All language subtitles for Hercules- The Legendary Journeys - S06E05 - Hercules, Tramps & Thieves

[Squeaking]

[Shouting]

- [Coughing]
- It's nice of you to
drop in, Autolycus.

[Laughing]
You're a funny man, Hercules!

So funny, in fact,
I think I busted a gut.

- Why are you following me?
- Practice, my good man.

If I can sneak up on you,
I can sneak up on anyone.

Huh. Well, you might want
to oil your hook. It makes
a noise when you open it.

Oh. Thanks for the tip.
Mm-hmm.

So. [Coughs]
Where are we headed?

We? No. "We" aren't
going anywhere.

"L" am going to Thracia.

Ah, you're gonna help 'em
with that bank thing,
aren't ya?

- What do you know about it?
- Only that it's the best idea
since theKama Sutra.

[Laughing]
Imagine, a whole town...

putting all its money
in one place.

One-stop shopping
for a wonderment
such as, uh, myself.

[Chuckling]
And that's exactly why
I'm gonna help them...

secure their bank.

- Bye, Autolycus.
- Now I see how you are,
Hercules.

I offer to spend
some quality time
with my good friend,

and, no, you leave me
on the side of the road
like an old sofa.

Well, okay, that's fine.
I'll just have to think
of something to do.

After all, I am
the King of Thieves.

[Softly]
I hate it when he does this.

[Spitting]

All right.
You can come along.

Hey! But you have to promise
me you won't rob the bank.

I promise.

- Uh-huh.
- What? Wha...

What are you doing?
I'm just making sure you
aren't crossing anything.

Hercules,
I'm a thief, not a liar.
I have my standards.

Mm.
All right. "I promise
not to rob the bank." Okay?

Okay.
[Chuckling]
Hey.

Tough thing about
Salmoneus, huh?
Yeah.

That massage parlor bust
was a real drag.
[Laughing]

[Woman] What did you do then?
[Man] I told him to
give me my dinars back,

or I'd curse him
to Hades.
Really?

Excuse me. Do you know
where I could find
the sheriff?

In there.
Bye now.
Thanks.

All right.

I only promised
not to rob the bank.

Hey! Autolycus!

???? [Honky-tonk]

Not bad, huh?

[Laughing]
Well, a family
establishment, eh?

Ooh! Say, Toots, how about
a Horizontal Mambo on the rocks?

Gee, mister. I never
heard of that one before.

What's in it?
Me and you
and not a whole lot else.

[Laughs, Winces]
You'll have to, uh,
pardon my friend.

He's in a lot ofpain.
[Under His Breath]
"Horizontal Mambo."

Behave yourself.
I'm gonna go say hi
to the sheriff.

???? [Continues]
Sheriff!
Good to see ya.

Yeah, hi, son. Not now.
Show's about to start.

[Emcee] Welcome, gentlemen!
Yeah, well, we don't want
to miss the show.

And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for:

We're proud to present
our star attraction!

The cherry in your cola,

the wood in your pecker,

Miss Luscious Deluxe!

[Cheering, Applauding]

?? Think you're likin'
what you see??

?? Hey, fella, take a tip
from me??

?? I don't really
mean to flaunt??

?? But I get what I want??

You know that lady?

That's no lady.

That's my wife.

[Man Narrating]
This is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind
with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power...

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth,
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever
there was evil,

wherever an innocent
would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [Screeching]
- [Roaring]

Hail!

?? I'm not the poster girl
for tact??

?? I'll take the tunic
off your back??

?? You're a deer caught
in my headlights??

?? As far as I'm concerned
'Cause, honey??

?? I get what I want??

?? Don't ask me to make it
When it's so easy to take it?
?

?? Forget my sweet demeanor??

?? I'll take ya to the cleaner?
?

?? Pay close attention
while I bump and grind it??

?? I'll put your money
where you'll never find it??

She's your wife?
My ex-wife.

We were a couple of crooked
kids, crazy in love.

[Chuckles] Life with Luscious
was full of booty.

We stole a lot of stuff too.

So how'd you...
screw it up?

Our passion was just too great
to be contained.

It blew us apart, I tell you!
[Explosion]

Well, that and I let her rot in
prison for a crime I committed.

Well, it's good to see
chivalry is not dead.

Who's that?
A friend of yours?

?? I like the things
that don't come free??

?? I'd bite that apple
right off of your tree??

?? That's why
I get what I want??

-?? Oh, please don't join us??
-?? Sugar, I get what I want??

???
?? She likes to flaunt it??
?? Baby, I get what I want?

[Cheering, Applauding]

It's not what you think.
There was this job, this...

priceless marble bust
of Cleopatra.

I hear they're doing
her head next. Anyway,
on my way out...

I dropped the garter belt
that I was wearing.

Can we keep
the details on a strictly
"need to know" basis?

Oh, this is important.
See, Luscious and I,
we used to swap...

an article of clothing
for good luck.

It's a long story.
Anyway, the garter belt
was hers, and it was...

this stupid,
monogrammed lingerie,
and the next thing I knew,

the local stooges are
hauling the old ball-and-chain
off to the big house.

And you didn't
confess, to get your
wife out of jail?

Well, that was our agreement.
If one of us got caught,
the other one wouldn't tattle.

Still, she divorced me
the day she was sentenced.

Ah, the nerve of some people.
Tell me about it.

Well, still, we all
make mistakes, right?

[Chuckling]

And judging from the eye
she's giving me, I'd say
my little honey jugs...

is ready to kiss...
hoo, hoo... and make up.

[Chuckling]
Lay one on me, baby.

- [Grunts]
- That's for leavin' me in
prison, you miserable...

wart on the ass of an ass.

You, on the other hand,
need to tell me where
you've been all my life.

Just... tryin' to keep your
ex-husband out of trouble.
[Chuckles]

If there's one thing
he doesn't need
help with, it's that.

[Kissing Sound]

The name's Luscious, but
don't take my word for it.

Why don't you stop by
my boudoir later, and
I'll prove it to you?

Twice.

[Sighs]
Hmm.

So, uh, that's how you two
kiss and make up, huh?

Sorry I couldn't talk
to you in there, but, uh,

I never miss one of
Luscious's shows.
[Chuckles]

Well, she does pack
quite a punch.
[Grunts]

Uh, I'm tickled to death
that you came down here
to help finish the bank,

but was it
my imagination,

or was that the King
of Thieves I saw you
come into town with?

[Chuckles]
You see, he's a...
He's a friend.

A-And he gave me his word
he wouldn't cause any trouble.

Well, if his word's
good enough for Hercules,
it's good enough for me.

Now, there's the bank,
and I'll see you
at midday.

All right, Sheriff.

Oh!
[Chuckles]
Sorry.

This thing gets away
from me sometimes.

Yeah, well.
No harm done.
I couldn't help overhearing.

You're Hercules,
aren't you?

Eh, something tells me
I should say no.
I knew it!

This is definitely
a sign!

I got my palm read this
morning, and the fortune
teller told me...

I was in store
for acareerchange!
Well, congratulations,

and best of luck
finding a new job.
Well, I won't need it!

The job found me!
I'm your new sidekick!

[Laughs]
No, I don't think so.

Oh, come on! You need
a new number two guy.

I've got number two
written all over me.
A-As tempting as that sounds,

the position's already filled.
Oh, don't worry.

I wouldn't expect you
to hire me without first
seeing what I can do.

Uh-huh. Did I mention
it doesn't pay very well?
I don't need any money!

By the end of the day,
I'm gonna prove I've got what
it takes to be your sidekick.

[Sighs]
Okay.

[Luscious] Oh, come on,
guys. Let's do it again,
until we get it right.

And walk, two... Left!
Left, left, left!

My left or your left?
My left.
Always my left.

All right.

Kuff. Linc. Shoo!

Nice hoof-work, butts.
My left, her left!
Whatever.

If you've come back
for more abuse, I would
be happy to oblige.

[Chuckling]
Now you're starting
to sound like an ex-wife.

I don't mean to be rude,
but why don't you go die?

Uh, one day, perhaps.

But for now, I just
want to say...

I'm sorry.
And what do you have to be sorry
for? We had a deal, right?

If one of us
got caught, we agreed
to keep our mouth shut.

Yes, but as your husband,
I had a bigger promise to keep.

I let you down, kitten.

Ancient history.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go fix my face.

If I don't knock 'em dead
out there, the management's
threatening to replace me...

with a nude mime.

Show business.
What a killer.

[Clicks Fingers]
Say, cookie-puss.
Here's a thrill.

Why don't you buy the club out
from under 'em? That way they
can never tell ya it's curtains,

because the stage
will all be yours.

With what money?
I'm still waiting on
your alimony payments.

Oh... [Chuckling]
Them.

[Kissing]
Yes, those. Uh...

I swear the check's
in the mail.
Mm.

But in the meantime,
until they get here,

give me one more chance
to make it up to ya!
Hmph!

I'll even work
if I have to.

Aw, come on, Luscious.
I'm on my knees beggin' ya.

[Chuckles]
I'd forgotten what
a hopeless romantic you can be.

[Laughing]
You didn't use to call me
"Otto Erotic" for nothin'.

Ohh!
[Smooching Sounds]

[Moaning]

[Banging]
[Crowd]
Ooh!

And with that,
I now declare...

the First National Bank
of Greece open for business!

[Hooting, Clapping]

Ahh! Well, you
still have your jaw.
That's a good sign.

No. More than that,
it's a miracle!

She bought
my entire spiel!

I mean, she accepted
my apology.

Really? I guess some
people never learn.

Au contraire, longhair.

Today I learned a lesson
I'd forgotten a long time ago.

True love never dies.

It just... hibernates,

laying dormant like a...
like a cold sore
waiting to fester.

A romantic.

[Chattering]

'Scuse me, but aren't you
a friend of Hercules?

Young man, I'll have you
know that my fame is almost
as widespread as his.

Really? What have you done?
Ever seen the statue
of the Venus de Milo?

The one with no arms?
Mm-hmm.

You did that?
No, but I stole the arms, and
that's what made it a classic.

I guess you could say
I work in negative space.

Wow!
Then you're a real pro!
You bet.

I need your advice.
See, I want to impress Hercules.

But I just don't know
how to go about doing it.

Well, young man, you've
come to the right place.

With Hercules, first thing
you gotta do is tell him
that he looks old and fat.

He loves that. Yeah,
it's a little inside joke.
Really!

And you want to be
on the inside, don't you?
Oh, sure.

Yeah, who wouldn't?
Next thing I'd do is, I'd
call him by his stage name.

"Captain Froufrou."
Stage name?

Mm-hmm. It's a little ditty
he picked up during his
brief stint in show business.

See, he used to ride
the manatees at the Athens
Aquarium Ski Spectacular.

Wow! What a guy!
Oh, you bet.

Oh, kid. One final tip.

There's nothing Hercules
appreciates more than someone
who can get the drop on him.

So if you can manage
somehow to put a boot print
in his ass, you're golden!

Thanks a lot, mister.

Oh, kid.
Kick him really hard.

Ain't I a stinker!
[Chuckling]

[Anxious Chattering]

Sheriff, what happened?

Somebody made a withdrawal
without having an account.

The bank's been robbed!
And your friend is
the main suspect.

[Sighs]
Autolycus.

The bank gets robbed the day
the King of Thieves shows up.

And, we find his grappling hook
at the scene of the crime.

Now, technically, we call that
an open-and-shut case.

Autolycus may not
be a saint, but he has
never broken his word.

I respect your loyalty
to your friend,

but I got a town
to take care of,

which leaves me no choice.

I gotta send
a posse after him.
[Sighs] I understand.

And if I have to bring him
in myself, I will, but...

there's something
I have to do first.
You do what you gotta do.

[Knocking]
"Entrez-nous"!

Oh, hi. Did I
come at a bad time?

When you're with me, sugar,
it's never a bad time to come.

Take a load out.
[Chuckles]
I mean "off."

Um, have-have you seen
Autolycus?

Not since last night.

Well, I thought you should
know there's a... there's
a warrant out for his arrest.

Oh, no! Old Nimble Fingers
left his hook behind, did he?

- How'd you know
it was his hook?
- Lucky guess.

Besides, he's always
leavin' something behind.

You don't seem
too broken up about it.

I stopped letting
Autolycus disappoint me
a long time ago, Hercules.

Maybe you should try
doing the same.

I thought
you'd forgiven him.

What's the point
in holding a grudge?

These hands have more...
valuable things to hold.
Yeah.

Sure you can't stay a while?

Um... [Gulps]
No.

But, you know, thanks.
I've...

I've got a thief to catch.

- Mm.
- And, uh, I, uh...

I have to find Autolycus
too... [Chuckles]

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
[Laughing]

His loss.

Hello!
[Groans]

[Chuckles]
Oh, yeah. That hurt.

You all right?
[In Falsetto]
Yep.

Everything looks A-okay
from here.

You, uh, need any help
getting up?

Nah. I think
I'll just stay here.

- Keep an eye on things.
- You haven't by any chance
seen my friend, have you?

That guy Autolycus?
Yeah.

- Man, it's a small world!
- So you've seen him?

- How did you know that?
- Klunter, focus.

[Coins Rattling]

Saw him a little while ago.

- On the other side of town.
- Thanks.

Oh, by the way,
you're looking old and fat,

Captain Froufrou.

I don't wanna know.

Barkeep, give me a glass
of your finest cheap stuff.

And don't be stingy.
This is a celebration.

What's the occasion?
New beginnings,
my good man.

Until my old lady
let me off the hook
for what a heel I'd been,

I had no idea
how guilty I'd felt
all these years. Hmph!

[Laughs]
To ex-wives everywhere.

May they forgive us all!
[Man]
Hear, hear!

Has anyone seen this man?

- Talk about toast.
- You're under arrest for
the robbery of the town bank.

[Spitting, Coughing]
Well, I guess the drinks
are on me!

- Grab him!
- [Grunting, Groaning]

- After him!
- Come on! Whoa-ho-ho!

Let's split up!
He went thataway!

[Shouting]

He's gotta be
over here!

You look down that way!

[Leather Creaking]

Now I know why
those guys yodel.

- [Shouting Continues]
- [Laughing]

Well, this is no time
to stand here with my schnitzel
flapping in the breeze.

?? Yodelay-ee-who??
Stop!

- Thief!
- Huh? Thief?

Oh, lederhosen,
don't fail me now!

[Shouting, Indistinct]

Whoa-ho-ho!
[Clucking]

[Laughing]

You're not so tough now,
are ya? [Laughing]
Come on!

- Hey, come on!
We can lift this!
- Whoa-ho-ho!

Whoop! Hey!
Hoo-hoo!

Oh, gee! Ha!

- Oh, fig...
- You looking for this?

Oh, Hercules.
Thank the gods.

Care to fill me in on the joke?
Sorry, Autolycus,
but I'm not laughing.

I have to bring you in,
for your own good.
[Sighs] Well.

All right. A man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.

Duck, it's Hera!

Would you believe Zeus?

A flying Hydra
with the runs?

There he is!
Grab him!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

There'll be no lynching
here today.

But he stole our money!
[Sighs]
That's for a jury to decide.

I'm afraid the verdict
is already in, Hercules.

I'm guilty.

[Quacking]

You gave me your word
you wouldn't rob the bank.

I don't know
who's dumber, Hercules...
me for getting caught,

or you for taking
the word of a thief.

I know what you're doing.
And it's not going to work.

If you mean rotting here
in the hoosegow, it seems
to be working just fine.

You're protecting her. Luscious
robbed the bank, and now
you're taking the fall for her.

Take a look at my
business card, Hercules.
What does it say?

"For a good time..."
[Chuckling]
Wrong one.

There. See? It says
the "King of Thieves."
What does that tell ya?

It tells me, you're
too good at what you do
to make me believe...

that youaccidentallyleft
your grappling hook behind.

Oh, yeah? Maybe
I did it on purpose, huh?

Subconsciously. To keep
myself from being a bad
influence on the kids!

See, Hercules? You
finally rubbed off on me.

Well, old friend.
Good-bye.

Why don't we just make that,
"See you later"?

Paying your last
respects, are you?

Last respects?

Yeah. Your friend.

[Chuckles]
Since when has robbery
become punishable by death?

Since he robbed this town
of everything it's got.

[Scoffs]
Without money,
we can't grow crops.

Without crops, we can't eat.
What if I were to get
your money back for you?

It wouldn't change what
happened, but your people would
be back on their feet again.

All right, Hercules.

You find that money
by sundown, and I'll
consider your proposition.

Good.
You don't,

and that friend of yours
will never need another hat.

[Mooing]

[Man Imitating Mooing]

Klunter?

[Voice Echoing]
Wow. You're good.

I try.
What do you think?
"Master of disguise."

Can your sidekick do this?

[Chuckles]
Not that I've ever
noticed, no.

Man! He must be better
than I thought. Here!

- Try my milk.
- [Laughs]

You know, why don't I not?
[Bull Roaring]

Besides, l-I should
be going. I don't want
to interrupt your date.

- Mydate?
- That is one horny bull.

[Frantic Mooing]

- [Growling]
- [Shrieking]

???? [Jazz Combo]

???? [Humming]

Hope you didn't come
totalkagain.

I just can't stand
all this teasing.

Actually, I came
to say good-bye.

- Good-bye?
- Yeah.

Autolycus is gonna be
executed at sundown,
and I...

can't stick around
to watch that happen.

Executed?
L-I thought he was just
going to the slammer.

Yeah, well, so did I.
Until the sheriff
told me otherwise.

[Chuckles] You know, what's
really sad is that Autolycus
didn't even get all the money.

What do you mean?
Well, you see,
there's this false wall.

At the back of the vault.
And behind it...

is where they hide
all the real valuables.
Therealvaluables?

Oh, you know.
The priceless kind.

Rubies,
family heirlooms...
Diamonds?

Yeah, I think so.
Anyway, I guess it's
true, what they say:

A life of crime
just doesn't pay.
[Laughing]

Yeah, well. It was
nice meeting you.

Toodles.
Diamonds!
[Chuckles]

- Hello, again. Will you
let me have a look?
- [Tumblers Clicking]

"Doctor, is it..."
"What seems to be
the trouble?"

[Latch Clicking]
Hmm.

"You sound a little congested."

"We'll clear that cash
right out of there."

"Don't worry about a thing.
You're safe with me!"

[Latch Clicks]
[Laughing]

[Grunting]

- [Gasps]
- You are so busted.

You're not the first
to notice.

What? Coming!

Well, that's my ride.
Catch you on the flip-flop!

No, the only place
you're going is jail.

Thanks, but I've already
been there. For a crime
I didn't commit.

So the way I see it,
I've got a freebie coming.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but this is the second time
you've been here.

True. But I didn't
steal anything this time.

So why don't you just
make it easy on yourself,
and forget you ever saw me?

- [Sighs]
It's never easy.
- I know kung fu...

karate, and three or four
other Eastern words.

- You don't wanna mess with me.
- [Sighs] We all have to do
things we don't wanna do.

- That's not bad.
- "L" for Luscious.

[Gasping]
You know what?
You're pretty good.

Three years with
the Flying Piazzu Brothers
Circus.

No kidding! You know,
I caught your show in Corinth.

Hey, was that
Lizard Lady for real?

- Iguana with a wig.
- Thought so.

- Hmm?
- Go ahead.

Do it.
I'd do it to you.

No, you wouldn't.
You're basically a good person,
just like Autolycus.

Which is why you won't be
able to live with yourself
if he dies today.

Maybe. But I'm doubly sure
I won't be able to live with
myself if I die in his place.

You won't have to.
The sheriff's agreed
to drop the charges...

if the money
is returned by sundown.

You'd do that for me?

You'd let me return the money
without turning me in?

Like you said,
you did your time.

Return the money,
and there's no harm done.

Besides, you were
married to Autolycus.

And that was
punishment enough.

[Rooster Crowing,
Chickens Clucking]

That's all she wrote,
Mr. King of Thieves.

What's the rush,
Dudley Do-Right?

I haven't even
touched my dessert!

You'll get your dessert,
all right. Your just dessert.

- [Laughs Sadistically]
- Nothin' like a funny
executioner.

[Man]
There's the thief!

[Screaming]

Ah, my adoring fans
have come to rescue me.

I'll take fries with that.
[Man]
He won't get away with this!

Well, that's "noose" to me.

The loot's
right through here.

[Sighs]

- [Shuts Latch]
- Uh-oh.

[Yowling] Let's just
forget about Autolycus
and live in the now.

Shall we?

You don't want
to do this, Luscious.

All right. Enough of
the gentleman routine.

You can't just walk around
looking like... you...

and play hard to get.

It's false advertising.
[Stammering] Like
I said, you don't wanna...

do this.
Say it again.

I dare ya.
[Chuckles]

[Stuttering]

You don't wanna do this.
And why not?

Well, because you're
just trying to get back
at Autolycus.

[Scoffs]
What are you talking about?

I already said
I'd help him, didn't I?

Well, that's why
you're doing this now,
isn't it?

Knowing I'm his friend,
to find some other way
to punish him, huh?

[Sighs, Clicks Tongue]
Rats!

[Gasps]
Oh, boy!

[Panting]

I know how mad you are.
I mean, I would be too!

But... he's willing to die
to show you he's sorry.

L-I think it's time
to forgive him. Huh?

[Sighs, Scoffs]

At least tell me it was
hard to say no to me.

[Sighs]
Believe me, I've... done
things that were a lot easier.

So. You coming?

I mean... let's go.

- [Laughing]
- Stretch his neck!

- Where is my money?
- Stretch his pretty
little neck!

Back! Give us some room.
Please. Come on! Out of the way!

Unhand me, you swine!

If I'm to face death,
I'll do so bravely.

[Weeping]

Do you have
any last words?

Why, yes, my good man.
Thanks for asking.

I just happen to have
a few last words.

- No, no. We've heard enough.
- And, in no particular order,
they are:

Aardvark.
Abode. Abnormal.

Abominable. Absolute!
Abyssinia.

Now, you're sure
this is everything?
Don't you trust me?

Oh, all right!

[Clicks Tongue]
Rats!

- Happy now?
- Yes. Thank you.

Hey!
That's our heist money.

[Scoffs]
Let me guess. You, uh,
stole it fair and square.

That's right!
And Luscious is
stealin' it back.

She switched teams.
Saddle up, boys!

- [Growling]
- Where did all these guys
come from?

Did I forget to mention
that I have a gang that
might not take too kindly...

- to what we're doing?
- [Hercules, Sighing]
It's always something.

All right. I don't want
any trouble. Here's your money.

[Gasps]
All right. Showtime.

Uh, Nimrod!
Nincompoop!

Nemesis. Necrophilia.
[Man] When's the show
gonna start?

[Groans]
I'm gettin' too old
for this.

- [Sighs]
- Did you see that?

Yeah, it was a nice job.
Duck!

Now can I be your sidekick?

- No!
- [Grunting, Yelling]

- Pardon me.
- [Screaming]

Well, that about does it!
See ya later!

[Mutters] "I'll see ya later!"
Oh, you're funny, you know that?
Very funny!

Oh, yeah.
We're a team.

Z-Zymoscope.
Zymosis?
[Snoring]

Zymurgy. And of course,
who could forget, "Zyzzyva."

[Laughs]
[Snores]

[Chattering]
Well, I guess that's it.

Um, Sheriff.
Yeah. Oh!

Get on with it!
Get on with it!

[Coughs]
Uh, do you have any
last... requests?

- [All Groaning]
- No, no, people. Come on, now.
There are rules.

You know what
I'd really like?

A nice, ripe peach!

But... peaches
are out of season.
I'll wait.

Oh, no...
Come on!

You been stalling
long enough.
[Whimpers]

Yes, he has.

Time to tell everyone
the truth, Autolycus.

[Chuckles]
Oh, my hero!

- You can untie him now, Sheriff.
- I can, but I won't.

I see you, but
I don't see the money.

That's because it's
in the bank, where
it's supposed to be.

You see, this was all a test.
Wasn't it, Autolycus?

Uh, yeah. Test.

- [Chuckling] Yes, of course!
- What better way to make sure
that your bank...

is as secure as it can be,
than to have it tested by
the King of Thieves himself?

[Chuckles]
We've identified all
the possible weaknesses,

and you can rest
assured that your money
is perfectly... safe.

[Cheering]

- Let him go.
- [Laughing]

No "noose" is good "noose."
What a fickle crowd!

But in this case,
I'm all for it.

- Let them eat cake!
- [Cheering]

Yeah. Have you ever heard
this thing, "Never look
a gift horse in the mouth"?

Sure, and "Don't stand
to close to his ass," either.

Get this buckle.

After all this time
wanting to get back at you,
now I owe you an apology.

Oh, let's just call
it even, kitten.

[Both Laughing]

You look beautiful.

[Together]
I was thinking...

- What I meant to say...
[Chuckling]
- I just meant...

You first.
No. You.

[Sighs]

Well, I've been walking around
for a long time now.

And the last memory
I have of you is one that...

I regret.

And, uh, I'd like
the chance to change that.

[Chuckles]

What'd you have in mind?
Let me buy you dinner?

Oh, yeah?
Sure you wanna do that?

I've got very
expensive tastes.

A woman after my own heart.

[Crowd Cheering]
[Man]
Bring out Luscious!

- Luscious?
- The stage beckons!

When you kissed me before,
in your dressing room,

did you mean that,
or was that just...

part of your act?
[Chuckles]

Guess you'll just have to
stick around and find out.

[Sighs]

And now, the woman
you've all been waiting for:

The wind beneath your wings,
the zippity in your doo-dah...

Luscious Deluxe!

???? [Jazz]

?? I'm back in business
You know what I mean??

?? Got all my assets
Where they need to be??

?? And if you see me coming
Just don't stop and stare??

?? Let's find out
what the market will bear??

?? Goin' to give it
All I've got??

?? As you can see
I've got a lot??

?? I'm a high-risk venture
With a low, low fee??

Ah, the mystery
that is woman.

Brother, you said
a mouthful.

Just wish I could have
helped her buy this place.

Ah, don't worry.
I helped her get a loan
at the bank.

Soon as
the paperwork goes through,
this place will be hers.

Wait. Let me get
this right.

The bankgives
you money?
Sure!

With a viable cosigner
and a clean credit rating,

you'll get a fixed-term loan
amortized over 30 seasons...

which is really preferable
to an A.R.M., because it
protects you...

from fluctuating interest rates.
What are the rates now?

Eight and a half percent.
Eight and a half?
That's highway robbery!

Say! I gotta get
into this bank racket.

Autolycus, I think
you may have found
your calling.

[Laughing]
?? No more just around
the corner??

?? No more right around
the bend??

?? You know I'm back
in business??

?? Again??

??
?? I'm back in business again??

???? [Saxophone]

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Captions, Inc., Los Angeles