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1
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,625
Girl:
Here is it.
(groaning)
2
00:00:26,625 --> 00:00:30,417
Oh! That is disgusting!
That is some ratchet shit.
3
00:00:30,417 --> 00:00:32,417
Oh, my God.
That looks like
a gnarled root.
4
00:00:32,417 --> 00:00:34,625
(laughter)
You have to rethink premed
5
00:00:34,625 --> 00:00:38,041
if you can't handle looking
at an erect penis!
6
00:00:38,041 --> 00:00:40,917
Erect? What kind of doctor
are you trying to be?
Let me see.
7
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:44,834
Oh, that is so gross.
Why? Why would anybody
wanna look at that?
8
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:47,083
No! That's what he sent her
after she broke up with him.
9
00:00:47,083 --> 00:00:48,583
She broke up with him?
That's aggro.
10
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:50,208
She broke up with him?
Yeah.
11
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,917
She was gonna get weed
for me from him.
12
00:00:51,917 --> 00:00:53,708
Oh, that is not gonna
happen anymore.
13
00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:56,959
How do you even study stoned?
I don't know. I'm a genius?
14
00:00:56,959 --> 00:00:58,917
Oh, she's a genius.
That's what we were missing.
15
00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:00,959
It doesn't mess anything up,
so just let me...
16
00:01:00,959 --> 00:01:03,125
You do you, girl.
You live your life.
17
00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:05,417
I need to pick up my cousin
from her youth group thing,
18
00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:07,125
so I gotta go.
I gotta go too.
I'll walk with you.
19
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:10,000
Okay, sounds good.
Bye, girl.
All: Bye!
20
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,875
Why does Chantal
have that picture?
21
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:14,792
I was wondering
the same thing.
She's keeping that dick pic.
22
00:01:14,792 --> 00:01:17,083
Here.
23
00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:20,250
It's okay, I guess.
You don't know anything.
24
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,625
Go pick whatever
you want, okay?
25
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,375
And get me a drink, yeah?
Yeah!
26
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,458
You can choose.
27
00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:28,500
Um, can I have a pack
of those guys over there?
28
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,333
Can I see your ID?
Yeah.
29
00:01:37,625 --> 00:01:40,333
You need to be 21
to buy cigarettes.
30
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,750
Really? Oh, well,
I'm from Texas.
31
00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:45,458
You only have
to be 18 there, so...
32
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:51,083
Can you make an exception
for me just this once, please?
33
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,000
You don't look that tall.
I am that tall.
34
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,208
But you don't look that!
The half is very important.
35
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:58,166
I am five-three and a half.
Well, well,
you may be five-three, but--
36
00:01:58,166 --> 00:01:59,542
No, I don't think so.
Baba!
37
00:01:59,542 --> 00:02:02,542
Hey.
(speaks Urdu)
38
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,875
I have a lot of work, though.
My biology professor hates us.
39
00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:10,125
You can handle it.
How were your classes?
40
00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,750
Same as always. It looks
like my students hate me.
41
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:15,166
I got a 98 on my Mandarin.
Very good. Very good.
42
00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:17,583
(speaks Urdu)
(mother speaking on phone)
43
00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,208
Eesha:
I'm sorry. I got busy earlier,
44
00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:21,750
and then I had to pick up Nasim
from the masjid, so I'm sorry.
45
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:25,708
(mother speaking on phone)
Yeah, we're walking up the
stairs with him right now.
46
00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:30,041
Faruq khaloo says hi.
47
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:33,166
There's this fish lab I need
a little bit of help on.
I'll help you with the fish lab.
48
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:35,083
Sorry.
What's that smell, baba?
49
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:38,250
That smell?
(speaks Urdu) Okay?
50
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:40,500
Every time you get
that smell, you walk
the other way.
51
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,291
Well, I smell it
in the hallway all the time.
52
00:02:42,291 --> 00:02:44,166
So good, now you know...
(mother speaks on phone)
53
00:02:44,166 --> 00:02:45,208
Sorry.
54
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,458
Just pass it over.
55
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:52,417
Beta , you can remove
the head thing. We're home.
I like it, though.
56
00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:01,750
We talked, like, God,
twice already today.
57
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:03,750
She really needs something
better to do with her time.
58
00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:06,917
It's a matter of adjustment.
59
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,083
I'm sure we'll be the same
when Nasim goes to college.
60
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:11,417
Maybe I can go
to Texas A&M and live
with Khaloo and Khala?
61
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:15,083
Oh, they'd actually love that.
You'd be their dream daughter,
Nasim.
62
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,000
Harvard.
63
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,458
Oh, so does that mean
you're gonna actually
let her live in the dorms?
64
00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:24,208
This is all a little
bit too far off, huh?
65
00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:28,208
Let's just enjoy the tacos.
Can we have pasanday gosht?
Like naanni's?
66
00:03:32,458 --> 00:03:34,458
Eesha (whispering):
Nasim.
67
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,625
Nasim, are you awake?
68
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:53,458
♪ ♪
69
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:08,667
(phone chimes)
70
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:34,625
♪ ♪
71
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:53,250
(speaking Urdu)
72
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:56,333
I was with friends
who smoke, kahloojee.
It wasn't me.
73
00:04:57,875 --> 00:05:01,500
Can we just please agree
that I'm not stupid?
74
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,250
(speaks Urdu)
75
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:06,250
Don't worry, I'm not
going to tell your mother.
76
00:05:13,041 --> 00:05:16,375
But don't bring that filthy shit
around my kids or in my house.
77
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:17,500
(speaks Urdu)
78
00:05:29,917 --> 00:05:33,417
(whispering)
79
00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:53,417
Man (on TV):
Dealing with Heidi.
How was the club?
80
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,291
I did "Hot in Here."
You didn't!
81
00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:58,041
Woman: I did.
Man: Talent show style?
82
00:05:58,041 --> 00:06:02,291
(TV plays indistinctly)
83
00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:06,583
♪ Whenever you're ready ♪
84
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,875
(clears throat)
It's not over yet.
85
00:06:12,583 --> 00:06:13,959
Good night, gundai.
86
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:18,959
He's so ridiculous.
87
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,000
Are you going
to be up for a while?
88
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,291
I'm probably gonna be up
for a couple more hours.
89
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,208
Can you turn off the lights
before you go to bed?
90
00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:28,417
Yeah, of course.
Okay.
91
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:35,125
(muffled voices murmuring)
(floorboards creaking)
92
00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:38,500
(muffled music thumping)
93
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:26,041
(speaking Urdu)
94
00:07:34,125 --> 00:07:36,875
Okay.
Are you sure you don't
want to come with us?
95
00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,834
They're offering them
at the student union,
96
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,208
so I'm gonna get 'em
there 'cause I have
a lot of work to do.
97
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,417
Or else you're
gonna burn out.
I will.
98
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:49,041
But first can you help me
with this please?
99
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:50,708
Yeah, of course.
100
00:07:50,708 --> 00:07:53,291
Don't forget you said you'd
make pasanday gosht tonight!
101
00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:57,417
Okay, Nasim. I'll see.
Let me put my shoes on.
102
00:07:57,417 --> 00:08:00,333
Okay. Mohammed! Zishan!
103
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,708
Fight Zone.
You guys want some help?
104
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:09,291
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, no problem.
105
00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:10,959
Ready?
Yeah.
106
00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:13,542
Oh, here we go.
107
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:17,917
(sighs)
Wow. I really thought
I was much stronger...
108
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:22,583
(laughs) than I actually am.
Watch out, boys.
109
00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:25,458
Ah! There you go.
110
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,625
Thank you.
No problem. Have a good one.
111
00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:30,375
I started defrosting
some lamb. Can you take it
out of the refrigerator,
112
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:33,417
and we can put it in the rice?
Okay.
113
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:48,083
Hey, what's up?
Woman: Come in. He's here.
114
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,083
(muffled voices)
(door opens)
115
00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:19,333
The Guy:
Thank you.
116
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:24,041
Oh, my God.
117
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,291
Hey.
118
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:27,917
Hey.
119
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,125
Hey, um, can I buy some?
120
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:36,000
What do you mean?
121
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,166
You know what I mean.
122
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:39,708
No, I don't know
what you mean.
123
00:09:39,708 --> 00:09:42,708
Um, I mean,
I live right there.
I can smell it.
124
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:44,375
Um...
125
00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:50,375
Did I see you downstairs
with your mom just now?
126
00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:53,000
Yeah, that's my aunt.
Okay.
127
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,750
Um, sorry. No, I can't.
128
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,667
Come on, dude!
What's the deal?
I have money.
129
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:59,792
I don't sell to kids, man.
I'm not a kid.
I'm in college.
130
00:09:59,792 --> 00:10:02,250
Well, get weed
at college then.
I can't.
131
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,375
It's complicated.
I lost my connect.
132
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,917
I get it, but I have
this system where people give me
133
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:09,834
a referral of other people,
and that's how you
get weed from me.
134
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,917
So I'm sorry,
I can't help you today.
135
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:17,166
I can't go bending the rules.
(sighs) Okay.
136
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:19,708
Maybe ask your neighbors?
137
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:40,375
♪ ♪
138
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:13,917
♪ ♪
139
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:49,500
Eesha!
What are you doing?
140
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,125
My mom's home.
She's looking for you.
What time is it?
141
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:53,959
4:30.
Shit!
142
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,375
(Faruq speaking Urdu)
143
00:11:58,375 --> 00:12:02,166
Kunza:
It would have tasted better
if there was lamb in it.
144
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:05,375
Yes, but we also have
a niece who can't follow
simple directions.
145
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:08,792
Khala , I'm sorry. I forgot.
You okay, beta?
You look a little tired.
146
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:11,792
Yeah, I'm okay. I've just
had a long week. I'll be fine.
147
00:12:11,792 --> 00:12:15,959
Maybe you shouldn't
go to Rabia's tonight.
No, seriously. I'm fine.
148
00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:18,458
(hip-hop playing)
♪ Young Falcs make
that beat drop ♪
149
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:20,667
♪ Ooohwee, y'all slackin' ♪
150
00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:23,250
♪ Came to the show
and the scene got crackin' ♪
151
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,208
♪ Young Falcs made
the beat drop ♪
152
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:28,125
♪ And the girls got low
and the buns got clappin'
nonstop ♪
153
00:12:28,125 --> 00:12:30,000
♪ Like, ooohwee,
y'all slackin' ♪
154
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,208
♪ Came to the show
and the scene got
crackin' off top ♪
155
00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:34,834
♪ Falcons made
the beat drop ♪
156
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:38,208
♪ And the girls got low
and the buns got clappin'
nonstop ♪
157
00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:39,792
♪ Ooohwee, y'all ratchet ♪
158
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,750
♪ Came to the show
and the scene got
crackin' off top ♪
159
00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:44,750
♪ 'Cause if
I'm in the spot
not rappin' ♪
160
00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:47,333
♪ I be with the squad
boss mackin', mackin' ♪
161
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,000
♪ I be with the squad
boss mackin', mackin' ♪
162
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,834
♪ I be with the squad
boss mackin' ♪
163
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,125
(sighs)
Oh man.
164
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:31,708
Shit.
165
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,708
(door unlocks)
166
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,917
(speaking Urdu)
167
00:13:57,917 --> 00:13:59,291
Huh?
168
00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:01,083
(woman speaking on phone)
169
00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,917
Your ami is trying
to get in touch with you.
170
00:14:02,917 --> 00:14:05,083
I'm sorry, I left my phone.
171
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:07,125
You left something
on the roof.
172
00:14:09,083 --> 00:14:12,125
(mother speaking on phone)
173
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:46,625
Man:
So the ultrasound
showed no signs of cancer,
174
00:14:46,625 --> 00:14:48,750
but you did test positive
for chlamydia,
175
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,250
so that's likely what's
causing your discomfort.
176
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:54,250
Now, on the plus side,
chlamydia is very treatable.
177
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,458
I'm gonna write
you a prescription
for doxycycline.
178
00:14:56,458 --> 00:15:00,041
You're going to need to refrain
from sex for at least one week
179
00:15:00,041 --> 00:15:04,542
until both you and your partner
are treated, all right?
180
00:15:04,542 --> 00:15:06,166
Yeah.
181
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:20,583
God! Nobody's
answering their phone
or their emails this week.
182
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:24,083
I'm still waiting for a response
from guess who?
Hmm?
183
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:27,959
Miwa.
Ugh, Miwa.
184
00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:30,291
Well, you know,
maybe she took off
for the long weekend
185
00:15:30,291 --> 00:15:33,208
and got into a robbery
at the convenience store.
186
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:37,208
911? This is Miwa.
I'm at the Wawa.
187
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:40,750
(laughs)
How do you know about Wawa?
188
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:42,834
The Wawa? There's
a Wawa near where, uh,
189
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,500
Becky's parents have
their lake house.
190
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,083
Okay. Okay. Yes.
Wawa.
191
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:49,875
I've been working on that
Miwa-Wawa gag for ages.
192
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,708
Didn't think that
would get a laugh.
(chuckles)
193
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:58,083
A bit of niche,
regional humor.
Are you not entertained?
194
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:02,041
I am very
entertained by you.
195
00:16:05,959 --> 00:16:08,083
Oh, if you guys don't
have any plans this weekend,
196
00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:10,166
you should come by Leo's
birthday party Saturday.
197
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:13,375
Oh! That'd be great.
Yeah? Uh, no pressure.
198
00:16:13,375 --> 00:16:16,125
Yeah. Is it a late one?
Should we get us a sitter?
Oh, yeah.
199
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:18,708
Definitely get a sitter.
Uh, well, let me
check in with the boss.
200
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:20,917
See if she's made any plans
that I don't know about.
201
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:24,708
It's a Moroccan theme.
So, if you want, you can dress
in that, you know, style.
202
00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:27,792
Oh, hello! You could
have opened with that.
I'm all over that.
203
00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:29,875
(phone rings)
A-ha, speak of the devil.
204
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:31,166
Hi, honey.
205
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:33,458
Hey, are you with,
uh, Colon right now?
206
00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:35,875
It's Colin.
Leo:
Well, there's only one L.
207
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,083
Okay. Yeah,
you're good at spelling.
208
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,250
Can you ask him if the weed guy
that we all use also has E?
209
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:44,667
Yeah. Oh, hey.
Um, he wants to know,
210
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:47,834
do you if the, uh,
weed guy sells E?
211
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,750
I-- hmm... I think
he's just a weed guy.
212
00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,959
Oh, he thinks
he's just a weed guy.
213
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:55,458
Oh, no, man.
I haven't sold
E since college,
214
00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:58,166
but, uh, I sell mushrooms.
They're fun.
215
00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:00,417
I'm doing them tomorrow
for my birthday actually.
216
00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:02,250
Uh, I don't think we're
really a 'shrooms crowd.
217
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:05,208
Oh, did you hear that?
It's his birthday too.
218
00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:07,667
A couple of Scorpios.
Oh, really?
219
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,959
What year? Whoa.
Uh, '84.
220
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:12,208
(gasps) Holy shit!
You're a baby.
221
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:15,291
Oh, no. I don't think so.
This is really
quite the beard.
222
00:17:15,291 --> 00:17:17,959
Can I grab it?
Uh...
223
00:17:17,959 --> 00:17:20,959
Uh, well, yeah. Go for it.
224
00:17:20,959 --> 00:17:25,000
(gasps) It feels
like pubic hair.
225
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,583
Y-- yeah, I guess it does.
Thanks.
226
00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:30,458
Is that weird?
No, it's not weird.
227
00:17:30,458 --> 00:17:34,375
I was actually thinking,
yeah, that is what my
pubic hair feels like, so...
228
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,959
Was that weird? I just ate
a pot cookie about an hour ago,
229
00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:40,625
so I think it's kicking in,
if I can be honest.
(dryer buzzes)
230
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:44,291
My--
Weed nuts. Thoughts?
231
00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:47,959
Um, you know, I actually
don't do a lot of cooking,
232
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:51,250
but the main rule with edibles
is just don't eat too much.
233
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:54,708
Hey, if you get off
work early tomorrow
and you don't have any plans,
234
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:57,250
you should come by
and celebrate
your birthday with us.
235
00:17:57,250 --> 00:18:00,208
Oh, that's very nice.
Thank you. Yeah, maybe--
236
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:02,291
Yeah. Bring your wife.
237
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:05,667
Oh, yeah. Um, yeah.
238
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,834
Maybe I will. I work till,
like, 11:30 usually, so...
239
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,375
That's okay. We go late.
240
00:18:10,375 --> 00:18:12,333
Okay.
241
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:15,333
Well, then have a good time.
Maybe I'll see you.
242
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,375
Don't eat too many nuts.
Got it.
243
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,625
Happy birthday. Later, guys!
Thanks for the invite.
244
00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:22,667
Same to you.
(grinder whirring)
245
00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:26,959
What the fuck, Gi?
Why did you do that?
246
00:18:26,959 --> 00:18:30,834
What?
He doesn't want to hang
with us on his birthday.
247
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:33,834
Oh, you don't know that.
Well, you have to think
about everybody else.
248
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:35,417
They don't know him.
He-- We don't know him.
249
00:18:35,417 --> 00:18:37,583
Nobody knows Colin and Becky.
They're coming.
250
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,667
What? Why the fuck...
(scoffs, sighs)
251
00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:43,333
...did you invite them
to my birthday?
Oh, God, Leo.
252
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:46,667
Leo, Colin is
actually my friend.
253
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,708
I know that,
and I am cool with that,
254
00:18:49,708 --> 00:18:51,500
but I just think
you should ask me--
255
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,542
What the fuck
is your problem?
256
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:58,542
(sighs, mutters)
257
00:18:58,542 --> 00:19:01,375
Gigi:
Jesus Christ. Then change.
258
00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:04,500
I mean, don't dress up.
Dress up. Wear normal clothes.
259
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,041
Who the fuck cares, Leo?
260
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,625
I'm not going to be
some contrary asshole
in street wear
261
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:11,542
just because it's my birthday.
Street wear?
262
00:19:11,542 --> 00:19:14,041
You think you're not
an asshole when it's
not your birthday?
263
00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:15,875
Nice double negative.
Yeah, nice shitty attitude.
264
00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:19,625
Don't you do this!
This is so fucked right now!
265
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,875
(sighs)
266
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:23,959
Fuck it. I... Goddamn it.
I'm gonna cancel.
267
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:26,375
I'm gonna email everybody,
and I'm gonna tell them
268
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:29,417
it's over, that we're sick.
I wouldn't be wrong, would I?
269
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:32,583
Yeah. Oh, now you want to tell
people we've got the clap?
270
00:19:32,583 --> 00:19:35,250
The clap is gonorrhea.
Get your shit straight.
271
00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,708
Well, I'm glad I spent $150
on this fucking cake then,
272
00:19:37,708 --> 00:19:41,125
in addition to everything else
you see laid before you.
I didn't ask you to do anything.
273
00:19:41,125 --> 00:19:42,708
Would it kill you
to notice my throw pillows?
274
00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:44,166
Excuse me for living
halfway to a hundred.
275
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,250
Oh, okay.
You know what?
276
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,291
(doorbell buzzes)
277
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:49,083
Who... Fifteen minutes
early to a party?
278
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:51,166
Who fucking does this?
I hate this.
279
00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:53,708
Hello?
Colin (on intercom):
Hey! It's Colin and Becky!
280
00:19:53,708 --> 00:19:57,333
Sorry we're a bit early.
Oh, that's okay!
Come on up!
281
00:19:57,333 --> 00:19:58,542
I'm changing into pants!
282
00:19:58,542 --> 00:20:00,166
Man:
No, I'm telling you,
283
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,750
if you had told me
ten years ago
284
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,917
that a one bedroom
shithole in Greenpoint
285
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:07,208
would go for
two million dollars,
I would have, you know,
286
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:09,500
I would have bought a couple
of one bedroom shitholes
287
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,625
in Greenpoint, you know?
You were smart to buy
288
00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:13,959
what you did when you did.
Can we stop talking
about real estate?
289
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:16,166
It is seriously so boring.
I know no one wants
to talk about it,
290
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,291
but he's on the spectrum, right?
Nobody wants to say anything.
291
00:20:18,291 --> 00:20:20,125
Okay, right.
But why don't they
just get him tested?
292
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,458
They're afraid of the results.
293
00:20:21,458 --> 00:20:22,750
I'm just worried
about my daughter.
294
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,291
Wish she'd stop wetting
the fucking bed.
295
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,667
She's in the fifth
fucking grade.
296
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,875
Oh, that's a beautiful tunic.
It's a jalaba.
297
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:29,875
Oh!
I got it
in Morocco last winter.
298
00:20:29,875 --> 00:20:32,500
I'm dying to go to Morocco,
but every time we get a break,
299
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,667
we have to go
visit Colin's family.
It's great.
300
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,125
Mm.
They have amazing textiles.
301
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:38,000
Yeah, I know.
I went nuts buying fabric.
302
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,625
Why don't you get Rachel Comey
to send you over there?
303
00:20:40,625 --> 00:20:44,792
Oh, well, I wish she would,
but I think it's more likely
she's gonna send me to LA.
304
00:20:44,792 --> 00:20:48,041
We're opening a store.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's not fun.
305
00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:51,375
Well, I kind of like LA.
I've lived here my whole life,
306
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,500
so at some point--
No, no, no, no, no, no.
307
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:56,583
You're not taking
my Colin way from me.
We just got financing!
308
00:20:56,583 --> 00:21:00,125
Well, uh... I was
just telling her about LA.
Just a nascent idea.
309
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,333
It's not.
Can I, um, top anyone off?
310
00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:05,291
I'm good.
I love this.
311
00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:07,625
Oh, this? Thank you.
God.
312
00:21:07,625 --> 00:21:09,291
You know where I got this?
Where?
313
00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:11,708
You know where
we were scouting
the other day, off Atlantic?
314
00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:13,250
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I went back there.
315
00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:14,875
You didn't go back.
Mm-hm. It was awesome.
316
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,834
And, uh, then I made
the gross mistake
317
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:18,667
of going downstairs
and having that Yemenite food
318
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:20,625
that you said looked dodgy.
No, you didn't.
319
00:21:20,625 --> 00:21:23,291
I had food poisoning
for what, like, two days?
Two days, yeah.
320
00:21:23,291 --> 00:21:25,708
Fuck! I hoped you
stiffed them on the tip.
321
00:21:25,708 --> 00:21:29,333
(both laugh)
In Boulder,
we go out to the movies,
322
00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:32,083
and then afterwards,
we go out to, like, a pot club.
323
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:37,041
You just fill a pint glass
with weed smoke,
and you do it like a beer. What?
324
00:21:37,041 --> 00:21:40,125
Amazing.
That's un-fucking-believable.
325
00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:41,625
(laughing)
326
00:21:41,625 --> 00:21:44,667
Colin: Totally.
Gigi: Thank God.
At least that.
327
00:21:44,667 --> 00:21:46,875
(laughs) I am gonna
stiff you on that tip.
328
00:21:46,875 --> 00:21:49,875
Do not want
to present that one...
(doorbell buzzes)
329
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:53,542
Who's that, honey?
Gigi: I think that's
the belly dancer.
330
00:21:53,542 --> 00:21:56,792
You got a dancer?
You're too much, Gigi.
331
00:21:56,792 --> 00:22:00,542
You should see the cake!
That photo! Oh, my God,
it's hysterical.
332
00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:02,875
How do you come up
with this stuff?
She's a producer.
333
00:22:02,875 --> 00:22:04,500
That's what she-- Holy shit.
334
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,875
You sure it's not the weed guy
taking us up on your invitation?
335
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:09,542
Wait, you guys invited him?
Oh, I think he's so sexy.
336
00:22:09,542 --> 00:22:11,375
Please tell me I'm not
the only one who thinks that?
337
00:22:11,375 --> 00:22:12,875
He totally looks
like a young John Malkovich.
338
00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:14,875
Like, like, the, the...
"The Killing Fields."
Yes!
339
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:18,250
♪ ♪
340
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:19,792
Yeah!
341
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:33,458
(laughter)
342
00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:39,083
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
343
00:22:39,083 --> 00:22:41,959
Get down.
I missed my calling.
344
00:22:46,583 --> 00:22:51,375
There he is.
Great party, man.
Thanks for having us.
345
00:22:51,375 --> 00:22:56,875
Having a good time?
Yeah, great. Thank you.
346
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,667
Although I am pretty
fucking baked.
347
00:22:58,667 --> 00:23:01,458
I've been eating
these almonds all day long.
348
00:23:01,458 --> 00:23:03,959
Back they go.
349
00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:08,125
Is it sexual?
350
00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:11,291
Sorry, what?
The women's clothes.
351
00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:14,542
Does it get you off sexually?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
352
00:23:14,542 --> 00:23:16,959
No, it's-- it's more
of how I express myself.
353
00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:19,417
I've been like this
since I can remember.
354
00:23:21,208 --> 00:23:22,125
Oh.
355
00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:25,959
♪ ♪
356
00:23:28,625 --> 00:23:31,500
(laughter)
357
00:23:33,583 --> 00:23:36,792
Do you happen
to have chlamydia?
358
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:38,500
Sorry, what?
359
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,166
Oh, I'm not trying
to start shit with you.
360
00:23:40,166 --> 00:23:41,959
It'd just be really helpful
to know if you've had
361
00:23:41,959 --> 00:23:45,291
unprotected sex with Gigi.
What? N-- no!
362
00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:48,708
Did you happen
to have protected sex?
No!
363
00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:50,083
You're sure?
Yes! Sorry.
364
00:23:50,083 --> 00:23:53,875
Um, where is this
coming from?
365
00:23:53,875 --> 00:23:56,333
Never mind.
366
00:23:57,250 --> 00:23:59,834
Cheers.
Cheers.
367
00:24:03,500 --> 00:24:06,458
Hey, can you
take a quick break?
368
00:24:06,458 --> 00:24:07,875
No!
What?
369
00:24:07,875 --> 00:24:09,625
Man: Boo!
Woman: Leo!
370
00:24:09,625 --> 00:24:12,083
Hey. Hold on a second. Guys.
Hold on, everybody.
371
00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:16,208
I just-- I just-- We need
to talk for a quick second.
372
00:24:16,208 --> 00:24:18,041
Um...
373
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,792
So it seems that some us
374
00:24:22,792 --> 00:24:25,208
in this room have been
a little sloppy lately.
375
00:24:25,208 --> 00:24:27,458
Man: Oh, yeah! I'm the one!
(laughter)
376
00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:30,542
(laughs) Sloppy! Sloppy!
Leo: Guys, please.
377
00:24:30,542 --> 00:24:33,542
This is really shitty, um...
378
00:24:33,542 --> 00:24:36,375
(groans)
I'm just gonna say it.
379
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:40,458
Uh, I just tested positive
for chlamydia,
380
00:24:40,458 --> 00:24:43,125
and we are not proud of it.
381
00:24:43,125 --> 00:24:46,500
And it was killing us
to keep it from you guys.
382
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:49,834
Um, okay, uh...
Woman: What?
383
00:24:49,834 --> 00:24:53,208
We've been fucking around with
other people for a while now.
384
00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:56,291
And we just think
you should all get tested,
385
00:24:56,291 --> 00:25:00,041
and, you know,
suffice it to say, we probably
shouldn't play tonight.
386
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:02,750
What?
This is-- This is fucked up!
387
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:04,333
Man:
It doesn't make any sense!
388
00:25:04,333 --> 00:25:05,834
Why wouldn't
you get tested earlier?
389
00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:07,125
It's not like you guys!
390
00:25:07,125 --> 00:25:09,166
I think it was those
two backpackers, you know,
391
00:25:09,166 --> 00:25:11,250
the Brazilian backpackers,
they were, they seemed--
392
00:25:11,250 --> 00:25:12,792
Are you trying to trick me
into a threesome?
393
00:25:12,792 --> 00:25:14,125
No! I would've
mentioned that!
394
00:25:14,125 --> 00:25:15,708
How many backpackers
did you--
395
00:25:15,708 --> 00:25:17,583
Backpackers are dirty.
They're dirty, dirty, dirty.
396
00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:21,166
And you tell everyone
at the party that maybe
they have chlamydia?
397
00:25:21,166 --> 00:25:23,375
Is that like the party gift?
You can't just leave!
398
00:25:23,375 --> 00:25:25,458
Yes, I can!
Put Grandma on the phone.
399
00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:29,333
Honey, why won't you
go to sleep? I'm at work.
400
00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:32,417
Sorry, excuse me.
Do you mind
if I just get my coat?
401
00:25:32,417 --> 00:25:34,000
There's still other
stuff we can do, right?
402
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,750
We can still
do some heavy petting.
403
00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:39,667
We can do juj-- Oh! Look!
Got my new tassels!
404
00:25:39,667 --> 00:25:43,166
Deb, we didn't haul
our asses to Brooklyn
for some dry humping
405
00:25:43,166 --> 00:25:46,125
and some fucking
stale pita chips.
406
00:25:46,125 --> 00:25:47,500
Fuck you guys.
Deb: Mike!
407
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:50,125
Were you just planning
on not telling us?
408
00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,333
Honestly, you know,
I thought if we all
already had it
409
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:57,125
that we could play, you know,
and then we could tomorrow
410
00:25:57,125 --> 00:25:59,667
start taking antibiotics
and get better together.
411
00:25:59,667 --> 00:26:02,792
Wow.
Get better together?
Are you fucking serious, Leo?
412
00:26:02,792 --> 00:26:06,375
Hey, that is so irresponsible.
And that's not how it works,
you idiot.
413
00:26:06,375 --> 00:26:08,458
Oh, come on. Relax.
You know, listen.
414
00:26:08,458 --> 00:26:10,333
There is some logic
to what he's saying. I mean--
415
00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:12,375
What are you talking about?
I wouldn't get carried away,
416
00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:14,125
but there is
some sense to it.
417
00:26:14,125 --> 00:26:17,834
Okay. You know what?
Maybe we're just
the first to realize it.
418
00:26:17,834 --> 00:26:21,291
But how... how do you
all know that we didn't get it
from you guys?
419
00:26:21,291 --> 00:26:23,625
Oh, I can tell you why.
You know why?
No, no.
420
00:26:23,625 --> 00:26:25,708
Because Deb and I,
we follow the rules.
421
00:26:25,708 --> 00:26:27,542
Rule followers.
Rule followers.
Right?
422
00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:30,083
We follow
the fucking rules!
423
00:26:30,083 --> 00:26:32,000
All right, if we're
fucking being honest here.
424
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,417
When... before Steve
and I split up,
425
00:26:34,417 --> 00:26:36,834
and we said we were going
to put his mother
in a home in Madison,
426
00:26:36,834 --> 00:26:39,333
we actually went to Vieques
and we played
with another group.
427
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:41,041
Renee!
Wow.
428
00:26:41,041 --> 00:26:44,542
I knew it! You were too tan!
You were too tan for winter!
429
00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:46,667
I know! I fucking
just had to say it.
430
00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:49,583
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You knew?
I had to tell someone.
431
00:26:49,583 --> 00:26:52,291
I pride myself on being
a very discrete person. Okay?
432
00:26:52,291 --> 00:26:55,041
If... if a friend asks me
to keep a secret,
433
00:26:55,041 --> 00:26:57,417
I have to honor that!
Wait, that is fucked up!
434
00:26:57,417 --> 00:26:59,000
You see this?
How is that fucked up?
435
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,333
Come on!
Look, we were trying
to save our marriage
436
00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:03,458
and, you know,
we used protection,
437
00:27:03,458 --> 00:27:05,500
for the most part,
we were pretty drunk.
438
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,750
I feel like,
you know, I'm feeling
really shitty about it.
439
00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:10,417
It just proves that
no one is perfect.
440
00:27:10,417 --> 00:27:14,208
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
Who the fuck are you all? Huh?
441
00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:16,083
Oh, it's chlamydia.
I don't even know you anymore.
442
00:27:16,083 --> 00:27:20,458
You take a Z-Pak,
you're fine.
I feel-- I feel so betrayed.
443
00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:24,500
It's like a fucking opera.
No! I'm sorry, Deb. It's true.
444
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,667
I bought you a cock ring
for your birthday, motherfucker.
445
00:27:26,667 --> 00:27:31,166
Happy birthday.
Hey, look. Maybe this
is just a wake-up call,
446
00:27:31,166 --> 00:27:34,625
and we just need
to set new boundaries, okay?
447
00:27:34,625 --> 00:27:36,917
Is that why you invited
Victor/Victoria to our party?
448
00:27:36,917 --> 00:27:40,125
Woman: Whoa.
Don't call him that!
449
00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,708
Deb: It's not nice!
He's wearing a dress.
450
00:27:41,708 --> 00:27:43,583
No one's actually
fucking out there.
451
00:27:43,583 --> 00:27:45,083
No, but it sounds
like they're about to.
452
00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:48,417
Colin? Becky?
Can I get your Wi-Fi?
453
00:27:48,417 --> 00:27:50,000
Sorry.
We'll just be one sec.
454
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,583
Woman: I thought
people liked tapping.
455
00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:55,583
Tapping would be great.
Slapping is a little excessive.
It's a little harsh, right?
456
00:27:55,583 --> 00:27:59,125
You know, it's just
a sensitive body part.
I don't do that!
457
00:27:59,125 --> 00:28:00,708
You do do it. You do.
458
00:28:00,708 --> 00:28:02,834
(knock on door)
There's our tight-ass
fucking neighbor
459
00:28:02,834 --> 00:28:04,417
right on fucking schedule.
460
00:28:04,417 --> 00:28:06,875
Guys, please keep
your voices down.
461
00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:12,250
I thought we were
going to a fucking party,
not an asshat convention.
462
00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:14,500
I need to talk
to your husband!
It's not a good time.
463
00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:16,458
We're entertaining right now.
No, no!
464
00:28:16,458 --> 00:28:19,041
Listen!
The music is not even on!
465
00:28:19,041 --> 00:28:22,000
Not about the music!
You people bring drugs
into the building!
466
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,166
What? What are
you talking about?
I show you now.
467
00:28:26,166 --> 00:28:28,250
Here. This. This.
468
00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:30,792
Sorry, thanks
for the great party.
469
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:33,667
Sitter emergency.
Sorry. Hi.
470
00:28:35,333 --> 00:28:37,166
(stammers)
471
00:28:37,166 --> 00:28:40,792
(laughs) This is pot!
This isn't drugs.
472
00:28:40,792 --> 00:28:41,792
Huh?
473
00:28:46,792 --> 00:28:51,458
♪ ♪
474
00:28:54,583 --> 00:28:58,708
♪ Who has it and who has not? ♪
475
00:28:58,708 --> 00:29:02,834
♪ If anyone of you have got ♪
476
00:29:02,834 --> 00:29:06,959
♪ When the blinds
are rolled up ♪
477
00:29:06,959 --> 00:29:12,000
♪ The sky is bright and clear ♪
478
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,041
♪ Lightning flashes ♪
479
00:29:16,166 --> 00:29:18,542
♪ Moment passes ♪
480
00:29:20,583 --> 00:29:23,041
♪ Sparks sparkle ♪
481
00:29:24,834 --> 00:29:28,583
♪ You've lost it all ♪
482
00:29:28,583 --> 00:29:31,917
♪ Hey, hush down ♪
483
00:29:31,917 --> 00:29:34,417
♪ Don't say it loud ♪
484
00:29:34,417 --> 00:29:37,041
♪ Like I wanna say to you ♪
485
00:29:37,041 --> 00:29:40,000
♪ Hey, hush down ♪
486
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,834
♪ Don't say it loud ♪
487
00:29:42,834 --> 00:29:45,041
♪ Like I wanna say to you ♪
488
00:29:45,041 --> 00:29:48,375
♪ Hey, hush down ♪
489
00:29:48,375 --> 00:29:50,667
♪ Don't say it loud ♪
490
00:29:50,667 --> 00:29:53,208
♪ Like I wanna say to you ♪
491
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:56,625
♪ Hey, hush down ♪
492
00:29:56,625 --> 00:29:59,208
♪ Don't say it loud ♪
493
00:29:59,208 --> 00:30:02,083
♪ But I wanna say to you ♪
39807
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