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NARRATOR: This is the storyof science and invention.
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It started in the early days,when man picked up a limb of a tree...
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... and used it as an implement.
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[WHACK]
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Thus, the age of invention had begun.
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[HORN HONKS]
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And today, striving to make this worlda better place to live in...
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... great inventors are still at work.
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But there is none greaterthan that unsung genius...
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... Professor Calvin Q. Calculus.
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Eureka, I did it.
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I did it, I did it, I did it.
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Gertrude, come quickly. I've done it.
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What have you done?
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At last, at last, at long last,
I have succeeded.
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Well, what have you invented this time?
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A portable hole.
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Portable hole?
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Hmph. You and your silly inventions.
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Now, you listen to me.
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I slave to keep a roof over this house...
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...while you waste time
with those idiotic ideas of yours.
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First, it's dry water
and then round squares.
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And now portable holes.
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I'm getting sick of it all.
You don't care anything about me.
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You forget our wedding anniversary.
You never say anything nice to me.
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I'm weary and tired of being a lovely,
sweet, silent wife to you.
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And one of these days, mark my words,
you're going to regret it.
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Do you hear me?
You are going to regret it.
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Extra. Extra. Read all about it.
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Inventive genius makes great discovery.
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Extra. Extra. Read all about it.
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ANNOUNCER: Professor Calvin Q. Calculusproudly displays his latest invention...
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... the portable hole.
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In the following scenes, the professorwill demonstrate a few of its many uses.
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This is one way of using it in the home.
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Henry.
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Come dry the dishes.
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ANNOUNCER: The portable holewill also make a dog's life easier.
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And for golfers too,the portable hole would be ideal.
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Here, we have a baby locked in a safe.
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[BABY CRYING]
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[BABY BABBLING]
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Professor Calvin Q. Calculusreceives the Moball Award.
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MAN:
Speech. Speech.
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[CLEARS THRO AT]
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[ON STEREO]
Ladies and gentlemen...
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... I invented the portable holefor the good of humanity.
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But let us all hope it will never be usedfor evil purposes.
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[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
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[ALARM BLARING]
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[BLOWING WHISTLE]
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[GUNFIRE]
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Oh, there's bad news tonight.
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[WOMEN SCREAMING]
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[WHISTLE BLOWING]
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[GUNFIRE]
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[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
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[WHISTLE BLOWING AND GUNFIRE]
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[CALCULUS READING HEADLINE]
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Good, serves him right.
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Crime does not pay.
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Well, if you ask me, it's a crime
the way you've been treating me.
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If you think I'm going to put up
with your silly nonsense any longer...
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...you're sadly mistaken.
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This house is not big enough
for the two of us.
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One of us must go.
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My, that was a deep one, wasn't it?
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Isn't it bad enough down there
without her?
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