Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,370
("Deck the Halls" playing)
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,305
Ho, ho, ho!
3
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:16,049
D'oh! Ho, ho!
4
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:18,118
♪ ♪
5
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:23,857
(caws)
6
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,927
And now to order
my Christmas gifts
7
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,328
with plenty of time.
8
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:48,882
(tires screech)
9
00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:55,489
Hmm. UPS tracking says
my packages just arrived.
10
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,391
All I have to do is look down.
11
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,260
D'ah!
12
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,129
Who could've done this? Who?
13
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,131
♪ Ding‐dong, merrily on high ♪
14
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,301
♪ In heaven the bellsare ringing ♪
15
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,603
♪ Ding‐dong, Bart is gonna die ♪
16
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,773
♪ His little neckI'm stringing. ♪
17
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,575
(sinister laughter)
18
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:15,943
Hmm. Needs tinsel
19
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:19,379
to reflect
the horror in Bart's eyes.
20
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,349
(doorbell rings)
21
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,552
Oh, a visitor. Coming.
22
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:30,457
Ahoy! Are there any lonely
lighthouse keepers abaft here?
23
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,793
(sighing): Oh, hello, Cassandra.
24
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,396
Surprise! I made you muffins.
25
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:38,031
You want to know a secret?
26
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,200
I used two sticks of butter.
27
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,636
Do you have any
deep dark secrets?
28
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,972
♪ ♪
29
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:47,207
(grunting)
30
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:50,243
(groaning)
31
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,451
Merry Christmas, Father!
32
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:58,952
(chuckles) Stay out of trouble.
33
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,420
(wind gusting)
34
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,193
Nope. No secrets.
35
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,261
So, have you ever
thought about children?
36
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:12,065
Missed me! Missed me!
Now you gotta kiss me!
37
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,533
(kissing)
38
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,537
Oh, if you'll excuse me,
39
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,474
my gimbals need
a good whale oiling.
40
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:21,475
‐Ta!
‐Oh,
41
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,243
you might get
some other visitors.
42
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,312
I mentioned you in town today.
43
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,749
You told people about me?
What did you tell them?! What?!
44
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,284
That you had kind eyes,
a beautiful voice,
45
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,753
and no wedding ring.
46
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,289
‐There he is!
‐(gasps)
47
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,525
I was a fool to let
my guard down with a woman
48
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,294
who runs a seaward‐aiming
Fresnel lens!
49
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:45,232
From hell's heart
I stab at thee!
50
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,135
Oh, my God. Just listen to that
mellifluous baritone.
51
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,803
He's perfect for the role.
52
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,705
Role? Role?
53
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,807
You're offering me
an acting job?
54
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:57,277
Yes! It's to play Santa Claus
at a small amusement park.
55
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:02,215
Oh, what the hell.
It is the lead. I'm in!
56
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,585
Dinner is served.
57
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,788
("Carol of the Bells" playing)
58
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,456
♪ ♪
59
00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,265
Hey, let's see
what's on your tag.
60
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,400
"Cadaver‐sniffing dog"?!
61
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:23,136
Ah, that's another job
I didn't get.
62
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,444
(tires screech)
63
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:33,547
It's gone.
My porch repair kit is gone!
64
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,717
(blowing forcefully)
65
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,489
(breathing heavily)
66
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,924
(engine running)
67
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,060
D'oh!
68
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,466
(grunting)
A little help!
69
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:53,667
(chuckling)
70
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,503
Another crafts project
gone out of hand?
71
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,372
‐Yes.
‐If you're not tied up tomorrow,
72
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,108
I took the day off from work.
73
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:04,911
I was thinking we could watch
an R‐rated movie.
74
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:09,249
Finally, the sexy story
of Tony Roma's ribs.
75
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:12,285
But tomorrow I promised the kids
I'd take them out of school.
76
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,254
It can be our family day.
77
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,355
Yawn.
78
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:16,790
We'll go to Santa's Village.
79
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,926
Oh, I hate that place.
It's so crowded at Christmas.
80
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,995
And the giant candy canes
are not real.
81
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,930
But they are electrified!
82
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,533
Well, we're going
and taking the kids.
83
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,703
Why couldn't that be me?
84
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:34,474
‐Homer!
‐Oh...
85
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:35,909
(horns honking)
86
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,615
♪ Baby shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
87
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,750
♪ Baby shark, doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
88
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,086
‐♪ Baby shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
‐Oh, God, I'm so sick of this.
89
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,388
‐Thing just keeps
going on and on.
‐♪ Baby shark, Mommy shark ♪
90
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,423
‐♪ Doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
‐I don't want to hear a shark
91
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,425
‐or "baby" or "doo" ever again.
‐♪ Mommy shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
92
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,427
‐♪ Mommy shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
‐Marge, you traitor!
93
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:57,197
‐It's so catchy.
‐♪ Mommy shark, Daddy shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
94
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:58,565
Oh, what the hell.
95
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,801
ALL: ♪ Daddy shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
96
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,936
♪ Daddy shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
97
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,104
♪ Daddy shark. ♪
98
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,173
Play this at my funeral!
99
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,280
(grinding)
100
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,315
Why do the low‐budget parks
we go to
101
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:18,318
have so many white trash idiots?
102
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,153
Oh! Boy, that's good.
103
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,855
Why? Why?
104
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,490
Well, I'm getting
right in line for Santa.
105
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,267
Eight hours to see
a fat lazy drunk‐o?
106
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,003
I came to this park
to get away from one.
107
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,539
Wow. Even Chanukah Hollow
is packed.
108
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,042
("I Have a Little Dreidel"
playing)
109
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,944
Check out the Dreidel Casino.
110
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,848
Come on, gimmel, gimmel, gimmel!
111
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,749
Ah, shin again!
112
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:50,951
I thought this would be
113
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,253
the one part of Judaism
I'm good at.
114
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,488
(chuckles)
115
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:56,556
(groans)
116
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,291
Typical.
117
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,728
The one ride is a stupid,
boring kiddie ride.
118
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,397
At least you get to have fun.
119
00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,636
(ominous music playing)
120
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,908
(cackling)
121
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,545
♪ It's a scary placein the world outside ♪
122
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:22,249
♪ Gnomes are watching you,so you'd best not cry ♪
123
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,417
♪ Don't display any fear,this we know ♪
124
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,253
♪ Yes, it's clear,all our eyes ♪
125
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,456
♪ Are watching you ♪
126
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:32,292
♪ It's a scary placein the world outside ♪
127
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:36,296
♪ Gnomes are watching you,so you'd best not cry ♪
128
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,432
♪ Don't display any fear,this we know, yes, it's clear ♪
129
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:43,737
♪ All our eyesare watching you. ♪
130
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:45,538
(camera clicks)
131
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,009
Hey, buddy, thanks
for saving me a spot.
132
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,311
Bart, you cut the bullies.
133
00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:52,779
(grunts)
134
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,448
In this situation,
we assign equal blame
135
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,350
to the cutter and the cuttee.
136
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,319
Let him go.
I don't want to get blood
137
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,620
on my Christmas sweater.
138
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,556
Oh, there's gonna be blood
on your sweater, all right.
139
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:06,092
I just said I didn't want that!
140
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,861
(grunting)
141
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:17,604
(humming)
142
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,339
(grinding)
143
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,280
Hello, young man.
144
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,049
Climb right up.
145
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,483
Santa?
Bartholomew Simpson.
146
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,552
‐You don't know me, but...
‐Oh, but I do.
147
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,855
Hello‐ho‐ho, Bart.
148
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:37,791
Sideshow Bob!
149
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,392
Merry Christmas.
150
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,462
(laughing maniacally)
151
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:45,899
(laughter continues)
152
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,001
He's in a good mood.
153
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,403
Yes. This is the year
I get the monkey.
154
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,571
I keep telling you,
155
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,374
a monkey is a huge
responsibility.
156
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:57,877
I'm raising a kid.
I think I can raise a monkey.
157
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,319
(thunder crackles)
158
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,388
(yelling)
159
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,057
So easy.
After all these years,
160
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,828
I get to watch the life drain
from your eye, your I...
161
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:18,131
I can't kill you!
162
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,734
‐Want to know why?
‐Mm, nah.
163
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,470
I am a trained method actor.
164
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,171
I inhabit my roles.
165
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,340
Like Daniel Day‐Lewis
in Phantom Thread.
166
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,509
Or Mike Myers
in The Love Guru.
167
00:08:29,576 --> 00:08:31,378
Why should I trust you?
168
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:34,347
Because I am utterly incapable
of stepping out of character.
169
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,683
I am Santa Claus.
170
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,718
The jolly old elf himself.
171
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,687
Ho, ho, ho.
172
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,689
MAN:
So can we get in to see you?
173
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:46,860
15‐minute break.
Santa's making presents.
174
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,195
Ooh...
175
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,432
(all groaning)
176
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,634
I'm telling you,
this is Sideshow Bob!
177
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,771
‐He tried to kill me!
‐Well?
178
00:08:57,837 --> 00:09:00,140
I am a card‐carrying
seasonal Santa.
179
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,143
Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732.
180
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,178
Hey, I was a mall Santa, too.
181
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,414
I still wear the belt.
182
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,783
Uh, if you're gonna spend
this much time with our Santa,
183
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,284
you have to pose for a photo.
184
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,353
Photos with Santa, $40.
185
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,288
Marge, just take one
with your phone!
186
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,790
‐Got it.
‐Run!
187
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,293
This will stop the jerks
who've been stealing packages
188
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,930
off my porch: a decoy with
an exploding dye marker inside.
189
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,299
You don't think you packed in
a little too much gunpowder?
190
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:29,469
Relax. I learned how to do this
from my Uncle Two Fingers.
191
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,973
Oh, my God.
You're the package thief?
192
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,242
(tires screech)
193
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,777
(feeble muttering)
194
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,146
Lenny. Who did this to you?
Can you say it?
195
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,648
‐Eh.
‐Can you whisper it?
196
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:44,284
‐Eh.
‐Can you write it
with your blood?
197
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,652
Ooh.
198
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,294
I'm a little worried
our Christmas packages
199
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,795
haven't arrived.
200
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,531
Marge, relax.
There's plenty of time.
201
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,267
It's 8:00 p. m. Christmas Eve!
202
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:06,139
Just sit back and watch
this Fox News yule log.
203
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,109
("Silent Night" playing)
204
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,747
We interrupt this yule logwith a special report.
205
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:17,050
Package delivery theftscontinue in Springfield.
206
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,252
Local manLeonard "Lenny" Leonard
207
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:23,323
had his jingle bell rungin a package deal gone boom.
208
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:26,392
Our only clue is these initials
next to the corpse.
209
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,428
He's not a corpse.
He's breathing.
210
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:32,398
‐I say he's a corpse.
‐(blows) And I say I'm not.
211
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,501
Uh... (scoffs)
you don't get a vote.
212
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,903
(gasps)
"S. B." is Sideshow Bob!
213
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,404
That's what he's up to.
214
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,340
He's stealing Christmas!
215
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,343
A fellow Santa
could not steal Christmas.
216
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:47,113
I know who this mysterious
"S. B." is.
217
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,985
Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier.
218
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:54,053
Uh, tell Scott Bakula,
Steve Ballmer
219
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,089
and Sandra Bullock
they're off the hook.
220
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,424
I should've been back
at NCIS: New Orleans
221
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,260
two hours ago.
222
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,262
Why don't you just
Quantum Leap there?
223
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,231
Why don't you learn
how to be a cop, fatso?
224
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,333
I loved it!
Mistaken identity!
225
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,871
I sold ten, ten season tickets
to the guys in my cell.
226
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:15,942
Everything we do is successful,
booyah!
227
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,650
♪ ♪
228
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,292
Santa's Village, please.
229
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,660
What do you want
to go there for?
230
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,495
(scoffs) I'm saving Christmas.
231
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:38,498
Every kid thinks they're
doing that this time of year.
232
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,733
And as for you, Santa's Village
is closed, I'm afraid.
233
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,102
If I wanted your life story,
I would've taken an Uber.
234
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,871
Well, that shuts me up.
235
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,773
I'm not gonna leave
236
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:48,408
till I find out
what Bob's up to.
237
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:50,443
If you don't hear from me
in one hour, call the police.
238
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,579
I have my own problems, Bart.
239
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,348
My mom just locked my dad outin the snow.
240
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,350
He keeps tapping at my window.
241
00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,119
She said if I open it,no presents.
242
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:02,322
‐Useless.
‐Don't hang up.
243
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:11,197
(laughs)
Classic evil villain mistake.
244
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,334
Life goals?!
245
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,002
Don't pooh‐pooh.
246
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,171
Now for God's sake,
how can I convince you
247
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,340
that I am not
going to kill you?!
248
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:24,143
Find the person
who stole the presents.
249
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,346
Very well. I shall begin
by clearing my initials,
250
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:30,450
catching the true "S. B."
and, if I must,
251
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,386
save Christmas for everyone.
252
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,355
Now let me drive you home.
253
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,524
You want me
to ride with you? Fine.
254
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,792
Shotgun!
255
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,495
Let's roll.
256
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,863
Shotgun means you pay the tolls.
257
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,170
So I'm here to save Christmas,
and here's my plan.
258
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,540
First, I conceal myself
within this box.
259
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:58,378
(all gasp)
260
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:01,014
Where'd you learn
how to do that?
261
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,616
When you ride cross‐country
in a clown car, you learn a lot.
262
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:07,287
(shuddering laugh)
263
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,322
‐(applause, cheering)
‐HOMER: Who knew?
264
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:10,623
‐Brava!
‐Who knew?
265
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:11,858
SIDESHOW BOB:
Thank you.
266
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:14,060
Now, Homer,
gently place me on the porch,
267
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,562
and when they steal me,
follow them to their lair.
268
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,231
Will do.
269
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,766
(both grunting)
270
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,136
(grunting continues)
271
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,472
Ah!
272
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,374
‐And... (grunts)
‐Ah!
273
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,743
Godspeed.
274
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,845
They'll be here any minute.
275
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,447
♪ ♪
276
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,500
(cameras clicking)
277
00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,639
(bells jingling)
278
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,643
(straining):
Can't breathe.
279
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,611
(breathing deeply)
280
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,189
ALL:
♪ Baby shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
281
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,725
♪ Baby shark,doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo ♪
282
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,360
♪ Baby shark, doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo‐doo. ♪
283
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,071
(gasps) Oh, my God, S. B. is
284
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,906
Smithers and Burns!
285
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,875
Since when does Smithers
go first?
286
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:36,943
The jig is up!
287
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,312
Also, leg cramp.
288
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,614
Ow.
289
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:43,516
The police are on their way.
290
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,519
Who will they believe?
You or the billionaire
291
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,489
who just sent them
a Montgomery Ward's cheese log?
292
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,458
Mr. Burns, why did you do this?
293
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,494
Ooh, general Scroogeyness.
294
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,497
No, it's deeper.
It's much deeper than that.
295
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,366
(gasps)
I think Mr. Burns is depressed.
296
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,302
Ooh, you're a very
perceptive girl.
297
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,204
(melancholy piano music plays)
298
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,572
‐That's close enough.
‐(music stops)
299
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,408
I just wanted everyone
to experience
300
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,711
the same Christmas heartbreak
that I once did.
301
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:15,615
♪ Good King Wenceslaslooked out ♪
302
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,417
♪ On the feast of Stephen. ♪
303
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:21,320
Papa, sweet Papa,
may I sit on Santa's lap?
304
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,089
Well, I don't know.
305
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,092
Santa Claus,
giving away free toys,
306
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:29,328
undercutting my friends,
Bill Mattel and Fred Hasbro.
307
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,230
Please?
308
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,636
(shouts)
309
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:39,639
Well, what's on your wish list,
little boy?
310
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,308
A Rockford sock monkey,
Studebaker pedal car,
311
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,344
or the most popular gift
this year, an orange.
312
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,980
All I want is a hug
from my mommy
313
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:49,816
and a smile from my daddy.
314
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,852
Oh, well I'm sure
there's a hug and a smile
315
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,422
on their way to you right now.
Ho, ho, ho.
316
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,090
Next.
317
00:15:58,157 --> 00:15:59,859
What do you want for Christmas?
318
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,428
I want you to marry my mom
like you said you would.
319
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,763
Next!
320
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,199
♪ ♪
321
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,374
BURNS:Christmas day came...
322
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:24,383
I'm here to take you
to boarding school.
323
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:27,386
‐On Christmas Day?
‐Hey, no traffic.
324
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:34,460
BURNS:The next time I saw my parents,they weren't in a smiling mood.
325
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,432
Too late!
326
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:43,102
You two never gave me anything
except $100 million.
327
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,504
Santa lied.
328
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,772
But, Monty,
you misunderstood me.
329
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,174
Ho, ho, ho.
330
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,276
Santa? It can't be.
331
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,079
Monty, it's 1935,
332
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:55,548
and this isGimbels Department Store,
333
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,550
with the toy trainin the window
334
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,919
and Maxie the elevator man.
335
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:02,255
You're lookingat the lingerie department.
336
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,524
You can look. It's okay.
337
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,192
(laughs)
338
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,362
Yes. Yes. Yes!
I am a child again.
339
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,364
And the truth is,
your parents did love you,
340
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:14,166
not with hugs and kisses,
but with something better‐‐
341
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,535
they made you strong.
342
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:18,104
Where are all the other tycoons
from your day?
343
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:21,874
Broke, dead, a lot of #MeToo.
344
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:25,711
But you're the richest,
most ruthless man in town,
345
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,347
thanks to your parents' love.
346
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,386
It's true.
347
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:34,921
Smithers, it's Christmas,
348
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,323
which is a work day for you,
so help me out.
349
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,493
‐And it's my birthday.
‐Don't expect two presents.
350
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,896
‐♪ Christmas ♪
‐♪ The snow's coming down ♪
351
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:47,266
‐♪ Christmas ♪
‐♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
352
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,235
♪ Christmas... ♪
353
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,904
My raisins came!
354
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,306
‐Mmm!
‐(sighs)
355
00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:54,707
Well, at least he's eating.
356
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,743
♪ Christmas... ♪
357
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,780
Huzzah for Mr. Burns!
358
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:03,049
God bless us, every one.
359
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,418
Seriously, this is,
this is really nice.
360
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,986
("Carol of the Bells" playing)
361
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,889
(yawns) We did it.
362
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,224
Got all the presents
under the tree.
363
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:15,828
I'm lucky because no one
could possibly steal my gift.
364
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,464
All I want
is one peaceful moment
365
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,967
to hold my wife in my arms.
366
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,635
Aw.
367
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:25,438
BART:
It's Christmas!
368
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:27,607
Awake already?
369
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:31,277
‐(chuckles) Slide whistle.
‐Kazoo!
370
00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,346
(all playing instruments)
371
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,850
(quietly):
Meet me in the basement.
372
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,485
Okay.
373
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,953
Picture time.
374
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,831
Janey, haven't you learnedthat silly tune yet?
375
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,300
You play it over and overagain. Now stop it, stop it!
376
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,502
That girl is pretty bad
at the piano.
377
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:57,803
(knock on door)
378
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,439
Ugh. Hello, Cassandra.
379
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:02,441
I brought you
a Christmas present.
380
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:05,378
(grumbling)
381
00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:08,447
I know who you are,
and I know what you've done,
382
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,516
and I want you to kiss me.
383
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:14,286
‐♪ You really should go ♪
‐♪ It's 20 below ♪
384
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:18,224
‐♪ I can't have you here ♪
‐♪ Just get me a beer ♪
385
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,527
‐♪ I'm being a gent ♪
‐♪ I'm giving consent ♪
386
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,463
♪ You are quite inviting ♪
387
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:27,366
♪ I will put it in writing ♪
388
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:32,738
BOTH:
♪ Baby, it's cold outside. ♪
389
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:37,510
(crashing)
390
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:41,347
Yarr. Will someone
turn on the damn light?!
391
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:44,283
A little late, don't you think?
392
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,818
Yarr!
393
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,290
Steve. Psst. Steve. Wait.
394
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:55,261
Sorry, I'm just about ready
to leave your wonderful town.
395
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:58,864
Great place. Fantastic!
396
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,435
The best Springfield
I've ever been in. Whoo!
397
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:03,703
Whoo‐hoo!
398
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,871
Can you teach me to do that?
399
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,707
Do what? This is just me.
400
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:12,144
Fantastic coffee!
Send a truckful to Seattle.
401
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,580
How can you possibly
be so happy?
402
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,783
‐It's in you, too.
‐I really don't think so.
403
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,785
Monty, look me in the eye.
404
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,854
I don't know if I can.
405
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:25,324
(neck cracks)
406
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,193
You're amazingly alive,
407
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,962
you're rich beyond
any sense of justice,
408
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:33,999
you're C. Montgomery Burns.
409
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,468
‐Whoo!
‐(weakly): Whoo.
410
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:39,105
‐(bones crack)
‐Ow! (groaning)
411
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,340
Hurt yourself
on the landing, huh?
412
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,209
No, on the way up.
413
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:30,489
Shh!
414
00:21:33,425 --> 00:21:35,394
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
30413
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
