Original subtitles

♪ Well, started out smashin' dem Briarwoods ♪

♪ I think they were werewolves or mummies ♪

♪ We punched the Chroma Conclave in da face ♪

♪ There were like 15 of those dummies ♪

♪ And it was me and Pike but mostly me ♪

♪ We spilled blood like damn heroes ♪

♪ We saved the realm a whole buncha times ♪

♪ cuz now Tal'Dorei knows we fuck shit up ♪

♪ Vox Machina, it's what we do ♪

♪ Fuck shit up ♪

♪ Cuz everyone loves us to ♪

- ♪ Now Percy and Vex are royals in Emon ♪ - They're in Whitestone.

- ♪ Kiki and Vax are on her Jar 'O Money ♪ - Aramenté.

♪ Scanlan and Kaylie are definitely dead ♪

- We just haven't heard from them. - ♪ But me and Pike are ready for a melee ♪

♪ cuz ♪

- Everybody! - ♪ we fuck shit up ♪

- ♪ Fucking shit up is what we do ♪ - ♪ Fuck shit up ♪

- ♪ Yeah, all the ladies love me, too ♪ - ♪ Fuck shit up ♪

♪ Even when Pike is feeling kind of blue ♪

- ♪ Fuck shit up ♪ - ♪ If you don't believe me, then ♪

♪ fuck you ♪

Oh, man. Dis singing thing is way easier than Scanlan let on.

Wow! You're Grog.

Big fan since forever.

Sign my stein?

Oh, anything for m'fans.

"Grog."

There.

Oh, uh...

Maybe the rest of Vox Machina can sign, too!

My kids love Vax.

Yeah, ya see, um, we haven't, like, uh, talked in a bit.

I'm all the Vox Machina you need!

You want to make out with a legend?

Another round of drinks, on us, the gods-damns heroes of Tal'Dorei!

Uh, Pikey... don't get me wrong.

I mean, I love drinkin' with you,

but I kind of been itchin' for a fight.

It feels like days since I got to punch that dragon.

It's been a year.

Oh, well, maybe the team

wants to fuck shit up again, huh?

- Oh, we could go see 'em and-- - Nah.

Those guys are perfectly happy without us.

'Kay. Then maybe we ask the Everlight?

I don't need to consult the Everlight for every little thing.

If there's one thing I don't want right now, it's--

Adventure!

Bollocks.

Bollocks!

Where the hells is he?

Ma'am. It's time.

Fine. If I must, I'll face them alone.

Open the doors.

Presenting your hosts for the Chamber of Whitestone Commemorative Ball,

Mistress of the Grey Hunt, Lady Vex'ahlia Vessar!

Accompanied by

Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III!

Cutting it close, Percy.

Apologies, my love.

It's just that nothing's working down there.

Give a lady a chance, darling.

Oh, you mean the Orb. Boo.

Delilah Briarwood turned it on, and I can't turn it off.

I've tried fire, electricity, magnetics.

All I know is that it negates magic.

Look, I get it.

A spinning death sphere is quite the distraction.

Though I can think of a better one.

Speaking of distractions, all this posh nonsense must drive you mad.

When you made me a noble, I didn't expect so many fuddy-duddies around all the time.

And though I do enjoy balls,

three per week is a lot.

Percival, my boy.

When are you going to make an honest woman of her?

When you do the same for one of your mistresses, Lord Mercer.

Canapé?

I do hope having a gilded roof over your head hasn't been all terrible.

Of course not, darling.

I love you and the life we've made together.

But I do sometimes miss the old days.

With Vox. And Vax.

We should invite your brother over.

We could throw a-- Ah!

Say "ball" and I drop you.

I just wish there was a way to shake up our royal routine.

- Something like-- - Canapé?

Yes, that's it. A canapé.

How about this?

Why don't I tell Cassandra I'm not feeling well,

and we can retire with a bottle of wine

and absolutely nothing else?

Seems I've made a dishonest man of you.

See you in the bedroom.

The entire hunt, ruined. Our horses were terrified!

A giant panther, near Whitestone?

The earl said it radiated darkness as if made of shadow.

Something must be done.

Indeed. Something must be done.

What the fuck, mate?

Fun, fun, fun!

Who the hell are you?

- Oi! Maxi pads! - 'Tis I, Taryon Darrington! Ha-ha!

Buckler of swash, deviler of dares, soon to be author.

And?

And I've recently set forth from Wildemount

to make my name as a hero...

...like the valiant members of Vox Ma-sheen-ah.

Machina.

Watch your back!

Ooh, sublime fisticuffs.

So I combed through my adventure novels and compiled a list of heroic deeds.

I've already crossed off "make a dramatic entrance,"

"start a tavern brawl" and my favorite,

"defenestration--" get this-- all before lunch.

Ha! Nothing like deep penetration before lunch.

What's next on your list thingy?

Ah, glad you asked, Jumbo.

I'm here to defend my family's honor from a band of baneful brigands.

And I'll need the two of you.

Uh, okay. We're a little out of your league, golden boy.

Ah-ah-ah. Take heed, heroes.

For when adventure sings her siren song, the refrain is

Taryon Darrington!

- Okay. - Uh, what?

What if I told you I was excessively wealthy?

Behold!

Oh, man.

Wow!

- Ugh. - Oh!

Oh, he said "dangerous"! Oh, I been dyin' for danger.

Eh.

And you been actin' kinda funny lately.

I don't know, maybe a good old-fashioned fight with the forces of evil

will give you somethin' to believe in?

Buddies, I appreciate your concern, but look at that asshole.

Ha! Excellent.

Whoa!

How evil a force can this entitled himbo be facing?

Tary.

Oh-ho! Fuck yeah!

Well, typically at this point, we're tearing clothes off, not putting more on.

If there's a monstrous beast in the woods outside Whitestone,

the Mistress of the Grey Hunt needs to take care of it, right?

I mean, technically the title's been ceremonial for generations.

That's only because you haven't had a skilled hunter in the role.

True.

A giant panther? Really?

The earl probably saw a wolf and pissed himself.

Well, if it's nothing, I'll come home.

But if it is...

Percy...

I appreciate our comfortable life,

but sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

I need this. To prove to myself I still can.

I assume you'd prefer I not accompany you.

No, no, no. While I'm off, you can spend the whole night doing research.

Oh, and do take a magic lantern, darling.

It's so dim down there, we don't need your spectacles getting any thicker.

Only if you take this.

It's dragonscale.

Cut from the hide of Vorugal.

I had a feeling your primal instincts would one day return.

Primal, huh?

Oh, Percy.

Mm.

My love, what about your hunt?

Sundown's not for another hour.

Tary.

No, no! What are you doing?

- What I was born to. - Tary.

Cease at once!

This is no mechanized miscreant. It's Doty!

Did you say Doodie?

Yes. My clockwork companion and personal biographer

who records all of my daring exploits.

Observe.

Doty, take this down.

Though we had only just met, the two members of Vox Machina,

- Jumbo and Lady Everlight... - We have names.

...were chomping at the bit for our first mission.

- What happened next? - What mission?

We-we didn't agree to any--

My father, Howaardt Darrington, owns an incredibly profitable gem concern,

but his deliveries have been recently ransacked along the trade routes,

- so I-- - Taryon Darrington?

Yes, shall protect his shipment, defeat the brigands

and expose their nefarious network.

Tary.

That's the only word he can speak.

Pikey, please?

Money and fighting?

Ugh, why not? This can't get any dumber.

Oh, brigands!

I pray there are no ruffians about.

Oh, I hope we aren't waylaid by bandits.

Our cargo is so precious.

It got dumber.

Whoa. What happened there?

The Chroma Conclave happened.

And we weren't fast enough to stop it.

Um, are you okay?

I don't know, buddies.

I mean, sure we beat the bad guys, but... so many suffered.

And now the rest of the team moved on with their lives like nothing happened.

Well, I'm still here.

I know, but... it's like we're stuck.

Or I'm stuck. And-and I don't know how to get unstuck.

Well, there's a simple solution to most problems.

I'm not reaching out to the Everlight.

Hey, hey. I was gonna say most problems can be solved by punching.

And when they can't?

You kick.

Where are my weapons?

I haven't any.

Hey.

- Whoa. Whoa there! - Tary.

There, in the road ahead, state your business!

What is going on, Tary?

A real live robbery, I hope.

Great. Let us out.

No, no, this is my chance.

Fear not, I shall conceal us with smoke.

No, no, no, wait till we're out of the--

Why?

- En garde! - Ow! That was me, you idiot.

Oh. Terribly sorry.

Let me... clear the air.

- That's her? - That's her.

Aw, she's so small.

Smaller still once I cut her down to s--

Ow! No!

Ow! Why?

Finally, a fight!

Uh, could maybe use some help, Pikey.

Doty, take this down.

But stand in front of me while you do it.

Told you kicking worked.

Egads! My family jewels!

Wait, why didn't you use a decoy?

Because a Darrington is always authentic.

Keep up, Trinket.

A year of canapés has made you soft.

What'd you find?

No panther did this.

Good work, Trinket. Extra treats tonight.

Tracks appear mammalian but also avian.

Like it's two creatures in one.

Right. Let's see what twice the power does.

Oh, fuck you.

How do you work these blasted things again?

A reading.

What's changed?

Poor thing. Was that your mother?

Easy.

You're going to be fine.

Fenthras.

Ugh, I'm too run to drunk this fast.

Moneybags, use one of your... your dumbass gems!

Ah! Capital idea. But which one?

The Amethyst of Flight to soar overhead?

Oh, oh, the Sapphire of Sight to predict her next move?

Whatever.

Ha-ha! Sunder Stone. Well chosen.

What the...

Pike!

No way out, lady.

This has been way more trouble than it's worth,

so just give back the idiot's gemsack and we'll drop the whole--

Whoa! What the fuck?

Please don't!

Just, stop it. You're...

You're gonna kill yourself!

My child. Is something troubling you?

Priestess Talia?

Hello, Pike.

What?

Damn it.

What the hells is that thing?

No! Trinket!

Mm.

Shit.

Time to venture outside your comfort zone, de Rolo.

Wait!

Come back!

Stop!

Gotcha.

How's that feel?

That's Priestess Talia. Don't hurt her.

Oh. I, um...

Um... friends?

Priestess!

Tary.

Just stop!

Let's just... Let's just calm down and talk.

Whatever's wrong, I can help.

Like you helped this town?

Or those who died on your watch?

What? The path of the Everlight--

The Everlight lied to you, Trickfoot.

The gods deceive all.

Doty, take this down.

Especially this sanctimonious raven bitch.

But a new day is coming.

And the old order will crumble.

Sunder Stones!

Run!

Trinket, now!

I don't suppose you want to dig around its stomach for my bow, buddy?

I don't blame you.

All right, you whirling nightmare, tell me what you are.

It's not anti-magic.

It's consuming magic.

I will never complain about canapés again.

What. The. Fuck?

Thanks, buddies.

No.

Maybe she's okay?

I don't think anything is okay.

We need to head to the Everlight Temple.

Oh, I thought you didn't consult the Everlight on every little thing.

I got a feeling this is big.

More adventure? I'll go with you.

- "Solve a mystery" is on my list. - No!

Tary.

What?

Look, Taryon, was it?

I don't know if we are your speed,

but if you're still hot to trot,

I think I know the members of Vox Machina you want.

How do you feel about fancy palaces?

Ooh!

Taryvan, away!

- Tary! - Buh-bye!

Ah, yeah. Bet we'll never see him again.

Calm, child.

There is nothing to fear if you answer true.

Are you prepared to see for him?

I am.

To fight for him?

I am.

To die for him?

I am. For we are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

We are his blood.

Chirp.