Original subtitles

Snowball!

♪ I need some meat on my bones ♪

♪ Gonna get some meat on my bones ♪

♪ I need something for my soul ♪

♪ I need some meat on my bones ♪

♪ Brother, my brother ♪

[priest] Wille Andreasson was a dearly beloved man.

A man with good intentions.

A man who spread happiness and warmth.

Professionally, Wille was both proud and stubborn.

No one could break down a pig like Wille Andreasson.

The way he handled the saber saw and the knife was immaculate.

He was always eager to do a good day's work.

To Eko‐Gris, Wille was an exceptional asset.

And to Wille, his work and his colleagues at Eko‐Gris

meant more or less everything.

This is particularly true of his boss, AÅke,

to whom he was very close.

Wille was a great film buff.

And when he got to pick, he chose comedies.

Wille enjoyed a good laugh.

Wille enjoyed films,

but he also enjoyed listening to music.

Those of you who wish to say your final goodbye can do so now

while we play one of his favorite songs.

[upbeat music plays]

[bell tolling]

‐A beautiful speech. ‐Yeah.

The music felt a bit out of place...

but Wille was an odd character.

But you know that, right? You got to know him, didn't you,

in the short time you stayed with us?

Yes, he was a very kind man.

AÅke, do they know what happened, why he died?

No. Not the faintest idea.

We'll have to see what the police say.

I heard you two had a fight just days before he got killed.

That's enough!

I had nothing to do with his death!

‐But you had a fight. ‐Yes, he kept following me!

Peeped through my bedroom window like fucking Norman Bates.

Of course I got scared!

No need to scream! We're at a funeral,

so behave in a respectful manner!

[phone rings]

Right. Excuse me.

But maybe you do things differently on the other side of the water?

‐What's with the Dane? ‐Who knows?

By the way, I'd like to talk to you and the boys.

Could you bring them to the pizzeria? I'll buy you Hawaiian pizza and beers.

AÅke is treating us to Hawaiian pizza and beer!

They want to release it theatrically?

Yeah, just like in the good old days.

I didn't think they did that.

Cum‐Tiki is no ordinary porn flick.

[grunts]

It'll be the word around town.

That's what I'm afraid of.

I was thinking of a gala with VIPs and all that jazz.

Then you hit the stage while the audience cheers.

I can't show up at the cinema

and thank people for coming.

It's not possible.

Listen, you come up on stage to receive the credit you deserve.

‐When's it being shown? ‐Tonight.

Fuck!

‐Are you painting? ‐"It's cozy Saturday."

‐How was the funeral? ‐It was alright.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't come.

So now I'd like all of us to do something together.

[imitates gunshot]

Will you stop it? It's not funny.

Girls, today is not the best day.

I have some work at the office that I really need to finish.

‐We'll have to postpone it. ‐Can I come along?

‐No, you can't. ‐Sam and I could come along!

We won't bother you. Is that what you're afraid of?

‐Right, Sam? ‐Of course not.

Of course not. Hm?

Then that's decided.

But no is no.

I have stuff to do at work, stuff I need to focus on.

You need to accept that!

I need to talk to... Why don't you start?

Am I supposed to do it by myself?

Shitty table.

Is there something you want to talk about?

I just got back from a funeral.

I'm not in a great mood, darling.

But why don't you want us to come?

It feels like there's something you're trying to hide.

I don't have anything to hide!

I just need some peace and quiet!

To do my work. So that I can...

focus, you know.

Is that too much to ask for?

Maybe you have a pretty assistant you don't want me to meet?

There's no cute, sexy assistant...

or any other kinky stuff.

Apart from my job.

My new job that I would like to do...

as well as I possibly can. I love this job.

Just like I love you

and my family.

But I can't do it all at once!

I need to keep these things apart!

Is that so mysterious?

Or is it politically incorrect? Like everything else in this sermonizing country

with all its lecturing and pointing out errors.

"Karsten, you can't do that!"

It makes me want to stick that preaching finger up its ass!

For fuck's sake, Jonna.

I'm a film director, right?

[sighs]

‐You know what I mean? ‐Sure.

Of course you're allowed to separate work and family.

So go back to your fucking job.

And do what the fuck you need to do.

But come back to your fucking family and give me a good fuck.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure you'll have a cozy night.

No, we'll save it for another time.

OK.

Alright. What do you say?

Are we good?

OK. Bye.

Do you remember how drunk he got on Midsummer's Eve?

He was absolutely shit‐faced.

"The little pigs, the little pigs." And he was dancing about...

"How many fingers, Wille?" "Six."

[laughter]

You all miss Wille, don't you?

‐So goddamn much. ‐He was a great guy.

It's repulsive. Awful.

It just doesn't make any sense!

Yeah, Wille is not the kind of guy somebody would murder.

Something is fishy.

What would you do if you found out who the killer is?

Shoot him in the neck.

I would pull off his skin first. Then shoot him in the neck.

Hm? [muttering]

You mean you would skin him?

Yes, I would skin him first.

Then I'd roll the body in salt and shoot him in the neck.

You would salt down Wille's killer?

‐Yes, in coarse salt. ‐Roll him in salt?

‐Won't he die when you skin him? ‐Slowly, you know.

Some sugar on top and we could basically eat the bastard.

Can I just ask you one thing?

And I want the answer to come from your heart.

Would you help me find Wille's killer?

‐Yes. ‐Of course.

Absolutely.

You would like to avenge his death?

‐Avenge? ‐Yes, avenge.

Yeah.

Then listen up.

Which one? This one or this one?

It's the same.

‐Guys? ‐Black.

Alright, so what happens after we've seen Cum‐Tiki?

Then there's an afterparty. In the studio with some friends.

‐No one knows I'm Topper Harley? ‐"Who's Topper Harley?"

"Topper Harley is a myth." That's even better.

Oh, la, la, la, la! Somebody's ready to party!

‐Guess who's gonna get laid tonight! ‐I'll try my best.

Hi, baby doll. [kisses]

I think I'll wear this one.

Well, maestro, no premiere for you?

Nothing glamorous to wear? Must be something in that closet of yours.

‐Oh, fuck you, Georgina. ‐Boys...

‐But you're coming, right? ‐Of course!

No one knows who I am, so here we go.

Fuck it! I'm going black.

Once you go black, you never go back.

[528] ♪ Bow down your head like karate ♪

Coming?

♪ Go down, down low on my body ♪

♪ This is your lucky night ♪

♪ Tonight, yeah ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I see you've got your black belt on ♪

♪ Bow down your head like karate ♪

♪ Go down, down low on my body ♪

♪ Call me your lucky strike tonight ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

‐Are you OK? ‐Yeah.

‐I'm a bit nervous. ‐It'll be fine.

‐Don't be nervous. ‐Yeah.

‐OK? Let's do this. ‐OK, yeah.

‐Vinny! ‐Hey, Stef!

I saw a clip and it looks great...

[applause]

Good evening! Hi! Uh... I might as well take this in English

because I know there's a lot of people from both near and far in the audience.

My name is Vincent Fontana and I'm the producer of the film you're gonna see tonight.

It's a historic and unique screening of a film by Topper Harley, Cum‐Tiki.

[cheering]

When I say historic and unique,

I mean it in the sense that this is a reboot of adult cinema, OK?

We have to go back to the '80s for when it was kosher to screen porn in major cinemas.

But me and my crew, my comrades in the studio,

we're gonna make sure that we'll change that, OK?

Topper Harley's Cum‐Tiki

is gonna set a new standard for erotic films.

‐Alright? OK! ‐[cheering]

‐I hope you enjoy the film! ‐[cheering]

Excuse me! Excuse me! I'm John Kennedy from ABN.

I'm curious if it's gonna be possible to interview Topper Harley after the screening.

Well, uh...

Who is Topper Harley? I want to kiss him!

‐Me too! ‐Alright...

I want to have his child!

‐I want to carry his child! ‐Me too!

Oh, shit. OK...

I can feel there's a lot of love here for Topper Harley. That's one thing for sure, OK?

Alright, let's roll this film! Cock 'n' roll, motherfuckers!

[chanting] Topper! Topper! Topper!

What the fuck?

We love you, Topper!

‐What the fuck is going on? ‐No idea.

Karsten is here somewhere.

Fucking transsexual bastard!

What the fuck are you up to?

You know as well as I that I'm as much the director of this picture as Karsten.

Fuck, no. Karsten is Topper Harley. Not you.

Like he would have come up with the DP in the mermaid scene?

The DP is not even in the film. We told you!

Fine.

[chuckling]

Let's stick to seagulls and falling leaves.

You're not doing an interview.

You keep a very fucking low profile from now on. OK?

‐OK? ‐Shh!

‐You're so fucking fired. You know that? ‐Really?

Take a look around and see their faces.

I think we should really be discussing some pay raise.

[moaning]

[laughter]

[door opens]

‐So what do you think? ‐It's poetry, no?

No, it's not.

Yes, it is! OK...

‐I almost shed a tear. ‐Right.

‐What else has she done? ‐Don't know.

‐Did she work on Cum‐Tiki? ‐I don't think so.

But she's good!

‐And... the script. ‐It's amazing.

I'm sure it'll be a good movie.

Good?

‐How about fantastic? ‐Fantastic.

You know, by the time that that transition

from film to, um, to videotape...

That had already occurred when I got in the business,

and suddenly any jerk with a digital camera and, you know, an eightball of blow

could just, you know...

And it was always the same whatever they made, you know. "And we're fucking!"

And that's not porn. That's plumbing.

There has to be an element of eroticism.

There has to be that context, there has to be a story.

Um...

And, uh...

that's what I wanted to do with Cum‐Tiki.

So you are Topper Harley?

And you are a woman?

‐Hello. ‐Hi!

‐You never told me it was porn! ‐Got you!

‐It rocked! ‐Did you like it?

Karsten, enjoy this moment.

I know you're here incognito but this is your night.

‐Have you seen Georgina? ‐No.

‐Superb! ‐Thank you.

‐Amazing! ‐Cool.

No, I haven't seen her. I have no idea.

‐You haven't seen her? ‐No.

Can you imagine the movies we'll make?

‐Vinny... ‐Yes?

‐You're a good friend. ‐No, you are!

No, you are.

You are! You're a good friend.

‐Alright, I'll go ahead. ‐Are you on the Vespa?

Drive safe, cowboy! See you back at the ranch! OK.

‐Afterparty, anyone? ‐Yeah!

Alright! Let's cock 'n' roll, motherfuckers!

[cheering]

‐Petter, is everything OK? ‐Yeah, sure.

Great. Great, great, great.

[vehicle arrives]

[radio chatter]

‐Did you hear? ‐Yes.

Petter, come here!

In here, hurry up!

We're opening these boxes, right?

And we're throwing everything out!

Everything must go!

Turn on the water!

Hello, it's the police!

Hello?

I'll do it!

Is somebody here?

‐Hi. ‐I'm sorry for bothering you at this hour.

Sure.

‐Are you having a party? ‐Party? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a small party.

Could we have a look in here?

I'm not involved. I'm a film director.

I have nothing to do with that.

‐That? ‐I have nothing to do with it.

[coughing]

Sorry...

Not bad. You have your own baker.

Some party you're having.

I'm going to ask you a question. And think before you answer.

Have you seen this dog?

It's a poodle.

Snowball. It's about this big.

‐Are you looking for a dog? ‐That's correct.

It's the commissioner's dog.

It's been spotted in the area.

Snowball is two years and four months.

No, I haven't seen it.

‐[radio squawks] ‐We need to take this call.

‐Have a nice party. ‐Bye.

No, for fuck's sake!

Shit!

[whooping]

Yeah!

Let's party like it's 1999, folks!

Drinks on the house!

Yeah.

What the fuck?

[Vinny] No! No, no, no!

[528] ♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

Save everything you fucking can in there.

♪ If you cannot sing to her ♪

♪ That bird's not for you ♪

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ If you do not bleed for her ♪

♪ Let her fly anew ♪

♪ Pretty birds to fly freely ♪

♪ They are not for you to deal with ♪

♪ If you cannot see... ♪

[sighs] Yeah. OK, guys. There you have it.

♪ ...not to be held inside your nest ♪

♪ If you don't even climb the tree to greet it ♪

Fuck...

♪ Unfeather wings won't carry... ♪

Hello?

♪ ...our weight no more ♪

♪ Unfeather ♪

♪ Things don't matter ♪

♪ I'll wait no more ♪

What the hell!

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ If you cannot sing to her ♪

♪ That bird's not for you ♪

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ Honey, let that bird go ♪

♪ If you do not bleed for her... ♪

Fuck.

♪ Pretty birds to fly freely ♪

♪ They are not for you to deal with ♪

♪ If you cannot see what you're having ♪

♪ Pretty birds to be dearest ♪

♪ Not to be held inside your nest ♪

♪ If you don't even climb the tree to be there ♪

♪ Ahh‐ahh ♪

♪ Unfeather wings won't carry ♪

♪ I'll wait no more ♪

♪ Unfeather things don't matter ♪

♪ I'll wait no more ♪

♪ When we fly together, we fall ♪

♪ We fall into nothing at all ♪

♪ We fall into nothing at all ♪

♪ When we fly together, we fall ♪

♪ Fall into nothing at all ♪