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From the moment we're born, we're all
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From the moment we're born, we're all
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From the moment we're born, we're all
trying to define ourselves, who our
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trying to define ourselves, who our
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trying to define ourselves, who our
friends are, what we believe in. Which
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friends are, what we believe in. Which
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friends are, what we believe in. Which
side is our good side? But what if you
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side is our good side? But what if you
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side is our good side? But what if you
have no beliefs, no friends, and no good
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have no beliefs, no friends, and no good
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have no beliefs, no friends, and no good
side? This is the daily showgraphy of
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side? This is the daily showgraphy of
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side? This is the daily showgraphy of
Mark Zuckerberg. Human status update.
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Mark Zuckerberg. Human status update.
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Mark Zuckerberg. Human status update.
Even before he was out of beta, Mark
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Even before he was out of beta, Mark
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Even before he was out of beta, Mark
Zuckerberg had amassed numerous adorable
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Zuckerberg had amassed numerous adorable
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Zuckerberg had amassed numerous adorable
photos that would make his profile seem
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photos that would make his profile seem
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photos that would make his profile seem
less like a sociopath. By the age of 12,
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less like a sociopath. By the age of 12,
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less like a sociopath. By the age of 12,
he displayed a gift for computer
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he displayed a gift for computer
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he displayed a gift for computer
programming, a skill that took him to
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programming, a skill that took him to
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programming, a skill that took him to
Harvard University, that revered bastion
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Harvard University, that revered bastion
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Harvard University, that revered bastion
of high achieving lonely boys. And he
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of high achieving lonely boys. And he
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of high achieving lonely boys. And he
could not have been happier.
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could not have been happier.
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could not have been happier.
>> Yay.
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>> Yay.
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>> Yay.
>> What?
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>> What?
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>> What?
>> I got accepted.
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>> I got accepted.
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>> I got accepted.
>> Are you serious?
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>> Are you serious?
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>> Are you serious?
>> Yeah.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
>> YES.
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>> YES.
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>> YES.
>> It was at Harvard in 2004 that Mark
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>> It was at Harvard in 2004 that Mark
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>> It was at Harvard in 2004 that Mark
would create the Facebook.
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would create the Facebook.
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would create the Facebook.
>> This was in your dorm room? Yeah, you
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>> This was in your dorm room? Yeah, you
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>> This was in your dorm room? Yeah, you
launch Facebook in your dorm room.
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launch Facebook in your dorm room.
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launch Facebook in your dorm room.
>> Yeah,
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>> Yeah,
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>> Yeah,
>> the website was an instant smash for
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>> the website was an instant smash for
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>> the website was an instant smash for
reasons even Mark sometimes didn't seem
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reasons even Mark sometimes didn't seem
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reasons even Mark sometimes didn't seem
to understand.
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to understand.
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to understand.
>> There's this feature called poking where
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>> There's this feature called poking where
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>> There's this feature called poking where
you just go to someone's profile and you
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you just go to someone's profile and you
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you just go to someone's profile and you
could poke the person. Like, what does
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could poke the person. Like, what does
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could poke the person. Like, what does
that do? Nothing. I mean, it's like, I
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that do? Nothing. I mean, it's like, I
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that do? Nothing. I mean, it's like, I
thought about it when I was drunk.
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thought about it when I was drunk.
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thought about it when I was drunk.
>> While his DMs calling his fellow
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>> While his DMs calling his fellow
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>> While his DMs calling his fellow
students dumb for trusting him with
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students dumb for trusting him with
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students dumb for trusting him with
their data wouldn't come out until years
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their data wouldn't come out until years
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their data wouldn't come out until years
later, Facebook's rise wasn't without
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later, Facebook's rise wasn't without
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later, Facebook's rise wasn't without
controversy. a drama immortalized in the
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controversy. a drama immortalized in the
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controversy. a drama immortalized in the
social network. And rather than recap
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social network. And rather than recap
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social network. And rather than recap
this period, let's just watch it real
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this period, let's just watch it real
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this period, let's just watch it real
quick.
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>> Done. Wow, those army hammers are going
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>> Done. Wow, those army hammers are going
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>> Done. Wow, those army hammers are going
to be working forever. Like all
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to be working forever. Like all
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to be working forever. Like all
Hollywood stories, some details were
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Hollywood stories, some details were
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Hollywood stories, some details were
exaggerated. Mark wasn't as cool as the
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exaggerated. Mark wasn't as cool as the
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exaggerated. Mark wasn't as cool as the
movie made him seem.
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movie made him seem.
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movie made him seem.
>> Did I adequately answer your
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>> Did I adequately answer your
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>> Did I adequately answer your
condescending question?
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condescending question?
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condescending question?
>> But he also wasn't as lame either. that
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>> But he also wasn't as lame either. that
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>> But he also wasn't as lame either. that
stupid movie. The whole narrative arc
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stupid movie. The whole narrative arc
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stupid movie. The whole narrative arc
around my motivations. It's like I'm
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around my motivations. It's like I'm
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around my motivations. It's like I'm
like somehow motivated by trying to find
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like somehow motivated by trying to find
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like somehow motivated by trying to find
a girlfriend. It's like I was dating
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a girlfriend. It's like I was dating
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a girlfriend. It's like I was dating
Priscilla before I started Facebook.
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Priscilla before I started Facebook.
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Priscilla before I started Facebook.
>> Yes, the media spotlight forced
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>> Yes, the media spotlight forced
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>> Yes, the media spotlight forced
Zuckerberg to bravely confess the truth
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Zuckerberg to bravely confess the truth
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Zuckerberg to bravely confess the truth
that he totally boned in college. But
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that he totally boned in college. But
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that he totally boned in college. But
after the movie, Zuckerberg realized
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after the movie, Zuckerberg realized
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after the movie, Zuckerberg realized
that he needed a more adult update to
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that he needed a more adult update to
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that he needed a more adult update to
his public profile, something manly. The
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his public profile, something manly. The
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his public profile, something manly. The
27-year-old founder of Facebook now says
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27-year-old founder of Facebook now says
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27-year-old founder of Facebook now says
he is only going to eat meat from
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he is only going to eat meat from
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he is only going to eat meat from
animals that he personally kills.
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animals that he personally kills.
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animals that he personally kills.
>> Revealed, of course, in a posting on
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>> Revealed, of course, in a posting on
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>> Revealed, of course, in a posting on
Facebook that said, "I just killed a pig
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Facebook that said, "I just killed a pig
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Facebook that said, "I just killed a pig
and a goat."
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and a goat."
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and a goat."
>> Zuckerberg was upgrading everything. He
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>> Zuckerberg was upgrading everything. He
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>> Zuckerberg was upgrading everything. He
learned Chinese.
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>> He tried his hand at comedy. Come on, I
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>> He tried his hand at comedy. Come on, I
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>> He tried his hand at comedy. Come on, I
invented poking.
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invented poking.
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invented poking.
>> He got new friends and a new wardrobe.
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>> He got new friends and a new wardrobe.
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>> He got new friends and a new wardrobe.
My name is Barack Obama and I'm the guy
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My name is Barack Obama and I'm the guy
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My name is Barack Obama and I'm the guy
who got Mark to wear a jacket and tie.
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who got Mark to wear a jacket and tie.
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who got Mark to wear a jacket and tie.
>> Andy updated his relationship status,
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>> Andy updated his relationship status,
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>> Andy updated his relationship status,
marrying the girl he was totally hooking
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marrying the girl he was totally hooking
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marrying the girl he was totally hooking
up with in college, no matter what that
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up with in college, no matter what that
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up with in college, no matter what that
stupid movie said.
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stupid movie said.
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stupid movie said.
>> You're going to go through life thinking
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>> You're going to go through life thinking
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>> You're going to go through life thinking
that girls don't like you because you're
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that girls don't like you because you're
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that girls don't like you because you're
a nerd. That won't be true. It'll be
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a nerd. That won't be true. It'll be
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a nerd. That won't be true. It'll be
because you're an [\h__\h]
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because you're an [\h__\h]
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because you're an [\h__\h]
>> Who's the [\h__\h] now? Girl, that
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>> Who's the [\h__\h] now? Girl, that
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>> Who's the [\h__\h] now? Girl, that
doesn't exist. But Zuckerberg's biggest
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doesn't exist. But Zuckerberg's biggest
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doesn't exist. But Zuckerberg's biggest
update was changing from a guy who
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update was changing from a guy who
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update was changing from a guy who
builds companies to a guy who buys them
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builds companies to a guy who buys them
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builds companies to a guy who buys them
because you can't put a price on success
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because you can't put a price on success
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because you can't put a price on success
until you can. No longer the college kid
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until you can. No longer the college kid
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until you can. No longer the college kid
who just wanted to take personal data
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who just wanted to take personal data
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who just wanted to take personal data
from dumb, Zuckerberg assured the public
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from dumb, Zuckerberg assured the public
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from dumb, Zuckerberg assured the public
that the new mature Facebook would be a
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that the new mature Facebook would be a
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that the new mature Facebook would be a
force for good in the world.
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force for good in the world.
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force for good in the world.
>> I hear fearful voices calling for
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>> I hear fearful voices calling for
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>> I hear fearful voices calling for
building walls and distancing people
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building walls and distancing people
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building walls and distancing people
they label as others. For blocking free
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they label as others. For blocking free
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they label as others. For blocking free
expression, for slowing immigration. It
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expression, for slowing immigration. It
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expression, for slowing immigration. It
takes courage to choose hope over fear.
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takes courage to choose hope over fear.
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takes courage to choose hope over fear.
>> This Mark would be a man of conscience,
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>> This Mark would be a man of conscience,
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>> This Mark would be a man of conscience,
not afraid to exile Donald Trump for
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not afraid to exile Donald Trump for
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not afraid to exile Donald Trump for
spreading lies. Reborn as a liberal
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spreading lies. Reborn as a liberal
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spreading lies. Reborn as a liberal
hero, his new friend group would be
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hero, his new friend group would be
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hero, his new friend group would be
everyone on Earth. No one would ever be
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everyone on Earth. No one would ever be
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everyone on Earth. No one would ever be
mad at him ever again. This is CNN
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mad at him ever again. This is CNN
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mad at him ever again. This is CNN
breaking news.
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breaking news.
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breaking news.
>> International outrage about a data
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>> International outrage about a data
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>> International outrage about a data
analytics firm that harvested
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analytics firm that harvested
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analytics firm that harvested
information from Facebook.
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information from Facebook.
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information from Facebook.
>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
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>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
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>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
Her new mission is to bring the world
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Her new mission is to bring the world
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Her new mission is to bring the world
closer together.
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closer together.
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closer together.
>> Instead of everybody's pal, he would now
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>> Instead of everybody's pal, he would now
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>> Instead of everybody's pal, he would now
be their science fiction overlord. For
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be their science fiction overlord. For
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be their science fiction overlord. For
Zuckerberg had become so powerful, the
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Zuckerberg had become so powerful, the
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Zuckerberg had become so powerful, the
bounds of the physical world could no
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bounds of the physical world could no
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bounds of the physical world could no
longer contain him. I am proud to
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longer contain him. I am proud to
235
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longer contain him. I am proud to
announce that starting today, our
236
00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:19,199
announce that starting today, our
237
00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:23,270
announce that starting today, our
company is now meta. From now on, we're
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00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:23,280
company is now meta. From now on, we're
239
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,110
company is now meta. From now on, we're
going to be metaverse first, not
240
00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:25,120
going to be metaverse first, not
241
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,950
going to be metaverse first, not
Facebook first. There was no doubt in
242
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:26,960
Facebook first. There was no doubt in
243
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,870
Facebook first. There was no doubt in
Zuckerberg's mind that the metaverse
244
00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:28,880
Zuckerberg's mind that the metaverse
245
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:29,990
Zuckerberg's mind that the metaverse
would have legs.
246
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:30,000
would have legs.
247
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,830
would have legs.
>> Legs.
248
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:31,840
>> Legs.
249
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:32,629
>> Legs.
legs.
250
00:04:32,629 --> 00:04:32,639
legs.
251
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,189
legs.
>> Truly, the future had arrived.
252
00:04:35,189 --> 00:04:35,199
>> Truly, the future had arrived.
253
00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:36,550
>> Truly, the future had arrived.
>> Three years later,
254
00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:36,560
>> Three years later,
255
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,870
>> Three years later,
>> Meta is announcing the shutdown of
256
00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:38,880
>> Meta is announcing the shutdown of
257
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:43,110
>> Meta is announcing the shutdown of
Metaverse after pouring $80 billion into
258
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:43,120
Metaverse after pouring $80 billion into
259
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:43,909
Metaverse after pouring $80 billion into
the project.
260
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:43,919
the project.
261
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the project.
>> Good lord.
262
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:44,560
>> Good lord.
263
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,950
>> Good lord.
>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
264
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:46,960
>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
265
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,510
>> And that's over. Time for a new update.
>> We have been working on glasses for more
266
00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:49,520
>> We have been working on glasses for more
267
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,030
>> We have been working on glasses for more
than 10 years at Meta. This is Meta
268
00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:53,040
than 10 years at Meta. This is Meta
269
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,510
than 10 years at Meta. This is Meta
Rayban display. So, I think our call
270
00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:55,520
Rayban display. So, I think our call
271
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,629
Rayban display. So, I think our call
will be coming in any moment now. Um,
272
00:04:58,629 --> 00:04:58,639
will be coming in any moment now. Um,
273
00:04:58,639 --> 00:05:01,990
will be coming in any moment now. Um,
>> pause WhatsApp video call. There we go.
274
00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:02,000
>> pause WhatsApp video call. There we go.
275
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:08,710
>> pause WhatsApp video call. There we go.
Uh oh.
276
00:05:08,710 --> 00:05:08,720
277
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,870
All right, try it again. I keep on
278
00:05:10,870 --> 00:05:10,880
All right, try it again. I keep on
279
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,390
All right, try it again. I keep on
messing this up.
280
00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:14,400
281
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,909
>> I don't know what to tell you guys.
282
00:05:15,909 --> 00:05:15,919
>> I don't know what to tell you guys.
283
00:05:15,919 --> 00:05:17,430
>> I don't know what to tell you guys.
>> You don't have to tell us anything.
284
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:17,440
>> You don't have to tell us anything.
285
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,070
>> You don't have to tell us anything.
These AI glasses sell themselves. And
286
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:20,080
These AI glasses sell themselves. And
287
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,909
These AI glasses sell themselves. And
once again, Zuckerberg's corporate
288
00:05:21,909 --> 00:05:21,919
once again, Zuckerberg's corporate
289
00:05:21,919 --> 00:05:23,749
once again, Zuckerberg's corporate
update came with a physical one.
290
00:05:23,749 --> 00:05:23,759
update came with a physical one.
291
00:05:23,759 --> 00:05:25,430
update came with a physical one.
>> When you walked in here today, you look
292
00:05:25,430 --> 00:05:25,440
>> When you walked in here today, you look
293
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,749
>> When you walked in here today, you look
thicker. You look like a different guy.
294
00:05:27,749 --> 00:05:27,759
thicker. You look like a different guy.
295
00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:29,350
thicker. You look like a different guy.
You do. You look like a jiu-jitsu guy
296
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:29,360
You do. You look like a jiu-jitsu guy
297
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,870
You do. You look like a jiu-jitsu guy
now. I saw your neck. I'm like, his
298
00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:30,880
now. I saw your neck. I'm like, his
299
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,950
now. I saw your neck. I'm like, his
neck's bigger. Your neck is bigger. How
300
00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:32,960
neck's bigger. Your neck is bigger. How
301
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,230
neck's bigger. Your neck is bigger. How
about I drink a very large amount of
302
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:34,240
about I drink a very large amount of
303
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,830
about I drink a very large amount of
protein? I would creatine.
304
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:35,840
protein? I would creatine.
305
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,390
protein? I would creatine.
>> Yeah. A gold chain crushing brew dogs
306
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:38,400
>> Yeah. A gold chain crushing brew dogs
307
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,390
>> Yeah. A gold chain crushing brew dogs
while wake surfing and jamming with his
308
00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:40,400
while wake surfing and jamming with his
309
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,150
while wake surfing and jamming with his
good and probably well compensated
310
00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:42,160
good and probably well compensated
311
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,590
good and probably well compensated
friend tea.
312
00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:43,600
friend tea.
313
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,510
friend tea.
>> Oh, mother.
314
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:47,520
>> Oh, mother.
315
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,550
>> Oh, mother.
Godamn.
316
00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:48,560
Godamn.
317
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,950
Godamn.
>> It's not technically a midlife crisis if
318
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:50,960
>> It's not technically a midlife crisis if
319
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,070
>> It's not technically a midlife crisis if
you're going to live forever in the
320
00:05:52,070 --> 00:05:52,080
you're going to live forever in the
321
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,790
you're going to live forever in the
cloud. And naturally, this status update
322
00:05:54,790 --> 00:05:54,800
cloud. And naturally, this status update
323
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,270
cloud. And naturally, this status update
came with a political reawakening, too.
324
00:05:57,270 --> 00:05:57,280
came with a political reawakening, too.
325
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,189
came with a political reawakening, too.
masculine energy, I think, is good.
326
00:05:59,189 --> 00:05:59,199
masculine energy, I think, is good.
327
00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,510
masculine energy, I think, is good.
Having a culture that like celebrates
328
00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:01,520
Having a culture that like celebrates
329
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,390
Having a culture that like celebrates
the aggression a bit more has its own
330
00:06:04,390 --> 00:06:04,400
the aggression a bit more has its own
331
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:05,189
the aggression a bit more has its own
merits.
332
00:06:05,189 --> 00:06:05,199
merits.
333
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,670
merits.
>> That's right. Welcome back, Donald
334
00:06:07,670 --> 00:06:07,680
>> That's right. Welcome back, Donald
335
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:08,150
>> That's right. Welcome back, Donald
Trump.
336
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:08,160
Trump.
337
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,749
Trump.
>> I think President Trump just wants
338
00:06:09,749 --> 00:06:09,759
>> I think President Trump just wants
339
00:06:09,759 --> 00:06:10,710
>> I think President Trump just wants
America to win.
340
00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:10,720
America to win.
341
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,029
America to win.
>> Seeing Donald Trump get up after getting
342
00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:13,039
>> Seeing Donald Trump get up after getting
343
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:16,309
>> Seeing Donald Trump get up after getting
shot in the face and pump his fist in
344
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:16,319
shot in the face and pump his fist in
345
00:06:16,319 --> 00:06:18,309
shot in the face and pump his fist in
the air is one of the most badass things
346
00:06:18,309 --> 00:06:18,319
the air is one of the most badass things
347
00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:20,230
the air is one of the most badass things
I've ever seen in my life. But an
348
00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:20,240
I've ever seen in my life. But an
349
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,909
I've ever seen in my life. But an
innovator like Mark Zuckerberg will
350
00:06:21,909 --> 00:06:21,919
innovator like Mark Zuckerberg will
351
00:06:21,919 --> 00:06:24,230
innovator like Mark Zuckerberg will
never truly settle down, and we can only
352
00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:24,240
never truly settle down, and we can only
353
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,390
never truly settle down, and we can only
look forward to more delicious status
354
00:06:26,390 --> 00:06:26,400
look forward to more delicious status
355
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,590
look forward to more delicious status
updates to come.
356
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:27,600
updates to come.
357
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,909
updates to come.
>> If I'm ever done with meta, I'm going to
358
00:06:29,909 --> 00:06:29,919
>> If I'm ever done with meta, I'm going to
359
00:06:29,919 --> 00:06:31,830
>> If I'm ever done with meta, I'm going to
run Mark's Meats.
360
00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:31,840
run Mark's Meats.
361
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,870
run Mark's Meats.
>> M Imagine some smoked meats.
362
00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:34,880
>> M Imagine some smoked meats.
363
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,629
>> M Imagine some smoked meats.
>> Yeah. If there's one thing about Mark
364
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:36,639
>> Yeah. If there's one thing about Mark
365
00:06:36,639 --> 00:06:38,710
>> Yeah. If there's one thing about Mark
that never changes, it's believing that
366
00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:38,720
that never changes, it's believing that
367
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,350
that never changes, it's believing that
no matter what dumb idea he has next,
368
00:06:41,350 --> 00:06:41,360
no matter what dumb idea he has next,
369
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:47,080
no matter what dumb idea he has next,
people will swallow it. Eat up, dumb.
32073
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