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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:04,700 BONNIE: What the hell is your problem?! 2 00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,745 ADAM: I'll tell you what my problem is! 3 00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:09,357 My problem is you're crazy! 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,446 BONNIE: Call me crazy one more time! 5 00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,143 Don't do it.ADAM: You're crazy! 6 00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,971 [bumps, crashes]Told ya. 7 00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:18,366 BONNIE: I can't even look at your face right now! 8 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:19,845 Get out!Fine by me. 9 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:21,108 BONNIE: Oh, that is so you, 10 00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:22,283 running away from a fight! 11 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:25,286 You just told me to leave, psycho! 12 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,768 Chicken wing? 13 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:32,075 How you managed to climb out of that swamp of madness 14 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,294 I will never know, 15 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,644 but you are a straight-up American hero. 16 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:38,212 I know. 17 00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,301 I, on the other hand, am a coward, 18 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,520 so... best of luck. 19 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,176 Oh, damn. 20 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,439 I liked that one. 21 00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,006 [door opens] 22 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,225 [sighs] 23 00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:53,792 Oh... you broke the remote? 24 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:57,057 You couldn't throw the ugly candy dish Marjorie gave us? 25 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,059 Fine. 26 00:01:01,452 --> 00:01:02,453 That wasn't it. 27 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,633 That's the one. 28 00:01:08,677 --> 00:01:10,287 Do you think I'm sexy? 29 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:14,074 There's really no healthy way to answer that question. 30 00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,466 Okay, fine, I'll put it another way. 31 00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:18,252 Would you need to get high to go to bed with me? 32 00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:20,341 Way to make it creepier, Mom. 33 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,082 It's Adam's last night here, 34 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,735 I wanted to do something special. 35 00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,825 I made him dinner, I lit candles, I wore this. 36 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,523 You know how he prepared? 37 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,307 He snuck outside and smoked a joint. 38 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:32,048 So? When you were getting high, 39 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,615 you'd get loaded before you had sex. 40 00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:35,530 Exactly. So I could tolerate whatever loser 41 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:38,402 was crawling around on top of me. 42 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,100 So you think with Adam... 43 00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:41,840 I'm the loser. 44 00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:43,451 Oh, Mom, that's not true. 45 00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:45,192 Then give me another explanation. 46 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,802 [sighs] 47 00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,544 Wait, let's go back to the losers crawling on top of you. 48 00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:52,547 Why would you...It was called the '80s, Christy. Look it up. 49 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,089 Morning. Hey. 50 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,656 Want some scrambled eggs? 51 00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:15,961 Sure. 52 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:17,354 You're in a good mood. 53 00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:18,877 Did you work things out with Adam? 54 00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,140 I did not. 55 00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,967 Nor shall I. 56 00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:23,491 Cheddar? 57 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,580 Sure. 58 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:26,711 Ham? 59 00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:29,540 Yeah. You okay? 60 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,064 I am. I expressed my anger last night, 61 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,892 I have now moved on. 62 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,111 Really? 63 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,418 You sound surprised. Well, 64 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,028 traditionally when you're upset with someone 65 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,725 we get a visit from the cops. 66 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,903 Well, maybe I've grown. 67 00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,644 Maybe sobriety has made me 68 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,038 a kinder, gentler woman. 69 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,866 Here you go. 70 00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:51,997 Thank you. 71 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,348 [phone chimes] 72 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:55,784 Damn it, Wendy, for the 40th time, 73 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,960 I don't want to join your professional network 74 00:02:58,003 --> 00:02:59,570 on LinkedIn! 75 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,879 Let me get you some O.J. 76 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,534 I think we're out. 77 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,971 Son of a bitch! 78 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,452 ♪ 79 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,671 Hi, I'm Jill. I'm an alcoholic. 80 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:14,933 OTHERS: Hi, Jill. 81 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:18,589 So, I've been having a rough couple of days. 82 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:22,245 My ex-husband and his fiancée just had their baby. 83 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,900 They sent out announcements. 84 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,685 Not to me of course. 85 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:29,948 I just happened to stumble over it on Facebook 86 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,342 using my housekeeper's account. 87 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,346 Her name's Penelope. 88 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,305 The baby, not my housekeeper. 89 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,830 She's really cute. 90 00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:44,920 Which just twists the knife. 91 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,922 So, I guess it's official. 92 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:49,751 He's not coming back. 93 00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:51,361 He's not, right? 94 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:57,367 Yeah, I know. 95 00:03:57,411 --> 00:04:00,414 Anyway, I'm grateful to be sober. 96 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:03,982 And sorry Soledad wrote that really mean comment 97 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,942 about the baby's melon head. Thank you. 98 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:12,948 Okay, who else would like to share? 99 00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:13,949 Mom? 100 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,820 Yes, Christy? 101 00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,300 I thought maybe you'd like to share 102 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:18,606 what's going on with you. 103 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:20,434 No, I would not. 104 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:21,913 If you don't, I'll tell Marjorie 105 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,785 about the candy dish.What? 106 00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:26,048 Bonnie, alcoholic. 107 00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:27,354 OTHERS: Hi, Bonnie. 108 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:28,442 [sighs] 109 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,618 Let's see, where should I start? 110 00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:33,316 Ah, here's a good place. 111 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,188 Men suck. 112 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,539 Not just some men, all men. 113 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:39,975 Across the board. 114 00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,890 If there were a man here, 115 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,848 I'd punch him smack-dab in the penis. 116 00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,809 Seriously, why do we need them? 117 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,637 To kill a spider? Get a can of Raid. 118 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,029 Want a baby? Turkey baster. 119 00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:53,336 So, that's it. Bug spray and turkey basters. 120 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,991 Probably in the same aisle at the supermarket. 121 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,865 You're feelin' me, right, dawgs? 122 00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:06,044 Born gay? More like born smart. [clicks tongue] 123 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,614 Anyway, thanks for letting me share. 124 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,966 Okay, who'd like to go next? 125 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,751 Hi, I'm Susie. I'm an alcoholic. 126 00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:17,926 ALL: Hi, Susie. 127 00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:20,276 And for the record, I'm not gay. 128 00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:26,021 Neither am I. 129 00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,241 Have you thought about it? 130 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,030 ♪ 131 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:39,208 I think you might be taking this too personally, Bonnie. 132 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,123 When I used to get high at concerts, 133 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,994 it didn't mean I didn't like the band. 134 00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:46,041 But the drugs did get you through the drum solo. 135 00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,044 Yeah, well, no one should need artificial stimulants 136 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:52,961 to get through the Bonnie Plunkett Trio. 137 00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:55,746 Don't forget your mouth. It's a quartet. 138 00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,360 Sure. Quartet. 139 00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,797 Of course if you reallylike the guy, it's a quin... 140 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,190 That's enough, Wendy. 141 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,279 I got to tell you, Victor likes to have 142 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,064 a little cognac before we do it. 143 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:11,632 Well, that I understand. 144 00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,198 [laughs] 145 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,769 What? She said it. 146 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:22,730 Mom, Adam's not an alcoholic or a drug addict, 147 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,384 he's just a normal guy. 148 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:27,082 And smoking a little pot before sex is what normal people do. 149 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:30,302 No. He gets high before sex because I'm not enough. 150 00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,652 Could be you're too much. 151 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,131 I had that problem with my ex. 152 00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,046 That's why he left me for a homely woman 153 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,135 with a lopsided bosom. 154 00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:39,224 You don't think you getting loaded 155 00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:42,358 and trying to run his mother over played a role? 156 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,405 Well, there's no way to know now. 157 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,756 You know, Bonnie, it's also possible 158 00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:52,194 that Adam's pot smoking has nothing to do with you. 159 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,369 Oh, Marjorie, only you 160 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,719 would think that would make me feel better. 161 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,329 ♪ 162 00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:59,288 [knocking on door] 163 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,467 Oh, hey, Adam. My mom's not here. 164 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,903 You just missed her. 165 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,470 I know. I was sitting in the parking lot 166 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,298 waiting for her to leave. 167 00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,778 Yeah. I do that sometimes. 168 00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,388 Come on in. 169 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,564 Thanks. I just want to grab some clothes and shoes 170 00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,000 that I left here. 171 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:17,393 Sure, yeah, okay. 172 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,003 Hey, I'm curious. 173 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:22,354 How do you know when it's time to buy a new pair of shoes? 174 00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:26,184 To be honest, shoes for me are whimsical. 175 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,058 So, I heard what happened. 176 00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,363 Of course you did. 177 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,454 I assume it was headline news at Club Estrogen. 178 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:37,500 You have to understand, the rest of us don't have lives, 179 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,502 so yeah, it was a hot topic. 180 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,199 Wonderful. 181 00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:44,072 For the record, almost everyone was Team Adam. 182 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,683 So, you agree, it's not me? 183 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:48,337 Oh, it's totally not you. 184 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,209 You're blameless, you've done nothing wrong. 185 00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,821 So, how are you gonna apologize? 186 00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,387 For what? 187 00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,433 I was just getting a little buzz on. 188 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,523 Well, yeah, but in her tortured, forever damaged mind, 189 00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,960 that was you saying she's not attractive. 190 00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:05,485 But that's nuts.No one's arguing that. 191 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,225 [sighs] Look, I'm not real comfortable 192 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:09,227 talking to you about this, but... 193 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,534 since it's on the table, I have no problem 194 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,623 having sex with your mother without getting high. 195 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,408 Great. Then tell her that and this all goes away. 196 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,236 Yeah, but then she starts thinking 197 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,021 that she's calling the shots. 198 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:21,588 Don't worry about what she thinks. 199 00:08:21,631 --> 00:08:24,765 That's a dark hole best not looked into. 200 00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,376 I'm sorry, I'm out. 201 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,639 I'm tired of dating crazy women. 202 00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:32,250 From now on, I'm sticking with nice and normal. 203 00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:33,817 All right. Just remember, 204 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,340 nice and normal in the head, 205 00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:36,820 nice and normal in the bed. 206 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,474 [groans] 207 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,303 Whereas crazy in the head... 208 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:43,305 ADAM: I got it! I got it. 209 00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,567 ♪ 210 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:47,352 I'm so glad you called to apologize. 211 00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:48,571 [sighs] Hey. 212 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,573 I looked at myself in the mirror and said, 213 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:54,185 "Buddy, you screwed up. Make it right." 214 00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,361 I missed you. 215 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,581 And I missed you, too.[chuckles] 216 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,541 Can I start you off with some drinks? 217 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,281 Bring me your finest sparkling water, 218 00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:04,979 and jazz it up with a little lime. 219 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,807 Make that two. 220 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,244 How come you're not drinking? 221 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,462 Not in the mood. 222 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:11,681 Okay, I know what you're doing 223 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,117 and you don't have to. 224 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,510 I know I don't have to. 225 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,599 I just want show my smoking hot girlfriend 226 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,515 that I don't need mind-altering chemicals 227 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,474 to bang her sweet ass into next Wednesday. 228 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,043 Oh, swoon. 229 00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,654 Damn right, swoon. 230 00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:35,618 I don't know what to say. 231 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,751 It usually works. 232 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,798 Well, it's certainly not working now. 233 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,626 All right, that tone is not helping. 234 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,020 Yeah, well, I tried being nice to it. 235 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,591 I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you. 236 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,680 Really? 'Cause I'm the only other person here. 237 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,856 No, it's just this whole thing about me proving 238 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:58,641 that I could do it sober has just got me thinking. 239 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,601 And thinking is clearly the enemy of erections. 240 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:03,603 Just stop talking. 241 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,430 No, you're right, you're right. 242 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:08,825 Let's just go to sleep. 243 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:12,046 I've always been more of a morning guy anyway. 244 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,747 [birds chirping] 245 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:24,101 It's still not you. 246 00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:29,933 Damn, damn, damn. 247 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:33,067 Well, it's certainly not working now. 248 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,764 Morning! 249 00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:36,810 How'd the apology go? Wink, wink. 250 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,899 Yeah, see you later. 251 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,640 You sure? I'm making pancakes. 252 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:41,989 You probably worked up an appetite. 253 00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,338 Wink, wink. 254 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,340 I'm good.How about some coffee? 255 00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,690 Sweet Lord, let me go. 256 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,432 Okay, bye. 257 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,173 [door closes]Is he gone? 258 00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:53,914 Yeah. What happened? 259 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,263 Nothing. 260 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,744 Literally nothing. 261 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:01,312 I have officially become undesirable to men. 262 00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:02,879 I wonder how this works. 263 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,359 Do I go to an animal shelter 264 00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:07,841 or do the cats just magically appear? 265 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:13,107 That's more a Marjorie question. 266 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,804 So without pot he couldn't... 267 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,414 Couldn't in the evenin', couldn't in the mornin'... 268 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:19,156 ♪ Couldn't at suppertime. 269 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,114 Did you try... 270 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,985 I tried everything! 271 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,900 Baby talk, English accent, 272 00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,685 stuff I learned in jail. 273 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,339 What's the English accent? 274 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,907 It's a Mary Poppins thing... never mind. 275 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:33,475 Maybe Marjorie was right. 276 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:37,087 Maybe it's not you, maybe it's him. 277 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:39,002 Well, that's an interesting theory, 278 00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,743 but there's no way to test it. 279 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,179 Really? 280 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:45,400 You of all people can't think of a way to test it? 281 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,712 Hey. Thanks for meeting me. 282 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,061 No problem. What's up? 283 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,977 Interesting way of putting it. 284 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,893 I've been thinking a lot about when we were together. 285 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:02,156 Yeah? You ever think about it? 286 00:12:02,199 --> 00:12:06,029 Only every time I shower. 287 00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,162 Remember when you and I were in this very car 288 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:10,294 outside small claims court? 289 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,427 Yeah. That was amazing. 290 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,863 For me, too. 291 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:16,083 Broad daylight, cops everywhere. 292 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:19,042 I thought for sure we were gonna get caught. 293 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,783 I sat on top of you. 294 00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:22,132 Yeah. 295 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,178 I wasn't wearing any underwear. 296 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:27,224 [squeals] 297 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,097 I unbuckled your belt, 298 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:34,231 and slowly unzipped your zipper. 299 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,581 Where we going with this? 300 00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,540 I'm getting a little turned on. 301 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,281 Only a little? 302 00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,326 Well, uh, to be truthful, 303 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,067 I'm almost done. 304 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,243 [sighs] 305 00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:47,505 Then I'll leave you to it. 306 00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:51,945 What?!Thanks, pal, you're a good egg. 307 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,297 I hate her. 308 00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:59,343 ♪ 309 00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,867 What's with Steve? 310 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:03,565 He's outside crying in his car. 311 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:07,438 Steve had to be sacrificed for science. 312 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:10,790 The good news is, I still got it going on. 313 00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:13,662 Oh, Mom, you didn't. Relax. 314 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,969 I pumped up the tires, I didn't ride the bike. 315 00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,362 Oh, Bonnie. 316 00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:19,668 Hey, if it bothers you that much, 317 00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,322 you go out there and take care of him. 318 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,369 Wait, how does that help you with Adam? 319 00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,893 Well, now that I know that I'm not the problem, 320 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:30,505 he can smoke crack with the Pope for all I care. 321 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:33,595 I wish I had an impotent boyfriend to go home to. 322 00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:42,691 Surprise! 323 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,780 What's all this? 324 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,348 California wine, California pot, 325 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,437 California, here we come. 326 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,876 Bonnie, you need to give it a rest. 327 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,401 Yeah, we'll rest when neither of us can walk. 328 00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,795 Sorry, not interested. 329 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,014 What do you mean you're not interested? 330 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,406 [in English accent]: C'mon, Gov'nor, 331 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,887 have a little nip and climb on board. 332 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,457 Again, high or straight, Mary Poppins never works. 333 00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:14,462 Okay, maybe you don't understand, we're good now. 334 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:18,640 Hey, you don't get to decide when we're good. 335 00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:21,556 Sure I do, I'm the girl. 336 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,385 Bonnie, I love you... 337 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,824 ...but I'm thinking that you and me, 338 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,565 we need to take a break. 339 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,745 What? 340 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,488 I'm sorry, honey. 341 00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:43,578 This relationship, it's just not working for me. 342 00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,101 I don't understand. 343 00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,102 Why? 344 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,931 Well... isn't it obvious? 345 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,585 You decide when we have a problem, 346 00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:51,934 you decide when we're okay. 347 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,023 Uh, where do I figure in this thing? 348 00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,199 What are you talking about? You're the guy. 349 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,157 Am I? 350 00:14:59,072 --> 00:15:00,856 'Cause I sure don't feel like it. 351 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:05,208 And I'm sure not functioning like one either. 352 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,560 Okay. 353 00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:11,562 Guess I should go. 354 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,305 I guess so. 355 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,569 I just... 356 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:21,398 I want you to know you're the best thing 357 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,357 that's come into my life in a long time, 358 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,750 and I'm really sorry I messed it up, 359 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:28,449 but that seems to be what I do. 360 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,498 Bye. 361 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,110 Wait, hang on. 362 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,940 No, it's okay, I'll be okay. 363 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:44,291 No, I think I'm okay. 364 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,641 What? 365 00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:49,905 Yeah, it's the da... damndest thing, but... 366 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,255 when you cry like that, it kind of, uh... 367 00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,214 flipped the old switch. 368 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,175 Really? 369 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:01,351 Me falling apart turns you on? 370 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:05,181 No, I just think you being vulnerable... 371 00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:06,487 Look, you want to analyze this, 372 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,445 or you want to put it to good use? 373 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,186 Let's go. 374 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,753 Wouldn't hurt if you kept crying. 375 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,363 [crying loudly]: Okay! 376 00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:22,677 The first time I had sex sober I was so nervous, 377 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,854 I had to call my sponsor before and after. 378 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,813 I called mine during. 379 00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,947 I remember. 380 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,646 For me, it was the first time I really paid attention 381 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:38,388 to what men look like down there. 382 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,956 I couldn't help wondering, "What was God thinking?" 383 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:46,222 Maybe he was high and figured he'd fix it in the morning. 384 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:47,484 Well, he didn't. 385 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,790 He just slapped those hairy ba-dinkers 386 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,966 under it and called it a day. 387 00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:55,753 I was so self-conscious about the sounds I was making. 388 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,755 Was I moaning too much, too little, 389 00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,583 should I be calling out the guy's name? 390 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:00,976 Oh, that's the other thing. 391 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,761 When you're sober, you actually know his name. 392 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:07,069 And not all names are good. 393 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:10,072 I mean, nobody wants to scream out, "Do me harder, Gene." 394 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,075 [door opens] 395 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,251 Hey. 396 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,383 OTHERS: Hey. 397 00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:17,775 How're you guys all doing? 398 00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:23,390 [all crying] 399 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,052 Son of a bitch! 400 00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:41,495 I can't get mad at you, I would've done the same thing. 401 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,062 Adam, wait! 402 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,281 Wait! 27637

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