All language subtitles for Overnight Models xx

Yoo -hoo!

Now that Miss Beamish has finally made
it, I guess we can leave.

Let's all get on the bus, please.

Isn't that just like Beamish? Well,
she'll be late for her own funeral.

That's because she's too busy chasing
men over. It's not surprising they're

always running away.

Now we'd better run.

Thanks for waiting.

I don't think it's fair that the wives
can't come along on a company excursion.

Oh, if we did that, we'd need another
bus for your clothes along.

You just want to go up to the big town
and behave like bachelors. Once we're

through with the trade fair, we'll be
too tired to play anything but rummy in

the hotel.

I'm sure you're not going to be playing
rummy, drinking rum, and playing other

games. Everybody gets the luscious cup
of coffee. Please get on the bus. I

bought this thermos bottle. All right,
see you tomorrow.

Oh, look after my wife, will you? Very
clean in the kitchen.

You'll have them back in one piece
tomorrow, I promise you.

Don't make promises you're not sure you
can keep.

We funnelwinks don't hoodwink people, my
dear. So let's shake hands and come out

fighting. Okay, let's go.

Bye, sweetheart.

Bachelor tour guides just set a bad
example for husbands.

Oh, you know that isn't true.

Keep your chin up.

Bye. Have a good time. Have a good time.
Enjoy yourself.

Don't do what I would.

Feels nice.

On this bus, the price is the limit.

Okay, here goes another round. Let's see
what you got.

I think the boy won it.

This coffee ought to put some lead in
your pencil when you add up the score.

The card score, I mean. Oh, come now,
Miss Beamish. You can't put a cup on the

table when we're playing cards.

Maybe later, but thanks anyway.

I'd be nice to that young lady fella.
You never know when you might need her.

We're hardly on the bus, and she's
already off and running.

I tell you, she'll never catch up with
Mr. Putnam.

He might take her for a ride, along with
a few others on this trip.

All right.

Now we're away from home, I guess we can
ring up the curtain.

Let it all hang out.

Here we go.

Pog with the bra.

And on with the show.

Oh, you hanging out your shop sign?

Does that mean you're open for business?

Hey, Christina.

Yeah? That guy's been following us for
the last five minutes. How about showing

him a couple of new road signs that'll
keep him awake?

Driving lesson number one. Keep your
eyes on the road ahead of you.

Yes, and you mustn't let anyone or
anything distract you.

Oh, look. His eyes are on me, that
naughty boy.

Out with the sign.

Danger, bumpy road ahead.

He's concentrating all right.

Can't you look in front of you when
you're driving? I was.

Before you go into the hotel, I'd like
to point out a couple of things.

A tour of the city will take place in 15
minutes from now.

Those of you interested, please bring
your luggage to your rooms at once.

Okay. By the way, you'll be free to do
what you want on Saturday afternoon.

If you want to visit friends or want to
have a look around on your own this

afternoon, it's up to you. I'm game.
Next time we meet, we'll meet for

tomorrow morning at 8. Oh, what?

Shall we go along? What a question. We
haven't finished our card game yet. I

winning. Can't play cards when you're
going for a walk.

You'll come to my room the minute
everyone's settled down, yeah?

You bet. I'll call my aunt and tell her
I haven't got time.

I'm looking forward to it. Our first
time in a real bed.

Can I give you a hand? I'll thank you to
keep your hands to yourself, Mr.

Fuddlewink. I can carry my own bag. I'm
sure old Mrs. Krause would be grateful

for your help, though.

Did you see that?

He was trying to get Linda to fall for
him.

Well, I guess the likes of us are in no
danger.

Can I have my key, please? My name is
Cocker. Yeah, and my name's Kathleen. If

you please, ladies and gentlemen.

We got enough rooms for everybody in the
hotel, so can I have one at a time,

please? Mr. Lehmann, Mr. Unger?

Yes, here I am.

Excuse me, please.

Could we change that?

I'd much rather sleep together with Mr.
Meyer.

You see, we normally play cards
together, and I thought we might get

Excuse me, sir. Your firm arranged for
the sleeping accommodations. As far as

I'm concerned, you can sleep with anyone
you want. We're a modern hotel.

Look, they've got a swimming pool with
bar.

How about that? Sounds better than a
city tour.

You bet, and we might find some
interesting fish swimming around.

If nothing else, it'll keep us fit,
right?

Hey, Dieter, do you see what I see?

Swimming pool and bar.

Yeah, and from where I am, I can read
between the lines of... Should I say

curves? I'll say. And the vibes coming
in our direction are enough to knock us

over. Yeah.

No time to waste.

Our company seems to have gone to no end
of trouble to keep us all happy.

I'm quite impressed.

I really don't know what to do. Should
we take a tour of the city or should we

go for a swim? How about tossing for it,
Fred?

Well, we've already made our minds up.
We're going to go for a swim first.

Right away? Well, that's helped me make
up my mind. How about it, Dieter?

Well, I couldn't think of a better way
of spending my afternoon off than with

the ladies, if it's okay with you.

Sure, why not?

I'm sure it's big enough for us all.

See you at the swimming pool bar right
away then, huh?

First throw your bags into your rooms,
and then yourselves into the swimming

pool.

Come on in. The water's beautifully wet.

I have to wet my insides first, Peter.

Hey, they say alcohol makes you
impotent.

They must have been serving me weak
alcohol, I guess.

Now, that's what I call a quick change.

Now, how about a drink, or would you
rather go swimming?

Both, if you don't mind.

I like people who make up their minds.

Now, while you go for a quick dip, I'll
get you your drinks ready. Where will it

be? Campari soda? Oh, I'd love to.
What's it taste like? I think it's

a lovely red.

Quite right.

Hello there. The water's just the right
temperature. Waiting for you.

Two Campari sodas with plenty of us.

Is this the first visit to our hotel?

It's our first visit to Berlin, in fact.

You know, you shouldn't be swimming
here. You should be visiting the town.

You're right at that. But Berlin won't
run away, I guess. We'll catch up with

later on in the evening.

You know, Pauline has got something.

And I'm going to find that something.

Anybody else want to come along, do you
know?

We have to leave now. Hey, what about
her?

Oh, I do hope she won't be too much for
Mr. Puddlewood.

I wouldn't worry.

He stormed many a fortress in his day,
my dear.

I don't see why women find him so
attractive.

Find him attractive.

I'd just like to find him.

I'm delighted you've decided to come on
the city tour. Quite delighted.

Fasten your seatbelts. We're off.

Man. Couldn't have knocked, you know.

I hope the tourist house is gone.

I checked the city tour bus, but he
wasn't on it. Oh, he's not going on the

tour. He's going to visit some
relatives.

He's been gone quite some time now. I
hope he doesn't suddenly turn up. Don't

worry. He said he'd be back late.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm getting ready for something that you
and I have been waiting a long time

for. We're alone at last, just you and
I.

I can hardly believe it.

We've waited long enough for this.

Hey, what's it like under those
curtains, huh?

Hey, Pete, you asleep?

Open up. I've got something.

So Klaus didn't go and get it.

Just what we needed.

He must have taken the key with him.
What are we going to do now?

I'll go and get it.

Well,

get dressed. We've got to get out of
here. Let's go to my room.

What a business.

It worked out all right. No one saw it.

How do you like that? I was just about
to come when they came.

Never mind. We'll start all over again.

The more beds, the merrier.

Here we go again.

Hey, where is he?

Nothing doing.

if you want to see it.

No place like a good bed.

He said it beats busing around town.

And here we are, driving along Berlin's
main thoroughfare, the Kurfürstendamm,

known as the Kuhdamm to the Berliner.

The Kurfürstendamm is two and one half
miles long and was built between 1854

1859. Here comes the buffalo, Irving. A
buffalo?

Where? Buffalo?

We just shuffled off to Buffalo and it's
your deal. Come on. We're not going to

wait all night for you. Come on.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I've
just been asked to step to the rear of

bus. I believe I'm going to be taken to
cleaners. Well, if he wants his buffalo

cleaned, that's fine with me. Hell to
the sightseeing. This is where the

accident is. Well, our luck will
probably let his money home. We'll keep

bus. What?

This is really too much. What? Just look
at him. And with the car top down.

Aren't they afraid of catching cold?

And now he's even fronting her breasts.

Well, if someone had told me people made
love here in the middle of the road, I

would have come sooner.

Which tap did you say was dripping? The
hot water.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I wanted the man to fix the hot water
tap for you because I thought you were

a bus tour.

You must just have dozed off, I guess.
Yes, I just wanted to lie down for a

second. You wanted to have a look at
Berlin, didn't you? Of course, I'll get

dressed right away.

I'll close the door to the bathroom so
you can dress in peace. Thanks, it's

quite all right.

Yakety yakety yak.

Damn, damn, damn.

What do we do now?

I'm going down to the swimming pool.

What the hell?

Did anyone see?

Stop worrying about it.

Nice here.

Yeah.

Just look who's here.

Why, it's Angie and Christine.

And Freddy and Dieter. Do you think
they've got a foursome going? Could be.

Well, let's see us together.

Let's get out of here.

Where to now?

Let's go into town.

If I'd known this would happen, I would
have taken the bus to him.

To your left, the famous zoo station,
right around the corner from the musk

oxen. And a little further up, the city
hall where Kennedy made his famous

speech. And what's the name of that huge
erection over there? Sorry, I can't

know everything.

Looking for something special?

Can I be of any help?

Not really. You can't know everything.

Keep up the good work. Keep it up. I'm
going to win that bet.

That turnoff was great.

The view up here.

Out of this world. Hey, come on. It's my
turn.

Oh, skyscrapers are something else. You
can even see Berlin.

It's great.

You're not peeking in someone's kitchen,
are you, Effie? And I just peaked a

winner. Well, what's for dinner tonight?

Come have a look.

That's quite a meal.

Well,

go ahead. Tell us what's on the menu. A
little more than one meatball.

Would you believe? Right on the Corvus
and Don.

This town is nothing but a pool of sin.
You know that?

Hey, over here.

Here.

Let's have it.

You get it when I'm couldn't ready.

Isn't it funny? We see one another every
day in the office, and we have to go to

Berlin to get to know each other,
Christine.

Well, let's drink to Berlin. How about
it? I believe the next round's on you.

Right you are.

Two more Camparis, honey.

Right on.

Hi.

Hello, honey.

You two are early birds today. The usual
poison?

Say. Who are the two studs? A couple of
big spenders from the West.

They look all right, the two dudes.

Looks like they're pretty hard off. They
skipped the city, too, to make eyes at

their secretary.

I wish they gave me a little dictation.

Get your stenopad and go to it.

Can we get them away from those two
birds?

They feel like a little bit of fresh
country air, dear. The usuals from us in

this pool of iniquity are slowly
beginning to get on my nerves, as well

other places.

Hey.

Hi, ladies.

How's the tie -dye coming?

Right up.

Hi, there.

Hi, kid.

Hello.

There you go.

They look lethal.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Here's something to watch your listens
on.

Oh, hi, Ty.

More like a pie ball.

Here's your eye.

Cheers, everyone.

Well, let's check out those two big
spenders before their secretaries start

making it. I want the bozo on the right.
Who cares?

Now, wallets are all that interest me.

Hey.

I hope that hair dye doesn't come off in
the water.

Okay, let's get back to the game. Whose
turn was it?

Mine. Okay, girls, halftime's over.

I hope we're not getting in your way,
ladies.

Sorry

about

that. I wasn't aiming at you.

But since we've already met, why don't
we take advantage of the situation and

invite you to the game?

What do you say?

I can't think of any better way for us
to meet those gentlemen.

Fine. Then you take up your position
over there. Hey, Dieter, you're on.

Get her. Get her, Dieter.

Here, here.

What about me? Just a sec.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy, Dieter.

If you enjoy yourself, I don't feel like
playing anymore. Hold on. Wait for me.

I'll be right back, gang.

Hey, take your time.

Okay, now you get in the middle. It's
your turn next.

I don't feel like competing with
professionals. Let's go somewhere else.

Fine with me. But where?

Let's go to the country. We can swim
outdoors there.

Okay, you tell them we're going.

We're off to the river, fellas. The
sun's out, you know. Come on, girls.

We're having fun.

How do you like that? You've got your
work cut out for you.

So long. Bye.

Oh, sorry about that. We didn't mean to
chase your girlfriends away.

Ah, don't worry about it.

They're just a couple of girls from the
bookkeeping department.

We're all here on a company outing. You
mean you're strangers in town and you're

wasting your time in a swimming pool?
Just wanted to grab a quick swim before

going to town. Now we've had our swim.
Now it's about time we visit a few

of interest.

You two are local natives.

You must know your way around.

All right.

Let's show these two fellas the bright
spots of Berlin.

You're in for a few surprises.

Sounds great. That's what we came here
for.

Look at those boats. Aren't they
beautiful?

I sure wish I was on one of them. Boys
have it made, I tell you. They can pick

out any chick they want. We've got to
wait for some clown to start making eyes

at us. Why don't you make eyes at a guy?
Okay, if you show me how.

There's nothing but wives and kids here.
Let's go for a swim first.

The wide open spaces are an improvement
on that heavy air in that swimming pool.

You must be up your trolley, man. At
least we could have scored with Andy and

Christine. Don't be a damn fool. Those
two are a once in a lifetime experience.

They look like a couple of Playboy
centerfolds.

That's the kind of girl you dream about.

I mean, we got a date with them.

So what? That's all we're going to get.
A date and a bill. Those two are as hot

as a brace of pistols.

They were trying us on for size.

I thought that was obvious.

You ought to be glad we fit.

I hope you're right.

Well, here we are.

I hope you've already got a cab ordered.

What do we need a cab for?

We were waiting for you two to come
downstairs.

Mister, would you please order us a
taxi?

Taxi in the house, sir. Coming right up.

Hey, stupid, don't you know what a taxi
costs?

Look, I go out in style with a couple of
numbers like that. If you want to walk,

go ahead.

Great out here, huh?

I'm so glad we came.

Nice, huh?

Hey, check out that boat over there.
They look like they might want some

company. I sure hope they do. They look
all right.

Couple of pleasure cruises on the
starboard bow.

They look okay.

Suppose we could haul them in?

Oh, you two, looking for a convoy?

You know, you two dinghies better look
out when the big boys come along.

How about coming aboard?

How do we know you're not pirates?

We are.

That's what makes it so much fun.

You look like you might make good
buccaneers yourselves.

Hey, come on aboard. We can hoist the
Jolly Roger.

I bet you will. What's your first name,
honey?

Christine.

Christine. Pure magic.

How about you?

I'll have a martini.

All you want. Just come aboard.

Meanwhile, Mike and Christine can go
ashore and pick up the stuff, okay?

Look out below.

Last ones ashore are monkeys in law.
Come on, Chris.

Have a banana.

While those two are away on a mission,
how's about us opening up the bar, huh?

Come on, I'll give you a hand.

Oh, Sir Daisy.

Sure. Welcome aboard the Schooner to
Paradise. Hope you enjoy your maiden

voyage. I've seen good corn at Tropical
Moon and all this in the middle of the

big city.

And that's not all.

They do a steak here that melts in the
mouth.

Ah.

And everybody who's anybody comes here.
Why, they're creaming in this place

every night.

My big apartment.

Oh, I guess you fellows don't know about
that. This is the place the cream of

society gathers.

Are you ready to order yet?

Hmm?

All I want is a cup of coffee.

Do you have to watch your figure? Why, I
can eat and eat all I want and never

add an almond.

How's the Chateaubriand tonight?

I recommend it, madame. Fine, then
that's what I'll have. Very good,

fresh is the fish?

A cup. Charles called me a rude name.

We have rouget, homard l 'américaine, or
coquille Saint -Jacques.

Coquille what?

That means scallops, madame.

Sounds all right. I'll have that.

Yes, madame.

And you, monsieur?

You ordered something with toast, didn't
you? You mean chateau, Brian.

It's simply divine.

Yeah. Okay, bring me the same thing.

Very well, monsieur.

And how about you, monsieur? You still
want to have the coffee, or would you

care for something else?

Well, let me see now. I might just have
a little snack after all.

Your friend is having the same thing as
Vera. Why don't you have the cocky stuff

I ordered? If the waiter says it's good,
it is.

Okay, if you say so.

All right, then we'll have two scallops.

And what beverage would you like to
have?

Well, now, with the cookie, I can
recommend an excellent 27 Chablis.

And with your steak, how about a moulin
avant?

Sounds wonderful. We'll put ourselves in
your expert hands.

Thank you for your confidence.

Hey, Chrissie, my dear.

Do you see that over there?

It's what they call a peninsula.

Do you know what that is? It's a long
strip of land that juts out into the

and it's beginning to give me ideas.

What do you say to a little excursion
over there?

Well, it is lovely.

It's great out here with you. You know,
we were just drifting along like a ship

without a rudder until you came aboard.

Boy, I sure am glad I'm out here on the
water with you and not downtown with a

crowd of old folks. Well, if you're
enjoying this ride so much, why not

right now for the rest of the season?

Tell me, can you fish out here?

Ever catch anything?

Well, it all depends on the rod you use.

You did catch one thing in me.

It's nice out here.

He began being nice when you came along.

You're lovely.

You're beginning to turn me on.

Christine, you know, you're just what
the doctor ordered for a sunshiny

afternoon on the lake. Believe me.

You're all right, too.

No, don't.

Why don't we go down to the cabin? We
can get to know one another better.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, Tom, take the rudder, will you?
We're going below to cool off. Aye, aye,

Captain. We're on our way to the bow.

How about it, Angie? You think you can
handle this bridge? Sure.

Good cruising.

Same to you.

Hey, you ever held a rudder in your hand
before? Well, not this kind.

Ah, there's nothing to it. Why don't you
just sit down?

There you go.

Now then, this here wheel is called a
rudder.

If used correctly, it'll steer your
ship.

Just pull this throttle and speed her
up.

Now turn the wheel to the right.

Okay.

Fine. Now turn it to the left.

Okay.

A left turn is what we call a starboard
course.

A right is port.

Stick with me, kid, and you'll be in old
salt in no time at all. Would you like

that?

Hey, you mustn't rock the boat.

Just keep her on a steady course.

We have a delicate cargo down.

The real Together Gifts go right around
the corner. Everyone goes there. It's a

scene we've just got to make.

I thought we were going to take a look
over the city first. Sure.

We just need a little liquid
refreshment. Can't that wait until the

down? At least look the place over.

I'm sure you haven't got anything like
it back home.

Can't harm to stick our heads in for a
minute.

Oh, boy.

How much more time are they going to
need down in the cabin?

My friend has a way of stretching things
out.

The women seem to like it like that.

Another bruise.

One of these days we'll have to get a
bigger yacht.

I thought they were only going down
there to cool off for a minute.

Now we're so hot, I think we ought to
change places.

Let them keep the cabin for themselves.

I know where we can find an even cooler
place.

Hey, what's the matter with you, fella?
You swallow a broom while I wasn't

looking? Hey, don't worry. I don't bite
hard.

I've got to be careful. If I get any
closer, I turn into a tiger.

You were right. This place is worth
seeing.

Oh, baby, you wait until the floor show
starts. You know your way around. You

must have been here with a lot of guys.

How could you say that about me? Why,
you're the first man in my life.

We're wasting our time dancing.

Could we be doing something else? All in
good time.

Thank

you.

Time for that drink.

Would you care to place your order now?

Too much alcohol dulls the senses, you
know.

Whiskey never cramped my style.

Well, seeing there's four of us, why
don't we just daughter a bottle?

A whole bottle?

Oh, go on. That's more than we need. How
much is half a bottle?

Forty -two fifty.

That'll do. You can pay for it.

Come on. You're not going to order
coffee again.

Just a second. We've got a little
disagreement.

Certainly. Take your time.

You cheap bastard.

I've never been so embarrassed. That's
because you're used to fellas with fat

wallets. You know what that makes you?

That does it. I'm not going to take that
from a hick.

Vera, let's go.

Don't be mad, Liz.

I'm sure he was only kidding. You
shouldn't have brushed up your

They're much more your speed than we
are.

Well, what's the story, Vera? Are you
coming with me or are you going to waste

the rest of the day with these two
clowns? I've had enough.

Sorry about that.

I'm afraid the two of us are a team.

I'm awfully sorry.

You do have a good time in Berlin
anyway.

Both of you. Thanks.

Same to you.

You sure blew it.

Thanks, friend.

I told you right off that we're out of
our class.

Just because you're low class doesn't
mean I have to play along with that

So why don't we pick up another two
broads? So that you can scare them away?

We were doing just fine with the two
girls we came with until you scared them

away. Now they're probably sitting in
their behinds out at that lake bored

stiff.

Did you hear that? What was that noise?
Tom just ran her aground. Wants to put

on one of his tent shows.

Oh, good Lord. I forgot all about Angie.

Okay, kids.

Wakey, wakey. It's time for changing of
the guard.

Why don't you come up for air?

What's the big noise?

Oh, it's you.

I wanted to show my new girlfriend my
itchings. He's got quite a collection.

sure he won't disappoint you.

How do you like it here, huh?

I love this place. Not a soul between
here and the lake. The whole gang camps

out here.

We stay here all summer when the
weather's nice.

Mm -hmm.

Nice.

Oh, now they drop left.

Let's have the key.

It's there.

Mike's in the cabin.

Tell him to take a break, too. Okay.

What happens now?

The same as in the tent, only without
mosquitoes.

Let's go.

Well,

let's clear the deck for action.

Unpack this cargo.

Not outdoors.

Let's make it a tent, huh?

It's too stuffy in there. Nobody ever
comes near this place.

Let's see if your thermometer's up.

I didn't know you cared.

No, I got caught in the zipper.

Oh, did you, sweetheart?

We'll soon fix that.

Where is it?

I don't know. It was there when I left
home this morning.

mosquitoes. Let's use the tent. Yeah,
you're right.

Hey, come on, Mike. You'll hate yourself
in the morning.

Go for a swim and freshen up.

We're going to cast off, so don't rock
the boat too hard.

Reminds me of my late husband.

Oh, come on, Florence. His neck wasn't
that long.

They say those animals can grow as tall
as 20 feet.

That's high enough to look in my bedroom
window. I better pull the shades when I

get home. You know, the amazing thing
about these creatures is that they're

only animal in the world without any
vocal cords. I always say, the longer

are, the less you have to talk about it.
Harry never said much either.

asses on their menu, they have to spread
their legs to get it.

Isn't that ridiculous?

Oh.

When we finish here, we can do as we
please.

Have you got any plans for the night?
No.

In which case, let an old hand show you
a little of the nightlife in Berlin.

The hot spots, you know.

Mm -hmm. Why don't we ask around to see
who wants to go with us?

You know, the intimate little night
spots would just get crowded if a whole

group came along. Now, if the two of us
were to go out alone, we could... Oh,

where have I heard that song before?

And you know something, Mr. Fuddlewink?
I didn't like it the first time I heard

it either.

Oh, Fuddlewink won't take no for an
answer, will he? I gotta give him full

for... Okay, fellas, place your bets.
Will he make it with her or won't he?

Oh, I'd rather lose my money playing
poker. I'll leave those bets to you

youngsters.

What a shame.

Help yourself to my nuts.

Thanks.

Aren't they darling?

Got any more?

You can have all the nuts I've got.

You a stranger in town? Yes, I'm here on
company outing.

When did you get in? This morning.

You've got to go tomorrow at noon.

See much of the town yet?

No, when?

They didn't leave you much time to get
around.

You're right.

You're with too many people. What you
need is your own private tour guide.

And you're volunteering.

How'd you guess?

Listen, how do you suggest I get away?

You're not married to that gang. Why
don't you just say goodbye?

I guess I could, but... How about making
a date for this evening?

Ah, go on. You're not going to stretch
me on the rack until this evening, are

you? No, but... Cut out the butts.

Hey, how you making out with the boss's
secretary, puddle -wink, huh?

I've seen cold shoulders before, but
this one's a real polar bear.

We're about to place our bets.

The odds are in her favor.

How amusing.

I've got a wonderful idea.

No sense in your wasting your afternoon
with that crowd of old fuddy -duddies.

Now, all you have to do is pretend to go
over there to get another sack of nuts.

By the time you get back, they will have
moved on, and you can say you've lost

them. Oh, I couldn't do that.

You can do whatever you want, and you
want to, don't you? Yeah, sure, but...

Don't look now, but we've got a tour
going through here from the Carpathian

Mountains. Better cover your veins.

Now, just saunter over there and ask
Grandpa for a fresh bag of peanuts.

Then wander slowly back and wait.

By the time the Lonely Hearts Club you
came here with will have wadded along,

I'll be waiting in my whiz -bang
launcher outside.

Whiz -bang launcher?

You know what I mean, my hot wheels.

Okay, kid, I'm game. Right on.

Well, off to the peanut vendor. There
you go.

Will you look at the hot pants on
Grandpa?

Grandma must have had quite a night.
Look at those kids.

I think they're sweet.

Would you just look at that one?

He ought to be ashamed.

He looks more like your late husband
than the giraffe did.

From the waist down, in any event.

At least my husband didn't flaunt it in
public.

They're lucky.

They've got enough women if they should
happen to feel the urge. That's just it,

I say.

He ought to do something about it
instead of just waving it around.

You know, there's a terrific sweet shop
right up there. What do you say to a

quick chocolate soda?

Sounds terrific.

Okay, let's make the scene.

This trip is more fun than I thought.

The fun is just beginning. Oh, hell.

I'm going to have to swing by the pad.
I'm clean out of bread.

You're not going to try that old number,
are you? Give me credit for a little

more imagination than that. That old
etchings number went out with the hoop

skirts. I really do need bread.

What guarantee do I have this isn't a
put -on? Wait down in the car.

I'll leave it up to you how much action
we have and where.

I keep forgetting we have to sometimes
spell things out for you out -of

-towners. I'll tell you one thing,
though. The closer I get to you, the

I'm beginning to like you.

You know, I... I should hope you could.

Well, what is it you have to say?

I was going to say I could loan you a
little. Loan me a little what?

Money you call.

Um... Hmm.

Boy! Will 50 be sufficient? Oh, wow!
That's more bread than I earn in a

What's wrong with you?

All of those two up there on the
sidewalk, they work in the bookkeeping

department with me. They mustn't see me
here. You mean the working girls will

roll me on Juliet over there? Yes, just
to the next desk. And if they catch me

with a strange man, I'll never live it
down. Don't worry. You've got Papa to

look after you. Just keep your head down
and everything will be okay. Then we

can go for a drive in the country.
You'll be safe there.

All this walking around my feet are
beginning to kill me.

We could have a drink somewhere.

This whole trip was a waste of effort.

Want to go back to the hotel?

Oh, I don't know. I'm sick and tired of
sneaking past that man at the desk.

Well, what now?

Why don't we go dancing at some disco
place? That can be a lot of fun, too.

Okay.

We've got nothing to worry about, honey.
There's a football game on in that

stadium down the street, and every cop
in town is there writing out parking

tickets. Sure?

Take my word for it.

Come

on,

stand up, kid.

Don't want to hide your light on a
bushel.

I tell you, Martha, if we don't get some
rain soon, it won't be much of a season

for the mushrooms.

Look over there.

Oh, my goodness.

Don't they know it's in no parking zone?

What do you know? It's a beautiful sunny
day. They're probably bird watching.

They could have a special permit.

Looks like something else to me.

Need a permit for that?

Better not interrupt.

They must be trying out that new secret
weapon. A mind -altering one.

There ain't no secret about that weapon.
You've just forgotten how to use yours.

A tight squeeze can be fun. It depends
on who's doing the squeezing.

Come

on.

Come to Papa.

Here's where it's at.

Boys back home do it better behind the
bar. So good for them.

I've got to step out for a second. Be
right back.

Friends, this is the end of the guided
tour. You are now free to spend the

evening any way you please.

We'll meet again for breakfast tomorrow
morning promptly at 8 a .m. I wish you a

very pleasant evening and lots of fun.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do, girls.

Well, now, Miss Beamish, can't you come
along with us? You know what they say,

the more the merrier.

Why, thank you. That's very kind of you,
but I'd think rather not.

Get her. She expects to make time with
someone.

Not a chance.

Have a nice evening.

You fellas are really lucky to have your
very own tour guide to show you around

Berlin by night, you know.

Now, if you feel like it, why don't you
join us? I promise we won't play one

round of cards. No cards, you have my
word.

Now, if Miss Beamish comes along, I'm
afraid I won't be able to show you those

places you said you wanted to see.

I'm sure you understand, Miss Beamish.

Sometimes we prefer a male company.

Now, why don't you join the ladies?
You'll have fun with them.

Oh, well, if that's how you feel. I'm
afraid it is.

Now, have a very pleasant evening, and
we'll see you at breakfast. Now, come

Come on, dear.

That fuddle wink is stubborn as a mule.
He wanted to date Linda, and she

disappeared while he chased Beamish
away. That means he'll be squirming

the men.

I'm not so sure.

Oh, will you look at that. Here come the
four sex maniacs now.

Miss Beamish seems like a good boy.

Oh, cut it out.

My throat is all dried out. What do you
say to a drink?

Up ahead there, gentlemen. I do believe
I see a sidewalk saloon.

Relief is here.

Let's go.

Look, I could swear I just saw a naked
woman.

Oh, honestly, Pa, I tell you, you need
your brain washed out with soap.

See for yourself. There she goes.

Why, my stars have got her. You weren't
kidding.

She must have lost her way. Is she
alone?

No naked man anywhere around.

As usual, you get all the kicks.

I've been needing this ever since we
left the seals.

Yes. We should have skipped the seals
and come straight here.

A glass of beer is a fine thing in its
way, but what you need is a wife. Better

get with it.

Hey, let me do my own worrying, will ya?
When do you plan to begin?

The time to look around is before you
get all screwed out.

Well, you can, that corn. If anyone
looks screwed out, it's you. Unless it's

this one.

It's amazing.

This afternoon, I realized for the first
time why it is you're not married,

Irving. You did? Why then?

The ones you want don't want you.

And let anyone show an interest in an
old fool like you.

Then you're not interested.

All you care about is bed.

You're a fool.

Now, listen. In my days, when a man took
a fancy to a woman, the first question

he asked is what kind of a cook she was.

And how right they were. I'll say.
You'll be all strewed out soon enough,

then you'll appreciate the value of a
good dinner.

If you washed your ears, you might learn
something.

Now, put that through your fat head.

How about sneaking back into bed now,
Peter?

If we were back home, we could be taking
a walk in the woods.

Out there, there aren't any chambermaids
interfering.

Damn city, no place like home.

Don't look unhappy.

It's not worth it.

We've got one another, haven't we?

How about a box from the movie?

Okay. It's the kind of box I think you
mean.

Excuse me, sports fans. Do you suppose
you could take a quick breather? I seem

to have lost my way. Do you think you
could give me some instructions on

back into town?

Fourth Street to the right, then turn
left.

Look at those pictures over there.

I don't know about you ladies, but I
wouldn't mind having a look at one of

pictures for a change. You must be out
of your mind, dear.

We might be when this picture's over.

Let's face it, we wouldn't dare watch a
film like this back home. It looks kind

of tempting, I must say.

If you girls insist, why not? But I'll
tell you this.

I'm not going to sit downstairs where
people can see me.

Oh, we'll just sit in the box, that's
all. Sure.

Very well.

Three bucks, please.

I don't understand how they can make
movies like that.

If they didn't make them, then we
couldn't go see them.

Don't you realize this is the only way
to find out what the young people are

thinking? How would you know? I was
young once.

Just a minute.

I may not be any beauty contest winner
anymore, but I'll tell you one thing.

not dead yet. Are you?

We'll find out soon enough.

We'll never find out if we don't go
inside soon.

You know something, girls? I feel just
like a virgin in a motel.

He's out for the count. Oh, I don't know
about you, dear, but I think with a

little bit of help he might come up
again.

Want to bet?

What's happened now?

The power's out. It will take at least
an hour to fix.

Here we go again. Why is it I have to
spend so much time in a stuck elevator

with some stiff?

It's all a question of how stiff.

I can think of a fascinating way to kill
time in here. Why don't we give this

one a thorough examination?

You mean violate a patient?

The only reason I took this job was for
the fringe benefits.

In that case, it's time to unlace his
fringes.

Hey, where am I?

Mother told me that the hospital's like
this.

That must be our neighbor.

I'll do the question.

They're making whoopee.

Well, they certainly chose the right
place.

Well, we're...

You're right.

I wouldn't have thought it possible.

This disgraceful metropolis.

Wherever you look, no one asks you to
look.

Certo, signora.

Ecco.

Something terrible just happened to me.
I was swimming in the lake and somebody

stole my clothes. I'm staying at the
hotel and I must get right up to my

Che fortuna. Thank you, pardon?

Che fortuna. That's Italian.

What a pity.

You simply must give me the key to my
room at once. That's room, I think, 14.

I'm sure the desk clerk can give us a
hint.

You better hide under the counter.

Go ahead.

Excuse me, my friend. Do you suppose I
could buy a drink at this time of night?

Certainly, sir. What would you like to
have? Give me a bottle of beer on second

thought. Make it a soda water.

Would you just put that on the bill for
my room, please?

On your bill. Certainly, sir. Thank you.
Good night. Good night, sir.

Has he gone away? Just a second.

Thank heavens.

Now, could you please give me my key? I
think you'd better wait until they get

inside their room.

Quick. Here comes somebody else. Get
down.

Good evening. Good evening, ladies.

Room 7, please. The key to room 15. Do
you suppose the sisters are still in the

back? I don't think so. The keys are
still down here.

The senior citizens are still out and
about, I think. Probably playing

in the back house. Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

Do you have some free postcards? Of
course, madame. Don't send them a card

this dump. Steal a couple from the hilt
and let them eat their hearts out at

home. You've got a point, you know.

Could you wake me in the morning?

Certainly, madame. What time?

Good heavens, I hadn't thought about
that. What time do they serve breakfast?

Seven -thirty to ten. Then you'd better
wake me at a quarter to seven. I always

look like the bride of Dracula first
thing in the morning. Takes me an hour

get human.

Seven -thirty's fine for me. All I need
is a little soap and water.

Okay, that was quarter to seven for
Contessa Dracula Madonna, and seven

for the lady with the soap. Good night.

Buonanotte, pleasant dreams.

Scusi, signore, would you care to take a
drink up to your room, please?

That's not a bad idea.

No, thanks. Nothing for me. I'd love to
have an orange juice.

Do you have an orange juice?

Sure, senora.

I'll put it on your bill.

Good night.

Good night.

Honestly, you really didn't have to call
those people back to sell them drinks.

How long am I supposed to sit down
there?

I didn't mean any harm, senora.

I was just afraid the ladies might come
back like the gentlemen before and catch

you walking down the hall.

Oh, I hadn't thought about that.

Now, if you want to run around the hotel
wearing a half a newspaper, that's your

business. Yes, but would you please give
me my key before somebody else comes?

Certainly.

Here we go again.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Give me the key to my room, please.

Just a minute. I woke up there this
morning.

Just a minute.

It's the same number as my wife's
birthday.

Or maybe it's my social security number.
Let me think.

Would you happen to know my wife's
birthday?

If you could just tell me your name,
senor, I can locate your room number.

Bird, as in tweet, tweet.

How do you say bird in Greek? I wouldn't
know, senor. We don't speak too much

Greek in this.

Your room number.

You're a genius.

And you're also pretty smart.

You're a nice boy.

A little bit shy, perhaps.

I don't know why you don't speak Greek.

It would move you up in the world.

Perhaps you would like to take a little
drink up to your room? That's a splendid

idea. I wish I'd thought of that myself.

You're a smart boy.

Do you know that? It's been said before.

Just one thing.

You see, I never touch a drop of
alcohol. Don't touch.

I know. That's what I've been trying to
tell you.

Hey, what's for the two -step?

Oh, it's nothing.

Whenever I hear Italian music, I just
have to dance. You know, you missed your

calling. Yeah. You had a feeling for the
ballet.

Good night.

Good night.

Sleep well.

Buonanotte. Buddy hug. That was a good
dance. Yeah, I liked that.

Hands up.

Lie down on the bed.

Go on.

One false move and I'll plug you.

What do you know?

It's a girl.

This is great

fun. It could become... Habit forming.

I guess

that's the end.

I think we better wait a few minutes
until the rest of the audience goes out.

There's no one here who knows us.

Oh, well, nothing like a liberal
education.

I just don't know.

It keeps the muggers off the street.

I'm serious.

Yeah?

Before leaving the cinema, check to see
that your clothes are back on.

And the rest is, I guess, in Latin,
Greek and Hebrew.

Oh, they must be prayers.

They should put in couches, you know.

What? And show the movie on the ceiling.

And were you ready for that? Pretty hot
stuff, eh? Hey, is this your first blue

movie? Yeah. Sure beats those French
postcards. Sure does.

There's two men there from the bus.

That's all we need. What are we going to
do now?

We'll just wait in here until the rest
of the audience goes. You're absolutely

right.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, it's all right, but it'll never
replace the real thing. I bet you can

a lot from it. Hey, did you ever do it
in a hammock? No, have you? No, but I

can't wait to try.

With your style and grace, you'll
probably need six months in traction

all over.

We'd better wait a little.

Yeah.

Suppose we could knock off a quickie?

Most of the audience seems to have gone
out. In another minute or two, we can

go. I'll give a listen.

It's all quiet out there. Let's go.

Just one more kiss before we go.

All right, let's get a move on.

I wish I could stop kicking.

Oh, so that was you, was it?

Well, ladies, and how did you enjoy the
movie?

I never saw anything like it in my whole
life.

Well... Of all people. At the hotel,
they told us it was the sequence of the

sound of music.

I tell you what, we won't tell anyone
what we heard you doing if you won't

snitch on us. Could you really hear?

Oh, we were all young ones.

And it sounded like fun. It was.

Well, you won't tell.

I wouldn't mind going to the movies with
that young man myself.

I'll say. The unabridged version of War
and Peace.

The night is young and I'm so beautiful.
What are we doing here?

I've had so much to eat, I'm falling
asleep on my feet.

I tell you, I've got to go home before I
collapse.

So that's where the Colonel less of the
place to end up by settling in old age.

Now you heed my words. What I said this
afternoon goes.

You marry a good cook.

You fellas go on ahead. I'll get home
later.

I'm going to take a walk and see how
beautifully the churches are illuminated

night. And say hello to the priestesses
for us. Don't worry.

Hey, taxi!

You look like you're ready for a little
action.

Well, maybe back later. I gotta get a
drink.

I've got a bottle.

No, I mean a regular drink in a bar.

Why don't you go around the corner there
to number 19?

They've got a massage parlor there with
a bar and everything.

Thanks. I'll remember you in a little
while.

Say, what kind of a parlor was that?
What difference is there? You'll get

you want.

Yes, right.

Three o 'clock for a sour cream massage.

So long.

Hey, guess what?

Another sour cream freak.

I need a word that starts with F, ends
in K, and means something sweet and

scrumptious that everyone enjoys.

Obvious.

No, that won't work. Not enough letters.

Try a fudge cake.

Yep,

right.

Customer coming. Put away the knitting.

Hello, fella.

Is this the... It sure ain't the
Salvation Army. Come on in.

Haven't you got a bar?

Sure, the kind you drink at and the kind
we beat you with. Whichever you like.

Just say the word.

Hello.

Come on over and get the load off your
hooves.

You look like you could do with a drink.

The bar's dead -end.

In case you were wondering, here's where
it's at.

Hello there.

Hi, sweetie.

This here is Lulu. My name is Mimi.

What's yours, young fellow? Me?

What do you mean?

What would you like to drink? How about
a nice glass of champagne?

It's good for your love muscles.

All right.

Only if you'll join me in a little
glass. Why, sure.

Of course we will.

It's only good manners.

Sorry, ma 'am. I can't get away. I'm
waiting on somebody.

As soon as I'm finished, I'll be right
up. Yes.

Yes. As soon as I come down, I'll come
up. I mean, as soon as I come, you know

what I mean. Goodbye.

If you think I'm going to let you run
away... I wasn't going anywhere.

She said her shower was busted. She
wants to take a shower at this hour?

Now listen, I'm not going to let you go
as long as your shower work.

Better call the morgue. I think we've
got a stiff on our hands.

If there's one thing this fellow isn't,
it's stiff.

This thing is about as wide awake as a
miller's dog asleep on a flower sack.

A word that doesn't even growl.

We might as well make a game of it.

Ladies and gentlemen, last chance to
place your bets.

Which way is it going to fall?

Boy, super.

I've never lost like him in a long time.

The contestant has no point.

Right, place your bets. The second round
is about to begin.

Which way is it going to fall? And the
left side wins.

Mimi gives men back their manhood.

If this routine doesn't get a rise out
of him, then the best thing would be to

give him a cement transfusion.

I suppose if that doesn't make it, we
could leave it in the freezer overnight.

Oh, come on. Smile for the birdie.

It sure is a change from the fellow who
came in here yesterday.

He made it with every girl in the house
and walked out the door with his thing

in his hand.

All good things come to those who wait.
It isn't dead, it's just under

narration. If you'd raise your ass,
maybe I could wake up my circulation.

That takes a load off my mind, as well
as a few other voices.

Now for the hottest live show in town
with yours truly in the leading role.

You open up.

I can see you already have.

It's feast or famine.

We're from the vice squad. Huh? What are
you doing here? How did you get in here

in the first place? Through the door.

Very interesting.

Aren't I allowed to go to a massage
parlor at my age?

Do you have a license for this
establishment?

Why ask me?

I'm just a customer.

I'll buy that.

Now, I'm sure the ladies have a license.

You're not going to listen to that
crumb. I never saw him before in my

I just walked into the bedroom and there
he was with my friend.

Well, we'll soon see about that. But
first, I'll have to take a look at your

identification, may I?

I guess this must be your jacket. Yeah,
yeah. You're going to have to get

dressed anyway.

I must have left my identification at
the hotel.

Somebody will have to identify you.
Until then, he can wait in the police

precinct. Oh, damn.

If you can think of someone who can
identify it, just call me. They mustn't

out I'm here. I'm the tour guide.

I'm finished.

My whole future is up the creek.

There must be someone somewhere you can
trust.

Anyhow, you've got plenty of time to
think it over.

Beat that one if you can. I'm all out of
trumps.

I hope he gets back in time to go home.

You know, I'm beginning to get worried
about him. If he'd been in some kind of

accident, the police would have notified
the hotel.

He's probably oversleeping with a
redhead or some blonde.

Well, it looks like we'll have to go to
the trade fair without Fuddlewing.

Otherwise, we'll be too late. The others
are already waiting for us outside.

Excuse us, gentlemen. Aren't you coming
along with us?

Sorry, ladies, but much as we hate to
miss the trade fair... Somebody has to

stay in the hotel in case Fuddlewing
calls in. How very thoughtful.

Oh, just run along. And bring back a
couple of brochures, will you? All

Right.

I do hope nothing's happened to the poor
dear. Oh, I wouldn't worry. You'll get

your brochures all right.

He came here to play cards, not to go to
a stupid trade fair.

Let's not waste time on trivial matters.
We got a game going on. Well, if we

don't get started now, we'll miss the
whole fair. Come on, let's go. You're

quite right. There's no sense in waiting
for him any longer.

Hey, Fred, Angie and Christine said
they'd stay behind and play

tennis with us. That's the best way to
get them turned on. Quick, we'll hide

till the buff leaves.

Don't you think we'd better check back
with the police? Find out if there's any

more news?

If you want, senora, but if there were
news, they would have told you. You're

very kind.

You mean you're going to the fair? I
thought... What?

You had your own fair at home?

Listen, isn't that the couple we saw at
the movies? Sure.

You see, we could have stayed in the
hotel after all. Sure, and put the

chambermaid on the bus on our plane?

What the hell?

Oh, thank goodness we made it. Thanks
for waiting for us.

Up aboard, ladies.

No, Your Majesty, we haven't heard a
thing. That's why we're bothering you.

Believe it or not, that's his name.

What was his first name? Irving.

Irving? Irving Fuddlewink. If he knocked
somebody up in a car accident, I mean,

you would know about it, I'm sure, eh?

So we hear from you when you hear from
me. Have you seen Angie and Christine

anywhere? Did they go on the bus?

Oh, yes, they're gone. But the bus is
already left, but you can take a taxi

follow the bus.

Yes.

How about that?

Those two chicks are going to wind up
coughing as a tent.

Stop crying about it and let's go.

Hey, what's the matter with you,
sleepyhead? You can stretch out in the

You mean you're not sleepy?

Nothing freshens me up better than
making love all night.

When you finished with it in the boat,
that was that. I had a whole night of it

with a waiter.

You know which one, don't you? The boy
with the cute mustache.

What? You slept with a waiter as well?

You bet. I didn't come to Berlin to
sleep alone.

I'm just thinking about it. It's in
shivers up my spine.

It all started simply enough.

Not as if I planned it.

All I ordered was a cup of coffee.

Is it my fault if the waiter came with
it?

Hey, got my coffee there? Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, I beg your... It's all right. Come
on in.

You've got yourself a deal.

Thank you.

Just put it down.

Thanks, ma 'am.

In as much as you're already here, I'd
be very appreciative if you'd scrub my

back. Whatever you say, miss. The
customer's always right.

Oh, that feels wonderful.

I've got a sneaking suspicion you've
done this kind of thing before.

That's a tight squeeze.

Does he?

With those fingers, I guess this isn't
the first organ you've played.

In as much as you're already here, would
you have the kindness to carry me over

to the bed? I wouldn't want to drip all
over the carpet.

Why, certainly.

Thanks.

In as much as you're already here,
wouldn't you like to play around with

not allowed to get my uniform wet, but I
could take it off.

On your way. Sure, lady. On my way.

At the beginning, I thought maybe I was
robbing the cradle.

But as soon as the boy got over his
initial shock, I realized he was a crack

shot.

Hey, do you always do it with a tie on?
This way you know where the front is.

I'd never have guessed.

Hotel Hoodwink?

Si. You spoke to me before.

La policia.

Yes, he's misguided. I mean, he's the
guide.

Si.

Si, vero.

That's him.

That's the gentleman.

Where is he?

23rd Precinct. Ma bravo. What happened?
The gentleman was picked up on a police

raid. He had to be disinfected. That's
all we do.

Tell them he'll be picked up.

Mr. Executioner, somebody's coming down
to get him. Very well.

Right away.

Yes, sir. How do you do?

Same to you. Maybe he was downtown in
the cat house patting the pussies. How

could you possibly defame somebody's
character like that without even knowing

what happened?

The police don't raid houses unless
somebody is sticking something into

somebody.

Here we are.

I beg you, you mustn't tell anybody what
you heard on the telephone. Not a word.

It never happened, and we never found
out about it. Oh, please, not a word to

anyone. We just sold our telephone.
Thanks.

Oh, could you tell me where the nearest
pharmacy is?

I don't know how to thank you for all
you've done.

I would never have lived down the
disgrace.

How would you have dealt with it?

I would have had to look for work with
another firm.

Honestly? I wouldn't even have gone back
with you.

No.

There you are.

Now, all you have to do is tell them you
were unconscious most of the night, and

nobody will wonder why the hotel wasn't
informed.

And now lie down and sleep a while.
Don't forget you were awake all night.

I'll wake you before we leave.

And when the others get back from the
trade fair, I'll tell them everything

need to know.

Oh, Miss Beamish.

One more thing.

Would you please turn around?

I must have been blind.

I'll fix that bandage afterwards.

Okay, can you beat this one?

How about this one?

Good heavens, Irving, you certainly do
look one hell of a mess.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

You were unconscious, weren't you?

Can you sleep when you're unconscious?

Hey, are you trying to pull the wool
over our eyes, buddy?

I mean, that was a pretty good story you
made up, you know.

All about how you were robbed and
beaten.

But are you quite sure it was a mugging?
Now, it could have been a borrowed

brawl. Oh, come on, fellas, forget it.
Why should we? I mean, if you've got a

100 % clear conscience, I see no reason
in the world why this conversation

should bother you in any way.

You'll be sorry if you're pulling a fast
one on a serving.

Out with the true serving. No one will
find out.

Come on.

Even the bandage is a complete phony.

Now you ought to be ashamed of yourself
trying to put one over on your own

friends. Well, when I said goodbye to
you last night, I... Keep going.

I went into a bar for a drink.

A very classy establishment.

And I met a couple of interesting
ladies.

And they gave me a good tip.

A little private massage joint.

Nothing but the best.

Nothing but the best? No wonder you're
pooped. How right you are.

And I satisfied all 12 of them.

And that's where you fell asleep. Right.

Right. Now, the reason you made up that
story was because you didn't want the

ladies catching on.

What?

You knew it all along. We can see
through you like a window.

That new hairdo is very becoming to you.
Thank you. I think so, too. This has

been the most interesting and
educational tour.

What do you mean educational?

Well, it's like this.

We discovered that modern art wasn't
quite as abstract as we thought it would

be. Well,

now, what other interesting things
happened? Go on, tell us, sweetie. Well,

discovered that visiting a big city
makes us all a bit more open -minded. It

would be nice if we could take some of
this open -mindedness home with us. How

true.

Tomorrow they'll all find out.

Find out? How stupid of me not to have
thought of it before. Irving, tomorrow

you're going to have to take that
injured head of yours into the company

front of me. I hadn't thought of that.

We better give you a genuine bump on the
head. Are you out of your mind? No.

Listen to us. You'll do as you're told.
You better have some scar tissue to show

the doctor.

Let's not kid about this, fellas. It's
much too serious.

Well, how are we going to do it? That's
a good question.

We could use one of those beer bottles
over on the table.

Sure.

All right, Irving. I think that's a
decent offer. What do you say?

Make up your mind. It's your choice.

Right now?

I'm afraid so.

Our wives will be waiting for us at the
bus, and we won't see one another before

tomorrow. In other words, at work. And
then it's too late to do anything.

Well, then, bang away.

So who gets the first bang?

All right, who's winning? Let me see.
Yep. I was. Well, here's your weapon.

a go.

Well, don't be shy. Come on, let him
have it.

All right, keep the game going.

Go on, pretend it's a real game and
pound on the table.

Okay, beat this. Yeah, here.

There we go.

There, Dewey.

Go on, do it.

Bang. Huh?

Not a thing. Try again.

You sure?

Look out. Go ahead.

You're going to have to do better than
that.

Even harder?

Forget it.

It hurts me more than it hurts him.

I know it's no fun, but somebody's got
to do it. Okay, you do it. You're next

line anyway.

Okay, Irving. It'll only take a second,
then it'll be all over.

I hope not forever.

Ah, don't worry.

Go on, keep the game going.

How's this?

And that?

Here we go.

Hey there.

Irving. Irving. Irving?

Hey, Irving, wake up.

Wake up.

Ah, Irving, you're back with us again.

Your real friend.

What happened to you, my dear?

Well, it must be an aftereffect of his
injury. It happens, you know. Not to

worry. I feel lots better now. I
wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee,

right. My eyes deceive me.

Irving. All right. The whole business
was a lie. What? It was like this.

No.

You guys never told me how it was the
first time with your wives.

Here's your coffee.

Here, take my seat. Oh, gentlemen, I
wouldn't want to interrupt your card

Oh, God. Sit down, my dear.

The next time this company goes on a
trip, we're taking you with us in the

evenings to keep the muggers away from
Irving.