
Sounds like where you are would
be chafed and frustrated.
244
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,738
I wouldn't expect you to get it.
245
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,306
Clearly you didn't
get it either.
246
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:13,003
Come on, grab a box, let's go.
247
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:16,354
Brad says the orgasm
is greatly overrated.
248
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,487
[Bonnie laughs hysterically]
249
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,316
[continues laughing]
250
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,448
All right, enough.
251
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:25,363
Oh, sorry.
[chuckles]
252
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,278
I think that's all of it.
253
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,412
Wow.
254
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:33,676
It's gonna be weird
around here without you.
255
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,157
Yeah, but you know,
if you think about it,
256
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,333
it's actually kind of cool.
257
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,379
You and I came together
when we needed each other,
258
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:44,208
we healed, and now we're
ready to move on.
259
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:51,694
[crying]:
Why'd you have to say that?
260
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:54,349
[crying]:
I don't know,
it just came out.
261
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,177
But it's true.
262
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,005
So true.
263
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,707
[sniffs]
What is that smell?
264
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,667
Brad hooked me up with
some natural deodorant.
265
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,581
Well, it ain't working.
266
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,367
I know.
[sniffles]
267
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:15,239
That's okay.
I still love you.
268
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,328
I love you, too.
269
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,332
And I really hope
with all my heart
270
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,857
that this works out for you.
271
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,206
Thanks, babe.
272
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:27,991
I guess this is good-bye.
273
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:30,994
Yup. This is it.
274
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:33,388
Okay.
275
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:37,087
I'll see you at
the meeting tonight.
276
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,091
[blow dryer whirring]
277
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,397
[turns off]
278
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:49,839
Babe?
279
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,584
Hey. Where'd you go?
280
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:59,544
To the bathroom.
281
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,112
In the hallway?
282
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,680
At my neighbor's.
283
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,770
I don't understand, why didn't
you just use this one?
284
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,773
Because somebody was
in there for 58 minutes.
285
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,775
Hon, you sound like Christy.
286
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,081
I wasn't in there that long.
287
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:16,779
Price Is Rightstarted
and ended.
288
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:20,783
The guy won a Toyota,
and I almost soiled my chair.
289
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:23,133
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
290
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,352
Why didn't you say something?
291
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:25,788
I banged on the door,
292
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,617
but your jet-engine hair dryer
drowned me out.
293
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:33,274
Wow, okay, can we file this one
under "lesson learned"?
294
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,623
Yeah, sure.
295
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:38,322
I don't even know my neighbor.
296
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,803
Now I owe a favor
to a 43-year-old man
297
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:44,851
who uses one-ply paper
and collects troll dolls.
298
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,549
Again, I'm sorry.
299
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,290
Forget it.
300
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,161
We just probably
need to work out
301
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:53,163
some kind of schedule.
302
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:54,904
Yeah, we'll find our rhythm.
303
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:57,777
What happened to my...
304
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,475
Problem?
305
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:01,781
No, it's just...
306
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,046
...that's my Kennedy
Space Center mug.
307
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,919
I didn't know it was special.
308
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,226
Did you get it on a field trip?
309
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,706
My dad gave it to me.
310
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:17,492
Well, would you like to have it?
311
00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:19,929
No, no, it's fine.
312
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:21,409
I'll just use one
that doesn't remind me
313
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,237
of my late father.
314
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:27,632
Whatever.
315
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,547
[shudders]
316
00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:31,201
Okay, how about this?
317
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,508
Why don't we go through
all the mugs,
318
00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,596
and you can tell me what's what?
319
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:36,119
You know, don't
make this a thing.
320
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,468
Oh, it's already a thing.
321
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,514
Okay, Westfield Dry Cleaners.
322
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:40,776
Can I drink out of this,
323
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,430
or did they sponsor
your Little League team?
324
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,693
Actually, an old girlfriend
left that here.
325
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:45,781
Good to know.
326
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:52,396
Next up, ooh, who's the slut
you took to Lake Tahoe?
327
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,488
Thanks again for
making dinner.
328
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,055
My pleasure.
329
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:00,622
Mung bean pizza tastes
much better than
330
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,102
regular pizza--
am I right?
331
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:05,627
It certainly takes
longer to chew.
332
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,586
Trust me, your colon's
gonna thank you.
333
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,851
Well, the old girl's
trying to say something.
334
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:13,983
Okay, let's get started.
335
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:15,593
Now close your eyes.
336
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,900
You gonna kiss me again?
337
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,902
No, we're gonna meditate.
338
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,861
Just as good.
339
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,819
Take a deep, cleansing breath.
340
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,866
Inhale... Exhale...
341
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,130
[stomach rumbling]
342
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,264
Sorry. Mung beans.
343
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,701
Perfectly natural.
344
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,617
And once again,
deep, centering breath.
345
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,793
Peace in...
346
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:44,274
fear out.
347
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,233
[stomach rumbling]
348
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:51,847
Wow, that one cracked a rib.
349
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:55,938
Don't judge it.
Observe it.
350
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,419
Observe it?
I can taste it.
351
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,076
[gunfire, tires screeching
on TV]
352
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,908
Hey.
Hey.
353
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,871
[turns TV off]
354
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,133
What you doing?
355
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,787
Just going through the mail.
356
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,658
You mean going through my mail?
357
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:24,836
I think you mean,
"Thanks for bringing it in."
358
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,665
Whatever, sure, thanks.
359
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:28,928
[turns TV on]
360
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:31,060
[gunfire, tires screeching
on TV]
361
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,627
[turns TV off]
362
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,325
It's just you've only been here
a couple of days.
363
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:38,111
It's not likely that there's
anything there for you.
364
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:39,242
What's the big deal?
365
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,461
Were you expecting something
366
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,984
from the Kennedy Space Center?
367
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:50,645
You're right. You're right.
Forget it.
368
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,299
[turns TV on]
369
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,659
[turns TV off]
370
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:07,618
Bon?
371
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,144
Yeah?
372
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,189
Jacket.
373
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,414
Yeah.
374
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:24,809
Love you.Yep!
375
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,854
[turns TV on]
376
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:29,118
Whoa! That was close.
377
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:36,038
Really? We're doing
the Tantric thing every time?
378
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,997
Yeah, what'd you think?
379
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:42,566
I don't know, one on, one off?
380
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,829
You're so funny.
381
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,311
I'm gonna go floss.
382
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,535
[stomach rumbling]
383
00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,277
Oh, shut up.
384
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,020
[smacking, slurping]
385
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,593
This was a good idea, Mom.
386
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,595
Right? I hardly ever
get to see you,
387
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,684
and this dinner gives us
a chance to get to know Brad.
388
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:16,122
And also miss a
crucial playoff game.
389
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,864
I told you to record it.
390
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:23,042
A game like that
you need to watch live.
391
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,217
Am I right, Brad?
392
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,349
I wouldn't know,
I don't watch sports.
393
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,003
Really?
394
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,613
What, were you
raised by women?
395
00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:32,181
Yes.
396
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,751
Brad's more of an outdoorsy guy.
397
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,231
This morning, we took
a nature walk,
398
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,189
picked up litter,
and saw a fox.
399
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,410
Well, Brad saw it.
400
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:46,065
I was trying to spear
a condom with a stick.
401
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,939
I hope you don't mind
that we brought our own food.
402
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,462
I try not to be
one of "those people"
403
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,377
who imposes their lifestyle
on others.
404
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:55,813
You hear that?
Brad doesn't impose
405
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,380
his lifestyle on others.
406
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,774
Is this about
the towels again?
407
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,732
I told you, I like 'em
folded in thirds.
408
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,169
You didn't tell me,
you lectured me.
409
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:04,213
Well, that's 'cause
when I said it nicely,
410
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,475
you laughed at me.
411
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,651
I thought you were kidding.
412
00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:12,352
Speaking of towels,
413
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:13,875
Brad and I have been sharing one
414
00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:15,485
to cut down
on our water footprint.
415
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:17,879
I've also turned her on
to mindful flushing.
416
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:21,361
Yep. If it's yellow,
let it mellow.
417
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,885
Or you could just cop
a squat at the neighbor's.
418
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,933
How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?
419
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:35,462
These quinoa cakes came
out pretty good, huh?
420
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:40,031
Quinoa, quin-wow!
421
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,729
Christy, you sure
you don't want some ribs?
422
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:45,863
They do look good.
423
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:51,391
But I'm trying to make
healthier choices.
424
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,480
It's not just
for our own sake.
425
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,046
You do know that the
livestock industry
426
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,396
is destroying our planet.
427
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,311
No, Brad, I do not know that.
428
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:02,663
Why don't you tell them
about your podcast?
429
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,534
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
It's called
430
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,449
Giving Up with Brad Partridge.
431
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,324
So it's about assisted suicide?
432
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:14,936
No. Thisis
assisted suicide.
433
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:21,421
Brad teaches that happiness
is not about getting stuff,
434
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,031
it's about giving stuff up.
435
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,989
See, our culture
has it all wrong.
436
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,166
We spend our entire lives
accumulating things
437
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,906
when, really, we should
be giving them up.
438
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:30,299
Like a cabinet full
of coffee mugs
439
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:31,692
you think chronicle your life?
440
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,563
Or a Ziploc Baggie
full of old hair extensions?
441
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,869
You said that was my drawer.
442
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:36,523
Why are you looking
in my drawer?
443
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:37,872
Why you looking
at my mail?
444
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,308
Maybe we should g...Why'd you ask me
to move in
445
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:40,309
if you're gonna be so freakin'
weird about everything?
446
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,354
ADAM:
I'm not weird about things.
447
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,746
I'm specific.Oh, please.
448
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,139
You're so anal, your ass
is folded into thirds.
449
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,185
Aw, been nice knowing you.
450
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,193
You have no idea
how happy I am
451
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,411
to be in bed with you.
452
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:58,371
Right back at you.
453
00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:01,765
Mmm... this is
the closest I've come
454
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,551
to an orgasm in weeks.
455
00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:07,249
What did you see
in that guy, anyway?
456
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:10,252
Come on, Mom,
he stood for something.
457
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,950
He wanted to make the world
a better place and...
458
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:17,433
Oh, who am I kidding?
He liked me.
459
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:18,652
Are you that desperate?
460
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,349
Yes, said the girl eating ribs
461
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,872
in bed with her mother.
462
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,440
Hey, can I get
in on that?
463
00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:27,530
Adam wouldn't let
me eat in bed.
464
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,923
Are you guys
gonna be okay?
465
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:29,924
Oh, yeah.
466
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:31,317
We love each other,
467
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,928
but three nights a week
is our magic number.
468
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:36,278
My magic number with Brad
is minus nine,
469
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,888
considering how many times
I went to sleep
470
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,151
with a bag of frozen peas
between my legs.
471
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,720
Mmm.
472
00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:45,940
They'rethe problem, right?
473
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,594
Absolutely.
32639
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