All language subtitles for EPORNER.COM - [D029sQHMF9L] When Porn Was Amazing 28 (360)

Cashbox, I don't understand why we can
never go to your house to make love.

I know that you love me, but you respond
so strangely whenever I mention going

to your place.

Oh, it's merely for a change of scenery,
Sledpitch.

Oh, you mean you get tired of your king
-size bed, and there are oriental rugs

on the floor, and the original
Rembrandt.

Or... Is it that you're just trying to
avoid that old battle accident theater

critic, Billy Haggard?

What do you know about Billy and I? I
thought we were keeping a low profile.

Everybody knows about you and Billy.

Since your case is scheduled to come up
before Judge Hangman on the 15th, and

since your tax delinquency and
shenanigans are in such flagrant

number of tax laws, I would advise you
to pack your bags in preparation for a

long trip.

Oh, Miss Flater.

Does she have as nice a body as I?

No. Of course not, my dear.

In case she touches.

The way I do?

No, no, no. Of course not. But she'd cut
it off if she even thought I was

with another woman.

Did she kiss you with love and passion?

No.

No.

Oh, love, it makes me feel so wonderful
to feel you inside of me.

That's it. Let me get a little closer to
your breasts. They're so firm.

Like a little girl.

Just for you.

For you.

See how high the nipples get?

Sweet little rosebuds.

I love it when you touch them that way.

It gives me great pleasure, too.

Your muscles tightening around me.

Tight, wet, hot.

Oh, God.

I feel you coming, Annie.

Uh -huh.

You drive me to passions beyond my
wildest dreams.

I can feel you coming. Yes, I feel it.

And it makes me want to come too.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

I'm terribly attracted to older men.

The only possibility of escaping your
just fate would be for me to arrange a

meeting with Mr. Quinn.

He is presently employed by the tax
collector by day, but he works by night

independently as a loophole salesman.

He is so thoroughly familiar with the
complexities of the tax laws that I am

sure that he will be able to sell you a
tax loophole, which will resolve your

problem. I have therefore arranged a
meeting.

With him for tomorrow night at 8 p .m.
at Hindegrin's restaurant.

Yours very truly, etc., etc., etc.

P .S.

Please bring cash.

Did you get all that, Miss Fleta?

Oh, Miss Fleta. Miss Fleta, I can't
stand it any longer.

I just want to feel those firm breasts
against my chest.

Oh, I desire you. I want you.

To feel those smooth, creamy thighs
wrapped around me.

Your passion, your heat.

I've got to have you right now, here and
now. Kiss me later.

You're such a turn -on.

You never argue, you don't fight.

Take this cock and put it right into
your mouth.

Oh, come on, you feel it's soft now.

Take it in deep.

That's it. Now, let me see you give it
some head. Good, long stroke like that.

Oh, you never argued. Just what I tell
you. I love that fact about you. Oh,

on it good.

Take it back and in.

Oh, you feel it getting harder?

Feel it getting harder? That's good. Oh,
suck it.

Oh, it's so nice and moist.

Oh, not a word out of your mouth, which
I love.

Diligent worker. You never fight. You
never argue. You never quibble.

Oh, I like it. My cock is getting nice
and stiff now in your

warm mouth.

I want to fuck you now.

Look at my penis inside you. Is that
okay?

Good. Oh, don't lose that.

Come over here with me.

Right here.

And don't say a word.

Lie back.

I'm going to announce you right here and
right now.

Stay like that. Don't move. You're
losing your hair, sweetheart.

I like you better as a blonde.

How's that? Good?

Good.

Oh, I love it. My penis is inside your
warm, moist pussy.

It's getting harder and harder and
harder.

Do you like the missionary position?

I love it myself.

I would sign a deposition any day,
anywhere, that you are the perfect

loyal secretary.

I won't come inside your pussy. Oh, no.
No paternity suits for me. You're not

going to submit for child support.

I'm going to put it right in your
bunghole. Don't move.

Right in your ass.

Come on, come on, come on.

Well,

I let you bet it was a good ass.

Oh,

I love your ass.

Oh, pro bono ipso facto.

Don't say anything. You're having a good
time? Good.

Oh, you feel my cock, how hard it is?

I'm going to come all over your back.
You don't mind, do you?

Good girl.

You ready?

I'm going to take a few nips of you. Do
you mind? I'm going to take a little

bite that you like so much. Helps you
cum when I cum.

You ready?

just to get a part in your great epic
Peace and War?

My God, I don't believe it. The angel
bait we've been looking for.

My dear child, welcome to New York and
the theater.

My name is Stan Slavsky, and this is my
assistant, Bessie. Hi.

You just kissed your own head.

I know.

Now, the first thing you must do is get
yourself a good theatrical lawyer.

I just happen to have the card of the
most eminent theatrical lawyer in the

world, Cyrus P. Philpas.

See him as soon as you can.

Stan, why don't we have Bessie read for
the part of Anastasia, the Tsar's

favorite daughter, and if you like, I'll
read the part of the Tsarina.

That's a marvelous idea.

You see, Susie, my play takes place in
Russia in the last dark days of the

War. Russia has been bled white.

You must read this part with great
pathos and deep feeling.

Start on page 506.

Mama Zarina, now that the hunt has
forced us into the miserable peace

Bresta... Bresta... Bresta Talk!

Oh, never mind, my dear. No matter. Go
on.

Tell me which panties I should wear to
the ball, the pink or the blue?

She turns aside and faces Zarina over.

She just read stage direction.

But look at those tits.

The menjiviks have sold us down the
river.

I think the blue are best, you miserable
wretch.

Rasputin likes blue, and I know that he
got into your panties last night after

he left my bed.

Um...

But Mama Zarina, he told me that I could
not be saved unless I had first sinned.

I sinned four times with him. Twice down
there, once between my tiny feet.

Breath. So dim with breath.

And once in the ass. What a liver.

Lover, you bumpkin lover.

But Mr. Slosky, it says liver.

L -I -V -E -R.

Never mind, dear.

Go on.

Anastasia, I fell for that same stupid
line.

But you, you were supposed to be
smarter.

Didn't we have you instructed on how to
read and write?

Yes, but the mystic monk Rasputin has
instructed me in other subjects, too.

no, no.

How can you take such perfect prose and
turn my exquisite words into such

banalities? You must understand the
deeper significance.

And you move like a plow horse.

Here, let me show you as you read the
words.

You move this way as you read the words.

This way. Mr.

Stan, do you have to hold me there? It
looks like my breasts are very

Nonsense. Nonsense. Just say the words
and I'll show you how to move.

Mr. Stan, you're squeezing my tit.

My dear, you do have to make some
sacrifices for your art.

You're squeezing it too hard. You're
going to make it black and blue.

Oh, did I really hurt it? Let me look
and see.

Mr. Stan, I'm not that kind of girl.

Susie, Susie.

Let me kiss you to make it better. Oh,
no, you don't. I promise my daddy back

Charlottesville that I stay pure and
clean.

You do want the pot, don't you?

I want the pot.

I'm very, very talented.

And the language teacher even told me
so.

Okay.

Okay.

Just let me kiss your tits. No!

My daddy back in Charlottesville told me
the most primate way of mom that I

know... All right. All right. Got the
pot.

Got the pot.

And there are all kinds of degenerates
in the big city that I should look out

for and that I shouldn't just let
anybody at all spread my legs. Did that

mean girl hurt my poor Stan?

What a nasty girl.

Here, let Bessie help Stan.

Come on.

Yes.

Suck on Bess' soft breath.

That's right.

Yes, yes.

Yes, suck on Bessie's hard nipple.

That'll make you feel better, Stan.

Yes.

That's good.

Come on.

Whoa, where does it hurt? Come on, baby,
I'll fix it.

Don't go on me now. Come on, come on.

Oh, here we are, right there.

Don't move.

Don't move now.

Don't move.

No, there, that's not it.

Oh,

right here, right here. Don't move,
don't move.

Hello, lawyer Peacock. My name is Susie,
and I'm from Trotsville.

So what?

Well, I've come to New York to be a
famous actress, and I need a slick New

lawyer to draw up a contract for my
first starring role with Mr. Stan Fox.

that dimwit?

Yes, he's going to make me a big star in
his epic play, Peace and Glory.

That son of a bitch brother of mine lost
his marbles for real this time.

Did you... No, nothing, nothing.

God, that tape's not working.

Well, see, he said that I need a
theatrical contract in order to be a big

and sue everybody in sight.

I'll have $100.

Oh, well, in that case, why, what a nice
pair.

Nasty girl's all gone now.

Ooh.

Look what the nasty girl did to Sam's
poo -poo.

Made it all hard and hot.

Oh, poor Sam.

Bessie will make you feel better, okay?

I'll put my tongue and my mouth around
it.

And I'll sock it.

Oh, that's Dan.

What a fucking director.

Just go into that drawer over there.
It's full of the latest model theatrical

contracts. Okay.

No, no, no, no, no, dumbbell.

Can you see that all the contracts in
this drawer are broken?

Go to the next one.

No, no, no, no, go lower, lower.

No, skip it, skip it, go lower, lower.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

He's the contractor? Yeah, yeah, let me
see.

I'm having eye trouble, so I have to
read over your shoulders.

Comes from reading newspapers on the
subway.

It's an incurable illness, they tell me.

There, that's better. I can even see the
fine print from this position.

Lawyer Philpott, do you know that you're
squeezing my tits?

Well, yes, yes, undeniably.

In fact, I feel that we should discuss
the rest of your legal problems over

dinner tonight.

I'm dining with some of my colleagues,
and I think it would be a good idea...

Lawyer Philpott, I'm not that kind of
girl.

Stupid business, of course.

Oh, we can always have a nightcap later
on in my apartment.

Oh yes.

Oh yes.

Trashbox. You animal.

Fuck me, you animal.

Don't start... Don't start fucking me.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. No. No.

No. No. No.

Oh,

please.

Oh, you're the best.

Oh, darling.

Oh, baby.

Oh, it's good, isn't it? Yes.

I just wish you gave it to me more
often.

Oh.

Oh, you look great.

Oh.

Don't stop, darling.

Don't stop fucking me.

Oh, darling.

Oh, baby.

Oh, it's good, isn't it? Yes.

Oh, my hero.

Oh, I feel it happening.

Oh, Billy.

Oh, it's good. Oh, is it good for you?

It's good for me, Captain.

Oh, I'm going to come, Billy.

Come, Cashbox, make me come.

Darling. Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, my hero.

You

don't

love me anymore.

Oh, Billy, I... I do, I do. You know
that.

You used to fuck me with enthusiasm.

What made you lose interest?

Don't lie to me. It's another woman,
isn't it?

My love, how can you accuse me of such a
thing?

Easily. You're a man, aren't you?

Oh, come on. You got that line right out
of the play we saw last night.

It's because you review all these
Broadway plays for the Daily Rag.

Doesn't mean you're supposed to believe
the dialogue, too, you know.

Cashbox, you can fool some of the people
all of the time, but don't try and pull

the wool over my eyes.

I don't have to be America's foremost
critic to know what every woman knows,

that you don't love me anymore.

You used to fuck me with more interest.

Oh, I love you, I love you!

It's just I have this little problem on
my mind. I may have to go away for a

while. Three to five years.

A little disagreement with the tax
people.

Only three to five?

The way you've been fucking around with
the government, I'm surprised they don't

put you away for life.

Hey, well, you know, it's tough when
you're in the 99 % tax bracket.

You'll do anything rather than have to
sell shoelaces in front of

Bloomingdale's.

But there's hope.

There's still hope.

A fast plane to Argentina?

Oh, Billy, I could never leave you. You
know that.

No, Phil Potts, my attorney, has
arranged a meeting with a Mr. Quim.

He's a tax expert.

So acquainted with the tax laws, he's
got more loopholes than a cable -knit

sweater. As a matter of fact, I'd better
get going.

Quim doesn't like to be kept waiting.

Charge is by the hour.

I wonder where he is.

Hey, don't worry about it. He said he'd
be here at 9 o 'clock. He'll be here at

9 o 'clock. I bet you can set your watch
by this guy. Excuse me, sir.

Your table is now ready. I'm sorry for
the delay, but this is one of the

nights of the year for us. Please follow
me.

Ah, my savior at last.

Sit, sit.

Mr.

Cashbox, it is my pleasure to introduce
to you Rufus P. Quinn.

Hacks, loophole expert, par excellence
deluxe.

Genius of the floating decimal.

Master of the multiple leisure.

Hero of the hidden account.

I want you to know that after long and
tedious, painstaking hours of deep,

diligent research... into your very own
personal financial problem.

Taximus Maximus.

That's what we call it.

Mr. Quill has shown his exceptional
skill and has dug deep, deep into the

heap that make up this national tax.

And he has discovered a loophole
solution, which is so brilliant, so

Quite frankly, I think he's surprised
even himself, haven't you? Wait a

Taximus Maximus, what's that?

What's he talking about?

That's a technical term, Mr. Cashbox.

What it means is the tax collector is
after your ass.

Tell me something I don't know.

Oh, sorry, this is Miss Slimkitz. I'm
helping her get started in the theater

business. Good oral style.

Shows great promise, great delivery,
moves well.

And, uh... Oh, uh, this is Susie.

Gee, I just love older men.

Great pubic hair makes my mouth water.

Now, Mr. Quinn, we'll explain the ipso
facto of the modus operandi pertaining

the proposed solution of your
problemicus toxicologis, which you have,

Cashbox. Go ahead, Quinn.

Oh, now we're getting somewhere.

First, I need not tell you, Mr. Cashbox,
that loopholes of this type that you

require do not grow on trees.

However, I think I did find one.

And since Phil Potts here tells me that
money is no object, I was saving it for

a rainy day, but it does look a little
cloudy.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Why don't we just trade them, brother?

This loophole is a theatrical tax
shelter, which is calculated to

bring in the lowest diminishing returns
possible in the shortest fiscal period.

Yes.

The bottom line is that you will
practically go broke overnight.

That's good.

And thereby, stay out of jail.

That's good. That's good.

Quite so. Now, let me elaborate on this
historic adventure.

You've heard of Stan Slavsky, the
theatrical director?

Well, he operates this off -Broadway
playhouse called the Theater Hysteria.

off, off, way off -Broadway.

It's like it's the perfect location for
what we need.

Cozy, intimate.

damp, and special atmosphere that we're
looking for.

Early dungeon.

Yeah, yeah.

Flavsky is also the writer of the play
you want to produce.

Titled either Comes the Revolution or
Peace and War.

Stirring drama about the Russian
Revolution.

Sure to be the biggest theatrical
disaster in a decade.

Which will bring you the largest tax
write -off in the annals of Taxicus

Historia. Chapter 11.

Get the picture?

Okay. Alright, let me get this straight
now.

I produce this ridiculous play in a
dilapidated theater with bombs and I

out of jail, right?

A most accurate summation of the plan,
Mr. Cashbox.

My learned colleague and myself will
further ensure the demise of this

blight that will enhance you from your
financial entanglement.

It is a true coup du jour.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What makes
you guys so sure this is going to work?

To see Lamar.

Oh. That's stupid of me.

Of course.

What's a Tootsie no more?

The worst actress in the business.

In fact, she's the worst actress in the
world.

The worst actress to walk the boards in
this country.

The worst actress since Mata Hari.

Mata Hari was shot.

Well, Tootsie's half -shot. She's loud,
she's vulgar, she's clumsy, and she's

been banished from every stage in this
country ever since her children's

of Pinocchio.

in which she sat nude on the puppet's
face.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. Say no
more.

Say no more. I got the picture.

It sounds horrendous.

I love her already.

Just tell me one thing. Where'd you find
such a totally inept, repulsive

performer?

It wasn't hard. She's my sister.

Okay, guys, deal me in. Phil Potts, make
the arrangements.

Let's get started.

Oh, my goodness. Wait a minute. Poor
kid.

I, uh... I, uh... Oh, uh... Mr.

Philpott's not that kind of girl.

So, meet me at my office tomorrow. We
can divert the funders to my atarium and

sign the required documentary legality.
Yeah, yeah. Bring the bread and sign the

papers. Don't worry.

Good evening, gentlemen.

My father was an older man.

At least I think he was.

I wonder if he was in trust.

Maybe I'm attracted to his wrinkles.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do

-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do

-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do

-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do

-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do

-do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do -do
-do -do -

What's so weird about my brother, Quim?
Him and I are like two peas in a pot.

And, honey, there ain't nothing strange
about me.

You must be Quim's sister. Yeah. The
famous actress.

Yeah, you're goddamn right I am. That's
me, honey. I'm the best fucking actress

around. Trouble is, these cocksucking
New York producers, they wouldn't know

difference between a hot piece of ass
and a pile of shit.

Tootsie, Tootsie, you got to keep it
down in the stand. I have a respectable

office here. Oh, great, boy.

I tell you, they cost me a fucking
fortune with their torts, their torts.

just talk a little bit more softly.

You're not on stage now. We do have
something vitally important to discuss.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, I
know. You've got the best fucking script

in the world. And you're going to fall
right on the balls of their ass unless

you've got me to bail you and your piece
of shit play out. I bet the difference

does happen to be a very good play about
bizarre.

Oh, great.

Do I get to fuck him? Who?

Fuck!

You better close the window.

You can hear it's brought down in the
ceiling.

You know, you've got the sexiest
elevator in the world.

Elevators really turn me on. You know,
it's all that up and down action.

And it gets me so hot and work that I
have a rotten day unless I get sweetened

up. Oh, right now I could just use a
high and stiff cock.

No, no. How is it?

Not in front of the window. Not in front
of the window.

Jesus Christ.

Phil Potts, do we really need this? I
mean, this world's going to get us

on an indecency charge.

You better go along with it, or we'll
get very upset if we don't use it.

Hey, are you boys going to talk all day?

Oh, well, we're going to fuck.

Oh, Miss, uh, Miss Tootsie, Tootsie, uh,
we invited you here to offer you a

starring role in a production that I'm
financing, and I want you to, there's a

terrific role in it for you.

Role? Did you say role?

Did you boys want...

and if you want to throw me a couple of
bucks after we fuck, that's all right

with me, but listen, I'll do it for
free.

No, no, no, no. It won't be necessary,
Miss Lamont. It won't be necessary. You

can highly recommend it. We don't have
to see you in the... Hey!

What kind of audition is this anyway?

Are you boys on the level?

I've never been to an audition where I
didn't get to fuck the producer.

I mean, it's part of showbiz.

Do we really... Do I really... Do I
really have to go through with this...

this lady?

Well... As your legal counselor, I
strongly suggest you do.

I'll fumigate the place with Lysol when
she leaves.

The couch can be reupholstered.

Okay.

Enjoy yourself. Well, well, well.

What do we have here?

That's a first -class bounce if I've
ever seen one.

And believe me, honey, I've seen a lot
of them.

I'll just blow this up here and we'll
see what we've got to work with.

Thank you, my doll.

Uh, Mr. G, you... You really don't have
to do this, you know. You have the part.

You don't have to. Hey!

If I don't get a piece of an ass out of
this audition, I don't want your

stinking job, you hear? You can take
your plane and shove it.

But, honey, when I'm hot, I'm hot!

You'd better have coitus disgustus,
brother.

We're depending on her for the success
of the production.

No, Miss Tootsie, please.

I mean, the dramatics. I mean, it's
really unnecessary.

No, Miss Tootsie, please.

Yes.

And how will you, my baby?

You're sick, aren't you?

Let me fix it here.

Look at you. Just look at you.

Come on, honey. Come on, fuck me.

Come on, fuck me now.

Anything you say, Miss Goochie. Anything
you say. All right.

This will be the best audition of my
life. I can feel it.

Oh, yeah.

Wait. Let me get it.

Look. Look.

Come

on.

You don't feel good, do you?

No mouth to mouth.

Look.

Come on.

She's dead.

I think I've killed her.

Come on, fuck me.

I know.

Black one.

Look. Look.

Look.

She's dead.

I killed her.

You already have to understand. She
stopped fucking. It was justifiable

homicide. I didn't mean to do it.

I don't care, Miss Butchie. All right.

It's all right.

That's the best fucking audition I've
ever done. I'll take the part.

Boy, you two really know how to put
yourself away.

Pimps.

Pornographers.

Prostitutes.

I have been entrusted by the government.

of this country with the power to put
vile criminals such as these behind

iron bars.

They should be locked up forever.

Throw away the key.

Pimps, prostitutes, pornographers, they

defile the land, threaten the very
sanctity of the American family unit

their perversion.

and filth excellent.

The law is very clear about pimps
preying on the

virginal beauty of our women.

They suck dry the essence of all that is
pure and innocent,

peddling it on the streets.

Twenty years hard labor.

Law's position on whores is clear.

Prostitutes are wanton women leading
astray the husbands

and fathers of our great land.

Just having them in my court cell is a
very honor of this establishment.

Ten years, each count.

Hard labor.

Very good.

A little bit to the right.

Pornographers are the worst.

They're filthy books and magazines.

Films flaunting those young bodies.

I'd lock them up for life if I could.
And it is my solemn sworn duty to give

these offenders the true measure of the
law.

Time and time again,

In a never -ending battle against the
hordes of perverts that fill the

damp recesses of our great metropolis.

These people suck the life from our very
social structure.

That's nice.

It's a great responsibility being a
judge.

You have to spread the truth wide, wield
the sword of justice with a swift

stroke.

It gets to be a harder task every day.

Harder and harder.

And after years on the bench, punishing,
lecturing,

berating the scum of the earth, it all

Comes to this.

Come. Come.

Come.

You

old

men always have so much.

Legislating the social behavior in this
society.

It's a sticky situation.

I rest my case.

Did I ever tell you I was fatally
attracted to older men?

Casting has become an instinct with me,
Betsy. I can cast in my sleep.

For example, name any character in this
war.

Rasputin the Mad Monk.

Excellent choice.

Rasputin. Let me think.

There.

There is our Rasputin.

Where?

My good man.

My good man.

You're about to begin a glorious journey
into a new and marvelous world.

Rasputin. Well, he will need a monk's
robe and...

You have to get them to switch the lids
up.

The vodka, it will work.

I can direct anyone.

Trust me, have I ever been wrong?

Always.

Quiet, everyone.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Good.

Now let's begin.

We'll take it from the Tsar's speech.

Places, everyone.

the Ukrainian sun and reason on dark
days. The peasants are rumbling.

It's all I've borished.

I rumble too.

But here are some of your loyal cousin
subjects to report on how your people

really feel. Come, come to me. Fear me
not. I am your czar. This, your czarina.

And this is our favorite daughter, the
czarashna. I consider all of my loyal

subjects as my children.

My, uh... Czardins!

You be quiet.

Mother Russia is always here to impress
her children.

It's even worse than I thought.

It's unfucking believable.

Child, you seem abreast of the times.

Do you find the peasants revolting?

No, sire.

Will you help me defend Mother Russia?

It would be an honor to serve underneath
you, sire.

Papa Tsar, the Mensheviks are at the
back door and the Bolsheviks are at the

front door and the Litvaks are waiting
their turn.

Ha! Our armies will repel them.

We'll spread the flames and cut off
their rear.

Cut off their rear sounds Greek to me.

And what does visionary Mademoiselle
Rasputin have to predict?

If there are raiders in Moscow, then we
must do an arrest.

It was ridiculous.

It was anything like this.

It's alive.

It's rotten here. It's thirsty.

I gotta have a drink.

no, no!

That will never do.

We must take a break. I must have time
to compose myself.

Break, everyone. Five minutes.

Phil Potts, I gotta hand it to you. You
know that?

Good job.

Well, you see, as promised, Cashbox, the
declination of working capital will

expedite your tax shelter loss with
vigor.

He lost a quarter of a million dollars
on rehearsals alone.

Monetarium deterioratum is the legal
term for it. Listen, I can feel the

slipping through my fingers right now.
Are you kidding me? I'm home free. I

the government.

My get -out -of -jail -free card worked.

All right.

Let's run through it again with vigor
this time.

I was just leaving the theater from a
rehearsal of my starring role in Peace

War. I never expected to see you here.

Well, I like to take late -night walks
in the neighborhood.

Oh, well, then I guess this is my lucky
night, because I wanted to talk to you.

I was so impressed by your knowledge in
the restaurant that I said to myself,

well, here's a man who can really help
my daddy back in Trotsville. You see, he

has a little trouble with the government
agricultural subsidy program.

Not here. Look, it's getting a little
damp and cold out here. My place is

around the corner.

Nice place you got here.

Thank you.

I do my best.

You know, you wouldn't believe it, but
the American people are the most

people on earth.

You wouldn't believe what they throw
away.

You wouldn't believe it.

But everything in this apartment has
been furnished from stuff I found in

garbage piles in the neighborhood.

Perfectly useful items.

Just like this. Perfectly useful.

You're just tossed away because of it.

corruption in our society. Yes, yes,
yes, Mr. Quinn, but about my daddy's tax

problem, you see... Oh, we'll talk about
that later.

But first, don't you want to get a
little bit more comfortable with that?

You see, my daddy says... One minute,
Susan. Let me just go over these

Obvious mistake. Obvious. Any fool could
see that.

Well, you see, my daddy said that
when... Now, if we just enter these

this column here, and transpose this
file here, and get a file form 563216B,

then pay off the local field officer, of
course, your father can not only save

his farm, but he can have the government
pay him $9 ,888 ,985.

Five cents.

How could I make a mistake like that? I
never did that before.

Sit.

Susie, you are a very, very great woman.

Would you let me handle this?

Mr. Quim, I'm not that kind of girl.

No.

And my daddy back in Trotcom says when
the right man comes along, that I'll

it right away. And that I should stay a
virgin.

And... Oh, that feels very, very good.

Oh. And that I shouldn't let anybody
ever touch me. And, oh, you are touching

me, aren't you?

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

And there are all kinds of degenerates
in the big city that I should watch out

for. And where are you pushing me?

And I shouldn't just let anybody spread
my legs.

You have spread my legs, haven't you?

And I shouldn't just let anybody.

But there's a big, throbbing twitch in
my... Then

you

have done just that.

I feel very, very good. I feel that big,
hot cock throbbing inside of me.

And I feel it going in and out, in and
out.

My daddy says I'm coming.

And I'm going to explode in just two
seconds if you keep that up.

I wonder what it would take to make her
shut the fuck up.

A great honor.

You're a terribly important man.

An angel of the theater.

I need a sack.

And a patron of the arts.

Oh, no.

Yes. Oh, cash box.

Quite the contrary, my dear.

And so rich.

It is you who do me the honor.

Are you comfortable, my dear?

I've never been more comfortable in my
life.

Rub my clit.

And when I go round and round like this,

does that please you?

Oh, it's wonderful.

Oh, don't take him out. He'll kill you.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

don't come, Rita.

Don't come. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't be greedy.

Don't take him out. Oh, just for a
moment, please.

Be patient, my dear. It's going to be
all right.

Yes. Yes. Oh, cash box.

Oh.

Oh. Yes.

Yes. Oh.

Now I understand why Billy Haggard
writes such lousy reviews for her paper.

You probably screwed her brains out.

I'm surprised she can still even sign
her name.

Well, thank you very much, my dear. I've
always admired a woman with intellect.

However, I didn't know Billy and I were
common knowledge.

Cash box, darling?

Nothing you do could ever be common.

Have I ever told you how much I enjoy
your theatrical reviews, Ruta?

Your writing style has such class, my
dear.

And it's a breath of fresh air that you
don't find each new play to be another

catastrophe.

When I sign my byline to my reviews,
Ruta Beryl, I want everyone to know

the kind of slop the theatrical
producers dish out to the theater -going

My name stands for something.

Quite so, my dear. You are a veritable
consumer protection agency to the

-going public, aren't you?

Damned right. I tell the truth. So those
corrupt producers cannot profit from

their shoddy plays and productions.

Hear, hear. Tell it like it is.

Just because Billy Haggard writes for
the Daily Rag and they have a larger

circulation doesn't mean that everybody
doesn't also read my reviews.

Oh, quite so. I read your review myself
every day.

Why don't you dump that old bag?

I could take care of you a whole lot
better.

I just might do that.

After the play I'm producing opens
tomorrow night, I thought I'd make

arrangements between the two of us.

As a matter of fact, I don't see why we
can't start our little relationship

right now.

As I mentioned earlier, the play I'm
producing is opening tomorrow night, and

thought... What the hell is this?

Are you giving me a bribe so I'll give
your play a good review? No, it's an

honorarium, not a bribe. That's a
goddamn bribe, and you know what?

Oh, that's what this whole scene is all
about. You fuck my brains out. You give

me money, so I'll give your play a good
review. Listen, listen.

Your play is going to get the lousiest
review, the worst goddamn review I ever

wrote. I ever wrote. I'll kill that
bastard.

And once more, get out of my way.

What will I do?

What will I do? She can't find me here.
It'll cost me my job.

The bathroom, the bathroom.

Get your clothes right in the bathroom.

You charming son of a bitch is in there
with another woman.

Please do not force me to think being a
gentleman.

You absolutely have no right to go in
there. I'll cut his balls off.

I'll kill the bastard.

Mr. Cashbox will be most distressed if
you open that door.

Please do not force your way past me.

Okay, Cashbox, where is she?

She, my dear?

To whom are you referring?

Don't give me that grammatical shit, you
turd. Now, where... Is she?

If you're insinuating that there's
somebody in this room with me, I'm

you're mistaken.

I smell another woman.

So help me if I find out that you've
been cheating on me. I'll bite your

off. So help me.

Oh, Billy, why would I even think of
another woman when I have you?

Easily. You're a man, aren't you? I
think we've firmly established that in

past. Then prove it to me again.

What do you think? Fuck me right now.

Oh, no, I have a very pressured
schedule, my dear. You realize what time

Right now!

Oh, you're just hungry. You need a
little bite to eat. I'll have Egg

butler, prepare a little snack. That's
what we'll do. Right now!

A video cassette.

I mean, a little movie. I, you know, the
rag talk. I know something.

Right now!

Listen, Cashbox, if you haven't been
cheating on me, then you're going to

it to me right now.

I'll make it very clear.

You're going to perform, and you're
going to perform damned well.

Or I'll give your play the best damned
review you've ever seen. And that will

blow your tax shelter to hell and you
right into jail.

So, you are going to fuck me now. Like
you've never fucked another woman in

whole life. Oh, I'll do the best I can
considering my personal skill.

Cashbox. You can do better than that.

I'll start composing the review.

No, no, no. Wait, wait. We're making a
little progress.

Last night, I had the pleasure of
opening the new season with the most

remarkable play.

No, no.

I'm making some progress now, darling.
Here.

Called Peace and War by a remarkable new
playwright, Stan Slavsky.

We're really making some progress now,
Toots. Don't worry about it.

You'll feel good. Although by some
Broadway standards, it did have some

Cash box.

You're in the right place.

I'll take it harder.

The innovative approach.

you're approaching.

Innovate it.

Innovate my cunt lips with your tongue.

Piece of art.

Aren't you there, Cashbox?

I need to feel your prick inside

me.

Ooh, a great work.

Great work.

Yes.

Oh.

Nuts. Nuts, I can feel your nuts
pressing against my ass.

Oh, cash box, I accused you unjustly.
How could you have screwed another woman

when you're fucking me like this?

Oh, fuck me more.

It's going to give me an orgasm.

I can feel you tightening around me,
squeezing me.

the worst review that your play ever
had.

Last night, I witnessed the worst piece
of shit ever that any critic has ever

been forced to endure.

Endure. Endure.

Do more.

Do more.

It's going to happen.

Yes.

Now you'll afford me a brief respite, my
dear. Oh, yes, my darling, my precious

darling. Oh, rest, rest.

I just washed myself up a little.

I'll just fix myself up.

I'll use the bathroom.

Certainly, certainly.

No, no, the bathroom. You can't go into
the bathroom, no.

No, no.

Why the hell not? Well, the plumbing's
broken, of course.

It's not safe. Not safe for whom? I'm
going to find out who you've been

She's hidden. Oh.

You?

You bitch. Bad enough you spell like you
never graduated kindergarten, but you

had to fuck Cashbox.

I'll fix you. I'll fix you both. I'll
call your editor and have you out in the

street by tomorrow.

And you?

You'll be in jail by tomorrow night.

I'll fix your phony tax shelter tax
charge. So help me and I'll fix it.

Some people just can't take a joke.

I am loyal to Mother Russia and the
whole Army. I hold a vision for my

specialty. I am a counselor to my
people. I speak for them. I am not a

I always knew something stinks around
here. Now I know.

Absolutely the greatest art play of the
century.

You have to understand that we have just
witnessed for the first time a true

famous critic on the radio. Oh, really?
He's underneath all the pathos. It's a

comedy. You can't take the situation
seriously. It's all a big joke.

You know, she's right. I think she's
right.

Yeah, well, it's pretty funny.

Yes, yes, come in, come in.

Oh, Susie, it's you.

Mr. Swarovski, I don't... This here
isn't what I thought it would be.

My child, what's upsetting you?

Well, to be truthful, I don't think the
audience liked me in the first act.

Nonsense. It just takes a little time to
warm up the audience.

Wait till the second act. That's your
big thing.

You'll have them eating out of your
hand.

Oh, Mr. Slavsky, I don't think I can do
it. I mean, I don't think I'm ready for

this. It's just opening night jitters.
Nothing to worry about.

I'm sending you out there a kid, and
you're coming back a star.

Oh.

To me, to me, Slavsky is the great
American playwright.

Yeah, you're right.

You're always right.

It's a brilliant production.

I have so much admiration for you.
Greatness will always be recognized.

It is rather great.

In fact, it's greater than Mr. Quinn's.
You do it much better.

I was feeling better already. I feel

like I could conquer the world.

Amateurs, amateurs. God save me from the
world of amateurs.

Genius. It's forever.

Well, maybe you're forever, but I'm
about to come right now.

Mr. Flocky. Second act places, please.

The curtain is showing up.

I don't wait.

I'm just about ready to come.

But the second act is starting.

I'm going to go out there a kid and come
back a star.

But Susie, you can't leave me in this
condition. It's inhuman.

Mr. Slavsky, the first thing that we of
the theater learn is the show must go

on.

Oh, nuts.

Little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

I can't wait to see the second act.

Hello,

Vice Squad.

I'd feel it my civic duty to report an
obscene play being performed at this

instant at the Hysterium Theater.

That's right, nudity, sex acts, the
whole nine yards.

Send a patrol car, or make it two.
Better yet, send a wagon.

The white Russian armies will free us
from the peasant wards. It's only a

of time.

Yes, just a matter of time.

Until I fix that son of a whore.

The Red Army's are pulling out of...
Yes, pulled out, just as I was about to

say. Hark, I think I hear the Tsarina
approaching.

The, uh, the great oracle of the
Russians, Rasputinus, just made a

The peasants will remain loyal to the
Tsar. Hey, dimwit.

Forgot to do up your pants.

I'm doing.

That Judge, uh, Hangman. Hangman's his
name. That's right, Judge Hangman. You

better bring him along to declare the
play obscene before you raid the

My name?

Oh, Alvin Traumatath.

So, Haggard, you want to play dirty,
huh?

Bring me my loyal peasant subjects so
that I may hear of their loyalty with my

own ears. Yes, sire.

Oh, beloved Tsar of the Russians, I'm
just devastated by all of you.

What are you doing?

Stick to the script.

Don't touch me there, please.

Mother Russia is always here to embrace
you. Come to me, Anastasia. Come and let

me hold you to my bosom.

The blood has been exposed. The cortex
is pounding at the gate.

Oh, Papa Tsar, let them in. Let them in.

For speed.

Lady, please.

I have some peace and quiet. I want to
enjoy my drink.

I've got to take a piss.

Honey, honey, you can't leave like that.

It ain't professional.

First, makes a revolution.

Give it to this guy up his ass.

I do like a flower of manhood. Let me
try your manhood, really, pal.

This manhood is just like you said.

I don't know if this part of the script
is this good.

I love you. I hear bells and sirens.

to be totally obscene of all the plays
and films that I have seen in my 50

on the bench. This is the worst
indecency I have ever seen.

People fornicating on the public stage
like cattle. No shame at all. The worst

case of coitus profundus I have ever
seen.

Actors, actresses, no more than common
whores used in the theater as a

guise. To show their smutty performance.

Well, hello, Judge Hangman. How nice of
you to come to see our performance.

Hello there, Mrs. Simpsons.

On the other hand, sex between loving
people can be considered a great work of

art. We must learn to discriminate
between lewd acts.

And a beautiful play such as this would
redeem him.

Social value.