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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,898 Previously on Young Sheldon... 2 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:02,997 I saw Connie 3 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,834 for the first time since I broke up with her, 4 00:00:04,837 --> 00:00:07,161 and it's making me wonder if she also 5 00:00:07,164 --> 00:00:11,441 is feeling lonely, and I made a bad decision for both of us. 6 00:00:11,443 --> 00:00:13,429 I hate to be the one to tell you this, John, 7 00:00:13,432 --> 00:00:15,679 but she's kind of been seeing someone new. 8 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,247 She seems to be doing okay. 9 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:20,773 Oh, I hope he gets lost at sea and never returns! 10 00:00:21,820 --> 00:00:24,220 I'm having a lot of feelings. 11 00:00:24,222 --> 00:00:26,195 - Hey. - Connie. 12 00:00:26,198 --> 00:00:29,425 I thought I'd just, uh... say "hi." 13 00:00:29,428 --> 00:00:31,934 Would it be awkward if I asked her to join us? 14 00:00:31,937 --> 00:00:34,565 Oh, couldn't be any more awkward. 15 00:00:37,469 --> 00:00:38,935 In many ways, 16 00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:42,270 a high school is like an academic house of horrors. 17 00:00:43,175 --> 00:00:44,774 There's the cafeteria, 18 00:00:44,776 --> 00:00:46,276 which when even freshly cleaned, 19 00:00:46,278 --> 00:00:50,453 maintains a subtle aroma of tater tots and throw-up. 20 00:00:50,456 --> 00:00:52,615 The schoolyard, where one is exposed 21 00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:55,840 to bullying by delinquents and attacks from above 22 00:00:55,843 --> 00:00:57,934 by eye-pecking demons. 23 00:01:00,479 --> 00:01:03,326 But all of these pale in comparison 24 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:05,862 to the most horrific location of all. 25 00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:09,666 A place teeming with the sweat and secretions 26 00:01:09,668 --> 00:01:12,469 from hundreds of unwashed bodies. 27 00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:15,372 The swimming pool. 28 00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,551 Sorry, Sheldon. Water safety is a required 29 00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:19,275 part of your P.E. class. 30 00:01:19,277 --> 00:01:20,877 But other kids use that pool. 31 00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:23,847 It's basically a big bowl of teenager soup. 32 00:01:23,849 --> 00:01:26,750 It's out of my hands. It's a state requirement. 33 00:01:26,752 --> 00:01:30,168 If you don't like it, take it up with your congressman. 34 00:01:30,171 --> 00:01:31,421 I did. 35 00:01:31,423 --> 00:01:33,056 He won't return my calls. 36 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,427 Then I guess you're swimming tomorrow. 37 00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:47,091 Except for the laughter, the glowing eyes 38 00:01:47,093 --> 00:01:50,481 and the lightning, that's exactly how it happened. 39 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:08,421 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 40 00:02:09,515 --> 00:02:10,593 I'm a little nervous. 41 00:02:10,595 --> 00:02:12,504 You're the first ex-girlfriend 42 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,431 I've ever been friends with. 43 00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:17,192 And you're also my first ex-girlfriend. 44 00:02:17,195 --> 00:02:18,325 And that's because you... 45 00:02:18,328 --> 00:02:21,938 How about you just think of me as your friend? 46 00:02:21,940 --> 00:02:25,041 Okay. Yes, that's good. 47 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:27,543 So, I understand 48 00:02:27,546 --> 00:02:29,379 you're seeing someone new. 49 00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:32,115 Tell me everything. 50 00:02:32,117 --> 00:02:33,383 No! 51 00:02:33,385 --> 00:02:36,317 I assumed that, uh, as friends, 52 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,954 we could tell each other about our personal lives. 53 00:02:38,957 --> 00:02:42,132 Trust me, John, you-you don't want to hear about these things. 54 00:02:42,135 --> 00:02:43,992 Actually, I do. 55 00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:46,629 Your happiness is very important to me. 56 00:02:46,631 --> 00:02:48,731 Oh, what the hell. 57 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,733 His name is Dale. 58 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,429 He owns a sporting goods store. 59 00:02:52,432 --> 00:02:54,504 And we've only been out a few times, 60 00:02:54,506 --> 00:02:56,572 but so far, so good. 61 00:02:56,574 --> 00:02:58,411 Well, that sounds wonderful. 62 00:02:58,414 --> 00:02:59,742 Good for you. 63 00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,010 Thank you. 64 00:03:01,012 --> 00:03:02,578 Now, would you like to hear 65 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,347 about the women I'm dating? 66 00:03:04,349 --> 00:03:06,149 You're dating other women? 67 00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,419 Heavens, no. 68 00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:12,629 Come on, Jesus. This is for your birthday. Help me out. 69 00:03:12,632 --> 00:03:17,160 Boy, Sheldon is really worked up about this whole swimming thing. 70 00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:19,328 Don't you think he should learn for his own safety? 71 00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:22,070 You really think he's ever gonna go near a body of water? 72 00:03:22,073 --> 00:03:23,672 Yeah. It's only a matter of time 73 00:03:23,675 --> 00:03:25,409 before someone throws him in one. 74 00:03:25,412 --> 00:03:27,779 Well, break it to him gently. 75 00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:29,338 Wait... Me? 76 00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:32,375 Swimming's a sport, and you're a sports person. 77 00:03:32,377 --> 00:03:35,478 And he's a mama's boy, and you're his mama. 78 00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:38,881 How about we do it together? 79 00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:42,156 Fine, but you can't hang me out to dry. 80 00:03:42,159 --> 00:03:43,892 Of course not. 81 00:03:43,895 --> 00:03:46,262 We're a team. We're in this together, right? 82 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:47,632 You bet. 83 00:03:49,432 --> 00:03:51,578 She's gonna hang me out to dry. 84 00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:57,106 Observation is an important part 85 00:03:57,109 --> 00:03:59,035 of the scientific method. 86 00:03:59,037 --> 00:04:01,204 Darwin observed the finches, 87 00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:04,059 Jane Goodall observed the chimpanzees, 88 00:04:04,062 --> 00:04:05,575 and for some reason, 89 00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:09,046 Dr. Sturgis wanted to observe my meemaw's new suitor. 90 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,048 Couple days, so... 91 00:04:13,444 --> 00:04:15,545 Excuse me just for one second. 92 00:04:16,992 --> 00:04:19,422 Howdy. Can I help you? 93 00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:21,445 No, no, just browsing. 94 00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:22,639 Yeah, well, 95 00:04:22,642 --> 00:04:24,875 any particular sport you might need that for? 96 00:04:24,878 --> 00:04:27,095 Depends. What the heck is it? 97 00:04:27,098 --> 00:04:29,232 It's a cup. 98 00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:30,742 A cup? 99 00:04:30,745 --> 00:04:33,935 What kind of a cup has holes in it? 100 00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:37,640 Well, it protects your private parts. 101 00:04:37,642 --> 00:04:39,809 Oh. 102 00:04:39,811 --> 00:04:41,546 Well, I can see how 103 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,941 that might be useful. 104 00:04:42,944 --> 00:04:45,781 Well, this has been very informative. 105 00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:47,416 Thank you. 106 00:04:47,418 --> 00:04:49,585 You're welcome. 107 00:04:49,587 --> 00:04:51,287 You just, uh... 108 00:04:51,289 --> 00:04:53,570 If you have any more questions, you let me know. 109 00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:55,574 I certainly will. 110 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,098 All right. 111 00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:02,917 Georgie, I want you 112 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,028 to keep an eye on that weirdo over there. 113 00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:06,235 I know 114 00:05:06,237 --> 00:05:09,005 that weirdo. He used to date my meemaw. 115 00:05:09,007 --> 00:05:10,106 That guy? 116 00:05:10,108 --> 00:05:12,609 Yeah, he's, like, super smart. 117 00:05:16,414 --> 00:05:18,649 I'm not sure I believe you. 118 00:05:20,177 --> 00:05:21,877 Hey, Dr. Sturgis. 119 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,012 Hello! 120 00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,492 Wait. Uh-oh. 121 00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:26,355 Hello. 122 00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:29,425 I may have made a questionable, uh, decision 123 00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:31,261 regarding our friendship. 124 00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:33,896 What have you done, John? 125 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,918 I went to the sporting goods store 126 00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:38,125 to check out your new fella. 127 00:05:38,128 --> 00:05:39,628 Did you speak to him? 128 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:43,232 Oh, yes. In fact, he sold me an athletic supporter 129 00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:45,474 to protect my genitals. 130 00:05:45,476 --> 00:05:47,176 Good. 131 00:05:47,178 --> 00:05:50,713 You may want to be wearing that next time I see you. 132 00:05:50,715 --> 00:05:52,882 Okay. 133 00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:55,828 Shelly, 134 00:05:55,831 --> 00:05:57,960 can you turn the TV off for a second? 135 00:05:57,963 --> 00:05:59,335 But after this commercial break, 136 00:05:59,338 --> 00:06:01,390 Professor Proton is going to use a candle 137 00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,890 to suck a hard-boiled egg into a milk bottle. 138 00:06:03,893 --> 00:06:06,026 We'll make it quick. 139 00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:08,563 Go ahead. 140 00:06:08,566 --> 00:06:10,843 Your father has something to tell you. 141 00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:15,062 - Your mother wants you to swim. - George! 142 00:06:15,065 --> 00:06:16,264 Mom! 143 00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:18,135 Who's ready to suck eggs? 144 00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:32,688 That was the lamest tantrum I've ever seen. 145 00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:35,992 I'm being forced to swim tomorrow in P.E. 146 00:06:35,994 --> 00:06:37,664 Poor baby. You have to play in a pool 147 00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:39,343 instead of sit in a classroom. 148 00:06:39,346 --> 00:06:42,631 A pool of sweat, germs and dead skin cells. 149 00:06:42,634 --> 00:06:44,567 Still better than learning. 150 00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:46,632 Maybe it's time for me to run away from home 151 00:06:46,635 --> 00:06:48,668 and join a traveling math club. 152 00:06:48,671 --> 00:06:50,093 Just pretend to be sick. 153 00:06:50,096 --> 00:06:53,041 But that would be lying. I'm not a liar. 154 00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:55,244 Well, you better be a swimmer. 155 00:06:55,246 --> 00:06:57,079 Or a drowner. 156 00:07:07,058 --> 00:07:08,291 Ugh! 157 00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:10,726 Why don't you like me? 158 00:07:10,728 --> 00:07:12,862 You're full of bacteria. 159 00:07:12,864 --> 00:07:17,067 So are you, but you don't hear me saying, "Ugh." It's rude. 160 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,535 Look, I may just be pool water, 161 00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:22,204 but I still have feelings. 162 00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:23,639 Sorry, water. 163 00:07:23,641 --> 00:07:24,907 Come on. 164 00:07:24,909 --> 00:07:27,343 My pH level is 7.4, 165 00:07:27,345 --> 00:07:29,590 and with three parts per million of chlorine, 166 00:07:29,593 --> 00:07:31,647 I'm cleaner than your daddy's plate 167 00:07:31,649 --> 00:07:33,168 after Thanksgiving dinner. 168 00:07:33,171 --> 00:07:35,251 Wow. That's pretty clean. 169 00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:38,707 Look how clear I am, Sheldon. 170 00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:42,426 You can see all the way to the bottom. 171 00:07:43,661 --> 00:07:45,554 Closer. 172 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,953 A little closer. 173 00:07:53,293 --> 00:07:55,327 A little closer. 174 00:07:58,259 --> 00:07:59,625 Gotcha! 175 00:07:59,628 --> 00:08:01,977 Pool monster! 176 00:08:03,848 --> 00:08:05,468 I don't feel well. 177 00:08:05,471 --> 00:08:07,426 What's wrong, baby? 178 00:08:07,429 --> 00:08:09,952 I don't know. I just feel awful. 179 00:08:09,954 --> 00:08:12,254 Well, there is something going around. 180 00:08:12,256 --> 00:08:14,606 Billy Sparks got some kind of bug. 181 00:08:14,609 --> 00:08:19,095 That is consistent with what I said. Good. 182 00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,097 You're staying home today. 183 00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,203 I'll go make you some tea. 184 00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:27,934 Welcome to the dark side. 185 00:08:35,156 --> 00:08:36,647 Mom says you're sick. 186 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:37,848 He's faking. 187 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,717 Really? 188 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:43,632 Why? You love school. 189 00:08:43,635 --> 00:08:45,134 Swim test. 190 00:08:45,137 --> 00:08:46,789 Oh, sure. You would die. 191 00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:48,225 If you're gonna do this, 192 00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:49,726 let me give you some pointers. 193 00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:51,662 You've done this before? 194 00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,196 Tell him. 195 00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,731 Oh, he's the master. 196 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:56,800 He coached me through my last two... 197 00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:59,202 sore throats. 198 00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:01,367 I slept on the couch during those. 199 00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:02,669 I know. 200 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:03,929 First of all, 201 00:09:03,932 --> 00:09:06,543 you got to cough even when Mom's not in the room. 202 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,744 Got it. 203 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:12,049 And don't put the thermometer in the tea. 204 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,551 114 fever is a giveaway. 205 00:09:14,553 --> 00:09:16,820 - Smart. - Told you. 206 00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:18,922 Oh, don't be afraid to let her look in your throat. 207 00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,524 She's checking to see if it's red, 208 00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:21,925 but it's always red. 209 00:09:21,927 --> 00:09:23,489 You are good. 210 00:09:23,492 --> 00:09:26,064 Here, try spitting up a little phlegm. 211 00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:35,172 We got work to do. 212 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,407 I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow. 213 00:09:37,409 --> 00:09:39,976 And you can send any homework that he needs to do 214 00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:41,344 with his brother. 215 00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:42,480 Thank you. 216 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,850 Doesn't this all seem a little convenient? 217 00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:48,719 You think he's faking it? 218 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,418 Today's the swim test. 219 00:09:50,421 --> 00:09:53,000 It's pretty suspicious. 220 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,892 Sheldon just coughed up something gross in a tissue. 221 00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:56,993 See? 222 00:09:56,995 --> 00:09:59,096 And that's why he's staying home. 223 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,598 Mary, come on. 224 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,800 No, I am not changing my mind. My little boy 225 00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:05,503 is not a liar. 226 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,437 Connie Tucker? 227 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,009 - Yeah. - Here you go. 228 00:10:13,011 --> 00:10:15,406 - Well, thank you. - You're welcome. 229 00:10:15,409 --> 00:10:16,876 Hmm. 230 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,304 "I overstepped 231 00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:24,988 the bounds of friendship. 232 00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:26,453 Sorry. 233 00:10:26,456 --> 00:10:29,358 John." 234 00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:30,527 Hello? 235 00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:32,362 So, why in the hell would your ex-boyfriend 236 00:10:32,364 --> 00:10:34,565 send me a giant cookie? 237 00:10:35,413 --> 00:10:37,554 _ 238 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:41,781 My little boy is not a liar. 239 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,808 My little boy is not a liar. 240 00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:48,007 You don't have a temperature. 241 00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:50,679 That's good. You want to get comfy on the couch 242 00:10:50,682 --> 00:10:52,717 and watch your Star Trek tapes? 243 00:10:53,752 --> 00:10:56,052 No, thank you. 244 00:10:56,054 --> 00:10:59,090 I know what'll make you feel better. 245 00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:03,160 ♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪ 246 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,403 ♪ Little ball of fur ♪ 247 00:11:05,406 --> 00:11:07,697 ♪ Happy kitty ♪ 248 00:11:07,699 --> 00:11:09,065 ♪ Sleepy kitty ♪ 249 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:12,102 ♪ Purr, purr, purr ♪ 250 00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:14,989 ♪ Soft liar, warm liar ♪ 251 00:11:14,992 --> 00:11:18,039 ♪ Little ball of fib ♪ 252 00:11:18,042 --> 00:11:21,143 ♪ Happy liar, sleepy liar ♪ 253 00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:24,315 ♪ Fib, fib, fib. ♪ 254 00:11:26,242 --> 00:11:27,584 Feel better? 255 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,054 Uh-uh. 256 00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:34,257 Really? 257 00:11:34,259 --> 00:11:35,892 Cooper's out sick? 258 00:11:35,894 --> 00:11:37,227 What a baby. 259 00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:40,030 Really? Cooper's out sick? 260 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,531 Oh, baby! 261 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,233 Hallelujah! 262 00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:46,002 Happy birthday to me. 263 00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:48,772 Shelly, I'm gonna run 264 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,942 to the grocery store real quick so I can make you some soup. 265 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,093 Okay. 266 00:11:54,096 --> 00:11:56,934 I had lied to my mother and gotten away with it. 267 00:11:56,937 --> 00:11:59,650 The guilt was more than I could take. 268 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,382 I had to make this right. 269 00:12:03,385 --> 00:12:06,722 I could confess and break my mother's heart, 270 00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:09,993 or I could turn my lie into the truth 271 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,796 and actually get myself sick. 272 00:12:12,831 --> 00:12:14,564 Hi, Sheldon. 273 00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:17,000 Hello, Billy. I hear you're not feeling well. 274 00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:18,781 I'm not. I have a cold. 275 00:12:18,784 --> 00:12:20,736 That's too bad. 276 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,406 Put her there. 277 00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:25,408 Why? 278 00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:27,007 Just shake my hand, Billy. 279 00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:29,360 But my mom says that's how germs get spread. 280 00:12:29,363 --> 00:12:30,567 - I know. - You do? 281 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:32,349 When did you talk to my mom? 282 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:33,517 Just, eh... 283 00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:38,121 Ugh! 284 00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:39,724 Wait, want to play? 285 00:12:40,649 --> 00:12:42,414 Aw. 286 00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:50,921 Ooh, is that for your patient? 287 00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:51,922 Yes. 288 00:12:51,924 --> 00:12:53,624 He's still under the weather. 289 00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:55,559 Oh, that's too bad. 290 00:12:55,561 --> 00:12:57,494 Running a fever? 291 00:12:57,496 --> 00:12:58,960 No. 292 00:12:58,963 --> 00:13:00,329 Sniffly nose? 293 00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:02,214 No. 294 00:13:02,217 --> 00:13:03,483 But he couldn't even 295 00:13:03,486 --> 00:13:05,769 bring himself to watch his Star Trek show. 296 00:13:05,771 --> 00:13:07,920 Oh, dear. I better go call an ambulance. 297 00:13:07,923 --> 00:13:09,155 You're not funny. 298 00:13:09,158 --> 00:13:10,892 And he ain't sick. 299 00:13:14,113 --> 00:13:16,480 - Cheers. - Cheers. 300 00:13:16,482 --> 00:13:18,348 Mm. 301 00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:20,851 Now, don't fill up on those. 302 00:13:20,853 --> 00:13:23,443 We still got two giant cookies to finish. 303 00:13:23,446 --> 00:13:25,847 I'm sorry about all that stuff with John. 304 00:13:25,850 --> 00:13:28,121 I... He means well, but sometimes 305 00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:31,028 he can just be, uh... a little quirky. 306 00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,863 Yeah, I kind of figured that; yeah, I watched him 307 00:13:32,865 --> 00:13:35,175 play ping-pong with his own crotch. 308 00:13:35,178 --> 00:13:38,669 I don't know what that is, but I'm sure he did it. 309 00:13:38,671 --> 00:13:40,537 Well, I mean, how'd you meet this guy? 310 00:13:40,539 --> 00:13:42,606 What, did you try to steal his pot of gold 311 00:13:42,608 --> 00:13:43,941 at the end of the rainbow? 312 00:13:43,943 --> 00:13:47,389 Okay, okay, he's a very sweet man. 313 00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:48,952 Well, I bet he is. 314 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,449 If you must know, 315 00:13:52,451 --> 00:13:55,152 he's Sheldon's college professor. 316 00:13:55,154 --> 00:13:57,254 Smart, short and weird... 317 00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:58,589 well, that's the whole package 318 00:13:58,591 --> 00:14:00,257 - right there. - Hey, okay, 319 00:14:00,259 --> 00:14:01,559 that's enough. 320 00:14:03,213 --> 00:14:05,113 Well, I got to ask. 321 00:14:05,116 --> 00:14:07,550 Do you feel like you're dating 322 00:14:07,553 --> 00:14:10,038 a supermodel right now? 323 00:14:15,337 --> 00:14:17,545 You didn't touch your soup, baby. 324 00:14:18,577 --> 00:14:20,310 I'm not hungry. 325 00:14:20,312 --> 00:14:21,879 You aren't feelin' any better? 326 00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,283 Well, it'll be in the fridge 327 00:14:26,285 --> 00:14:27,952 if you change your mind. 328 00:14:34,793 --> 00:14:36,493 Young man. 329 00:14:36,495 --> 00:14:38,062 Yes, you. 330 00:14:39,006 --> 00:14:40,731 Pretending to be sick. 331 00:14:40,733 --> 00:14:42,980 You should be ashamed of yourself! 332 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,061 But I was afraid to go in the pool. 333 00:14:45,064 --> 00:14:46,270 You are in a pool. 334 00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:48,217 A pool of your own deceit. 335 00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:50,566 If my mother were alive, 336 00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:53,377 I'd never lie to her. 337 00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:56,747 And I'd always eat her soup. 338 00:14:56,749 --> 00:14:58,815 My grandson's trying to steal home, 339 00:14:58,817 --> 00:15:01,425 and he trips and he falls and lands face-first 340 00:15:01,428 --> 00:15:04,503 on the plate, lost a tooth, we won the game. 341 00:15:04,506 --> 00:15:06,690 Get this. 342 00:15:06,692 --> 00:15:09,426 He finds the tooth two days later... 343 00:15:09,428 --> 00:15:12,262 when he goes to the bathroom. 344 00:15:17,285 --> 00:15:19,018 That's it? 345 00:15:19,021 --> 00:15:20,337 You don't understand. 346 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,371 He found the tooth... 347 00:15:21,373 --> 00:15:22,839 I got it. 348 00:15:22,841 --> 00:15:24,474 What's going on? You okay? 349 00:15:24,476 --> 00:15:25,876 Actually, no. 350 00:15:25,878 --> 00:15:28,745 I don't like the way you've been talkin' about John. 351 00:15:28,747 --> 00:15:31,315 I was kidding around. 352 00:15:31,317 --> 00:15:32,616 Well, it bothered me. 353 00:15:32,618 --> 00:15:34,284 Wait a minute, hold it, hold, hold, hold. 354 00:15:34,286 --> 00:15:37,888 Your weirdo ex comes sneaking around, checking me out, 355 00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,956 and all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy here? 356 00:15:39,958 --> 00:15:41,658 You don't get to call him a weirdo. 357 00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:43,288 You don't think he's a weirdo? 358 00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:44,394 Of course he's a weirdo. 359 00:15:44,396 --> 00:15:45,929 You just can't say it. 360 00:15:45,931 --> 00:15:48,967 Oh, I didn't think it was that big a deal. 361 00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,932 Well, it is. He and I 362 00:15:50,935 --> 00:15:53,160 are friends, and if you don't stop makin' fun of him, 363 00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:55,456 you and I are gonna have a problem. 364 00:15:55,459 --> 00:15:58,527 Are you saying that I'm being naughty, 365 00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:01,745 and you're threatening to punish me? 366 00:16:01,747 --> 00:16:04,948 'Cause I might like that. 367 00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:07,150 Uh-huh. 368 00:16:07,152 --> 00:16:09,821 See, you're tryin' to be mad at me and you can't. 369 00:16:11,913 --> 00:16:13,657 Now you are getting punished. 370 00:16:13,659 --> 00:16:14,926 Check, please! 371 00:16:17,383 --> 00:16:18,777 Mom. 372 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:20,397 Oh, baby. 373 00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,058 What are you doing out of bed? 374 00:16:22,061 --> 00:16:24,568 I don't need to be in bed. 375 00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,319 I'm not sick. 376 00:16:26,322 --> 00:16:27,371 What? 377 00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:29,239 I lied to you 378 00:16:29,241 --> 00:16:31,708 so that I wouldn't have to take the swim test. 379 00:16:31,710 --> 00:16:32,809 You lied? 380 00:16:32,811 --> 00:16:34,911 I feel terrible about it. 381 00:16:34,913 --> 00:16:37,681 Well, you should feel terrible. 382 00:16:37,684 --> 00:16:39,182 I trusted you. 383 00:16:39,184 --> 00:16:41,433 I'm sorry. It's just that I was so afraid 384 00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:42,972 to get in that pool, so I let Georgie 385 00:16:42,975 --> 00:16:44,276 and Missy teach me how to fake it. 386 00:16:44,278 --> 00:16:45,778 They said it was easy, but it's wasn't. 387 00:16:45,780 --> 00:16:47,124 It really wasn't. 388 00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:49,222 Georgie and Missy taught you how to do this? 389 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,595 I cannot tell a lie... they sure did! 390 00:16:51,597 --> 00:16:54,998 Okay, calm down. 391 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,801 Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. 392 00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:00,437 It's always wrong. 393 00:17:00,439 --> 00:17:03,974 But you made up for it by telling me the truth. 394 00:17:03,976 --> 00:17:05,542 So, you forgive me? 395 00:17:05,544 --> 00:17:07,043 I do, but... 396 00:17:07,045 --> 00:17:08,779 I need you to do me a favor. 397 00:17:08,781 --> 00:17:12,282 As far as your father is concerned, you were sick. 398 00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:13,517 Isn't that lying? 399 00:17:13,519 --> 00:17:15,252 Honestly? 400 00:17:15,254 --> 00:17:16,721 No. 401 00:17:19,075 --> 00:17:21,364 The following day, I returned to school. 402 00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:23,269 I had no choice but to fulfill 403 00:17:23,272 --> 00:17:24,903 my swimming requirement. 404 00:17:24,906 --> 00:17:26,223 Much like Batman, 405 00:17:26,226 --> 00:17:28,864 I suited up and faced my fears. 406 00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:32,144 Unlike Batman, I did it with a doggy-paddle 407 00:17:32,147 --> 00:17:34,281 across the shallow end of the pool. 408 00:17:34,283 --> 00:17:36,353 Uh, regarding pool sanitation, 409 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:37,851 it turned out I was right. 410 00:17:37,853 --> 00:17:39,689 It was teeming with germs. 411 00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,384 Only I was the one 412 00:17:41,387 --> 00:17:42,689 who put them there. 413 00:17:42,691 --> 00:17:43,757 As it happens, 414 00:17:43,759 --> 00:17:45,125 my interaction with Billy Sparks 415 00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:46,326 did get me sick. 416 00:17:46,328 --> 00:17:49,830 I, in turn, created a small epidemic 417 00:17:49,832 --> 00:17:53,278 taking down 128 students, 418 00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,794 four teachers... 419 00:17:54,797 --> 00:17:56,463 and one principal. 420 00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:57,870 It didn't stop there. 421 00:17:57,873 --> 00:18:00,192 I also infected my mother, 422 00:18:00,195 --> 00:18:01,461 father, 423 00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:02,596 sister, brother, 424 00:18:02,599 --> 00:18:03,723 Meemaw... 425 00:18:03,726 --> 00:18:05,794 and Meemaw's friend Dale. 426 00:18:05,797 --> 00:18:08,541 The newly established boundaries of friendship 427 00:18:08,544 --> 00:18:10,507 helped keep Dr. Sturgis healthy. 428 00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:12,611 However, in an unrelated incident, 429 00:18:12,614 --> 00:18:15,455 he crashed his bike into some garbage cans. 430 00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:19,020 Luckily, he landed on his recently acquired athletic cup. 431 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:22,224 That was a wise purchase. 432 00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:25,323 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 29081

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