All language subtitles for House.S05E18.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

[Stranglehold by Ted Nugent]

*

>> YOU HAVE A PATIENT WAITING.
SEE?

>> I'M WAITING
FOR A FOLLOW-UP.

>> IF YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT MR. CASDIN,

HE HAS A "DECEASED" STICKER
ON HIS FILE,

AS DO ALL THE OTHER FOLLOW-UPS
YOU HAVE SCHEDULED FOR TODAY.

WHOOPS.

>> I HAD COLDS ALL WINTER.

>> WELL, I'VE BEEN
IN THIS ROOM AWHILE,

BUT IT'S SPRING NOW, RIGHT?

>> I FEEL RUN-DOWN

LIKE MAYBE SOMETHING BIG
IS COMING ON.

>> RUN-DOWN.
COME ON, GIVE ME SOMETHING.

SORE THROAT?
>> NO.

>> RUNNY NOSE?
>> NO.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD,
I'M A NURSE,

BUT COULD YOU RUN
MAYBE A CBC OR THYROID UP--

>> DR. CUDDY,
I NEED A CONSULT.

UNTIL SHE STOPS SEIZING,
I MAY AS WELL

GO BACK TO MY OFFICE
AND GET MY DIAGNOSIS ON.

>> SHE'S URINATING ON HERSELF.

>> SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE.
IF SHE HADN'T PEED--

>> IT'S GREEN.

>> INTERESTING.

[Massive Attack's Teardrop]

*

>> 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.

HEAD OF NURSING
AT AN OLD-AGE HOME.

>> NEUROLOGICAL SYMPTOMS
AND "P"?

OH, GREEN PEE.
I GET IT.

NICE.

>> "NEURO" IS ALSO
WRITTEN IN GREEN.

DOES THAT MEAN SHE HAS GREEN
NEUROLOGICAL SYMPTOMS AS WELL?

>> FROM NOW ON,
I'M GONNA USE TWO COLORS.

GREEN INDICATES IRONY.

>> PSEUDOMONAS INFECTION.

>> SHE'D HAVE A FEVER.
TOXINS?

>> WHY ARE WE TAKING
THIS CASE?

>> WELCOME, YOUR LORDSHIP.

WE WERE JUST PREPARING
YOUR MORNING BRIEFING.

>> SORRY I'M LATE.

AND, YES,
GREEN PEE DOES MEET

THE ONLY DIAGNOSTIC REQUIREMENT
YOU CARE ABOUT--

IT'S INTERESTING.

BUT IS IT WORTH
US TAKING THIS CASE?

>> "US" AREN'T
TAKING ANYTHING.

I'M TAKING.
YOU'RE ACCEPTING.

>> OKAY, I ACCEPT.

SHE HAS ADULT-ONSET EPILEPSY,

AND SHE REALLY LIKES
THOSE ST. PATRICK'S DAY BEERS.

>> GO CHECK OUT
THE HOUSE AND THE OFFICE

FOR TOXINS AND INFECTIONS.

>> HER NEURO EXAM WAS NORMAL.

NO SUBSEQUENT SEIZURES.

IT'S NOT LIFE-THREATENING.
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

>> LUCKILY NEITHER ARE YOU.

>> YOU OKAY?

>> I'M FINE.

>> YOU AND HOUSE THIS MORNING,

THE WAY YOU WERE ARGUING.

>> [sighs]

AIRING DISAGREEMENTS
DOESN'T QUALIFY AS ARGUING.

>> COME ON, MAN.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP.
WE'RE FRIENDS.

>> THERE ARE
400 JAPANESE TEENAGERS

YOU WERE PLAYING HALO
WITH LAST NIGHT

YOU'RE BETTER FRIENDS WITH.

YOUR AVATAR SHOULD ASK
THEIR AVATARS

HOW THEY'RE DOING.

>> I CONSIDER YOU
A GOOD FRIEND

EVEN IF WE DON'T HANG
THAT MUCH OUTSIDE WORK.

>> I WASN'T ARGUING WITH HIM.

>> YOU KINDA WERE.

>> FINE, I WAS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
I WAS RIGHT.

YOU GOT CONNED.

METHYLTHIONINIUM
CHLORIDE.

NOTABLE SIDE EFFECT,
GREEN URINE.

SHE'S A NURSE.
SHE KNOWS THE DOSAGE.

KNOWS HOW TO FAKE A SEIZURE.

SHE PEES PEA SOUP AND GETS
THE WARM ATTENTION OF DOCTORS

ALL WEEK LONG.

SHE'S A MUNCHAUSEN,
AND YOU'RE HER MARK.

>> SO YOU'RE INSIGHT
IS BASED ON DISCOVERING

AN ANTI-ALZHEIMER'S DRUG
AT AN OLD-AGE HOME.

>> NO GOOD REASON
IT'D BE SITTING IN HER DESK.

>> YOU EVER TRIED
TO PEE ON YOURSELF IN PUBLIC?

IT'S NOT EASY.

>> SORRY, I RUSHED
THE JEWISH FRAT.

WE PEED IN PRIVATE.

>> FOR GOOD REASON.

I CAN SPOT
A FAKE SEIZURE.

WHICH MEANS THIS WAS REAL.

WHICH MEANS HER PROBLEM
IS PHENOL.

>> CARBOLIC ACID?

YEAH, MAYBE SHE
ACCIDENTALLY INHALED SOME

AT A GOUT TREATMENT FACILITY
CIRCA 1890.

>> IT'S STILL IN SOME
ANTISEPTIC THROAT SPRAYS.

SHE'S BEEN CHUGGING IT
ALL WINTER FOR HER COLDS.

PHENOL EXPLAINS THE SEIZURE
AND THE URINE.

>> SHE'D HAVE TO DRINK
FIVE BOTTLES A DAY.

>> WHICH IS WHY I'M SURE
YOU WON'T HAVE TROUBLE

DISCOVERING EVIDENCE OF IT
WHEN YOU SEARCH HER HOUSE.

BYE.

AND YOU CAN START HER ON
CHARCOAL HEMOPERFUSION

FOR THE PHENOL POISONING.

SERIOUSLY?

>> OH, YOU WERE LYING
ABOUT THE THROAT SPRAY.

THAT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE.

SO WHY ARE YOU
WASTING TAUB'S TIME?

>> BECAUSE I DON'T
WANT HIM TO KNOW THAT I'M

WASTING MY TIME DISPROVING
HIS FAKE SEIZURE THEORY.

ZIP.

>> CHRIS?

CHRIS TAUB, RIGHT?

NEIL ZANE.

I WAS TWO YEARS UNDER YOU
AT COLLEGIATE HIGH, REMEMBER?

>> SURE.

>> SO YOU'RE SOME
BIG DOCTOR HERE NOW?

>> I'M A DOCTOR.
YOU?

>> WELL, I WAS SPEAKING
AT AN ECON COURSE

OVER AT THE UNIVERSITY.

I TRIPPED AND BANGED MY LEG.

>> I HAVE SOME TIME.

COME WITH ME.

>> HI.
TESTS BACK?

>> HEAD CT WAS NEGATIVE.

>> WHAT ABOUT
A THYROID UPTAKE

OR ABDOMINAL ULTRASOUND?

>> SURE.

HOW 'BOUT I FLASH SOME LIGHTS
IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE FIRST?

>> YOU WANT ME TO HAVE
ANOTHER SEIZURE?

>> WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GIVE UP THE ROOM

UNLESS WE CAN
CONFIRM A PROBLEM.

>> OKAY.

>> DAMN IT.

>> OH, GOD.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I'M SO SORRY.

>> WHAT ARE YOU
WORRIED ABOUT?

MAYBE A NIGHT IN JAIL
FOR FRAUD.

I HAVE TO GO TELL ONE
OF MY EMPLOYEES HE WAS RIGHT.

>> I'M NOT A MUNCHAUSEN.

I'M GONNA DIE
UNLESS YOU HELP ME.

>> YOU'LL HAVE TO COME UP
WITH SOMETHING MORE ORIGINAL.

>> A CAT PREDICTED MY DEATH.

>> CATS MAKE TERRIBLE DOCTORS.

OH, NO, WAIT,
THAT'S WOMEN.

YOU'RE SCREWED.

>> HOW'D YOU SLIP?

>> OH, I'VE HAD THIS DIZZINESS
PROBLEM FOR A WHILE NOW.

>> YOU GET CHECKED
FOR LABYRINTHITIS?

>> ON ANTIBIOTICS
FOR A WEEK.

NO DIFFERENCE.

>> LIE DOWN A SEC.

>> WHOA, WHOA, I'M DIZZY.

>> THAT'S NORMAL.

SO WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING?

>> ENTREPRENEURSHIP.

I'M A CEO,
OSTTECH INDUSTRIES.

WE MAKE MEDICAL DEVICES.

>> ALL RIGHT,
YOU CAN SIT UP.

>> SO DID THAT
TELL YOU ANYTHING?

DID I--

OH, MY GOD.

THE--YOU JUST CURED ME.

>> I FIGURED YOU HAD
A TINY CALCIUM DEPOSIT

IN YOUR INNER EAR;
I JUST SHIFTED IT AROUND.

>> I'VE SEEN
THREE DOCTORS FOR THIS.

I'M BUYING YOU DINNER.

>> FORGET IT.
>> COME ON.

I'M ALSO IN INVESTOR
IN A CLUB.

WE'LL MAKE IT A NIGHT OUT.

>> NO, I'M MARRIED,
BORING.

>> I KNOW SOME MARRIED
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T BORING.

>> A FEW YEARS BACK,

I WAS ONE OF THEM.

GOOD LUCK.

>> IF YOU'RE GONNA
KILL ME AND RAPE ME,

PLEASE DO IT IN THAT ORDER.

>> THIS IS THE CAT, DEBBIE.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF HER?

>> DEBBIE.

SORRY BUT WITHOUT
A LAST NAME--

>> SHE WAS IN THE NEWS.

WE FOUND HER AS A KITTEN.
SHE LIVES IN THE NURSING HOME.

SHE ONLY SLEEPS NEXT TO PEOPLE
WHEN THEY'RE ABOUT TO DIE.

TEN PATIENTS
IN THE LAST YEAR.

AND THEN YESTERDAY
SHE DID IT TO ME

WHILE I WAS SITTING
ON MY COUCH.

PLEASE, THE WHOLE STAFF,
THE DOCTORS EVEN,

WE ALL KNOW THIS IS REAL.

>> CAN YOU COME BACK LATER?

I HAVE SOME BUSINESS
I'M CONDUCTING

WITH THE PRINCE OF NIGERIA.

>> JUST WATCH THIS VIDEO.

IT'LL PROVE
I'M NOT LYING.

DR. HOUSE, I'M BEGGING YOU.

[labored breathing]

CHEST.

>> QUICK!

BEFORE SHE GOES WITHOUT
ATTENTION FOR EIGHT SECONDS.

>> HOUSE.

[labored breathing continues]

>> SHE'S FAKING.
THE CAT TOLD ME.

>> LISTEN.

SOFT BREATH SOUNDS.

MEANS IT'S BRONCHOSPASM.

CAN'T FAKE THAT.

>> DEBBIE THE CAT
SPENDS MOST OF HER TIME

JUST PROWLING THE HALLS,

THE QUEEN OF HER OWN
PRIVATE WORLD.

>> GOTTA SAY, I DON'T THINK
THE CHANGES THEY'VE MADE

TO AMERICAN IDOL
REALLY WORK FOR ME.

>> WHEN DEBBIE CLIMBS
ON A PATIENT'S BED

AND GOES TO SLEEP,

WE CALL THE LOVED ONES
AND TELL THEM TO COME IN.

>> YOU WANT TO TREAT HER?

SHE'S A NUTJOB.

>> DON'T WE ALL HAVE QUIRKS?

AREN'T THOSE ECCENTRICITIES
WHAT MAKE US HUMAN?

>> IT'S LIKE DEBBIE'S
HERE ON EARTH

TO BRING PEOPLE
TO THE OTHER SIDE.

>> ALSO AGREED
IS THE CAT DOES SEEM--

>> NUTJOBS GET SICK TOO.

>> SO YOU THINK
THIS CAT STORY IS NONSENSE.

AND YOU ADMIT SHE FAKED
HER EARLIER SYMPTOMS.

BUT YOU STILL THINK
SHE'S ACTUALLY SICK NOW?

>> WELL, ANYTHING
WOULD SOUND RIDICULOUS

IF YOU SAID IT
IN THAT VOICE.

>> CONFIRM SHE'S FAKING

OR I'M GONNA HAVE
TO KICK HER OUT.

>> THERE'S THAT VOICE AGAIN.

>> I'LL GIVE YOU 24 HOURS.

>> CONSECUTIVE?

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> NO, MR. BOND,
I EXPECT YOU TO DIE.

BRONCHOSPASM, GO.

>> BRONCHITIS.

>> NO COUGH, NO FEVER.

AND BLOFELD
DIDN'T SMOKE A CIGAR.

>> HE MIGHT HAVE.

DUDE HAD A LAIR.
MEANS HE WAS RICH.

RICH PEOPLE ENJOY
A GOOD STOGIE.

SOMETIMES SEND THEM
AS GIFTS.

HEY, TAUB, DID THAT SOUND
LIKE I WAS AWKWARDLY

TRYING TO SEGUE
INTO MAKING A POINT?

>> YES.

>> EMPHYSEMA.

>> LUNGS WERE CLEAN
ON THE CT.

DOGS CAN BE TRAINED
TO PREDICT DIABETIC COMAS,

EPILEPTIC SEIZURES;
THEY CAN SMELL CANCER.

IT IS POSSIBLE THERE'S
SOMETHING IN THIS CAT.

>> IT'S MORE POSSIBLE
THAT IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE.

10 MILLION NURSING HOMES.
100 MILLION PET CATS.

ONE OF THEM WAS BOUND
TO PICK A FEW WINNERS.

>> DEBBIE WAS ABLE TO PREDICT
THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG

WITH THE PATIENT
BEFORE YOU WERE.

IS THAT A COINCIDENCE TOO?

>> MAYBE THE CAT
DIDN'T PREDICT ANYTHING.

MIGHT HAVE CAUSED THE DEATHS.

>> WE SHOULDA LISTENED
TO TED NUGENT.

>> YEAH, IT COULD
BE CAT SCRATCH FEVER

OR VISCERAL LARVA MIGRANS.

MAYBE HE DIDN'T KILL
EVERYONE AT THE NURSING HOME,

BUT IT MAY BE KILLING MORGAN.

>> THE WORMS HOP FROM THE CAT
TO THE CAT LADY'S LUNGS.

I COULD BUY THAT.

>> THOSE CIGARS WERE FOR ME.

>> HEY, THAT REMINDS ME,
WHY IS SOME FANCY CEO

SENDING YOU A BOX
OF CUBAN CIGARS?

IS IT RELATED
TO YOUR MONEY WORRIES?

>> WHAT MONEY WORRIES?

>> EXTRAPOLATING
FROM THE FACT

THAT HE'S BEEN SKIPPING
HIS MORNING MUFFIN,

I'D SAY THAT HE LOST
ALMOST ALL HIS MONEY

ON THE MARKET LAST YEAR.

>> I'M ON A DIET.

>> I'M ALSO EXTRAPOLATING
FROM THE ONLINE PORTFOLIO

YOU FORGOT TO LOG OFF,
BUT IT'S MOSTLY THE MUFFINS.

SCOPE HER FOR WORMS
IN THE LUNGS.

>> WE COULD HELP OUT IN THERE.

>> YEAH, IT TAKES
AT LEAST FOUR PEOPLE

TO LOOK INSIDE
A CRAZY WOMAN'S LUNGS

FOR IMAGINARY WORMS.

>> SO YOU'RE
IN A GOOD MOOD AGAIN.

YOU NEED ANOTHER SPEECH

ABOUT WHAT
A GREAT FRIEND I AM?

>> I'M TELLING MY WIFE
WE DON'T NEED TO DOWNSIZE,

BUT MAYBE WE DO.

>> YOU REALLY LOST
ALL THAT MONEY?

>> I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY.
I JUST FEEL BAD FOR RACHEL.

>> SHE MARRIED A GUY
IN ONE SITUATION

AND ENDED UP WITH ANOTHER;
THAT'S HARD ON ANYONE.

>> THANKS.

MAKES ME FEEL MUCH BETTER
HEARING MY WIFE'S A GOLD DIGGER.

>> NO, I JUST MEANT SHE MARRIED
THIS MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE,

SUCCESSFUL SURGEON,
AND NOW HE'S BASICALLY,

YOU KNOW, A FLUNKY
FOR THIS MAD SCIENTIST...

WHO SAVES LIVES,
SO THAT'S GOOD.

>> THERE ARE NO WORMS
IN THE LUNGS.

>> WHAT ELSE
COULD CAUSE BRONCHOSPASM?

>> SEVERE ACID REFLUX.

>> NO ESOPHAGITIS.
IT'S NOT REFLUX.

>> WHY ARE YOU PUSHING
A CRASH CART?

>> BECAUSE PATIENTS
SOMETIMES CRASH.

AND THEY HAVEN'T YET INVENTED
A CRASH TRACTOR

FOR ME TO DRIVE
WILDLY AROUND THE HALLWAYS.

>> WHY ARE WE IN
THE COMA PATIENTS' ROOM?

>> YOU ACTUALLY THINK
THE CAT IS GOING TO PREDICT

SOMEONE'S DEATH?

>> NO, I KNOW THE CAT
THE NOT GOING TO PREDICT

ANYONE'S DEATH.

THEN I WILL HAVE
SCIENTIFICALLY DISPROVED--

>> YOU DIDN'T KEEP
THIS PATIENT DESPITE THE CAT.

YOU KEPT THIS PATIENT
BECAUSE OF THE CAT.

YOU'RE SCARED
THERE'S SOMETHING TO IT.

[cat purring]

>> IF I COULD PROVE

THE NON-EXISTENCE
OF AN OMNISCIENT GOD

WHO LOVINGLY GUIDES US
TO THE OTHER SIDE, I WOULD.

CAT VERSION'S
GONNA HAVE TO DO.

[cat yowling]

>> ARE YOU SCARED?

>> CATS BRAINS
ARE ALWAYS IN ALPHA MODE.

THE FEW SCIENTIFIC TESTS

THAT HAVE SEEMED TO CONFIRM
PHYSIC PHENOMENA,

THAT'S WHERE IT TAKES PLACE.

>> PLEASE TELL ME
THAT YOU WERE KIDDING

SO I WON'T HAVE TO FIRE YOU.

>> I WAS KIDDING.

[cat meows]

>> WE STILL HAVE
A HUMAN PATIENT, RIGHT?

AIRBORNE ALLERGENS POSSIBLE?

>> SKIN TEST WAS NEGATIVE.
>> LUNGS MAY BE MORE SENSITIVE.

>> OR HOUSE JUST SCREWED UP.

IF YOU MISINTERPRETED
THE BREATH SOUNDS

AS SOFT INSTEAD OF LOUD,

IT'S LARYNGOSPASM INSTEAD
OF BRONCHOSPASM,

WHICH YOU CAN GET
FROM A SIMPLE PANIC ATTACK,

WHICH SHE WAS HAVING.

>> I ALSO HEARD
THE LUNG SOUNDS TOO, TAUB.

YOU SAYING I SCREWED UP?

>> "SCREWED UP"
IS MAYBE TOO HARSH, BUT YES.

>> DON'T YOU WANT
TO CHECK THEIR CHARTS?

>> OF COURSE NOT.

THIS IS A DOUBLE-BLIND.

I DON'T WANT TO EVEN
SUBCONSCIOUSLY SIGNAL

TO TEDDY
WHICH ONE'S THE SICKEST.

>> HER NAME'S DEBBIE.

>> ARE THOSE WELTS
ON THAT GUY'S ARM?

>> WERE THEY HERE
WHEN WE GOT HERE?

>> HE HAS A SEVERE CAT ALLERGY.

>> THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

>> LOOK AT DEBBIE.

>> GOOD NEWS,

MISTER...LIMPERT,

WHEN YOU DON'T DIE TONIGHT

YOU WILL FINALLY HAVE DONE
SOMETHING GOOD FOR THE WORLD

AS OPPOSED
TO YOUR LIFE AS A...

FIREMAN.

FOREMAN'S AIRBORNE ALLERGEN
THEORY MAKES THE MOST SENSE.

DO A METHACHOLINE CHALLENGE
ON CATGIRL TO CHECK IT OUT.

>> I TOLD YOU TO GET RID
OF "DEATH CAT".

>> DO YOU SEE A CAT?

>> I SEE A LITTER BOX.

>> THIS IS A DISABILITY,
DR. CUDDY.

CAN'T MAKE IT
TO THE MEN'S ROOM ON TIME.

>> YOU PEE ON THE MICE TOO?

>> WELL, NOW YOU SEE
THE MICE ACTUALLY PROVE

THAT I DON'T HAVE A CAT.

>> ARE THESE--

ARE THESE THE GENETICALLY
MODIFIED LAB MICE

FROM ONCOLOGY?

>> GENETICALLY MODIFIED
FOR TASTINESS.

[smacks lips]

>> GET RID OF THE CAT,

AND GET RID
OF YOUR PATIENT.

>> MY TEAM'S DOING
A METHACHOLINE CHALLENGE.

>> YOUR TEAM JUST COMPLETED
A METHACHOLINE CHALLENGE,

WHICH CAME UP NEGATIVE.

>> WHO TOLD YOU
ABOUT THE TEST?

TAUB?

>> I'LL NEVER SAY, BUT YES.

>> HER AIRWAYS CLAMPED DOWN.
I HEARD IT.

WE KICK HER ONTO THE STREET,
IT COULD HAPPEN AGAIN.

I WISH THERE WAS A LAWSUIT CAT.
IT COULD WARN YOU.

>> I'M SORRY, BUT IF YOU
WON'T ESCORT HER OUT,

I'LL HAVE TO GET SECURITY
TO DO IT.

>> YOU'RE JOINING ME
FOR A GOOD-BYE SMOKE.

>> I DON'T SMOKE.

>> FINE.

IF YOU DON'T WANT
THE SEVENTH GRADERS

TO THINK YOU'RE COOL.

I WENT THROUGH YOUR PURSE.

HOROSCOPES.
GOOD LUCK CHARMS.

YOU WENT TO A GOOD COLLEGE,
GOOD NURSING SCHOOL.

SO YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS
A SUPERSTITIOUS IDIOT.

>> I'M NOT A SUPER--

>> HOW 'BOUT FOUR YEARS,

THAT SOUND RIGHT?

THAT'S WHEN YOU SWITCHED
FROM A FAMILY INSURANCE PLAN

TO THE ONE YOU'RE ON NOW.

>> I WAS MARRIED.
I GOT DIVORCED.

>> TWO YEARS BEFORE THAT,

YOU GOT CHICKEN POX SHOTS,

WHICH YOU ONLY GET IN ADULTHOOD
WHEN YOU HAVE A KID.

OR I SHOULD SAY
WHEN YOU HAD A KID

BECAUSE NO KID
HAS COME TO VISIT YOU.

WHICH ALL MAKES ME THINK
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED.

>> IT WAS MY STEPSON,
TIMOTHY.

[coughs]

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

>> HE WAS IN SCHOOL.

HE WAS HAVING
HIS MORNING SNACK.

AND HE CHOKED.

AND THE TEACHER SAW IT,

AND THEY DID EVERYTHING
THAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DIED.

>> YOU WANT TO MAKE IT
MAKE SENSE.

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

>> IT'S MEANINGLESS,
IS WHAT'S WRONG.

WHAT'S WRONG IS THAT
IT DOESN'T DO A THING

TO BRING YOUR KID BACK

OR PUT YOU AND YOUR EX
TOGETHER AGAIN.

>> [coughs]

RASH ON YOUR NECK.

PROBABLY NOT ENOUGH
FOR CUDDY.

>> [coughing]
I CAN'T BREATHE.

>> HEY, DOC.

[labored breathing]

BREATH SOUND SOFT TO YOU,
DOC?

>> HOORAY!
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY SICK.

CHURG-STRAUSS FITS BEST.

HERE'S THE PLAN--

TAUB, YOU CHANGE
THE LITTER BOX.

>> THIS IS PATHETIC.

YOU'RE STILL PUNISHING ME
FOR CALLING YOU OUT

ON THE GREEN URINE LADY?

>> NOPE, THIS IS FOR
RATTING ME OUT TO CUDDY.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU
TO APOLOGIZE,

JUST SCOOP SOME POOP
OUT OF A BOX.

>> JUST CLEAN IT.

>> LET HOUSE DO IT.

>> YEAH, THAT'LL HAPPEN.

HE WON'T JUST CONTINUE TO LET
OUR ROOM SMELL LIKE CAT PEE.

I'LL CLEAN IT NEXT TIME.

>> I'M OUTTA HERE.

>> NOW THAT YOU'VE DELIVERED
THAT IMPORTANT LESSON,

I'M GONNA GO
TEST THE PATIENT.

[cat yowls]
WHOA!

[yowls]

>> WHAT, YOU THINK YOUR BAG'S
GONNA DIE NOW?

>> NOW YOU'RE PUNISHING ME

BECAUSE YOU THINK
I'M SUPERSTITIOUS?

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

>> IT'S NOT SO MUCH
ABOUT ME CARING PER SE.

IT'S MORE ABOUT ME WONDERING
WHY YOU'RE SUCH

A CREDULOUS IDIOT.

THIRTEEN,
START THE PATIENT ON STEROIDS

FOR THE CHURG-STRAUSS.

UNLESS WE HAVE SOMETHING
WE NEED TO ARGUE ABOUT.

>> THIS IS GOOD STUFF.

>> THE BEST.

IT'S MADE FROM
THE DISTILLED SWEAT

OF RECENTLY LAID-OFF
HEDGE FUND MANAGERS.

AREN'T YOU HAPPY
YOU CAME OUT TONIGHT?

>> YEAH.

I WASN'T ACTUALLY GOING TO,

BUT NOT THE GREATEST DAY
AT WORK.

I USED TO HAVE
AN OFFICE LIKE THIS.

>> USED TO?

>> WHEN I WAS
A PLASTIC SURGEON.

BUT ONE DAY I TOOK STOCK
OF MY LIFE AND--

[sighs]

SCREW IT.

I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH THE
DAUGHTER OF ONE OF MY PARTNERS.

THEY SIGNED A NON-DISCLOSURE.
I SIGNED A NON-COMPETE.

AND THE FUNNY THING IS

I WOUND UP
TELLING MY WIFE ANYWAY.

YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?

>> SAME AS YOU.
SAME AS EVERYONE.

IT HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS.

>> YOU'RE LYING
TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

>> YEAH, IT'S THE BEST.

I'M IN CHARGE, YOU KNOW?

I'M A KID WITH TOYS.

SPEAKING OF WHICH,

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE PROTOTYPE?

>> IT'S AMAZING.

GOTTA MAKE IT
A HALF-INCH SMALLER THOUGH.

>> YOU SERIOUS?

>> I GOT SMALL HANDS,
6.5 GLOVES, LIKE WOMEN SURGEONS,

WHICH ARE YOUR
FASTEST-GROWING MARKET.

MEANING THE GIRLS
WOULD HAVE TO USE TWO HANDS

TO HIT THE SWITCH.

>> WHY DO I BOTHER PAYING
THE IDIOTS THAT WORK FOR ME?

PUT DOWN
THAT CRAP YOU'RE DRINKING,

BECAUSE I AM BREAKING OUT
THE REALLY GOOD STUFF.

>> WHAT'S WRONG?

>> I WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
MY URINE--

>> GREEN AGAIN?

>> IT'S BROWN.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,
HONEST.

>> * I'M JUST A GIRL
WHO CAN'T SAY NO *

>> IT IS POSSIBLE
SHE'S STILL FAKING.

>> SHE DIDN'T FAKE
THE FOR THE BRONCHOSPASM.

YOU THINK SHE'S FAKING
SOME STUFF BUT NOT OTHER STUFF?

MAYBE SHE'S "UNCHAUSEN".

>> I'M JUST SAYING THE BROWN
URINE DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

>> WHAT?

>> NOTHING.

>> WE'VE RULED OUT EVERY
POSSIBLE CAUSE FOR BROWN URINE.

NO BLOOD IN THE URINE.

LIVER AND KIDNEYS FINE.

>> BROWN COULD BE FECAL.
A FISTULA--

>> WE CHECKED.

>> HOW DO WE KNOW THE URINE
IS STILL BROWN?

>> HAD TO BE.

ONCE YOU'VE GONE BROWN--

>> IF WE'VE RULED OUT

EVERYTHING THAT CAN MAKE
THE URINE BROWN,

WHAT IF IT JUST LOOKED BROWN?

IF THE GREEN DYE
NEVER LEFT HER SYSTEM,

WHAT PLUS GREEN MAKES BROWN?

>> PURPLE.

STREP BOVIS INFECTION
FROM COLON CANCER.

PARANEOPLASTIC SYNDROME
WOULD EXPLAIN THE BRONCHOSPASM.

>> WE SCOPED HER WHEN WE
CHECKED FOR THE FISTULA.

THERE'S NO TUMOR.

>> OH, NO.

>> I WASN'T SCARED
BY THE UMBRELLA EITHER.

>> WHAT?

NOT EVERYTHING'S
ABOUT YOU, KUTNER.

>> I REALIZE IT'S STUPID.

I JUST--
I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING.

I DON'T WANT TO INVITE--

>> GREAT, 'CAUSE I THOUGHT
YOUR SUPERSTITIOUSNESS

HAD TO DO WITH YOUR FOLKS
BEING KILLED.

BUT "YOU'RE STUPID"
WORKS JUST AS WELL.

>> WHY IS THERE
A LADDER HERE?

>> OOPS.

FORGOT THAT ONE.

SCOPES DON'T WORK AS WELL
AS PILLCAMS.

GIVE HER ONE.
FIND THE TUMOR.

COME WITH ME,
TINY TAUB.

COME ON.

>> SORRY I WAS LATE AGAIN.

I'VE GOT A LONG COMMUTE
FROM THE POOR HOUSE.

>> KNEW IT WHEN I HIRED YOU.

YOU'D EVENTUALLY
MISS THE MONEY,

BEING THE BIG SHOT
LIKE YOUR NEW CEO FRIEND,

IF THAT NIGHTCLUB STAMP
ON YOUR HAND

IS ANY INDICATION.

>> DON'T WORRY,
I'M NOT QUITTING.

>> I KNOW.

GUY WHO SIGNS A NON-COMPETE

INSTEAD OF JUST TELLING
HIS WIFE THAT HE CHEATED

DOESN'T HAVE
THE GUTS TO QUIT.

>> BAD EXAMPLE.
I DID TELL HER.

>> FROM GUILT,
NOT FROM COURAGE.

AND BRAVELY RUNNING TO CUDDY
BEHIND MY BACK.

ARRIVING HEROICALLY
TO WORK EVERY DAY.

COWARDS MAKE LOUSY EMPLOYEES.

MAYBE YOU'RE A COWARD,
MAYBE YOU'RE QUITTING.

EITHER WAY, I'M SCREWED.

YOU WILL NOTE HOW
FASTER PUSSYCAT KILL, KILL

HAS SNUGGLED UP
BY COMA GUY OVER THERE.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,
SHE DID YESTERDAY AS WELL.

AND HE'S STILL BREATHING.

WE DONE?

>> THANK YOU
FOR SHOWING ME THIS.

BUT MAYBE SHE'S JUST CONFUSED
IN THIS NEW ENVIRONMENT.

>> IN 1844, A PREACHER
IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

ADDED UP SOME DATES
IN THE BIBLE

AND PREDICTED JESUS' RETURN.

HIS FOLLOWERS GAVE AWAY
ALL THEIR POSSESSIONS

AND SHOWED UP IN A FIELD.

GUESS WHO DIDN'T SHOW.

SO THE PREACHER SAID
THAT HE MISCALCULATED,

AND THEY WENT RIGHT BACK
THE NEXT MONTH

BUT WITH MORE FOLLOWERS.

EVERY TIME HE WAS
IRREFUTABLY PROVED WRONG,

IT REDOUBLED
EVERYONE'S BELIEF.

>> I KNOW I SOUND
JUST LIKE THEM.

BUT I ALSO KNOW
YOU'RE WRONG.

SOMETHING TERRIBLE'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.

>> YOU TRYING TO PROVE
TO HER SHE'S NOT DYING?

>> THAT WOULD BE DUMB,
AS SHE MIGHT BE DYING.

>> THIS WOMAN LOST HER KID.

WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING BELIEFS

THAT GIVE HER
A LITTLE BIT OF COMFORT?

>> I DON'T CARE
IF HER SUPERSTITIONS

MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.

I JUST WANT HER
TO THINK MORE CLEARLY.

>> OH, MAYBE THAT COULD MAKE
HER AS HAPPY AS YOU ARE.

[elevator dings]

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

>> EXPERIMENTING.

[cat meows, purrs]

STOP IT, DR. WILSON.
IT'S JUST NOT CUTE ANYMORE.

>> YOU ALREADY EXPERIMENTED
ON THE COMA GUY.

HAVEN'T YOU PROVED YOUR POINT?

>> NOT TO THE PATIENT.

AND NOT TO THE MILLIONS
OF IDIOTS WHO DROOLED

OVER THAT NEWS ITEM
ABOUT THE MAGIC CAT.

>> WHY ARE YOU
SO OBSESSED WITH THIS?

CAN'T YOU JUST CALL HER AN IDIOT
AND LEAVE EVERYONE ALONE?

>> HEY, LOOK, KIDS,
THERAPY CAT.

>> YOU'RE A LIAR.

THERAPY ANIMALS ARE DOGS,
NOT CATS.

>> AREN'T YOU FEISTY?

THIS ONE'S SPECIAL.

IF SHE LIKES YOU,
INTERESTING STUFF HAPPENS.

[cat yowls]

>> UH, KIDS,
PLAYTIME'S OVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT,
THIS IS A GOOD THING.

BECAUSE EITHER YOU'RE
STARTING TO DOUBT YOURSELF,

WHICH IS HEALTHY, OR--

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IN
THE LEGEND OF GOOD-BYE KITTY.

>> OR YOU'RE STARTING TO GIVE
A CRAP WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK,

WHICH IS JUST ANOTHER WAY
OF SAYING YOU GIVE A CRAP

ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

>> I'D LOVE TO HEAR
MORE OF YOUR THEORY,

BUT I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.

ALSO THE PILLCAM'S BACK.

POLYPOID.

RAISED EDGES.

>> RAISED EDGES
ARE ACTUALLY NECESSARY,

SINCE THAT'S THE OPENING
TO THE APPENDIX.

>> HOW MANY TIMES
ARE WE GONNA WATCH THIS?

THERE'S NO TUMOR.

>> OH, MY GOD.

THE DEATH CAT
IS ATTACKING YOUR LEGS.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE.

>> MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THAT LITTLE RED DOT

DANCING AROUND DOWN THERE.

>> OH, MY GOD, THE DEATH LASER
IS ATTACKING YOUR LEGS.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE.

>> WE'RE WASTING TIME
LOOKING FOR CANCER.

SHE'S STILL WALKING AROUND.

SHE'S STILL PRETTY HEALTHY.

MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING MINOR.

>> MAYBE WE'RE
NOT WASTING TIME.

WE WOULDN'T HAVE SEEN
A FLAT LESION.

>> SKIN CANCER COULD HAVE
METASTASIZED TO THE INTESTINES.

COOL.

CHECK FOR MELANOMAS.

>> HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

COME HERE.

HERE, KITTY.

[cat meows]

[phone rings]

>> WHAT?
>> IT'S NOT CANCER.

WE FOUND SPIDER VEINS
ON HER BACK.

THEY WEREN'T THERE
WHEN SHE CAME IN.

>> SPIDER VEINS
MEANS CUSHING'S.

COULD CAUSE
AN ABDOMINAL DISTURBANCE,

BROWN URINE--

>> BUT THE BRONCHOSPASM?

>> CUSHING'S MYOPATHY.

IT'S UNCOMMON BUT--

WAIT A SECOND.

YOU DIDN'T WAKE ME UP
TO TELL ME A SYMPTOM

THAT'S NOT KILLING HER.

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

>> I THINK SHE'S DYING.

>> I JUST TOLD YOU
IT'S CUSHING'S.

>> I DON'T MEAN
BECAUSE OF THE SPIDER VEINS.

MR. LIMPERT DIED.

>> IF THAT'S
MY HIGH SCHOOL GYM TEACHER--

>> IT'S YOUR COMA PATIENT.

HE WAS STABLE
FOR A YEAR AND A HALF,

AND HE JUST DIED.

THE CAT WAS RIGHT, HOUSE.

>> HERE, PUSS, PUSS, PUSS,
PUSS, PUSS.

>> SAY "PUSS" ONE MORE TIME.

IT'S THE SIXTH "PUSS"
THAT REALLY DOES IT.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

SULKING WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING.

THAT CAT SAT ON MY LAP,
AND THAT CAT KNOWS SOMETHING.

>> YOU BELIEVE IT NOW?

>> YESTERDAY IT WAS
ALL A COINCIDENCE.

>> YESTERDAY IT WAS

UNTIL I UNINTENTIONALLY
PROVED IT WASN'T.

>> PATIENT
MUST HAVE CUSHING'S.

WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
WHETHER IT'S--

>> CAT'S NOSE IS POWERFUL.

IT COULD SMELL LIVER
OR KIDNEY FAILURE.

>> EXACTLY, EXCEPT
IF YOU'D GLANCED

AT THE NURSING HOME FILES
I HAD FAXED OVER THIS MORNING,

YOU'D KNOW THAT MOST
OF THE PATIENTS'

LIVERS AND KIDNEYS WERE FINE;
WHAT ELSE?

>> MRIs AREN'T TELLING US
IF THE CUSHING'S

IN HER ADRENALS
OR HER BRAIN.

>> SO CHECK HER A.C.T.H.

>> A CAT'S VISION IS AT
THE BLUE END OF THE SPECTRUM.

>> A.C.T.H. IS 11.7.

IT'S TOO CLOSE TO TELL.

WE CAN'T TREAT
THE WRONG ORGAN

'CAUSE THAT WON'T SOLVE
ANYTHING.

SHE COULD HAVE A CORTISOL STORM,
COULD KILL HER.

>> WELL, MAYBE
AS THE SENIOR FELLOW

YOU COULD HAVE MADE SURE
THAT MY DOORS WERE CLOSED,

SO THAT I COULD BE
CONCENTRATING ON THE CAT

INSTEAD OF LOOKING
FOR THE CAT.

[labored breathing]

>> YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOUR NOSE.

>> WHAT'D HE SAY?

>> SOUNDS LIKE HE SAID,

"DO YOU LIKE
CRANBERRY JUICE?"

CRAP.

>> CHEAPER THAN FAKE BLOOD.

AND MORE CRAN-TASTIC.

DON'T EVER LEAVE MY DOOR
OPEN LIKE THAT AGAIN.

>> YOU'RE PLAYING PRANKS,
AND THIS WOMAN COULD BE DYING.

>> SO HAVE CHASE
DO A VENOUS SAMPLING

IN HER BRAIN.

IF HE FINDS SOMETHING,
IT'S THERE.

IF HE FINDS NOTHING,
IT'S THE ADRENALS.

>> I'M NOT WHO I USED TO BE.

I'M SCARED.

THAT'S NOT A WAY TO LIVE.

I WANT TO COME WORK FOR YOU.

>> [sighs]

JEEZ, CHRIS,
YOU DIDN'T THINK--

I DIDN'T MEAN TO IMPLY
THAT I COULD HIRE YOU RIGHT NOW.

>> YOU SAID YOU NEEDED
GUYS LIKE ME.

>> I KNOW, BUT YOU DON'T
HAVE AN MBA.

AND I JUST HIRED
A CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER.

>> LET ME INVEST IN THAT
LASER SCALPEL START-UP.

I GOT MONEY SAVED.
NOT A TON BUT--

>> WE PUT IN
A $2 MILLION MINIMUM

FOR THE FIRST ROUND
FINANCING.

LOOK, I GUESS I COULD TAKE
YOU ON AT A SMALLER NUMBER.

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

IT WOULDN'T BE
SOME QUICK PAYOFF.

>> I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S NOT
GONNA CHANGE MY LIFE OVERNIGHT.

I JUST NEED
TO START CHANGING IT.

>> OKAY, THEN LET'S START.

>> WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU HOPING TO FIND

INSIDE YOUR DEAD COMA GUY?

>> CATNIP.
CHEW TOY.

I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S WHY I'M LOOKING.

>> YOUR PATIENT
HAD CARDIAC ARREST

DURING THE VENOUS SAMPLING.

WE GOT HER BACK,
BUT HER HEART'S STILL TENUOUS.

>> THAT TELL US ANYTHING?

>> SHE'S WEAK,
POSSIBLY DYING.

>> SO NOTHING.
WHAT ABOUT THE A.C.T.H.?

>> SLIGHTLY ELEVATED.

>> THAT CONFIRMS THE CUSHING'S
IS IN THE BRAIN--GO.

>> ARE YOU SURE
THAT IT'S CUSHING'S?

YOU'D EXPECT
CENTRAL BODY OBESITY.

SHE'S IN GOOD SHAPE.

>> IF IT HAD
A NORMAL PRESENTATION,

THERE WOULDN'T BE
A CAT INVOLVED.

>> SO IT'S THE BRAIN.

THAT MEANS THE NEXT QUESTION
IS WHETHER TO REMOVE

THE PITUITARY RIGHT NOW--

>> THAT'S NOT
A QUESTION FOR ME.

THAT'S A QUESTION
FOR THE PATIENT.

>> YOU'LL PRESENT BOTH SIDES
AND LET HER DECIDE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> I'VE GOTTA STOP
TELLING YOU MY THEORIES.

YOU ALWAYS JUST TRY
TO PROVE ME WRONG.

>> YOU MEAN THE THEORY
ABOUT CUDDY'S ASS

GETTING BIGGER
AT THE FULL MOON?

I CONFIRMED THAT ONE.

PHOTO'S ON MY BLOG.

>> NORMALLY, YOU'D BE
UP IN THE PATIENT ROOM

HECTORING HER ON WHAT TO DO.

INSTEAD YOU'RE
UP TO YOUR ELBOWS

IN SOME IRRELEVANT DEAD GUY
WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE

CONNECTED TO A MAGIC CAT

BECAUSE YOU WANT TO PROVE
TO ME THAT YOU DON'T CARE.

>> CASE IS OVER.

I'M EXPLORING
A SCIENTIFIC MYSTERY.

>> I PUT UP
WITH YOUR OBSESSIONS.

I EVEN ENCOURAGE THEM,
FOR ONE REASON--

THEY SAVE LIVES.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW.

>> CUSHING'S
MEANS YOUR BODY'S

OVERPRODUCING A HORMONE
CALLED CORTISOL.

THE RECOMMENDED
COURSE OF ACTION

IS TO SUPPRESS IT WITH DRUGS.

>> AND THAT WILL CURE IT?

>> JUST TREAT IT.

IT COULD COME BACK.

THE ONLY PERMANENT SOLUTION

IS TO CUT INTO YOUR BRAIN
AND REMOVE YOUR PITUITARY GLAND,

BUT THE SURGERY'S DANGEROUS.

YOUR HEART STOPPED ON THE TABLE
ONCE ALREADY.

>> I WANT THE SURGERY.

THIS THING IS GONNA KILL ME
IF I DON'T KILL IT FIRST.

>> BECAUSE OF THE CAT?

>> DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT AN IDIOT I'M BEING?

>> NO.

I REALLY BELIEVE
THAT THERE ARE THINGS

THAT SCIENCE CAN'T UNDERSTAND,

THAT THERE IS A ROLE
FOR FAITH AND PRAYER,

BUT IT'S IN THE WAITING ROOM,

NOT THE O.R.

>> THERE'S A REASON
I GOT SICK.

THERE'S A REASON
FOR ALL THE BAD THINGS

THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT REASON IS,

BUT I KNOW THAT
IF THERE ISN'T ONE,

IF THERE'S NO GREATER
PURPOSE IN THE WORLD,

THEN IT'S NOT A WORLD
I WANT TO LIVE IN.

>> I'LL SCHEDULE
AN OPERATING ROOM.

>> EARLY.

>> I'M NOT STAYING LONG.
I'M QUITTING.

>> YOU GOT A NEW JOB?

>> NO.

>> WELL, THEN YOU'RE
NOT QUITTING.

SEE YOU BACK HERE TOMORROW.

>> YOU'RE NOT ACCEPTING
MY RESIGNATION?

>> EASIER THIS WAY.

IT VOIDS THE WHOLE THING
WHERE YOU PANIC,

RUN BACK AND GROVEL,
AND I PUNISH YOU

AND THEN TAKE YOU BACK.

>> BYE.

>> BRING DONUTS.

EVERYONE LOVES
THOSE BEAR CLAWS.

[slow piano music]

*

HERE, PUSS, PUSS, PUSS,
PUSS, PUSS.

PUSS?

>> MR. TAUB.

>> I'VE BEEN WAITING 15 MINUTES.
WHERE'S NEIL?

>> NEIL DOESN'T
WORK HERE ANYMORE.

>> HE'S THE CEO.

>> I'M SORRY.
I WISH I COULD HELP YOU.

SORRY.

>> THIS IS CRAZY.

I'M INVESTING
WITH HIS COMPANY.

>> HE DOESN'T HAVE
A COMPANY.

HE WORKED HERE, BUT HE WAS
A RECEPTIONIST, A TEMP.

>> WHERE IS HE?
>> HE'S IN CUSTODY.

I REALLY AM NOT SUPPOSED
TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

>> I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL
WITH HIM.

>> THAT'S WHAT
EVERYONE ELSE THOUGHT TOO.

I'M GUESSING YOU ALSO
CURED HIS EAR PROBLEM.

DID YOU GIVE HIM
THE MONEY YET?

>> NO.

>> I WAS RIGHT.

AND MORE SATISFYINGLY,
YOU WERE WRONG.

IT WAS A COINCIDENCE.

THE CAT WAS
NOT PREDICTING DEATHS.

IT WAS JUST TRYING
TO KEEP WARM.

>> YES, DEAD PEOPLE

ARE RENOWNED
FOR THEIR WARM GLOW.

>> THEY ARE
IF THEY'RE FEVERISH,

LIKE THREE
OF THE PATIENTS WERE.

OR IF THEY'RE WASTING AWAY,
LIKE THE OTHER EIGHT.

>> WASTING DOESN'T--
>> YEAH, IT DOES.

IF IT MEANS SOMEONE STICKS
A HEATING BLANKET ON YOU.

>> [sighs]

CONGRATS.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CRAZY
OBSESSION WITH THIS CAT,

YOU'VE SOLVED
A COMPLETELY TRIVIAL MYSTERY.

>> COMPLETELY TRIVIAL?

MY GOD.

IT'S CLEARLY
ONLY PARTIALLY TRIVIAL.

DEBBIE CLIMBED ON MORGAN TOO,

WHICH MEANS
SHE WAS OVERHEATED.

SO WHAT CAUSES FLUSHING AND
MIMICS EVERY CUSHING'S SYMPTOM

EXCEPT CENTRAL BODY OBESITY?

>> CANCER.

A CORTICOTROPIN-PRODUCING
CARCINOID TUMOR

OF THE INTESTINE.

BUT YOUR PILLCAM
DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING.

>> MEANS IT MUST BE SOMEWHERE
THE PILLCAM COULDN'T GO.

>> THE APPENDIX.

CONGRATULATIONS,
YOU PROBABLY SAVED HER LIFE.

YOU DEFINITELY SAVED
HER NEEDLESS SURGERY.

>> YES, I DID.

WHAT'S THE O.R.
EXTENSION NUMBER?

JUST CURIOUS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I WOULDN'T COME HERE
FOR THANKS.

THAT WOULD BE UNGRACIOUS.

IT'S MORE ABOUT GLOATING.

YOU WERE ABOUT TO CUT OUT
A PIECE OF YOUR BRAIN

JUST TO CHASE
SOME CRAZY SUPERSTITION.

>> BUT I DIDN'T.

>> YOU "DIDN'T"
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

I STOPPED IT.

>> AND WHAT MADE YOU DO THAT?

>> SCIENCE, LOGIC, REASON.

PICK ANY THREE.

>> A CAT CHOOSES
THAT EXACT MOMENT

TO SIT ON YOUR COMPUTER.

MAYBE THAT'S
SCIENCE AND LOGIC AND REASON

OR MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING ELSE.

>> YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

>> I LOOKED UP THE PREACHER
FROM NEW YORK STATE.

HIS FOLLOWERS
NEVER FADED OUT.

THEY BECAME
THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTISTS,

A MAJOR RELIGION.

THAT MAN CHANGED
THE COURSE OF HISTORY.

>> BECAUSE HIS FOLLOWERS
WERE AS DELUDED AS HE WAS.

>> MAYBE HE JUST GAVE THEM
SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR.

>> FEEL BETTER.

KUTNER!

CAT PEE ON MY CHAIR?

>> BLOOD ON MY FACE?

>> FAKE BLOOD.

YOU PAY FOR THE DRY CLEANING.

>> WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

>> I'M NOT SURE.

>> I GUESS HE WAS IMPRESSED
YOU STOOD UP TO HIM.

AND GOT A CAT
TO PEE ON HIS CHAIR.

>> YEAH.
A CAT.

[Steve Winwood's
I'm Not Drowning]

*

* BLACK NIGHT DOWN HEAVY
ON MY WEARY BROW *

*

>> SEE YOU TOMORROW.
>> YEAH.

>> * LIGHT SHINING
IN THE POURING RAIN *

* CAN SEE SOMEHOW COLD COMFORT
IN THE BROKEN TREE *

* BUT I WON'T LET IT
BRING ME TO MY KNEES *

* I'M NOT FLYING

* BUT I'M NOT DROWNING NOW

* CLOUDS ARE BREAKING

* I'M NOT DROWNING NOW

*

* DROWNING NOW

* OH *