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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,802 All right, Mom. Thanks for dropping me off. 2 00:00:05,803 --> 00:00:07,514 Shall I wait for you? 3 00:00:07,515 --> 00:00:11,146 No, um, Mohammed's gonna do his katb-ketab right after prayer, so... 4 00:00:11,147 --> 00:00:13,652 I don't understand. Why is he getting married before you? 5 00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:15,739 - Okay. I gotta go. - MAYSA: Hey. 6 00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,578 Maybe you can find a girl in there. 7 00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,874 I'm not gonna flirt with girls at the mosque. 8 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:24,369 Why not? The girls in there are high quality. 9 00:00:24,455 --> 00:00:27,303 The mosque is for praying, it's not for picking people up. 10 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:30,048 It's, like, a bunch of families too, and you can't just 11 00:00:30,082 --> 00:00:33,775 walk up to a Muslim girl and, like, start spitting game or something. 12 00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:36,864 What am I supposed to say? Like, "Hey, can I get your father's number?" 13 00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:38,409 Yes. Why not? 14 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,965 - I-I gotta go. I'm gonna be late. - [Unintelligible] 15 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,714 Ramy, do you want to stay alone forever? 16 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,302 No, Mom, I-I don't. 17 00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:48,842 Just 'cause I'm not with someone doesn't 18 00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:50,433 mean I'm gonna be alone forever, okay? 19 00:00:50,434 --> 00:00:53,858 I-I'm... I'm just figuring it out, okay? 20 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:56,822 Hey. 21 00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:04,921 [CHATTER] 22 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,799 [CHATTER] 23 00:01:27,967 --> 00:01:29,680 [WATER RUNNING] 24 00:01:30,932 --> 00:01:32,977 [GARGLING] 25 00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,152 [CHATTER] 26 00:02:00,098 --> 00:02:01,120 Halal? 27 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,529 Listen, man, I don't know what you're talking about. I just... 28 00:02:08,423 --> 00:02:10,863 Actually, I think we should just go catch prayers, 'cause... 29 00:02:40,947 --> 00:02:43,535 [SPEAKING ARABIC] 30 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,917 I think God knows what's in my heart. I don't think I have to... 31 00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,893 [WATER RUNNING] 32 00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:01,215 [SPEAKING ARABIC] 33 00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,159 What the... 34 00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:13,219 [MAN CHANTING PRAYERS] 35 00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:27,271 Synced & corrected by reggielist www.addic7ed.com 36 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,342 Welcome, beloved... [SPEAKING IN ARABIC] 37 00:03:33,623 --> 00:03:37,475 Today you are here as family and as intimate companions 38 00:03:38,029 --> 00:03:42,027 to witness the joining of Mohammed and Yasmeen. 39 00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,573 - You're gonna die alone, bro. - What? 40 00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:45,742 - Yeah. - He's right, Ramy. 41 00:03:45,743 --> 00:03:47,480 - You're running out of options. - Dude... 42 00:03:47,514 --> 00:03:49,176 There's only two hot Muslim girls left in town, 43 00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,543 and they'll be gone by the end of the year. 44 00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:52,254 Are you talking about Fatima and Hadiya, bro? 45 00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:54,175 - AHMED: Yeah. - They are not hot. 46 00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,262 - To me they are. - You need to get your eyes checked. 47 00:03:56,263 --> 00:03:58,810 Go and get some LASIK. They're not hot. 48 00:03:58,982 --> 00:04:01,147 You need to go outside of the network if you want to find quality. 49 00:04:01,148 --> 00:04:03,276 Dude, I'm fine. It's not a big deal. 50 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,532 My cousin had to do that. It took forever, man. 51 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,451 Finally, my aunt found him a girl in Ohio. 52 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:09,581 - Look... - MO: Yeah, but now he lives in Ohio. 53 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,750 Ohio sucks. 54 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,506 - WOMAN: Shh! - Okay. Sorry. It's just... 55 00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:16,261 Look, you need to find a girl ASAP, okay? 56 00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:18,933 ASAP. You're getting old, bro, 57 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,271 - and your hairline is not looking good. - It's fine... 58 00:04:21,272 --> 00:04:23,832 You're gonna be on Muslim Match, swiping through divorced chicks. 59 00:04:23,975 --> 00:04:25,655 You're gonna be raising other people's babies. 60 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,326 All right, can we just stop, man? All right? I... There's nothing... 61 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:30,372 - Bro, it's way worse than I thought. - RAMY: Listen! 62 00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:33,086 - Stop, stop. It's fine. Listen... - It's not fine. You got a situation. 63 00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,550 - Your curls are not gonna save you. - RAMY: Okay, listen... 64 00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:37,094 There's only so much they can cover. 65 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,265 I don't have to find a Muslim girl, all right? 66 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:40,585 I've actually been seeing this girl Chloe 67 00:04:40,618 --> 00:04:41,896 for a little bit, and it's going well. 68 00:04:41,897 --> 00:04:44,192 - No! Are you out of your mind? - He must be! 69 00:04:44,193 --> 00:04:46,154 White girls suck, bro. You can't keep dating 'em. 70 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,241 One, they're always walking around barefoot. 71 00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:49,870 - That's crazy. - They have no morals. 72 00:04:49,871 --> 00:04:51,957 - No morals. - And they're always jumping in stuff. 73 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,920 - Always. - What do you mean, "jumping in stuff"? 74 00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:56,174 They're just jumping in stuff that's none of their business, man. 75 00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:59,147 They skinny-dip. You don't want a wife that skinny-dips. 76 00:04:59,615 --> 00:05:03,014 You want a wife that swims at normal times, with proper attire. 77 00:05:03,217 --> 00:05:05,527 Not this nakedness. You need to find someone 78 00:05:05,528 --> 00:05:08,365 who knows where you came from and what you believe in. 79 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,369 And someone who's hot. 80 00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:11,454 [RAMY SCOFFS] 81 00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:14,711 Just have your parents hook it up. They keep tabs on everyone. 82 00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:17,049 That's what I did. It's the best decision I made. 83 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,511 Shh! 84 00:05:18,512 --> 00:05:20,305 I'm sorry, baby. 85 00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,851 She's so hot. 86 00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,395 My mom did that. 87 00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:26,025 - These guys are idiots. - Hey. 88 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,821 But everything they said is true. 89 00:05:28,193 --> 00:05:29,575 AHMED: White girls suck. 90 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:32,582 You don't want to do that. You don't want to go down that road. 91 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,462 ♪ You're sleeping in my bed ♪ 92 00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:39,051 ♪ Even when I'm not at home ♪ 93 00:05:39,052 --> 00:05:41,724 ♪ I have to make some money ♪ 94 00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:44,366 ♪ While you're in sheets all alone ♪ 95 00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,393 [SILENCE] 96 00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:53,916 [RUSTLING] 97 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,795 - CHLOE: Ramy? - Um... [CHUCKLES] 98 00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:19,633 - What are you doing? - I was just... 99 00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:22,137 Are you... Is that the condom that we just used? 100 00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:25,310 - Yeah, I was just, you know... - Cleaning it? Or... 101 00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,859 I was just checking if there was any holes in it. You know... 102 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:30,182 Why would there be a hole? 103 00:06:30,216 --> 00:06:32,408 You ever see the way they ship these things? It's, like, on a truck. 104 00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:34,746 There's, like, a bunch of dudes. And, like, who are those dudes? 105 00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,374 Like, I don't know them, you don't know... You know? 106 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:39,620 So this just... just to make sure that there isn't a faulty one. 107 00:06:39,654 --> 00:06:42,094 And you do this, like, every time we have sex? 108 00:06:42,537 --> 00:06:44,684 Yeah, I mean, it just... it just takes a sec. 109 00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:48,398 I don't know why, but I feel, like, kind of offended. 110 00:06:48,622 --> 00:06:50,261 Chloe, this doesn't have to get weird, okay? 111 00:06:50,294 --> 00:06:51,864 Oh, I'm making it weird? 112 00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,534 No, no. There's... There's nothing to worry about. 113 00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,202 It's just... It's just so that we don't have to worry. 114 00:06:55,235 --> 00:06:57,323 Even if, like, something crazy happened, 115 00:06:57,357 --> 00:06:59,432 you know I'm on the Pill, right? 116 00:06:59,466 --> 00:07:02,301 And if the Pill didn't work, we'd do the responsible thing 117 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,372 and, like, take care of it. 118 00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:07,565 Yeah, but we can't just take care of it, right? 119 00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:10,067 I mean, we don't even really know what it is. 120 00:07:10,068 --> 00:07:12,167 I mean, look, I'm-I'm totally 121 00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:14,450 pro women getting to choose what to do with their bodies. 122 00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,955 I am. But I'm Muslim, so I'm just 123 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:20,982 pro us not having to make that choice. 124 00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,259 No, like, you're Muslim, I thought, in the way that I'm Jewish. 125 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,055 Like, it's a cultural thing. 126 00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:27,102 I didn't know that you were Musli-‐Muslim. 127 00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:29,606 - YEAH. - CHLOE: You drink. 128 00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,443 Religious Muslims don't drink. 129 00:07:32,278 --> 00:07:34,742 I actually... don't drink. 130 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,365 The other night we out at the bar, 131 00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,175 and you bought the entire table drinks. 132 00:07:39,451 --> 00:07:40,872 Yeah, but mine was a Coke. 133 00:07:41,271 --> 00:07:43,207 Tonight I asked you, "Do you want another glass of wine?" 134 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,720 You were like, "No, I'm at my limit." 135 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,049 Well, I was at my limit. 136 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,978 My limit's just none, 137 00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:50,773 'cause I'm Muslim. 138 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,510 Oh. Okay. 139 00:07:52,544 --> 00:07:55,388 So you get girls drunk 140 00:07:55,919 --> 00:07:58,204 and stay sober so you can sleep with them. 141 00:07:58,205 --> 00:07:59,958 - What? - That feels kind of date-rape-y. 142 00:07:59,959 --> 00:08:02,589 That's not what I do. That's not date-rape-y. 143 00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,218 If anything, I'm taking alcohol out of the equation. 144 00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,264 I'm like a designated driver. 145 00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:09,101 I'm your... like a-‐ like, a friend. 146 00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:11,691 So why are you hiding everything from me? 147 00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:14,919 Look, Chloe, it's just... 148 00:08:15,824 --> 00:08:19,371 I've met girls who seem open-minded, 149 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,752 and then they're not. 150 00:08:22,076 --> 00:08:24,423 - And you think that's me. - No, I... no, I just... 151 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:28,838 I thought maybe you'd be into the idea of me being culturally different 152 00:08:28,872 --> 00:08:32,190 but hate that I actually believe in God. 153 00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:34,904 I don't care that you're Muslim. 154 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,784 I care that you've been lying to me. 155 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,832 [MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYS] 156 00:09:33,904 --> 00:09:36,694 STEVE: This Muslim Tinder is awesome. 157 00:09:37,445 --> 00:09:40,075 Dude, why did you swipe "no" on her? 158 00:09:40,076 --> 00:09:43,131 You're swiping "no" on all the girls that have scarves. 159 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:46,546 - Dude no, it's just, she's not my vibe. - You're a fuckin' racist. 160 00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:49,343 How is that racist? Head scarf's not a race, 161 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,123 it's-it's something that people wear. 162 00:09:51,193 --> 00:09:53,011 Oh, I love when they're all covered 163 00:09:53,045 --> 00:09:54,857 from their head to their toe like that. 164 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:58,111 Yo, that mystery is sexy. That's disgusting. 165 00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:01,201 Have you ever dated a Muslim girl? 166 00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:06,136 No, I haven't, and... that's-that's why I'm doing this. 167 00:10:06,177 --> 00:10:08,481 I'm trying to meet someone, you know, different. 168 00:10:08,638 --> 00:10:11,470 - You're such a racist. - How is that racist, dude? 169 00:10:11,631 --> 00:10:14,490 Islam's not a race, it's-it's something you believe in. 170 00:10:14,524 --> 00:10:16,280 Oh. You don't believe in shit. 171 00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:18,652 - Right. Don't... Right. - I don't... I don't like her. 172 00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:21,198 - How do you know? How do you know? - If I went right, that would be racist. 173 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:22,785 - You're looking at a picture. - That would be racist, 174 00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:24,539 - 'cause I don't like her. - You're looking at a picture. 175 00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,060 - That's the whole point of this thing. - You're a shallow fuck. 176 00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:28,631 - Thank you. - [SIGHS] 177 00:10:33,694 --> 00:10:35,573 [MAYSA CHUCKLES] 178 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,194 Yep, yep. 179 00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,549 [DENA CHUCKLES] 180 00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:52,645 You know, uh, Mohammed's katb-ketab was really nice the other day. 181 00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,109 Yeah, she's cute. 182 00:10:54,809 --> 00:10:56,101 Big nose. 183 00:10:59,527 --> 00:11:00,891 FAROUK: [SPEAKS ARABIC] 184 00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:02,691 I thought you were gonna come, Dena. 185 00:11:03,618 --> 00:11:05,079 Nah. 186 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,436 Well... it was really cool, 187 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:13,813 just... seeing him so happy, you know, that he found someone. 188 00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:16,058 When Allah wills it, it is easy. 189 00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,896 [VIDEO GAME BEEPING] 190 00:11:19,817 --> 00:11:21,505 Yeah, so I was thinking... 191 00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:25,160 maybe it's time that Allah wills it for me. 192 00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:30,461 What? Habibi! 193 00:11:30,677 --> 00:11:33,135 You know, like, to... be with someone? 194 00:11:35,483 --> 00:11:36,912 Are you fucking kidding me? 195 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,025 You had one lonely day 196 00:11:41,026 --> 00:11:43,424 at a wedding, and now you want Mom to set you up? 197 00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:45,822 - This has nothing to do with you. - DENA: Of course it does. 198 00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,651 If you get married, they're gonna start 199 00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:49,315 putting pressure on me to start a family 200 00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:52,715 and stare at my stomach like it's the answer to their midlife crisis. 201 00:11:52,998 --> 00:11:55,053 I don't need that shit right now. Calm down. 202 00:11:55,054 --> 00:11:57,057 - You don't even have a real job. - RAMY: What? 203 00:11:57,058 --> 00:11:59,513 You do nothing at a start-up that does nothing. 204 00:11:59,568 --> 00:12:03,807 Habibti, they are starting up. Give them a chance. 205 00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:05,658 - Thank you, Mom. - FAROUK: Ramy... 206 00:12:05,888 --> 00:12:06,990 What are you doing? 207 00:12:07,024 --> 00:12:08,496 FAROUK: ...being with a Muslim woman 208 00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:09,666 is not an easy thing. 209 00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,880 You have to take her seriously, hmm? 210 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:15,552 She's not like, uh, the others, hmm? 211 00:12:15,724 --> 00:12:18,725 Are you sure you are ready for something like that? 212 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,919 My little man became a big man! 213 00:12:24,052 --> 00:12:26,490 Bullshit. You're just filling this void 214 00:12:26,491 --> 00:12:29,044 inside of you with a woman, and it's ruining my life. 215 00:12:29,537 --> 00:12:32,301 Fuck you, Ramy. Stupid bitch. 216 00:12:32,498 --> 00:12:35,248 - MAYSA: Dena! - I mean, she's... she's out of control. 217 00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:37,221 - So who is she? - Yeah. 218 00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:39,881 I actually haven't met anyone yet. 219 00:12:39,915 --> 00:12:41,855 I... I thought that you guys could hook it up. 220 00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:43,427 "Hook it up"? 221 00:12:43,919 --> 00:12:45,654 Yeah. Do you know anyone? 222 00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:46,990 Who do I know? 223 00:12:47,154 --> 00:12:49,552 I don't know anyone. I know who you know. 224 00:12:49,615 --> 00:12:52,068 We'll find you a girl, whoever you want. 225 00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:55,884 Do you want her covered, uncovered? You tell me. 226 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:57,804 Um... 227 00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:00,861 uncovered. 228 00:13:01,436 --> 00:13:02,773 Good choice. 229 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,740 - Mom please don't call me that anymore. - Yeah. 230 00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:10,747 We have to find you one before you lose your hair like... 231 00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,311 [QUIET STRING MUSIC PLAYS] 232 00:13:23,773 --> 00:13:26,069 [HOOKAH BUBBLING] 233 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,225 [COUGHS] 234 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:36,213 So, have you lived in Jersey your whole life? 235 00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:38,969 No, no. You're here for her, not me. 236 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,600 I'm just the chaperone. Pretend I'm not even here. 237 00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:46,367 Okay. Nour, uh, you're from Jersey? 238 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,113 CHAPERONE: Born and raised. 239 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,084 My mom said that, uh, you're an accountant. 240 00:13:55,276 --> 00:13:58,557 Yeah. My mom said you worked in a start-up or something. 241 00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:01,180 - Ye-‐ - Too much small talk. More personal. 242 00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,062 So how did you pick this restaurant? 243 00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,569 You think because I'm Egyptian, I like to eat Egyptian food? 244 00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:10,370 You know, I just figured you probably 245 00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:12,118 had a lot of homemade Egyptian food, 246 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:15,374 but I really wanted you to taste it when it's made by... 247 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,086 the Russian guys in the kitchen here. 248 00:14:17,087 --> 00:14:18,306 [LAUGHS] 249 00:14:18,783 --> 00:14:20,343 Yeah, no, the bread here is actually... 250 00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:23,679 - Yo! Fuckin' Ramy! Look at this guy! JOHNNY: This motherfucker! 251 00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:24,810 JOEY: How you doin'? 252 00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:26,063 JOHNNY: Bro, we haven't seen you in forever! 253 00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:28,032 - How's it going? - JOEY: You too good to call my sister? 254 00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:29,904 Get out of here! Yo, how you doin? 255 00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:32,033 My name's Joey. This is Johnny. How's it going? 256 00:14:32,034 --> 00:14:34,640 - Hi. I'm Nour. - You guys try the falafels here? 257 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,626 - They're bomb as shit. Come on. - Bomb as fuckin' shit. 258 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:38,816 - I wouldn't lie about that. - Unbelievable. What are you guys up to? 259 00:14:38,849 --> 00:14:41,304 - What's going up? - Just... hanging out. 260 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:44,234 Ah, no. What you're actually doing is coming with us to Dante's. 261 00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:46,265 - We got a big group. - Gonna dance a little bit. 262 00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,692 Sure, yeah. Maybe we'll just, like, meet you there later. 263 00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:50,571 You want to meet these people at Dante's? 264 00:14:51,573 --> 00:14:53,838 - No, no, no. I-I was just... - Listen to me. 265 00:14:54,453 --> 00:14:57,083 You don't want to go to Dante's on a Friday. 266 00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:59,729 What you want to do is go to P. J.'s. 267 00:15:00,486 --> 00:15:02,640 Very hard to get into. Tell the guy 268 00:15:02,674 --> 00:15:04,849 at the door you know Masoud. 269 00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:06,597 - He'll get you in. - All right, thanks. 270 00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:09,608 You know, it sounds like it's really hard to get into. 271 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,385 - It is. - NOUR: And I feel like 272 00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:13,032 they really need you right now. 273 00:15:13,368 --> 00:15:16,923 Yeah, uh, you know, they probably need a connection to get in. 274 00:15:17,221 --> 00:15:18,626 [SNAPS FINGERS] That's true. 275 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,742 It took me many years to get an "in" at P. J.'s. 276 00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:23,789 - No, no, listen. It's no problem. - Wait, wait. What's happening? 277 00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,475 No, no. I insist. I'll be your chaperone. 278 00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:29,439 - Huh? Let's go. - Little funny. All right. Okay. 279 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,279 - [CHATTERING] - JOEY: Be good, Ramy. 280 00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:35,586 Relax a little bit, man. 281 00:15:35,797 --> 00:15:37,893 You're carrying a lot of tension. 282 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,336 You seem like a good guy, 283 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:43,426 but she's not gonna see the real you if you're so wound up. 284 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:45,388 Okay. 285 00:15:47,088 --> 00:15:48,143 - Wow. - [CHUCKLES] 286 00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:50,439 Oh, so your cousin's a... 287 00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:52,572 - Yeah. - ...really interesting guy. 288 00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:55,449 He's not really my cousin. He's just one of those, you know... 289 00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,704 - Oh, like an Arab cousin? - NOUR: Yes. 290 00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,502 Yeah, just, like, anyone that your dad's ever met. 291 00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:04,134 Yeah. His dad fixed my dad's transmission two years ago, so... 292 00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:07,171 Oh, yeah, no, that's definitely a cousin. He might even be an uncle, 293 00:16:07,205 --> 00:16:10,062 just 'cause the transmission's such a big part of the car. 294 00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:12,652 I mean, that's... that's family forever. 295 00:16:15,868 --> 00:16:18,036 RAMY: Look, I know it was terrible, 296 00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:21,773 but the day the Muslim ban happened, I had a really good day. 297 00:16:21,807 --> 00:16:24,718 - [LAUGHS] Oh, come on. - Like, personally, you know? 298 00:16:24,752 --> 00:16:27,541 It was just, like, one of those days. Remember, the weather was great. 299 00:16:27,846 --> 00:16:29,475 I killed it at this meeting. 300 00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:33,025 I found a Metro card that had $120 on it. 301 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,695 - Okay, wow. - That doesn't happen. 302 00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:36,323 Yeah, that sounds like a really good day. 303 00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:38,035 It was weird, 'cause I'm watching the news 304 00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:41,291 and this guy on TV is like, "This is a terrible day for all Muslims." 305 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,827 I'm like, "Well, not all Muslims." 306 00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:48,046 You know what? You're right. Because I have this, um, uncle 307 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,351 that lives in Libya, and he was supposed to come live with us, 308 00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:53,816 and then the Muslim ban happened, and he's still in Libya. 309 00:16:54,018 --> 00:16:56,218 - See? It was a good day for you too. - Yeah. [CHUCKLES] 310 00:16:56,338 --> 00:16:57,950 And he was supposed to take my room too. 311 00:16:57,951 --> 00:17:00,393 - Oh! He was gonna make you a refugee? - [CHUCKLES] 312 00:17:00,963 --> 00:17:03,252 Yeah, and that room is, like, really important to me. 313 00:17:03,253 --> 00:17:04,938 - 'Course. - I have a lot of memories in there. 314 00:17:04,971 --> 00:17:06,383 - NSYNC posters. - Mm. 315 00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:08,345 My dad gave us the sex talk in that room. 316 00:17:08,346 --> 00:17:10,140 Oh, man. What was yours like? 317 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:13,313 It was, like, pretty standard Arab dad talk, you know? 318 00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,986 He got us all in the room, and then he said, 319 00:17:15,987 --> 00:17:19,284 "Girls, no boys. Boys, no boys," 320 00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:21,162 - and then he just walked out the room. - Wow. 321 00:17:21,163 --> 00:17:23,292 That's, like, really efficient. It's, like, everything, 322 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,423 but he found a way to just... zone in on it. 323 00:17:26,947 --> 00:17:30,306 So, for something my mom helped set up, this wasn't too bad. 324 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:33,478 Yeah. I mean, Tinder doesn't really have shit on our moms. 325 00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:35,108 [LAUGHS] 326 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,205 We should do this again. Yeah, definitely. 327 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,921 NOUR: Right? 328 00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:52,810 Get home safe, okay? 329 00:17:53,687 --> 00:17:55,566 What, I don't get a good-night kiss? 330 00:17:56,568 --> 00:17:59,511 I just... I wasn't sure if you did that. 331 00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:02,045 - If I kissed? - I mean, I'm sure you kiss. 332 00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,626 I just didn't know if, you know, because we're, like, a... 333 00:18:23,404 --> 00:18:24,904 Let's get in my car. 334 00:18:25,661 --> 00:18:26,857 Okay. 335 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,519 [BOTH MOANING, PANTING] 336 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,414 Whoa, whoa. [CHUCKLES] 337 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,263 - You all right? - Yeah. 338 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:48,950 Okay, good. 339 00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:51,969 Do you have a condom? 340 00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:54,266 Uh, yeah, but, um... [CHUCKLES] 341 00:18:55,623 --> 00:18:58,231 - What, you don't want to have sex? - Yeah, but I-I... 342 00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:01,322 I didn't know if-if you could, you know, just 'cause we're not married. 343 00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,285 Oh, I-I didn't even know you were that strict. 344 00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:07,333 I mean, yeah, we can get married. Um, my cousin does, like, 345 00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:09,797 nikahs over the phone if you want to do, like, a temporary marriage. 346 00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:11,424 - There's this imam she uses... - No, no, no. I'm not... 347 00:19:11,425 --> 00:19:13,178 I don't think we should try and, like, trick God or whatever. 348 00:19:13,179 --> 00:19:14,506 I just think maybe we should, 349 00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:16,936 you know, slow down? 350 00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:19,398 - Oh, okay. Yeah, we can take it slow. - Yeah? 351 00:19:19,538 --> 00:19:20,693 - Yeah, of course. - Okay. 352 00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:22,697 - Yeah there are other things we can do. - Okay. 353 00:19:22,814 --> 00:19:23,814 NOUR: Yeah. 354 00:19:34,388 --> 00:19:35,677 Yeah, right there. 355 00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:38,062 Yeah. 356 00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,318 [PANTING] 357 00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:43,699 Choke me while I finger myself. 358 00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:47,163 - What? - I want you to choke me. 359 00:19:49,627 --> 00:19:51,964 - Um... - Use both hands. 360 00:19:52,264 --> 00:19:54,344 Um... okay. 361 00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:56,181 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 362 00:19:57,183 --> 00:19:58,520 - Okay. - Harder. 363 00:20:00,202 --> 00:20:01,256 Okay. 364 00:20:01,358 --> 00:20:03,069 Like, actually harder. It's not a massage. 365 00:20:03,155 --> 00:20:05,365 Yeah, yeah, okay. Um... 366 00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:08,079 NOUR: Yeah. [GRUNTING] 367 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,876 [MOANING] 368 00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,196 I... 369 00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,723 [GASPING] 370 00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:18,904 No, no. Hey. 371 00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:20,178 NOUR: Don't stop. 372 00:20:20,856 --> 00:20:22,274 - What? - I don't want to do this. 373 00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:24,696 - No, what? Why? - I'm not into choking. I don't... 374 00:20:24,697 --> 00:20:26,366 I don't want to choke you. 375 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:27,601 Oh, God. 376 00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,459 - God, you're so full of shit. - What? 377 00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:35,789 It's not the choking that's the problem. 378 00:20:35,822 --> 00:20:37,096 Look, it's just our first date, 379 00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:38,849 and I feel like maybe this is happening... 380 00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:40,688 What, you don't hook up on the first date? 381 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,151 Yeah, that's what I thought. 382 00:20:44,152 --> 00:20:47,511 Look, this is, like, just throwing me for a loop a little bit. 383 00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:49,569 I didn't think that a girl like you was gonna want to, like... 384 00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:51,006 A girl like me? 385 00:20:53,709 --> 00:20:55,308 Look, we had this, like, really nice night, 386 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,346 and you felt weirded out by the idea of kissing me. 387 00:20:58,347 --> 00:21:00,225 I get it if you don't want to have sex, but... 388 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,605 I'm, like, in this little Muslim box in your head, 389 00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:06,572 and I'm the wife or the mother of your kids, right? 390 00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,159 I'm not supposed to cum. 391 00:21:09,453 --> 00:21:10,705 Okay, I'll choke you. 392 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,175 - God just get out of my car. - No, I-‐ 393 00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,586 [DOOR SLAMS SHUT] 394 00:21:13,587 --> 00:21:15,731 [ENGINE STARTS] 395 00:21:15,765 --> 00:21:17,018 Just... 396 00:21:21,005 --> 00:21:23,121 [SAD MUSIC PLAYS] 397 00:21:59,469 --> 00:22:01,223 I don't know what I'm doing, man. 398 00:22:02,932 --> 00:22:04,392 Like... [CHUCKLES] 399 00:22:04,479 --> 00:22:08,473 I look at my parents and how strong they are 400 00:22:08,551 --> 00:22:11,465 and how they just know everything's gonna be okay, always, 401 00:22:12,074 --> 00:22:13,121 'cause they have God. 402 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,088 And I believe in God. 403 00:22:18,957 --> 00:22:21,221 I really do, man. There's too many signs. 404 00:22:22,473 --> 00:22:25,551 Like, one time this girl texted me 405 00:22:26,285 --> 00:22:29,279 two minutes after I jerked off to her Facebook photo. 406 00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:32,535 We didn't talk for months, and then out of nowhere, 407 00:22:32,536 --> 00:22:33,903 she texted me "'Sup?" 408 00:22:35,918 --> 00:22:38,548 Like, you're gonna tell me this shit isn't all connected? 409 00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,059 I know it is. 410 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,024 And, yeah, I have sex even though I'm not married, 411 00:22:48,025 --> 00:22:51,740 and I'm probably gonna try mushrooms one day. 412 00:22:51,741 --> 00:22:53,953 So what? That means I'm not a good Muslim? 413 00:22:53,954 --> 00:22:56,249 Like, I can't do it 'cause I don't follow 414 00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:59,296 all the rules and the fucking judgments 415 00:22:59,297 --> 00:23:02,805 that are always just being put on us? 416 00:23:04,099 --> 00:23:05,560 And then... 417 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:09,901 I do the same thing. 418 00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:13,660 I put the same fucking judgments on everyone around me. 419 00:23:17,417 --> 00:23:21,759 I'm just, like, trying to be... good. 420 00:23:27,478 --> 00:23:29,148 Do you... 421 00:23:29,149 --> 00:23:33,157 Do you really think God cares if I wash between my toes? 422 00:23:42,539 --> 00:23:44,335 You jerk off too much. 423 00:23:45,529 --> 00:23:46,908 It's no good. 424 00:23:48,772 --> 00:23:50,191 No good at all. 425 00:23:53,086 --> 00:23:55,132 And wash between your toes. 426 00:23:57,455 --> 00:23:59,458 [WOMEN LAUGHING] 427 00:23:59,459 --> 00:24:01,480 [BITTERSWEET MUSIC PLAYS] 428 00:24:29,603 --> 00:24:31,565 ♪ Daylight sun born on a Sunday ♪ 429 00:24:31,566 --> 00:24:33,610 ♪ Pray right and soar to the sun rays ♪ 430 00:24:33,611 --> 00:24:35,531 ♪ See how, no me, just we now ♪ 431 00:24:35,532 --> 00:24:37,535 ♪ For you, all the dues that I can pay ♪ 432 00:24:37,536 --> 00:24:39,581 ♪ The whole world wanna bathe in the champagne ♪ 433 00:24:39,582 --> 00:24:41,501 ♪ Be wild, so cheap and free now ♪ 434 00:24:41,502 --> 00:24:44,131 ♪ Can't lead but blame all the campaigns, what a damn shame ♪ 435 00:24:44,132 --> 00:24:45,551 ♪ Whole game really manmade ♪ 436 00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,429 ♪ But our mother made us, I will motivate us ♪ 437 00:24:47,430 --> 00:24:49,433 ♪ If a brother say you will never live another day ♪ 438 00:24:49,434 --> 00:24:51,980 ♪ Be a man with a brave soul, get a hold of your own space ♪ 439 00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:54,276 ♪ No one will save you, you're my favorite ♪ 440 00:24:54,277 --> 00:24:56,280 ♪ Be modest, we're no saviors ♪ 441 00:24:56,281 --> 00:24:59,369 ♪ But you shine in a space that might awaken many in a blinder day ♪ 442 00:24:59,370 --> 00:25:01,207 ♪ So pray you can find a way to say ♪ 443 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:04,379 [CHORUS SINGS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND] 444 00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:06,217 ♪ I call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 445 00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:08,179 ♪ Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 446 00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:10,266 ♪ Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 447 00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:12,145 ♪ Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 448 00:25:12,146 --> 00:25:14,024 ♪ Call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 449 00:25:14,025 --> 00:25:16,279 ♪ Yeah, I call my son Sun cuz he shine like one ♪ 450 00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:26,633 ♪ Nighttime son born on a Sunday ♪ 451 00:25:26,634 --> 00:25:28,720 ♪ I write rhymes so I stay in my right mind ♪ 452 00:25:28,721 --> 00:25:30,683 ♪ Two aunts that will say you are night's eye ♪ 453 00:25:30,684 --> 00:25:32,687 ♪ And the right mom, as a kind, we are quite blind ♪ 454 00:25:32,688 --> 00:25:34,064 ♪ What a sight, you are right ♪ 455 00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:36,151 ♪ I'm on another plane going to its' heights climb ♪ 456 00:25:36,152 --> 00:25:38,030 ♪ And when I hit the stage, laying in the light lime ♪ 457 00:25:38,031 --> 00:25:40,326 ♪ I'm a young man, grown, when I fight time ♪ 458 00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:43,750 ♪ Old wisdom, young fathers don't listen at all ♪ 459 00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:46,255 ♪ Picture me as your soldier, your martyr ♪ 460 00:25:46,256 --> 00:25:48,342 ♪ Your soul is my honor ♪ 461 00:25:48,343 --> 00:25:50,764 ♪ You go, boy! Hear that? You go, boy! ♪ 462 00:25:50,765 --> 00:25:52,350 ♪ In a don't-be-you ploy ♪ 463 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,273 ♪ Pray that it won't be cruel, boy, don't do it if it doesn't feel true ♪ 464 00:25:55,274 --> 00:25:56,860 ♪ Be you, boy! ♪ 465 00:25:56,861 --> 00:25:58,740 ♪ [CHILD COOS] ♪ 37123

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