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1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:03,960
Previously onMom...I got a job.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,179
Really? Where?
3
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:06,267
At Harrah's.
4
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:07,790
I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.
5
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:09,313
Wait a minute.
6
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,272
You're moving to Lake Tahoe?
7
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,969
Yeah, my friend
Lindsay's dad is a pit boss
8
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,492
and he hooked us up.
We're gonna share an apartment,
9
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,451
and go to dealer school.
It'll be a blast.
10
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,322
But what about
finishing college?
11
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:19,323
Making something of your life.
12
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,456
I am making something, money.
13
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,762
When people win at blackjack,
they give you a tip.
14
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,374
So I figure all I got to do
is make sure that they win.
15
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:31,161
Oh, God, she'll be
stripping in a month.
16
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:33,337
May I step in?Have at it.
17
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,687
[sets mug on table]That sounds like
a terrific plan, Violet.
18
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:36,775
Good luck.
19
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:39,387
That's how you step in?
Step out.
20
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,476
What?
She's an adult.
21
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,695
Maybe college isn't
the right thing for her now.
22
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,871
So you'd rather
have her deal blackjack?
23
00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:48,135
No, it's a terrible idea,
but let her find out for herself
24
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:49,397
that she's an idiot.
25
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,964
Thanks, Grandma.
26
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:55,359
♪
27
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,406
Wow.
28
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,104
Someone thinks
she's having sex tonight.
29
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,150
I better be having sex tonight.
30
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:04,455
It's been 14 months.
31
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,066
I think I might
be a virgin again.
32
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:11,071
So who's gonna be working
the jaws of life?
33
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:12,289
His name's Paul.
34
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,335
I met him in the
Wednesday morning meeting.
35
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:19,383
He's 40, builds houses,
never married, rescues dogs.
36
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:21,037
"Rescues dogs."
37
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,127
Checks all the boxes.
38
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,042
Yep, just one more to go.
39
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,089
You take care of
business down there?
40
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:30,394
Are you kidding me?
41
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,440
I'm waxed like
a ballroom floor.
42
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,268
Seriously,
43
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:37,009
unless I take off his pants
and find a store-bought vagina,
44
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,750
this guy's getting
the ride of his life.
45
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,056
[laughs]
46
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,623
[phone rings]
47
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:43,233
Oh, God, please
don't be cancelling,
48
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:45,192
please don't be cancelling.It's your daughter.
49
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:48,151
Let it go to voice mail...Hey, Vi, it's your Grandma,
what's up?
50
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,284
Ooh, you don't sound so good.
51
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,285
She's sick.
52
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,330
How sick?
How sick?
53
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:54,331
Mono?
54
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,638
What?
55
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:59,423
Have you seen a doctor?
56
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,773
Okay, okay, don't cry.
57
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,645
Of course
I'll come take care of you.
58
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:05,168
I'll be there as soon as I can.
59
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,387
Mommy's coming.
60
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:07,431
Just not the way she hoped.
61
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:09,346
♪
62
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,696
Oh, hey.
63
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:13,655
Oh, my God, Paul,
you're on time.
64
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,570
Another box checked.
65
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,485
Wow, you look great...
66
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:18,399
Mm, mm!
67
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,705
Okay.
68
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,316
I'm sorry,
I can't go out tonight.
69
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,447
I'll text you why from the car.
70
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:24,709
Short version, mono.
71
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,408
Not me, my daughter, I'm clean.
72
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:29,366
Big sloppy
rain check coming at you.
73
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,586
She's serious,
you're as good as done.
74
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,155
♪
75
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:58,482
Wow, you just blew
past a Maserati.
76
00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:01,659
Just a rich douche bag who
doesn't know how to drive.
77
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:04,488
Yeah, good point, y-you still
might want to slow down.
78
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,489
My daughter's sick.
She needs me.
79
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,143
She just has mono.
80
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,623
That's what she admitted
to over the phone.
81
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:12,061
For all I know,
she's riddled with... Ebola.
82
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:14,716
Well, if that's the case,
then there's no hurry.
83
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:17,458
By the time we get there,
she'll be 90 pounds of soup.
84
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:20,156
Not funny.
85
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,592
Why are you making
yourself crazy?
86
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:22,985
You used to get sick
all the time
87
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,943
when you were a kid,
I never panicked.
88
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:27,816
Just put on I Love Lucyand
gave you a big glass of Tang.
89
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:32,473
And that's why I still
buy my pants at Gap Kids.
90
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:33,778
Hey, don't put that on me.
91
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:36,041
Your father was a lawn dwarf.
92
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:38,653
[siren wailing]
93
00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:40,481
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
94
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:41,482
Pull up over here.
95
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,135
Damn, damn, damn.
96
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:44,180
Look at the bright side,
97
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,574
you're gonna crush
the breathalyzer.
98
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:47,662
♪
99
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,577
Do you know why
I pulled you over?
100
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,143
Yes, I was speeding,
but my daughter's
101
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,015
up in Lake Tahoe
and she has mono.
102
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,017
I have to get there.
She's all alone.
103
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,758
I'm sorry to hear that, but...
104
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,325
You don't understand,
she was never there for me
105
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,501
so I'm trying to
break the cycle of neglect.
106
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,372
Yeah, that's not really
what this is about...
107
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:03,895
Tell him, Mom, tell him.
108
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,768
I was a horrible mother,
Officer.
109
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:09,423
She was one step away
from being a feral cat.
110
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,121
License and registration.
111
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:14,079
Yes, sir.
112
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:14,819
You been drinking?
113
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:17,648
Not since May 14, 2013.
114
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:18,649
I can prove it.
115
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:19,694
I have a chip.
116
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,304
That's all right.
117
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,740
Wait here.
118
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,917
Oh, God, I can't
afford a ticket.
119
00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:28,442
[exhales]
There is a way to get out of it.
120
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,139
Don't even think it.
121
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:31,662
You're all waxed,
you should use it
122
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,708
before you get
five o'clock shadow.
123
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,841
Why don't you do
Officer Handsome?
124
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,539
'Cause I look like ZZ Top
down there.
125
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,062
[car speeds by]
126
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,106
Oh, hey, look,
127
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,847
the Maserati finally
caught up to us.
128
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:44,327
And they're giving us
the finger.
129
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,329
Douche bag!
130
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,939
Not you, Officer.
131
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,594
♪
132
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:53,162
I can't believe it,
a $200 ticket.
133
00:04:53,205 --> 00:04:54,250
Just throw it away.
134
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,773
They never follow up
on those things.
135
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:58,167
That's jury duty.
136
00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:01,344
I don't think so.
137
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,391
♪
138
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:09,657
25, 26, 27.
139
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,267
Wait, where's 28?
140
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,660
Violet's in 28.
141
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,357
I don't see a 28.
142
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,358
It has to be here.
143
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:16,446
And we're definitely in
144
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,665
Colony Two, Building Four?
145
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,710
You said Colony Four,
Building Two.
146
00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:23,584
I did not, I said...
147
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:24,889
Yeah, that is what I said.
148
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,675
♪
149
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:30,155
Are you getting a signal?Not yet.
150
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,767
Should we go to the roof
and navigate by the stars?
151
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,464
I keep thinking we're gonna
come across the bones
152
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,161
of a dead pizza guy.
153
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:38,120
♪
154
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,991
Honey, I promise
we're in the building.
155
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,645
Can you hear your
grandma screaming? Scream.
156
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:44,779
We are here!
We are here!
157
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,737
Calm down, we're on our way.
158
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:48,609
She heard me?
No.
159
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,654
Oh, damn.
Now what?
160
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:53,657
We need to start rationing
our supplies.
161
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,617
♪
162
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,445
Oh, thank God.
163
00:05:58,488 --> 00:05:59,620
I'm here, baby.
164
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,534
Thanks, kid.
I'll let you know
165
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:02,362
if we need those show tickets.
166
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:03,928
[clucks tongue]
167
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,670
Oh, honey,
you're burning up.
168
00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,411
I feel awful.
169
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:09,456
Hi, Vi.
170
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:10,718
Hey, Grandma.
171
00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:12,372
What's with
all the luggage?
172
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:13,677
Aren't you taking me home?
173
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,636
You are home.
174
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,725
No, I mean homehome.
175
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,554
Where welive?
176
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:24,471
Yeah, I want to move back in
with you guys.
177
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,734
But what about your roommate--
what's her name, Sarah?
178
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:27,952
I thought you loved her.
179
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,433
Not anymore,
she's a bitch.
180
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,915
'Sup.
181
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,439
Who's that?
182
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,398
Sarah's boyfriend.
183
00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:40,922
Does he have mono, too?
184
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:43,228
I don't know,
I'm not a doctor.
185
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,448
I think I know why
Sarah's a bitch.
186
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,669
Can we just go?
187
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:49,626
What about your job?
188
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:50,975
Don't you need to call someone?
189
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,455
Tell them you'll be out
for awhile?
190
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:55,763
[crying]: Why are you asking me
so many questions?
191
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,591
Okay, okay.
192
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:58,853
Let's get you home.
193
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,551
Where did you park?
194
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,248
In the parking structure.
195
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,162
Which one?
196
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:06,556
Oh, God.
197
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,211
Wait here,
I'll find the kid.
198
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:10,473
Little boy!
199
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,170
Little boy!
200
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,826
How's she doing?
201
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,089
Out like a light.
202
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,617
Man, I miss NyQuil.
203
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:24,618
Poor baby.
204
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:25,880
Poor baby my ass.
205
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,665
I'm telling you,
we're driving a getaway car.
206
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,145
What are you talking about?
207
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:30,928
She's very sick.
208
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,495
Oh, I believe she's sick.
209
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,366
I just think there's
something else going on here.
210
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:35,324
Like what?
211
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,065
Think about it--
all of a sudden
212
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,806
she wants to move
back in with you?
213
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:40,285
Now, correct me
if I'm wrong,
214
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,462
but last we checked,
she hates you.
215
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,420
Maybe she's outgrown that.
216
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,248
Maybe my daughter's
come to appreciate me.
217
00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:47,728
Yeah, and maybe
she wasn't banging
218
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,469
her roommate's boyfriend.
219
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:52,950
You just think the worst
about everybody.
220
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:55,823
Yeah, and I'm right
98% of the time.
221
00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:56,998
Well, we'll just see.
222
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:58,173
Yeah, I'll tell you
what you're gonna see.
223
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,653
You're gonna see my,
"I told you so" face.
224
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,046
Ugh.
225
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,005
God.
226
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,531
Where's Roscoe?
227
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:09,706
At his dad's.
228
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:10,838
Ugh, I hope these sheets
229
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,709
aren't filled with his boogers.
230
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,581
That's the least
of your problems.
231
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:15,843
For the last few months,
232
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,671
this has been
your grandma's sex bed.
233
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:18,802
[groans]
234
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:19,934
Hey, Vi, quick question.
235
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,762
I was emptying your bag
236
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:22,806
to get some laundry going
237
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,112
and I found what appears to be
238
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,722
$2,000 in one of your socks.
239
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,985
What the hell?
240
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,292
Which was my quick question.
241
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:33,034
Yeah, they're just my tips
from dealing blackjack.
242
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,644
Really?
243
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:38,169
People tip you with sequentially
numbered, crisp $100 bills?
244
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:39,823
Sometimes.
245
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,391
Honey, do you want to tell us
246
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:43,392
what's going on?
247
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,350
Not really, no.
248
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,657
I promise I'm gonna love you
249
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:48,658
no matter what.
250
00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:49,703
That being said,
251
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,008
if you have broken
any major laws,
252
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,054
we will be turning you in...
253
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:54,882
especially if there's a reward.
254
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:57,362
Just let me
go to sleep.
255
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,016
Christy, why don't you
go make us some tea
256
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,409
while I talk
to my granddaughter?
257
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:01,932
That's all right,
I got this.
258
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,847
Really?
You think you're just gonna
259
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:04,848
hug the truth out of her?
260
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:08,765
Please, I'm so tired.
261
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:11,812
Okay, we'll talk later.
262
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:12,769
Sweet dreams.
263
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,945
Thank you.
264
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:20,168
Why are you still here?
265
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,477
CHRISTY:
Mom, what are
you doing?
266
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:26,870
Just make the tea.
267
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:30,004
Maybe put some loud music on.
268
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,879
Hey, Christy.
Yeah?
269
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,230
[groans]
270
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,886
Let's hear it, what's the deal
with the money?
271
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,105
I'll give you three guesses.
272
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,585
Ugh, I am not in the mood
273
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:46,368
to play games.
274
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:47,848
Too bad, I am.
Guess.
275
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:50,894
Okay.
276
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,811
Is she a hook...
277
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:58,119
hook...
278
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,947
escort?
279
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,035
Good guess, but no.
280
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,645
You have two guesses remaining.
281
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:08,172
Is she acting in por...
282
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,217
por...
283
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,958
[groans]
284
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,916
...adult film?
285
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:13,917
[imitates buzzer]
286
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:15,963
One more try, make it count.
287
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:16,920
Do I win something here?
288
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,356
This is the worst game ever.
289
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,141
Quickly, Christy,
the clock is ticking.
290
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,926
Okay, fine, she's selling drugs.
291
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,449
Oh, come on, she's pretty,
292
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:26,495
she's not smart,
but thanks for playing.
293
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,845
Damn it.
294
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,805
I'm actually kind of bummed out
that I lost.
295
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:32,936
So, what is it?
296
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,764
Turns out she agreed to marry
297
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:36,418
some schmuck from a country
298
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,855
she's not sure how to pronounce,
so he could get his green card.
299
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,378
For $2,000?
300
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,642
No, for $10,000.
301
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:46,297
She spent the rest on,
and I quote, "fun stuff."
302
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:47,821
Oh, God.
303
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,692
So, now I have a son-in-law?
304
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,868
Oh, no, no,
she didn't marry poor Makhmud.
305
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:54,088
She took his money
and his innocence.
306
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,004
Oy.
307
00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:58,440
Plunkett women,
308
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:02,096
making bad decisions
for three generations.
309
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:10,713
I mean, you make
peace with the fact
310
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,714
that your kid may not be
311
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,759
the best person in the world,
312
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:13,977
but what do you do
313
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,849
when you find out
she steals, cheats, lies
314
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,112
and spreads disease
like a plague rat?
315
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,896
BONNIE:
Well...
316
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,768
if you're not
particularly bright,
317
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,465
you bring her home
and share cutlery.
318
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,815
What choice did I have?
I'm her mother.
319
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:27,687
I'm responsible for the way
she turned out.
320
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:28,731
Yeah, I'll tell you
what your problem is:
321
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,732
you're too soft on her.
322
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,168
You got to lay
down the law.
323
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,692
These words stick in my throat
324
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,736
like a chicken bone,
325
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,651
but Bonnie's right.
326
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:37,871
Wait, what did I say?
327
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,873
Because now I'm starting
to doubt myself.
328
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,265
Your daughter's 21.
329
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:43,790
At what point is she responsible
for her own life?
330
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,748
Yeah, but she never...No buts.
331
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,708
You got to tell her
as soon as she's feeling better,
332
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,885
she has to get a job
and pay the green card guy back.
333
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,800
Damn straight, Marjorie.
334
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,889
Hold up,
what is happening?
335
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:59,457
It's weirding me out, too.
336
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:02,243
How can I be hard on her?
I was drunk most of her life.
337
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:05,202
She had to take care of herself,
she had to take care of Roscoe.
338
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,814
Hell, half the time
she had to take care of me.
339
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,119
But you're sober now.
340
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,947
And believe it or not,
you're a good mom.
341
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,209
You can handle it.
342
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,646
How about this?
343
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,953
How about I start
drinking and drugging again?
344
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,781
And how does that help Violet?
345
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:22,002
It doesn't,
but I won't give a rat's ass.
346
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,616
Sorry, you don't get to take
the easy way out.
347
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,792
You got to suck it up
and do your best.
348
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,273
Yeah, fake it
till you make it. Up top.
349
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,796
Hey, boom.
350
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,841
Let's share some pudding.
351
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,886
And just like that,
you ruined it.
352
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,803
♪
353
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:43,414
What if I tell her what
to do and she says no?
354
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,808
Then you tell her to hit
the bricks, cut her loose,
355
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,375
it's your way or the highway.
356
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,725
Do you have any advice
that doesn't sound like
357
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,422
a John Cougar Mellencamp song?
358
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:54,208
You kick her out.
It's that simple.
359
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,862
[sighs]
You're right.
360
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,733
Tough love.
361
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,866
You know, I didn't want to say
anything in front of Marjorie,
362
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,824
but I do know why
this is hard for you.
363
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,913
It took me a long time
to get over my guilt
364
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,132
about how I raised you.
365
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:07,961
Really? You're over that?
366
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,833
Yep.Well, I don't know
how to break this to you,
367
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:11,834
but you shouldn't be.
368
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,488
Too bad. I am.
369
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,925
No, no, no, you've accumulated
a level of guilt
370
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,405
that should never
be gotten over.
371
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,450
Hey, I'm not saying
it happened overnight.
372
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,582
It took months.
373
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:21,844
Months?!
374
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,933
Years of neglect, and
it took you months?
375
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,848
Almost three.
376
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:29,243
You know what?
I would prefer
377
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,462
if you not compare yourself
to me anymore.
378
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,987
You're right. One of us has
dealt with her issues and grown.
379
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:34,901
Hint: it's me.
380
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:36,119
Oh, my God!
381
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:37,555
Do you hear yourself?
382
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:38,992
You should feel guilty
about Violet, too,
383
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,907
'cause you messed me up,
which messed her up,
384
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,430
so it all comes
back to you!
385
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:45,128
You're... Johnny Apple-Guilt!
386
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,739
Dealt with that one, too.
Over it.
387
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:50,873
[sighs]
388
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,222
Get out!
389
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,181
What?You heard me.
390
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:56,052
You want to see some
tough love? Walk home.
391
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:57,967
We're right in front
of our building.
392
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,535
It's the principle.
Get out!
393
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:01,884
All right.
394
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:05,018
See you in a minute.
395
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,194
♪
396
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,761
CHRISTY [muffled]: And it's been
a pattern your whole life.
397
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:12,503
You let that idiot Luke
knock you up in high school.
398
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:15,289
You gave up the baby so
you could go to college,
399
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,421
then dropped out
so you could sabotage
400
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,684
some poor busboy's
American dream.
401
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:22,818
Do you know how many wives
ten grand could've bought him
402
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,167
in Uzbekistan?
403
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,995
VIOLET: But, Mom...No!
404
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,823
That's enough!
405
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,259
[Christy sighs]
406
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,782
[slams door]
407
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:31,914
I did it.
408
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,220
Oh, I heard.
409
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,309
I was tough.You weretough.
410
00:14:35,352 --> 00:14:38,529
Ballsy.Big swingin' ballsy.
411
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,314
I laid down the law.
412
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:41,402
I told her,
413
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,317
"As soon as you're
on your feet,
414
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,275
"you're getting a job
and paying Makhmud back.
415
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,321
And if not, you're out of here."
416
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,236
Again, I heard.
417
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:53,153
And you know something?
418
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,894
[sighs] It feels good.
419
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:57,331
[Violet sobbing]
420
00:14:57,374 --> 00:15:00,203
And now it feels bad.
421
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:02,031
Ignore it.
422
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:03,293
Right.
423
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,861
[Violet continues sobbing]
424
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:06,993
Oh, God.
425
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,429
Don't fall for it.
426
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,910
Those sobs are the sound
of good parenting.
427
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,914
You're right,
I am a good parent.
428
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,393
You sure are.
429
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,308
Where you going?
430
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,441
To comfort Violet.What?
431
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:23,226
I'm a grandparent, it's
a whole different ball game.
432
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:26,403
♪
433
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:27,709
Hey.
434
00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:30,668
Hey. You're looking better.I feel better.
435
00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,583
Better enough to start
looking for a job?
436
00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,846
Balls.
[deep voice]:
You need to get a job.
437
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:40,156
Actually, I have a plan
that can fix everything.
438
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,158
Really? Do tell.
439
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:44,900
Well, you mentioned Luke,
and it got me thinking...
440
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,163
You mean burger-flipping,
can't-work-a-condom Luke?
441
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,426
Not anymore.
442
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,341
I checked his Facebook
page, and it says
443
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,169
that he's single
and has a good job.
444
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:55,345
So I texted him a video
of me doing yoga.
445
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,782
You know, like, downward
dog, but tasteful.
446
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,395
I'll give you three guesses
where this is going.
447
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,526
Don't need 'em.
448
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,354
You're back together with Luke.
449
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:05,486
Yep. I'm moving
in with him.
450
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:07,009
What do I win?
451
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:10,230
[like game show announcer]:
It's a new grandchild!
452
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:12,406
[doorbell rings]
453
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,277
Oh, that's him.
454
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,062
Don't mention the mono.
455
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,111
Hi.Hey, baby.
456
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:26,333
She's got bigger balls
than both of us.
457
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:29,162
And now she's got his.
458
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:32,078
♪
459
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,519
And Luke's making a lot
of money now. Tell 'em.
460
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,086
I make a lot of money now.
461
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:44,046
N-No, tell them how.
462
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,180
Oh. I help design video games
for this really cool company.
463
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:51,749
Um, they have weed andM&M's
in the break room.
464
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,927
And he bought
his own condo.
465
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,277
Is the condo in your name?
466
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,148
Yeah.Good, keep it that way.
467
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:02,760
It's so trippy, like, a week ago
I was thinking to myself,
468
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,197
"Luke, your life is complete,
469
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,112
you have everything
you've ever wanted."
470
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:09,550
And you wisely decided
to shake things up.
471
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:13,771
I did when I saw Violet's
hot booty twerking on my iWatch.
472
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:17,384
Oh, what mother doesn't
want to hear that?
473
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,734
Come on, let's
go get my stuff.
474
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:20,996
Okay.
475
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,652
You know, I just got to say,
476
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,828
it's great to be part
of the family again.
477
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:29,004
It's very nice to see you, Luke.
478
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,615
[quietly]:
You poor, clueless bastard.
479
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,924
Okay, it's official.
480
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,621
I don't like her.
481
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,884
Yeah. She's horrible.
482
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:42,017
I mean,
I used a lot of guys in my day,
483
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,975
but I just sort of fell into it.
484
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:46,152
Drink with them,
sleep with them,
485
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:49,285
maybe get some blow
and a free McMuffin out of it.
486
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,550
But I never went into it
with a plan.
487
00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,770
[sighs]: Well... you
always want your children
488
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,467
to do better than you did.
489
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:01,906
Oh, God, she isdoing better.
33181
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