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1
00:00:02,872 --> 00:00:04,439
Hi, I'm Jill.
I'm an alcoholic.
2
00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:06,223
ALL:
Hi, Jill.
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:09,531
I got to tell you, if it wasn't
for this meeting tonight,
4
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,228
I never would've gotten
out of bed today.
5
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,795
Here we go.
6
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:15,754
Fifty shades of Jill.
7
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:19,236
Today's the anniversary
of my mother's suicide.
8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,847
Obviously, I misspoke.
9
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,328
It's so weird
10
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,417
'cause I remember it
like it was yesterday.
11
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,160
I came home from school
a little early
12
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,510
'cause cheerleading practice
was cut short.
13
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,947
Shannon Benson misjudged
a scissor kick
14
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,558
and broke her own nose...
15
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:40,083
...which, believe me,
was a godsend.
16
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,871
Anyway...
17
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:48,613
I walked in the kitchen and
she gave me a real tight hug,
18
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:52,226
which was odd because
she wasn't much of a hugger.
19
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:55,142
And then she gave me
her credit card and told me
20
00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:57,144
to go to the mall and buy myself
something nice.
21
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,757
And when I got back, I...
22
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,629
I found her in the garage
slumped over the steering wheel
23
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,067
with the motor running.
24
00:01:08,764 --> 00:01:11,288
I just stood there
in my new peach leather jacket,
25
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,855
too scared to move.
26
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,122
[choking up]:
You know what, this is too...
27
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,515
I can't.
28
00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:22,082
Thank you.
29
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,217
BRUCE: Would anyone else
like to share?
30
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,741
I'll go.
31
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,875
Hi, Bonnie, alcoholic.
32
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,094
ALL:
Hi, Bonnie.
33
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,313
[sighs]
What a day I've had.
34
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:38,924
I waited around all morning
35
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,100
for this package
to be delivered.
36
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:41,666
I take two minutes to pee
37
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:42,667
and miss the guy.
38
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,408
Now, I got to go
39
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,584
wait in line at the post office
forever.
40
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,020
Ugh!
41
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,587
I just want to kill myself.
42
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,851
Oh, Mom!
43
00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:54,244
What?
44
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,859
Well, you could've
given me a heads up.
45
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,341
Sorry, I didn't know
the hand signal for,
46
00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:07,344
"Hey, idiot, Jill just talked
about her dead mother."
47
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,607
You think she noticed?
48
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,696
Yes, and do you know
why she noticed?
49
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,263
Because she listens.
50
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:15,352
The reason the program works
is you share your pain,
51
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:18,007
other people listen and you feel
better 'cause you feel heard.
52
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,530
You feel like you're not alone.
53
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,881
Oh, my God, look,
a three-legged dog.
54
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,840
He's got an apple.
55
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,279
♪
56
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,297
Are you okay, honey?
57
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,604
I guess.
58
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,867
Just... too sad to eat.
59
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,739
Well, just know that
we're all here for you.
60
00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,222
You know, it's always
a hard day for me,
61
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,181
but this year it's just
really kicking my ass.
62
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,573
What do you think
that's about?
63
00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:07,404
My mother was 37
when she died.
64
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,492
That's how old I am now.
65
00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:11,756
I've actually outlived her.
66
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,802
Okay, this is serious.
67
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,544
She told us her real age.
68
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:20,243
She had so much--
a husband, a family,
69
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,898
a career--
she still took her life.
70
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,508
I mean, I don't have
any of that stuff.
71
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:25,466
What am I doing?
72
00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:30,732
Who the hell puts mustard
on chicken salad?
73
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,737
I know, I know, I should've
left her in the car.
74
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,131
You know,
I-I think I'm gonna go.
75
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,872
I'm just bringing
the group down.
76
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,091
That's all right.
77
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,527
I do that all the
time and I stay.
78
00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:47,096
Yeah, Jill, hang out.
79
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:49,054
We can go catch a movie
or something.
80
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,969
You guys are sweet.
81
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,232
I appreciate it.
82
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,407
Bye.
83
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:55,409
See you.
84
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:58,150
Okay, I don't know about you,
85
00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,195
but I'm a little worried.
86
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,544
She's definitely
not herself.
87
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,503
Yeah, it's time
to circle the wagons,
88
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,679
make sure we're available
if she needs us.
89
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:05,897
It just goes to show,
90
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,247
you can have all
the money in the world
91
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,639
and still be so unhappy.
92
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,945
Very true.
93
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,990
You know...
94
00:04:13,557 --> 00:04:15,429
...I spoke too soon.
95
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,431
The mustard is working.
96
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:24,307
[knocking]
97
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:26,396
Hey, wake up.
98
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,311
What? Is that your wife?
99
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,447
There's someone at the door.
100
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:34,796
Well, go answer it.
101
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,101
No, this is when you
102
00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,451
being a giant comes in handy.
103
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:43,065
[knocking continues]
104
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,632
Who is it?
105
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:45,763
It's Jill.
106
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:46,764
[whispering]:
It's Jill.
107
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,940
Thank you.
108
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,595
I know we said
we'd be there for her,
109
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,729
but I assumed it'd be
during business hours.
110
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,339
Sorry to bother you,
111
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,123
but I have some things
that I wanted to give you.
112
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,474
Are you okay?Yeah, why you ask?
113
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,127
It's after midnight.
114
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,825
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot you guys
115
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,609
have jobs and stuff.
116
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:08,960
Here, this is for you.
117
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,704
Oh, my God, this is a Rolex.
118
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,098
What are you doing?
119
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,665
Well, I have all these things,
120
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:18,753
they don't make me happy,
121
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:19,797
so I'm getting rid of them.
122
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,364
Simplify, simplify, simplify.
123
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,801
Or to simplify, just simplify.
124
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,673
Okay, you're freaking me out.
125
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,152
Mom, say something.
126
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,676
That watch may be too
big for your wrist.
127
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,549
I'm not taking this.
128
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,072
Come on, let's have a cup of tea
and talk.
129
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:35,422
I really don't have
time to talk, though,
130
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:36,597
'cause I've got some
clothes and purses
131
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,989
for Marjorie and Wendy.It can wait.
132
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,251
You're not Santa Claus.
133
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:40,383
You don't have to do
it all in one night.
134
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,690
I like purses.
135
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,564
Victor, I know we said
we'd go to the mall,
136
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,436
but Jill's in crisis.
137
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:52,047
Yes, they probably can
handle her without me,
138
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:54,005
but I'd rather
they not know that.
139
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,268
I got to go.
140
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,837
Hi.
141
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:02,231
Suddenly I feel underdressed.
142
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,798
"Suddenly"?
143
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,236
Where'd you get the tiara?
144
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,498
Jill gave it to me.
145
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:12,110
She was Miss Buttermilk Biscuit
1997.
146
00:06:12,154 --> 00:06:14,025
And you weren't.
Give it back.
147
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,679
No. It was a gift
148
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,420
from a dear and
possibly suicidal friend.
149
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:18,595
It means a lot to me.
150
00:06:21,642 --> 00:06:22,686
Jill,
151
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,384
time to wake up.
152
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,429
Go away.
153
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,604
It's 3:00.
154
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,171
Don't you have things to do?
155
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:32,261
The Pilates class, massage,
156
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:35,003
something to wax?
157
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,745
Those things all sound
so trivial now.
158
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:40,617
They are,
that's why you love them.
159
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:43,272
The Great Grey
Hope is here.
160
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,667
[sighs]
I don't know what to do.
161
00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,582
She came over in the middle
of the night all wound up,
162
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,279
then she crashed and
I can't get her out of bed.
163
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,412
It's okay, I got it.
164
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,285
Hey, sweetie.
165
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,243
Hey, Marjorie.
166
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,508
I understand
you're giving away
167
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,726
all your stuff.
168
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,381
I have a teapot for you
in my car.
169
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,122
I don't want your
teapot, honey.
170
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,906
Is it silver?
171
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:11,909
Jill, giving away
all your stuff
172
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,476
sounds like a
cry for help.
173
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,609
It's just stuff.
174
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,088
I'm still alone.
175
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,481
You're not alone.
176
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,048
Yes, I am!
177
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,484
I mean, you have a husband
178
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,572
and these two have each other.
179
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:25,183
Real fun.
Lucky us.
180
00:07:25,227 --> 00:07:28,230
All I go home to
is my housekeeper,
181
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,884
my gardener and my pool guy.
182
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:31,233
Well, there you go.
183
00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:32,408
Be grateful for them.
184
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,237
They hate me.
185
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:39,241
Okay, you got your health,
you have your sobriety...
186
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,809
A clean house with
a pool and a garden.
187
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:44,420
Sounds to me like
somebody needs a meeting.
188
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,553
Oh, why bother?
189
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,598
My life is pointless.
190
00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:50,513
Okay, that's it.
191
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,254
We're done.
192
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,385
Hey!
193
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:54,735
[sighs]
You just crossed the line
194
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,388
from feeling your feelings
195
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,999
to feeling sorry
for yourself.
196
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,653
Get her.
197
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,350
So, instead
of laying around here,
198
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:02,699
wallowing in self-pity,
199
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:03,831
you're gonna help someone
200
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,310
less fortunate than you.
201
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:08,531
I gave them a watch and a tiara.
202
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,707
I volunteer
at a soup kitchen
203
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:12,709
once a month.
You're coming with me.
204
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,842
To a soup kitchen?
205
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,670
That's a great idea.
I'll go, too.
206
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:17,714
Mom?
207
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,455
Sure, I could go for some soup.
208
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,676
We're not having soup, are we?
209
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,247
Hey, Charlotte,
you're looking good.
210
00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,727
Hey, Marjorie.
211
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,251
This is Jill,
she's helping us out today.
212
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:34,557
Nice to meet you.
213
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,690
Did she get a nudge
from the judge?
214
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:39,127
Nope, just volunteering.
215
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,912
Oh, God bless you, sweetie.
216
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,958
No, God bless you for,
217
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,568
you know, being homeless.
218
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,139
You were right.
219
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:54,751
A tiara would have been
out of place here.
220
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,319
It's out of place
everywhere.
221
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:59,582
How long do we
have to do this?
222
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:00,975
Oh, for God's sake,
it's been ten minutes.
223
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:02,367
That's not an answer.
224
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:04,108
Seriously?
225
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,588
You're not getting
anything out of this?
226
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,372
Zip.
227
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,592
No gratitude,
nothing positive?
228
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,116
Well, I wouldn't mind getting
the recipe for this cornbread.
229
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,903
You can't really be
that self-obsessed.
230
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:19,036
Hey, I'm here, I'm spooning out
this white stuff.
231
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,081
It's mashed potatoes.
232
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,561
Yeah, I beg to differ.
233
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,042
Thank you, Marjorie.
234
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,609
I'm glad we're doing this.
235
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:27,958
I thought it might help.
236
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,569
I didn't realize
how wonderful it is
237
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,222
to feel needed.
238
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,268
To take care of those who
can't take care of themselves.
239
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,617
Well, you know, you
can come back here
240
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:35,792
any time you want.
241
00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:36,880
They can always
use the help.
242
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,186
Oh, no.
[chuckles]
243
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,579
I'm never
coming back here.
244
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:40,710
It's gross.
245
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,932
But now I know what's
missing in my life.
246
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,890
Well, that's terrific.
247
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:47,978
You guys hear that?
248
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,066
Jill's figured out
249
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,372
what's missing in her life.
250
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,721
Great, what is it?
251
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:52,896
I need to have a baby.
252
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,072
What?
A baby?
253
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,465
Well, now I'm paying attention.
254
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:57,814
Yeah, you know,
something that loves me
255
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,816
and needs me
and isn't allowed to leave.
256
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,905
Way to go, Marjorie.
257
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:11,001
...which is when I said,
"Way to go, Marjorie."
258
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,874
I was just trying to
give Jill perspective.
259
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,223
And it was a good idea.
260
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,442
That went horribly,
horribly wrong.
261
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,271
So you guys all went
to a soup kitchen without me?
262
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:23,013
Yeah, and it was full of
good-looking single guys.
263
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,496
Don't get me wrong.
264
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,541
I love her, but Jill is
the last person
265
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,021
in the world who should be
having a baby.
266
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,675
Normally, I'd agree with you,
267
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:35,852
but I know a lot of women
with no maternal instincts
268
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,985
who turned out to be
great mothers.
269
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,726
BOTH:
Thank you.
270
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,033
Did you even
think to call me?
271
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,168
This isn't about
you, Wendy.
272
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:50,345
Oh, hey, I finally got to
say it to somebody else.
273
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:53,087
This isn't about you, Wendy.
274
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:56,786
It's kind of fun.
275
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:59,006
I don't think we have
to overreact here.
276
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,964
I mean, we all
love Jill very much,
277
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,139
but let's be honest,
278
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,880
she has a short attention span.
279
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,186
Today she wants a baby,
280
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,144
tomorrow she'll
want a Birkin bag.
281
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:08,711
She has a Birkin bag.
282
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:12,236
Really? And all she gave
me was that stupid tiara?
283
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,456
Wait, you guys got gifts?
284
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:22,812
I can't believe she's already
picking out sperm donors.
285
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,380
Well, she loves shopping,
it makes sense.
286
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,383
So, what's the plan?
287
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,298
I don't know,
figure out a way
288
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,692
to talk her out of
this baby craziness.
289
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:34,171
Great. What do you
need from me?
290
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,303
Honestly?
291
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:36,304
Go away for about an hour
292
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,435
and come back with dinner.
293
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,395
Excuse me, but I can help.
294
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,266
I will tell her
how painful it was
295
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,051
when you came out of me
feet first.
296
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:47,141
I came out feet first
so I could run.
297
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,494
Okay, so I've
got my donors
298
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,278
separated into
three categories:
299
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:56,106
brains, looks
and good hair.
300
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:59,240
Wouldn't looks and good hair
be in the same category?
301
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,807
Oh, Bonnie.
302
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:05,246
Jill, maybe you should
think this through
303
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,770
a little bit more before you
start picking a donor.
304
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,294
Why would I want to wait when I
know this is what I want to do?
305
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:11,774
Cheese and crackers!
Will you look at
306
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,602
what they're
getting for sperm?
307
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,647
Tell me about it.
In college,
308
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,040
I was up to my eyeballs
in the stuff,
309
00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:19,303
now I got to write
a check for it.
310
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,526
Hey, didn't you talk about
going to Europe next year?
311
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,528
Gonna be mighty hard
with a baby.
312
00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,095
Oh, it's just a trip.
313
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:29,749
I figured Europe's been there
for 300 years,
314
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:32,273
it'll be there a few more.
315
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,362
I'd move "brains"
to the front of the list.
316
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:38,409
I was kind of leaning towards
this guy with the blue eyes.
317
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,543
How pretty
would our daughter be?
318
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,632
Lovely...
319
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:46,766
in a master race
kind of way.
320
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:48,637
What is this, Build-a-Bear?
321
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,856
I mean, how do you even know
322
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,161
it's gonna be a girl?
323
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,554
[smacks lips]
Oh, it's easy,
324
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:54,208
they just spin the goo up
in this thingie
325
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,122
and you get what you want.
326
00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,040
Have you considered
the possibility
327
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:02,956
that your alcoholism could be
passed down to this child?
328
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:05,567
Oh, it won't be an issue.
My kid's not gonna drink
329
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:09,571
and even if she does,
she'll go to the best rehabs.
330
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,747
And we can go to meetings
together, like you two.
331
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,099
Oh, honey, don't aim for us.
332
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:20,495
To be honest, I really
am not sure that...
333
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:21,975
Oh, I almost forgot!
334
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,846
The doctor told me that
I was gonna need someone
335
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,066
to give me hormone shots and go
with me to my appointments.
336
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:28,155
You know, someone to be
my partner in all this.
337
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:29,504
And I can't think
of anybody else
338
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,158
I'd rather do this
with than you,
339
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,029
'cause, well, you're
my best friend.
340
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:33,943
Really?
341
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,859
I'm your best friend?
342
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,121
Of course you are.
343
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:41,298
Wow, I don't know what to say.
344
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:42,647
Thank you.
345
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,258
So you'll do it?
346
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,434
I'd be honored.
347
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:47,696
Come here!
348
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:48,871
[quietly]:
What are you doing?
349
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,830
[quietly]:
No idea.
350
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:57,619
Aw, they make cashmere onesies.
351
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:59,142
"Cashmere"?
352
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:01,318
You're gonna let your baby
spit up on cashmere?
353
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:04,017
Well, I won't put her in it
when she's gonna spit up.
354
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:09,718
Oh, okay, good plan.
355
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,982
[gasps] A crib in the shape
of Cinderella's carriage.
356
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,244
What do you think?
357
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,333
It kind of looks
like a float
358
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:18,596
in a very tiny
gay pride parade.
359
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,774
That is going
on the baby registry.
360
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,341
Jill, it's $18,000!
361
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:26,213
No pressure, I'll have
a separate shower
362
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,650
for my rich friends.
363
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:31,609
Sweetie, you're not
even pregnant yet,
364
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,873
you won't need any of
this stuff for a while.
365
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,178
And when the baby
gets here,
366
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,745
all it needs for
the first six months
367
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,399
are clean diapers
and a boob.
368
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,009
Oh, I am not breastfeeding.
369
00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,445
I googled some after pics,
370
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,621
did not like what I saw.
371
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:46,711
But breastfeeding is
good for the baby.
372
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,757
Yeah, so is having a hot mom.
373
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,676
Thanks again
for doing this with me.
374
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,286
You're welcome.
375
00:14:57,853 --> 00:15:00,247
Once I'm a mom,
I know I'll be so happy.
376
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,945
Jill Kendall.
377
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,599
Okeydokey.
378
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:07,950
Let's go see how many eggs
are in this basket.
379
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,560
Jill, don't do this!
380
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:11,954
Don't do what?
381
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,477
Have a baby.
382
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:14,870
It's not what you
think it is.
383
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,480
It's not playing dress-up
384
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:17,742
and picnics at the beach.
385
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,701
I mean, there are
some picnics,
386
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:21,485
but just packing up
the car to get there
387
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,531
can crush your soul.
388
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:24,967
And you will forget wipes.
389
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,316
Trust me, you will forget them.
390
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,537
Being a parent is hard.
391
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,322
It's exhausting and you
are not cut out for it.
392
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,803
Why are you saying this?
393
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,979
You're supposed to be
my best friend.
394
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,851
That's why I'm saying
it, because I am.
395
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:42,028
You're trying to fix what
happened with your mom
396
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,030
by having a baby and
it's not gonna work.
397
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:48,730
If having a child solved
all our problems,
398
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,688
your mother wouldn't have...
399
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,909
done what she did.
400
00:15:58,131 --> 00:16:00,089
I never want
to talk to you again.
401
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,137
Jill, I've been there.
402
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,834
I know what I'm talking about.
403
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:08,619
Just because you failed
as a mother doesn't mean I will!
404
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,323
[door closes]
405
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,244
Give her time.
I'm sure Jill will see
406
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,028
you were coming
from a good place.
407
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,638
I hope so.
408
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,510
I really don't want to
lose her as a friend.
409
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,903
When I got pregnant
with this one,
410
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,167
I had a friend who didn't
think it was a good idea.
411
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:36,299
I came this close to
having an abortion.
412
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,083
What?!
413
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,999
I told you this.
414
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,043
Uh-uh.
415
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,262
Would've remembered.
416
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,353
Calm down, I didn't do it.
417
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:48,094
Who?
418
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,617
Who told you to get rid of me?
419
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,227
Well, you don't know her,
420
00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,055
because I never
spoke to her again.
421
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:56,667
That's my point, that might
happen between you and Jill.
422
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,539
Wait, so in one breath,
423
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,410
you just told me
that you almost aborted me
424
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,456
and I may lose
one of my best friends forever.
425
00:17:02,499 --> 00:17:04,327
What kind of pep talk is that?
426
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,895
Oh, my God, you get mad at me
when I pay attention,
427
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,897
you get mad at me
when I don't pay attention.
428
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,553
Well, well, well...
429
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,079
Another private gathering.
430
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,516
Don't be silly,
it's not private.
431
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,476
Yeah, we just
forgot about you.
432
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,608
Oh, okay then.
433
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,958
So what's going on?
29954
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