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1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
% My dreams are all dead and buried %
2
00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803
% Sometimes l wish the sun
would just explode %
3
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937
% When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom %
4
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:25,480
% l'll take all you sons of bitches
when l go %
5
00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:30,589
- My turn.
- Hell, no.
6
00:00:30,624 --> 00:00:33,787
- Man, let me drive that thing. Come on!
- Do not touch the trim!
7
00:00:37,465 --> 00:00:39,865
Early, l'm not gonna ask you again, now.
8
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:43,563
lf you come out right this minute,
l can guarantee your safety.
9
00:00:43,604 --> 00:00:46,903
l ain't goin' nowhere, except hell,
and l'm takin' you with me.
10
00:00:46,941 --> 00:00:52,811
Early, the talkin' part's over.
l'm countin' to three, then l'm comin' in.
11
00:00:52,847 --> 00:00:55,077
You better have both them guns a-blazin'.
12
00:00:55,116 --> 00:00:56,413
One...
13
00:00:57,451 --> 00:00:58,611
two...
14
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,889
Come on, Early.
We're gonna be late for church.
15
00:01:04,925 --> 00:01:07,416
Oh, hell. ls it Sunday already?
16
00:01:08,462 --> 00:01:11,363
Damn, don't time fly
when you're drunk as hell?
17
00:01:11,398 --> 00:01:14,697
- Now, let's get it on!
- Good Lord!
18
00:01:14,735 --> 00:01:17,568
- You're wearing that to church, Early?
- Listen here, boy.
19
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The Lord made everything,
so he must've made this here hat.
20
00:01:20,574 --> 00:01:22,838
- Ain't that right, Granny?
- No.
21
00:01:22,877 --> 00:01:26,540
l won that flashing my titas
down in PC beach.
22
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And God made PC beach, didn't he?
23
00:01:28,382 --> 00:01:30,646
- Oh, he certainly did.
- Yes, he did.
24
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God is gooder than hell.
25
00:01:32,219 --> 00:01:37,122
Right. lf y'all don't mind, l'm going
to sit a few pews away this week here.
26
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l've got the power in me!
27
00:01:41,328 --> 00:01:45,731
l feel it!
l've got so much holy energy in me.
28
00:01:45,766 --> 00:01:48,496
l've just got to dance it off.
29
00:01:51,071 --> 00:01:53,801
Can l get a hallelujah out there?
30
00:01:57,778 --> 00:01:59,803
Anyone?
31
00:01:59,847 --> 00:02:01,781
Them speakers sound fine!
32
00:02:03,417 --> 00:02:05,510
Thank you, brother Early.
33
00:02:05,553 --> 00:02:09,045
And now,
l'd like to ask all of the teenagers...
34
00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:16,052
to come up to the front
for what l call God ls Rad.
35
00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:21,798
High five, teenager.
36
00:02:25,239 --> 00:02:31,075
You want to know what's totally
awesome, gnarly, and tubular?
37
00:02:32,012 --> 00:02:33,980
Jesus.
38
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:38,474
But when the devil enters your life,
you should say unto thee...
39
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''Devil, you are a nerd in my book.''
40
00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:45,557
When we gonna do the money?
41
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Brother Early, we'll get to that later.
42
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l got to it now.
Hat's a-comin' round, folks.
43
00:02:51,365 --> 00:02:52,957
Do generositize it.
44
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Early, we have a proper receptacle for the...
45
00:02:56,136 --> 00:02:57,865
Oh, my God!
46
00:02:57,905 --> 00:02:59,429
But that's my weekend hat!
47
00:02:59,473 --> 00:03:04,308
Early, what message
do you think your hat sends?
48
00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:09,749
Well, just what's airbrushed on there,
''S... and f... your ass on PC beach '92!''
49
00:03:09,783 --> 00:03:14,152
Early, l think you need to go back in there
and ask for His forgiveness.
50
00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:18,750
Then and only then,
will you receive more of our canned goods.
51
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:20,885
Look, Early, that's food.
52
00:03:20,928 --> 00:03:22,395
Food! That's for eatin'.
53
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:25,023
- There's some yams in here.
- Let's see... yams.
54
00:03:25,065 --> 00:03:26,999
- More yams.
- Yam bullion.
55
00:03:27,034 --> 00:03:29,662
- Well?
- This is a awful lot of yams in here.
56
00:03:29,703 --> 00:03:33,230
But wait a minute, now, Reverend.
You know today's the big race.
57
00:03:33,274 --> 00:03:35,003
Talladega can wait.
58
00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:37,806
No. The race war, dumbass.
lt's today!
59
00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,870
- lt's just a reenactment.
- Quiet, Honky.
60
00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:42,712
- You can't reenact the destiny.
- Early...
61
00:03:45,119 --> 00:03:47,519
Oh, Lord, who done made all creatures...
62
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great and small in his own image.
63
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:53,753
Did you make them
fine-ass sounding speakers...
64
00:03:53,794 --> 00:03:57,457
what would sound gooder than hell
at the back of my truck-boat truck?
65
00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:00,831
Well, if you don't want me
to jimmy-jack them sweet tweeters...
66
00:04:00,868 --> 00:04:02,233
you best give me a sign.
67
00:04:03,470 --> 00:04:05,700
A new sign.
l done seen that 'un.
68
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:11,743
Lord, please give me the strength
to lift these fine-ass speakers off the...
69
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:20,045
Go to the light.
70
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Early.
71
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% Go to the light %
72
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% Change your life %
73
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% Go to the light %
74
00:04:50,651 --> 00:04:54,314
Y'all hear that? That's what
it sounds like if we had insurance.
75
00:04:54,355 --> 00:04:57,256
Praise be Jesus.
He's saved.
76
00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:02,422
% Jesus' sheep has found
the shepherd in the world %
77
00:05:02,463 --> 00:05:03,862
Yes, Granny.
78
00:05:03,897 --> 00:05:08,857
l seen the light,
like a DUl roadblock in the sky.
79
00:05:08,902 --> 00:05:11,598
But l pulled a U
and hauled ass through the woods...
80
00:05:11,638 --> 00:05:13,503
and now my life has purpose.
81
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:15,735
Good-bye, brown party liquor.
82
00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:18,006
Gunnery, you have a good 'un, now.
83
00:05:18,045 --> 00:05:22,846
Masturbation...
Let's just call it a hiatus.
84
00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:28,048
From now on, l'm a bush hog
on the front end loader of the Lord.
85
00:05:28,989 --> 00:05:34,621
And so Early set out to live his life
in a more Jesusly fashion.
86
00:05:34,661 --> 00:05:36,219
What's all this stuff, Early?
87
00:05:36,263 --> 00:05:41,098
The squid giveth back unto thee whateth
he hath stealedeth from thine garageth.
88
00:05:41,135 --> 00:05:44,104
Good Lord,
it's my portable digital assistant.
89
00:05:44,138 --> 00:05:45,196
But there's more.
90
00:05:45,239 --> 00:05:47,605
Open thouest tooly chest.
91
00:05:48,675 --> 00:05:50,233
lt's my missing kidney!
92
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- Early, you shouldn't have.
- God bless, now.
93
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l mean, you shouldn't have never stole
my damn kidney to start with.
94
00:05:56,750 --> 00:06:00,550
l'm gonna arrest you on this one.
95
00:06:01,889 --> 00:06:02,878
Maybe.
96
00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:06,859
Yes, darlin', your chest is full and heaving.
97
00:06:06,894 --> 00:06:10,091
But what about the heart
that lays beneath them puppies?
98
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:13,224
Look here.
l want you to read this here literature.
99
00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:15,599
No! Pick it up with the butt cheeks.
100
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,729
So please accept these candied yams...
101
00:06:17,771 --> 00:06:21,172
as a advance on the child support
that l ain't never gonna pay...
102
00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:24,735
'cause you just gonna spend
it on bathtub crank from my sister.
103
00:06:24,778 --> 00:06:26,871
And also know that l forgive thee...
104
00:06:26,914 --> 00:06:31,078
for doing the unskinny bop
with every damn creature from this valley.
105
00:06:31,118 --> 00:06:32,779
But what can one do...
106
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:35,482
for the vagina wants
what the vagina wants.
107
00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:39,424
Ain't that right, you whore of Babylon?
l'm sorry, Jesus. l can't help it!
108
00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:42,486
She just makes me
so damn pissed off.
109
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Check the date on them yams.
110
00:06:48,469 --> 00:06:52,462
No, not you.
Hey, ese. Vamonos.
111
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Hold on, then. Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, go back. Go back.
112
00:07:01,381 --> 00:07:05,408
l didn't get anything after
''Abdula dolla flobud hogwa dowa.''
113
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l can't go back.
l don't even know where l am.
114
00:07:07,554 --> 00:07:10,523
This here's ancient Hebrewloid
from Sumerifornia.
115
00:07:10,557 --> 00:07:11,922
What's this for, anyway?
116
00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:15,486
We making literatures to hand out
in front of that damn Dokken concert.
117
00:07:15,529 --> 00:07:16,826
But l was gonna see Dokken!
118
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:20,095
- Dokken is devily music.
- But it's a totally different line-up.
119
00:07:20,134 --> 00:07:22,227
lf Don Dokken is involved,
it is devily music.
120
00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:24,829
Look there, Rusty.
You misspelled...
121
00:07:26,306 --> 00:07:29,002
Will you keep it down,
for crying out loud?
122
00:07:29,042 --> 00:07:31,272
l'm trying to watch me stories...
123
00:07:32,179 --> 00:07:36,513
and l'm having a really hard time.
Stories?
124
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l done give away the story box.
125
00:07:39,119 --> 00:07:42,714
From now on, we going to enjoy
this classic butter churn.
126
00:07:44,057 --> 00:07:47,026
Where's the TV?
Now l'm pissed!
127
00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,255
Come on, now.
Everybody take a turn.
128
00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:51,890
ldle hands are the devil's ding-a-ling.
129
00:07:52,766 --> 00:07:53,755
Daddy.
130
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,200
Where you want
l go put these worship snakes?
131
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Just drape 'em around your neck.
132
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They won't harm you if they don't bite you,
but you gotta be predestined.
133
00:08:29,002 --> 00:08:30,526
What's this say, Reverend?
134
00:08:30,571 --> 00:08:35,634
Well, l'm not real good with
ancient Sumerifornian Hebrewloid...
135
00:08:35,676 --> 00:08:40,045
but it looks like Early
isn't really a big fan of Dokken.
136
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,878
- But it's a whole new line-up.
- Hell, no.
137
00:08:42,916 --> 00:08:44,907
l'll be here for 40 days and 40 nights...
138
00:08:44,952 --> 00:08:48,183
if that's what it takes to keep
these commandments on display.
139
00:08:48,222 --> 00:08:51,191
What's next? They gonna try
to take it out of our schools?
140
00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:52,954
Bull mess. l am against it.
141
00:08:52,993 --> 00:08:56,190
l'm against mens kissing
mens for any reason.
142
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:58,596
But when womans do it...
143
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,159
But that seems all right.
144
00:09:04,338 --> 00:09:07,273
Any womans here
willing to make out with another woman?
145
00:09:07,307 --> 00:09:12,176
l'm against all digits below
and above the number nine.
146
00:09:12,212 --> 00:09:14,009
They all blasphemous.
147
00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,537
And nitrogen.
148
00:09:15,582 --> 00:09:19,780
'Cause you know it was brought here
on ships by space Jews.
149
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,789
Hell, yeah. You know the ones.
You!
150
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:24,791
Can l offer you some literature?
151
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,850
No, thank you.
l lived it.
152
00:09:26,893 --> 00:09:29,361
Jesus? ls that You, Lord?
153
00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,891
- Hot diddily damn!
- Keep it down.
154
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:35,197
Look, l'm just here
to ask you a favor, OK?
155
00:09:35,235 --> 00:09:38,136
Could you please
stop talking about me so much?
156
00:09:38,171 --> 00:09:41,231
- You're kind of blowing my street cred.
- But Lord, l only...
157
00:09:41,275 --> 00:09:43,800
l like you. l do. l swear.
158
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:47,803
Technically, l have to, but...
What's a good way to put this?
159
00:09:51,718 --> 00:09:54,448
- You breakin' up with me?
- Yeah.
160
00:09:54,488 --> 00:09:57,889
But what about the lights?
lt was You, Jesus. l knowed it.
161
00:09:57,924 --> 00:10:00,119
lt was Cher, OK?
162
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,391
- A speaker fell on your head.
- But You saved me!
163
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:06,763
Do you remember your hat?
That really offensive one?
164
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,429
Apparently, the foam donkey erection
was detachable.
165
00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:13,234
That's what saved you.
166
00:10:13,273 --> 00:10:15,901
That's what that was,
right, a donkey erection?
167
00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:18,775
Nice. Nice taste there.
Thanks for wearing it to church.
168
00:10:18,812 --> 00:10:21,406
But they're tryin'
to take down Your Commandments!
169
00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:24,975
- Ain't You wanna do nothin' about it?
- Dude, have you even read this thing?
170
00:10:25,018 --> 00:10:26,485
lt's a beer ad.
171
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,647
So it is.
172
00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:31,317
Look, let's make a deal, OK?
173
00:10:31,358 --> 00:10:35,021
You stop talking about me and l will...
174
00:10:35,062 --> 00:10:36,927
OK, l'm gonna do this for you.
175
00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:41,792
Take a taste.
176
00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:46,268
Could it be?
Party liquor rain?!
177
00:10:46,306 --> 00:10:48,706
That's single malt, my friend.
Barrel aged.
178
00:10:48,742 --> 00:10:51,438
And that's quality,
not like you know the difference.
179
00:10:51,478 --> 00:10:54,140
Let me get this straight, now.
Every time it rains...
180
00:10:54,181 --> 00:10:55,546
No, Early.
Just this once.
181
00:10:58,752 --> 00:11:01,220
Well, here we are, Early.
Home sweet home.
182
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,954
Yeah, l'm in here.
183
00:11:04,991 --> 00:11:08,085
- You took care of it, right?
- lt's all good.
184
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:11,427
- Check out this flat screen.
- Yeah, you're the man.
185
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:15,000
Subtitles by
BloodLogic
186
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,565
Oh, come on, now.
Nobody cares who these people are!
187
00:11:19,615 --> 00:11:24,165
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