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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,070
Show me
wax on, wax off.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:12,311
♪ ♪
3
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,548
Man:
Man, I loved the '80s.
4
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:16,085
It was the age of E.T.
Mr. T., and MTV.
5
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,355
Back then,
the world was still small.
6
00:00:18,390 --> 00:00:20,558
No cell phones
or internet or twitter.
7
00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:22,691
Your friends
lived on your street,
8
00:00:22,726 --> 00:00:24,627
and your family were the people
at your dinner table.
9
00:00:26,362 --> 00:00:28,329
If you were assuming
these smiley people
10
00:00:28,364 --> 00:00:30,734
were my family, they're not.
This is my family.
11
00:00:35,705 --> 00:00:37,690
This is how
I remember the '80s.
12
00:00:37,725 --> 00:00:39,641
There were no
parenting blogs,
13
00:00:39,676 --> 00:00:42,512
or peanut allergies;
just a whole lotta crazy.
14
00:00:42,547 --> 00:00:44,548
Ah, look at
that little geek.
15
00:00:44,583 --> 00:00:46,534
Yep, that's me,
Adam Goldberg.
16
00:00:46,569 --> 00:00:48,450
We were the first
on our block
17
00:00:48,485 --> 00:00:50,186
to get a video camera,
and I used it
18
00:00:50,221 --> 00:00:51,588
to record my entire
childhood.
19
00:00:51,623 --> 00:00:53,455
I'm home!
20
00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:54,924
The man parking his pants
at the front door,
21
00:00:54,959 --> 00:00:56,760
that's my dad,
Murray Goldberg.
22
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,760
TV's mine!
23
00:00:58,795 --> 00:01:00,628
Ever since
his last heart attack,
24
00:01:00,663 --> 00:01:02,797
he became determined
to exercise, eat better,
25
00:01:02,832 --> 00:01:06,875
- And not yell so much. It wasn't working.
- Stop with the camera!
26
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:09,209
My super-friendly
sister Erica.
27
00:01:09,244 --> 00:01:11,244
She loved to talk
to people, just not us.
28
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,882
Adam, what the hell?
I'm gonna crimp your face.
29
00:01:13,917 --> 00:01:15,182
Mom!
30
00:01:15,217 --> 00:01:18,253
Barry Goldberg,
textbook middle child,
31
00:01:18,288 --> 00:01:20,220
and classic
over-reactor.
32
00:01:20,255 --> 00:01:22,958
You're a liar, Simon!
You are a liar!
33
00:01:24,392 --> 00:01:26,293
Stop videotaping!
34
00:01:26,328 --> 00:01:28,897
And finally,
my overbearing "Smother,"
35
00:01:28,932 --> 00:01:30,664
Beverly Goldberg.
36
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:32,500
A homemaker,
a ball breaker,
37
00:01:32,535 --> 00:01:34,267
who found the time
to stay fit,
38
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,870
raise the kids,
and drive us all insane.
39
00:01:36,905 --> 00:01:40,108
Yeah, we were the family
that yelled and cursed,
40
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:43,745
but to this day,
we still love each other.
41
00:01:43,780 --> 00:01:45,280
This is my family...
42
00:01:48,617 --> 00:01:50,884
September 3, 1985.
43
00:01:50,919 --> 00:01:53,872
It began as a typical morning
in the Goldberg house.
44
00:01:53,907 --> 00:01:56,825
You don't know anything.
He's not too old for me.
45
00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:58,158
He's in college, Erica!
46
00:01:58,193 --> 00:02:00,662
Wrong. He dropped out
to start a band.
47
00:02:00,697 --> 00:02:02,030
Don't you feel
stupid now?
48
00:02:02,065 --> 00:02:03,930
Mom, they don't zip.
49
00:02:03,965 --> 00:02:05,767
Can you help me with this?
50
00:02:05,802 --> 00:02:07,801
Oh, look at you.
51
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,172
Oh, why go shopping when your
sister's jeans fit you so perfectly?
52
00:02:11,207 --> 00:02:13,106
Fit me perfectly?
They're horrible.
53
00:02:13,141 --> 00:02:15,010
They're roomy in the hips
and tight in the front.
54
00:02:15,045 --> 00:02:16,211
I look like
Brooke shields.
55
00:02:16,246 --> 00:02:18,044
And she's beautiful.
56
00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:20,146
Look, you need
to be grateful,
57
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,651
because one day, I won't
be here to help dress you.
58
00:02:22,686 --> 00:02:24,753
You keep sayin' that,
but when?
59
00:02:24,788 --> 00:02:26,722
As always, my mom
began the day
60
00:02:26,757 --> 00:02:28,622
by dressing us,
feeding us,
61
00:02:28,657 --> 00:02:31,026
and ignoring any sense
of human boundaries.
62
00:02:31,061 --> 00:02:33,260
Where's my baby?
63
00:02:33,295 --> 00:02:36,831
Happy birthday. What do
you want for breakfast?
64
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,633
- Privacy!
- Oh, please.
65
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,769
Don't forget
to wash your bottom.
66
00:02:41,804 --> 00:02:43,638
Barry was in
a rare good mood.
67
00:02:43,673 --> 00:02:45,138
He was turning 16,
68
00:02:45,173 --> 00:02:47,676
a day he'd been
waiting for his whole life.
69
00:02:47,711 --> 00:02:50,010
It's jingling.
It's keys.
70
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,614
Keys means car, car means
freedom from all you monsters.
71
00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:53,882
I love you, mom.
72
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,820
What the hell is this?
73
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:01,254
It's a locket.
74
00:03:01,289 --> 00:03:03,658
It's got my picture
inside so you can
75
00:03:03,693 --> 00:03:06,027
always have your mother
near your heart.
76
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,196
Sweetie, you're just
not ready to drive.
77
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:13,301
You're too immature, and quite
honestly, a little high-Strung.
78
00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:15,302
I am not high-Strung!
79
00:03:15,337 --> 00:03:17,872
I'm strung just fine, like
a tennis racket or a banjo-
80
00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:19,839
You know,
I think it's great,
81
00:03:19,874 --> 00:03:21,609
'cause all the cool guys
in my grade,
82
00:03:21,644 --> 00:03:23,310
- They have mom lockets.
- Hey!
83
00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:25,013
- All of 'em.
- don't poke the bear, all right?
84
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:27,347
You don't wanna
wear it, fine.
85
00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:29,718
- I'll throw it in the trash.
- Go ahead.
86
00:03:29,753 --> 00:03:31,318
- Here I go.
- do it.
87
00:03:31,353 --> 00:03:34,789
- Go ahead.
- Gonna go in the garbage.
88
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:36,122
Unbelievable.
89
00:03:36,157 --> 00:03:38,559
You were gonna let me
throw this in the trash.
90
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,927
Totally irresponsible.
You're not driving.
91
00:03:40,962 --> 00:03:43,431
Oh, god. Dad, please talk
some sense into your wife.
92
00:03:43,466 --> 00:03:46,051
She saying some pretty
Controversial things over there.
93
00:03:46,086 --> 00:03:48,636
I agree with Whatever
nonsense your mother just said.
94
00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:51,306
Come on,
this is not fair.
95
00:03:52,907 --> 00:03:56,144
Who the hell told you
life was fair, ya moron?
96
00:03:56,179 --> 00:03:57,944
Dad's colorful
way of speaking
97
00:03:57,979 --> 00:03:59,931
may seem a bit harsh;
it really wasn't.
98
00:03:59,966 --> 00:04:01,883
You just had to learn
how to speak Murray.
99
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:03,717
It's 2:00 A.M.
100
00:04:03,752 --> 00:04:06,721
I thought you were dead.
I could kill you.
101
00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:12,025
You broke it.
It's amazing.
102
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:14,829
You little bastards
ruin everything.
103
00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:22,771
For someone so smart,
you sure act like an idiot.
104
00:04:25,707 --> 00:04:27,742
All right,
stop your pouting.
105
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:29,609
I got you something,
106
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,379
and I think
you're gonna like it.
107
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:39,843
Reo speedwagon?
108
00:04:39,878 --> 00:04:41,777
This is top 40!
109
00:04:41,812 --> 00:04:43,507
You don't know me at all.
110
00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:46,312
I'm into rap, the poetry
of the streets. Come on!
111
00:04:46,347 --> 00:04:48,747
No, no, I talked to
the guy at Sam Goody.
112
00:04:48,782 --> 00:04:50,347
He said it was
a hip track.
113
00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,650
Well, did you talk
to Sam Goody himself?
114
00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:55,421
Huh? Did you? No. You
talked to a random jag-off
115
00:04:55,456 --> 00:04:57,589
who knows nothing
about real music.
116
00:04:57,624 --> 00:04:59,523
You weren't there, okay?
117
00:04:59,558 --> 00:05:01,627
The guy had an earring,
he had a Jean jacket,
118
00:05:01,662 --> 00:05:03,861
covered in buttons.
Covered!
119
00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:05,597
Don't get your father
all worked up.
120
00:05:05,632 --> 00:05:07,631
I'm already
all worked up.
121
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:10,167
- Honey...
- Calm down, breathe. I'm breathin', okay?
122
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,771
You're killing your father. I hope
you're having a happy birthday.
123
00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:18,377
Barry had one last visitor,
my grandfather, pops,
124
00:05:18,412 --> 00:05:20,678
who was 80 years
of pure awesome.
125
00:05:20,713 --> 00:05:23,816
I hear someone turned
16 and could use a new car.
126
00:05:23,851 --> 00:05:26,116
Holy crap! For me?
127
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,518
I don't love you
that much.
128
00:05:27,553 --> 00:05:30,289
This baby's mine.
You get my old one.
129
00:05:30,324 --> 00:05:32,122
- Yes!
- No!
130
00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:33,726
I didn't get a car
when I turned 16.
131
00:05:33,761 --> 00:05:35,859
What do you need
a car for?
132
00:05:35,894 --> 00:05:39,131
With your looks, you can get
a ride from any boy in town.
133
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:41,799
Here you go.
134
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,802
It was the moment
Barry had Waited for
135
00:05:43,837 --> 00:05:46,103
his whole life.
136
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:49,808
Those keys meant freedom,
and no man could stop him.
137
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,110
But my mom could.
138
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,478
Not gonna happen, Dad.
139
00:05:54,513 --> 00:05:55,848
We've decided
Barry can't drive.
140
00:05:55,883 --> 00:05:57,381
Barry: What?!
141
00:05:57,416 --> 00:05:59,283
so Barry has a car
and no license,
142
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,421
and I have a license and
no car. That makes no sense.
143
00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:04,254
You know what else
makes no sense?
144
00:06:04,289 --> 00:06:07,426
Those Peach wine coolers
I found hiding in your closet.
145
00:06:07,461 --> 00:06:08,759
Yeah, I'm everywhere.
146
00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:11,695
This is the Worst
birthday ever.
147
00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:14,133
The only one who
understands me is flavor flav.
148
00:06:17,136 --> 00:06:19,370
Who runs like that?
149
00:06:19,405 --> 00:06:21,140
Are we havin'
a drag race?
150
00:06:21,175 --> 00:06:22,840
What's with
the bird car?
151
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:25,194
My father thinks
he's Burt Reynolds.
152
00:06:25,229 --> 00:06:27,689
The sexiest man alive?
Yes, I do.
153
00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:30,114
Hey, kiddo, pick you up
after school?
154
00:06:30,149 --> 00:06:33,419
Um, we're goin' to the "Y"
To do some water aerobics.
155
00:06:33,454 --> 00:06:35,571
It's good for
his circulation.
156
00:06:35,606 --> 00:06:37,654
Swimming
was just our cover.
157
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,325
Pops really took me
to the house of waffles
158
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,395
to teach me
the finer things in life.
159
00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,430
And you can't just
go in and honk 'em.
160
00:06:44,465 --> 00:06:46,630
It's all about the cuppage.
161
00:06:46,665 --> 00:06:49,401
Be gentle. Those puppies
are sensitive.
162
00:06:49,436 --> 00:06:51,938
I just wanna
bury my face in 'em.
163
00:06:51,973 --> 00:06:54,440
We all do,
but you gotta earn it.
164
00:06:54,475 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaking of,
165
00:06:56,675 --> 00:06:59,812
where are we on
operation waffle girl?
166
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:07,169
Her name was
Zoe Mcintosh.
167
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:09,688
She was
the complete package.
168
00:07:09,723 --> 00:07:11,522
Beautiful, older,
169
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:14,409
and her dad was
our family podiatrist.
170
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:17,262
Okay, last week,
we told her your name.
171
00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:18,695
Let's see if it stuck.
172
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,331
Oh, miss, could you
top me off?
173
00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:24,102
No, no, pops.
Too bossy. Pops, stop.
174
00:07:24,137 --> 00:07:26,839
We can't do this.
I'm not ready.
175
00:07:26,874 --> 00:07:28,841
Whassup, girl?
176
00:07:30,142 --> 00:07:31,943
The check, please.
177
00:07:31,978 --> 00:07:33,710
You got it, Allen.
178
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,582
Did you hear that?
She just called me Allen.
179
00:07:36,617 --> 00:07:38,248
That's not your name.
180
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,250
I'll change it.
I'm Allen now.
181
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:42,921
Pops, you're a genius.
Thank you, jedi master.
182
00:07:47,826 --> 00:07:49,795
You're not making
this easy, kid.
183
00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:52,262
Sorry.
184
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,431
You're like my own
personal obi Wan kenobi,
185
00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:57,469
but instead of the force, you're
teaching me how to get freaky.
186
00:07:57,504 --> 00:08:00,539
- Who's elbow cannoli?
- Is that Barry?
187
00:08:00,574 --> 00:08:02,458
Barry, what
are you doing?
188
00:08:02,493 --> 00:08:04,308
Eating day-Old doughnuts.
189
00:08:04,343 --> 00:08:06,578
My friend Terrence,
he's the manager.
190
00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:08,948
- He leaves 'em out back for me.
- Why?
191
00:08:08,983 --> 00:08:11,248
It's called eating
your feelings, ass bag.
192
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:14,586
Mom's gonna walk me to the bus
till I'm 40, all right?
193
00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:16,520
Put down
the garbage cruller.
194
00:08:16,555 --> 00:08:18,690
I'm gonna figure out
a way to get you that license,
195
00:08:18,725 --> 00:08:21,126
and my car.
Come on.
196
00:08:21,161 --> 00:08:22,594
Really?
197
00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:27,582
As we cruised in Pops'
new ride, we felt like kings.
198
00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:30,602
It didn't matter that my mom
said Barry couldn't drive.
199
00:08:30,637 --> 00:08:32,870
Our grandfather
would fix that.
200
00:08:32,905 --> 00:08:35,841
He was always cooking up a plan
in that brilliant mind of his.
201
00:08:35,876 --> 00:08:37,910
All right, pops,
you said you had a plan.
202
00:08:37,945 --> 00:08:40,377
Whatcha thinkin'?
203
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:42,414
Pops, you okay?
204
00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:58,397
Okay, his mind wasn't
what it used to be,
205
00:08:58,432 --> 00:09:00,465
but his appetite
still was.
206
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,168
So who wants nuggets?
207
00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:09,608
Pops was booked with
reckless endangerment,
208
00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:12,044
we were all
thrown behind bars.
209
00:09:12,079 --> 00:09:14,411
That is,
until our mom arrived.
210
00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:18,150
Are you proud of yourself, locking
up an old man and two little boys?
211
00:09:18,185 --> 00:09:20,252
God help the poor soul
that tried to push us around.
212
00:09:20,287 --> 00:09:21,971
That was her job.
213
00:09:22,006 --> 00:09:23,620
Memorize this face,
214
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,325
because it is going
to haunt your dreams, sir.
215
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,895
It is gonna haunt
your dreams.
216
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,795
Are you guys okay?
217
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:34,700
No, I'm not okay. Barry
took a dump in front of us.
218
00:09:34,735 --> 00:09:36,368
I had to go.
219
00:09:37,669 --> 00:09:40,239
It was bad.
220
00:09:44,142 --> 00:09:46,695
I'm telling you,
it wasn't my fault.
221
00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:49,248
The next morning,
mom lowered the boom,
222
00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:50,881
and took pops' keys.
223
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,116
I'm not one of
your kids, Bev.
224
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:55,687
You can't boss me around.
I do the bossing.
225
00:09:55,722 --> 00:09:57,740
Dad, I'm just
trying to help you.
226
00:09:57,775 --> 00:09:59,723
Your mind is not
what it used to be.
227
00:09:59,758 --> 00:10:01,893
As always, the neighbors
came out to watch.
228
00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:03,627
Oh, hello, Gina.
229
00:10:03,662 --> 00:10:06,448
Why don't you take a
picture? It'll last longer.
230
00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:09,143
For the record, Gina,
that's my mom's best friend.
231
00:10:09,178 --> 00:10:12,276
Can I go now? I've got a
date with Shirley Nagle.
232
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,374
She's got 12 grandkids,
so you know she puts out.
233
00:10:15,409 --> 00:10:18,310
Cut the crap, Albert.
Okay? Cut it!
234
00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:19,676
It's all life.
235
00:10:19,711 --> 00:10:22,247
You lose your keys,
Barry gets some keys.
236
00:10:22,282 --> 00:10:24,314
It's the circle
of driving.
237
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:27,619
Looks like I better get on
home and take this all in.
238
00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:29,386
- can I have the keys?
- No.
239
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:32,357
- You're out of my will.
- You're out of my will.
240
00:10:32,392 --> 00:10:34,760
That's right.
We'll see who croaks first.
241
00:10:34,795 --> 00:10:36,159
Barry: Wait, wait.
242
00:10:36,194 --> 00:10:37,496
Does this mean
I can drive?
243
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:39,463
- Yes.
- No!
244
00:10:39,498 --> 00:10:42,668
Hon, I said Barry was
not ready, and you agreed.
245
00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:45,171
In my defense,
I wasn't listening.
246
00:10:45,206 --> 00:10:47,540
Whenever my dad
disagreed with my mom,
247
00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:49,840
this would happen
five minutes later.
248
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:52,244
Who watches Adam sleep
In case his asthma kicks in?
249
00:10:52,279 --> 00:10:53,610
Me.
250
00:10:53,645 --> 00:10:55,547
She'd guilt him
into submission.
251
00:10:55,582 --> 00:10:57,449
Who bought the family
a new hamster
252
00:10:57,484 --> 00:10:59,551
because you sat
on herbie? Me.
253
00:10:59,586 --> 00:11:01,285
But not this time.
254
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,522
My dad always had
a soft spot for Barry,
255
00:11:03,557 --> 00:11:05,422
so he decided
to help the kid.
256
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,426
...all the dirty work
that you don't wanna do.
257
00:11:07,461 --> 00:11:09,612
Bevvy, you live
for those things.
258
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:11,773
Now that the kids
are growing older,
259
00:11:11,808 --> 00:11:14,021
your whole world
is falling apart.
260
00:11:14,056 --> 00:11:16,380
My world is fine,
thank you very much.
261
00:11:16,415 --> 00:11:18,669
Okay, if you got
no problem letting go,
262
00:11:18,704 --> 00:11:22,240
then I'm gonna take Barry
for a driving lesson.
263
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:26,343
You two stuck in
the same car together?
264
00:11:26,378 --> 00:11:29,514
That'll go well.
Good luck not flipping out.
265
00:11:29,549 --> 00:11:32,167
I don't need luck.
I'm gonna teach him good.
266
00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:34,751
I'm gonna parent
the out of him.
267
00:11:34,786 --> 00:11:37,389
Barry, daddy's gonna
teach you how to drive.
268
00:11:37,424 --> 00:11:39,041
Seriously?
269
00:11:39,076 --> 00:11:40,659
Uh-huh.
270
00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:46,096
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Yeah, that's right.
271
00:11:46,131 --> 00:11:48,500
- Barry's driving.
- Unreal. I raised a moron.
272
00:11:51,236 --> 00:11:53,372
My dad was determined
to do the impossible.
273
00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:54,871
Not yell.
274
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,540
Stop screaming, please.
275
00:11:56,575 --> 00:12:00,544
Okay, the brakes.
You're riding the brakes.
276
00:12:00,579 --> 00:12:03,482
You gotta put your foot on the
gas some time. You go so slow.
277
00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,215
- Let him pass.
- Who?
278
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,901
The guy on the moped.
Let him pass.
279
00:12:06,936 --> 00:12:08,553
- Let him pass.
- Go ahead. Okay.
280
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,789
Now, we're going
to make a right.
281
00:12:12,824 --> 00:12:15,627
Before we get to the
right, turn on your signal.
282
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,762
Not the wipers.
283
00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:20,864
It's just smearing
everything around.
284
00:12:20,899 --> 00:12:23,568
- Oh, my god!
- You gotta let me out of this car, man.
285
00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:26,238
- I can't die before I cop a feel.
- Shut up, okay?
286
00:12:26,273 --> 00:12:28,758
You wanna die,
I'll kill you right now.
287
00:12:28,793 --> 00:12:31,286
Hey, both of you.
Do not hit the child
288
00:12:31,321 --> 00:12:33,617
in the back.
That's way too advanced.
289
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,879
- Too advanced.
- Turn off the wipers,
290
00:12:35,914 --> 00:12:38,250
- Make a "U," We're goin' home.
- Home? No, no.
291
00:12:38,285 --> 00:12:40,352
This is my one chance
to get my license,
292
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:42,138
and I'm getting it,
all right?
293
00:12:42,173 --> 00:12:43,889
You blew it.
Stop the car.
294
00:12:46,792 --> 00:12:48,358
What are you doing?
295
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:51,528
Go around.
296
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,432
My son's a moron.
Go around.
297
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:58,120
go! He's a moron. Get
out, I'm takin' the wheel.
298
00:12:58,155 --> 00:13:00,806
No, you said it was my
turn. Circle of driving.
299
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:02,541
- Open up.
- No.
300
00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:04,977
- Open up.
- No!
301
00:13:05,012 --> 00:13:06,929
No, no, no, no.
302
00:13:06,964 --> 00:13:08,812
Are you kidding me?
303
00:13:08,847 --> 00:13:11,316
Well, you can't stay
in there forever.
304
00:13:13,652 --> 00:13:17,854
Forever, no,
but 20 minutes, absolutely.
305
00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,525
Barry, the cop just said
he's gonna tow the car.
306
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,193
- Well, I would, too.
- God!
307
00:13:23,228 --> 00:13:25,697
And then, things went
from bad to worse.
308
00:13:25,732 --> 00:13:27,866
My mom arrived.
309
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,468
Who called her?
310
00:13:31,503 --> 00:13:33,271
I'll give you a hint.
It was me.
311
00:13:33,306 --> 00:13:35,605
Barry, open up.
312
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,211
Get out! Get out
now! Get out, get out!
313
00:13:42,247 --> 00:13:44,783
Let me in, let me in. You're
not gonna get punished.
314
00:13:44,818 --> 00:13:46,850
Come on, we'll go
for pizza.
315
00:13:46,885 --> 00:13:49,688
You wanna go for pizza? Ice
cream? Let me in! Let me in!
316
00:13:49,723 --> 00:13:52,657
So this is what happens
when you're in charge, huh?
317
00:13:52,692 --> 00:13:54,357
City-Wide traffic jam.
318
00:13:54,392 --> 00:13:56,294
Whose world is
falling apart now?
319
00:13:56,329 --> 00:13:58,196
- Man: Move the car.
- Shut up!
320
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,367
Albert, these kids
adore you.
321
00:14:02,402 --> 00:14:03,869
talk to the boy.
322
00:14:03,904 --> 00:14:05,735
Absolutely.
323
00:14:05,770 --> 00:14:08,373
Fight the power, Barry.
You can drive.
324
00:14:08,408 --> 00:14:10,240
It's a god-Given right.
325
00:14:10,275 --> 00:14:12,544
In that moment,
my dad expected my mom
326
00:14:12,579 --> 00:14:14,377
to go nuclear.
327
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:16,347
But then, she did
something even worse.
328
00:14:16,382 --> 00:14:18,884
This is your mess,
you clean it up.
329
00:14:18,919 --> 00:14:21,386
She left him
in charge of Barry.
330
00:14:21,421 --> 00:14:27,526
I regret nothing!
331
00:14:35,734 --> 00:14:36,632
In all the chaos,
332
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:40,542
pops and I were able to sneak out
to work on operation waffle girl.
333
00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:42,610
Welcome back, boys.
What'll it be?
334
00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:45,045
I don't know.
What do you think, Allen?
335
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,284
Let's pull the trigger. Two
Monte cristos, all the trimmings.
336
00:14:48,319 --> 00:14:51,452
- Ahem. All that fried meat and cheese?
- Mom?!
337
00:14:51,487 --> 00:14:54,590
- You're gonna be on the bowl for hours.
- Mom, leave now. Go.
338
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:57,191
I'll come back.
339
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,261
I see what's
going on.
340
00:14:59,296 --> 00:15:01,262
Someone has a crush.
341
00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:03,699
So adorable.
Not gonna happen.
342
00:15:03,734 --> 00:15:06,066
- Excuse me?
- Here we go.
343
00:15:06,101 --> 00:15:08,037
Well, I have to
draw the line somewhere.
344
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:09,536
Erica's rushing off
to college,
345
00:15:09,571 --> 00:15:12,274
Barry wants to drive,
and now, you want a date?
346
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:14,443
You still play with
toy robots.
347
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,543
They're gobots,
and one day,
348
00:15:16,578 --> 00:15:18,914
- They'll be worth millions.
- They weren't.
349
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:20,766
Baby, you're not
ready for girls.
350
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,693
You don't even
have pit hair.
351
00:15:22,728 --> 00:15:24,551
- I have three.
- I didn't.
352
00:15:24,586 --> 00:15:26,520
Dad, how could you
encourage this?
353
00:15:26,555 --> 00:15:30,059
'cause he's in sixth grade.
Loosen your damn grip, Bev.
354
00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:32,259
Yeah, I'm a man now,
a man with needs,
355
00:15:32,294 --> 00:15:35,030
and I need Zoe and her
sweet, delicate boobs,
356
00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:37,232
And you can't stop me.
357
00:15:43,539 --> 00:15:45,607
You're out of my will!
358
00:15:49,111 --> 00:15:51,080
Whatever that means.
359
00:15:52,648 --> 00:15:54,982
This is your fault,
you know.
360
00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:57,219
If I knew that's why you drove him
here, I never would've allowed it.
361
00:15:57,254 --> 00:16:00,656
You wanna know why I won't
give up my license, Bev?
362
00:16:00,691 --> 00:16:04,059
You wanna get with Shirley
Nagle. Yes, we get it.
363
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:06,393
Shirley Nagle.
Are you kidding me?
364
00:16:06,428 --> 00:16:09,131
I got that locked down,
but if you take away my car,
365
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,551
you take away my time
with my grandson.
366
00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:13,936
Getting waffles
with that little guy,
367
00:16:13,971 --> 00:16:16,305
it's the best part
of my week.
368
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:19,139
Oh, dad.
369
00:16:19,174 --> 00:16:21,342
I didn't know that.
370
00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:24,125
You'll make it right, Bev.
371
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,693
I know you will.
372
00:16:29,797 --> 00:16:32,098
If my mom realized
she had to let go,
373
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:35,503
dad decided it was time
to get more involved.
374
00:16:35,538 --> 00:16:37,656
I guess you were
right, okay?
375
00:16:37,691 --> 00:16:40,334
It looks like
I'll never drive.
376
00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:42,977
Any dummy can
learn to drive,
377
00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:45,446
even a dummy
like you.
378
00:16:45,481 --> 00:16:46,913
Come on, dad.
379
00:16:46,948 --> 00:16:49,200
You got me
an reo speedwagon tape.
380
00:16:49,235 --> 00:16:51,452
You don't know
anything about me.
381
00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,386
Trust me, I do.
382
00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:56,524
I know you go through
life feeling all angry,
383
00:16:56,559 --> 00:16:58,993
let down, misunderstood.
384
00:16:59,028 --> 00:17:01,060
I get it.
385
00:17:01,095 --> 00:17:03,529
Wow. That's...
386
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,399
Yeah. Do you ever cry
into your Pillow?
387
00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:09,737
No, I don't cry into my pillow.
Who cries in their pillow?
388
00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:11,537
Not me. I don't.
389
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,674
Here's what
I'm gonna do.
390
00:17:13,709 --> 00:17:15,742
I'm gonna
talk to your mom,
391
00:17:15,777 --> 00:17:18,947
and tell her that she's gotta
let you get your driver's license.
392
00:17:18,982 --> 00:17:20,880
- Really?
- Yes.
393
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,418
Thank you, and can you also
convince her to get a hobby?
394
00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:25,820
Knitting, break dancing,
anything besides us.
395
00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:28,421
Yes, I'm working
on it, kid.
396
00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:31,492
Turns out, our dad did have
a good heart after all.
397
00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,594
He just had to open it up
once in a while.
398
00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,930
You know what?
I don't say it a lot,
399
00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:38,431
but...
400
00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:40,568
you're not a total
moron all the time.
401
00:17:46,474 --> 00:17:47,976
Can I drive?
402
00:17:48,011 --> 00:17:50,411
No!
403
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,752
Oh, come on.
Not reo speedwagon.
404
00:17:57,787 --> 00:18:01,387
Hey, this is good stuff.
405
00:18:01,422 --> 00:18:03,591
Okay? I've been
listening to it.
406
00:18:09,597 --> 00:18:12,100
♪ What started out
as friendship's ♪
407
00:18:12,135 --> 00:18:14,902
♪ gettin' stronger ♪
come on.
408
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:19,907
♪...have the strength
to let it show ♪
409
00:18:19,942 --> 00:18:21,674
here we go.
Join me.
410
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:24,645
♪ I can't stop
this feeling ♪
411
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,846
Both: ♪ Anymore ♪
412
00:18:26,881 --> 00:18:32,086
♪ I've forgotten
what I started fighting for ♪
413
00:18:32,121 --> 00:18:34,020
Look at you!
414
00:18:34,055 --> 00:18:37,725
♪ It's time to bring
this ship into the shore ♪
415
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,962
♪ and throw away
the oars ♪
416
00:18:40,997 --> 00:18:42,964
♪ forever ♪
417
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:51,055
♪ 'Cause I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
418
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:56,544
♪ I've forgotten what
I started fighting for ♪
419
00:18:56,579 --> 00:18:58,379
what are you,
uh, doing?
420
00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:01,080
Nothing.
421
00:19:01,115 --> 00:19:03,951
Those the kids'
baby blankets?
422
00:19:03,986 --> 00:19:06,052
You got me.
423
00:19:06,087 --> 00:19:07,889
Sometimes I smell 'em
when I feel sad.
424
00:19:07,924 --> 00:19:09,941
That's not weird, is it?
425
00:19:09,976 --> 00:19:11,959
Well, a little weird.
426
00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:19,665
Yeah, my world
is caving in.
427
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,369
I've given those kids
everything,
428
00:19:22,404 --> 00:19:25,004
and now that
they're growing up,
429
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,608
and don't need me as
much, what do I have?
430
00:19:27,643 --> 00:19:30,378
Me. I'm not
goin' anywhere.
431
00:19:34,015 --> 00:19:37,085
All right, let me
have a sniff.
432
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:47,478
♪ And I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
433
00:19:47,513 --> 00:19:53,109
♪ I've forgotten what
I started fighting for ♪
434
00:19:53,144 --> 00:19:58,706
♪ it's time to bring
this ship into the shore ♪
435
00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:05,545
♪ and throw away
the oars forever ♪
436
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:08,047
♪ 'Cause I can't fight
this feeling... ♪
437
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:12,120
forget about the diner. They just opened
this place, I think you may like it.
438
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:17,542
♪ I've forgotten what
I started fighting for ♪
439
00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:22,930
♪ it's time to bring
this ship into the shore ♪
440
00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:29,702
♪ and throw away
the oars forever ♪
441
00:20:29,737 --> 00:20:33,508
♪ 'Cause I can't fight
this feeling anymore ♪
442
00:20:33,543 --> 00:20:35,041
and with that,
443
00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:37,043
the circle of driving
was finally complete.
444
00:20:37,078 --> 00:20:42,416
♪ I've forgotten what
I started fighting for ♪
445
00:20:42,451 --> 00:20:46,754
♪ and if I have to
crawl upon the floor ♪
446
00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:49,891
♪ come crushing
through your door ♪
447
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,398
I raised a moron.
448
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:01,536
Classic.
449
00:21:05,573 --> 00:21:08,109
You're aggravating me,
you little bastard!
450
00:21:08,144 --> 00:21:10,645
He's aggravating me,
the little bastard.
451
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,914
The sexiest man alive?
Yes, I do.
452
00:21:12,949 --> 00:21:15,414
But I'm drinkin' tonight.
453
00:21:15,449 --> 00:21:17,350
Don't forget
to wash your bottom.
454
00:21:17,385 --> 00:21:19,387
I don't believe you.
You're really a jackass.
455
00:21:19,422 --> 00:21:22,623
Stop videotaping!
Get out! Mom...
456
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,426
Stop!
I swear...
457
00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:30,097
Good-Bye.
458
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,090
September 24, ABC is taking you
459
00:21:58,125 --> 00:22:00,465
back to a decade
that was totally awesome.
460
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:03,125
The only one who
understands me is Flavor Flav.
461
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,142
Who runs like that?
462
00:22:06,177 --> 00:22:09,090
In the 1980s...
463
00:22:09,125 --> 00:22:11,708
Why go shopping when your sister's
jeans fit you so perfectly?
464
00:22:11,743 --> 00:22:12,834
I look like Brooke Sheilds.
465
00:22:12,869 --> 00:22:14,059
And she's beautiful.
466
00:22:14,094 --> 00:22:15,215
Family communication...
467
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,125
What the hell?
I'm going to crimp your face.
468
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,497
...wasn't exactly PC.
469
00:22:19,532 --> 00:22:21,799
I raised a moron.
470
00:22:21,834 --> 00:22:24,750
The Goldbergs.
Premieres Tuesday September 24 on ABC.
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