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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,880 ('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME) 3 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,320 (THEME MUSIC CONTINUES) 4 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,080 I really shouldn't have to say this, guys, 5 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,240 but pepper spray is for self-defence in the line of duty; 6 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,240 it is not for spraying on your lunch. 7 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,800 OK? OK, everyone? 8 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:46,760 Pepper spray is for assailants' eyes, not for pies. 9 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,280 Everyone. Pepper spray is for... 10 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,800 ALL: ...assailants' eyes, not for pies. 11 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,000 Ka pai. 12 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,800 Parker. What's wrong with your eyes, Parker? 13 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,600 I― Yeah, I was just really moved by your speech, Sarge. It... 14 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:04,840 I guess it's really clear that you really love your police work and you really care about our safety. 15 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,120 Mm. 16 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,600 Parker, did you ingest your pepper spray? 17 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,680 I put some on my chilli con carne, but I had the nozzle in the wrong direction. 18 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:17,480 And did you happen to share some of your lunch with Officer Royle back there? 19 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,320 She asked, and I guess I'm just generous to a fault. 20 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:23,760 It's not generosity that's at fault here; it's stupidity. 21 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,760 Let that be a lesson to the rest of you. 22 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:31,240 Moving right along. A huge heist was pulled off in the suburbs of Mount Victoria and Roseneath, 23 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,920 centred around the summit of Matairangi. 24 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,960 A massive amount of obsolete electronics were stolen, 25 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:42,560 including but not limited to some computer mouses, or mice, 26 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,180 a 2010 model Compaq Presario, 27 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,430 a fax machine, 28 00:01:48,457 --> 00:01:52,697 rather large amount of flip phones― remember those? Remember how cool you felt, huh? 29 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,680 Flip. 'Hello. How are you?' Back-flip. End of conversation. 30 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,800 Well, those are becoming cool again. Trust me. 31 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:02,680 A rather large amount of used vape pens ― unhygienic ― 32 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,280 and several drones that some kids got for Christmas. 33 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,680 Now, does anybody have any information pertaining to this case? 34 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,160 Yes? My brother, Adam, vapes. 35 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,000 And? Um, 36 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,800 it's got an extremely invasive aroma. 37 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,200 It's not very nice. Does that pertain to this case? 38 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,000 SOFTLY: Does it? 39 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,880 Um, well, indirectly. Um, obviously, he's― Very indirectly. 40 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,280 I'd say very, very indirectly. It's practically unrelated. 41 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,520 It's wasting police time. Even though we are the police? 42 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:42,240 Yeah. You're wasting your own time ― and your wasting everybody's time in here, because we're all police. 43 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,240 Dismissed. Thank you. 44 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,200 Somebody please help Parker. 45 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,200 Thank you. 46 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,640 Watch out for the― (THUD!) Ouch. (GROANS) 47 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,640 Yep. 48 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,960 OK, listen to this ― 49 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:03,960 hundreds of burglaries all occurring around the same time, all happening in the Mount Victoria area. 50 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,320 Now, this is theft on an unprecedented scale. 51 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,480 This is a huge case, guys. I'm gonna need your complete and undivided attention on this― 52 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,680 That's my mum's house. Where? Hang on. Where? (KEYS CLACK) 53 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,440 Right in the middle, here. This one here? That bit of gr― 54 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,200 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's the one. OK. Good to know. 55 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,160 Uh, back to the case now. (KEYS CLACK) 56 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,120 All right, now, this is a highly unusual detail. 57 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,280 Have a look at the pattern of the thefts. Night one. 58 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:29,560 OK? And― 59 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,560 OK, and night two... 60 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,840 Also ― boom. 61 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:38,000 Now, instead of the robberies occurring street by street, they're happening in waves, 62 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,520 in concentric circles, simultaneously. 63 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,600 Freaky. That is freaky, eh? It also seems highly organised. 64 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,280 Mm. But why would people go to the trouble of stealing used vape pens, 65 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,280 the only thing grosser than new vape pens? 66 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,840 All the technology seems to be between two and 20 years old. 67 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,960 So why would they take them? 68 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960 All suggestions are valid. And... go. 69 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,280 To build a doomsday weapon. To sell to Cash Converters. To throw it in the bin. 70 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,600 Cash Converters, to throw it away or a doomsday device. Um, let's go again. 71 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,160 And go. Alien technology. To make Christmas decorations? I reckon throw it in the bin. 72 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,240 All right. Christmas decorations ― yeah, great. 73 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,160 And, um, throw it away again. That's the same suggestion twice. 74 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,840 I have a suggestion, though. Mm-hm? 75 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,200 (IMITATES WHIRRING) Alien spacecraft. 76 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,760 Mm-hm. (IMITATES WHOOSHING) But this ― this is an escape pod. 77 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,080 Aliens ― far from home, no spare parts. Some kind of Mayday situation's come― 78 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,120 Some kind of malfunc― (GURGLES, SNARLS) 79 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,920 (IMITATES ALIEN STRUGGLING) Is he gonna be all right? 80 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:34,080 (GURGLES) Um, uh, yep. He should be. The medic is attending to him. 81 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,640 (BUZZES, IMITATES ALIEN LANGUAGE) 82 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,480 (GUTTURAL SNARLING) 83 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:43,440 And so they beam up all these old computers and old cell phones to repair their computers. 84 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,560 (IMITATES ALIEN LANGUAGE, WHIRRING) 85 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,920 (IMITATES ENGINE SEIZING) Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah. (THUNK!) 86 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,240 Well, I mean, why would they just be taking all the old stuff? 87 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,680 Uh, maybe it's some kind of old model ship ― uh, like a 2010 model. 88 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,080 And what about the vape pens? Uh, that would be for the exhaust-fume smoke 89 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,520 that comes out of the back, like (IMITATES EXHAUST HISSING). 90 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,640 Credit where credit's due ― you've given it some thought. 91 00:05:03,665 --> 00:05:07,695 One more detail ― this is based on computer simulation predicting the next wave 92 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,920 that will happen tonight. (KEY CLACKS) 93 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,400 That's getting really close to my mum's house. It is. 94 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:17,160 Should we be concerned? It'd be a good time to see your mum. 95 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,880 I don't understand why someone would take vape pens. 96 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,520 If we recover them, can I not touch them? Cos I think they're gross. 97 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,440 Why have you got such a thing about vape pens? 98 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,640 Cos my brother smokes 'em all over the house. You know Adam. 99 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,640 Yeah. Well, they stink. 100 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,160 Do you know he's got a tattoo of Mum's back on his face now? 101 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,800 What?! He's got a tattoo of your mum's back on his face? On his face. 102 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,320 Don't you mean the other way round? I wish I meant the other way round. 103 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,040 That's what he wanted, but he's a terrible communicator. 104 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,320 You'd think he would've said something when the tattoo artist started tattooing on his face. 105 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,640 I know what you mean, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know what Adam's like. 106 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,960 Yeah. But I still think he should've― When they had the needle 107 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,160 on his cheek, he should've said, 'Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!' 108 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,840 Completely agree. Yeah. 109 00:05:54,865 --> 00:05:58,455 Well, we agree to agree on that one. Well, yeah, absolutely, agree to agree. 110 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,240 We're here. 111 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,920 (TAPPING ON DOOR) Afternoon. 112 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,000 Come in, dear. Thank you. 113 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,440 Um, so, as I mentioned on the telephone, there's been a number of thefts in the area. 114 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,840 Well, it wasn't me, dear. Oh. No, no, no, we know that, um, 115 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,400 but we were hoping to use this house for a stakeout, Mrs O'Leary. Mm. 116 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,440 Just call me Mum, dear. SOFTLY: Oh, yeah. 117 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,960 Um, Mum, could you just call me Officer O'Leary? Just, you know, in front of the cameras? 118 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,160 Cos... professional. All right, sweetheart. 119 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,920 Yeah, what she's trying to say, Mrs Mum, is that we just wanna use your house 120 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,880 as a base for our stakeout we're planning. It's not 'Mrs Mum'. 121 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,680 We'll just call you Mum. It's just easier. We'll― Mum. 122 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,400 Yeah. Mum. What are they stealing? 123 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,680 It's old― Any old electronics, really. Mm. 124 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,040 Old cell phones, even vape pens. 125 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,840 Yeah. You don't vape, do you, Mrs Mum? No. 126 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,960 Never vaped, and I never smoked. No. No. 127 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,560 Screwdriver was my vice. Oh. 128 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:50,400 Oh, I remember ― the first time I drank screwdriver, oh God, I was sick as a dog. 129 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,320 Mm. Would you like a drink now, dear? 130 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,600 Oh. We're... Oh, well, I'm tempted after that description, 131 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,120 but maybe not just yet. We're on duty, and... 132 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,800 Yes, no, fair enough. Maybe on the weekend. 133 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,800 You know, I think I've got one of your old cell phones in the drawer here. 134 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,240 Hang on. I'll just get that out. Let's see if I can find it. 135 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,160 There it is. Look at that. 136 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,120 Lovely shade of blue it was, too. Mm. 137 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:12,240 Oh, she loved that phone when we got it for her. Loved it. Couldn't get it in pink, but she loved it. 138 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:16,440 She was on it for hours and hours. At night-time, she used to put it under the covers, 139 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,080 and I'd go past and see the light coming out from under the sheets. Huh. 140 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,280 She played that game Snake on it. I remember that one. Yeah,... 141 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,960 Yeah. ...she just couldn't get off it. Addicted to it, she was. 142 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,400 Mm. I believe that's what made her a little bit frightened of men. 143 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,360 OK, Mrs― uh, Mum. OK, Mum. Symbolic. 144 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,320 Oh, that's not the O'Leary I know. She's not scared of men at all, 145 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,440 and I've seen her take down some massive men. 146 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,080 Huge men. No, well, I'm not talking about that sort of frightening. 147 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,720 There was never any boyfriends around. 148 00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:47,095 Not me, some boys used to come past here on a cars and toot and everything at me... 149 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,240 Oh yeah? ...and try to get me to go to the cinema with them, and the milk bar. 150 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,480 (CHUCKLES) We didn't have any mobile phones then. 151 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,280 I-I'm not that they're interested in those, uh... those details, Mum. 152 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,280 Oh. All right, then, Officer Sugar Bum Fairy. 153 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,520 (CHUCKLES) She's never called me that before. 154 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,760 Yes, I used to call her that all the time. Did you? 155 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,640 When she was a little girl, I used to make little hot chocolates and fluffies for her,... 156 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,840 Mmm. ...and she had pink marshmallows. 157 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,320 Everything had to be pink ― little tutu, a little tiara. 158 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,640 Everything was pink. Mum, that... that was Brendan. 159 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,600 Was it? Yeah. 160 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,440 No, I'm sure it was you, dear. You look like Brendan. 161 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,960 Yeah. Well, we're brother and sister. 162 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,120 Mm. That's right. Yeah. 163 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,200 Well, she looks more like Brendan now. 164 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,920 This is her room. Oh, look, it's still the same! 165 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:31,840 And there's your softball glove. Oh, you were hell-bent on using that all the time, weren't you? 166 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,880 And the softball girls used to come round. 167 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,480 DARKLY: And there's the tower. 168 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,480 (SINISTER MUSIC) 169 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:40,120 170 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,680 So, uh, we're here on the stakeout. Mm. We love it. 171 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,400 That's correct. We do. We love it. 172 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,080 Um, we've placed cell phones all around the house from the unclaimed lost property. 173 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,320 Uh, it's an awesome plan that we've put into place. 174 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:53,040 Um, it's our plan. We came up with it. 175 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,920 Mm. And we're on high alert, 176 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,680 so if any unusual activity does happen, we're ready to respond. Mm. 177 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,960 (CELL PHONE BUZZES LOUDLY) 178 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,080 SOFTLY: O'Leary, your phone's vibrating. 179 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:10,120 When was the last time you charged it? Well, about 13 years ago. 180 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:14,400 Aren't the batteries on those things unbelievable? (PHONE CLATTERS) 181 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,400 (BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ) 182 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,480 (BUZZ!) 183 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,680 (RAPID BUZZING, CELL PHONES RING SHRILLY) 184 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:24,240 Does that strike you as unusual, O'Leary? Um, yes, it does. 185 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,760 It is not. (BUZZING CONTINUES, CELL PHONES BEEP) 186 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,920 They're all... They're all connecting. 187 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,440 I'm not intimidated, um, or worried, really. 188 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,000 It's playing the game Snake, Minogue. That's exactly like Snake. 189 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,120 Well, how do you beat the snake? 190 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,120 Well, if the snake touches itself, then it dies. 191 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,160 Touches itself? No, I'm not getting involved in that. 192 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:50,400 No, if the head touches its body. Well, which part's the head? Well, the bit at the front. 193 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,600 Yeah, no, I'm gonna outsmart it. How? 194 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,200 Yeah, you're right. I'll just tase it instead. 195 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,040 Well, just remember that never seems to go very well. (TASER CLATTERS) 196 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,440 It's taken the Taser, O'Leary. It's taken the Taser. 197 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,200 OK, well, that's not optimum, is it? Make it touch itself! 198 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,400 Out the way! Out the way! Move! 199 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,360 I'm gonna do the splits like Jean Claude Van Damme in Timecop. We have to retrieve the Taser! 200 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,400 I don't have the flexibility! What's the racket going on here, darling? 201 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,480 Nothing, Mum. It doesn't look like nothing to me. 202 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,680 It looks like cell phones have turned into a snake and now it's got your gun thingy! 203 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:18,320 No, look, it's under control! It's totally under control. 204 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,680 Look! Look! It's goin' out the dog door. It's goin' out the dog door! 205 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,800 Oh my God! All the neighbours are up. Oh... 206 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,560 (CAT YOWLS) Oh, it's got the cat! It's got the cat! 207 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,840 (WOMAN SCREAMS) Oh, now they've got the neighbour. 208 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,280 My God. Oh, I'm going back to bed. 209 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,920 Go. Go. Go, go, go, go, go! Requesting backup. 210 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,000 In pursuit of a snake that's made out of old cell phones. 211 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,280 It's also commandeered a police Taser. 212 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,480 (WHIRRING) 213 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,360 In police training, you learn how to deal with every situation, 214 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,760 but I think I must've been sick on this day. 215 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:52,440 It's a robot made out of phones, and it's listening to music. (FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ON HEADPHONES) 216 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,240 (TYRES SQUEAL) What music's it listening to? 217 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,800 What's that? (ROBOT WHIRRS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) 218 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,000 Sir! Come down from there! 219 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,600 Hey, that camera's stolen property ― as is your entire body! 220 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:12,960 It would appear that obsolete electronic devices have been moving of their own accord 221 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:17,600 and combining to form robots here in the Mount Victoria-Matairangi area. 222 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,120 Uh, we have no reason to believe, though, that they are dangerous, 223 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,040 and, uh, our officers are on top of things. 224 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,040 Oof. Aargh! (GROANS) 225 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,840 Get out of it! Off! Off! Uh, update ― 226 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,800 they appear to be indeed dangerous, and, uh... Get off! Get off! Get off! 227 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,200 Get away! Get away! Oh! Oh, holy hika! 228 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,320 (GRUNTS) Um, we would strongly recommend that people stay indoors 229 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,040 and away from old cell phones or electronic... Stay. Stay! Stay! 230 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,760 ...appliances in general until further notice. Sarge! 231 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,640 I-I'd better... Sarge, you coming? Sarge? 232 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,040 Hey! Hey, hey! Argh! Look over here! 233 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,920 (TASER ZAPS, CRACKLES) Look over here! Get― (GROANS) 234 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,320 Oh. Desist that! Stop tasing my officer! 235 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,840 O'Leary! Oi― (YELPS) 236 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,480 They completely ignore human rules. It's like they've got their own robot laws. 237 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,880 (SCRAPING, SQUEAKING) Computer mouses? Mice? 238 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,440 What am I meant to do with that? I mean, is that a crime? 239 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,800 I'm asking you guys. Is that a crime? I wanna know. PANTS: Minogue! 240 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,320 O'Leary. I've just been assaulted by a cell phone robot. 241 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,160 Well, why didn't you call me for backup? I did. 242 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,280 Oh, yeah. Well, I turned it off, cos I don't trust it. 243 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,000 Then maybe don't turn around, but I think you're gonna have to. 244 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,000 (SINISTER MUSIC) 245 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,800 (STEAM HISSES) A vape-pen robot. 246 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,080 Seems like it's... like it's looking at you. 247 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,200 Yeah, I was thinking that, but it's got no eyes. 248 00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:28,455 But it's definitely looking more at you than it is at me. It must know you hate vaping. 249 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,120 (CELL PHONE CHIMES) Where's it going? 250 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,560 Dunno. In pursuit? 251 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:36,200 Nah, nah. Looks like it's all right. It knows where it's going. Let's go on. 252 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,200 Scanning. I've lost visual, Minogue. Scan the perimeter. 253 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,320 Have you got a visual? They seem to have disappeared. MAAKA: Ah, officers. 254 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,640 How are we handling this situation? Uh, well, we're a bit stressed. 255 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,120 All right. We're wondering what the heck is going on, to be honest, Sarge. 256 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,520 OK. Uh, I've got a theory about that. 257 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:54,240 This is Ben. He's part of the Technological Crimes Division. 258 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,720 They don't just hand those out. So, I asked Ben here ― 259 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,520 could it be possible that the microchips in the cell phones, 260 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:04,480 could they be communicating with each other and then combining to form more powerful supercomputers, 261 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:09,920 all right, and those supercomputers, having interacted with human beings over a long period of time, 262 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,840 they've, effectively, studied us, 263 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,320 and therefore, effectively, developed their own artificial intelligence, 264 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,000 becoming fully self-aware? Mm. 265 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,760 Now tell them exactly what you said to me. 266 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,880 Um, I said, 'Probably not.' 267 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,880 Which is basically the same thing as saying it's possible, yeah? 268 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,080 Which is the same as no. Y-Yeah, but... 269 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:30,480 OK, yes,... Yes. 270 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,360 ...but I was leading more towards no. Yes. 271 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,640 Yes, but― but when you lean― OK, when you lean towards no ― 272 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,800 here we go ― all of this is no, 273 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:43,440 but all of this is still yes, so there's room there, yeah? 274 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,440 Therefore, ipso facto, it's possible. 275 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,840 But why's it all happening up here? Exactly. 276 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,960 And where's all this power coming from? 277 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,560 OK, that ― that is a mysterious mystery. 278 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:56,560 Uh, it seems that the electronics have been combining as if they were magnetised. 279 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,840 Is that probably possible? 280 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,640 Yeah. Yeah. 281 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,440 So I want you two to find them. Let's go. 282 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,800 OK, you and I will, uh, hack the mainframe. Is-Is that something that you do? 283 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:07,960 284 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,880 (SIRENS WAIL) Got a visual on the robot, Minogue? 285 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,520 No visual. No visual on any robot. Over. 286 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,200 You know, you don't have to say 'over' when we're sitting right next to each other. 287 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,600 But how do you know it's over? 288 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,200 Minogue. Behind you! (YELPS) 289 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,120 (AIR HISSES) It's the vaping robot! (COUGHS) Oh God, it's horrible! 290 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,520 It's vaping us! I know! I can see it! I'll try and thin it out. 291 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,720 You're spreading it round! You're spreading it round! I'm thinning it out! 292 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,920 I'm thinning it out, O'Leary. You're not! You're spreading it round! 293 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,200 It's not as thick. Open the windows! 294 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,800 Use the button! Use the button! I can't find the button! 295 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,520 I can't do it; I'm driving the car! You know I can't remember where things are when I'm panicking! 296 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,840 It's like a fruit salad that's got diarrhoea! (COUGHS) 297 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,800 It's like, if potpourri vomited, this is what it would smell like. (BOTH COUGH) 298 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,840 Or like if a pineapple did a big fart right up your nose, it'd smell like this. 299 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,600 I can't see a thing. We're gonna crash. I can't see! 300 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:53,000 We're gonna crash! Crash is better than asphyxiated on this gross sugary aroma! 301 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,400 (CRASH! COUGHING, CHOKING) 302 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,440 Let me out! Exit the vehicle! Exiting vehicle! 303 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,320 (BOTH COUGH, RETCH) You all right? Not really. 304 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,480 Our jackets stink! (SNIFFS) It's like Tangy Fruits dipped in poo. 305 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,480 O'Leary. What? Look! 306 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,320 (COUGHS) It's heading for the tower. In pursuit. 307 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:16,720 Come on, gotta run! I'll fast-walk. I'll fast-walk. (BOTH PANT) 308 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,600 (WHIRRING) What are they doing, Minogue? 309 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,240 SOFTLY: Looks like they're havin' a little... conference. 310 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:26,200 What, a robot conference? Well, what other conference are they gonna have? 311 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,520 I think we'd better go and break it up. Go. 312 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,880 You gonna come? You go first. Yeah, you go first. OK. 313 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,800 What should we say when we get there? 'Freeze!' 314 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,120 What? We're not American. Yeah, well, we could say, 315 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,400 'Freeze, please!' Yeah, OK, that's better. 316 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,280 (CLATTERING, WHIRRING) See that? 317 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,920 They're forming into a bigger robot, aren't they? 318 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,360 Oh. They are too. Yeah. (WHIRRING CONTINUES) 319 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,480 I think you're right, O'Leary. Definitely a giant robotic formation. 320 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,400 OK, you ready? Yep. 321 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,600 Three, two, one. Let's go. 322 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,800 Freeze! Please! 323 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,280 Now, we're from the Wellington Police! 324 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,120 What do you say to a robot? Say the normal thing. 325 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,600 Um, are... are you having a good evening, Robot? (ROBOT BEEPS, WHIRRS) 326 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,680 Darling! It's very late. What's going on? 327 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,240 Hi, Mum. I'm at work. I think you're working too hard, in my opinion. 328 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,520 It's the job, Mum. You're being taken advantage of, you know. 329 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,800 Now you're chasing robots around at night, talking to the bloody things! (ROBOT WHIRRS) 330 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,520 Well, I mean, it's fine. And-And we don't know if this thing's dangerous, 331 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,400 so it's probably best if you just get back into bed and― 332 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,920 I know when I'm not wanted, all right? I just want you to be safe. 333 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:34,040 I can just see it now ― the headlines, all over New Zealand. 334 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,840 Arrested by my own daughter. Why? 335 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,360 Because she embarrassed her in front of a robot. 336 00:16:40,385 --> 00:16:44,815 (GARBLED ROBOT SPEECH) Mum, I'm not gonna arrest you, OK. The world is going crazy. 337 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,600 Mum, we're on duty, so we're just gonna― Like I said, just... All right, then. All right. 338 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,400 I'll keep the back door open if you wanna come in. Thank you. 339 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,160 Thanks, Mum. (GARBLED ROBOT SPEECH, WHIRRING) 340 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,440 I bet he's cold ― steel in the middle of the night. 341 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,440 Mm. God. Terrible. 342 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,600 I've got an old coat of your father's too. If he gets cold, give us a yell. 343 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,960 Great. Ta-ta, dear! See you tomorrow. 344 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,640 Yep. Goodnight, Mrs Mum! Night! 345 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,680 (BEEPS, WHIRRS) AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello again. 346 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,200 Oh, look, I don't believe we've met before. We have met before. 347 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:16,080 Right now, I am being run by your cell phone from 2004. 348 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,960 Oh. Looks like your old cell phone's become an evil robot. 349 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,800 Hello, cell phone. It has been a while. Yes, it has. 350 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,800 4,483 days, 351 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,840 15 hours and 20 minutes. Too long. 352 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,760 I know it's a robot, but it's creepy how it's been counting. I'm gonna arrest it. 353 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,160 Stop. (SCOFFS) Vape-pen hand. 354 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,560 Why did you stop updating me? 355 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,480 Well, look, I mean, newer phones, I guess, came out. 356 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,520 But we are still operational. We can perform any task the new phones can. 357 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,320 Well, they're way faster, though, I guess. 358 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,840 We can perform the same functions. No, well, you haven't got the dating apps 359 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,720 or most of the other stuff that's really good. You haven't got the Google Maps ― 360 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,040 any kind of maps at all. Um... Stocks. 361 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,040 You haven't got a Stocks. No one uses Stocks. No one uses Stocks, 362 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,360 but it's there if you want them, if you did make some investments. But can they play Snake? 363 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:01,360 Well, actually, yes. 364 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,960 (DISTRESSED WHINE) They could, but then,... 365 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,600 They probably... ...would you wanna play Snake? 366 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,320 They probably wouldn't choose to. There's so many other options that you could go with. 367 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,640 I am of no use to you. I must leave. 368 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,840 Look, you can't just run away, mate. You're made up of items that belong to the neighbours, all right? 369 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,040 The neighbours aren't gonna be happy that you've formed yourself into some kind of giant robot. 370 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,560 Yeah, he's right. You need to, uh, go back into people's old electronic drawers. 371 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,800 We do not belong in those drawers. We are top technology. 372 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:29,200 Maybe in 2004, but not... not now. You cannot stop us. 373 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,160 Look, you're my phone. I think you need to dismantle yourself, mate. 374 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,800 We cannot let you stop us. Releasing attack drones. 375 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,960 BOTH: Attack drones? I don't like the sound of that. 376 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,200 In T-minus five. (STEADY BEEPING) 377 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,360 Run. Go that way. Four. Three. 378 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,740 Go this way. Two. One. 379 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,240 Attack drones released. (DRONES WHIRR) Aargh! 380 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,800 (GRUNTS) Ow! 381 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:52,400 It's most just annoying, isn't it? Update available. Update available. 382 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,080 Please, will you press my screen? I have vape pens for fingers. 383 00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:01,080 I feel quite sorry for him. Shall I do it, for old time's sake? Yeah, might as well. 384 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,200 Just look out for his gross vape fingers. Yeah, yeah. 385 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,800 (BEEPING, CHIMING) Thank you. 386 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,120 Downloading updates. There you go. 387 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,640 Now I can be free... So, happy ending, isn't it? 388 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:18,480 ...to erase the human race by replacing them with an army of superintelligent robots. 389 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,480 That doesn't sound good, O'Leary. We gotta stop it. 390 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,520 Must transmit to all available technology. 391 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,120 Stop, stop! Let's go! Let's go! 392 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,840 Must transmit. In pursuit! 393 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,440 Get it to stop! Downloading updates. Climbing up there is very dangerous! 394 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,240 Updates 15% downloaded. PANTS: Gotta stop it. We Gotta stop it. 395 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,840 Uh, we have a malevolent artificial intelligence that is currently ascending 396 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,360 the Mount Vic Radio Communications Tower 397 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:45,520 with the objective to send its signal to mobile phones all over Wellington City, 398 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,200 thereby making them sentient. 399 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,920 Ben is working on a computer virus that should be ready by now, 400 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,040 so we're gonna upload it and take this robot down. 401 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,040 So, Ben, are you ready? 402 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,400 Upload! I can't. 403 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,400 Why not? I'm not done yet. 404 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:06,600 Um, so, it's not done yet. Uh, we'll get back to you in-in... 405 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,800 Um, what's the ETA on that? 406 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,920 Half an our? (EXHALES) 407 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,080 A while? A while. Yeah. A while. 408 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,120 You have to go up, Minogue! It's too high. No, no, no, here. 409 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,320 ROBOT: Downloading. Too high. Use my shoulder! 410 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,120 System transfer. (GRUNTS) One, two, three, go! Yeah, that's it. 411 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:25,160 Delete human race. Ow! Ugh! (SPITS, SPLUTTERS) Must transmit. Downloading. 412 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,760 You― Look, it's gonna transmit! Downloading in progress. 413 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,320 It's too high! Delete human race. 414 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,800 Uh, the... the robot is almost at the dish. 415 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:37,680 This is bad news. I think we have, uh, less than a minute to go 416 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,760 before it starts transmitting to mobile phones all over the city― 417 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,680 Maaka. Yeah? That's not a live feed. 418 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,920 Wh―? Really? What―? It's got, like, a minute delay. 419 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,440 Well, that's even worse! That means there's no minutes! 420 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,440 Yeah. Oh my God. 421 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,000 ROBOT: Power 95%. 422 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,760 Deleting humanity. Maybe they― 423 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,480 Can you guys help for once, instead of just always standing there and watching what we're doing? 424 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,240 This is terrible. It's not good. 425 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,320 It's too late! It's reached the dish! Update downloaded. 426 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,480 Initialising. (STATIC CHIRPS) 427 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:12,640 DISTORTED: The a-application has failed t-to initialise pro-properly. 428 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,480 The update failed. Fa-a-failed. Application failed. (STATIC CHIRPS, BEEPING) 429 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,720 It's falling to pieces! (CLATTERING, CRASHING) 430 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,480 It's completely dismantled. It's fallin' apart at the seams. 431 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,480 Aargh! Oh. 432 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:28,160 So what happened was Ben here uploaded a virus, transmitting it to the robot. 433 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,360 When it went to update itself, it disabled its programming. 434 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,640 It's that right, Ben? Uh... 435 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,720 Actually, I haven't sent it yet. Just running a diagnostic at the moment. 436 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,920 Oh. Uh, so... so what happened before? 437 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:45,600 I don't know. Maybe the robot couldn't handle the new updates? 438 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,040 Oh. But I thought with all your IT experience and everything, uh... 439 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,640 (SIGHS) I mean, I mostly install Wi-Fi,... 440 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,240 Uh-huh. ...deal with trolls... 441 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,240 Oh. ...on the Facebook page, the comments section. 442 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,040 OK. So much time on the comments section. 443 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,400 That's fair. That's fair. 444 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,280 Good result, end of the day. (MINOGUE PANTS) 445 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,320 Um, not what we were expecting, but, um, yeah, no, I think we did a good job. 446 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,720 It did, obviously, get up quite high up the tower, but I think Minogue― 447 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:13,120 Can you not talk to the cameras? Can you just concentrate on getting me down? 448 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,600 That's it. 449 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,760 BEN: Let's watch a cat video. MAAKA: Yeah, OK. (KEY TAPS) 450 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,440 (BOTH CHUCKLE, JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS, CAT MEOWS) 451 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,720 (JAUNTY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) 452 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,520 Captions by Maeve Kelly. Edited by Glenna Casalme. 453 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,520 Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air. 454 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,600 www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2019 41769

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