All language subtitles for House.S01E03.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

[bell tower chimes]

I didn't sleep well last night

and I woke up with
a scratchy throat

and I just don't feel so good.

Um, a cough.
[clears throat]

Yeah, um, a bit
of an upset stomach too,

and I think I'm
running a fever.

I'm just--
worried I might be contagious.

[coughs]

Inventory.

Tomorrow, you know, I'm sure
I'll be feeling better by then.

Thanks Mr. Onabbi.

[exhales deeply]

I cannot believe
you just did that.

I--I really do
have a cough.

Oh, so you weren't
lying.

You'd be curled up in bed
with a bowl of chicken soup.

Even if you didn't have
a horny girl in your bed.

Yes.
Because I really do.

Hey, I really do
have a cough.

You also have
a little rash.

Hmmm.

Huh, I'm not sure
we should be kissing.

Oh!
That's okay.

'Cause I have almost no
interest in kissing you.

Perfect.
Good.

[laughs]

[bed springs squeaking]

[she moans]

[panting]

[she moans]

[she squeals]

[bed squeaking]

[crash]

[gasps]

[giggles]

Oh, Brandon.

Brandon?

I know I'm good
but come on.

Brandon!

Brandon,
Brandon.

Brandon!

Brandon!

[hospital paging]

[shallow breathing]

Why do you want me
to treat this guy?

Blood pressure's not responding
to IV fluids.

No. I didn't ask how you plan
to con me into treating him.

I asked you why you want
me to treat him.

He's sick, I care.
I'm pathetic.

There are about a billion
sick people on the planet.

Why this one?

Because this one's in our
emergency room.

Ah, so it's
a proximity issue.

If somebody was sick in
the third floor stairwell,

that's who we'd
be talking about.

Yes, I checked
the stairwell.

It's clear.

Okay, then.

Emergency room
guy it is.

Wait.
Why was that so easy?

You know why.

Blood pressure's not responding
to IV fluids?

Yeah.

That's just weird.

CBC was unremarkable.

Abdominal CT scan
didn't show anything.

So, people, differential
diagnosis.

What's wrong with her?

Him.
Him, her.
Does it matter?

Does anyone think it's
a testicular problem?

No.

So, Chase?
Yersinia infection?

No, you wouldn't get
the rash or cough.

What about arthritis?

Accompanying vasculitis
causes nerve damage--

No, it wouldn't cause the blood
pressure problems.

Allergy?

The kid's got abdominal pain.

Maybe calcinoid?
No, but then
you wouldn't get the--

Foreman. If you're gonna list
all the things it's not,

it might be quicker
to do it alphabetically.

Let's see now...
Absidia.

Excellent, it doesn't account
for any of the symptoms.

No condition accounts
for all these symptoms.

Oh, good!

'Cause I thought,
maybe he was sick.

But apparently,
he's not.

Who wants to do up
the discharge papers?

Okay, unless we control
the blood pressure,

he's gonna start circling
the drain

before we can figure out
what's wrong with him.

Treat him for sepsis.

Broad spectrum antibiotics.

I want a Cort stim test
and an echocardiogram.

[coughing]

You all right?

Yeah.

The Cort stim test will tell us
if your pituitary

and adrenal glands
are working properly.

His glands,
what does that mean?

We have a few theories
we're working on.

You mean,
you don't know.

Mindy.
I'm just saying,
if they knew,

they wouldn't be testing you,
they'd be treating you.

Yeah, well that's
the way it works.

First we find out
what it is

then we get you better.

You're half an hour late.

Busy caseload.

One case is not a load.

So how are we doing on
cotton swabs today?

If there's an acute
shortage, I can run home--

No, you couldn't.

Nice.

[phones ringing]

Hello, sick people
and their loved ones.

In the interest of saving time

and avoiding a lot
of boring chit-chat later,

I'm Doctor Gregory House.
You can call me Gregg.

I'm one of three doctors

staffing this clinic
this morning.

Short, sweet,
grab a file.

This ray of sunshine
is Doctor Lisa Cuddy.

Doctor Cuddy runs
this whole hospital,

so unfortunately she's much
too busy to deal with you.

I am a "board" certified
diagnostician with

a double specialty of infectious
disease and nephrology.

I'm also the only doctor

currently employed at this
clinic who's forced to be here

against his will.

That is true,
isn't it?

But not to worry,

because for most of you, this
job could be done by a monkey

with a bottle of Motrin.

Speaking of which,

if you're particularly
annoying,

you may see me reach for this.

This is Vicodin.

It's mine.
You can't have any.

And no, I do not have
a pain management problem,

I have a pain problem.

But who knows?
Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm too stoned to tell.

So, who wants me?

And who would rather wait
for one of the other two guys?

Okay, well, I'll be in exam room
one if you change your mind.

Jody Matthews?

Please accompany Dr. House
to exam room one.

Dr. Chase?

I'm not sure scaring
your boyfriend

is the best medicine
for him right now.

I know, I get stupid
when I'm scared.

Don't go rock climbing.

Look, I was wondering,
before this happened,

we were having sex.

What, you're--
you're wondering

if whatever he has, you
might have gotten it?

It's unlikely.

We ran a complete
STD panel, so--

No, I'm wondering if maybe
I did this to him.

I was kind of rough.

It was yellow.

It was?

It's not anymore.

Well, that's a shame.

I thought that might
be a problem,

so I brought you this.

Your mucus was pale goldenrod.

Last week, yes.

Should I be worried?

Oh, yes.
Very.

Really?

I thought I was okay now.

And yet, here you are.
What happened?

Paramedics took a week
to respond to your 911 call?

You're not a very nice
doctor, are you?

And you are very bad
at whatever it is you do.

You don't even know me.

I know you're
gonna get fired.

That's why you got
the new glasses.

That's why your teeth
are sparkly white.

You're getting the most
of your health insurance

while you still can.

I might be quitting.

If you were quitting
you'd have known that last week

when your snot was still
pale goldenrod.

You're getting fired.

I just don't like
being told what to do.

I can get you in for a full body
scan later this week.

Thanks.

It's gotta be viral.

We should start running Gels
and titers.

Maybe we should look
into the girlfriend's theory.

She thinks she rode
him to death.

[chuckles]
What'd you tell her?

I told her 22-year-old
men don't die of sex.

What'd you ask her?

What do you mean?

I mean, I hope you got
some specifics

on exactly what was going on.

If the girl thinks
it could kill you,

it's worth knowing about.

Have you ever
taken a life?

We should stop
the antibiotics.

It's too soon to say
they're not having an effect.

They're having an effect.

His BP's falling fast.

There's fluid
filling in his lungs.

His creatinine is rising.

His kidneys are shutting down.

Our treatment isn't
making him better.

It's killing him.

So, we had six symptoms
that didn't add up to anything.

Now we've got seven.

Who's excited?

I don't think it
complicates things.

The kidney failure
was caused by the antibiotics.

Maybe.

Typically, low blood pressure
and abdominal pain

means an infection.

An abdominal infection causes
sepsis, low blood pressure--

Except we checked
for abdominal infections.

I know but, what if it's
the other way around?

What if the low blood pressure's
causing the abdominal pain?

Viral heart infection.

The intestines aren't
getting enough blood

and the result
is belly pain.

I know it's not
the standard presentation.

It's a ten-million-to-one shot.

Thought that's what
we dealt with here.

It explains
the cardiomyopathy.

The pain, the low B.P.,
the fever.

You read the book.

Impressive.

It's a ludicrously long shot

that explains every
one of those symptoms.

Except for the cough
and the rash.

Should we just
erase those?

Anything can cause a rash?

Okay, cardiac infection.

Cameron, you thought allergy.

Chase, what was it?
You thought carcinoid?

And then there's hypothyroidism.

Could be...

Parasites.

And finally, sinus infection.

If you're gonna list all
the things it can't be,

you're gonna need more colors.

Cameron was right.

No condition explains
all these symptoms.

But orange and green
covers everything.

Orange and green?

Two conditions
contracted simultaneously?

Occam's Razor.

The simplest explanation
is always the best.

And you think one is
simpler than two?

Pretty sure it is, yeah.

Baby shows up.

Chase tells you that
two people exchanged fluids

to create this being.

I tell you that one stork

dropped the little tyke
off in a diaper.

You gonna go with the two
or the one?

I think your argument
is specious.

I think your tie is ugly.

Why is one simpler than two?

It's lower.
Lonelier.

Is it simpler?

Each one of these conditions
is about a thousand-to-one shot.

That means that any two of them
happening at the same time

is a million-to-one shot.

Chase says the cardiac infection
is a ten-million-to-one shot.

Which makes my idea
ten times better than yours.

Get a calculator.
Run the numbers.

We'll run the tests.
Tests take time.

Treatment's quicker.

Start the kid on Unasyn
for the sinus infection.

And...

What was orange?

Hypothyroidism.

My uncle has
hypothyroidism.

Not like this.

Intravenous levothyroxine
is an artificial thyroid

medication that should
take care of it.

The nurses are also gonna
start you on Unasyn.

It's a more targeted
antibiotic.

For the sinus infection?

Yes.
And the other stuff is
for something else entirely?

Bad luck, huh?
Don't worry.

He should be back
to ditching work in no time.

Brandon?

Hey, Mom.

We're his parents.
How's he doing?

Um, Brandon is--

Uh, mom?

Dad?

This is Mindy.

I was gonna bring her home
for Christmas, so--

We're engaged.

You tell the family
House's theory?

Two odd conditions striking
completely coincidentally

at the exact same time?

I didn't phrase it
quite that way.

They agree to treatment?

Of course they did.
We're doctors.

They believe whatever
we tell them.

So, is that our job?

House's puppets?

He comes up
with an insane idea

we get to pretend
it's not?

His insane ideas
are usually right.

We've been here
long enough to--

We've been here long enough
to have Stockholm syndrome.

What, because we
don't hate him?

He thinks outside the box.
Is that so evil?

He has no idea where
the box is!

If you guys think
he's right, go home, relax.

Just wait for the kid
to get all better.

I'm going to the lab to test
for viral infections.

Negative for Coxsackie B virus.

Seven down,
about 5,000 to go.

You really think we're gonna
come up with your mystery virus

just by running Gels
'til we guess it right?

No, I think we're
gonna do it

by standing around
watching other people work.

I'm waiting for
the Epstein-Bar virus.

She's weird, isn't she?

Bad idea.

What?

Bad idea.
You work with her.

Well, what did I say?

Is weird some new ghetto
euphemism for sexy?

Like bad is good?

And "phat" is good?

Then what the hell
does good mean?

Ghetto euphemism?

You don't think she's hot?

No.

Wow, well then,
you're brilliant.

And I am using brilliant
as a euphemism.

Obviously, the girl is hot.
I, you--

You're not talking about
her aesthetics.

You're talking about
if I want to jump her.

I don't.

Brilliant.

[beeping]

Your Epstein-Bar is ready.

What are you doing?

Level four.
No, I mean--

I know what you meant.

We're waiting.

My throat hurts.

So you said.

How long are we waiting?

Two minutes less than when you
asked me two minutes ago.

[door unlatches]

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Doctor Cuddy.

Nice to meet you.

Dr. Cuddy,
thanks for the consult.

His throat seems to have
some condition.

Say, ahh.

Aaahh.

He has a sore throat.

Of course.

Yes, why didn't I--

Because he said that...

it hurt and I should've
deduced that meant it was sore.

I was in a board meeting.

Patients come first, right?

Wouldn't want
to prescribe a lozenge

if there's any doubt about
its efficacy, huh?

You once asked me why
I think I'm always right.

And I realized
that you're right.

At least I think
you're right.

I don't really know,
now do I?

Hey, I'm here.

Go home.
Drink some hot tea.

Excellent counsel.

Negative on parvovirus B19.

I'm impressed.

Thank you,
I was born to run gels.

I meant about Chase.

What about Chase?

Well, the man has no
physical interest in you.

He has a completely
professional

relationship with you.

Respects you as a colleague
and a doctor.

And yet, he can't look at you
without thinking sex.

Because I asked what kind
of sex could kill you?

You now have total control over
your relationship with him.

So, a woman can't express
her interest in sex

without it being some
professional power play?

(House)
No.

If you look the way you do
and you say what you said,

you have to be aware
of the effect

that it's gonna
have on men.

Men should grow up.

Yeah, and dogs should
stop licking themselves.

It's not gonna happen.
What's going on?

Yeah, what are you
doing here?

Looking for you guys.

Why didn't you page us?

'Cause I knew you'd be here.

Who told him?
No one.

I assume you're trying to prove

my crazy, two-illness
theory wrong,

so obviously you're gonna
be in the lab.

You spin the urine?

Not yet.

Talk to me when you have.

What did you find out?

The kidney failure.

It's acute interstitial
nephritis.

I wonder if that's significant.

It means the antibiotics
didn't cause the kidney failure.

How'd you know?

Well, if you guys hadn't been so
busy trying to prove me wrong,

you might've checked in
on the poor kid.

You visited a patient?

I was sitting by his bed
all morning.

Just so he'd know someone
was there for him.

I looked in on him.
He's much better.

Ergo, the treatment's working.

Ergo, me right, you wrong.

Hey, I'm glad for the kid.

That smugness of yours
really is an attractive quality.

Thank you.

It was either that
or get my hair highlighted.

Smugness is easier
to maintain.

I get that you're not
a big believer

in the catching flies
with honey approach,

do you honestly think
you'll collect a jarful

by cleverly
taunting them?

Flies, no.
Doctors, sure!

If I said to Foreman, nice try,
it was a great guess but sorry,

what do you think he'd
be doing right now?

I think he'd be going home not
feeling like a piece of crap.

Exactly.

You want him to feel
like a piece of crap?

No, I don't want him
going home.

Doctor Foreman.

Still have the cough.

I'm feeling a lot
better though.

His fever is gone.
His rash is going away.

I see.

Is everything okay?

Just ordering some tests.

Absolutely nothing
to worry about.

[video game blips]

How much longer?

9:30...

I figure she was on the eighth
hole when I paged her.

You probably got
another half hour.

I ran a TSH T-3
and T-4.

The patient's negative
for hypothyroidism.

Not talking about you.

Well, the fact that
he's getting better

would indicate
the unreliability of the tests.

If I'm right and it's
a viral infection,

one of two things
always happen.

The patient dies or the
patient's immune system

fights off the invader.

What's with her?

Her leg hurts after
running six miles.

Who knows?
Could be anything.
He's getting better.

That doesn't prove
you're right.

That just proves
he's getting better.

It's not two illnesses.
It can't be two illnesses.

I am so glad
you work here.

If I'm right, the antibiotics
you've prescribed

could box his kidneys and liver

impeding his ability
to fight off the virus.

It could kill him.

Well, that certainly
would be a concern.

Fifty bucks?

Don't look away.

Space monkeys will be
all over you.

You wanna bet on
the patient's health?

You think that's bad luck?

You think that God
will smite him

because of our
insensitivity?

Well if God does,
you make a quick 50.

Go check his
white blood count.

If he's fighting off a virus
like you think,

it'll be way up.

Hey, Cuddy said you needed
a consult.

What's up?
I'm busy.

Oh!

Doh!

I was just being glib.

You haven't said anything.

No.

Before when I was
talking about

Brandon's girlfriend
thinking sex could kill you.

I was just making a joke
because I was uncomfortable.

Oh, I don't even
remember what you said.

I'm uncomfortable
about sex.

Well, we don't have
to talk about this.

Sex could kill you.

Do you know what the human
body goes through

when you have sex?

Pupils dilate.
Arteries constrict.

Core temperature rises.
Heart races.

Blood pressure
skyrockets.

Respiration becomes rapid
and shallow.

The brain fires bursts
of electrical impulses

from nowhere to nowhere.

Secretions spit
out of every gland.

And the muscles tense
and spasm

like you're lifting
three times your body weight.

It's violent.
It's ugly.

And it's messy.

And if God hadn't made it
unbelievably fun,

the human race would've
died out eons ago.

Men are lucky they can
only have one orgasm.

You know that women can have
an hour long orgasm?

Hey Foreman, what's up?

Hey, Foreman.

White cell count
isn't up, is it?

No.

We were both wrong.

White cell count is down.

Way down and dropping.

His immune system
is shot.

We need to get him
into a clean room.

(Chase)
Can you walk, Brandon?

Yeah.

(Chase)
Leave it off.

Okay.

(Chase)
'Cause we'll need
to leave the chair outside.

Thank you.
Where's April?

April?

Can you take
the chair, please?

Thank you.

I'll need to take your um--

your mask
and your robe too.

You might want to block your
ears for this.

It's quite loud.

Something's made him
immuno compromised.

His white blood cell
count is down,

which means his body
can't fight off infections.

If he gets sick,
he'll die.

Sick.
How sick?

(Foreman)
If he gets a cold,
he'll die.

[coughing]

Okay, I'm gonna push the needle
into your hip bone

and take some
of the marrow.

That's not so bad.

That was just
the anesthetic.

The core biopsy needle,
it's a bit bigger.

Hey, man,
take a deep breath.

This is gonna hurt
a lot.

[gasping]

The marrow makes
the blood cells.

We'll take a peek at it
under a microscope.

Maybe we find
a viral infection.

Maybe we find
some fibrosis.

Something to explain why
your blood count is so low.

One step closer to an answer.

If you don't find one,

I can't stay here forever.

(House)
The patient could've died.

The one with the pulled muscle?

Those symptoms are consistent

with a dozen other
conditions.

I'm entitled
to a consult.

You are not getting out
of clinic duty.

Come on, you've got 100 other
idiot doctors in this building

who go all warm and fuzzy
every time they pull

a toy car out of a nose.
You don't need me here.

No, I don't,
but working with people

actually makes you
a better doctor.

When did I sign up
for that course?

When did I give you
the impression that I care?

Working in this clinic
obviously instills

a deep sense of compassion.

I got your home number,
right?

In case anything comes up
at 3:00 in the morning.

It's not gonna work.

You know why?

Because this is fun.

You think of something
to make me miserable.

I think of something
to make you miserable.

It's a game and
I'm gonna win.

Because I got a head start.

You are already
miserable.

Um...
Is this important?

Uh, no.
Good.

What's with you and her?
Oh, don't.

You have a thing for her?

The only people
who can get to you--

No, there is not a thin line
between love and hate.

There is in fact
a great wall of China

with armed sentries
posted every twenty feet

between love and hate.

36 Vicodin.

And who's the patient?
I am.

You can't obtain--
Dr. Wilson is
the prescribing physician.

You will lie, cheat, and steal
to get what you want,

but you're incapable
of kissing a little ass?

Well, we all have
our limitations.

House, wrong bottle.

Do me a favor.

Take one of these, wait five
minutes for it to kick in,

then find Cuddy
and kiss her ass.

What was the kid's
first symptom?

You did the history
of his 800 symptoms.

Which one hit him first?

Uh, the cough.

[light piano music]

*

[hacking cough]

Gout.

Um, are we talking
about Brandon?

Gout?

Uric acid crystals
in the joints?

The symptoms are pain,
swelling,

redness, stiffness.

Not one of which do
I see on that board.

Because he doesn't have gout.

Every day, cells die.

And we survive because
the remaining cells divide

and replace the losses.

The Colchicine,
a gout medicine,

blocks mitosis and stops
cell division,

which will result
in abdominal pain, rash,

nausea, fever, kidney failure,
low blood pressure,

and will also mess
with the bone marrow.

But he doesn't have gout.

Why would he have gout
medication?

Because you guys
were right.

He didn't have two conditions
at the exact same time.

First, he got a cough.

Now because he's an idiot,
he went to a doctor.

In order to justify charging
200 dollars,

that doctor felt he should
actually do something.

Oops.
He wrote a prescription.

7,000 people die each year
from pharmacy screw-ups.

Not nearly as many die
from doctor screw-ups,

but still not something
they use

in their promotional materials.

The pharmacist gave
him gout medicine

instead of cough medicine.

And the only thing
it wouldn't do,

it would do absolutely nothing

to relieve his cough.

Occam's Razor.

The simplest explanation
is almost always

somebody screwed up.

But once he checked
into this hospital,

he was completely
in our control.

Our food, our pills,
our everything.

So even if you're right,
no more gout medication.

He'd either continue
to deteriorate,

or he would've
gotten better.

But he got better,
and then he got worse.

It doesn't fit.

It doesn't make sense.

Okay, two people
screwed up.

Not as simple as one, but...

He's resting.
He's--

I'm Doctor House.

I'm your son's physician.

Oh, you're the one
we haven't met yet.

You're the one
he hasn't met.

How can you treat someone
without meeting them?

It's easy if you don't
give a crap about it.

That's a good thing.

If emotions made you act
rationally,

they wouldn't be called
emotions, right?

That's why we have
this nice division of labor.

You hold his hand,
I get him better.

If I start tucking him
in at night,

well that's not
fair to you guys.

If you start
prescribing medicine,

well that's not fair to me.

So, what I want
to know is,

who stepped on
my side of the mat?

Who cared enough
to get stupid enough

to give him his
cough medicine?

When we checked in,
Doctor Foreman--

Tuesday,
he's getting better.

Wednesday, he's
getting sick again.

Somebody gave him his cough
medicine Wednesday.

Come on, nobody's
gonna be mad.

I just wanna know who
tried to kill the kid.

Doctor House,
maybe we should--

His throat was sore.

Page Doctor Occam, he's gonna
wanna hear about this.

I'm sorry.

He was coughing and I
just wanted to help him.
Aren't you a dear.

Where are the pills?

He took the last of them before
he was switched into that room.

They're all gone?

It was just cough medicine.

No it wasn't.
Where's the bottle?

We need to know exactly
what you put in this bottle.

We think it was Colchicine,
a gout medication.

If the prescription
said cough medicine,

that's what I dispensed!

The family is prepared
to waive liability.

We just need to know
what it was.

What dosage it was.
It was cough medicine.

Refill it.

He's gonna be okay.

You don't know that.

Does Brandon like
that quality in you?

You're a little
negative.

Things don't always work out
for the best.

It doesn't hurt
to hope they do.

No, not unless that makes
you figure

you can do whatever
you want.

Like give people
cough medicine.

This is cough medication.

It's what Brandon was
supposed to get.

They're small,
round and yellow.

Can you tell this man
what the pills

in your son's medicine
bottle actually looked like?

They were small,
round and yellow.

Exactly like this.

Those were the pills
that Brandon was taking.

Hey, I'm just a pharmacist

but I know what cough
medicine looks like, Doctor.

It was so perfect.

It was beautiful.

Beauty often seduces us
on the road to truth.

And triteness kicks
us in the nads.

So true.

This doesn't bother you?

That you were wrong?

I try to work
through the pain.

I was not wrong.

Everything I said
was true.

It fit.
It was elegant.

So, reality was wrong.

Reality is almost
always wrong.

The cough medicine
did something.

Aggravated the condition.

It's all over the place.

Must be in his blood.
What if it is his blood?

Lymphoma?

Unless you've
got something better.

We foolishly ruled out
Lymphoma

because his CT scan
showed no agnopathy,

CBC showed
a normal smear.

Bone marrow--
Screw the tests.

Do an exploratory laparotomy
and find out what's in there.

He has no blood pressure,
no immune system and no kidneys.

Surgery will kill him.

Yeah,
you're right.

Let's stick with
the wrong pill theory.

I'll schedule him
for surgery.

(Foreman)
Okay, Brandon, we're running
this tube through your heart

and into the pulmonary
arteries of your lung.

The sensors will give us
information we need

for the exploratory surgery
later this afternoon.

My fingers are numb.

Try not to move.

We're in
the right atrium.

Trying to catch the flow
through the tricuspid valve.

I think the catheter's
curling in the atrium.

I got it.

We're in the R.V. now.

Ectopy.

(Chase)
You must've irritated
the heart wall.

It'll calm down.

(Chase)
He can't tolerate
any cardiac arrhythmia.

Pull back.
He needs the surgery.

[heart monitor beeps]

Pressure's dropped.

[flat line tone]
You still with us,
Brandon?

Get the curtains.

Via!

[defibrillators charge]

Charging.

Clear!

[flat line tone]

[steady rhythm]

It's honest rhythm.

I got a pulse.

[sighs]

Yeah, but no
surgery today.

How you doing?

Okay.
Great.

I'm doing good too.

I get to knock off an hour
early today.

Know why?

'Cause I kissed my
boss's ass.

You ever do that?

I think she just said yes
because she wants

to reinforce that behavior.

Wants me to kiss a lot
of other peoples' ass.

Like she wants me
to kiss yours.

What would you want?

A doctor who holds your hand
while you die,

or a doctor who ignores you
while you get better?

I guess it would particularly
suck to have a doctor

who ignores you while you die.

I should go.

You think it's gonna
come out on its own?

Are we talking bigger
than a breadbasket?

'Cause, actually, it will
come out on its own.

Which for small stuff
is no problem.

It's wrapped up
in a nice soft package.

And plop. Big stuff,
you're gonna rip something.

Which, speaking medically,
is when the fun stops.
How did you--

We've been here half an hour.
You haven't sat down.

That tells me its location.

You haven't told
me what it is.

That tells me it's
humiliating.

You have a little birdie
carved under your arm.

That tells me you have a high
tolerance for humiliation.

So I figure
it's not hemorrhoids.

I've been a doctor 20 years.
You're not gonna surprise me.

It's an MP3 player.

Is it because of the size
or the shape?

Or is it
the pounding bass line?

What are we gonna do?

I'm gonna wait.

For what?

Okay, it's 3:00.
I'm off.

Would you tell Dr. Cuddy
there's a patient in exam room 2

needs her attention.

And the RIA wants her to check
for illegal downloads.

Brandon's not ready
for surgery.

Okay, well let's leave
it a couple weeks.

He should be feeling
better by then.

Oh, wait.
Which way does time go?

He crashed during prep.

He's also experiencing pain
in his fingers.

I think some bug may have
gotten into the clean room.

I think we should double
his dosage of GCSF

to temporarily boost
his white blood cell count.

Pain in his fingers.
Right.

Hi, again.

[sanitizer sprays]
He can't go in there.

Where's he going?

Hey, how you all doing?

Interesting fact.

Every seven years,
it's a whole new you.

Inspiring metaphor, huh?

Doctor House,
this is a clean room.

Yeah, I read the sign.

But cells of different organs
reproduce at different rates.

[groans loudly]

So, you need a new kidney
every three years.

A new stomach
lining every week.

This is why Colchicine
poisoning

causes all of these symptoms,
but not all at once.

(mom)
But we went to the pharmacy.
We saw the pills.

Colchicine does its damage
in a very specific order.

First of all, there's the pain
in the abdomen,

the rash, the fever, isn't
that what you got first?

Then the kidneys go.

Which is exactly
what happened to--

Brandon.

Right.

It screws up your
bone marrow.

And then neuropathy.
[groans loudly]

Painful tingling
in the fingers and toes.

What do you suppose happens
after that?

Hair loss.

The bad news is,

your special boy is doing drugs.

(Mindy)
No, he's not!

Ecstasy?
No.

Twice with Dan and Mike.

You know what they cut
that stuff with?

Apparently Colchicine.

Unless you ingested
the Colchicine

through your contact lens
solution or skin cream,

or some other drug
you're lying about.

I don't know how it happened.
I don't care how it happened.

It happened.

Start, um--

Brandon.

Lovely name.

Start Brandon on fab fragments.

And get him some Tylenol
for the hair I pulled out.

And get some air in here!

Make a note.
I should never doubt myself.

I think you'll
remember.

You know it wouldn't hurt you
to be wrong every now and then.

What, you don't
care about these people?

The Colchicine interferes
with the ability

of the heart muscle
to contract, pumping blood,

lowering your blood pressure.

The antibodies we're giving you

should neutralize
the Colchicine...

allowing your heart
to beat at its normal rate.

When will you know?

We know now.

Big weekend?

No, it's not for me.
I'm fully stocked.

Cuddy got you
doing inventory?

Nope, trying to solve
that kid's case.

The gout medicine O.D.?
Yeah.

The fact that I know
it's a gout medicine O.D.

would seem to indicate
the case is already solved.

Well, you'd be wrong.

What about the fact
that the kid is now,

I believe the technical term
is not sick.

You know how many forms
of Colchicine

there are on the market?

Stop it.

Neither do I.
But it's a lot.

Pills, powders, liquids,
IV fluids.

Somewhere at a party,
in his coffee, up his nose,

in his ears,
this kid had some.

So, you're not happy
with your ecstasy theory?

Said he used it twice.
People lie.

Yeah if you're
gonna lie it's--
You know what?

I'm not interested.
Not curious?

No, because I'm
well adjusted.

Right.

Temperature's normal.

I want cousin
Sharon there.

If we invite Sharon, we have
to invite all the cousins.

So what? My side of the family
doesn't need anything.

[laughs]
[coughing]

I don't suppose I can have
some of those cough pills, huh?

They're okay, right?
Yes,
you're doing great.

You should invite
Doctor House.

Will he come?

No, but he'll
send a gift.

I'll make sure
it's a good one.

There's a letter on the back
of these pills.

Your old pills
didn't have a letter on them?

No.

Round and yellow
but no letter.

Well, these will
help your cough.

Hey, you wanna
go get some--
No.

[Three Dog Night's One]

* One is the loneliest number

* that you'll ever do

* Two can be as bad as one

* It's the loneliest number

* since the number one *

Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com