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1
00:00:02,426 --> 00:00:04,551
Thanks again for having us over, Tina.
2
00:00:04,552 --> 00:00:06,693
Yeah, the chicken and
dumplings are delicious.
3
00:00:06,694 --> 00:00:07,860
Aren't they, Grover?
4
00:00:07,861 --> 00:00:10,096
Wow, that is interesting.
5
00:00:11,742 --> 00:00:14,443
So I had to turn off my
football game for dinner,
6
00:00:14,444 --> 00:00:17,013
but the kid gets to
play world wide webs?
7
00:00:18,415 --> 00:00:20,583
Dad, the "world wide webs",
8
00:00:20,584 --> 00:00:23,686
or as people under a hundred
call it, the Internet...
9
00:00:25,131 --> 00:00:27,690
... is not a game. It's-it's
a, it's a global network...
10
00:00:27,691 --> 00:00:29,458
Marty... you're talking to Pop.
11
00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:32,028
The clock is still flashing
12:00 on his VCR.
12
00:00:33,781 --> 00:00:36,906
Which still has a tape of
Beverly Hills Cop stuck in it.
13
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:38,098
(CHUCKLES)
14
00:00:38,099 --> 00:00:41,070
You know what? That
was due back in 1997.
15
00:00:41,071 --> 00:00:43,072
Good thing Blockbuster
went out of business, huh?
16
00:00:43,073 --> 00:00:45,808
(ALL CHUCKLING)
17
00:00:45,809 --> 00:00:47,743
Grover, Mr. Calvin's right.
18
00:00:47,744 --> 00:00:49,946
Didn't we agree no screens at the table?
19
00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:54,050
Yeah, I wasn't really sure
where we landed on that.
20
00:00:55,419 --> 00:00:58,054
So, Calvin, it looks like your
auto shop has some competition.
21
00:00:58,055 --> 00:01:00,389
I saw a new Motor Boys
opened up down the block.
22
00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:02,325
(SCOFFS) Please.
23
00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:06,295
Some generic chain with a
stupid jingle? (CHUCKLES)
24
00:01:06,296 --> 00:01:07,897
I think it's catchy.
25
00:01:07,898 --> 00:01:10,299
♪ Car or truck, you're
in luck, with the ♪
26
00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:12,335
- ♪ Motor Boys. ♪
- ALL: Beep! Beep!
27
00:01:12,336 --> 00:01:15,271
(ALL CHUCKLING)
28
00:01:15,272 --> 00:01:17,940
Why don't you all go "beep-beep"
yourselves, all right?
29
00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:20,576
Whoa!
30
00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:23,179
Motor Boys has a really cool website.
31
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:26,449
Grover! Didn't I just say
no screens at the table?
32
00:01:26,450 --> 00:01:30,019
Oh, so we are going with that.
33
00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:32,922
You know,
34
00:01:32,923 --> 00:01:35,024
business has slowed down
since they opened up.
35
00:01:35,025 --> 00:01:37,026
Maybe we should think
about updating our shop.
36
00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:38,794
Oh, I could upgrade
your computer system.
37
00:01:38,795 --> 00:01:40,196
Automate your payroll.
38
00:01:40,197 --> 00:01:41,430
Maybe make you a website
39
00:01:41,431 --> 00:01:42,531
that's not just a picture of you
40
00:01:42,532 --> 00:01:44,133
laying across the hood of a Corvette?
41
00:01:46,970 --> 00:01:49,638
While you're at it,
will you fix his e-mail?
42
00:01:49,639 --> 00:01:52,008
I send him stuff all the time.
43
00:01:52,009 --> 00:01:54,043
(CHUCKLING): I never get a reply.
44
00:01:55,612 --> 00:01:58,481
Yeah, that's weird, huh?
45
00:01:58,482 --> 00:02:00,516
So what do you say, Calvin?
46
00:02:00,517 --> 00:02:01,550
Can Marty help us out?
47
00:02:01,551 --> 00:02:03,886
Why not? You can come in tomorrow.
48
00:02:03,887 --> 00:02:05,988
And I'll start working
on a jingle for you.
49
00:02:05,989 --> 00:02:09,492
Ooh, great. E-mail it to me.
50
00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:11,460
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
51
00:02:11,461 --> 00:02:12,695
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
52
00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:17,996
So what goes down at an
overnight teachers' retreat?
53
00:02:17,997 --> 00:02:19,631
Oh, we have so much fun.
54
00:02:19,632 --> 00:02:22,868
PowerPoint presentations,
course lectures,
55
00:02:22,869 --> 00:02:24,002
and... wait for it...
56
00:02:24,003 --> 00:02:26,972
we all come home with a huge binder!
57
00:02:26,973 --> 00:02:30,876
My God, I married the
world's hottest nerd.
58
00:02:30,877 --> 00:02:32,878
(CHUCKLING)
59
00:02:32,879 --> 00:02:35,381
All right, sweetie, be good for
Dad. I'll see you tomorrow.
60
00:02:35,382 --> 00:02:38,150
I don't know. Probably in my room?
61
00:02:40,274 --> 00:02:42,208
You know what? You've
been on that thing a lot.
62
00:02:42,209 --> 00:02:44,377
Why don't we take a little
screen break for a few days?
63
00:02:44,378 --> 00:02:47,113
A few days? That's so unfair.
64
00:02:47,114 --> 00:02:48,848
No, come on. It's a good thing.
65
00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,830
Look, you can play outside,
climb some trees,
66
00:02:50,831 --> 00:02:52,118
ride your bike around.
67
00:02:52,119 --> 00:02:56,756
Okay, if I say I'm sorry,
can I not do any of that?
68
00:02:56,757 --> 00:02:58,959
All right, sweetie, I
got to go. Give me a hug.
69
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,261
I'll miss you, Mom.
70
00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:03,296
- So, so...
- I'm with Dad.
71
00:03:03,297 --> 00:03:06,066
- Bye.
- Cheer up.
72
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:07,634
You're gonna have so much fun.
73
00:03:07,635 --> 00:03:09,469
It's gonna be great.
74
00:03:09,470 --> 00:03:11,304
It's gonna be terrible.
75
00:03:13,311 --> 00:03:14,845
What are you talking about?
76
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:16,914
I have tried the "no
screens" thing before,
77
00:03:16,915 --> 00:03:19,016
and it always ends
in tears and tantrums.
78
00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:21,652
Well, if he throws a tantrum,
79
00:03:21,653 --> 00:03:23,720
I will deal with it.
80
00:03:23,721 --> 00:03:26,590
I was talking about me.
81
00:03:26,591 --> 00:03:29,493
You've just committed
yourself to 48 hours of:
82
00:03:29,494 --> 00:03:31,028
"Dad. Dad.
83
00:03:31,029 --> 00:03:32,696
Dad. Dad".
84
00:03:32,697 --> 00:03:34,765
And I will come back with,
85
00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:37,100
"What's up? I'm here.
86
00:03:37,101 --> 00:03:38,368
Let's rage".
87
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:40,504
(CHUCKLING): Ho-ho. Oh, don't worry.
88
00:03:40,505 --> 00:03:42,506
There will be rage.
89
00:03:42,507 --> 00:03:44,007
You know, I'm starting
to get the feeling
90
00:03:44,008 --> 00:03:45,509
that you don't think I can do this.
91
00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:47,611
Don't take this the wrong
way, but if I couldn't,
92
00:03:47,612 --> 00:03:49,746
you definitely can't.
93
00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:52,616
Ho-ho! Really?
94
00:03:52,617 --> 00:03:55,419
Well, what you don't realize
is I have something you don't.
95
00:03:56,621 --> 00:03:59,456
The mind of an eight-year-old boy.
96
00:03:59,457 --> 00:04:01,925
Finally, something we agree on.
97
00:04:04,529 --> 00:04:06,897
Okay. We're off to a great start.
98
00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:09,299
The TV in your waiting room
now gets more than one channel.
99
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,101
Oh, great. How did you do that?
100
00:04:11,102 --> 00:04:12,803
Well, not to get too technical,
101
00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:15,105
but I put new batteries in the remote.
102
00:04:17,075 --> 00:04:19,943
The remote? Calvin, you
told me it was stolen.
103
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,211
Yeah.
104
00:04:21,212 --> 00:04:24,381
Uh, looks like I fired
Eduardo for nothing.
105
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:28,051
Well, thanks for your help, man.
106
00:04:28,052 --> 00:04:30,587
Be sure to treat yourself to
a hard candy on the way out.
107
00:04:32,123 --> 00:04:34,591
Calvin, look. You may
not want Marty's help,
108
00:04:34,592 --> 00:04:37,227
but as the person who keeps
the books around here, I do.
109
00:04:37,228 --> 00:04:40,831
Well, fine. We're watching
Beverly Hills Cop II tonight.
110
00:04:40,832 --> 00:04:44,935
That's right. I used a butter
knife to get Part I out.
111
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:48,238
Okay, Marty, what's next?
112
00:04:48,239 --> 00:04:50,440
Well, let's take a look at
how you organize your invoices.
113
00:04:50,441 --> 00:04:52,809
Oh. Okay, everything's
stored right over here.
114
00:04:52,810 --> 00:04:55,078
Oh, file cabinet. Old school.
115
00:04:55,079 --> 00:04:56,513
Nike.
116
00:04:56,514 --> 00:04:58,915
So, that's August 2012.
117
00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:03,120
This is how you keep your records?
118
00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:05,622
How do you keep anything organized?
119
00:05:05,623 --> 00:05:07,090
These are barely receipts.
120
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:09,693
"Herman, $200"? What'd
you do for Herman?
121
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:11,361
It says it right here.
122
00:05:11,362 --> 00:05:13,163
$200 worth of work.
123
00:05:15,667 --> 00:05:16,767
Yeah, but,
124
00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:18,468
but what specifically did you do?
125
00:05:18,469 --> 00:05:20,671
Well, if you want to know that,
126
00:05:20,672 --> 00:05:22,139
then we gonna have to call Eduardo.
127
00:05:23,508 --> 00:05:24,875
How do you say,
128
00:05:24,876 --> 00:05:26,810
"Oops, my bad" in Spanish?
129
00:05:29,013 --> 00:05:30,881
That was so much fun. What's next?
130
00:05:34,652 --> 00:05:38,188
Grover. We just did
mini-golf, batting cages,
131
00:05:38,189 --> 00:05:40,323
we even went to the dog park.
132
00:05:40,324 --> 00:05:41,525
We don't have a dog.
133
00:05:43,561 --> 00:05:44,661
Aren't you tired?
134
00:05:44,662 --> 00:05:46,630
Not at all.
135
00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:51,168
Ooh. I thought all that
fetching would tire you out.
136
00:05:53,204 --> 00:05:54,838
So, now what?
137
00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,640
How about this?
138
00:05:56,641 --> 00:05:58,408
How about we take a five-minute break
139
00:05:58,409 --> 00:06:00,243
so Dad can rest his eyes?
140
00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:01,545
Okay.
141
00:06:01,546 --> 00:06:03,180
Whew...
142
00:06:04,849 --> 00:06:07,517
How will I know when
it's been five minutes?
143
00:06:07,518 --> 00:06:10,187
I'll tell you.
144
00:06:11,589 --> 00:06:12,656
How will you know?
145
00:06:14,659 --> 00:06:16,326
Buddy...
146
00:06:16,327 --> 00:06:18,551
look around you. You
have all these toys.
147
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,597
You've got a big backyard.
148
00:06:20,598 --> 00:06:22,399
You've got a room upstairs.
149
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:26,002
Can you really find no
way to entertain yourself?
150
00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:28,338
- I have an idea.
- Oh, good.
151
00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:29,706
Screen time!
152
00:06:30,675 --> 00:06:32,209
Grover! Drop it!
153
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:33,210
Bad boy!
154
00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,581
Sorry. I'm still in dog park mode.
155
00:06:37,582 --> 00:06:40,250
Listen. Come here, buddy.
156
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:44,721
It would make my life...
157
00:06:44,722 --> 00:06:48,058
(CHUCKLES) so much easier
158
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,426
if I gave this to you.
159
00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:51,128
I don't know, Dad.
160
00:06:51,129 --> 00:06:53,930
Trust your instincts.
161
00:06:53,931 --> 00:06:58,068
But Mom doesn't think that we
can go a few days without it.
162
00:06:58,069 --> 00:07:00,303
And I want to prove to her that we can.
163
00:07:01,372 --> 00:07:03,306
Which is why...
164
00:07:03,307 --> 00:07:05,142
you're not gonna tell
her that I'm gonna let you
165
00:07:05,143 --> 00:07:06,943
play with this for a few minutes.
166
00:07:06,944 --> 00:07:08,111
Yes!
167
00:07:08,112 --> 00:07:10,080
But remember, we're not telling Mom.
168
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,816
- Mom who?
- Oh...
169
00:07:12,817 --> 00:07:15,652
Okay, Dad. I just finished
setting up your new system.
170
00:07:15,653 --> 00:07:18,255
This tablet controls
all your scheduling,
171
00:07:18,256 --> 00:07:19,923
estimates and service notes.
172
00:07:19,924 --> 00:07:21,925
Does it have Angry Birds on there?
173
00:07:23,227 --> 00:07:26,596
'Cause I love pissing
off them uppity pigs.
174
00:07:27,632 --> 00:07:28,965
Hey, Calvin.
175
00:07:28,966 --> 00:07:30,467
Hey, what's up, Roy?
176
00:07:30,468 --> 00:07:32,302
I got a text saying my car was ready.
177
00:07:32,303 --> 00:07:33,770
I didn't text you.
178
00:07:33,771 --> 00:07:35,972
Uh, no. But your new system did.
179
00:07:35,973 --> 00:07:37,974
I programmed it so when
a customer's car is ready,
180
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:39,242
they get a notification.
181
00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:41,478
I didn't ask you to do all that.
182
00:07:41,479 --> 00:07:43,747
I'm not sure I'm
comfortable with my shop
183
00:07:43,748 --> 00:07:46,183
making its own booty calls.
184
00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:48,952
Dad, trust me. This is
gonna make your business
185
00:07:48,953 --> 00:07:52,022
more efficient. See, customers
will be automatically billed,
186
00:07:52,023 --> 00:07:53,824
the payments go directly
into your account,
187
00:07:53,825 --> 00:07:56,293
and you don't have to call
them when their car is ready.
188
00:07:56,294 --> 00:07:58,829
Wait a minute. So I get my money faster?
189
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:02,032
And I don't have to talk
to chatterboxes like Roy?
190
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,201
Hey.
191
00:08:04,202 --> 00:08:07,671
Roy, please. I know
more about your prostate
192
00:08:07,672 --> 00:08:09,973
than the doctor who gave you the exam.
193
00:08:14,679 --> 00:08:16,046
So what do you say, Dad?
194
00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:17,948
You want to give it a shot?
195
00:08:17,949 --> 00:08:19,149
Why not?
196
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:20,784
All right, great! You'll see.
197
00:08:20,785 --> 00:08:22,118
This is gonna make you leaner,
198
00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:24,721
meaner and rolling in the greener.
199
00:08:24,722 --> 00:08:26,156
(CHUCKLES)
200
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:29,459
Boy, you may be smart, but
you couldn't wrap a burrito.
201
00:08:32,463 --> 00:08:36,466
Thanks for letting me have
screen time again today, Dad.
202
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:38,902
I don't know, maybe spaghetti?
203
00:08:38,903 --> 00:08:40,370
(CAR DOOR CLOSES, ALARM CHIRPS)
204
00:08:40,371 --> 00:08:42,539
Uh-oh. Mom. Mom's home.
205
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,574
Uh, quick, hide this.
206
00:08:44,575 --> 00:08:45,675
Okay, but you hide this.
207
00:08:47,846 --> 00:08:50,881
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Gem. How was the retreat?
208
00:08:50,882 --> 00:08:52,148
Did you get your binder?
209
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,751
I got two!
210
00:08:54,752 --> 00:08:56,553
Oh.
211
00:08:56,554 --> 00:08:59,856
Wow. It looks like
you two are having fun.
212
00:08:59,857 --> 00:09:01,658
(CHUCKLES) You bet your binders we are.
213
00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:02,926
(CHUCKLES)
214
00:09:02,927 --> 00:09:06,329
You know, I'm gonna take this
magazine to read upstairs.
215
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,098
It's got something
really interesting in it.
216
00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:13,536
So, how long before you
gave him his screen back?
217
00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:14,905
Because if it was under two hours,
218
00:09:14,906 --> 00:09:16,706
the choir teacher owes
me a hundred bucks.
219
00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,844
Well, I hate to disappoint you,
220
00:09:20,845 --> 00:09:23,280
but... we made it the whole time.
221
00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:24,581
Really?
222
00:09:24,582 --> 00:09:26,016
Yup.
223
00:09:26,017 --> 00:09:27,384
And no tantrums?
224
00:09:27,385 --> 00:09:30,720
Not him. Not me.
225
00:09:31,756 --> 00:09:33,623
Wow. I'm impressed.
226
00:09:33,624 --> 00:09:36,092
Well, Gem, what you
have to understand is...
227
00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:40,196
... I'm kind of a Dad-ass.
228
00:09:41,866 --> 00:09:44,067
Come on, Calvin, what's taking so long?
229
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:46,303
I got a text an hour ago
that said my car was ready.
230
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:48,905
Yeah, and you texted me a selfie.
231
00:09:48,906 --> 00:09:50,830
Everybody just calm down.
232
00:09:50,831 --> 00:09:52,042
I'm gonna get to y'all in a minute.
233
00:09:52,043 --> 00:09:53,376
And you, you delete that picture.
234
00:09:53,377 --> 00:09:54,811
I don't know you like that.
235
00:09:56,547 --> 00:09:59,382
All right. Okay, I opened
the customer profile,
236
00:09:59,383 --> 00:10:02,585
swiped to the diagnostic menu,
237
00:10:02,586 --> 00:10:04,421
- clicked "payment".
- (PHONE CHIMES)
238
00:10:04,422 --> 00:10:06,589
You just texted me
another selfie. (LAUGHS)
239
00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:10,088
Hey, Dad. I just got your message.
240
00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:12,228
- What's the problem?
- I'm gonna tell you what the problem is.
241
00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:15,332
Your stupid system got me
sending pictures to dudes!
242
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:17,767
Okay. There's nothing
wrong with the system.
243
00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:19,769
- You must've made a mistake.
- You know, the only mistake
244
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:21,171
I made was letting you come up in here
245
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,272
and mess up my business.
246
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,407
Dad, calm down, man, I'll fix it.
247
00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:26,509
No. I think you've fixed enough.
248
00:10:26,510 --> 00:10:27,744
I'm just trying to help you.
249
00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:30,747
You want to help? Get out of my shop,
250
00:10:30,748 --> 00:10:32,115
and take this thing with you.
251
00:10:32,116 --> 00:10:35,652
Fine. You don't want my
help? Stay stuck in the past.
252
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:37,520
(CHUCKLES) You don't even
know what you're talking about.
253
00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:39,622
I'm not stuck in the past.
254
00:10:39,623 --> 00:10:41,081
All right, y'all sit tight.
255
00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:43,217
I'm gonna go in here and
check my shoebox file.
256
00:10:47,684 --> 00:10:50,019
- There you go, baby.
- Oh, thank you. (CHUCKLES)
257
00:10:50,020 --> 00:10:51,573
Hey, I'm surprised Marty's not here.
258
00:10:51,574 --> 00:10:52,788
He loves your waffles.
259
00:10:52,789 --> 00:10:56,291
He's not coming. He texted to
say he's too mad at your father.
260
00:10:56,292 --> 00:10:58,360
Oh. Well, that's too bad.
261
00:10:58,361 --> 00:10:59,662
He don't know what he's missing,
262
00:10:59,663 --> 00:11:03,032
but, uh, he's about to.
263
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:05,534
Ooh. Waffles.
264
00:11:05,535 --> 00:11:06,793
Hey.
265
00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:08,185
Those are my waffles.
266
00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,844
How could you treat Marty like that?
267
00:11:09,845 --> 00:11:11,445
He was just trying to help.
268
00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:14,048
Well, all he did was make
things more complicated.
269
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,617
By the time I figured out
how to charge Mrs. Perkins
270
00:11:16,618 --> 00:11:19,620
for her oil change, she
was due for another one.
271
00:11:20,989 --> 00:11:23,190
Yeah, Pop, if you're not gonna upgrade,
272
00:11:23,191 --> 00:11:25,326
how do you expect to
compete with Motor Boys?
273
00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:26,961
Well, I'm glad you asked.
274
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:29,329
You know, I spent all night coming up
275
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:31,598
with a brilliant marketing strategy
276
00:11:31,599 --> 00:11:34,835
that is gonna bring in
tons of new business.
277
00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:36,036
Holla!
278
00:11:37,872 --> 00:11:41,475
Free tune-ups? How can
we afford to do that?
279
00:11:41,476 --> 00:11:44,144
Oh, it's easy. Just read the fine print.
280
00:11:44,145 --> 00:11:47,881
"One free tune-up
after 15 at full price.
281
00:11:47,882 --> 00:11:50,851
Offer good for one week only"?
282
00:11:52,053 --> 00:11:53,654
That's pretty slick, huh?
283
00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:55,989
(CHUCKLES) Believe what I tell you,
284
00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:59,660
Motor Boys is going down.
285
00:11:59,661 --> 00:12:01,662
So, that's your big plan?
286
00:12:01,663 --> 00:12:03,864
You gonna beat Motor Boys
by standing on the corner
287
00:12:03,865 --> 00:12:05,298
and spinning that sign?
288
00:12:05,299 --> 00:12:07,401
No. You are.
289
00:12:11,539 --> 00:12:13,173
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
290
00:12:15,677 --> 00:12:17,577
Oh, hey, Gemma. What's up?
291
00:12:17,578 --> 00:12:20,738
Not much. Just running some
errands, doing some shopping,
292
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,340
wondering if I'm a terrible mom.
293
00:12:23,551 --> 00:12:24,685
What?
294
00:12:24,686 --> 00:12:26,687
- Let me ask you something.
- Mm-hmm?
295
00:12:26,688 --> 00:12:29,423
Do you ever feel like Calvin's
a better parent than you?
296
00:12:29,424 --> 00:12:30,891
(LAUGHS)
297
00:12:33,594 --> 00:12:36,396
Girl, please. Right now he
has one son that's not talking
298
00:12:36,397 --> 00:12:39,232
to him and the other that's
out working the street corner.
299
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:42,035
Sit down. Tell me what's going on.
300
00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:44,984
Dave decided no screens
for Grover while I was gone,
301
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:46,106
and it went great.
302
00:12:46,107 --> 00:12:49,042
But every time I've tried,
it's been a disaster.
303
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:50,777
Oh, no. I'm sure it wasn't that bad.
304
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:53,780
Last time, I was so
worn out, I told Grover
305
00:12:53,781 --> 00:12:57,084
it was daylight savings and
sent him to bed at 3 o'clock.
306
00:12:57,085 --> 00:12:59,720
(CHUCKLES) Well, girl, that's nothing.
307
00:12:59,721 --> 00:13:02,222
Back when the boys were younger,
we used to play hide-and-seek.
308
00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,858
And the boys would search
around the house for an hour,
309
00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:07,127
- while I'd be napping in the car.
- (CHUCKLES)
310
00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,130
Well, Dave doesn't need any naps.
311
00:13:10,131 --> 00:13:12,399
Grover hasn't had a screen
in almost three days,
312
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,367
and he hasn't broken a sweat.
313
00:13:14,368 --> 00:13:15,936
Three days, huh?
314
00:13:15,937 --> 00:13:18,238
Hmm. Well, then, why are
315
00:13:18,239 --> 00:13:20,974
Grover and I playing Words
with Friends right now?
316
00:13:22,977 --> 00:13:24,978
Unbelievable.
317
00:13:24,979 --> 00:13:27,727
I know. What kind of
freaky eight-year-old
318
00:13:27,728 --> 00:13:30,917
knows the word "cacophony"?
319
00:13:32,153 --> 00:13:34,254
Hey, Calvin's Pit Stop.
320
00:13:34,255 --> 00:13:36,056
We got free tune-ups.
321
00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,557
Well, kind of.
322
00:13:39,093 --> 00:13:41,328
Malcolm, what the hell, man?
323
00:13:41,329 --> 00:13:43,096
You've been out here, like, two hours
324
00:13:43,097 --> 00:13:45,565
and not a single new customer's
come into the shop.
325
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:48,602
How is that my fault? Look,
nobody's paying attention.
326
00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:51,738
That's 'cause you're
spinning the sign wrong.
327
00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:53,640
Look, you need to put some stank on it.
328
00:13:54,811 --> 00:13:56,669
Pop, the sign is not the problem.
329
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,894
If you want to help your business,
330
00:13:57,895 --> 00:13:59,079
you need to listen to Marty.
331
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,015
- Oh...
- And maybe apologize to him while you're at it.
332
00:14:02,016 --> 00:14:06,153
He needs to be apologizing
to me for messing up my shop.
333
00:14:06,154 --> 00:14:08,680
Now give me this. Let me
show you how to do this, man.
334
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,270
You got to get down with
it. See that? Look at that.
335
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:12,671
Look at that... spin that. Whoo!
336
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:15,918
Look at that. Look at that.
337
00:14:15,919 --> 00:14:17,265
For example, see, check this out.
338
00:14:17,266 --> 00:14:19,267
(SHOUTING)
339
00:14:21,636 --> 00:14:24,061
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Whoa!
I killed it right there.
340
00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:25,705
Look at that. Back at it, back around.
341
00:14:25,706 --> 00:14:28,708
Up, up, you flip it, then
you, like, ride it. Like that.
342
00:14:28,709 --> 00:14:30,544
Look at that. (GRUNTS)
343
00:14:30,545 --> 00:14:31,936
I killed that. You like that?
344
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,547
Check this out right here.
345
00:14:33,548 --> 00:14:34,781
- (SHOUTS)
- Oh...
346
00:14:34,782 --> 00:14:35,982
(HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH)
347
00:14:35,983 --> 00:14:39,052
(CAR CRASHES, ALARM SOUNDS)
348
00:14:39,053 --> 00:14:40,887
You know what? On second
thought, maybe it's a good time
349
00:14:40,888 --> 00:14:42,656
- to talk to Marty.
- Yeah.
350
00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,060
(DOOR OPENS)
351
00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:48,395
Quick, Mom's home.
352
00:14:49,463 --> 00:14:50,730
Oh, what's that, bud?
353
00:14:50,731 --> 00:14:52,465
I'm the best dad of all time?
354
00:14:52,466 --> 00:14:54,034
Come here.
355
00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:58,905
Oh, hey, Gem, I didn't see you there.
356
00:14:58,906 --> 00:15:01,908
Hmm. You probably didn't hear
me come in with all the noise.
357
00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:04,811
Some might call it a cacophony.
358
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,515
I'll be upstairs.
359
00:15:10,718 --> 00:15:13,553
So, what'd you two do while I was gone?
360
00:15:13,554 --> 00:15:15,155
Well, all kinds of stuff.
361
00:15:15,156 --> 00:15:18,725
We built Legos, read
books, played board games.
362
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:20,493
Really? Which ones?
363
00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:23,663
Sorry? Risk? Trouble?
364
00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:26,433
You know, all of them.
365
00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:28,835
(TABLET CHIMES)
366
00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:29,870
What was that?
367
00:15:29,871 --> 00:15:31,271
(CHUCKLES)
368
00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:35,075
It sounds like, uh, my toast is ready.
369
00:15:35,076 --> 00:15:38,177
- (CHUCKLES)
- Ooh, I could go for some toast right now.
370
00:15:38,178 --> 00:15:39,379
Ooh.
371
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:43,083
Darn it. You know, I
forgot to put the bread in.
372
00:15:43,084 --> 00:15:44,284
(TABLET CHIMES)
373
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,355
(GASPS)
374
00:15:48,356 --> 00:15:51,858
Well, look at that. Grover was
playing Words with Tina.
375
00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:54,294
What?
376
00:15:56,898 --> 00:15:59,065
When did he... Huh.
377
00:15:59,066 --> 00:16:01,868
That little stinker.
378
00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:04,604
Dave, give it up. I know
you gave him screen time.
379
00:16:04,605 --> 00:16:06,072
Okay.
380
00:16:06,073 --> 00:16:07,941
You're right. Sorry.
381
00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:10,325
It's just that when you
said that I couldn't do it,
382
00:16:10,326 --> 00:16:11,645
it made me want to do it.
383
00:16:11,646 --> 00:16:14,814
And then when I was doing it,
I realized I couldn't do it.
384
00:16:17,051 --> 00:16:19,319
And your solution was to lie to me?
385
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,755
You made me feel like a terrible mom.
386
00:16:21,756 --> 00:16:24,391
You are not a terrible
mom. You're a great mom.
387
00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:25,959
Uh... You're the best mom.
388
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,728
Sometimes I wish you were my mom.
389
00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:31,097
Well, then, why didn't
you just tell me the truth?
390
00:16:31,098 --> 00:16:34,467
Well, because I was
disappointed with myself.
391
00:16:34,468 --> 00:16:38,972
And I really liked you thinking
that I was this amazing dad.
392
00:16:38,973 --> 00:16:42,242
You are an amazing dad.
393
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:44,077
But parenting is hard.
394
00:16:44,078 --> 00:16:47,647
And us not being honest with
each other just makes it harder.
395
00:16:47,648 --> 00:16:50,150
I know. I'm sorry.
396
00:16:53,321 --> 00:16:54,743
But I think you're right.
397
00:16:54,744 --> 00:16:57,791
Grover probably does need
to spend less time on screens.
398
00:16:57,792 --> 00:17:00,260
Well, what do you think?
Like, an hour a day?
399
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:01,928
That sounds about right.
400
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:03,797
GROVER: How about two?
401
00:17:05,199 --> 00:17:08,301
How about I put you
to bed at 3:00 again?
402
00:17:08,302 --> 00:17:11,004
GROVER: I knew that
wasn't daylight savings.
403
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,140
(LASER SOUNDS OVER HEADSET)
404
00:17:14,141 --> 00:17:16,343
Ha, ha! Nice try, aliens.
405
00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:18,812
You thought you were slick, but
there is a new Galactic Sheriff
406
00:17:18,813 --> 00:17:20,847
in town, and his name is... Oh!
407
00:17:20,848 --> 00:17:23,149
I died.
408
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,784
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
409
00:17:24,785 --> 00:17:27,053
Who is it?
410
00:17:27,054 --> 00:17:31,391
Hey, M-Marty, look, I
came by just to, uh...
411
00:17:31,392 --> 00:17:32,859
What are you doing?
412
00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:34,527
Playing a video game.
413
00:17:34,528 --> 00:17:40,033
Really? 'Cause you look like
Ray Charles trying to ski.
414
00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,469
Look, I get it. You think
technology is stupid.
415
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:44,471
But I'm kind of in the
middle of something,
416
00:17:44,472 --> 00:17:47,240
so feel free to grab a
hard candy on your way out.
417
00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:53,380
Okay.
418
00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:56,583
CALVIN: Whoa.
419
00:17:56,584 --> 00:17:58,351
MARTY: Dad? Is that you?
420
00:17:58,352 --> 00:18:02,255
What is all this stupid space crap?
421
00:18:02,256 --> 00:18:04,357
It's you.
422
00:18:04,358 --> 00:18:05,759
Hey, look, son...
423
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,994
Dad, if you want to talk,
you got to shoot some aliens.
424
00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:10,597
There's a button on
your right controller...
425
00:18:10,598 --> 00:18:12,321
Whoa, you really seem to know
426
00:18:12,322 --> 00:18:14,868
- what you're doing with that blaster.
- Of course I do.
427
00:18:14,869 --> 00:18:16,336
I'm from the streets, Marty.
428
00:18:17,571 --> 00:18:18,705
So, now what?
429
00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,006
Well, we want to take cover
430
00:18:20,007 --> 00:18:21,893
before more Kurblock drones find us.
431
00:18:21,894 --> 00:18:23,743
Follow me.
432
00:18:28,783 --> 00:18:31,885
So, son, about what
happened at the shop,
433
00:18:31,886 --> 00:18:33,920
I know you were only trying to help,
434
00:18:33,921 --> 00:18:37,724
but all your new technology
is too much change for me.
435
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,359
Look out. Laser arrows!
436
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,262
(LASER SOUNDS)
437
00:18:42,263 --> 00:18:45,231
Damn, these Kurblocks don't play.
438
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,935
Look, I know change is hard for you,
439
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:50,696
but I've seen you do it plenty of times.
440
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,972
First you resist, but once you buy in,
441
00:18:52,973 --> 00:18:55,408
- you wonder what took you so long.
- Like when?
442
00:18:55,409 --> 00:18:57,444
Like when you refused to
give up your flip phone.
443
00:18:57,445 --> 00:18:59,946
(CHUCKLES) I loved that thing.
444
00:18:59,947 --> 00:19:04,451
When you slammed it shut, people
knew you hung up on their ass.
445
00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:06,886
Yeah, but when you finally
got your smartphone,
446
00:19:06,887 --> 00:19:08,855
you realized how much better it was.
447
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,890
And how about when Mom
wanted to get a new mattress
448
00:19:10,891 --> 00:19:12,459
but you didn't want memory foam?
449
00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:14,227
I didn't like the idea of my bed
450
00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:17,063
remembering what I did
in it the night before.
451
00:19:17,064 --> 00:19:20,166
Yeah, but what happened that
first night you slept on it?
452
00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:21,835
(CHUCKLES) It was great.
453
00:19:21,836 --> 00:19:25,839
I slept so hard my left arm
didn't wake up for a week.
454
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,407
Exactly. I'm telling you,
455
00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:29,109
if you give this new system a chance,
456
00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:31,277
you're gonna pick it up
faster than you think.
457
00:19:31,278 --> 00:19:32,645
Maybe you're right.
458
00:19:32,646 --> 00:19:36,649
I am one of the smartest people I know.
459
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:40,320
See? No one believes
in you more than you.
460
00:19:40,321 --> 00:19:42,922
Thanks, son. Come on.
461
00:19:42,923 --> 00:19:44,791
Bring it in.
462
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,452
Oh, Dad, look out!
463
00:19:50,453 --> 00:19:52,312
(LASER SOUNDS)
464
00:19:52,313 --> 00:19:53,870
Kurblock, please.
465
00:19:53,871 --> 00:19:55,839
Whoo!
466
00:19:57,609 --> 00:20:00,835
MARTY: And that's why, in the
year 3215, the Galactic Assembly
467
00:20:00,836 --> 00:20:02,972
exiled the Vortulons from
the Andromeda Compact.
468
00:20:02,973 --> 00:20:06,359
Although, there were
some economic factors
469
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,661
- that played into...
- CALVIN: Marty.
470
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:11,097
What part of "the
streets" don't you get?
471
00:20:11,098 --> 00:20:14,467
I'm just here to blast these fools.
472
00:20:14,468 --> 00:20:16,002
DAVE: Oh, hey, guys.
473
00:20:17,838 --> 00:20:20,473
Dave? Are you in Marty's apartment, too?
474
00:20:20,474 --> 00:20:22,475
(CHUCKLES) No, I'm at Best Buy.
475
00:20:22,476 --> 00:20:25,511
Now that I'm back on screens,
I'm checking out VR headsets.
476
00:20:25,512 --> 00:20:27,981
Wait your turn, kid.
477
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:30,423
Well, since you're here,
478
00:20:30,424 --> 00:20:32,292
you want to help us
take out some aliens?
479
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:34,060
Actually, I came for a new vacuum.
480
00:20:34,061 --> 00:20:36,263
What do you guys think?
Do I go modern upright
481
00:20:36,264 --> 00:20:37,964
or classic canister?
482
00:20:37,965 --> 00:20:41,935
Or, and I'm just playing
devil's advocate here, Roomba?
483
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:45,205
Dave, watch out! Incoming!
484
00:20:45,206 --> 00:20:46,773
I don't see anybody.
485
00:20:46,774 --> 00:20:48,108
I was talking about me.
486
00:20:52,873 --> 00:20:56,709
Watch the Fall Finale of Modern
Family, Wednesday on Global.
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