All language subtitles for Scary.Movie.2026.Cam.Ads.1080p.English.H.265.NVENC.1080p-[Anon]

Hey girl, want some brown liquor?

Brown liquor don't make this fucking
bad.

Tequila it is.

Here you go.

So what are you doing here anyway?

What do you think I'm doing here?

I'm starting an opening thing.

Been there, done that.

Richie? Yeah, that makes sense, because
you know these

motherfuckers can't read.

I know. Who goes to see a way to spread
this movie?

Well, it's nice to...

No mother fucker!

No cat.

The cat.

Fuck all y 'all.

Bitch, spit them pearls back out.

I want your shit.

Hello? So tell me, what's your favorite
scary movie?

I don't really do them. You know, all
the stupid tropes and shit. Why is it

always the white bitch at the end?
Because they know it's too hard to kill

sister. You know what I'm saying?
Because if the sister can survive

cheese, we can survive anything.

Met you outside, boy. You're this needy.

What's your sign? Must be a Scorpio.

How'd you know?

Good dick, though. The toxic is him.

Hey, is the restaurant here an alley?
Yes, hurry before they rob your ass.

What was it? That, not that.

Cheap bitch.

Heard you all.

Okay, I'm coming down the alley now.

I'm here. Can you see me? I'm waving.

No.

The person I'm looking at's not waving.

In fact, they're just staring at me.
Well, stare at his ass back.

And don't blink. Never blink. You got a
stressful life to live.

What? No, they're walking towards me
now.

Oh my, oh no, they have a knife.

Why don't I leave this ass over here?

I thought it was the worst part.

The worst part is, you know so much
about horror movies, and yet you still

into the alley alone.

Yeah, but the worst part is, you're
fucking with a New York bitch.

He wants some adventure shit.

Seriously,

Len? I didn't recognize your bird cough.

I thought you was a lone warlord.

That's a pigeon, nigga.

It's supposed to be... Not bad.

Are you done?

Bitch, I'm Tiana Taylor. My ass got ass.

Somebody

help me!

No, no, no, no!

No,

keep your hard -headed ass on.

Hey, Tiana, you might have kicked my
ass, but you still didn't win that

What'd you say about my Oscar?

Then I stuttered. You lost.

You're right.

But I won that Golden Globe, bitch.

Oh my god, really?

See, that's why I never watched horror
movies.

It's fucking terrible.

Just a bunch of celebrity cameos and
fart gags.

So, you don't like parodies?

I'm more into Judd Apatow films.

You know.

Elevated comedy.

And what is elevated comedy?

The kind that doesn't actually make
anyone laugh, but makes white people

smart.

Tuesday, don't answer that.

It'd be ghosting.

Oh, come on, Elle.

Stuff like that only happens in the
movie.

Oh, hey.

I wasn't expecting you to answer the
door.

What the fuck?

Now, here's my knife.

Here it is.

Hello, Tuesday.

Just Ritalin for my ADHD.

Adderall for PTSD.

A couple Xanax for my anxiety.

And your voter pills.

So good luck getting it up now.

Jesus, Sarah, how many did you take?

I don't know. How many come in a bottle?

Hey, Jeff.

Sarah, Tuesday's in the hospital. She
was stabbed by a killer. You know,

Ghostface. Wait, from Wu -Tang?

Why would Ghostface Killah, aka Pretty
Tony, aka Starkey love him and stab my

sister? God, Sarah, it wasn't Ghostface
Killah. It was somebody in a Ghostface

mask. Ah, okay, that makes more sense.

I hate the wand!

Ah, Jesus, Jack!

What? I was thinking about wearing this
for Halloween.

I can't make up for the past.

Well, hey, hey, hey.

I'm going with you.

Not because I'm the obvious killer
trying to lure you back here from town.

I'm just a supportive boyfriend.

Yeah. That's all.

Okay, let's go. Get in the car.

Listen, we just have to make one stop on
the way.

I survived.

All thanks to my lucky penny.

I'm a cool mom. Everybody wish they had.

I'm lit.

Don't forget, I got practice later, so
I'll be home late. You only made the

because you're black, and those racist
fucks assumed you could play.

It's 2026. I don't think race is an
issue.

Do you read black Twitter?

No. Oh, Ray, are you still dating that
hoe?

Okay, stop hoe -shaming her. Just
because Daryl and them ran a train on

doesn't make her a hoe.

She's not a hoe.

She's sex positive.

Well, I'm positive she's a hoe.

Hey, girl!

Look at you!

Early for Halloween, huh?

What you do this year? Bloody
schoolgirl!

Happy hoe!

Hi, Miss Me.

Love the hair.

I mean, I'll take your Spencer.

Well, thank you very much. I gotta
invite you over and make you a little

pie. Ooh, you know what? I gotta get to
African American history class. We're

learning about slavery.

Come to find out. It was a choice. You
see that right there?

That's right. They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.

Mm -hmm. Stay black.

Bye, Mom.

All right. Bye, baby. Bye, baby. Bye.
Son, I put some condoms in your bag. You

know how they try to trap y 'all. Come
on.

Okay, seriously?

Sheriff Greg, you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine. Jess, there's a

serial killer on the loose.

I'm not going to let anything happen to
my baby girl.

Boy, okay? I'm a baby boy. I'm sorry.

I'm having a hard time with this
transition.

Okay, it's really simple.

Treat me like one of the guys.

Okay?

I can do that? Yeah.

Slap fight.

Oh, you call that a slap?

Who the hell did you do that for?

I'm such a bitch.

Bitch.

Shit.

Hey, please. This is clearly a woman
who's run out of condition.

Oh, be careful where you walk. The whole
place is a booby trap.

You never know when that psycho's gonna
come back.

Come in.

Okay.

I hate

this job.

Mr. Campbell.

I'm Jack, Sarah's boyfriend.

I've heard so much about you.

None of it good.

I have heard nothing about you, Jack. I
assume you're a piece of shit. But how

would I know when I haven't heard from
my daughter in, what, six months?

Six years, Mother. And whose fault is
that? And whose fault is that? I don't

know. Maybe it's yours.

That's fair.

We want to learn from the horror you
survived.

Look.

Scary Movie 3 and 4 paid me a lot of
money for a girl. There is nothing to

there. But if you want to talk about the
house, buddy, shoot.

It's happening again.

Some asshole in a mask. We have to stop
him.

You're not ready, lovebug.

I had been preparing for this for years.

Sacrificed everything.

You are a terrible mother.

Come on, honey. We had some good times.

Like that... Christmas, I took you to
meet Santa at the mall.

Your turn, Sarah.

Move. Hi, Santa.

Sorry if I don't fit in your lap.

You creep me out.

Santa doesn't exist.

Mother, I need your help.

To heal our emotional wounds and put the
past behind us?

Oh, God, no.

No, to kill ghost faith.

Do you have any guns?

I am Cindy fucking Campbell.

I've got millions of guns, but none of
them are registered due to my mental

health issues.

So if you could just keep that on the
low.

Okay, so I spoke to Sarah earlier.

Oh, is she coming?

You know, I did hear a buzzing sound.

So it's possible. No, I meant to
Woodsville.

Dumbass. Oh, I forgot to ask. Hey,
Jimbo, go deep.

Oh, sweet.

Speaking of going deep.

I don't know if it's a good time.

Everyone knows what happens to teenagers
who try to make love when there's a

killer on the loose.

Brad's right about one thing, guys.
Okay, Ghostface is back.

We need to arm up.

Pepper spray? Check.

Taser. Check.

Butt plug?

Double check.

Goddamn! You just carry that thing
around?

It's easy to hide.

In your butt?

I'm impressed.

I'm tired of you little Gen Z alpha
niggas using terms like onk and auntie,

gaslighting, blazing and glamping,
trying to make my generation sound old.

ain't your damn onk, nigga.

Shorty, you're a mother's brother, so
yeah, technically you are our uncle.

Oh, my bad.

Crazy that they let you teach here.

Teach? Nah, nigga.

I attend.

You looking at a proud 25th year senior.

When are you finally going to graduate?

By the time we do a sequel and I gotta
follow you little young niggas to

to get my check. Wait, guys, Tuesday's
awake.

All right, Tuesday. Who the fuck is
Tuesday?

Hey, we gotta go to the hospital. You
gonna take the bus home?

Nah, the PJ.

Private Jed?

Yeah, jealous.

Man, you smoke weed all day. Just play
video games, live stream.

You literally got money doing nothing.

Exactly. I leave the hard work for the
old head.

Jesus!

Still the same short.

Check my crypto. Oh shit, I'm up three
million dollars.

Damn, now I'm down five million.

This shit crazy, son.

Sister Brenda, it's okay.

You've heard the call of sin. Yes, you
did.

But the Lord has called on us to show
men such like you the way.

Come on, son.

Come with us.

Come on us.

God see you coming. So don't cheat that
coming. We need you to come like you

never came before.

Come for the Father. Come for the Son.

I'm going to hold your hand and we're
going to come together.

Let it go, Ray.

Let it go.

My bad.

Last time.

Let's welcome a new member to our
congregation.

I'm not gay no more.

Thank you.

Who's that Jeffrey Dahmer lookalike?

This is my boyfriend, Jack.

Really nice to meet you.

Look like Ted Bundy to me.

But that ain't none of my business.

This little stabbed up bitch here needs
a rest.

So y 'all, get the fuck out!

Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, not you, Sarah.

Why? What did I do?

I'm so scared.

Oh, twos. You should be.

You've been stabbed nine times.

And the killer knows where you live.

I would invite you to come stay at my
place, but I don't really want that kind

of juju in my house.

For all we know, he's standing right
outside that door.

Comforting, Sarah.

I thought I was going to die.

I know, me too.

I planned your funeral.

What the hell? And I wrote your...
Orbituary.

More like trapping the tea rodent. But
you're still here.

And I will never let anyone hurt you.

this shit, baby. That's my show. Frogs
and that Idris Alba make this Gucci

pop, pop, pop.

Dear Lord, please accept this white
bitch.

You're welcome.

It really looks like you got hit with
something hard.

Like metal. I told you, I fell.

Now where exactly are we going?

Talk to an expert.

I'm Sarah Campbell.

I was attacked last night. I think you
should leave.

I don't want to get stabbed.

And I don't want COVID, okay?

Please, come on. Just two minutes.
That's all I'm asking. No, no.

I'll give you eight minutes.

And another thing.

Oh, I can taste the coke.

Now you guys are good.

When did the work week become the woke
week? We've got Black Friday. What's

next? Mulatto Monday?

I mean, Yellow Thursday?

Come on.

Let me get this out of the way.

All right.

Oh, the test is done.

Yep, you're good.

You're Cindy's daughter, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know him.

Oh, this is Jack.

My love interest.

No, no, no, no.

Rule number one of surviving a horror
movie is never trust the love interest.

Look at him.

He's got that weird lazy eye poking one
way and he's drooling like a psychopath.

He's got that stump leg.

Makes the wall walk weird and creepy. I
don't have a stump leg. I'm done.

Oh, I'm looking at me.

Cheers to oxygen, Doofy.

Retired.

Listen, Doofy, we could really use your
help.

Yeah, I can't go back to that life.

Plus, we're in the middle of a global
pandemic. Okay, I hate to break it to

but COVID has been over for like years.

Really?

Yeah.

Damn it!

What am I going to do with all this damn
meat?

I don't want you to see the tiny.

It don't come back.

Okay, just because he showered doesn't
mean that... Yeah, I didn't shower. I

just take water from my mouth.

You want some? No, that's okay.

Come on, do you see? Yeah, do it. Sarah,
is your DMOS mom coming? Or can we

start talking about this plot?

Uh... Hi.

You came.

Not in like 15 years, honey. But I did
buy this new rose, so fingers crossed.

from the weed, smoke, your love of the
McRib and racist cops?

I didn't think you had a chance.

Yeah, that's the two of them coming.

Hi, Sam.

Stop smiling at me!

Shit! World star!

World star! World star! Hey!

He's intellectually disabled. That's
just how he looks, you drunk honky. Hey,

hey, hey. Don't call that white bitch a
honky. Come on, have some respect.

It must be some...

prepared to kill ghosts, I should have
returned.

What about you?

Well, I've been mostly just getting high
school kids drunk in a desperate

attempt to stay young and keep my kids
at home. I always knew you'd be a great

mom. Oh, Cindy.

Should we hug?

Oh, I really want to, but I'm a
Republican now, so I'm supposed to be

Oh, girl, I think all white people are
racist anyway. Come here.

Okay. Oh.

Do you want me to show you?

Oh, yeah.

You know, Ma, this place could be so
cool if you had, like, a beer pong table

over there, maybe, like, a snack wall.

What you know about cool? When I was
your age, I was popping bottles with

Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, all the
Shons.

That ain't as well. Your mama was the
freak in the freak -offs.

You want to see something cool?

I'm going to show you something cool.

Ted Bundy eyes, looking like a school
shooter. I think you the killer. Oh, me?

Okay, what about Deputy Doofy over
there?

I don't have a motive.

You know, what's my motive?

You were the killer in the first movie.

Shouldn't you be locked up? No, I got
pardoned. Mostly because of the storming

the Capitol, you know. Oh. I got proof.

It's me.

Oh. I'm trained.

That's a cool hit.

What about Jeff?

What about me?

If anybody here has issues that could
lead to murder... Okay, okay.

Transgaming is not cool, okay?

Then he's just a dude. Yeah. Minus the
for body strength and the dick part.

Hey, you don't know what I got down
here, okay?

I do.

Hey, hey. Listen, what we know so far is
everyone who's been attacked is related

to the original characters.

He wants to kill the kids.

A what now? Yep, it's like a reboot and
a sequel mixed with legacy characters

with new characters in an attempt to
feed into bullshit nostalgia and bring

fans to the theater. Just like last
year's I Know What You Did Last Summer.

That's a movie?

What did I do last summer? I think
you're talking about the summer I turned

pretty. Yeah. Ray!

When did you get here?

I walked in here. I was just hanging out
by the minimum.

And our killer is writing his own
version of horror movie.

Okay, so according to the rebooty call
rules, who's the killer?

I think it's pretty obvious.

Who?

You, bitch.

Me? Guys, I am not the killer.

Ghostface attacked Tuesday to lure me
back here. I think he attacked Tuesday

get you back here.

So he could get me back here.

He wants to kill the OGs. That was a
flex.

Yeah, that sounds better.

Fuck this!

And fuck you, mother!

To your mother?

Ancient Underwood?

I'll give you one hint.

What's your favorite scary movie?

Well, I'm going to go with Saltburn.

I mean, the member on that English guy
was terrifying.

And Ken Jeong's junk in The Hangover was
a much better depiction of the male

anatomy. Now, what do you want,
fuckface?

Well, I'm just calling to tell you that
by the time you get home, I'll have

gutted your baby girl.

Hey, asshole.

She's a boy.

for this?

Let me help you.

I got your baby dick.

Winky, winky, winky, winky.

Alright, here we go.

What do you want, fuckface?

Like father, like son.

I can't get home alone.

Dad's out, but the pool guy, the
gardener, and the plumber are all here,

asshole. Look out your window.

No, but they're the backbone of the
American workforce.

I'm not too white to do those jobs.

But cut to the chase.

I'll ask you one question.

If you answer correctly, you live.

Who was the killer in Horror Movie?

Oh, that's easy. It was Bobby and then K
-Ray, the guy who was totally into

dudes, even though he claimed he wasn't.
Classic 2000s homophobia.

But I got you, bitch. Wrong. You forgot
Special Officer Doofy. Now you die.

Oh, fuck that!

You should probably answer that.

I can... I can literally see you trying
to steal my package.

Ow, shit!

That was easy.

Uh, someone over stakes.

Let's go, Puff.

Wait, in fact... Careful!

You wouldn't want to let any killer...
You are about to identify as dead!

A girl.

Come on, girl!

It's that ghost face show for you! Try
the Ghost Face Camera Collection Bundle.

This is Kiki West for OnlyFans Rapid
News. Rapid News? You mean Thapit News!

You don't even have a cameraman!

My equipment!

Excuse me.

Oh my, you're... Yes, yes.

three -time Emmy nominee for Outstanding
Achievement in Sensational Reporting.

I was gonna say the lady from Friends,
but shorter, with less Botox. Is that

what you were gonna say?

Yeah. You seriously don't know who I am?
Baby girl, I am... Gale Flowers!

Gale Storm.

Gale... Get the hell out of my way!

Doofus?

You haven't aged a day.

You've aged like a million days. Yeah,

your fingers felt like genitals.

What are you doing in that ridiculous
uniform?

Oh, I'm back on the case.

Yeah, I'll get it back to Ghostface.

Well, um, tell me, Special Needs Officer
Doofy, um, are there any suspects

in this tragic and completely
predictable incident?

I could not let you say.

No, no, no, no.

Yes, you can. I did not. Yeah.

So mean.

Hey, remember when you used to give
blowjobs for sensitive information?

I don't give blowjobs anymore, okay? Not
since Me Too.

Okay, sorry.

I give handjobs now, but the story
better be good. Okay, I'll do a handjob.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.

Fuck yeah, shit.

Hello,

shorty. You didn't know that smoking is
bad for you?

Actually, weed ain't bad for you. You
got vitamin T, C, and H, C, B, and D.

What's the matter, Shorty?

You look a little antsy.

Maybe because there's a masked serial
killer sipping tea in my den.

Shorty, you're my nigga.

I mean, friend.

All right.

Do you want to quit smoking?

Well, to be honest, I tried to quit. But
my mother said I ain't raising no

quitters.

So I quit quitting.

We can try hypnosis.

Bro, I don't care how many poppy watches
you try and wave in front of my face.

It ain't gonna work, son.

You can't magnetize me.

Sleep.

Shorty.

What's up?

Tell me about your mother.

Damn, nigga.

Let's start with something light. Like,
do you lick ass? Yes or no?

The answer's yes.

So what happened to her, Shorty?

She was coming home.

Her car was parked on the side of the
road.

Someone was in it.

And something bad was happening.

Why didn't you call anyone?

I couldn't.

I had warrants.

You were 11.

I started young, nigga.

Oh, what do you see?

I see a big explosion of water.

It was like a silver light, though.

Police said it was a murder -suicide.

She killed that man.

When they opened the car door, everybody
just slid out.

Like the green nigga in Shape of Water.

I just didn't want it to be real.

What don't you want to be real?

That my mother was a squirter.

Okay. She was a squirter. All the floors
in her bedroom was warped. I can't

move. You're paralyzed.

Now, sink.

Into the chair.

No, wait. Think.

This has been Elon Musk.

probably right. She's tough, but let's
see her get stabbed in the cut.

I'm gonna die.

Bobby, you're already dead.

This hallucination is a manifestation of
my own guilt for being an awful mom.

Or it could be the shrooms I just
popped.

You're gonna die.

Bitch, you ain't killing me.

You're gonna die.

Everyone smiles in here.

What?

Oh, um, could you point me in the
direction of the ICU?

Is it that way or that way?

Uh, visiting hours are over.

Oh, yes, of course.

Is that shellac? See, people think it's
shellac, but it's actually chocolate.

Boy, your hair look like fondue.

to you all next week.

saying like that? Then why are you
wearing gloves?

Would you believe I am thinking about
dressing up as OJ Simpson for Halloween?

But those fit.

Look out!

Whoa! Y 'all cool, bro? You almost can't
see!

I mean, no!

Oh, yes!

Yes! Oh!

Oh!

Got you like a pig!

That is so

true!

crying over here.

Excuse me, I'm a rascal. Step aside.

This will be a picnic.

You piece of... Oh, you son of a bitch.

I'll take your money.

I'll take your money.

I don't have the pain. The agony.

Sarah, if I don't make it. Seriously,
Tish. Stop trying to win an Oscar. It's

horror movie. It'll never happen.

Ask Demi Moore.

No. No.

No. No.

What the fuck?

I can see it on myself.

Smell my finger.

Fuck your ass.

That's my ass.

Any last words?

I don't.

another Halloween -a -thog, and that's
another day of me getting paid mad money

for doing absolutely nothing. Why, you
stupid motherfuckers watch out!

I didn't call me dumb!

I want to give a smooth shout -out to my
sponsor, Angry Orchard Hard Silence.

They got mad...

a legend in the streaming game. Give it
up for Kyle Simmons!

Let's get serious. What brings you to
the chat?

I was going to be in a movie.

I've been calling you. You ghosted me.

Bro, I thought that was one of my crazy
ass baby mamas. That's my bad. Speaking

of ghosting, somebody wants to talk to
you.

Hello?

Go smack them.

2001.

is there anything you're not telling me
that your wife hates you you believe the

earth is flat and you voted for trump
three times what's the vote for the

huh i believe shorthand is the notorious
ghostface

And you know that because you're
psychic?

No. I don't know.

That guy's black.

Kind of. Not that black.

Like gravy brown.

Hit him with your strong hand.

Arrest him anyway.

Well, I did something, right?

Turn up your body gas.

This hail soon. Welcome back.

I'm begging you. You gotta help me look
younger. These little bitches are

killing me out there. They're wearing
nothing but a sausage casing and a ring

light. Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age -ravaged body, and I will

you whole.

Well, you know, there's white lady
special coming right up.

Thanks. I'm gonna play a quick video on
the ins and outs of the procedure, and

then we'll get started.

Do you wish you weren't so bold and
saggy?

You wish you were younger.

Thanks, dear.

Fuckable again.

One single injection unlocks your DNA,
creating a new, better you.

This is the stuff.

Doc, this isn't that Gwyneth Paltrow
crap that makes you smell like a vag, is

it?

You were thinking it.

White tip to my ass.

I feel very fucking new.

I feel very fucking new.

Hey, Sarah.

Tuesday, I tried to visit you. I am
sorry for everything, especially

your name.

It was Taco Tuesday. I was super drunk.

But I promise you, I will kill this
motherfucker.

It's fine, really. We're cool. I'm going
to take you to the car.

I'm taking twos away from all of this.

I tried to run two, but it follows.

Now you're probably expecting a
flashback to that movie, but it's too

Yeah, and you're probably weird. You
have sex.

Candyman.

Candyman. Are you sure about this? Yeah.

Keep saying it.

Candyman.

that candy, man?

I got weed gummies, K -nuts, fruit
chocs.

And what takes you so long to show up?
Come on, Clarence. I called you five

times, nigga. Show up in three. You
ain't even call me on the phone.

Lucky I was walking by and heard y 'all
through the hole in this wall.

Fix that shit. You shut your ass up. You
need to go to a proctologist and get

your skin looked at. Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.

I look better than this, nigga. Maybe on
this side. Hey, ain't no time for

beating. We about to be high as fuck. We
gonna party, son.

Happy Halloween,

y 'all.

Watch out for Ghostface.

That's right.

Hey,

I love it. Come in there.

You look so good.

You seen your sister?

Ray,

you seen Gay?

I can't find her since she went to that
protest.

No.

Jake Gyllenhaal from Brokeback Mountain.

I wish I knew how to quit you, but I
can't.

You love that movie.

Hey, Brenda.

Huh? Have you seen my big old bag of
candy? It had chocolates, gummies,

lollipops. It's going missing. No, no,
no. It's not missing. I passed it out to

the sugar treaters.

Brenda, that's my stash.

Hey, do

you

know

how many baby seals die from
microplastics?

My god, he stabbed her. Not her.

My pronouns are they them.

He stabbed them.

I'm over 40. How am I supposed to keep
up with all of this?

She's not wrong.

It's Karens like you that keep the
patriarchy going with their knees on our

necks. Now you're playing the race card?

I have enough of her shit. Bad shit,
bitch.

Good, nor the info.

They don't realize we're here to help
them.

Toxic masculinity and man -sweating
doesn't help anybody.

How is my masculinity toxic?

I love women and sports.

Just not together.

Come here, bitch.

I could be next. Hey, Freddy, come here.
I could be next.

Uncle Shorty? What's up, nephew?

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, sure.

It's about, you know, how to go down on
a girl.

You talking about eating pussy?

Yes. I'm so cringed, but yeah.

So maybe if you stop talking like a 14
-year -old white girl, you can learn

something. All right, so listen up.

First thing you gotta do, you gotta
spread the legs, you gotta open it up.

one of those things.

Sometimes you can use two.

Two fingers like that there.

Now once you get it all in there, now
you gotta use your tongue.

You can't be afraid of it.

Lean into it.

No, no, no. You're doing it too fast.

Listen.

You gotta be gentle. You gotta talk to
it.

Boom.

It's like rolling in the blood.

All you gotta do, nephew.

Suit that shit.

Got it? Mm -hmm. And, uh, if you want to
learn to lick ass, that's your mama.

Oh, you feel so good.

Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Elle, I want to try something.

I thought you said you'd never let me
pick you.

What? No.

Relax.

I just want to taste you.

Okay.

Dinnertime. Oh yeah. Come here, baby.

Careful,

Mikey's a gangster.

Oh, it is gangster.

Okay. Taught you so hard you want some
more. Yeah.

You feel so much better when you're
feral than them.

Get back in there. Yeah, lick it.

I will finish her.

Oh my god!

Just like rolling a blunt.

Now all I gotta do is hit it.

Oh! Ow!

What the fuck? Hey there.

We heard tell of a Halloween party.

You did now, didn't you? We're here to
drink and play bad music.

Do some half -gay shit.

Why just half -gay?

Can I help you?

If you'd just invite us in.

Why do you need an invitation?

White folks show up to parties uninvited
all the time with them little nasty

-ass casseroles.

Bland as shit. Y 'all better stop using
some loudness.

And why she got them dirty -ass feet?
Looked like you was walking around porn

sets all day. Got them trailer pop toes.

I think you're in the wrong place.

Y 'all playing?

No. We believe in music.

Inequality? How about we show y 'all?
It's okay, no.

Well, we're moving on up to the east
side to a

deluxe apartment in the sky.

We're moving on up. They gentrified the
Jefferson.

Wheezy's rolling around in her grave
right now. You can't do this to the

national anthem.

in one of those frat parties where they
drink until they black out and wake up

with their booties hurting, not knowing
what someone in a cowboy hat did to

them. Yeah, what?

Okay, well, we will leave you guys
alone, but we're going to walk real slow

in case y 'all change your minds.

Change your minds yet? No. Hell no.

How about now?

No. No.

Yes? Hell no.

Come on! Life, folks, is getting weird.

Guys,

I think I saw an open window over here.

That window's closed.

Not for long.

that I thought Nailor was the worst plot
device in every history.

That's true. Should have been in vain.
But we're here now, so let's make the

most of it. And wear the white clothes!

Sarah?

Hello. Get your sister and get out of
there right now.

Okay, hon? I am a grown -ass woman.

Mother, I don't have to do anything
you're telling me to do. That's the

where your sick father killed those
people.

Someone wanted to get him there.

Which means someone wants to get me
there.

Oh, my God. This isn't about you.

Why are you doing this? Because you are
so fucking far away.

Wait, hold on. Are you tracking my
phone?

You're breaking up. Yeah.

I didn't see that movie, okay?

I just found this thing in the shed.

Jeez.

Come on, bro.

That's even worse.

I didn't mean it that way.

Some of my best victims are black.

And another brother falls victim to gun
violence.

Turns out race is still an issue.

That's not fair.

You know, black eyes usually die first
in horror movies.

Damn! Just give a whole new meaning to
Dead by Daylight.

Yeah.

Goofy ass right here.

Hello,

shorty.

Get him, nigga!

Got you, goofy ass!

You were about to be hired.

Oh, why are you running backwards, son?
Oh, no, it's not me.

Something's wrong. Man, your remote is
upside down.

Game on, bitches.

Outside, getting some fresh air. Stop!

Lily, you are the killer.

Why do you have blood on your hands?

I found that out.

She's the killer!

I am not the killer. I'm positive.

I'm a virgin.

No way.

Act three, bitches.

What?

What does that even mean?

It's when the shit goes.

Do you have one bigger in black?

Oh, right. Thanks.

Who are you, John Wick?

I would have said ballerina, but nobody
saw that shit.

Let's do this.

Okay.

What do you think?

That's definitely a trap. She don't know
we already been here, done that.

Really?

Well, I'm changing rules. How about
that?

New rule.

Go fuck yourself.

Wait, wait.

Why do you hate closets so much?

I told you to come out.

Yeah, well, I didn't want to get shot.

Ironic, isn't it?

It was about losing his wife! George,
not now, of course!

You killed your sister Wednesday,
Tuesday.

Have to clarify that for legal reasons.

But I prepared you for this.

So go on, baby.

You kill him.

listen to Doofy.

The love interest.

It just seems too obvious, you know,
which makes you think it is not obvious.

Yeah,

well, that's the twist.

Now get in the kitchen. Go.

Okay, listen up.

See, there hasn't been a great horror
movie since the first one.

We're going to save the franchise.

Go get our special guest star.

Why else would there be a Scary Movie 6?

It wouldn't work with just the new
characters, would it? We need the legacy

characters. Oh, and there wouldn't be a
Cindy without her sassy black sidekick

Brenda. You ain't have to say black with
no heart. Be like that.

franchise.

And Kevin said no. Kevin Hart said no?
That little motherfucker says yes to

everything. Yeah, he does.

But wait.

There's more.

Shut up, bitches!

Ray! Shorty! Yeah, that's right.

For Black Killers. We're making history.

It's a new definition of Black
excellence.

But why would you do this?

The question is...

Why would you try to make a sequel
without us, huh? Yeah. When the studio

to replace these brothers, I was there.

That's that.

What about me?

What about you? You were in one scene in
part four.

Yes, but I made that motherfucker Dr.
Phil cut his foot off. And he crazy now.

Yeah, he got weird.

But you see what they trying to do? They
trying to pit us all up against each

other. They trying to start black on
very black crime. That's right.

Yo, Shaq.

I'm proud of you, bro. You've had an
amazing career as a sports commentator

since retiring from basketball.

And I love the big podcast.

I love that shit.

Even though I don't understand a word
you be saying, you be on that show until

I... Kobe.

Enough.

But my point is, nigga, I love your
shit.

But I never got over Kazam.

I'm doing it for the culture. What
culture?

Culture club.

Come on, Ray. We're killing people. Stay
focused.

All right, all right. We back.

Hey, don't you worry. We family.

Mad respect.

Hey, Black is nominated for eight Emmys.
My nigga.

Actually, the show was only nominated
for five.

I was nominated for eight.

But you never would.

What?

What about you?

Well, I had a chance to work with the
incomparable Charlie Sheen.

That's good.

He's a legend, and his dick game is
crazy.

You know, he slept with 47 ,000 women,
and 1 ,000 of them women were dudes.

Lucky guy.

Wait, so y 'all going to kill us now?

Nah.

What would Halloween be without Jamie
Lee Curtis?

Or Scream B without Neve Kim.

That would be Scream 6.

How did you guys pull all of this off?

Sandy, you know how many Wayne's is
there off?

Make a billion.

Billions. I'm just so happy that the old
gang is back together.

Okay, in the middle, on three.

Corn 4.

No, no.

That's corn. That's white.

What about the young?

Or the old and then the beautiful. Or
the cute and the crusty. Yeah, or the

and then the cute.

We were brought in to take over the
franchise.

That's right.

You guys are like 70 years old.

I should drag that one to my cell phone.

Little fuckers always come back. Oh, no.
Not this time.

Exactly.

All these dramatic walkaways with the
biome back to us.

Damn, it's hot.

I don't know.

I kind of like it.

You do, right?

We should play biome. You want to dress
up like a biome?

No, I want you to dress up like a biome.

I'm feeling dressed.