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1
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HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
2
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:03,879
HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?
3
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:06,038
HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪
4
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
5
00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:16,448
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,884
♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
7
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:24,656
♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,359
♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪
9
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,627
♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪
10
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,175
♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪
11
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,776
♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪
12
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,979
♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪
13
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,014
♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪
14
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,116
♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪
15
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,240
♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪
16
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,509
♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪
17
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,545
♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪
18
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,714
♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,193
♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪
20
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,916
♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
21
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:55,220
♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪
22
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,367
♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪
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00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,802
♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪
24
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:03,161
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
25
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:09,067
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
26
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:13,571
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
27
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,873
♪ GO, GO, GO ♪
28
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,741
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
29
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:33,191
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE. I AM
HERE, AND I WANNA HELP.
30
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,628
THIS IS OUR PLANET.
CAN I GET A HURRAH?
31
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,432
WHAT AM I? INVISIBLE?
DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE?
32
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,433
LISTEN TO ME!
33
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,648
UH, I WANT ONE WITH RELISH.
34
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,950
AND I WANT MINE
WITH, UM, MUSTARD.
35
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,907
I WANT YOU TO
STOP THIS INSANITY.
36
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,509
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
37
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:56,248
I'M TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING
HERE! AND THE PLANET IS DYING!
38
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,151
LISTEN. I CAN'T GET A PULSE.
39
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:01,231
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
40
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:05,123
THERE ARE 50,000 HOT
DOG COWS IN KANSAS ALONE!
41
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,525
SO? SO?
42
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:12,264
WHEN THOSE COWS BREAK
WIND, NOT ONLY IS IT STINKY,
43
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:15,233
BUT IT'S CUTTING A
HOLE IN THE OZONE!
44
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:19,605
THINK OF THOSE HOT DOGS AS
ONE CUBIC FOOT OF COW GAS.
45
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,643
BON APPÉTIT.
46
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:28,179
THAT'S IT. SEE? WE
CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
47
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,927
I'LL MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR
FACE IF YOU DON'T GET OUTTA HERE!
48
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:34,520
OH, THE TRUTH HURTS,
DOESN'T IT, CAPTAIN CARNIVORE?
49
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,525
OKAY, LITTLE RICKY,
NOW BREAK THE PIÑATA.
50
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,195
NO! PARENTS, DON'T DO IT.
51
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,363
DON'T TEACH THE
CHILDREN HOW TO KILL.
52
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,365
THIS IS GENOCIDE!
53
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,701
THIS IS A BIRTHDAY PARTY.
WOULD YOU GET LOST?
54
00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:52,470
SMOKE SCREEN, SMOKE SCREEN,
SO THE TRUTH CAN NOT BE SEEN.
55
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,543
LISTEN, KIDS, FIRST
YOU HIT A PIÑATA, NEXT
56
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,710
THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
CLUBBING BABY SEALS!
57
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:03,248
THIS IS REAL, CHILDREN.
THESE ARE THE KILLING FIELDS.
58
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,017
THE PIÑATAS ARE PILING
UP. ARE YOU WITH ME?
59
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,987
THE HELL WITH YOU, THEN!
60
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:12,002
HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY, MAN. IF YOU DON'T
GET OUTTA HERE, I WILL CALL THE POLICE.
61
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:14,125
I OUGHTA WHIP YOUR ASS!
62
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,563
YOU'VE BEEN EATING
HAMBURGER, HAVEN'T YOU?
63
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,366
I SWEAR I COULD
JUST STRANGLE YOU!
64
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,672
WHOSE IS THIS?
65
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,008
HEY, MAN. GIVE ME THE BALL!
66
00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,878
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S IN THIS THING?
67
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,413
AIR.
68
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,414
OF COURSE THERE'S AIR!
69
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:40,285
LOTS OF AIR THAT WE COULD
BE BREATHING! FREE THE AIR!
70
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,898
HEY!
71
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:44,489
GO, LITTLE AIRS, GO! GO! HURRY!
72
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,925
FLY AWAY! FLY AWAY!
73
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,328
ARE YOU CRAZY? GIVE ME MY BALL!
74
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,396
GOOD BOY, BRUISER.
75
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:56,367
OH, YOU POOR IGNORAMUS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
76
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,836
I'M TAKING CARE OF
MY DOG'S BUSINESS.
77
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:03,107
YOU CAN'T PUT HIS DOODIE IN A
PLASTIC BAG. IT'S NOT BIODEGRADABLE.
78
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,144
- ALL I WANNA DO
IS GET RID OF IT.
- NO!
79
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:08,713
SAVE THE FECES
TO FEED THE PLANET!
80
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,916
YOU PEOPLE MAKE
ME SO EXASPERATED!
81
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,920
I COULD JUST RUB YOUR NOSE
IN IT, BUT IT'D BE SUCH A WASTE!
82
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,423
BY THE WAY, CUT
DOWN ON THE KIBBLE.
83
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:24,762
OH, THANK YOU! YOU'RE HERE!
84
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,403
UH, WHAT SEEMS
TO BE THE PROBLEM?
85
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,906
THE PROBLEM IS...
86
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,902
I'M TRYING TO TEACH
THESE PEOPLE HOW TO
87
00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:39,177
EMBRACE THE PLANET
AND THEY'RE NOT LISTENING!
88
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:41,913
IT'S INSANITY. I SWEAR,
IT JUST MAKES ME CRAZY!
89
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,684
I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD JUST REACH OUT AND
DO SOMETHING. I'M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH.
90
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,921
LISTEN.
91
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:53,858
I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE. WHY
DON'T YOU JUST MOVE ALONG? AH!
92
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,127
DOES SOMEBODY HAVE A CAMCORDER?
93
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:03,267
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH.
- DON'T TOUCH ME. I'M A VEGETARIAN.
94
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,470
OH!
95
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,806
WE'VE GOT TO STOP THEM, PEOPLE!
96
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,808
WE'VE GOT TO STOP THEM!
97
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:13,344
WE ALL HAVE FIVE POUNDS OF
UNDIGESTED BUNDT CAKE IN OUR COLONS!
98
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:18,449
YOU'RE ONLY AS
CLEAN AS YOUR COLON!
99
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,886
♪♪
100
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:26,425
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
101
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:30,695
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
102
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:48,646
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪
103
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:52,651
♪ GO, GO, GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪
104
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,226
WELL, I GUESS IT ALL STARTED 'CAUSE
MY DAD USED TO KEEP POT IN THE HOUSE.
105
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:07,899
I'D SNEAK INTO THE BATHROOM,
SMOKE A FEW. I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.
106
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,635
I GUESS I JUST DID IT TO BE
COOL. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
107
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,604
HEY, MAN, YOU NODDING OFF?
108
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:17,442
SNAP OUT OF IT. I'M TRYIN' TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT SMOKIN' POT!
109
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:22,714
OH, YOUNG LADY, YOU DON'T WANNA DO
THAT. YOU WANNA SAY NO TO THE DRUGS.
110
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:26,451
THAT'S WHY YOU CALLED US HERE
TODAY, TO TALK ABOUT OUR EXPERIENCES.
111
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,753
THIS ONE TIME, I WAS
SMOKING A ROACH.
112
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:32,223
MMM. THAT'S REALLY CRUEL. WHY NOT
JUST TURN THE LIGHTS ON AND YELL, "RAID!"
113
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,759
THEY ALWAYS SCATTER.
114
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,796
NO. YOU SEE, I WAS HOLDING
THE ROACH WITH MY CLIP.
115
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:41,699
OH, SHE BROUGHT A
CLIP. SANDY, KICK IT.
116
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:46,604
NO, I'M SAYING I WAS NINE, AND
I WAS ALREADY DOIN' REEFER.
117
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,607
JUST LIKE CLARENCE THOMAS.
118
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,154
YOU KNOW, HE DID IT AT A YOUNG
AGE, AND LOOK AT HIM TODAY.
119
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,978
I THINK WE GOT A
SUPERSTAR ON THE HORIZON.
120
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:58,516
SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR,
WATCH YOURSELF. YES.
121
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:02,520
SO, ANYWAY, I WAS GETTIN' STONED IN
MY ROOM ALL THE TIME, SKIPPIN' SCHOOL,
122
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,923
SELLIN' MY PARENT'S STUFF
JUST SO I COULD BUY MORE.
123
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:08,292
YOU EVER WATCHED SOMEBODY ROLL
A JOINT? YOU REALLY DON'T WANT NONE.
124
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:11,106
FIRST OF ALL, IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE
POURIN' SOME DIRT IN THE TOILET PAPER.
125
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,431
THEN THEY LICK IT WITH
THEIR BIG-ASS LIPS...
126
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,269
THEN HAND IT TO YOU.
127
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,305
NO, THANK YOU. JUST SPIT ON ME.
128
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,853
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHIN'. DID
YOU EVER GET TO THE HARD STUFF?
129
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:27,845
- NO, NO. JUST THE SMALL STUFF.
- OH, STRIVE TO BE NUMBER ONE.
130
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:31,415
LET'S GIVE A BIG COKE-BOOGER
ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO ANICE.
131
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:36,020
YES. COME BACK WHEN
YOU'RE DOIN' CRACK. GIVE IT UP!
132
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,557
NOW, I HAVEN'T READ
THE MILK CARTON,
133
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,426
BUT MY PEOPLE TELL ME THIS
NEXT JUVENILE DELINQUENT...
134
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:45,229
IS GIVIN' DANNY BONADUCE
A BIG RUN FOR HIS MONEY.
135
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:49,100
YES. HE'S GONE
BEYOND A TRANSVESTITE.
136
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,335
ETHAN, TELL US ALL ABOUT IT.
137
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,938
I WAS 12 YEARS OLD, AND
IT ALL STARTED WITH WEED.
138
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:58,510
MMM. I LOVE THAT MOVIE, ETHAN. YES,
NICK NOLTE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE STARS.
139
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:02,280
DID YOU SEE HIM IN 48 HRS. ONE
AND TWO? HE AND EDDIE ARE MAGIC.
140
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:07,218
NOT AS MUCH AS ME AND
EDDIE, OH, BUT I LOVE NICK NOLTE.
141
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,888
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.
I WAS SMOKING WEED.
142
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:14,058
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHIN'.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO POT?
143
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,994
ALL IT DOES IS MAKE YOU
LAUGH AT EVERYTHING.
144
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:21,232
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED, YOU'RE
TIRED, FEEL STUPID ABOUT DOIN' IT.
145
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,268
KINDA LIKE WATCHIN' MY SHOW.
146
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,884
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHIN',
ETHAN. YOU'RE A YOUNG MAN.
147
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,308
YOU'RE SMOKING WEED.
WHAT ARE YOU, 12 YEARS OLD?
148
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,178
DOIN' THINGS THAT KIDS DO.
149
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,180
YOU EVER FIND YOURSELF
JUST FREAKIN' OUT?
150
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,216
- THINKIN' MAYBE SUPER MARIO
IS COMIN' TO GET YOU?
- NO.
151
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:40,785
PAC-MAN'S TRYIN' TO EAT YOU?
152
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,787
PAC-MAN'S AFTER ME!
PAC-MAN'S AFTER ME!
153
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:50,428
WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU, YOUNG LADY?
154
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,508
NOW, YOU'RE ON TOP OF
THE MISSIN' PERSON CHARTS,
155
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,501
TURNIN' TRICKS FOR
CIGARETTES, PROSTITUTION.
156
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:59,370
AT YOUR AGE, YOU EVER
ASK YOURSELF, WHAT'S NEXT?
157
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:02,007
FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GETTIN' BLASÉ?
158
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,610
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT. I'M JUST WAITING FOR MY MOM.
159
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,613
OH, AND I BET SHE'S
ONE BAD MAMA JAMA.
160
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:13,584
IF SHE LOOKS ANYTHING LIKE YOU, I'M SENDIN'
PAULA ABDUL BACK TO THE FAT FARM. YES.
161
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,922
DOES YOUR MOM TURN TRICKS?
162
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:22,360
I KNOW. BAD HOST, BAD HOST.
163
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,662
LET'S BRING IT BACK
AROUND TO MY MAN, ETHAN.
164
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,364
WHEN DID YOU START TO SAY "NO"?
165
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,867
WELL, I GUESS IT WAS WHEN
I JUST LOOKED AT MY LIFE.
166
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,571
I SAID, "GEEZ," YOU KNOW. I
WAS LIVIN' IN A BUS DEPOT.
167
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,618
I WASHED MY
CLOTHES IN THE SEWER.
168
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,410
SMELLED LIKE IT, TOO.
169
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,212
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
170
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:48,886
WHAT IS SO FUNNY?
171
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:52,857
NOTHIN'. JUST THINKIN' ABOUT MY NEW
HAIRCUT. LOOK LIKE GUMBY WITH A JERI CURL.
172
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,293
OH.
173
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,897
LET ME ASK YOU A
QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU.
174
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:02,032
YOU EVER DO
ANYTHING ILLEGAL? YEAH.
175
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:08,072
WELL, LET'S SAY HELLO TO MY MYSTERY
GUEST TONIGHT, L.A.P.D. IN THE HOUSE! YES!
176
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,486
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU SAID
YOU'D TEACH US A LESSON, ARSENIO.
177
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,777
A VERY VALUABLE LESSON, ETHAN.
178
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:17,081
IF SOMEONE EVER ASKS, DO YOU DO ANYTHING
ILLEGAL, JUST SAY NO! REMEMBER THAT!
179
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,295
JUST SAY NO!
180
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,252
STRIVE TO BE NUMBER ONE!
181
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,399
LOOK OUT FOR BUBBA. HE
LIKES YOUNG WHITE GUYS.
182
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,356
YES, BOY.
183
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,059
TAKE US HOME WITH SOME OF
THAT "CRACK PIPE, OVERDOSE,
184
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:32,063
LAYIN' IN THE ALLEY IN
YOUR OWN VOMIT" FUNK.
185
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,138
ALL RIGHT.
186
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,653
GOOD EVENING, MADAM. COULD I
HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME, PLEASE?
187
00:10:44,677 --> 00:10:47,311
SEE, I'M A POET.
OH, I LOVE POETRY.
188
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,758
WELL, GOOD. IF YOU LIKE MY POEM,
I'D APPRECIATE A SMALL DONATION.
189
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,982
IF NOT, THEN ALL I WANNA
HEAR IS YOUR HONEST CRITICISM.
190
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,985
OH, CERTAINLY. OKAY.
191
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,453
THIS POEM IS ENTITLED, "FOOD."
192
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:01,392
"GROWL, GROWL, GROWL.
193
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,762
"HUNGER PAINS IN MY
BELLY ALL DAY LONG.
194
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,732
"WHAT SHALL I DO
TO FEED MY HUNGER?
195
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,168
"SHALL I SMACK AN OLD LADY
IN THE HEAD WITH A BRICK?
196
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,571
"BRICK! CRACK! CRACK! BRICK!
197
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:18,042
"BLOOD! BRAINS! SNOT!
EYEBALLS DRAGGED UP HER CHEEK!
198
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,279
"WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT
CUTE OLD LADY, SO SWEET AND ABRUP'?
199
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,950
I THINK SHE HAS FALLEN
AND SHE CAN'T GET UP."
200
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,786
OH! OH, LORDY,
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
201
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,789
HEY, THANKS!
202
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,792
GOOD EVENING, YOUNG LOVERS.
203
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:39,530
PERHAPS COULD I ADD A BIT OF ROMANCE
TO YOUR EVENING? SEE, I'M A POET.
204
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:43,301
USUALLY YOUNG LOVE AND POETRY SEEM TO GO
HAND IN HAND. DON'T YOU AGREE, BEAUTIFUL?
205
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,003
COME ON, HONEY. LET'S
GO. NO, NO. WAIT A MINUTE.
206
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:49,540
THIS POEM IS ENTITLED,
"WHAT I GOTS TO HAVE."
207
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:56,647
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE? DON'T
EVEN TRY TO COUNT THE WAYS.
208
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:00,585
"I LOVE YOUR DEEP, HOT
KISSES AT THE END OF THE DAY.
209
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:04,822
"I LOVE YOUR
SILKY, SILKY SKIN...
210
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,157
"AND YOUR LONG, LONG LEGS.
211
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:12,529
I LOVE YOU, BABY, AND FOR
YOUR LOVE, I'LL HOWL AND BEG."
212
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,631
HONEY, LET'S GO. NO.
213
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,334
"MY LOVE IS LIKE A RED ROSE.
214
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,971
"IF SOMETHIN' GETS IN THE
WAY, I'LL BUST IT IN THE NOSE.
215
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:25,676
"SO, KICK, KICK, AND STOMP, STOMP GOES MY
FOOT UP AGAINST THE LITTLE PEA-HEADED MAN.
216
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:32,116
AND WATCH HIM "SQUIVER" AND
SHATTER AS I TAKE HIS LADY'S HAND."
217
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,687
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
218
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:40,091
LISTEN. I'M GONNA GO INSIDE
AND GET A COUPLE OF SLUSHIES.
219
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:45,462
YOU DO THAT. LISTEN, UM, I
HAVE SOME POETRY FOR YOU.
220
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,767
IT'S MY PHONE NUMBER.
GIVE ME A CALL. THANK YOU.
221
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,621
EXCUSE ME, BROTHER. BUT COULD I
HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME, PLEASE?
222
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,447
SEE, I'M A POET. WELL, EXCELLENT. I
TEACH ENGLISH OVER AT THE UNIVERSITY.
223
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:05,115
WELL, GOOD. IF YOU LIKE MY POEM,
I'D APPRECIATE A SMALL DONATION.
224
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:08,218
BUT, IF NOT, THEN, PERHAPS YOU
COULD GIVE ME YOUR HONEST CRITICISM.
225
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,498
OKAY, LET'S HEAR IT.
226
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:14,391
I CALL THIS POEM,
"NICE NEW JACKET."
227
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,962
"PUNCH! STAB! KILL! CUT
YOU WITH BROKEN GLASS.
228
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:21,832
"PUNCH! STAB! KILL! HIDE
YOUR BODY IN THE GRASS.
229
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,101
"HAVE YOU SEEN
HIM LATELY? NOT I.
230
00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,103
"HEY, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
231
00:13:26,171 --> 00:13:30,274
I DON'T KNOW, BUT I GOT A
NICE NEW JACKET, THOUGH."
232
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,755
UH, MAY I OFFER SOME CRITICISM?
233
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,256
WHAT? YOU DIDN'T LIKE MY POEM?
234
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,547
WELL, I LOVED THE CHOREOGRAPHY.
235
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,983
I LIKED THE PHYSICALITY
THAT YOU FOUND IN THE PIECE.
236
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,586
BUT I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE
TOO TIED TO STRUCTURE.
237
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,165
YOU NEED TO FREE UP YOUR
IMAGERY. WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN' TO SAY?
238
00:13:44,189 --> 00:13:49,193
WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I HAVE A
LITTLE POEM I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MYSELF.
239
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,395
IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU
HEARD IT. YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
240
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,797
OKAY.
241
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:58,435
I CALL THIS ONE,
"GET OUT OF MY FACE."
242
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:04,475
"I COULD RIP OUT YOUR
SPLEEN AND GET YOU TO CHILL,
243
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:08,779
"OR I COULD BORE OUT YOUR
BUTT WITH A SEARS POWER DRILL,
244
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:12,849
"OR DRIVE A SPIKE THROUGH YOUR
CHEST TILL MY HAND DISAPPEARS,
245
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:16,888
"OR PERFORM EMASCULATION
WITH MY MOM'S PINKING SHEARS.
246
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:20,157
"ALL THIS I COULD DO, AND
MUCH MORE IN THIS PLACE,
247
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:25,496
IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR FUNKY,
TIRED, RUSTY ASS OUT OF MY FACE!"
248
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,703
THAT'S DEEP,
BROTHER. YOU THE MAN.
249
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,005
ALL RIGHT. KEEP
UP THE GOOD WORK.
250
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:45,883
♪♪
251
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,758
♪ SPLIT THESE PILLS TRACE
YOUR WAY TO THE SKY ♪
252
00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:58,162
♪ LET'S SEE IF YOU MAKE
IT ON THE VERY FIRST TRY ♪
253
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,698
♪ WE BOTH REHEARSED
THIS PLAN FRONT TO BACK ♪
254
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:04,135
♪ AND HE WHO STRAYS
WILL GET THE INSIDE TRACK ♪
255
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:07,271
♪ NO COMIN' BACK
FROM THE HEREAFTER ♪
256
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,973
♪ THERE'S ONLY US
AND THE "X" FACTOR ♪
257
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:13,176
♪ AND IF YOU THINK YOU'LL
FIND WHAT YOU'RE AFTER ♪
258
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,947
♪ PREPARE YOURSELF FOR
THE BOOM BOX BLASTER ♪♪
259
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,451
GEE, MOM, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
260
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,466
YEAH, YEAH. IF I WORE A DRESS ONCE
IN A WHILE OR WORE A LITTLE MAKEUP,
261
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,502
I'M SURE I WOULD FEEL A
LITTLE MORE LIKE A LADY.
262
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:31,496
GOSH, MOTHER, YOU KNOW, FEMININE ADVICE
COMING FROM YOU MEANS SO MUCH TO ME,
263
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:35,032
CONSIDERING THAT YOU'RE
ABOUT AS FEMININE AS ROADKILL!
264
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,434
YOU ABANDONED ME IN A
DUMPSTER AND LEFT ME FOR DEAD!
265
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:41,806
YOU'RE A SHE-BITCH FROM HELL!
266
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,541
OH, UH. YEAH, YEAH.
267
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,379
UH, YEAH, HE'S HOME, MOM.
TALK TO YOU LATER, MOM. BYE.
268
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,648
HONEY, I'M HOME!
269
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,657
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, PUMPKIN FACE.
270
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:04,428
I DON'T BELIEVE IT. YOU REMEMBERED,
EVEN AFTER THREE MONTHS OF REHAB!
271
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,831
REHAB? HEY, HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
272
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:13,136
SURE THING, SWEET CAKES. TAKE YOUR COAT
OFF AND SIT DOWN. I'LL JUST GO GET DINNER.
273
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:17,074
OKAY, BUT HURRY UP, HONEYKINS.
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GIFTY-POO!
274
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:27,517
HERE WE GO, SAM.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
275
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:30,354
AW. ISN'T THAT NICE?
276
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,957
A TV DINNER. THAT'S
JUST WONDERFUL.
277
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,959
'CAUSE YOU KNOW, WHEN
I WAS IN BETTY FORD,
278
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:40,364
I WAS SO WHACKED OUT OF MY MIND, I
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU COOKED FOR ME.
279
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:44,334
BUT HERE I AM, CLEAN AND SOBER,
COME HOME, STARVING, DYING TO EAT,
280
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:45,736
AND WHAT DO YOU SERVE ME?
281
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,172
A DAMN TV DINNER?
282
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:53,277
SALISBURY STEAK FROM A DEAD
COW THAT DIED SIX YEARS AGO!
283
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,813
OH! WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE A BAG AND PUKE IN IT...
284
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,749
AND PUT IT IN THE
MICROWAVE, YOU BITCH?
285
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:03,788
YOU'RE A DEMON FROM
HELL, A DEMON FROM HELL!
286
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,157
OH! OH! OHH!
287
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,458
OH.
288
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,827
OH, WAIT. THERE'S TATER
TOTS. I LOVE TATER TOTS.
289
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:15,198
OH, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
290
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:28,078
HERE'S TO FIVE
YEARS OF LIVING HELL!
291
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:32,382
DO YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M PUTTING MY HAND IN
MY PANTS AND I'M LOOKING FOR YOUR PRESENT.
292
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:35,397
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LOOK
PRETTY HARD. I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT!
293
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:38,422
I DIDN'T THINK YOU
GOT ME ANYTHING, SAM.
294
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,225
WELL... OH, ISN'T
THIS SWEET. OH.
295
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:44,194
OH, LOOK. IT'S BIRTH
CONTROL PILLS.
296
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:48,065
LOOK AT THAT! ISN'T
THAT CHARMING?
297
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,287
I WAS EXPECTING MAYBE A
NECKLACE OR A BRACELET,
298
00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:52,536
BUT NO, BIRTH... YOU GOT
ME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.
299
00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:56,473
I GUESS THIS MEANS THAT WE CAN
HAVE SEX MORE THAN ONCE A YEAR!
300
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,421
'CAUSE THAT'S ABOUT HOW LONG IT
TAKES YOU TO, YOU PINHEAD BASTARD!
301
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:02,179
OH! OH! OHH!
302
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,348
OH, YEAH?
303
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,350
OH, YEAH!
304
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,753
THAT'S 'CAUSE SEX WITH
YOU IS LIKE A CORPSE!
305
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:13,791
YOU JUST LAY THERE, YOU BLOATED,
ROTTING, STINKING CARCASS FROM HELL!
306
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,460
OH, THAT'S A REAL
COMPLIMENT COMIN' FROM YOU...
307
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:20,531
SOMEONE WHO USED TO DO THE HUMPTY
DANCE WITH JESSICA HAHN. OH! OH! OHH!
308
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,833
OH, I LOVE YOU, YOU
GAGGING SLOB! AH!
309
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:26,136
YOU'RE THE LOVE OF
MY LIFE, SNOT BAG! OH!
310
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:29,406
OH! OH! OHH!
311
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:33,611
OH! CAN WE TALK? I'M TRYIN'
TO GET SOME SLEEP IN HERE.
312
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,114
OH, DID WE WAKE UP OUR
NEIGHBOR, JOAN RIVERS?
313
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,921
OH, WE'RE SORRY! WERE
WE KEEPIN' YOU UP, JOAN?
314
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,190
YEAH, I HOPE WE DIDN'T
DISTURB YOUR BEAUTY SLEEP.
315
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:50,728
WE KNOW HOW DESPERATELY YOU NEED
IT, SEEING AS YOU LOOK LIKE A BABOON!
316
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:54,265
YOU'LL NEVER BE GERALDO!
YOU'RE A LOSER! A LOSER!
317
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,934
OH! YOU'RE THE ELEPHANT WOMAN!
THE ELEPHANT WOMAN! MAKE IT GO AWAY!
318
00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,604
I'M TURNING TO STONE!
I'M TURNING TO STONE!
319
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,140
OH! OH! OH! OHH!
320
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:08,145
OH, NO. WE WOKE UP THE BABY.
321
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:12,850
DID MOMMY AND DADDY DISTURB
YOUR SLEEP, LITTLE MUFFIN? OH.
322
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,218
DID WE INTERRUPT YOUR
DREAM? 'CAUSE YOU'VE
323
00:19:15,242 --> 00:19:17,787
BEEN OUR NIGHTMARE
YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
324
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:22,826
WE NEVER WANTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!
YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT! YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT!
325
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:27,031
YOU'RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE I WAS
SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I STUCK MY.
326
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,135
WELL, GEE, I'M SORRY I'M
SUCH A BURDEN ON YOU GUYS,
327
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:34,672
BUT, FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT
EVEN SURE YOU'RE MY REAL DAD!
328
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,508
AS FOR YOU, YEAH, YOU'RE A
MOTHER... THE MOTHER OF ALL!
329
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:42,379
YOUR MILK IS CUT WITH TEQUILA! I'LL BE
IN REHAB BEFORE I'LL BE IN KINDERGARTEN!
330
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:45,482
I WANNA GO BACK!
I WANNA GO BACK!
331
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:51,521
WAAH! WAAH!
332
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,060
OH!
333
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,062
WHAT CAN I SAY?
334
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,231
I'VE NEVER HAD MORE
FUN WORKING WITH A CAST.
335
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:02,510
THIS IS THE WILDEST GROUP
IN TELEVISION, MAN. OH!
336
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,512
I JUST WANNA THANK KEENEN
AND EVERYBODY. OH! OH!
337
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,872
OH!
338
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:13,911
♪♪
27111
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