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1
00:00:02,263 --> 00:00:04,439
Is it just me,
or is Dolores
2
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,180
a little too old to
be wearing a skirt
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:06,876
that short
to a meeting?
4
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,965
Yeah.
5
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,575
When you're 70,
6
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:13,056
you should not shop
at Forever 21.
[laughs]
7
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:14,449
And I don't think
she was wearing underwear.
8
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,233
Oh, I was sitting
across from her.
9
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,800
She wasn't.
10
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,715
It looked like cotton
candy down there.
11
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,675
Oh, God, somebody
should tell her.
12
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,373
Yeah? How'd that go?
"Dolores, honey,
13
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,027
lower the skirt
or trim the witch broom."
14
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,856
That's good.
15
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:32,554
Or, you know,
just go right at it.
16
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:34,295
"Cross your legs, granny,
17
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,036
I can see your yammy."
18
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,472
[laughing]
19
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,517
Granny? Yammy?
20
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:40,518
Nothing?
21
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,477
Sorry.
22
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:43,347
I'm a little
preoccupied.
23
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,523
Is everything okay?
24
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,351
Oh, sure.
25
00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,310
Other than,
you know,
26
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,050
having cancer.
27
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,052
[laughing]
28
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,097
Oh, you're
not laughing.
29
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:59,102
What kind?
30
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,321
Breast.
31
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:01,844
But we caught
it early,
32
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:04,455
so there's a good chance
I'll be okay.
33
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,630
Well, that's
great news.
34
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:06,805
Yeah, that's great.
35
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,112
Wow.
36
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,158
Cancer.
37
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,899
Sorry.
38
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:15,162
Don't you dare
treat me differently.
No.
39
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:16,989
Of course not. No.
No.
40
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,346
Remind me on
the way home
41
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,564
I gotta pick up
some brownie makings
42
00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:28,305
for Roscoe's
bake sale tomorrow.
43
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,786
You're actually gonna start
baking at 11:00 at night?
44
00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:32,396
I know,
it's a nightmare.
45
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,877
Not like what
you're going through.
46
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:37,401
Oh.
Here you go.
47
00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:38,576
What are you doing?
48
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:39,969
What?
She told us
49
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:40,665
not to treat her
any differently.
50
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,211
Oh, it's awful
about Marjorie, huh?
51
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:05,690
Yeah.
52
00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,127
I mean, she doesn't
look sick.
53
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,084
[sighs]
54
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,738
She did order soup.
55
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:12,175
That is the official food
of sick people.
56
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,526
Or maybe she's
making it up.
57
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,572
Who makes up cancer?
58
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:18,921
I did once.
59
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,577
You know, I-I didn't
want to hurt
a guy's feelings.
60
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,709
Then I ran into him five years
later at a Costco.
61
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:27,321
Tried to tell him
it was a miracle.
62
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:29,410
Who'd have thought
that would backfire?
63
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:33,065
I know, I never
go to Costco.
64
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:37,635
I just never know what
to do in these situations.
65
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,768
Do you think she noticed
I didn't give her a hug?
66
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:41,378
Yeah, what was
that all about?
67
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,424
I panicked halfway in.
68
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:46,601
I didn't want to...
smoosh the cancer.
69
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,562
Well, the fist bump
was an odd choice.
70
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,782
[sighs]
71
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:55,479
God.
72
00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:57,525
It really puts our problems
in perspective.
73
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,004
Yeah.
74
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:00,571
Everything seems small
by comparison.
75
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:01,703
Right?
76
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:02,356
We need to be more grateful.
77
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,270
Amen.
78
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,968
[honks horn]
79
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,230
Green means go,
stupid!
80
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:09,319
Starting now.
81
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,852
Hey.
82
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:22,463
Oh. Hi.
83
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:27,163
I was just checking
myself in the bathroom.
84
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,164
How'd you do?
85
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,600
I think I'm okay.
86
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:30,819
I, uh... I got
a couple of freckles
87
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,560
I'm gonna keep
an eye on.
88
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:33,561
You?
89
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:34,866
I'm good.
90
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,738
Just made myself
a little horny.
91
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:39,349
VIOLET:
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
92
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:40,872
What's that about?
93
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,483
She's 17
and pregnant.
94
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,180
I'm surprised she doesn't
do that all day.
95
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,530
[sighs]
96
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,402
[knocking at door]
97
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:49,794
Hello?
98
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,361
Oh, come on!
Lock the door!
99
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:52,841
Oh, no, no.
No.
100
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,060
I'm trying to put 'em on,
not take 'em off.
101
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,366
What?
102
00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:57,715
None of my
stupid pants fit.
103
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,848
Come on, put some
muscle into it!
104
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,458
Aren't we squishing
the baby?
105
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,459
The baby's fine.
106
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,592
Button my damn pants!
107
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:05,419
Help.
108
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,727
Violet, you're pregnant.
109
00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:12,034
You had to know this was coming.
110
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,210
I did, but I still
want to look hot.
111
00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,821
You were hot,
that's why you're pregnant.
112
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,562
It's true.
113
00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:19,520
[sighs]
114
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:22,000
Well, it's not fair.
115
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,698
Not fair?
[laughs]
116
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:24,829
Oh, I've got news for you,
117
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,875
this is just the beginning.
118
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,572
A couple of months from now,
you're gonna be packin' on
119
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:29,617
another 30 pounds,
you'll have stretch marks,
120
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,923
your boobs'll be enormous,
121
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:33,621
and there's
hemorrhoids...
What's that
about the boobs?
122
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:34,448
Shut up.
123
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,624
And you know what?
124
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,060
None of that stuff matters,
125
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:39,975
because you're healthy.
126
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,803
And healthy is everything.
127
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,631
It's the most
important thing in the world.
128
00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:44,632
Yeah, I get it, but...
129
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,286
But nothing!
130
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,852
Now take those
stupid jeans off,
131
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:50,159
put on some sweatpants
and pray for a C-section
132
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:51,639
'cause that bundle of joy's
133
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:54,511
gonna do some damage
on its way out.
134
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,995
Bravo.
135
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:08,133
[knocking at door]
136
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:16,316
[knocking]
137
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,317
Ooh, God.
138
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,535
Oh, my God.
139
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,842
Oh.
140
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,061
I'm sorry to come
by so early,
141
00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,585
but I made brownies
for Christy
142
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,021
for her son's
bake sale.
143
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,936
What?
Yeah.
144
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,198
They're labeled.
145
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:31,200
Okay, these are
regular brownies,
146
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,898
and these have no sugar,
no dairy and no gluten.
147
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,857
I call them
"frownies."
148
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,514
What?
149
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,342
What's going on?
150
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:46,476
Uh, Marjorie made brownies
for Roscoe's bake sale.
151
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:49,044
Oh, thank God,
I completely forgot.
152
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:49,784
Marjorie,
you saved my life.
153
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:50,611
I mean...
154
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,877
How's it going?
155
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:57,313
Pretty good.
156
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,619
Have a nice day.
157
00:05:58,706 --> 00:05:59,968
Wait, um...
158
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,273
do you want to
come in for coffee?
159
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,927
I can't.
I got a cab waiting
160
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,581
to take me across town
for my chemo.
161
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,104
Well, hang on,
just give me a second
162
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:07,454
and I'll get dressed
and I'll take you.
163
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,847
Oh, I don't want
to put you out.
164
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,371
No, it's not
a problem.
165
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,676
My daughter'll take
Roscoe to school.
166
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:13,851
Mom, you want
to come with us?
167
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:14,983
To chemo?
168
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,072
You betcha.
169
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,730
Okay. Thank you.
170
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,862
I'll let the cab go.
171
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:27,952
Oh...
172
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,301
Do you believe her?
Mmm.
173
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,694
She is in a fight
for her life
174
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:32,130
and she still
finds the time
175
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,828
to bake brownies
for my kid's school.
176
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,004
Yeah, the woman
is a saint.
177
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:37,397
[sighs] Thanks for
going with us.
178
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,485
Well, what choice
did I have?
179
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,138
She survives this,
180
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,879
I don't need her
telling people
what a bitch I am.
181
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,287
Oh, good news.
182
00:06:58,374 --> 00:06:59,636
This cancer clinic
183
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,290
got four and a half stars
on Yelp.
184
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:05,816
That's... great.
185
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,339
Think about it.
186
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,080
You gotta be alive
to write the review.
187
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,391
Ooh, check it out.
188
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,740
Angelina Jolie's
new boobs.
189
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,046
Life gave her lemons,
190
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,091
she turned them
into grapefruits.
191
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,790
Speaking of which,
192
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,226
have, uh, you thought
about new ones?
193
00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,619
What?
194
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:26,881
[laughing]:
No.
195
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,273
I'm doing chemo
and radiation
196
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,623
to try and hang
on to these.
197
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:31,407
Or... you could
go under the knife
198
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,583
and wake up with
a perky new rack.
199
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:36,499
My rack is fine.
Oh, please.
200
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:37,674
You could tuck those
puppies into your belt.
201
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,029
Mom, can you please talk
about something else?
202
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:46,335
Sure.
203
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,555
What's your plan
for the baldness?
204
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:51,645
You know, they said
that might not happen.
205
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,647
Oh, it's happening.
206
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:56,563
You're gonna look like
a thumb in a housecoat.
207
00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:59,000
Why is she here?
208
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,218
She's trying to help.
209
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:03,613
Oh. Did not get that.
210
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,834
Look, I say we start shopping
for wigs today.
211
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:07,878
I don't think so.
212
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:08,923
You sure?
213
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:10,272
Curly blonde hair
214
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:11,708
and some gummy bear
double "D"s,
215
00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:13,710
you might even get laid.
By a man.
216
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:17,497
Mom, ease up.
217
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:18,672
I'm sorry,
I'm just trying
218
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:20,151
to lighten the mood.
219
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,501
[sighs]
220
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,459
What are gummy
bear breasts?
221
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,982
The latest
in implants.
222
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,811
Like a memory foam
mattress with nipples.
223
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,033
Hi, Marjorie.
224
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,338
Ready to start your treatment?
225
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,514
Yes, we are.I'm ready, too.
226
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,951
Come on.
227
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:37,691
I'm her best friend.
228
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:41,172
So am I.
229
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:42,043
What do I need new boobs for?
230
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,784
I have you two.
231
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,441
Mommy's home.
232
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,707
Oh, my God.
233
00:08:53,794 --> 00:08:56,710
I thought the cancer
clinic was depressing.
234
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:02,542
Marjorie, how many
cats do you own?
235
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:03,847
Oh, you don't own cats.
236
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,936
You love them.
237
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,634
Okay.
238
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:09,723
How many cats
do you love?
239
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,899
Well, let's see.
240
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,465
That's Carlos Santana,
241
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,163
and that's Grace Slick,
242
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:16,512
and that's Boz Scaggs
243
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,470
and Steve Miller,
and these three are
244
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,124
the Tower of Power
horn section.
245
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,389
This fat little
troublemaker...
[meows]
246
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,304
is Jerry Garcia.
247
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,697
So... eight.
248
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,699
[cat meows]
249
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:34,138
Oh, Marjorie, when did
you lose your way?
250
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:35,313
I need to make them lunch.
251
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,794
No, no, no.
You rest.
252
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,491
We'll take care of it.[cat meows]
253
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,797
Oh...
254
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:41,929
Where do you keep
the cat food?
255
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,757
I don't feed them cat food.
256
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:47,195
Of course not.
257
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,805
What do you feed them?
Well,
258
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:51,329
there's a freshwater trout
in the fridge.
259
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:52,200
You put that
in the blender,
260
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,549
pulse until creamy,
261
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,377
and then add rice
and veggies.
262
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,119
Don't look at me.
263
00:09:58,206 --> 00:09:59,555
I'm not making
a sushi smoothie.
264
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,733
Fine,
I'll do it.
265
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:05,909
[sneezes]
266
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:08,259
Oh, are you allergic to cats?
267
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,000
A little.Since when?
268
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,570
Since birth, Mom.
269
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,791
With all
these cats,
270
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:20,489
you're wise not
to have nice furniture.
271
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,931
[whispering]:
I'm sorry.
272
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,771
Hey, Christy, look.
273
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:44,644
I'm Dolores.
274
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:58,005
[snorks]
275
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:01,965
[nasally]:
Chamomile with honey.
276
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,228
Thank you.
277
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:07,536
Did you, uh, make some tea
for me?
278
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,060
Did I ever get a birthday party?
279
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,978
[sneezes] Uh!
280
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,981
So, listen,
281
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:21,724
I was thinking that we could
call a couple of the girls
282
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:25,685
from the meeting and have them
take turns helping you out.
283
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:30,472
You know, shopping,
driving you to treatment...
284
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,301
blending fish.
285
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,346
I don't want
anyone else to know.
286
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,044
Why not?
287
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,219
Go away.
288
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,268
Because I don't want
289
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,270
anyone feeling sorry for me
because I'm sick.
290
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:49,621
Oh, Marjorie, no one's gonna
feel sorry for you
291
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,753
'cause you're sick.
292
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,233
Yeah, they'll be sorry for you
293
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,930
'cause you're
a crazy ol' cat lady.
294
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,370
And if you're so concerned
about your privacy,
295
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:00,720
why'd you tell us?
296
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,200
Oh! Oh!
297
00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:05,115
Oh, please, scoot.
298
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,556
Because you're
my closest friends.
299
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,733
Oh, that's even sadder.
300
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:18,650
Well, what about your son?
301
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,957
Does he know?
302
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:24,395
I haven't talked to him
in a long time.
303
00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:27,007
Maybe we could call him and...
304
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,748
No, leave him alone.
305
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,924
But I just think that...
306
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:31,185
I said no!
307
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,755
He has his life, I have mine.
308
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:40,150
All right, fine.
309
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:44,372
I gotta get to work.
310
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,200
[sniffles, sighs]
311
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,332
How do I look?
312
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:50,073
Like death warmed over.
313
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,337
No offense.
314
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:59,300
Well, I will leave you in
the capable hands of my...
315
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:02,520
I'll just leave you.
316
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:04,958
[snorks]
317
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,704
I don't suppose you
wanna make some tea for me.
318
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,276
[sniffles]
319
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,451
[clears throat]
320
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,981
Cocaine?
321
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,550
Cat dander.
322
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:35,771
Mm. Is that what the kids
are calling it now?
323
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:41,211
Why is the Japanese
family at table six
324
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,169
wearing surgical masks?
325
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:45,476
Because they're paranoid.
326
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:49,524
Are you sick?
327
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:51,526
Uh! No, I've got allergies.
328
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,963
Well, either way,
you don't look too good.
329
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:54,921
Maybe you should go home.
330
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:57,314
Maybe I should, Gabriel.
331
00:13:57,401 --> 00:14:01,144
Maybe we should all go home
and be with our loved ones
332
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,580
'cause death is coming!
333
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,582
It's coming for you
and you
334
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,976
and you and you!
335
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:15,202
She seemed a lot less crazy
when I was sleeping with her.
336
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:16,551
They all do.
337
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:28,215
[door opens]
338
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,043
Hey.
Hi.
339
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,566
How was work?
340
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:34,699
People paid me
to stay away from them.
341
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:40,618
How's Marjorie?
342
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:41,706
She's doing okay.
343
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,579
I just put her
to bed.
344
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,450
You stayed with her
the whole day?
345
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:50,063
Yep. I made her dinner,
did the laundry,
346
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,542
panned for cat nuggets
347
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:53,849
in the kitty litter.
[clicks tongue]
348
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,416
Wow.
349
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:58,506
Look at you being all caring
and compassionate
350
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,551
without rolling on ecstasy.
351
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,599
I know.
I'm as surprised as you are.
352
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:07,384
I just, I can't
help feeling
353
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:08,908
the woman's getting
a raw deal.
354
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:12,607
I mean, she's been
sober for 32 years,
355
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,826
she's always there
for anybody who needs her.
356
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,872
And what's her reward?
357
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:17,568
Cancer.
358
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,266
I know.
359
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,877
You start thinking,
"What's the point?"
360
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,226
It beats me.
361
00:15:23,313 --> 00:15:25,707
The unconditional
love of family?
362
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:29,493
Ugh. Maybe.
363
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:33,149
It's a compelling argument
for staying loaded till you die.
364
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:37,414
Marjorie gave me that same look.
365
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:54,605
Oh, God!
366
00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:59,132
Can I help you?
367
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,439
Hi. I-I'm looking
for a Jerry Armstrong.
368
00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:03,658
That's me.
369
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,181
Oh, okay, great.
370
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,749
I'm Christy. I'm a friend
of your mother's.
371
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,404
Not interested.
372
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,840
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
373
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:14,451
Um, I just want you to know
374
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:17,454
that she's going
through a tough time.
375
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,804
She's got cancer.
376
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:23,156
Okay, now I know.
377
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,505
Have a nice day.
378
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,333
Oh come on.
She's your mother.
379
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,422
Let me guess.
380
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:31,294
You're one of her little
Anonymous friends.
381
00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:34,515
Yeah.
382
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:38,127
Yeah. 12 simple steps
that let youoff the hook
383
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,477
for ruining everyone's life.
384
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:47,528
Well, there's more
to it than that.
385
00:16:47,615 --> 00:16:49,443
There's also coffee and cookies.
386
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,276
Look, uh...
387
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,669
let me tell ya something,
Christy.
388
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:01,107
My mother was a drunk
and a drug addict
389
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,500
who abandoned me
more times than I can count.
390
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:06,590
So you'll have to excuse me
if I'm rooting for the cancer.
391
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:11,073
Wow.
392
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,120
That's a Mother's Day card
you don't see.
393
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,429
Listen, Jerry,
I understand how you feel.
394
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:21,910
I had the same kind of mom.
395
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,565
But she's changed,
and I've changed.
396
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:28,221
I've changed more.
397
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,396
I'm actually a much better
person than she is.
398
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:34,531
Well, uh, thanks for sharing.
399
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,707
Are we done?
400
00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:41,799
You just need to know that your
mom is not like you remember.
401
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,366
She's a warm and loving woman
who has helped
402
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:46,587
a lot of people, including me.
403
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,502
And a bunch of cats.
404
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:53,768
Which you two seem
to have in common.
405
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:54,421
Great.
406
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:55,639
Bye.
407
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:05,084
I saw that ending in a hug.
408
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,567
The trick to forging
a signature
409
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:14,441
is turning the original
upside down when you copy it.
410
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,183
How'd you learn that?
411
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,836
'Cause sometimes grandmas
have to write checks
412
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,534
they're not supposed to.
413
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,885
Sorry I'm late.
414
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:24,755
Where were you?
415
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,540
Doesn't matter.
416
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:31,110
Look, this is gonna sound weird,
but I just want you guys
417
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:32,850
to know that I love you
418
00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:35,157
and I am so happy
we're all together.
419
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:38,465
Are you drinking again?
420
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:42,599
Violet, you can't ask that
every time I say I love you.
421
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:45,994
[sighs] Here, I stopped
to get you some new jeans.
422
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,082
Really?
423
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,040
Yeah, look.
424
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,260
They're cute and they've
got a stretchy waist.
425
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,043
Thanks.
426
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,915
You're welcome.
427
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,526
I'm sorry I was a little rough
on you the other day.
428
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,528
It's okay.
No, it's not.
429
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:02,053
I want you to visit me
when I'm dying.
430
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:04,534
Sure.
431
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,450
Great!
432
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:10,627
Now, uh, what's going
on over here?
433
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:11,672
Tell her.
434
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,630
I flunked my math test.
435
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:14,892
Oh, Roscoe, you gotta apply
yourself!
436
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,546
Otherwise,
you're gonna...!
437
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:18,635
[sighs]
438
00:19:18,722 --> 00:19:21,247
Okay, let me start over.
439
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:23,423
You are a very smart
young man,
440
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,121
and I know that
you will do better
next time.
441
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,167
I doubt it.
442
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:32,301
Do you need me to sign it?
443
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:33,911
That's okay.
444
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:34,999
Grandma's teaching me
to forge your signature.
445
00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:36,697
Really?I don't think
446
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:40,309
he can fool a bank,
but he can sure
fool a teacher.
447
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,717
Thanks for getting
all dolled up for my chemo.
448
00:19:56,804 --> 00:20:00,808
Oh, this?
Just threw it on.
449
00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:03,985
Oh, please, you're trying
to bag that cute doctor.
450
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,770
Say again. I couldn't
hear you over your boobs.
451
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:12,776
Regardless, I'm really glad
you're both here.
452
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,275
He's gay.
453
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,020
[text alert sounds]
454
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:45,722
Oh, my God.
455
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:48,464
What?
456
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,380
I just got a text from my son.
457
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:54,905
He wants to see me.
458
00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:02,043
That's great.
459
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,611
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
460
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:05,655
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
and TOYOTA.
461
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:13,968
Captioned by
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