All language subtitles for Little.Britain.USA.S01E01.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DD5.1.x264-herkz_track3_[eng]

Narrator:
BRITAIN AND AMERICA,

TWO GREAT NATIONS
LINKED THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

WE DISCOVERED AMERICA,

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
ALREADY THERE.

WE DELIBERATELY LET YOU
WIN THE WAR OF INDEPENDENCE

BECAUSE YOU THREATENED
TO CRY IF WE DIDN'T.

AND YOU VERY KINDLY
JOINED US FOR THE LAST

FEW MINUTES OF THE SECOND
WORLD WAR,

FOR WHICH WE THANK YOU.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE
OF THESE TWO GREAT NATIONS?

HOW ARE WE ALIKE?
HOW ARE WE DIFFERENT?

HOW ARE WE ALIKE?
LET'S FIND OUT

AS "LITTLE BRITAIN"
COMES TO THE USA.

( country music playing )

Narrator:
WE BEGIN OUR CROSS-CULTURAL
EXAMINATION

HERE, ON THE GULF COAST
OF MISSISSIPPI

WHERE BRITISH
TOURIST LOU

IS TAKING HIS FRIEND ANDY
ON AN AMERICAN VACATION.

I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.
I GOT YOU.

I GOT YOU.
I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.

( breathes heavily )

OH, MR. CAB DRIVER,
COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THE--

( grunts )

I NEED TO USE
THE TOILET.

OH, CAN YOU HOLD ON?
WE'LL BE IN THE ROOM
IN A MINUTE.

- I WANNA GO NOW.
- IN A MINUTE.

HELLO THERE.
DO YOU HAVE A RESERVATION

UNDER THE NAME TODD?
LOU TODD?

- TODD?
- YES, THAT'S MY NAME.

LOU TODD.
OR IT COULD BE
UNDER MY FRIEND'S NAME,

- ANDY PIPKIN.
- UH...

I HAVE A TODD HERE.

EXCELLENT.
AND NOW,

IS THIS A FIRST-
FLOOR ROOM?

- MY FRIEND IS IN A WHEEL--
- I DON'T HAVE FIRST FLOOR.

I DID ASK FOR
A FIRST FLOOR ROOM.

WELL, I'M SORRY.
I HAVE SECOND FLOOR.

THE MAN'S COMING
TO FIX THE ELEVATOR
ON MONDAY, I BELIEVE.

I GUESS I'LL BE HAVING
TO CARRY HIM UP

- THOSE STAIRS MYSELF.
- YEAH.

THANK YOU
FOR YOUR HELP THOUGH.

RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.

OH, LOOK, ANDY.

THEY'VE GOT A POOL HERE.

YOU CAN HAVE
A SWIM IN THERE LATER.

NO, I BET
PEOPLE PISS IN IT.

Narrator:
THE BRITISH PRIDE THEMSELVES
ON BEING THE RUDEST,

MOST UNHELPFUL PEOPLE
IN THE WORLD.

RECEPTIONIST CAROL BEER

IS WORKING AT THIS HOSPITAL
IN PENNSYLVANIA.

HELLO.

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER.

SHE'S A BIG BRAVE GIRL
AND SHE'S GONNA HAVE
AN OPERATION TODAY.

NAME?

TELL THE NICE LADY
YOUR NAME.

- DANIELLE.
- DANIELLE WHAT?

DANIELLE LLOYD.

AGE?

NEARLY SIX.

YOU'RE FIVE.

- YES.
- WELL, SAY FIVE THEN.

ADDRESS?
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

WITH MOMMY
AND DADDY.

OH.

1772 LINCOLN ROAD.

WE GOT THERE.

PUTTING YOUR
DETAILS IN NOW.

DANIELLE'S GONNA HAVE
HER TONSILS REMOVED.

I'VE GOT HER DOWN FOR
A DOUBLE HIP REPLACEMENT.

OH NO.
WELL, THERE MUST BE
SOME KIND OF MISTAKE.

COMPUTER SAYS NO.

WELL, THAT MUST BE
SOME OTHER DANIELLE LLOYD.

COMPUTER SAYS NO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE
DANIELLE LLOYD
ON THE SYSTEM.

DO YOU WANT THE DOUBLE
HIP REPLACEMENT OR NOT?

NO. CLEARLY SHE
DOESN'T NEED IT.

WELL, SHE MAY DO
IN THE FUTURE.

LOOK, WE SAW DR. PHILLIPS
LAST WEEK,

AND SHE DEFINITELY
HAS AN APPOINTMENT
FOR TODAY

TO HAVE HER TONSILS
REMOVED.

COMPUTER SAYS NO.

WELL, COULD YOU
SPEAK WITH SOMEBODY?

I COULD, BUT...

WELL, THANK YOU
SO MUCH.

YOU'VE BEEN JUST GREAT.

OH, COULD I BORROW
A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME

TO FILL OUT
A CUSTOMER SERVICE
QUESTIONNAIRE?

WOULD YOU SAY
THAT I'VE BEEN, A:
"VERY HELPFUL,"

B: "EXTREMELY HELPFUL,"
OR C: "FUCKING HELPFUL."

Narrator:
IN AMERICA A CHILD IS BORN
EVERY EIGHT SECONDS.

OH, THAT POOR WOMAN
MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME
AT BROWNIE CAMP, ELLIE GRACE.

I'M SO EXCITED,
BUT I'M REALLY GONNA
MISS YOU, MOM,

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
SO MUCH.

I LOVE YOU TOO,
ELLIE GRACE.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN GUMMI BEARS.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN
PUPPY DOGS.

NO. I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN SMILES.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN RAINDROPS.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN TRANSSEXUAL PORN.

MISS ELLIE GRACE!
WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?

JULIE'S OLDER BROTHER
SAID HE SAW SOME
ON THE INTERNET.

OH, DID HE THEN?

YES, MOMMY.

ON A SITE CALLED
CHICKSWITHDICKS.COM.

OH, I'M GONNA HAVE
A WORD WITH JULIE'S MOM.

OKAY,
EVERYONE ON BOARD
NOW, PLEASE.

YOU BETTER GET ON THE BUS
BEFORE IT LEAVES, ELLIE GRACE.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN KITTENS.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN ROSES!

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN COTTON CANDY.

I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN CUM SHOTS!

Narrator:
THERE ARE MORE
FAT PEOPLE IN AMERICA

THAN THERE ARE PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHY WEIGHT-LOSS
INSTRUCTOR MARJORIE DAWES

HAS COME FROM BRITAIN

TO DISPENSE
SOME DIETARY ADVICE.

HELLO, FATTIES.

LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

NOW THOSE OF YOU
WHO READ THE FAT FIGHTERS'
NEWSLETTER

WILL BE AWARE THAT
FAT FIGHTERS

HAS A NEW
SPOKESPERSON.

AND WE'RE VERY LUCKY
BECAUSE

SHE'S PAYING A VISIT
TO OUR BRANCH TONIGHT.

SO WILL YOU PLEASE
GIVE A VERY WARM

FAT FIGHTERS'
WELCOME

TO ROSIE O'DONNELL?!

- NICE TO SEE YOU.
- HELLO, PLEASE.

- THANK YOU.
- TAKE A SEAT.

LOVELY.
SO, ROSIE O'DONNELL.

- YES.
- SO, ROSIE O'...

- IT'S JUST ROSIE.
- ROSIE. ROSIE.

- YES. ROSIE.
- ROSIE. ROSIE.

SO, ROSIE,
I'VE BEEN READING
ALL ABOUT YOU

- IN THE FAT FIGHTERS'
NEWSLETTER.
- MM-HM.

- I KNOW YOU HAD
YOUR OWN TALK SHOW...
- YES.

UNTIL ELLEN DEGENERES
FILLED YOUR SLOT.

AND THEN--
AND THEN--

AND THEN
IT SAYS HERE--

IT SAYS HERE ALSO

THAT YOU'VE BEEN
IN SOME MOVIES.

- MM-HM. YES.
- "A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN,"

- "THE FLINTSTONES."
- MM-HM.

WHAT'S THIS ONE?
"SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE."

I'VE SEEN IT.
IT DON'T REMEMBER YOU
IN IT,

BUT WE'LL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR IT.

AND IT SAYS HERE

THAT YOU ARE
A LESBIAN.

AND THERE'S ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

OH, WELL,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MARJORIE.

- NOW ROSIE.
- YES?

YOU AND-- I KNOW
YOU WON'T MIND ME
SAYING IT,

YOU HAVE HAD ISSUES
WITH YOUR WEIGHT.

- I HAVE.
- YOU HAVE. SHE HAS.

SHE'S BIG.
SHE'S A BIG LADY.

SHE'S A BIG
LESBIAN LADY.

YOU KNOW, MARJORIE,
HERE IN AMERICA

A LOT OF US HAVE--
HAVE WEIGHT ISSUES.

- IT AFFECTS MANY--
- ARE YOU FAT BECAUSE
YOU'RE A LESBIAN,

OR ARE YOU A LESBIAN
BECAUSE YOU'RE FAT?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

WELL, I MEAN,
DID YOU FIND IT HARD
TO GET A MAN

BECAUSE OF THE WEIGHT
AND THEN THINK MAYBE
I'LL GO LEZZY?

- OR, WAS IT MORE--
- NO, MARJORIE, MARJORIE.

NO NO.
PERSONALLY, I THINK
THAT YOU'RE BORN GAY.

BUT I'M PROUD OF WHO I AM.
I'M A LESBIAN WOMAN,
I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.

- YES. YES.
- MY PARTNER AND I HAVE FOUR
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, SO...

OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANKS.

SHE MUST HAVE
BOUGHT THOSE IN AFRICA.

- SO, OKAY.
- BUT YOU KNOW,

MARJORIE, I'M ACTUALLY
HERE TO TALK ABOUT WEIGHT.

SO COULD WE JUST MAYBE
TALK ABOUT THAT, PLEASE?

YES. YEAH.
YEAH.

COULD WE JUST
STICK TO WEIGHT, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

OKAY, SO LET'S
OPEN IT UP TO THE GROUP.

WHOSE GOT
A QUESTION FOR ROSIE?

BUT CAN WE JUST NOT GO
ON ABOUT HER SEXUALITY?

- PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.

LET'S JUST STICK
TO WHY SHE'S SO FAT.

OKAY.

YES, ANNA.

LOST CAUSE.

- HELLO, ROSIE.
- HEY, ANNA. HI.

ROSIE, DO YOU HAVE
ANY ADVICE FOR PEOPLE
LIKE ME

WHO ARE ON
DIFFERENT DIETS
FOR YEAR AFTER YEAR

AND NEVER SEEM TO LOSE
ANY WEIGHT?

AW. YOU KNOW
THE IMPORTANT THING,
ANNA,

IS THAT YOU'RE HEALTHY
AND THAT YOU'RE HAPPY.

YOU KNOW?
ARE YOU HAPPY
WITH YOUR SIZE?

- WELL--
- NO, SHE'S NOT.
SHE'S VERY FAT, ROSIE.

I AM HAPPY
WITH MY SIZE.

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
THAT'S GREAT AND YOU'RE
BEAUTIFUL.

SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN,
ROSIE.

OKAY.

RIGHT, LET'S THINK.
ANOTHER QUESTION.

YES, MY ILLEGAL FRIEND.
YES.

I OFTEN FIND
I'M DOING REALLY GOOD
WITH MY DIET.

AND THEN
I GO ON MYSELF

AND BUY A BIG BAR
OF CHOCOLATE.

ROSIE,
WHAT'S YOUR WEAKNESS?

- WELL--
- COULDN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD.

SORRY, ROSIE.
I SHOULD HAVE WARNED YOU,
SHE'S FILIPINO.

- MEXICAN.
- SAME THING, ISN'T IT?

OKAY, LET'S HAVE
ANOTHER QUESTION.

LET'S HAVE ONE
FROM THE MORBIDLY-OBESE
CONTINGENTS.

UH, YES, THE DANGEROUSLY
FAT MAN OVER THERE.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MARJORIE?

I REALLY CANNOT
BELIEVE HOW YOU TREAT
PEOPLE!

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RUDE.

YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC,
YOU'RE RACIST.

YOU'RE MEANT TO HELP
THESE PEOPLE

AND YOU KEEP
RIDICULING THEM
ABOUT THEIR SIZE!

IT'S DISGUSTING!

AND LICKING ANOTHER
WOMAN'S VAGINA ISN'T?

Narrator:
ONE THING AMERICANS
CAN BE VERY PROUD OF

IS THAT THEY HAVE MORE
DEATH FROM FIREARMS

THAN ANY OTHER
COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

ALL RIGHT.
NOW THE STANDARD ISSUE GUN

FOR ANYONE
IN THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

IS A COLT 45.

IT'S A SIMPLE
BLOW-BACK PISTOL

WITH A SINGLE-ACTION
TRIGGER.

THAT'S A GOOD GUN.

THE WINCHESTER 70.

THIS IS
A BOLT-ACTION RIFLE

WHICH WE'D USE
FOR LONG-RANGE COVERAGE.

SURE IS A BIG HEAVY ONE,
BUT SHOOTS A GOOD LOAD.

NOW AS YOU'VE PROBABLY
REALIZED,

THIS IS A MACHINE GUN:

THE BUSHMASTER A3.

NOW YOU REALLY GOTTA KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING

WHEN YOU HOLD A BIG
POWERFUL WEAPON LIKE THIS

OR IT'LL SPRAY EVERYWHERE.

AND FINALLY,
I THOUGHT YOU ALL MIGHT
LIKE TO SEE

ONE OF MY OWN GUNS.

I'VE GOT A SMALL
PERSONAL COLLECTION

OF 2,000 GUNS.

THIS IS
THE BARRETT 50 CALIBER,

THE BIGGEST SEMI-AUTOMATIC

WEAPON YOU CAN BUY.

IT'S A BEAST.

OH.

I'M COMPLETELY
BORED OF GUNS NOW.

I NEED TO GO AND DO
SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Narrator:
ONE THING THAT'S CURRENTLY
ALL THE RAGE WITH TEENAGERS

ON BOTH SIDES
OF THE ATLANTIC

IS GRANDMAS.

THEY'RE THE LATEST,
MUST-HAVE FASHION ACCESSORY.

THOSE WHO DON'T HAVE
THEIR OWN GRANDMA

CAN BID FOR ONE ON EBAY.

NOW THERE,
MISTER.

WHAT'S ALL THIS
YOUR MAMA TELLS ME

ABOUT YOU BEING CAUGHT
SMOKING CIGARETTES?

I WAS JUST TRYING IT.

CONNOR, CIGARETTES
ARE VERY BAD FOR YOU.

YOU USED TO SMOKE.

SURE, WHEN I WAS
YOUR AGE WE ALL SMOKED.

USED TO SAY SMOKING
WAS GOOD FOR YOU.
WE DIDN'T KNOW ANY DIFFERENT.

I'M SORRY, GRANDMA.

SAME WITH THAT COCAINE.

WE JUST DIDN'T KNOW.
WE THOUGHT IT WAS A
PICK-ME-UP.

I USED TO GO AROUND
ALL DAY HOOVERING UP
THE BOGA SUGAR.

YOU TOOK COCAINE?

OH SURE.
AND HEROIN.

YEAH. WE USED TO GET HOME
FROM CHURCH ON A SUNDAY

AND YOUR GRANDPAPPY
USED TO SAY TO ME,
"MILDRED,

LET'S CHASE THAT DRAGON."

AND, OH, WE USED
TO SPEND THE REST OF THE WEEK

OUT OF OUR TINY MINDS.

I NEVER KNEW PEOPLE
TOOK DRUGS IN THEM DAYS.

YEAH, THERE'S A LOT
YOU DON'T KNOW.

I STILL GOT ME
OLD CRACK PIPE SOMEWHERE.

YOUR AUNT DOROTHY
GAVE IT TO ME FOR MY
18th BIRTHDAY.

AUNT DOROTHY
GAVE YOU A CRACK PIPE?

SURE SHE DID.
SHE EVEN HAD IT ENGRAVED.

"MY FACE IS ON FIRE.
YOURS, DOROTHY."

HOW COULD YOU TAKE
THAT STUFF, GRANDMA?

WE DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS BAD FOR YOU.

AND EVERY MORNING WE USED TO
COOK UP THAT CRYSTAL METH.

WE THOUGHT IT WAS
LIKE HAVING A GLASS OF MILK.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU
DIDN'T TAKE IN THEM DAYS?

OH, LET ME SEE.
I DID MDMA,

ACID, GHB,
MAGIC MUSHROOMS,

GLUE, MESCALINE,

POPPERS, QUAALUDES,
ANGEL DUST.

YOU EVER SMOKED POT?

POT'S FOR PUSSIES.

WOW.
YOU'VE LIVED SOME LIFE,
GRANDMA.

CONSIDERING YOU'VE TAKEN
ALL THEM DRUGS,

YOU DON'T LOOK
TOO BAD ON IT.

I'M 28.

Narrator:
THE SCOUTING MOVEMENT
IS VERY POPULAR IN AMERICA,

THOUGH IT WAS STARTED IN
BRITAIN BY LORD BADEN-POWELL,

WHO WAS KEEN TO JUSTIFY
HIS HOBBY

OF SHARING A TENT
WITH YOUNG BOYS IN UNIFORM.

THIS SCOUT PACK
IS PLAYING HOST

TO RETIRED ASTRONAUT
BING GORDYN.

- ( beeps )
- One small step for man.

One giant leap
for Bing Gordyn!

Wow! I'm on the moon!

I'm on the goddamn moon!

And here you see
an overhead shot--

SO ONE DAY
YOU CAN ALL TELL
YOUR GRANDKIDS

THAT YOU MET BING GORDYN,
THE EIGHTTH MAN ON THE MOON.

THANK YOU, BING.
I'M SURE WE WILL.

OKAY, PACK,
DOES ANYONE HAVE
ANY QUESTIONS?

PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
PLEASE.

- NATHAN.
- HOW MANY PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON?

NINE MEN
HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON.

NO WOMEN.
I WAS THE EIGHTH.

- OKAY. UH...
- AND I'M ALSO THE ONLY MAN

WITH A MUSTACHE
TO HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON.

SO IN A WAY, I CAN SAY
I'M THE FIRST MAN
ON THE MOON

WHO HAD A MUSTACHE.

( giggles )
YOU'RE--

UH, YES, BRADLEY.

HAVE YOU EVER MET
NEIL ARMSTRONG?

YEAH, I KNOW NEIL.

BUT, HE'S KIND OF A BORE,
YOU KNOW?

"I WAS THE FIRST MAN
ON THE MOON."

GET OVER IT.
MOVE ON.

YEAH,
YOU FREAKY-LOOKING BOY.

WHAT'S BUZZ ALDRIN
REALLY LIKE IN REAL LIFE?

- BITTER.
- IS HE?

YEAH, I ACTUALLY TRAINED
AT NASA WITH NEIL AND BUZZ

AND I WAS PASSED OVER
FOR THE FIRST MOON MISSION.

I'VE GOTTEN OVER IT.

MAYBE I WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE FIRST MAN ON THE MOON

IF I'D GIVEN THE HEAD
OF NASA A BLOWJOB.

( whispering )
OH, UH, THAT'S NOT REALLY
APPROPRIATE FOR HERE.

WELL, IT'S TRUE.

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NAME
OF THE THIRD MAN

ON THE APOLLO 11?

YEAH, I DO.
MICHAEL COLLINS.

RIGHT, RIGHT.
UH, WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

WHO CARES? HE DIDN'T EVEN
GET OUT OF THE FREAKING
SPACESHIP THING.

HE JUST SAT IN THERE
SCRATCHING HIS ASS.

I MEAN, I ACTUALLY
GOT OUT AND HAD A WALK
AROUND, OKAY?

NOW AS FAR AS I KNOW,
AND CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,

I'M THE ONLY GUY HERE
WHO'S DONE THAT.

HAVE YOU WALKED
ON THE MOON?

NO. HAVE YOU WALKED
ON THE MOON?

NO.
HAVE YOU--

ROLLED ON THE MOON?

NO. HANDS UP,
ANYONE HERE

WHO'S BEEN
TO THE MOON.

JUST ME.

GEORGE,
YOU HAVE A QUESTION.

HAVE YOU BEEN
TO ANY OTHER PLANETS?

( grunts )

FIRST OF, THE MOON
IS NOT A PLANET.

THAT'S WHY
IT'S CALLED THE MOON.

IT'S A MOON:
THE MOON.

SECOND, NO ONE
HAS BEEN TO ANY OTHER PLANET,

SO IT'S NOT LIKE
I'M NOT THE FIRST GUY
NOT TO DO THAT, OKAY?

THIRD, I WENT
TO THE MOON, OKAY?

I WENT THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY,
IT'S REAL BORING.

THERE'S NO TV,
NO STORES, NO RESTAURANTS.

YOU CAN'T EVEN GET
A DECENT CUP OF COFFEE.

THERE'S SHIT ALL THERE,
BUT I WENT TO THE MOON.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
BING GORDYN.

MOON.

NOW BEFORE YOU GO,

UH, WE WOULD LIKE
TO PRESENT YOU WITH
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

UH, GEORGE.

IN RECOGNITION OF YOUR
ACHIEVEMENT

IN SPACE EXPLORATION,

WEBSTER GROVE PACK 315
WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU

WITH THE CUB SCOUT
EXPLORER BADGE.

WOW.
WHAT A GREAT HONOR.

YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.

Narrator:
THE NUMBER-ONE PET
IN AMERICA TODAY

IS THE DOG, WHICH IS
VERY MUCH IN DEMAND

WITH THOSE WHO ENJOY
PICKING UP ANIMAL EXCREMENT.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT
CHILLY TODAY,

ISN'T IT,
MR. DOGGY?

( with deep voice )
OH, YES, MOMMY.

MAYBE MOMMY NEEDS
TO BUY MR. DOGGY

A LITTLE DOGGIE COAT

TO KEEP MR. DOGGY
NICE AND WARM.

( with deep voice )
OH, YES, MOMMY, THAT WOULD
BE WONDERFUL.

I DO LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

AND I LOVE YOU TOO,
MR. DOGGY.

( with deep voice )
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

EXCUSE ME?

( with deep voice )
I SAID, TAKE OFF
YOUR CLOTHES.

OH, NO, MR. DOGGY,

IT'S COLD.
AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED

TO TAKE YOUR CLOTHES
OFF IN PUBLIC

OR THEY'LL TAKE YOU AWAY
AND LOCK YOU UP.

( with deep voice )
I SAID TAKE 'EM OFF.

NOW LISTEN, MR. DOGGY,

MOMMY'S HAD QUITE ENOUGH
OF YOUR SILLY IDEAS.

YOU'RE GONNA GET
MOMMY INTO TROUBLE.

TAKE 'EM OFF!
NO!

( with deep voice )
IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU'D DO IT.

OH, WELL...

VERY QUICKLY THEN.

THIS IS AWFULLY
EMBARRASSING.

YOU HAPPY NOW?

( with deep voice )
NO. GO AND STAND
IN THE TRASH.

CERTAINLY NOT!

( with deep voice )
I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN.

IS THIS WHAT
YOU WANTED?

( with deep voice )
WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANYONE
WANT YOU TO DO THAT?

LADY, YOU'RE OUT
OF YOUR FUCKING MIND.

- BUT YOU SAID--
- GET OUT OF THE TRASH, PLEASE.

COME ON, LADY.

( whimpers )

OH, MY DOG!

( with deep voice )
I'M NOT WITH HER.
SHE'S ONE CRAZY BITCH.

( whimpers )

Narrator:
MORE AND MORE BRITISH PEOPLE

ARE SPENDING THEIR HOLIDAYS
IN AMERICA.

WE ENJOY THE FOOD,
THE WEATHER

AND THE FACT THAT THE DOLLAR
IS NOW WORTHLESS.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

40 GLORIOUS YEARS.

NICE HOTEL,
ISN'T IT?

FOOD'LL BE ALONG
ANY MINUTE, SO...

OH, HERE IT COMES.

OH NO, SOMEBODY ELSE'S.

NICE CUTLERY,
ISN'T IT?

40 YEARS!

40 YEARS OF THIS, EH?

OH, HERE IT COMES.

HELLO THERE.
THAT MUST BE YOURS.

AND PUTTING MINE
DOWN THERE, YEAH.

DON'T GO.

LOOKS VERY NICE,
IN'IT?

AND ALL THE FOOD'S BEEN NICE,
IN'IT, REALLY?

MIGHT HAVE A BIT
OF THE OLD BEEF.

PUTTING IT ON
THE FORK NOW

AND, UH, IN IT GOES.

BIT OF A PAUSE
THERE WHILE I CHEW.

THINK I MIGHT HAVE A BIT
OF THE OLD MASH NOW.

BIT OF THE
OLD MASHED POTATO.

PUTTING IT
ON THE OLD FORK,

USING THE KNIFE
TO BALANCE IT ON THE FORK

AND, UH, IN IT GOES.

SHORTER PAUSE
ON THAT OCCASION.

LESS NEED TO CHEW.

SO...

HELP ME OUT HERE,
YOU BORING OLD COW.

Narrator:
PEOPLE IN BRITAIN
LIKE TO KEEP FIT

BY TAKING LONG WALKS
AND REGULAR MASTURBATION,

WHEREAS IN AMERICA
PEOPLE LIKE TO ATTEND GYMS

LIKE THIS ONE.

INCREDIBLE
WORKOUT.

INCREDIBLE
WORKOUT.

SO DID YOU CLOSE
THE DEAL WITH THAT GIRL
LAST NIGHT?

WHICH ONE?

THE ONE YOU WERE WITH
LAST NIGHT.

- MO.
- THE ONE YOU SAYS
LOOKS LIKE GISELE.

OH, SHE'S EXACTLY
LIKE HER, MAN.

SHE'S BLACK
AND 4'6",

BUT PEOPLE ASK HER
IF SHE'S GISELE BUNDCHEN,
LIKE, ALL THE TIME.

NICE.

DOUBLE NICE.

SO THIS BLACK DWARF
GISELLE'S LOOKALIKE,
YOU GIVE IT TO HER?

OH SHE GOT IT.
SHE GOT IT GOOD.
I GAVE IT TO HER SO HARD.

I POUNDED HER, MAN.

POUNDED HER.

I POUNDED HER FOR LIKE
NEARLY A MINUTE.

I HAD SEX LAST MONTH.

ON YOUR OWN
OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

WITH A WOMAN.

I LOVE SEX
WITH A WOMAN.

IT'S ONE OF MY
FAVORITE KINDS.

ME TOO.
I GAVE IT TO HER.
I GAVE IT TO HER REAL GOOD.

SHE COULDN'T WALK
WHEN I WAS DONE WITH HER.

SHE'S THE ONE
IN THE WHEELCHAIR?

THAT'S THE ONE, YEAH.

MAN, SHE GOT IT.
SHE GOT IT GOOD.

I BENT HER OVER.
I WAS LIKE,

"CAN YOU TAKE THIS? YEAH.
CAN YOU TAKE THIS, BITCH?"

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?

UH, NOTHING.

WHAT ARE YOU,

A FAG?

NO.

HEY, MAN,
I'M GOING TO THE BEACH.

CAN YOU DO MY
BIKINI LINE?

SURE.

THAT GUY
IS STILL LOOKING.

FRUIT.

Narrator:
AND SO OUR CULTURAL EXCHANGE
IS AT AN END.

BUT WHAT
HAVE WE LEARNED?

WELL, THAT ALTHOUGH THE PEOPLE
OF OUR TWO GREAT NATIONS

HAVE MANY DIFFERENCES,

WE ALSO HAVE
MANY DIFFERENCES.

JOIN US NEXT TIME
WHEN WE'LL DO MORE FINDING OUT

ABOUT BRITAIN
AND AMERICA AND THAT.

AND WE'LL CARRY ON
LEARNING ABOUT ALL THAT

SORT OF STUFF
AND WHAT HAVE YOU.

GOODBYE.

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