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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929 % You run off & took our only chicken % 2 00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803 % When l broke jail the house was burnt and bare % 3 00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937 % The Japs moved the plant back to Osaki % 4 00:00:22,383 --> 00:00:26,114 % Some days life just don't seem that fair % 5 00:00:26,153 --> 00:00:29,384 % l don't even care l just don't give a damn % 6 00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:30,617 - My turn. - Hell, no. 7 00:00:30,658 --> 00:00:33,786 - Man, let me drive that thing! Come on! - Do not touch the trim! 8 00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:54,447 Oh, my God! 9 00:00:54,482 --> 00:00:57,076 - Don't you look precious. - Trick or treat. 10 00:00:57,118 --> 00:00:59,985 Here's your candy, little girl. Now what do you say? 11 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:02,488 l say put all your electronicals in this here bag! 12 00:01:02,523 --> 00:01:06,254 - l need a blow-dryer, a curling iron and... - All right. All right. Good. 13 00:01:06,293 --> 00:01:09,785 Not great, but good. Granted, this here was a stimulation... 14 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:13,561 but in the event of a real trick-or-treatery, you're gonna need this. 15 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:18,303 - Some magic fairy dust? My eyes! - Unmagical chili powder... 16 00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:21,536 and it's got to be right in the orbitals so they can't identitize you. 17 00:01:21,575 --> 00:01:24,305 Why don't we just break in when they ain't home? 18 00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:28,179 Son, it ain't the destination. lt's the journey. 19 00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:31,116 Now come on. Let's go get us a damn bread-maker. 20 00:01:32,186 --> 00:01:34,780 Lo and beware. 21 00:01:34,822 --> 00:01:40,192 The monster thirsts for blood in the shadows of the mountain. 22 00:01:40,227 --> 00:01:42,821 Leaky mouth woman! Get on back inside the house... 23 00:01:42,863 --> 00:01:45,730 and take your l'm-so-old-l'm-gonna-damn-die pills. 24 00:01:47,134 --> 00:01:52,071 Every Hallow's eve he lurks, and he waits... 25 00:01:55,409 --> 00:01:58,344 and he lurks... 26 00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:01,481 and he waits. 27 00:02:01,515 --> 00:02:04,916 - What? - He does stand about quite a bit. 28 00:02:04,952 --> 00:02:08,649 And he lets time pass quietly... 29 00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:12,785 while anticipating future goings-on. 30 00:02:12,827 --> 00:02:17,628 Hellish Jay, they call him. Hellish Jay from Elijay. 31 00:02:17,665 --> 00:02:20,065 There's a monster up here, Daddy? Out in the woods? 32 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,263 Yes, in the woods. Now come on. Let's go out in the woods. 33 00:02:23,304 --> 00:02:25,272 Hold on a second. What's he look like? 34 00:02:25,306 --> 00:02:27,274 About yea high. 35 00:02:29,076 --> 00:02:30,907 No hair... 36 00:02:30,945 --> 00:02:33,413 or skin. 37 00:02:33,447 --> 00:02:36,439 And a devilishly tight ass. 38 00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:38,508 He got a 'lectronic ass. 39 00:02:39,486 --> 00:02:42,114 And a long, straw-like... 40 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:47,282 Damn! 41 00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:51,697 All right, look. You ever seen one of them insulation blowing-hose pipes? 42 00:02:51,732 --> 00:02:55,190 - Blows the damn insulation into you? - He blows insulation into you?! 43 00:02:55,236 --> 00:02:57,261 - He does. God Almighty! - Oh, my God! 44 00:02:57,304 --> 00:03:01,604 - No, no, no. lt's a blood pipe. - Oh, yeah. That's right. 45 00:03:01,642 --> 00:03:04,634 - That's better, then. - He sucks your blood with it. 46 00:03:07,581 --> 00:03:08,912 What was that? 47 00:03:08,949 --> 00:03:11,349 That's just my sound effects record. 48 00:03:12,519 --> 00:03:15,488 He's afraid of sound effects. 49 00:03:16,991 --> 00:03:18,219 They say. 50 00:03:21,962 --> 00:03:25,864 Years ago, one year ago... 51 00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:31,668 he was stung on this mountain by thousands of fire ants. 52 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:39,074 And some say he turned into a fire ant himself. 53 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,814 But every Halloween... 54 00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:45,250 most likely starting from next Halloween... 55 00:03:45,286 --> 00:03:50,246 he come up here looking for his lost cell phone. 56 00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:52,691 Time out. Wait a minute. 57 00:03:52,726 --> 00:03:53,988 Hello? 58 00:03:54,028 --> 00:03:58,089 l done told you a numertous times, there ain't no Jay here. 59 00:03:59,133 --> 00:04:02,227 That's... That's him! Hellish Jay! 60 00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:05,297 - Daddy, give him his phone! - Hell, no! 61 00:04:05,339 --> 00:04:08,502 l got 250 prepaid minutes on this son of a bitch. lt's mine! 62 00:04:10,177 --> 00:04:12,338 Everyone get in the fire! lt's the only way! 63 00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:15,712 - Get in the fire, Daddy! Come on! - Wait a minute. 64 00:04:15,749 --> 00:04:17,740 - What? Wait. - This is stupid. 65 00:04:17,785 --> 00:04:19,878 Get out of the fire! Everyone out! 66 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,480 - l'm on fire! - Get out of here, monster! 67 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:25,515 Relax, son. Hell, l baited the damn perimeter. 68 00:04:28,295 --> 00:04:30,763 You didn't use all my date rape drug, did you? 69 00:04:30,798 --> 00:04:32,857 l didn't see your name on it. 70 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:35,368 Boy, l told you about dipping into my date rape... 71 00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:36,733 Hold your thought. 72 00:04:36,770 --> 00:04:37,794 Talk to me. 73 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,275 You gonna eat who? Who the hell is this? 74 00:04:43,644 --> 00:04:46,374 - What? - He must have bought another phone. 75 00:04:46,413 --> 00:04:48,938 What the hell you need two cellar phones for? 76 00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:53,283 - That's right. You don't. - Daddy, don't get him all excited. 77 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,914 - Run off like the sissy bitch that you is. - Don't rile him up. 78 00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:58,823 Maybe you ought to trip on a root and drop that phone, too. 79 00:04:58,859 --> 00:05:01,384 Then we get us another one. Start us a family plan. 80 00:05:03,797 --> 00:05:06,197 Hell, yeah, l said it. Bring it on, ding-dong. 81 00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:09,100 - Daddy, you ain't gotta do that, now. - Show me them teeth! 82 00:05:11,672 --> 00:05:15,540 Now, how do l go about sending you a picture of you all pissed off? 83 00:05:17,511 --> 00:05:19,741 Damn, this thing's got Tetris. 84 00:05:21,148 --> 00:05:23,639 Where have l heard that before? 85 00:05:23,684 --> 00:05:25,811 Oh, yeah. From you! 86 00:05:25,853 --> 00:05:29,619 - Sheriff, he's getting closer. - Well, that's just what he does, Rusty. 87 00:05:29,656 --> 00:05:34,286 He just gets close to you but he's just playing games. 88 00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:38,287 Just messing around with your emotions, and the next thing you know... 89 00:05:38,332 --> 00:05:41,665 you're just overwhelmed by all this attention. 90 00:05:41,702 --> 00:05:43,499 'Cause he's already telling you... 91 00:05:43,537 --> 00:05:46,836 that you're the only one on the face of the Earth that he cares for. 92 00:05:46,874 --> 00:05:49,308 No one else matters. You think... 93 00:05:49,343 --> 00:05:52,176 ''l could go for this, all the damn way.'' 94 00:05:52,212 --> 00:05:54,703 And then you plan a trip to Costa Rica together... 95 00:05:54,748 --> 00:05:57,216 and then three days later, you hadn't heard from him... 96 00:05:57,251 --> 00:06:01,153 except you find out he's got a refund on the tickets, and then... 97 00:06:01,188 --> 00:06:02,485 this! 98 00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:07,122 l mean... Well, that's the legend, anyway. 99 00:06:07,161 --> 00:06:10,892 - Does that mean he's a Jew? - No, Early. Don't mean that at all. 100 00:06:11,932 --> 00:06:14,833 - Sheriff, look out behind you! - Whatever. 101 00:06:14,868 --> 00:06:16,165 Let's go over here. 102 00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:19,138 Well, damn, it looks just like the other one. 103 00:06:19,173 --> 00:06:21,903 Well, they both want your blood, Rusty. 104 00:06:21,942 --> 00:06:25,343 But this one over here, well, he's actually cool about it. 105 00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:28,746 - What up, dog? - Well, Skuyler, you dang rascal. 106 00:06:28,782 --> 00:06:32,013 There's that chick over there. She's totally scoping me, man. 107 00:06:32,052 --> 00:06:33,041 How you doing, boy? 108 00:06:33,087 --> 00:06:36,147 l'd be doing a lot better if l sucked down some blood shooters. 109 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:38,522 - Body shots? Body shots? - l'll do a body shot! 110 00:06:38,559 --> 00:06:41,551 - Way to nut up, bloodsack. Let's do this. - You don't want that. 111 00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,620 He'll suck your intestines through your navel. 112 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:47,600 Dudes, take the knife out of my back. You know l don't roll like that. 113 00:06:49,103 --> 00:06:51,037 Let's kind of scoot over to this side. 114 00:06:51,071 --> 00:06:53,505 Hell if l'm gonna retreat for no damn monster! 115 00:06:53,540 --> 00:06:57,533 Hell, l say kill 'em both! Let God Almighty sort it out! 116 00:06:57,578 --> 00:06:59,808 No! He's got a kind heart! 117 00:06:59,847 --> 00:07:02,315 You son of a bitch! Die! 118 00:07:02,349 --> 00:07:04,249 Early, no. They're immortal. 119 00:07:04,284 --> 00:07:07,720 - You ain't got to do that now. - They can't be killed. 120 00:07:09,656 --> 00:07:12,250 Well, l guess l was... They can be killed. 121 00:07:13,727 --> 00:07:17,493 Yeah, that was kind of easy. Like that time l beat up that baby. 122 00:07:17,531 --> 00:07:20,159 - Wait a minute. - Oh, great. 123 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,498 Now we're dealing with damn monster ghosts. 124 00:07:22,536 --> 00:07:25,061 About to be of the dead variety. 125 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,573 Better get your ass back on back to Monsterville. 126 00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:37,107 - Damn it! - l ain't dressed for this. 127 00:07:37,151 --> 00:07:38,914 They won't hurt babies. 128 00:07:42,222 --> 00:07:46,124 They hate babies! Quick! Nobody dress like a baby! 129 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,654 Damn! Look at those guns. My God, your forearms are massive! 130 00:07:51,698 --> 00:07:54,565 Come on, baby. l wasn't trying to come on to you or nothing. 131 00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:56,626 We're just talking about, you know... 132 00:08:02,576 --> 00:08:06,535 And we just wait for one of them to start sucking our blood? 133 00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:08,844 - l think they busy, son. - That's hot. 134 00:08:08,882 --> 00:08:12,283 l can't wait for when he dumps you... 135 00:08:12,319 --> 00:08:14,844 and you're back here on Earth with all the rest of us! 136 00:08:14,888 --> 00:08:17,379 Come on, Sheriff. You don't need to see this. 137 00:08:17,424 --> 00:08:20,359 - God, l hate him! - Come here. Let me hold you. 138 00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:25,387 - You're a good friend, Early. - Are you jacking my ass around? 139 00:08:25,432 --> 00:08:28,162 - Early? - Hell, l would never say that. 140 00:08:28,202 --> 00:08:29,692 Oh, Lord. 141 00:08:32,539 --> 00:08:35,599 One, two, three, four, five... 142 00:08:35,642 --> 00:08:36,870 l know this guy. 143 00:08:36,910 --> 00:08:41,870 He's the Counter of the Mounter--tain. 144 00:08:41,915 --> 00:08:44,179 That's a real good name. 145 00:08:45,552 --> 00:08:48,544 Now, years back on Halloween at midnight... 146 00:08:48,589 --> 00:08:52,719 his whole family came up to this hilltop right here... 147 00:08:52,759 --> 00:08:56,058 dark and windy... 148 00:08:56,096 --> 00:08:58,758 and they all choked to death... 149 00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,896 an a calculator. 150 00:09:01,935 --> 00:09:03,402 Calculator? 151 00:09:03,437 --> 00:09:07,533 - Was it a evil calculator? - Why else would it eat his whole family? 152 00:09:07,574 --> 00:09:09,872 Well, it choked them to death, actually. 153 00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:13,710 So the whole family choked on one calculator? 154 00:09:13,747 --> 00:09:15,908 - l'm just telling you. - His 'n 's whole family? 155 00:09:15,949 --> 00:09:19,612 - Like, a living calculator or something? - l guess it'd have to be... 156 00:09:19,653 --> 00:09:23,453 for a whole family to choke on one calculator. 157 00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:24,855 Look, l didn't write it. 158 00:09:24,891 --> 00:09:30,454 Anyway, every Halloween Eve, if you hear counting in the woods... 159 00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:36,333 you know that he's extending and retracting his claws exactly 36 times... 160 00:09:36,370 --> 00:09:40,033 37. That's what comes next. Oh, no! 161 00:09:40,073 --> 00:09:44,635 ...before he feels totally comfortable to claim another victim. 162 00:09:44,678 --> 00:09:46,111 Why 36? 163 00:09:46,146 --> 00:09:48,876 Otherwise, he just feels like his day won't go right. 164 00:09:48,915 --> 00:09:51,884 - You ain't saying he's a Jew. - No, he's not a damn Jew, Early. 165 00:09:51,918 --> 00:09:53,283 Don't you judge me, now. 166 00:09:55,455 --> 00:09:57,855 Hate to interrupt but we'll take a step to the left. 167 00:09:57,891 --> 00:09:59,153 No! Do not move! 168 00:10:00,427 --> 00:10:03,726 A leaf blew in front of you. l just wanted to get that out of there. 169 00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:07,359 lt's driving me nuts. OK, sorry. You know what? 170 00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:10,234 Let me do it an even number of times. lt helps me. Here. 171 00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:13,398 There, two times. One, two, three. 172 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,670 Damn that leaf. OK, hang on one second. 173 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:19,076 That second one didn't really count. lt wasn't a whole one. 174 00:10:19,112 --> 00:10:21,444 - Come on, y'all. Let's go. - There, it's a whole. 175 00:10:21,481 --> 00:10:23,346 - All right. - Y'all have a good one. 176 00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:25,317 Happy Halloween, you son of a bitches. 177 00:10:25,352 --> 00:10:27,013 ...six, seven, eight, nine... 178 00:10:27,054 --> 00:10:28,851 Granny, you coming with us? 179 00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,756 No. l'm ready to die. 180 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:34,522 OK. You have a good 'n. 181 00:10:34,561 --> 00:10:38,463 ...32, 33, 34, 35, 36. 182 00:10:41,435 --> 00:10:43,027 No one... 183 00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:45,470 No one ever let's me get that far. 184 00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:48,901 What do you want to do? 185 00:10:48,942 --> 00:10:51,172 Just like this. 186 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:56,114 Can you do the hat? 187 00:10:56,149 --> 00:10:59,118 Now say it just right. 188 00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:03,111 lt's Monday night of rowdy friend of football. 189 00:11:03,156 --> 00:11:05,522 Monday football night. 190 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,993 Well, that's close enough. 191 00:11:08,562 --> 00:11:11,998 l think the 69ers are playing the Packers tonight. 192 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:20,000 Subtitles by BloodLogic 193 00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:24,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 15713

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