Original subtitles

[♪ swing music playing]

[door opens]

[gasps] Oh, thank God you're home.

Big news.

I decided to style Austin for The Albies myself.

-What? That's amazing! -Yeah!

I'm so proud of you!

Why are you so sweaty?

And are you missing a shoe?

I am. I just ran all the way home from work.

What? Why? Are you okay?

I just kissed my boss and he kissed me back.

What?!

[♪ upbeat, electronic music playing]

♪ Do what you feel 'cause everything's real ♪

♪ 'Cause everything's real ♪

Wait, so tell me exactly what happened.

And as your horny friend, please do not leave out any details.

It was so hot.

-[sighs] -But also restrained.

-Mm. -Which made it even more hot.

-Mm. -He has these soft lips

and just a hint of stubble, and his hands were on my waist.

And then, you had sex on his desk.

Did you push all the papers onto the floor?

I've always wanted to do that.

Bill doesn't have anything on his desk.

His aesthetic is more minimalist.

That's not the detail I wanted clarified.

Did you have sex?

-No, of course not. -[sighs]

This was all a huge mistake.

I can't have sex with a coworker, let alone my boss.

Well, can I have sex with him?

-He's so hot. -Abby!

Fine. So, what are you gonna do about it?

-The mature thing. -Mm.

Pretend like it never happened until we both forget about it.

Is that the mature thing?

No, but in my defense, leave me alone.

[♪ "Little Sweet Kiss" by Brotherhood of Peace playing]

♪ Oh yeah, my little sweet kiss ♪

♪ Sweet kiss ♪

Hey, do I know you from somewhere?

No, I don't think so, man.

You're the jaw surgery guy.

[chuckles] Look, that was just a one-off thing.

I'm-- I'm more focused on acting.

-Oh. [chuckles] -How much longer

do you think we're gonna have to wait?

Oh, that's the fun thing about open casting calls.

Could be two hours, could be 12.

What? H-How do you live like that? Is that normal?

If you don't have an agent, it is.

-Oh, that's terrible! -Not really.

I've been a corpse on every Law and Order.

I love it so much.

The hardest part is not smiling when they're bagging up my body.

Okay, that's it. Spots have been filled.

You can go home.

Wait, wait, wait. I've been here since 5 a.m.

Well, now you know to get here earlier.

Hey, I see a lot of myself in you.

You want to go get a bite?

Krispy Kreme is BOGO today.

That's buy one, get one.

I need an agent.

Hey, are you good, man? You didn't order breakfast this morning.

Yeah, no, I had a donut with my future self at 8 a.m.

-I don't wanna talk about it. -Okay.

Ugh! Fruit is disgusting.

-Josh, give me your extra sandwich. -No, fatty.

This is for Paula. I need her to like me.

Why do you care what your mean boss thinks?

Doesn't Wes already love you?

Wes only likes me 'cause of my last name.

Paula can make me better at my job.

I've tried everything to win her over.

I'm always the last one to leave.

Hey, have your male loneliness epidemic somewhere else, please.

[Josh] I always replate her lunch order so it looks really nice.

Got your soup.

Where the hell am I supposed to put that?

[laughing] I mean, honestly, Brandi Carlile walked

so Phoebe Bridgers could run.

I mean, how many petitions do I have to sign

before she gets the Vegas residency she deserves?

Hm.

Wait, so her saying "huh" is a good thing?

It's great. Anything that's not an insult is an improvement.

My guy's like a parasite worming his way into people's hearts.

I think I'm one thoughtful gesture away from becoming a respected subordinate.

-[yawning] -I'm sorry, Cal.

Is my quest for career advancement boring to you?

Dude, these cattle calls are killing me.

I need to get an agent to get a role and then win my parents back.

Are they still not talking to you?

No, that's why I need to get cast in something as soon as possible.

Well, I don't know about your business,

but in mine, it is all about networking.

Okay, but how? I don't-- I don't have a network.

Dude, you gotta work every angle.

I belong to ten gyms, three bathhouses,

and a nail salon near work where the ladies be talking.

Often about things I don't understand.

But one day, I'll learn what a bleph is.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

Morning, Paula. Got you a breakfast sandwich.

Oh, good, it's cold and wet. Did you also find it on the ground?

Paula, we need to replace my new hair woman.

Cynthia talks about her stepkids too much.

Just put my hair system on in silence. Is that so hard?

Set up some interviews for tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I have my annual endocrinologist appointment tomorrow.

D-- I don't need to hear the details of your woman problems.

How is diabetes a woman problem?

It's inside your guts and stuff.

I'm sorry. No one hates missing work more than I do,

especially when it means sitting on a train for three hours

to Doctor Murph's clinic in Long Island,

which is the only place that can fit me in and--

Fine. I don't wanna think about it.

We can meet the replacements on Monday.

Call their references and see how much they yap.

Can you throw this out for me, please?

Okay.

[sighs]

Hi. I finished resteaming that sweater for the third time.

-Do you have a minute to talk? -Go ahead.

Vanessa, working with you

has been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

You are a legendary stylist.

[♪ "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane playing through speakers]

But the time has come for me to...

-[computer keys clacking] -I want...

-[♪ music continues playing] -Hey, sorry. What's going on?

I'm making a tribute video for my cat Azzedine's memorial service.

He's dead, by the way.

Oh! I'm so sorry.

You're having a memorial service for your cat?

Sorry, it's close friends only.

I mean, Saint Patrick's Cathedral can only hold so many people.

But he deserved it.

-He was so special. -Mm-hmm.

Designer tabby with the smile of an angel.

[Abby] Yes, I remember.

He was so... sweet.

-No, he was psychotic. -[♪ music stops abruptly]

But he was my best friend.

We'd both grown immune to the same anti-depressants together.

[Abby chuckles sympathetically]

-Maybe we can talk about this later. -No, you know what?

I could use a little cheering up.

You were saying that I'm-- I'm a great stylist?

Yeah, that's it. You're a great stylist.

And I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Okay, I need you to write his eulogy for me,

and then overnight his ashes to the cloning lab. Chop-chop.

That means now.

No stammering. Just keep moving.

I just have to ask my dad something real quick before we go to Sweetgreen.

Whoa, this view is sick!

Your dad knows so many celebrities.

W-Wait, why is there a photo missing?

Oh, I-I think he'll beat the charges. But why risk it?

Hi. David Teitelbaum.

I'm Elena. I work with your son.

Ah, Josh, he's told me about you.

You know, Latin America is one of our fastest growing--

-Dad, stop. -What?

I came by to see if you could pull some strings

to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

-Oh, is your bowel impacted again? -No!

No. No.

It's for my boss, Paula.

She's had trouble finding an endocrinologist in the city.

Say no more. I'll have my assistant Martinez

set it up with Doctor Chen.

-Great. Thanks, Dad. -Alright.

[chuckles] Okay. Alright.

Can I just say, I heard your interview with Terry Gross,

and I thought you made great points about media consolidation.

Really? I actually got a lot of blowback after that interview.

Yeah, well, the NPR audience can be an echo chamber,

but I don't think people should hide from opinions

that differ from their worldview. That gets us nowhere.

Well, that's exactly what I yelled at Terry

after the interview, that... [laughing]

It's great to meet you.

If you ever need anything. My door is open.

-Thank you. -Alright? Okay.

-Alright. -[grumbling] Aw.

Sorry if that was a weird way to meet my dad.

-You did great. -So, you talked to your dad about me?

I just said I work with this really annoying girl,

and her only redeeming quality is that she's pretty cute.

Oh, well, I totally get it.

Mildred in accounting looks really good for 90.

Yeah, but I could never get her.

-[Elena sucking teeth] -Would you want to hang out later?

Yeah, I would.

[♪ upbeat jazz music playing]

Hey, dipshits!

Stop using shades of green for all the pitch books.

What am I, a fucking leprechaun? Do we need to go over the color wheel?

No, sir. Sorry, sir.

Calm down. Just fix it.

[♪ soul music playing]

♪ Good God ♪

Hey, guys? Let's shape up.

Hey! Uh, you quit Vanessa yet?

[Abby] [on phone] No, and that's not why you're calling.

How is it going with your sexy boss?

The, uh, client is acting completely normal.

Not a glance, nothing. It's like we're in line at the DMV.

Great, that's exactly what you wanted, right?

Right, except it's so normal, it's also maybe hurtful.

It's-- I'm starting to feel crazy. Like, did it even happen?

It's a little soon to start questioning reality.

-It's been less than a day. -I know.

-[phone chiming] -[gasps] Ah!

-Gotta go. -Oh, no!

What, did Patagonia sell out of quarter zips?

No, worse! I'm on Fisher Trashen.

-Ohh! -Sorry, what is Fisher Trashen?

It's an Instagram account.

They post dirt about Fisher Stassen employees.

And once a month, they post a worst offender.

[scoffs] And it looks like somebody anonymously submitted Davis.

[Davis] Anonymous, my ass. I know exactly who wrote this.

Love terrorist? What did you do?

Oh, I don't know, tried to be a gentleman?

And what does that mean?

Well, I hooked up with this analyst named Madison a couple of times.

But when it ran its course, I took her to a very classy omakase meal,

and I told her that I no longer wish to continue our casual sexual courtship.

That doesn't sound that bad. That's like the ideal way to get dumped.

But people are just gonna assume I'm a bad guy,

and I'm so not a bad guy, AJ!

I'm a romantic, like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill,

or Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

What other famous leading men are you like?

Don't be a bitch, Jocelyn. You know I treat women well.

-Dileep. -No.

No, you have to talk to Madison for me.

-She blocked me. -I stay out of the drama.

-Is not for me. -Yes, but I need her

to take it down. Jocelyn?

You literally just called me a bitch.

-I'll do it. -What? Are you-- are you sure?

Yeah, I got this. I'm a girl's girl.

Are you? 'Cause you seem more like a guy's girl with no guy friends.

Just shut up and let me help you. I can do it.

And I could use a distraction.

[Davis] Okay, thanks.

Wow. You look so good.

And just to be clear, that is a compliment to myself.

Send them pictures to my social media guy,

he'll tag you in the post.

No, no, no, don't tag me in anything.

I just-- I haven't told Vanessa yet.

Friggin' Azzedine.

Okay, well, you're all set for tonight.

Just remember to keep your poses simple

on the red carpet. Show me.

What is that?

I never really know what to do with my hands.

No, no, no. No finger guns, no thumbs.

What are you doing? Are you holding up oranges?

It's corny. Just act normal.

[sighs] Yeah, sure.

You got it, boss.

Okay, well, I have to go write a cat eulogy now.

But good luck tonight.

And if George Clooney likes your look, send him my way.

-Will do. -[chuckles]

[♪ "ll fait chaud" by Corine playing]

Are you Madison?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry. I don't sell Ritalin anymore.

Uh... [chuckles] I actually wanted to talk to you about Davis.

He's a friend. I know you put him on Fisher Trashen.

And look, I get it. Men can be so frustrating sometimes.

But I was hoping that maybe if we talked, like woman to woman,

you might be open to taking that down?

Why would I do that?

Well, I-- I get that you had feelings for him,

but are you really gonna flame a guy for dumping you after a fling?

A fling?

We dated for three months after he pursued me for a year.

We adopted a dog together.

-Sorry, you did what? -He said it was practice for our future.

And now, I own a mastiff named Post Malone.

Its shits are so big.

-Oh, my God! -So, yeah, woman to woman,

you have no fucking idea what you're talking about.

[knocking "Shave and a Haircut"]

[Abby] Come in.

-Hey. -[Abby] I'm sorry.

-I'm just finishing up a work thing. -[door closes]

What's a nicer word for "feral"?

Feral? -Mm-hmm.

-What are you doing? -Just a cat eulogy.

Don't worry about it.

-So, what's up? -So, as you know,

I recently left med school to become an unemployed actor with no prospects.

I will donate to your GoFundMe as long as you don't make me

watch whatever short film you're making.

No, this is somehow more embarrassing.

I was wondering if Austin would ever give me advice on how to get an agent.

A-And I know he's super busy, and he probably gets requests

like this all the time, and I don't want to put you out.

-Y-You know, sorry. Forget it. -[phone clicking]

-Just forget I asked. -No, it's cool.

I'm texting him right now.

-[text whooshing] -Sometimes he takes a while to respond.

[text chiming]

Oh. That was fast.

He says yes.

He's got time tomorrow, if you're free.

Yeah, oh, my God, thank you. Y-Yeah!

Yeah, of course.

[clicking tongue] Um, wayward.

Is wayward nicer than feral?

Wayward? Wayward. That's good.

-Wayward cat, yes. -You're welcome.

[laughing]

[Josh] Okay, admit you were impressed.

-[Elena] By the dinosaurs or by you? -[Josh] I mean, both?

[Elena] That's ambitious.

[Josh] Well, I guess I'm full of surprises.

[Elena] That was so fun.

I've never been to the Museum of Natural History at night.

I'm so sorry for the mess.

Every morning I have to try on 20 things,

'cause you know, at work, I'm criticized constantly

-for what I wear. -Josh?

Which is crazy, because I'm actually drawing influence

from Wes' style. Have you seen photos of him

-when he was young? -Josh, I don't want to talk about Wes.

[♪ gentle music playing]

[both chuckle softly]

[Blakely] [on phone] Oh, I am not happy about this.

Congratulations to Austin Blanchett, because this fearless outfit

has landed him firmly on my list of top five straight men in Hollywood

I would not push into oncoming traffic,

which means Timothée Chalamet has fallen into the street and off my list.

He knows what he did.

-[Abby shrieks] -[clapping] Amazing!

Okay, confession. I don't know who this guy is.

-But this feels huge, right? -Yes.

Blakely Thornton is a social tastemaker.

He's like fashion Jerome Powell.

Oh, that is huge!

I feel like I'm actually legit now.

Like, it's not so scary to leave Vanessa.

-Mm-hmm. -I'm gonna do it tomorrow.

Okay, now,

I'm not even gonna ask about the Bill situation,

because if there were any updates, you would tell me.

Yep. Still no clue what he's thinking.

Still driving me crazy.

-Okay, no further questions. -[sighs]

[knocking] Hi, you have a minute?

-I always have time for a Teitelbaum. -Great.

So, Paula, I couldn't help overhearing your whole doctor ordeal.

I managed to get you an appointment today

with Manhattan's top endocrinologist

right around the corner. Would you want that?

Oh, that-- that's very nice, but there's no way

my insurance will cover that.

I took care of that. It's on the house.

The house being my dad.

Josh, this is too much,

and-- and I'm not sure that it's appropriate.

Paula, don't be such a martyr. I'm sure this guy's much better

than your strip mall doctor in Massapequa.

She'll take it. Thank you.

-Thank you. -I got you, Paula.

Josh, does your father know that Kris Jenner facelift doctor?

I've been on the waitlist for months.

-[scoffs] -[snapping] I'll see what I can do.

Hey, Austin?

Oh. Sorry, man.

Yeah, I don't wanna do any pictures right now, but maybe on the way out.

Oh, oh no, sorry, I don't-- I don't want a photo.

I'm, um, I'm Abby's friend, Kel.

Ah, Kel! Sorry, I go into autopilot

when a nervous stranger approaches. Please, sit down.

Thank you, thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it.

And I-- I don't wanna waste your time, so I'll just get right into it.

-I'm an open book. -Right.

So, I'm just curious, how did you get an agent?

I mean, I was looking at some acting classes.

-Thought maybe if I meet-- -[chuckles] Acting classes.

No, uh, they're for losers.

Okay, so-- so what did you do?

Well, uh, I got kicked out of school for never going.

And my mom sent me to live with my Auntie Cate,

and she put me in a movie.

Right, right, right, right.

Yeah, but I can help you out, man.

I can just introduce you to my agent.

Wait, really? That would be incredible!

Oh, man, no worries.

I mean, maybe you can do something for me too.

Y-- uh, yeah. [chuckles] Of course, any-- anything.

Um, I need you to hype me up to Abby.

Hype you up? What-- what do you mean?

Well, uh, ever since we started working together, I've just...

I've really fallen for her.

I mean, she's beautiful and she's smart,

and she talked me out of getting this Chinese character for Hope

tattooed on my thigh.

Yeah, yeah, she's really, really talented.

Yeah, I mean, she really wants to keep things professional,

but I feel like if you put in a good word,

then maybe she might be open to seeing me as more.

Me? W-Why me?

Well, I mean, the way she talks about you,

she obviously really respects you.

Huh. [exhales]

So, what do you reckon? We can help each other out?

What-- what exactly do you want me to say to her?

[chuckles] No, just the truth.

You know, tell her Austin's a legend, and she'd be mad not to date him,

and it's crazy he hasn't won an Oscar yet.

-O-Okay. -[fans clamoring]

Oh, God, there's more of them now. So stressful.

I should have worn a bigger hat.

Anyway, you talk to Abby, and I'll hook you up with my reps.

Okay.

Whoa.

Legend. Thanks, mate.

Said you'd take care of this.

Thanks so much!

[♪ "So Hot" by Charles White playing]

♪ Got me screamin' ♪

♪ So hot ♪

Hey, Davis.

Madison. [clearing throat]

Davis, on your first date,

did you hire an NYU a cappella group

to serenade Madison with "Take On Me"?

Yeah, I love The Cleftomaniacs. They make magic through music.

What about a week later when you said

you were falling so hard, it scared you?

I told you that in confidence.

And did you suggest adopting a dog together?

Well, we were walking back from brunch drunk,

and he looked so cute.

You never even told me why you wanted to break up.

You just said you weren't feeling it anymore.

[laughing] Oh, no. No. No.

What I said was, "I ain't feeling it no mo'."

There's a breeziness to it that you're missing.

You know what, this is starting to feel like a witch hunt.

Yeah, I'm not going to apologize for an adult relationship that ended.

Come on, Dileep, let's go get matcha.

Uh, I-- I'm working.

We have so much work. Sit-- sit down.

No.

-Oh, hi! -[door slamming]

Hey, dumbass.

Wait, is this our new friendly banter?

Being the most insufferable kiss-ass wasn't enough for you?

You had to go and get extra credit by ruining my one day off a year?

What? You told Wes

you hate taking time off for your appointment.

Yeah, I lied. There is no doctor's appointment.

But your diabetes.

I don't have diabetes.

I mean, I-- I might. I haven't been to a doctor in years.

Well, that can't be good.

Listen, punk. Once a year,

I tell Wes that I have a doctor's appointment,

and then I walk over to Central Park, and I sit by the sailboats,

and I eat two ice cream sundaes, and I scream at the birds.

You can skip the appointment. I won't say anything.

I can't cancel. Your dad already paid for it.

Oh. Yeah, sorry.

This was supposed to be my one respite

from this taxing and thankless job,

and you stole that from me.

Thanks a lot, asshole.

-[cases clattering] -Okay.

[AJ] I'm gonna print that out again because they're not wrong.

-And then these numbers-- -[Bill] Hey.

-Hey. -We need a new model on page seven.

-[notebook dropping] -Sure, right. Anything else?

I mean, once it's done, you can make copies for the team.

Okay.

[phone dings]

[Davis] Could you meet me outside at the big bench?

Hey.

Thanks for meeting me.

I feel like I owe you an explanation.

Why did you act that way? It's so psycho.

So, I met Madison as a summer intern,

and I thought she was so pretty and nice.

And so, I pursued her really hard.

And it wasn't until I closed the deal

-that I decided I wanted out. -[sighs]

You hear yourself, right?

-Oh, God, I do. -Mm-hmm.

None of that sounded good, did it?

-Ugh. -Mm.

Yeah, I'm-- I'm starting to realize

that I might focus so much on getting people to like me

that I don't even stop to think if I like them first.

-You've done this before? -Oh, big time.

Yeah, but only because I wanted

-to just, like, get to the part... -[sighs]

...where I had a serious girlfriend.

[sighs] I guess I get that.

I mean, are you ever like that too?

No. The opposite.

I think every guy sucks,

and then I'm suddenly surprised when someone is great.

And sometimes that surprise doesn't even go anywhere.

Ah.

I guess Madison is owed an apology?

Yeah.

And you'll, like, do that for me? You'll just tell her about all this stuff

-and, uh-- -Davis!

Yeah.

What are you on the fence about? This could be your big break.

I know, it's just Austin said he'd only introduce me to his agent

if I also did him a favor.

Sleep with him? Do it.

What? No, no. He's super into Abby,

and he wants me to talk him up.

-I'm torn. -Dude, it's pretty obvious.

Put in a good word for him, get an agent, get famous. Easy.

-I agree. -[Kel] What?

Davis, you're always team love.

In this case, I am team have a famous friend

who can get me a table at the club.

Kel, this is a big opportunity.

What about your career, your parents, your dream?

And don't forget the club.

Yeah, I don't like standing at the club.

I want that table Davis mentioned.

Okay, fine, fine. You're right.

I will tell Abby she should date Austin,

a rich movie star who seems completely wrong for her,

but will sweep her off her feet and she'll forget all about me.

Yes, and it won't matter, because you'll be a star.

Surrounded by a ton of hotties,

-three of whom will become our wives. -Ah!

-Cheers. -Cheers.

[computer keys clacking]

Vanessa, I need to talk.

Abby, I know you styled Austin.

You do?

Yeah, well, I mean, I wanted to know who styled him,

so I went online, I did a little digging,

and I saw that a UConn sophomore named Nitya Chilukuri

tagged him in a post that said, "I can't believe my cousin

dressed Austin Blanchett."

-Oh, no. -Oh, yes.

And I wondered, who could Nitya Chilukuri's cousin be?

Hmm. Hmm.

-Hmm. -Okay. Okay.

Vanessa, I'm so sorry.

-I didn't plan to-- -To steal a client?

People do it. I just didn't think you would.

It's fine. Really.

Good luck.

[computer keys clacking]

Thank you again. For everything.

[computer keys continue clacking]

[knocking "Shave and a Haircut"]

-Hi. -Hey.

-What's up? -Uh, well, I just wanted to say thank you

for setting up that meeting with Austin.

Yeah, of course. How did it go?

-Uh, good! -Yeah?

I-In fact, I wanted to tell you that Austin

is a-- is a great, um...

...actor! [chuckles]

And I don't think he can help me get an agent,

but he did inspire me to take an acting class.

Aw. I'm sorry.

I'm sure you will find another way to get what you want.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right.

-Well, goodnight, Abby. -Goodnight, Kel.

Couldn't do it?

Couldn't do it.

Love always wins.

[clicking tongue] Yeah, I sure hope so.

Come on. Let's get you in here, big guy.

Hey, Abs, just making sure you're still alive

and Vanessa didn't kill you.

Oh, and, uh, the thing with Bill

was a one-off, which is for the best.

W-Work relationships are too messy.

It's smart that we pretend like it never even happened.

-[sighs] -[Bill] Pascarelli.

Bill? What are you doing here?

I have a standing reservation at Royal Bangladesh.

-Really? -No.

No.

[sighs] We should talk about the other night.

Sure. Right.

So, obviously, we're coworkers and colleagues.

And what happened was a mistake.

I don't think it was a mistake.

I mean, pretty fucking stupid to do at work,

but not a mistake.

[♪ uplifting music playing]

[chuckles]

Come with me.

[♪ uplifting music continues playing]

[voice] Go to bed.