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("DECK THE HALLS" PLAYING)
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Ho, ho, ho!
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D'oh! Ho, ho!
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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♪ ♪
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- _
- (CAWS)
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And now to order my Christmas gifts
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with plenty of time.
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_
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_
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(TIRES SCREECH)
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Hmm. UPS tracking says
my packages just arrived.
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All I have to do is look down.
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D'ah!
15
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Who could've done this? Who?
16
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♪ Ding-dong, merrily on high ♪
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♪ In heaven the bells are ringing ♪
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♪ Ding-dong, Bart is gonna die ♪
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♪ His little neck I'm stringing. ♪
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(SINISTER LAUGHTER)
21
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Hmm. Needs tinsel
22
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to reflect the horror in Bart's eyes.
23
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(DOORBELL RINGS)
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Oh, a visitor. Coming.
25
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Ahoy!
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Are there any lonely
lighthouse keepers abaft here?
27
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(SIGHING): Oh, hello, Cassandra.
28
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Surprise! I made you muffins.
29
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You want to know a secret?
30
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I used two sticks of butter.
31
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Do you have any deep dark secrets?
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♪ ♪
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- _
- (GRUNTING)
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(GROANING)
35
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- _
- Merry Christmas, Father!
36
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(CHUCKLES) Stay out of trouble.
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(WIND GUSTING)
38
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Nope. No secrets.
39
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,796
So, have you ever
thought about children?
40
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,599
Missed me! Missed me!
Now you gotta kiss me!
41
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(KISSING)
42
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Oh, if you'll excuse me,
43
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my gimbals need a good whale oiling.
44
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- Ta!
- Oh,
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you might get some other visitors.
46
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I mentioned you in town today.
47
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You told people about me?
48
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What did you tell them?! What?!
49
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That you had kind eyes,
a beautiful voice,
50
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and no wedding ring.
51
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- There he is!
- (GASPS)
52
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I was a fool to let my
guard down with a woman
53
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who runs a seaward-aiming Fresnel lens!
54
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From hell's heart I stab at thee!
55
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Oh, my God. Just listen to
that mellifluous baritone.
56
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He's perfect for the role.
57
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Role? Role?
58
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You're offering me an acting job?
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Yes! It's to play Santa Claus
at a small amusement park.
60
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Oh, what the hell.
It is the lead. I'm in!
61
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Dinner is served.
62
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- _
- ("CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYING)
63
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- _
- ♪ ♪
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Hey, let's see what's on your tag.
65
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"Cadaver-sniffing dog"?!
66
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,704
Ah, that's another job I didn't get.
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00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,680
_
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(TIRES SCREECH)
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It's gone. My porch repair kit is gone!
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(BLOWING FORCEFULLY)
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(BREATHING HEAVILY)
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(ENGINE RUNNING)
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D'oh!
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(GRUNTING) A little help!
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(CHUCKLING)
76
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Another crafts project gone out of hand?
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Yes.
78
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If you're not tied up tomorrow,
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I took the day off from work.
80
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,460
I was thinking we could
watch an R-rated movie.
81
00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:09,791
Finally, the sexy story
of Tony Roma's ribs.
82
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,029
But tomorrow I promised the kids
I'd take them out of school.
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It can be our family day.
84
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Yawn.
85
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We'll go to Santa's Village.
86
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Oh, I hate that place. It's
so crowded at Christmas.
87
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And the giant candy canes are not real.
88
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But they are electrified!
89
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Well, we're going and taking the kids.
90
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,395
Why couldn't that be me?
91
00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:34,982
- Homer!
- Oh...
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- _
- (HORNS HONKING)
93
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♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
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♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
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- ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- Oh, God, I'm so sick of this.
96
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- Thing just keeps going on and on.
- ♪ Baby shark, Mommy shark ♪
97
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- ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- I don't want to hear a shark
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- or "baby" or "doo" ever again.
- ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
99
00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,019
- ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- Marge, you traitor!
100
00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,479
- It's so catchy.
- ♪ Mommy shark ♪
101
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,259
- ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
- Oh, what the hell.
102
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,499
ALL: ♪ Daddy shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
103
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,699
♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
104
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♪ Daddy shark. ♪
105
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Play this at my funeral!
106
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,740
_
107
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,359
_
108
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,029
(GRINDING)
109
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Why do the low-budget parks we go to
110
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have so many white trash idiots?
111
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Oh! Boy, that's good.
112
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,439
Why? Why?
113
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,950
Well, I'm getting right
in line for Santa.
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_
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00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,329
_
116
00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,259
Eight hours to see a fat lazy drunk-o?
117
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I came to this park
to get away from one.
118
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,214
Wow. Even Chanukah Hollow is packed.
119
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- _
- ("I HAVE A LITTLE DREIDEL" PLAYING)
120
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,511
Check out the Dreidel Casino.
121
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Come on, gimmel, gimmel, gimmel!
122
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Ah, shin again!
123
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:51,669
I thought this would be
124
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the one part of Judaism I'm good at.
125
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,779
(CHUCKLES)
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(GROANS)
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Typical.
128
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,549
The one ride is a stupid,
boring kiddie ride.
129
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,250
At least you get to have fun.
130
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:10,460
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
131
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(CACKLING)
132
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:19,019
♪ It's a scary place
in the world outside ♪
133
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:22,559
♪ Gnomes are watching you,
so you'd best not cry ♪
134
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,199
♪ Don't display any fear, this we know ♪
135
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,969
♪ Yes, it's clear, all our eyes ♪
136
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,619
♪ Are watching you ♪
137
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,239
♪ It's a scary place
in the world outside ♪
138
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,929
♪ Gnomes are watching you,
so you'd best not cry ♪
139
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:40,319
♪ Don't display any fear,
this we know, yes, it's clear ♪
140
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,400
♪ All our eyes are watching you. ♪
141
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,031
(CAMERA CLICKS)
142
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,859
Hey, buddy, thanks for saving me a spot.
143
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,179
Bart, you cut the bullies.
144
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:53,419
(GRUNTS)
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In this situation, we assign equal blame
146
00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:58,239
to the cutter and the cuttee.
147
00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,959
Let him go. I don't want to get blood
148
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,389
on my Christmas sweater.
149
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,039
Oh, there's gonna be blood
on your sweater, all right.
150
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,459
I just said I didn't want that!
151
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,840
(GRUNTING)
152
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,969
_
153
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,620
- _
- (HUMMING)
154
00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:19,849
- _
- (GRINDING)
155
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:23,880
_
156
00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,899
Hello, young man.
157
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,615
Climb right up.
158
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,329
Santa? Bartholomew Simpson.
159
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,203
- You don't know me, but...
- Oh, but I do.
160
00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:36,739
Hello-ho-ho, Bart.
161
00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,399
Sideshow Bob!
162
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,069
Merry Christmas.
163
00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:43,129
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
164
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,559
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
165
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,379
He's in a good mood.
166
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,859
Yes. This is the year I get the monkey.
167
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,319
I keep telling you,
168
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,229
a monkey is a huge responsibility.
169
00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:58,812
I'm raising a kid. I think
I can raise a monkey.
170
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,819
(THUNDER CRACKLES)
171
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,109
(YELLING)
172
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:11,779
So easy. After all these years,
173
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:15,589
I get to watch the life drain
from your eye, your I...
174
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,849
I can't kill you!
175
00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:21,375
- Want to know why?
- Mm, nah.
176
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,139
I am a trained method actor.
177
00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,859
I inhabit my roles.
178
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,049
Like Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread.
179
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,176
Or Mike Myers in The Love Guru.
180
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,079
Why should I trust you?
181
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,160
Because I am utterly incapable
of stepping out of character.
182
00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:37,479
I am Santa Claus.
183
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,460
The jolly old elf himself.
184
00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,489
Ho, ho, ho.
185
00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:43,569
MAN: So can we get in to see you?
186
00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:47,659
15-minute break.
Santa's making presents.
187
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,738
Ooh...
188
00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,157
- _
- (ALL GROANING)
189
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,379
I'm telling you, this is Sideshow Bob!
190
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:58,409
- He tried to kill me!
- Well?
191
00:08:58,410 --> 00:09:00,980
I am a card-carrying seasonal Santa.
192
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,929
Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732.
193
00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,989
Hey, I was a mall Santa, too.
194
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,089
I still wear the belt.
195
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,599
Uh, if you're gonna spend this
much time with our Santa,
196
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,019
you have to pose for a photo.
197
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,859
Photos with Santa, $40.
198
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,859
Marge, just take one with your phone!
199
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,432
- Got it.
- Run!
200
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,839
This will stop the jerks
who've been stealing packages
201
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,739
off my porch: a decoy with an
exploding dye marker inside.
202
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,320
You don't think you packed in
a little too much gunpowder?
203
00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:30,195
Relax. I learned how to do this
from my Uncle Two Fingers.
204
00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:34,740
Oh, my God. You're the package thief?
205
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:36,799
(TIRES SCREECH)
206
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,439
(FEEBLE MUTTERING)
207
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,747
Lenny. Who did this to
you? Can you say it?
208
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,719
- Eh.
- Can you whisper it?
209
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,729
Eh.
210
00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,179
Can you write it with your blood?
211
00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,550
Ooh.
212
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,008
_
213
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,079
I'm a little worried
our Christmas packages
214
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,419
haven't arrived.
215
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:59,359
Marge, relax. There's plenty of time.
216
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,109
It's 8:00 p.m. Christmas Eve!
217
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:06,689
Just sit back and watch
this Fox News yule log.
218
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:12,987
("SILENT NIGHT" PLAYING)
219
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,319
- _
- We interrupt this yule log
220
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,459
with a special report.
221
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,819
Package delivery thefts
continue in Springfield.
222
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:20,089
Local man Leonard "Lenny" Leonard
223
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:23,819
had his jingle bell rung in
a package deal gone boom.
224
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:27,199
Our only clue is these
initials next to the corpse.
225
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,299
He's not a corpse. He's breathing.
226
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,239
- I say he's a corpse.
- (BLOWS) And I say I'm not.
227
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,009
Uh... (SCOFFS) you don't get a vote.
228
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,599
(GASPS) "S.B." is Sideshow Bob!
229
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,219
That's what he's up to.
230
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,100
He's stealing Christmas!
231
00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:44,260
A fellow Santa could
not steal Christmas.
232
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:47,780
I know who this mysterious "S.B." is.
233
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,749
Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier.
234
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,760
Uh, tell Scott Bakula, Steve Ballmer
235
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,694
and Sandra Bullock they're off the hook.
236
00:10:56,695 --> 00:10:59,179
I should've been back
at NCIS: New Orleans
237
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,089
two hours ago.
238
00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,320
Why don't you just Quantum Leap there?
239
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,760
Why don't you learn
how to be a cop, fatso?
240
00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:08,139
I loved it! Mistaken identity!
241
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:12,719
I sold ten, ten season tickets
to the guys in my cell.
242
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,810
Everything we do is successful, booyah!
243
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:26,220
♪ ♪
244
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,819
Santa's Village, please.
245
00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,179
What do you want to go there for?
246
00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:36,219
(SCOFFS) I'm saving Christmas.
247
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,999
Every kid thinks they're doing
that this time of year.
248
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,760
And as for you, Santa's
Village is closed, I'm afraid.
249
00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:44,119
If I wanted your life story,
I would've taken an Uber.
250
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,497
Well, that shuts me up.
251
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,874
I'm not gonna leave till I
find out what Bob's up to.
252
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,127
If you don't hear from me in
one hour, call the police.
253
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,379
I have my own problems, Bart.
254
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,969
My mom just locked my
dad out in the snow.
255
00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:58,159
He keeps tapping at my window.
256
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,719
She said if I open it, no presents.
257
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,230
- Useless.
- Don't hang up.
258
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,394
_
259
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,773
(LAUGHS) Classic evil villain mistake.
260
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:14,858
Life goals?!
261
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,659
Don't pooh-pooh.
262
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,999
Now for God's sake,
how can I convince you
263
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,115
that I am not going to kill you?!
264
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,702
Find the person who stole the presents.
265
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,209
Very well. I shall begin
by clearing my initials,
266
00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:31,060
catching the true "S.B." and, if I must,
267
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,877
save Christmas for everyone.
268
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,046
Now let me drive you home.
269
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,349
You want me to ride with you? Fine.
270
00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:40,740
Shotgun!
271
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,620
Let's roll.
272
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,460
Shotgun means you pay the tolls.
273
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,729
So I'm here to save Christmas,
and here's my plan.
274
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,320
First, I conceal myself within this box.
275
00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,359
(ALL GASP)
276
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,572
Where'd you learn how to do that?
277
00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,289
When you ride cross-country in
a clown car, you learn a lot.
278
00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:07,979
(SHUDDERING LAUGH)
279
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,913
- (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
- HOMER: Who knew?
280
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,509
- Brava!
- Who knew?
281
00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:12,519
SIDESHOW BOB: Thank you.
282
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,739
Now, Homer, gently
place me on the porch,
283
00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:17,279
and when they steal me,
follow them to their lair.
284
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,840
Will do.
285
00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:21,659
(BOTH GRUNTING)
286
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,670
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
287
00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,269
Ah!
288
00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:29,069
- And... (GRUNTS)
- Ah!
289
00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:31,435
Godspeed.
290
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,437
They'll be here any minute.
291
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,939
♪ ♪
292
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:55,543
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
293
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,290
(BELLS JINGLING)
294
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,479
(STRAINING): Can't breathe.
295
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,262
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
296
00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:13,300
_
297
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,859
ALL: ♪ Baby shark,
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
298
00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,358
♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
299
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,069
♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. ♪
300
00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:32,660
(GASPS) Oh, my God, S.B. is
301
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,540
Smithers and Burns!
302
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,459
Since when does Smithers go first?
303
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,779
The jig is up!
304
00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,009
Also, leg cramp.
305
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,256
Ow.
306
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,216
The police are on their way.
307
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,229
Who will they believe?
You or the billionaire
308
00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:49,972
who just sent them a
Montgomery Ward's cheese log?
309
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,975
Mr. Burns, why did you do this?
310
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,018
Ooh, general Scroogeyness.
311
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,139
No, it's deeper. It's
much deeper than that.
312
00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,108
(GASPS) I think Mr. Burns is depressed.
313
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,989
Ooh, you're a very perceptive girl.
314
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,969
(MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)
315
00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,249
- That's close enough.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
316
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,099
I just wanted everyone to experience
317
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,309
the same Christmas
heartbreak that I once did.
318
00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:16,239
♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪
319
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,779
♪ On the feast of Stephen. ♪
320
00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:22,260
Papa, sweet Papa,
may I sit on Santa's lap?
321
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,819
Well, I don't know.
322
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,779
Santa Claus, giving away free toys,
323
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:30,249
undercutting my friends,
Bill Mattel and Fred Hasbro.
324
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,100
Please?
325
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,279
(SHOUTS)
326
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,349
Well, what's on your
wish list, little boy?
327
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:43,239
A Rockford sock monkey,
Studebaker pedal car,
328
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,279
or the most popular gift
this year, an orange.
329
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,649
All I want is a hug from my mommy
330
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,540
and a smile from my daddy.
331
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,620
Oh, well I'm sure there's
a hug and a smile
332
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,779
on their way to you right now.
333
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,129
Ho, ho, ho.
334
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,707
Next.
335
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,629
What do you want for Christmas?
336
00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:03,369
I want you to marry my mom
like you said you would.
337
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:04,379
Next!
338
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,780
- _
- ♪ ♪
339
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,270
BURNS: Christmas day came...
340
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,239
I'm here to take you to boarding school.
341
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,862
- On Christmas Day?
- Hey, no traffic.
342
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:32,899
BURNS: The next time I saw my parents,
343
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,953
they weren't in a smiling mood.
344
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,920
Too late!
345
00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:43,709
You two never gave me
anything except $100 million.
346
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:44,979
Santa lied.
347
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,509
But, Monty, you misunderstood me.
348
00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:48,929
Ho, ho, ho.
349
00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:51,199
Santa? It can't be.
350
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,637
Monty, it's 1935,
351
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,309
and this is Gimbels Department Store,
352
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,379
with the toy train in the window
353
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,599
and Maxie the elevator man.
354
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,079
You're looking at the
lingerie department.
355
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,439
You can look. It's okay.
356
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,733
(LAUGHS)
357
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,989
Yes. Yes. Yes! I am a child again.
358
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,059
And the truth is, your
parents did love you,
359
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:14,829
not with hugs and kisses,
but with something better...
360
00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:16,289
they made you strong.
361
00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:18,749
Where are all the other
tycoons from your day?
362
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,619
Broke, dead, a lot of #MeToo.
363
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:26,509
But you're the richest,
most ruthless man in town,
364
00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:29,007
thanks to your parents' love.
365
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,094
It's true.
366
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,559
Smithers, it's Christmas,
367
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,806
which is a work day for
you, so help me out.
368
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,184
- And it's my birthday.
- Don't expect two presents.
369
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,899
- ♪ Christmas ♪
- ♪ The snow's coming down ♪
370
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,799
- ♪ Christmas ♪
- ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
371
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,959
♪ Christmas... ♪
372
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,619
My raisins came!
373
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,899
- Mmm!
- (SIGHS)
374
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,366
Well, at least he's eating.
375
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,280
♪ Christmas... ♪
376
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:01,439
Huzzah for Mr. Burns!
377
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,699
God bless us, every one.
378
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,876
Seriously, this is, this is really nice.
379
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,545
- _
- ("CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYING)
380
00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,559
(YAWNS) We did it.
381
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,716
Got all the presents under the tree.
382
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,539
I'm lucky because no one
could possibly steal my gift.
383
00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:19,119
All I want is one peaceful moment
384
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,729
to hold my wife in my arms.
385
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,143
Aw.
386
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,999
BART: It's Christmas!
387
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,349
Awake already?
388
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:32,180
- (CHUCKLES) Slide whistle.
- Kazoo!
389
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:36,114
(ALL PLAYING INSTRUMENTS)
390
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,669
(QUIETLY): Meet me in the basement.
391
00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:40,179
Okay.
392
00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:41,840
Picture time.
393
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,230
_
394
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,529
Janey, haven't you learned
that silly tune yet?
395
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,008
You play it over and over
again. Now stop it, stop it!
396
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,189
That girl is pretty bad at the piano.
397
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:58,419
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
398
00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:01,199
Ugh. Hello, Cassandra.
399
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,279
I brought you a Christmas present.
400
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,059
(GRUMBLING)
401
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:09,299
I know who you are, and
I know what you've done,
402
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,409
and I want you to kiss me.
403
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,079
- ♪ You really should go ♪
- ♪ It's 20 below ♪
404
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,959
- ♪ I can't have you here ♪
- ♪ Just get me a beer ♪
405
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,399
- ♪ I'm being a gent ♪
- ♪ I'm giving consent ♪
406
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,060
♪ You are quite inviting ♪
407
00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:28,049
♪ I will put it in writing ♪
408
00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,459
_
409
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,600
BOTH: ♪ Baby, it's cold outside. ♪
410
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,135
(CRASHING)
411
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:42,189
Yarr. Will someone turn
on the damn light?!
412
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:45,119
A little late, don't you think?
413
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,477
Yarr!
414
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,019
Steve. Psst. Steve. Wait.
415
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:56,139
Sorry, I'm just about ready
to leave your wonderful town.
416
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,479
Great place. Fantastic!
417
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,199
The best Springfield
I've ever been in. Whoo!
418
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,369
Whoo-hoo!
419
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,455
Can you teach me to do that?
420
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,373
- _
- Do what? This is just me.
421
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:12,711
Fantastic coffee! Send
a truckful to Seattle.
422
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,269
How can you possibly be so happy?
423
00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:18,679
- It's in you, too.
- I really don't think so.
424
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,609
Monty, look me in the eye.
425
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,640
I don't know if I can.
426
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,009
(NECK CRACKS)
427
00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,829
You're amazingly alive,
428
00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:30,519
you're rich beyond any sense of justice,
429
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,719
you're C. Montgomery Burns.
430
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,339
- Whoo!
- (WEAKLY): Whoo.
431
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:39,690
- (BONES CRACK)
- Ow! (GROANING)
432
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,169
Hurt yourself on the landing, huh?
433
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,739
No, on the way up.
434
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:48,740
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
435
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:53,390
_
436
00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:57,400
_
437
00:20:57,420 --> 00:21:01,900
_
438
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,740
_
439
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,580
_
440
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,410
_
441
00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:17,170
_
442
00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:20,840
_
443
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:24,510
_
444
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:29,121
_
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