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1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
% My dreams are all dead and buried %
2
00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803
% Sometimes l wish the sun
would just explode %
3
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937
% When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom %
4
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:25,480
% l'll take all you sons of bitches
when l go %
5
00:00:29,156 --> 00:00:30,589
- My turn.
- Hell, no.
6
00:00:30,624 --> 00:00:33,787
- Man, let me drive that thing. Come on!
- Do not touch the trim!
7
00:00:36,897 --> 00:00:41,095
Racial tension has divided
this country for far too long...
8
00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:46,266
and now it threatens to claim
America's favorite animated family.
9
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:50,004
Santa Claus is dead!
10
00:00:50,044 --> 00:00:54,208
- Your mama's white.
- No, it's a damn lie! l can jump. See?
11
00:00:57,051 --> 00:01:01,920
Cargo slacks are a breeze
at Old Air Force, starting at $14.99.
12
00:01:01,956 --> 00:01:06,916
- No!
- Rusty! Rusty! Be still, boy.
13
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:10,829
There's only five laps to go, and ol'
Dick Trickle's about to win this sombitch!
14
00:01:10,865 --> 00:01:12,856
Don't let him draft you, dick.
15
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What the?
16
00:01:15,236 --> 00:01:16,726
Hell fire, damn!
17
00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:21,333
- Daddy, l need to know once and for all...
- Oh, damn it, not this again.
18
00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:27,007
l told you, boy, if your mama's white,
then that makes me a damn chalkie lover.
19
00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:29,607
Now, do l look like
a chalkie lover to you?
20
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:32,380
l don't know, Daddy.
You do drink a lot.
21
00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:34,717
Yes, l do, and l fight.
22
00:01:34,755 --> 00:01:37,349
But some other
crazy sombitch is the one...
23
00:01:37,391 --> 00:01:41,088
what bangulated and pregnified
that white woman. lt's not l!
24
00:01:41,128 --> 00:01:43,494
So you're saying
my mama was white?
25
00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:47,598
- Wait a minute. What did l say?
- You said my mama was white...
26
00:01:47,635 --> 00:01:50,365
and you ain't the crazy sombitch
that bangulated and pregnified her.
27
00:01:50,404 --> 00:01:54,807
Your mama
was a vision in alabaster...
28
00:01:54,842 --> 00:01:57,242
a white lily of the field...
29
00:01:57,278 --> 00:02:01,647
rich with scented pollen
and the sweet odor of the morning mist...
30
00:02:01,682 --> 00:02:03,673
Diet morning mist, actually...
31
00:02:03,717 --> 00:02:07,551
although sometimes she would drink
the regular if they was out of diet.
32
00:02:07,588 --> 00:02:09,954
She was enormous.
33
00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:14,552
Lord, did l love her,
for 32 frenetic seconds.
34
00:02:15,996 --> 00:02:17,429
The loving was good.
35
00:02:17,464 --> 00:02:21,560
- Yeah, l remember that lying whore.
- Don't you talk about my mama like that.
36
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:24,537
- l mean she lies down a lot.
- l meant the 'whore' part.
37
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- Well, l'll stand by that.
- Bitch.
38
00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:31,042
Russell! You need
to respectify your Aunt Lil.
39
00:02:31,078 --> 00:02:34,912
She ain't some damn dirty-ass whore
that you can trash down, like your mama.
40
00:02:34,949 --> 00:02:37,543
Where my mama's at?
l want to meet her right now!
41
00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:42,818
Well, get back there on the roof.
You can see her fat ass from three states.
42
00:02:42,857 --> 00:02:45,951
That's fine. Yeah,
you just go on ahead and meet her.
43
00:02:45,993 --> 00:02:48,052
Just remember,
l never touched her.
44
00:02:48,095 --> 00:02:52,259
Well, then there's one of me.
45
00:02:52,299 --> 00:02:56,201
Here's one of them, what you call,
them glamour shots and what have you.
46
00:02:57,538 --> 00:03:00,939
What do you know? There's me.
Nope, that's a bus.
47
00:03:00,975 --> 00:03:03,000
Am l in any of these pictures, mama?
48
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:05,978
Well... Well, look at this one.
49
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:09,005
l'm about eight months pregnant
with you in this one.
50
00:03:09,049 --> 00:03:12,143
Yeah, l sent that in
to Spank magazine.
51
00:03:12,186 --> 00:03:15,383
Fools rejected it.
You'd print this, wouldn't you?
52
00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:18,391
My daddy said you was
like a huge dollop of sour cream.
53
00:03:18,425 --> 00:03:22,794
- Rich and zesty, with a little bit of bite.
- How is your daddy?
54
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:25,594
Oh, he's good.
Just got out of prison not too long ago...
55
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:28,329
No, l'm sorry. Who?
l mean, who's your daddy?
56
00:03:28,369 --> 00:03:31,600
- Anybody l know?
- Early Cuyler?
57
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,732
- Tall guy?
- No.
58
00:03:33,774 --> 00:03:34,934
- Big belly?
- No.
59
00:03:34,975 --> 00:03:36,067
- Red hair?
- Not the one.
60
00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:38,408
- Kind of look like Charlie Sheen?
- Not him, neither.
61
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:41,278
- Or is Charlie Sheen?
- No, not Charlie Sheen.
62
00:03:41,315 --> 00:03:43,408
- ls he a football team?
- No.
63
00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:46,681
ls he the ground keeping crew
for the football team?
64
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,211
- No.
- Are you sure it's not Charlie Sheen?
65
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:52,555
No, mama! Early Cuyler
is the name. About yea high.
66
00:03:52,593 --> 00:03:55,460
l've been told we look alike,
especially in the eye region.
67
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:58,522
Same shape of the eyes,
you know, right here?
68
00:03:58,565 --> 00:04:01,033
Well, your daddy, whoever he was...
69
00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:06,131
surely we loved each other
for a period of time.
70
00:04:06,173 --> 00:04:10,007
Of that l am... pretty sure.
71
00:04:11,545 --> 00:04:14,207
Mama, why did you give me up?
72
00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:20,153
Baby doll, it would kill me
to have you to grow up with a mama...
73
00:04:20,187 --> 00:04:26,786
that didn't love you or care for you
or couldn't benefit from you in any way.
74
00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:30,923
- Now do you understand?
- l reckon.
75
00:04:30,965 --> 00:04:35,061
All that matters
is that we're together now, right, mama?
76
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:37,036
Bring mama a TV.
77
00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,275
Son, where do you think
you're taking that demon box?
78
00:04:42,309 --> 00:04:44,277
l got to provide for my mama now.
79
00:04:44,311 --> 00:04:47,075
OK. All right.
You can tell that old fat-ass bitch...
80
00:04:47,114 --> 00:04:49,639
l don't remember nothing
about her, neither!
81
00:04:49,683 --> 00:04:51,617
Did she ask about me?
82
00:04:57,257 --> 00:04:59,521
l asked if she asked about me!
83
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,553
Yep, it's a good life out in nature.
84
00:05:03,597 --> 00:05:08,193
l ain't never having to go back
and forth and in and out.
85
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:14,003
No EMTs cutting
the doors away out here.
86
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:15,474
Do white people do anything else...
87
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:18,034
besides sponge-mop the cracks
in their mamas' back fat?
88
00:05:18,078 --> 00:05:22,981
That's a good question, little thing.
Let's check the TV.
89
00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:24,382
For real, yeah.
90
00:05:24,418 --> 00:05:27,114
l mean, when
black folks use a napkin, they all like...
91
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:30,180
''Damn! that was some good ribs!''
rub it all over they faces.
92
00:05:30,224 --> 00:05:33,591
And white folks, they all dabbing
the corner of they mouth and...
93
00:05:33,627 --> 00:05:37,723
like they taking some sort of fingerprint.
''What a pleasurable meal!''
94
00:05:37,765 --> 00:05:39,596
Tiger, please.
95
00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:44,231
What a pleasurable meal.
l am a white guy.
96
00:05:44,271 --> 00:05:46,739
- Like that, mama?
- Yeah, son.
97
00:05:46,774 --> 00:05:51,074
Why don't you roll me over, pumpkin?
l feel a sore coming on.
98
00:05:55,215 --> 00:06:00,243
- l told them l couldn't fly a helicopter.
- l told you l ain't moving, Sheriff.
99
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:04,689
You've got to take me
in dead or alive.
100
00:06:04,725 --> 00:06:07,990
The statute of limitations
passed on that loitering charge.
101
00:06:09,029 --> 00:06:13,363
Congratulations, Krystal.
You've been recognized as a landmark.
102
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,334
What a pleasurable Sheriff.
103
00:06:15,369 --> 00:06:19,567
Rusty, what you doing down here?
Getting a little piece?
104
00:06:21,575 --> 00:06:23,270
l should be outlawed.
105
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:26,245
You ain't gonna talk about
my mama like that, you son of a bitch!
106
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:31,047
Mother? How old are you, Rusty?
You about 15?
107
00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:33,178
Give or take, as the crow flies.
108
00:06:34,455 --> 00:06:37,720
Fifteen years ago,
the world was a much different place.
109
00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:39,885
The Berlin Wall had just crumbled.
110
00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:44,057
l thought l could handle cocaine.
l really did.
111
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:45,827
l lost everything.
112
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:48,164
And a young deputy sheriff
was learning...
113
00:06:48,202 --> 00:06:51,535
that you can't defy
the laws of love or nature.
114
00:06:51,572 --> 00:06:55,303
l got a report here that says
you won't leave the premises.
115
00:06:55,342 --> 00:06:57,606
Are you staging one of them protests?
116
00:06:57,644 --> 00:07:01,444
l's staging a wet T-shirt contest.
117
00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:06,180
You hang around a while,
and you might just get to judge.
118
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,687
And there it was...
119
00:07:07,721 --> 00:07:11,122
The very first nipple
the Sheriff had ever seen.
120
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,989
Shove this in your eyeballs.
121
00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:17,520
lnterestingly enough, it was also
the first lawn sprinkler he had ever seen.
122
00:07:18,499 --> 00:07:21,229
So between the nipple
and the lawn sprinkler...
123
00:07:21,268 --> 00:07:25,170
the glistening young
deputy sheriff became a man.
124
00:07:25,205 --> 00:07:27,435
l'm free! l'm free!
125
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:33,505
- Rusty, l am your daddy.
- Oh, you think?
126
00:07:33,547 --> 00:07:38,610
Oh, yeah. Yeah, just look at the shape
of our eyes. Exactly the same.
127
00:07:38,652 --> 00:07:43,180
Krystal, l suppose
we ought to get married.
128
00:07:43,223 --> 00:07:45,384
- What for?
- Come on.
129
00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:47,450
You and l both know
what happened, hmm?
130
00:07:47,494 --> 00:07:51,294
About 15 years ago on this very spot.
131
00:07:51,331 --> 00:07:53,663
You made me play pattycake.
132
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,227
Unprotected pattycake.
This has happened, son.
133
00:07:57,271 --> 00:08:01,901
Well, now, la di da.
Howdy doody to you, Krystal.
134
00:08:01,942 --> 00:08:04,809
- Early.
- lt's been many years, but you...
135
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,245
- You ain't moved a bit.
- Be respectful now.
136
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:09,545
This woman here
is the mother of my child.
137
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:13,212
Your child? Hell, no.
This here is my boy.
138
00:08:13,253 --> 00:08:15,949
And yeah, that's his mama.
139
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:19,390
But you, you're probably
the one that had the sexuals with her.
140
00:08:19,426 --> 00:08:23,192
l refuse to touch the soft,
creamy, plump...
141
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:24,356
Damn!
142
00:08:24,398 --> 00:08:27,060
Get your filthy squid hands
off of my hinter land.
143
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,035
l love you. l'll kill you, bitch!
144
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,504
- Early?
- No, Daddy, no!
145
00:08:32,539 --> 00:08:34,905
l told you, Rusty.
l'm your baby daddy.
146
00:08:34,942 --> 00:08:37,035
- Daddy.
- Sheriff.
147
00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:42,306
There's only one way
to capture the elusive bunfish.
148
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,945
- Ain't that what you was talking about?
- No.
149
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:48,250
We were discussing
this boy's paternity.
150
00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:52,153
l couldn't hear 'cause l was down there.
151
00:08:52,192 --> 00:08:54,217
Whose bicycle is this?
152
00:08:54,928 --> 00:08:58,955
Rusty? Piss on that there rabbit.
lf he dies, l'm your daddy.
153
00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:01,900
Early, there's more scientific ways
of doing this.
154
00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:05,835
Do it anyway.
155
00:09:05,872 --> 00:09:10,172
So, we'll apply a presecreted bladder fluid
to the exoderm of this furry mammal...
156
00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:14,544
and we'll look for signs of mortification
or terminalicity of the affected region.
157
00:09:14,581 --> 00:09:17,846
So l'm gonna need
a urine sample from you and you.
158
00:09:17,884 --> 00:09:19,476
Well, l pee sitting down.
159
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:23,285
Any approach you choose is fine.
Excuse me, sir?
160
00:09:23,323 --> 00:09:25,848
Sir, not in my plastic ficus, please. lt's...
161
00:09:25,892 --> 00:09:28,725
Relax, brainiac.
l filled your jar up.
162
00:09:28,762 --> 00:09:30,855
My goodness!
This looks to be...
163
00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:33,627
about 80 proof
straight bourbon whiskey.
164
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:35,857
Give it back!
165
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:37,767
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
166
00:09:39,539 --> 00:09:42,804
Congratulations.
Somebody's pregnant.
167
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:47,007
Actually, doctor, we're here to find out
who the daddy is.
168
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:50,141
Of who? This rabbit?
This is dead.
169
00:09:50,183 --> 00:09:52,242
No, not the rabbit.
The boy there.
170
00:09:54,254 --> 00:09:57,690
l'm afraid science
can't tell us everything, little man.
171
00:09:57,724 --> 00:10:01,091
- Now, that's interesting.
- What?
172
00:10:01,128 --> 00:10:03,756
This rabbit's been hit by a hammer.
173
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:05,924
Well, let me get
my vaporologist in here.
174
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:07,399
Dr. Bug, get in here.
175
00:10:18,278 --> 00:10:20,337
This rabbit's been hit by a hammer.
176
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:23,747
Yep. Sure has.
177
00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,513
ls that why you dragged me in here?
178
00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:29,351
Dr. Bug, have a look at these various
smokes and vapors.
179
00:10:29,389 --> 00:10:32,950
- Do you see what l'm seeing?
- l reckon so, yeah, and all them.
180
00:10:32,993 --> 00:10:35,291
Your young un over there
is an only child.
181
00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:37,661
lf it's purple, doesn't it mean
he has a twin brother?
182
00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:42,829
Shut the ... up, man!
Only child. You're an only child.
183
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,839
Squids!
You're a squid, right?
184
00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:50,934
Shut the ... up, Jerry.
Only child. Only child.
185
00:10:50,977 --> 00:10:54,936
No twin. Only child.
186
00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:02,720
Man, l should be outlawed.
187
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,000
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