All language subtitles for Squidbillies s02e14 Rebel with a Claus.eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,266 --> 00:00:05,893 Sweet. 2 00:00:05,934 --> 00:00:08,266 l always wanted one of them dunk hoops. 3 00:00:09,704 --> 00:00:11,797 Nothin' but net. 4 00:00:14,976 --> 00:00:16,841 That wasn't Billy's house, was it? 5 00:00:16,878 --> 00:00:18,778 - Recalculating. - Stupid GPS. 6 00:00:18,814 --> 00:00:21,339 l thought he looked a little large from up here. 7 00:00:21,383 --> 00:00:24,477 Apartment complex in point one miles. 8 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:26,510 OK, here we go. 9 00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:31,220 l think l blew out my rotator cuff. 10 00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:34,751 l'm gonna need a stretch of Jew houses soon. 11 00:00:34,796 --> 00:00:37,663 Descend immediately for milk and cookies. 12 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:42,536 This is big Crimson Daddy requesting emergency landing, over. 13 00:00:44,306 --> 00:00:46,103 Chocolate chip. 14 00:00:46,141 --> 00:00:48,871 Plastic cookie? lt's a trap! 15 00:00:50,378 --> 00:00:53,006 Well, well, if it ain't the ultimate Yankee. 16 00:00:53,048 --> 00:00:54,208 Please, l beg of you. 17 00:00:54,249 --> 00:00:56,615 You come here and take over all our businesses. 18 00:00:56,651 --> 00:00:59,051 l mean you no harm. l have a whole sleigh of toys. 19 00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:01,317 - Take whatever you want. - Hot damn, Daddy! 20 00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:03,221 Look, he got a Mr. Tato head over here. 21 00:01:03,258 --> 00:01:05,624 Yes, yes, Mr. Tato head. Take one, please. 22 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:09,096 lt ain't no Mr. Tater head we after, son. No, sir. 23 00:01:09,130 --> 00:01:11,496 - We ain't? - l don't know, is it? 24 00:01:11,533 --> 00:01:15,025 - lt is? What you talking about? - Don't ruin the damn plan! 25 00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:21,675 What's that, Ripper? 26 00:01:22,611 --> 00:01:26,012 No, no mistletoe this year. You know how that jealousy stuff is. 27 00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:28,538 Hush, Ripper, please. Shut up, l want to hear this. 28 00:01:28,583 --> 00:01:30,676 As you can see by the Santa Tracker... 29 00:01:30,719 --> 00:01:33,586 Jolly Saint Nick is passing through our area... 30 00:01:33,622 --> 00:01:35,613 so get those kids to... 31 00:01:36,725 --> 00:01:39,285 What is this? ls this right? 32 00:01:39,327 --> 00:01:42,660 l'm getting reports that... that Santa's gone down. 33 00:01:42,697 --> 00:01:46,030 - Oh, Lord! - Dear God, this is awful. 34 00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:48,535 We're gonna stay with you all night, folks. 35 00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:50,003 Dear God help us! 36 00:01:50,038 --> 00:01:52,063 Help us all at Christmas time! 37 00:01:52,107 --> 00:01:54,974 Check this out. A bony-fide eight-pointer. 38 00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,944 - l want to mount it on my toilet. - Rudolph! 39 00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:58,969 That way people will know it's for the mens. 40 00:01:59,014 --> 00:02:02,040 - You were so rare! - He's about to be medium rare. 41 00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:04,779 l love me some smoked venison. 42 00:02:11,726 --> 00:02:13,387 You're all insane! 43 00:02:13,995 --> 00:02:16,259 What could you possibly want from me? 44 00:02:16,298 --> 00:02:19,324 l think you know what l want, Santy Claus. 45 00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,358 Cuyler, it's impossible... 46 00:02:21,403 --> 00:02:24,236 l only ever asked you for one thing. 47 00:02:24,272 --> 00:02:25,705 l just... l can't do it. 48 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:29,267 Damn it, l've been a good boy! Now, how many damn years l gotta wait? 49 00:02:29,311 --> 00:02:31,541 l want me the greatest gift of all! 50 00:02:31,579 --> 00:02:34,912 l won't bring you the still beating heart of Jeff Gordon! 51 00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:37,350 All right? l've said it. 52 00:02:37,385 --> 00:02:42,254 Well, Nicholas, l'm disappointed. We'll do it this way. 53 00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,349 - Give me my straight razor. - No, please. 54 00:02:44,392 --> 00:02:47,190 - We don't have to go this way. - OK, OK, you right. 55 00:02:47,228 --> 00:02:48,217 Thank you. 56 00:02:48,263 --> 00:02:50,959 l'm thinking the rusty fish scaler instead. 57 00:02:50,999 --> 00:02:52,364 No, no! 58 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,994 No! No! 59 00:02:59,808 --> 00:03:02,106 - No, it's the beard! - Damn it! 60 00:03:02,143 --> 00:03:05,510 We will not negotiate with terrorists! 61 00:03:05,547 --> 00:03:07,913 The still beating heart of Jeff Gordon? 62 00:03:07,949 --> 00:03:11,077 What kind of twisted madman would want that? 63 00:03:11,119 --> 00:03:13,178 - Make it so. - But you just said... 64 00:03:13,221 --> 00:03:15,553 Damn it, make it so! 65 00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,584 l made it just so. 66 00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:20,150 A wooden heart. 67 00:03:20,195 --> 00:03:22,459 Filled with fruity jellybeans. 68 00:03:22,497 --> 00:03:24,795 Hell, l gotta be honest. lt don't surprise me. 69 00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,232 Not coming from Jeff Gordon. 70 00:03:26,267 --> 00:03:28,633 You have what you want. Now release our leader. 71 00:03:28,670 --> 00:03:33,767 - But, Daddy, he just said he made that. - Yes. l made it just so. 72 00:03:33,808 --> 00:03:35,275 - Scooter, run! - Santa? 73 00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,504 Damn it, it's a trap! 74 00:03:40,348 --> 00:03:42,339 We've lost him, sir. 75 00:03:43,318 --> 00:03:45,616 Dispatch the Silent Knights! 76 00:03:55,163 --> 00:03:58,223 You'd best hope them munchkins come through for you, boss. 77 00:03:58,266 --> 00:04:00,427 They pull another stunt like that... 78 00:04:00,468 --> 00:04:03,596 it's gonna be Buck Knife nipping at your damn nose. 79 00:04:04,406 --> 00:04:06,397 l'm gonna kill you all. 80 00:04:07,876 --> 00:04:11,642 Russell, keep an eye on him. l'm going outside to holler for a bit. 81 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,345 l'm wild! Hell, yeah! 82 00:04:16,117 --> 00:04:18,915 Damn, Daddy gets so crazy when Jeff Gordon win a race. 83 00:04:18,953 --> 00:04:20,648 l don't know what he's gonna do. 84 00:04:20,688 --> 00:04:24,419 We've had some good times, haven't we, Ralphie? Richie? 85 00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:26,654 l ain't supposed to be talking to you, Santa. 86 00:04:26,694 --> 00:04:31,893 Remember that Evel Knievel Snake River Canyon Jump Set? 87 00:04:31,933 --> 00:04:35,096 l remember how much you wanted that. 88 00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:39,573 - l don't remember getting that. - Right. Yeah. 89 00:04:39,607 --> 00:04:41,097 You would've loved it. 90 00:04:41,142 --> 00:04:44,111 Well, l got that chicky pox once. Was that from you? 91 00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:48,605 That was probably a... Probably a toilet seat gave you that. 92 00:04:48,650 --> 00:04:50,948 Actually, it wasn't so bad, really. 93 00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,180 l mean, once we drained the pus out. 94 00:04:53,221 --> 00:04:55,052 So, there's something. 95 00:04:56,124 --> 00:04:57,648 Come sit in my lap... 96 00:04:57,692 --> 00:05:00,388 and take the fishhooks from Santa's scrotum. 97 00:05:00,428 --> 00:05:03,022 There's really no need for that. 98 00:05:03,064 --> 00:05:05,828 l'm crazy! Crazy. 99 00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:08,700 Son, what the hell are you doing? 100 00:05:08,736 --> 00:05:10,897 He's with me now. l'm the decider. 101 00:05:10,939 --> 00:05:14,500 lf you ever want to see your son alive again, you'll do what l s-- 102 00:05:15,643 --> 00:05:16,803 How's that, fat man? 103 00:05:16,845 --> 00:05:20,337 We're gonna ventilate all that jelly out of that there belly. 104 00:05:20,381 --> 00:05:23,509 Early! You gotta remember the reason for the season. 105 00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:25,576 Sorry, Granny. 106 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,315 Who's naughty now? 107 00:05:28,523 --> 00:05:32,015 Damn, it's Johnny Law. You best play nice, fat man. 108 00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:36,463 Six, seven, eight, huh? Boy, that's well over the limit, ain't it, Early? 109 00:05:36,498 --> 00:05:38,466 Something l can help you with, Sheriff? 110 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,695 Well, we got reports that Santa's sleigh... 111 00:05:40,735 --> 00:05:42,828 went down somewhere over Dougal County. 112 00:05:42,871 --> 00:05:44,998 - That's horrible. - You heard anything... 113 00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:48,008 or, you know, seen anything unusual, Early? 114 00:05:48,042 --> 00:05:50,135 What'd it look like? 115 00:05:51,079 --> 00:05:52,842 Looks a lot like this one, actually. 116 00:05:52,881 --> 00:05:55,179 But it didn't have all them bullet holes in it. 117 00:05:55,216 --> 00:05:57,707 - Well, l'll keep my eyes peeled. - Help! Help! 118 00:05:57,752 --> 00:05:59,913 Get down and stay down like l done said! 119 00:06:00,421 --> 00:06:01,547 l can behave! 120 00:06:01,589 --> 00:06:04,558 l told you that Sheriff does not need to see you in there! 121 00:06:04,592 --> 00:06:06,583 - Who was that, Early? - ln-laws. 122 00:06:06,628 --> 00:06:09,995 Always beating theyselves up and screaming for help. 123 00:06:10,031 --> 00:06:13,159 - You know how it is, right? - l'm not married. 124 00:06:13,201 --> 00:06:16,898 But call me if you need anything. Well, that is, if you get a telephone. 125 00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:19,873 - Here's my card. - And here's my card. 126 00:06:19,908 --> 00:06:22,376 - Early, this is my card. - lt is now. Take care. 127 00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:24,810 - Have a good 'un. - Good-bye, Santy Claus! 128 00:06:24,846 --> 00:06:27,212 - l'll catch you on the flip. - Santa Claus?! 129 00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:29,910 - Rusty! Now! - Hey, Rusty! 130 00:06:29,951 --> 00:06:31,919 Come on. Come on, now, get down. 131 00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:35,950 Stay on the ground, boy. 132 00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:37,719 ls this freshly smoked? 133 00:06:37,759 --> 00:06:40,250 Hickory. Go on, take you some. 134 00:06:41,663 --> 00:06:44,962 What can l say? That's delicious. Thanks, Early. 135 00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:47,160 Merry Christmas to y'all. 136 00:06:48,069 --> 00:06:50,833 - Merry Christmas to you! - Merry Christmas, Sheriff! 137 00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:52,430 And a merry Christmas to you! 138 00:06:52,473 --> 00:06:54,100 Get back in there! Come on, git. 139 00:06:54,142 --> 00:06:58,101 The partridge is in the pear tree, sir. Repeat, the partridge is in the pear tree. 140 00:06:58,146 --> 00:07:02,810 You don't have to repeat that, Clarence. lt's fine. l understood the first time. 141 00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:04,647 Bring us the figgy pudding. 142 00:07:04,686 --> 00:07:07,211 l repeat, bring us the figgy pudding. 143 00:07:07,255 --> 00:07:09,416 You know, that's annoying. 144 00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:13,949 So, ho, ho. You like to smoke? 145 00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:18,996 Well, l smoke a pipe on occasion myself. 146 00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:23,202 Mrs. Claus doesn't care for it too much. 147 00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:25,502 That's crack cocaine, isn't it? 148 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,269 Yes, l should've known. 149 00:07:27,308 --> 00:07:29,333 Oh, the glass dick. 150 00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,979 - What the hell? - Look, Daddy, look! 151 00:07:33,014 --> 00:07:35,676 The Jesus baby's up there singing! 152 00:07:35,717 --> 00:07:39,551 % Felt its worth % 153 00:07:39,587 --> 00:07:44,183 % A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices... % 154 00:07:44,225 --> 00:07:45,783 l'll tell you what, son. 155 00:07:45,827 --> 00:07:48,557 You got to enjoy every Christmas you have, Rusty. 156 00:07:48,596 --> 00:07:51,497 You don't never know how many you gonna get. 157 00:07:51,532 --> 00:07:55,059 - l love you, Daddy. - And l love you, too, son. 158 00:07:55,103 --> 00:08:01,531 % Fall on your knees % 159 00:08:02,677 --> 00:08:05,009 l said fall on your knees, you son of a bitch! 160 00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:07,810 - What the he--? - lt's a trap! 161 00:08:07,849 --> 00:08:10,750 Go for the face, my angels. Spare no one! 162 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:16,882 % O night % 163 00:08:16,924 --> 00:08:20,121 % Divine % 164 00:08:20,161 --> 00:08:26,760 % When Christ, when Christ was born % 165 00:08:34,442 --> 00:08:36,171 l'll notify the families. 166 00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:37,472 Damn, we had him. 167 00:08:37,512 --> 00:08:39,878 Have we heard anything from the Gordon camp? 168 00:08:39,914 --> 00:08:41,905 They're not budging on the heart, sir. 169 00:08:41,949 --> 00:08:45,180 Damn it. Early, l need more time! 170 00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:47,449 For what? You got two old boys here... 171 00:08:47,488 --> 00:08:49,615 with Jeff Gordon in a box. 172 00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,552 Oh, good! Well, never mind then. 173 00:08:53,928 --> 00:08:56,328 - Nice to meet you. - What the...? Cock Johnson? 174 00:08:56,364 --> 00:08:58,730 - Daddy, it's a trap! - You'd best try again, tiny bitches. 175 00:08:58,766 --> 00:09:01,132 Cock Johnson is a man of great strength. 176 00:09:01,169 --> 00:09:04,161 - His heart is quite large. - l said Jeff Gordon! 177 00:09:04,205 --> 00:09:06,264 Now, who's making decisions for you? 178 00:09:06,307 --> 00:09:09,208 You know what? Forget it. Let's just call this my two weeks, all right? 179 00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:11,177 - Good luck, Santa. - Elves, please! 180 00:09:11,212 --> 00:09:13,840 The pay is not commensurate with the agony! 181 00:09:13,881 --> 00:09:16,441 - Look, that can change. - How much you boys make? 182 00:09:16,484 --> 00:09:19,612 - We get one candy cane a month. - And no dental! 183 00:09:19,654 --> 00:09:22,714 - lt's been an issue. - That's exploitation. 184 00:09:22,757 --> 00:09:26,284 - What does this mean, exploitation? - Never you mind. 185 00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:29,023 You ever use them little fingers to bore out a carburetor? 186 00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:31,258 l've built a wooden name placard for Corey. 187 00:09:31,299 --> 00:09:34,132 Well, all right, then. How's two candy canes a month sound? 188 00:09:34,168 --> 00:09:37,467 Why, two is far more than one. l'll take it! 189 00:09:37,505 --> 00:09:40,531 - Come on, let's go. - l can bore a car--carburetor. 190 00:09:40,575 --> 00:09:42,475 Wait! Elves, don't go! 191 00:09:42,510 --> 00:09:44,603 - Or you'll what? - Yeah, what? 192 00:09:44,645 --> 00:09:47,512 l will rain fire down on you from the skies! 193 00:09:47,548 --> 00:09:49,209 l made you, damn it! 194 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:53,346 You were a bunch of tiny drifters before you met me! 195 00:09:57,625 --> 00:09:58,990 What are you gonna do to me? 196 00:09:59,026 --> 00:10:02,962 - You ever seen the movie Saw ll? - Oh, no. No, no, please, please. 197 00:10:02,997 --> 00:10:04,396 No? Me, neither. 198 00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:07,265 l want to, though. l heard good things. 199 00:10:07,935 --> 00:10:09,835 l told you once, you son of a bitch! 200 00:10:09,871 --> 00:10:11,998 l'm the best that's ever been. 201 00:10:12,073 --> 00:10:13,597 What? 202 00:10:13,641 --> 00:10:16,269 Fire in the mountain, and run, boy, run! 203 00:10:18,613 --> 00:10:22,105 Go, Daddy, go. You're making me look stupid here. Go! 204 00:10:32,393 --> 00:10:34,054 Now, wait a minute. 205 00:10:34,095 --> 00:10:37,326 - Well, it's sort of like this one here. - Help! Help! 206 00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:39,560 Good-bye, Santy Claus! 207 00:10:41,903 --> 00:10:45,100 - Oh, my goodness! - Slow down! 208 00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:54,208 That's delicious. 209 00:10:58,986 --> 00:11:00,886 That's good! 210 00:11:08,496 --> 00:11:10,191 Man, that's delicious. 211 00:11:11,399 --> 00:11:13,367 l'm eating light. 212 00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:17,504 Merry skull! 213 00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:19,566 Subtitles by BloodLogic 214 00:11:19,616 --> 00:11:24,166 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 16579

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