All language subtitles for [uV1_0pHA4nE].en

Let's start with the big news. The New

Let's start with the big news. The New
York Knicks, BABY.

MAN, I haven't been proud of this city

MAN, I haven't been proud of this city
since that one time at the start of CO

since that one time at the start of CO

since that one time at the start of CO
when they decided to clean the subway

when they decided to clean the subway

when they decided to clean the subway
for the first time ever.

for the first time ever.

for the first time ever.
That game was so great. I think we could

That game was so great. I think we could

That game was so great. I think we could
all agree that we should just end the

all agree that we should just end the

all agree that we should just end the
series at one to zero. Stop the count.

series at one to zero. Stop the count.

series at one to zero. Stop the count.
STOP THE COUNT. STOP THE COUNT. There we

STOP THE COUNT. STOP THE COUNT. There we

STOP THE COUNT. STOP THE COUNT. There we
go.

go.

go.
The game was in San Antonio, but you

The game was in San Antonio, but you

The game was in San Antonio, but you
wouldn't have known that if you walked

wouldn't have known that if you walked

wouldn't have known that if you walked
around New York last night, where the

around New York last night, where the

around New York last night, where the
atmosphere went from celebratory to

atmosphere went from celebratory to

atmosphere went from celebratory to
zombie attack.

zombie attack.

zombie attack.
>> Now that they are back in a place they

>> Now that they are back in a place they

>> Now that they are back in a place they
have not been in more than two decades.

have not been in more than two decades.

have not been in more than two decades.
So, moving forward, like we said, is a

So, moving forward, like we said, is a

So, moving forward, like we said, is a
long series, but the ENTHUSIASM HERE,

long series, but the ENTHUSIASM HERE,

long series, but the ENTHUSIASM HERE,
>> IT IS NOT going anywhere. It's not going

>> IT IS NOT going anywhere. It's not going

>> IT IS NOT going anywhere. It's not going
anywhere. See, you can't go far. This is

anywhere. See, you can't go far. This is

anywhere. See, you can't go far. This is
New York. BACK TO YOU GUYS. OH, GRAB MY

New York. BACK TO YOU GUYS. OH, GRAB MY

New York. BACK TO YOU GUYS. OH, GRAB MY
HAND. GRAB MY HAND.

HAND. GRAB MY HAND.

HAND. GRAB MY HAND.
UNFORTUNATELY, that reporter was torn

UNFORTUNATELY, that reporter was torn

UNFORTUNATELY, that reporter was torn
apart, but his body will be used as

apart, but his body will be used as

apart, but his body will be used as
spare parts for Jaylen Brunson's knees,

spare parts for Jaylen Brunson's knees,

spare parts for Jaylen Brunson's knees,
which is an incredible honor here in New

which is an incredible honor here in New

which is an incredible honor here in New
York. So, all right, let's move on

York. So, all right, let's move on

York. So, all right, let's move on
because we're exactly one month away

because we're exactly one month away

because we're exactly one month away
from July 4th. So, President Trump is

from July 4th. So, President Trump is

from July 4th. So, President Trump is
scrambling to clean up Washington DC

scrambling to clean up Washington DC

scrambling to clean up Washington DC
before company comes over. He's building

before company comes over. He's building

before company comes over. He's building
an arch. He's covering statues in gold.

an arch. He's covering statues in gold.

an arch. He's covering statues in gold.
He's adding a s'mores station to

He's adding a s'mores station to

He's adding a s'mores station to
Kennedy's eternal flame.

Kennedy's eternal flame.

Kennedy's eternal flame.
But his biggest project has been

But his biggest project has been

But his biggest project has been
renovating the reflecting pool by the

renovating the reflecting pool by the

renovating the reflecting pool by the
Lincoln Memorial. Because as you know,

Lincoln Memorial. Because as you know,

Lincoln Memorial. Because as you know,
one of the powers granted to the

one of the powers granted to the

one of the powers granted to the
president in the Constitution is Pool

president in the Constitution is Pool

president in the Constitution is Pool
Boy. Now,

Boy. Now,

Boy. Now,
those renovations took longer than we

those renovations took longer than we

those renovations took longer than we
were told they would. But to the people

were told they would. But to the people

were told they would. But to the people
who were complaining, Trump reminded

who were complaining, Trump reminded

who were complaining, Trump reminded
them that the pool is very big.

them that the pool is very big.

them that the pool is very big.
Although, let's hear it from him.

Although, let's hear it from him.

Although, let's hear it from him.
>> It's 200 2,500 ft long by almost 200

>> It's 200 2,500 ft long by almost 200

>> It's 200 2,500 ft long by almost 200
feet wide. The tallest building in the

feet wide. The tallest building in the

feet wide. The tallest building in the
world would not reach the end of it.

world would not reach the end of it.

world would not reach the end of it.
>> Gotcha. Okay. So, the reflecting pool is

>> Gotcha. Okay. So, the reflecting pool is

>> Gotcha. Okay. So, the reflecting pool is
very long. Kind of a weird way to

very long. Kind of a weird way to

very long. Kind of a weird way to
measure it, but loud and clear. You

measure it, but loud and clear. You

measure it, but loud and clear. You
don't need to bring it up again.

don't need to bring it up again.

don't need to bring it up again.
>> That's like taller than any skyscraper.

>> That's like taller than any skyscraper.

>> That's like taller than any skyscraper.
2,000 ft. That's longer than the tallest

2,000 ft. That's longer than the tallest

2,000 ft. That's longer than the tallest
building in the world. If you lay it

building in the world. If you lay it

building in the world. If you lay it
sideways, it's two Empire State

sideways, it's two Empire State

sideways, it's two Empire State
buildings more than that. I just had

buildings more than that. I just had

buildings more than that. I just had
this done. I'm getting a first glimpse.

this done. I'm getting a first glimpse.

this done. I'm getting a first glimpse.
But that's your size compared. So those

But that's your size compared. So those

But that's your size compared. So those
are compared to

are compared to

are compared to
those are among the tallest buildings in

those are among the tallest buildings in

those are among the tallest buildings in
the world. What the is happening right

the world. What the is happening right

the world. What the is happening right
now?

now?

now?
Why did you make that chart?

Why did you make that chart?

Why did you make that chart?
Our pool is bigger than skyscrapers.

Our pool is bigger than skyscrapers.

Our pool is bigger than skyscrapers.
Those are two totally different things.

Those are two totally different things.

Those are two totally different things.
I'd say you're comparing apples and

I'd say you're comparing apples and

I'd say you're comparing apples and
oranges, but at least those are fruits.

oranges, but at least those are fruits.

oranges, but at least those are fruits.
This would be like putting up a chart

This would be like putting up a chart

This would be like putting up a chart
that says this sandwich is louder than

that says this sandwich is louder than

that says this sandwich is louder than
haircuts. What the are we talking about,

by the way? And I would like to say as a

by the way? And I would like to say as a
man and as a feminist, I am so tired of

man and as a feminist, I am so tired of

man and as a feminist, I am so tired of
turning everything into a dick measuring

turning everything into a dick measuring

turning everything into a dick measuring
contest. Why can't we have a vagina

contest. Why can't we have a vagina

contest. Why can't we have a vagina
measuring contest for once? Yeah. Thank

measuring contest for once? Yeah. Thank

measuring contest for once? Yeah. Thank
you.

How come no one ever says the reflecting

How come no one ever says the reflecting
pool is 18 in deep, but the Grand Canyon

pool is 18 in deep, but the Grand Canyon

pool is 18 in deep, but the Grand Canyon
is more than a mile deep?

is more than a mile deep?

is more than a mile deep?
And it's self-lubricating.

But Donald Trump isn't the only one

But Donald Trump isn't the only one
preparing for America's 250th birthday.

preparing for America's 250th birthday.

preparing for America's 250th birthday.
His Treasury Secretary also has a

His Treasury Secretary also has a

His Treasury Secretary also has a
special surprise for us. And no, it's

special surprise for us. And no, it's

special surprise for us. And no, it's
not affordable groceries. It's something

not affordable groceries. It's something

not affordable groceries. It's something
that we didn't even ask for. The

that we didn't even ask for. The

that we didn't even ask for. The
administration hoping to mark the big

administration hoping to mark the big

administration hoping to mark the big
day with a new $250 bill complete with a

day with a new $250 bill complete with a

day with a new $250 bill complete with a
portrait of President Trump. Treasury

portrait of President Trump. Treasury

portrait of President Trump. Treasury
Secretary Scott Besset says his

Secretary Scott Besset says his

Secretary Scott Besset says his
department is ready to print THE BILL.

department is ready to print THE BILL.

department is ready to print THE BILL.
>> WOW, WHAT a what a great picture of both

>> WOW, WHAT a what a great picture of both

>> WOW, WHAT a what a great picture of both
Trump and Besson.

Between the two of them, they have zero

Between the two of them, they have zero
normal smiles.

normal smiles.

normal smiles.
Forget Donald Trump's face. I don't want

Forget Donald Trump's face. I don't want

Forget Donald Trump's face. I don't want
to carry around a $250 bill. Imagine a

to carry around a $250 bill. Imagine a

to carry around a $250 bill. Imagine a
homeless guy asked me for money. I have

homeless guy asked me for money. I have

homeless guy asked me for money. I have
to give him that bill and then ask for

to give him that bill and then ask for

to give him that bill and then ask for
$249.50

$249.50

$249.50
back.

But isn't having your face on money kind

But isn't having your face on money kind
of something you have to earn as a

of something you have to earn as a

of something you have to earn as a
president? Why is Donald Trump getting

president? Why is Donald Trump getting

president? Why is Donald Trump getting
his own bill?

his own bill?

his own bill?
>> I don't think that the there's anything

>> I don't think that the there's anything

>> I don't think that the there's anything
unfortunate about having the president

unfortunate about having the president

unfortunate about having the president
of the United States that the person who

of the United States that the person who

of the United States that the person who
was president of the United States on

was president of the United States on

was president of the United States on
the 250th anniversary built.

the 250th anniversary built.

the 250th anniversary built.
>> Ah, yes. I see. It's not that he's a

>> Ah, yes. I see. It's not that he's a

>> Ah, yes. I see. It's not that he's a
good president. He just happens to be

good president. He just happens to be

good president. He just happens to be
the president during the 250th

the president during the 250th

the president during the 250th
anniversary. It's like how George W.

anniversary. It's like how George W.

anniversary. It's like how George W.
Bush is on the $911 bill.

Now, those bills are awkward. When you

Now, those bills are awkward. When you
give them to a homeless guy, you got to

give them to a homeless guy, you got to

give them to a homeless guy, you got to
ask for $861

ask for $861

ask for $861
back.

Switching gears. It's been a year since

Switching gears. It's been a year since
Donald Trump freed the January 6 riers

Donald Trump freed the January 6 riers

Donald Trump freed the January 6 riers
from prison. Hey, but give these guys

from prison. Hey, but give these guys

from prison. Hey, but give these guys
some credit. A lot of these guys have

some credit. A lot of these guys have

some credit. A lot of these guys have
been working really hard to get

been working really hard to get

been working really hard to get
themselves back behind bars.

themselves back behind bars.

themselves back behind bars.
>> According to a new study, at least 97

>> According to a new study, at least 97

>> According to a new study, at least 97
January 6th writers, or one in 16, have

January 6th writers, or one in 16, have

January 6th writers, or one in 16, have
been arrested for or charged with new

been arrested for or charged with new

been arrested for or charged with new
crimes since being pardoned by Donald

crimes since being pardoned by Donald

crimes since being pardoned by Donald
Trump.

Trump.

Trump.
>> USA, USA. USA.

>> USA, USA. USA.

>> USA, USA. USA.
>> I know it doesn't.

>> I know it doesn't.

>> I know it doesn't.
All of you people put those January 6

All of you people put those January 6

All of you people put those January 6
guys in a box, didn't you? And they

guys in a box, didn't you? And they

guys in a box, didn't you? And they
aren't just January 6ers. They can

aren't just January 6ers. They can

aren't just January 6ers. They can
commit crimes any day, any month of the

commit crimes any day, any month of the

commit crimes any day, any month of the
year. I mean, come on. Is there anybody

year. I mean, come on. Is there anybody

year. I mean, come on. Is there anybody
who is at January 6 who's actually sorry

who is at January 6 who's actually sorry

who is at January 6 who's actually sorry
for what they did?

for what they did?

for what they did?
>> Elias Irizari was 19 years old at the

>> Elias Irizari was 19 years old at the

>> Elias Irizari was 19 years old at the
time of this riot, joining the mob that

time of this riot, joining the mob that

time of this riot, joining the mob that
breached the police lines and entered

breached the police lines and entered

breached the police lines and entered
the capital. He later expressed remorse

the capital. He later expressed remorse

the capital. He later expressed remorse
for his actions, saying he'd quote,

for his actions, saying he'd quote,

for his actions, saying he'd quote,
brought great shame upon myself, my

brought great shame upon myself, my

brought great shame upon myself, my
family, and unfortunately my country.

family, and unfortunately my country.

family, and unfortunately my country.
>> Damn, he was 19. This dude did an

>> Damn, he was 19. This dude did an

>> Damn, he was 19. This dude did an
insurrection the first time he voted.

insurrection the first time he voted.

insurrection the first time he voted.
You were disillusioned with democracy

You were disillusioned with democracy

You were disillusioned with democracy
the moment you entered it. Well, voting

the moment you entered it. Well, voting

the moment you entered it. Well, voting
didn't work. Guess I got to beat someone

didn't work. Guess I got to beat someone

didn't work. Guess I got to beat someone
with a flag pole.

with a flag pole.

with a flag pole.
But I'm glad he apologized. Although, of

But I'm glad he apologized. Although, of

But I'm glad he apologized. Although, of
course, that's just a first step.

course, that's just a first step.

course, that's just a first step.
Obviously, it's going to be a long time

Obviously, it's going to be a long time

Obviously, it's going to be a long time
before anyone trusts him with anything

before anyone trusts him with anything

before anyone trusts him with anything
important.

important.

important.
>> Was recently hired to work in a Pentagon

>> Was recently hired to work in a Pentagon

>> Was recently hired to work in a Pentagon
office that oversees special operations.

office that oversees special operations.

office that oversees special operations.
Insiders say it's among the most

Insiders say it's among the most

Insiders say it's among the most
sensitive work the military does.

sensitive work the military does.

sensitive work the military does.
>> Ah

>> Ah

>> Ah
That seems pretty important.

That seems pretty important.

That seems pretty important.
This kid basically interned at January

This kid basically interned at January

This kid basically interned at January
6.

6.

6.
Now look, I want to give the guy some

Now look, I want to give the guy some

Now look, I want to give the guy some
grace because we all up when we're 19.

grace because we all up when we're 19.

grace because we all up when we're 19.
We usually don't get paid for those

We usually don't get paid for those

We usually don't get paid for those
fuckups later. I mean, thankfully my

fuckups later. I mean, thankfully my

fuckups later. I mean, thankfully my
neighbors forgave me for putting flaming

neighbors forgave me for putting flaming

neighbors forgave me for putting flaming
bags of dog poop in their mailbox. What

bags of dog poop in their mailbox. What

bags of dog poop in their mailbox. What
they didn't do was appoint me postmaster

they didn't do was appoint me postmaster

they didn't do was appoint me postmaster
general.

general.

general.
But to be fair, the Trump administration

But to be fair, the Trump administration

But to be fair, the Trump administration
isn't just going to hand you a job in

isn't just going to hand you a job in

isn't just going to hand you a job in
the Pentagon without any experience.

the Pentagon without any experience.

the Pentagon without any experience.
They'll also hand you a job running the

They'll also hand you a job running the

They'll also hand you a job running the
intelligence community without any

intelligence community without any

intelligence community without any
experience.

experience.

experience.
>> Federal Housing Finance Chief Bill Py, a

>> Federal Housing Finance Chief Bill Py, a

>> Federal Housing Finance Chief Bill Py, a
close confidant to the president, will

close confidant to the president, will

close confidant to the president, will
now be the highest ranking intelligence

now be the highest ranking intelligence

now be the highest ranking intelligence
official in the government. Despite

official in the government. Despite

official in the government. Despite
having no experience in spycraft or

having no experience in spycraft or

having no experience in spycraft or
national security?

national security?

national security?
>> Zero experience in spycraft? You mean if

>> Zero experience in spycraft? You mean if

>> Zero experience in spycraft? You mean if
he looks through binoculars, there's a

he looks through binoculars, there's a

he looks through binoculars, there's a
50% chance he's going to be like, "Why?

50% chance he's going to be like, "Why?

50% chance he's going to be like, "Why?
Why is he so tiny?

WE NEED SOMEONE WHO'S A SPY, YOU KNOW,

WE NEED SOMEONE WHO'S A SPY, YOU KNOW,
SOMEONE WHO'S FLOWN to Switzerland in a

SOMEONE WHO'S FLOWN to Switzerland in a

SOMEONE WHO'S FLOWN to Switzerland in a
tuxedo and infiltrated a top secret

tuxedo and infiltrated a top secret

tuxedo and infiltrated a top secret
military party and then had sex with a

military party and then had sex with a

military party and then had sex with a
super hot triple agent named something

super hot triple agent named something

super hot triple agent named something
like Mucho Coo. You know, everyone knows

like Mucho Coo. You know, everyone knows

like Mucho Coo. You know, everyone knows
that's spycraft.

that's spycraft.

that's spycraft.
This guy doesn't even This guy doesn't

This guy doesn't even This guy doesn't

This guy doesn't even This guy doesn't
even look like he has experience asking

even look like he has experience asking

even look like he has experience asking
for a haircut.

for a haircut.

for a haircut.
What did he tell his barber? Give me the

What did he tell his barber? Give me the

What did he tell his barber? Give me the
sushi.

This man is totally unprepared and ill

This man is totally unprepared and ill
equipped for this job. How will he ever

equipped for this job. How will he ever

equipped for this job. How will he ever
fit in with the Fox News weekend morning

fit in with the Fox News weekend morning

fit in with the Fox News weekend morning
host who runs the Pentagon? Or the

host who runs the Pentagon? Or the

host who runs the Pentagon? Or the
supplements pitch man who administers

supplements pitch man who administers

supplements pitch man who administers
Medicare, or the fake wrestling CEO who

Medicare, or the fake wrestling CEO who

Medicare, or the fake wrestling CEO who
runs education, or the road rules guy

runs education, or the road rules guy

runs education, or the road rules guy
who makes sure planes don't fall out of

who makes sure planes don't fall out of

who makes sure planes don't fall out of
the sky. Oh, he's gonna fit in

the sky. Oh, he's gonna fit in

the sky. Oh, he's gonna fit in
perfectly. Great.

perfectly. Great.

perfectly. Great.
Why would Trump give a spying job to a

Why would Trump give a spying job to a

Why would Trump give a spying job to a
guy who has no experience spying?

guy who has no experience spying?

guy who has no experience spying?
>> PY used his perch at the Federal Housing

>> PY used his perch at the Federal Housing

>> PY used his perch at the Federal Housing
Finance Agency to send criminal

Finance Agency to send criminal

Finance Agency to send criminal
referrals to the Justice Department,

referrals to the Justice Department,

referrals to the Justice Department,
accusing President Trump's political

accusing President Trump's political

accusing President Trump's political
enemies of mortgage fraud.

enemies of mortgage fraud.

enemies of mortgage fraud.
>> Ah, I see. Because he'll abuse his

>> Ah, I see. Because he'll abuse his

>> Ah, I see. Because he'll abuse his
access to government secrets to

access to government secrets to

access to government secrets to
prosecute Trump's political enemies.

prosecute Trump's political enemies.

prosecute Trump's political enemies.
Now, that's the Donald Trump I know. But

Now, that's the Donald Trump I know. But

Now, that's the Donald Trump I know. But
Donald Trump whose hiring criteria is

Donald Trump whose hiring criteria is

Donald Trump whose hiring criteria is
not whether you're good at the job, but

not whether you're good at the job, but

not whether you're good at the job, but
how good you are at using the job to go

how good you are at using the job to go

how good you are at using the job to go
after his political enemies. But the

after his political enemies. But the

after his political enemies. But the
president needs to understand that he

president needs to understand that he

president needs to understand that he
cannot abuse his power like this. And to

cannot abuse his power like this. And to

cannot abuse his power like this. And to
show it to him in terms he'll understand

show it to him in terms he'll understand

show it to him in terms he'll understand
this corruption is spicier than rivers.

And I think he knows exactly what I'm

And I think he knows exactly what I'm
saying.