All language subtitles for Single Parents s02e10_English

Oh, FYI,
the club is having

a Twelve Days of Christmas-
themed dinner

that'll knock
your socks off.
Ooh!

Punishing amount of poultry.
Just brutal.

Now, brutal
in a fun way

or brutal in, like,
Rory's burn book way?

That kid took us bothdown.I never wore sandals again.

Hey, you ever think about
telling the kids about us?

And say what?

I mean, wehaven't
even labeled this.

Whatever thisis.

But if we werelabeling it,
what would it be?

Snuggle buddies?

Handsy carpoolers?

Hot tub pals.

Ooh! Or maybe --
maybe just "tubbers"?

Oh, I love our workin the hot tub.
[ Chuckles ]

But all this -- kids,having a conversation, words --

feels likea 2020 problem to me.

I'm so glad you said that,
'cause I just...

you know, I like being
in our little bubble.

So safe in here.
Yes!

Just you and me,ignoring the needy screams

of the children
we're hiding from.

Uh-huh.

Amy: Lights.Emma:
Watch the bulbs this time!

Get off my ass,
will ya?!

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Look.

I told you, I got it!

No.

Look.

♪♪

Aah!

♪♪

--Captions by VITAC--

[ Bells jingle ]

Gotta say, Angie,
I am very impressed

with how you've uppedyour Christmas game this year.

I see you hung
a Santa beard.

You know, that's not normallya decoration,

but still,I admire the effort.

Oh!

That's a beard.
I thought it was snow.

Now that we're back
in the house,

I just want to give Graham
the best Christmas ever.

You know, it's been
a crazy couple months.

Yeah, he lived in a sauna,like a human towel.

And check it --

this year, I'm gonna read
Graham's letter to Santa.

You've never
read it before?

And feel bad for all the crap
I can't afford to buy him?

No, thank you.

That blood's
on Santa's hands.

This Christmas,
Graham is gonna get

everything he asks for,
even if it means

I have to max out
all my credit cards

and sell my teeth and hair,
like in "Les Mis."

You know,I actually played Cosette

in a gender-bending production
of "Les Mis"

at a junior collegewhere I was not enrolled.

I...don't love
knowing that.

Alright, kidoodle,time to hit the road.

A-plus decking the halls,
Angie.

You would never
be able to tell

you burned down
your own house.

And a merry Christmasto you, child.

♪♪

Graham: Here, Mom.

For the mailbox
at the bottom of your purse.

♪ We won't go
until we get some♪

♪ We won't go
until we get some♪

♪♪

Graham: Hi, Santa.

Based on what's been
under the tree lately,

I suspect I may have
the wrong address.

Have you switched Poles?

Anywhoozle, this year,

I only have two things
on my list.

1, I want to see snow.

2, I want to meet my dad.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, that's a punch in the butt.

[ Camera clicking ]

How long you plan on loitering
in front of my fireplace?

Until I get
the perfect photo.

You know how hard I work on myChristmas card/Instagram post

'cause I don't knowwhere the stamp goes.

Well, at least you know
that there arestamps,

and that's more
than I'd expect.

Hey, hey, Douglas,
I got a problem.

Well, good luck with it.
And use coasters.

No, no, no, no!
Listen, listen.

[ Chuckles ] So, I askedmy friend with bennies,

Homily Pronstroller,

to help me come upwith the dopest, freshest,

most off-the-wall idea
for a card.

I thought she wasthe coolest girl around,

but she keeps pitching meall this lame stuff.

Who's ready for photos?

I got you
matching Christmas sweaters.

[ Chuckles ] Hey, you know,
when you get those printed, uh,

I'll take two copies,
okay?

Okay.
Right on that.

Ugh. Yes.
Mm.

I knew
you were a snowman guy.

Jack, you're gonna look
so good in this!

Miggy! Miggy!

The twins came to me with
some...troubling information.

We need
a third-party confirmation.

Okay.

Are my dad...

And my darling mother...

Boyfriend
and girlfriend?

Oh, yeah.You guys didn't know?

What?
Oh, my God.

Girls, get the salts.

I'm going down.

♪♪

[ Door opens ]

Hey. Will.

Remember when I said
that Graham was

gonna get everything
on his list this year?

That little dumb-dumb
asked for snow.

Damn, girl, you dead.

No. Not dead.

I'm gonna drive north
until I hit the white stuff,

maybe...I don't know,use that map thingy on my phone.

Ew.
This cookie's trash.

[ Chuckling ]
Your phone?

Angie, you are standing

in front of KZOP'spreeminent alternate weatherman.

I'll find you snow.

Isn't TV weather just
for entertainment purposes?

Entertainment purposes?

No.I am a professional.

Let's see here.

Ah ha ha ha!

Looks like Lake Arrowhead
is expecting an onding.

What's that, you ask?

That's just
the 18th-century Scottish word

for "heavy snowfall."

Something that just came
from my mind.

I'll go ahead
and book us a cabin.

Really?

Wow. [ Exhales sharply ]Thanks, Will.

You're the best.

You owe me $200.Amazing.

I'll Venmo you.

Will you?Absolutely not.

♪♪

I mean, once you get pastthe insane height difference,

this tracks.

Mom's been acting
super-weird lately.

Mom, Louisa's sleepover dresscode is "Titanic Steerage,"

so, um...have you seenmy nightshirt?

Mom?

Mom?

Poppy!
Oh, what? Yeah?

She only busts out Cocoby Chanel on special occasions,

and there has been a lotof special occasions lately.

Our dad's been
sketchy as hell, too.

Make it sing, Tony.

♪♪

Mm.

Tony usually only does
the big shave on his birthday.

He's been swinging that blade
every week.

Right under our nosesthe entire time.

Like Charles and Camilla.

Hold up.

But what does this mean?

Are you going to be
our triplet?

Listen,
Poppy's great.

No disrespect.

But the Fogertys
got a system.

Yeah, it works.

All this change
kind of makes me want to yarf.

Okay.

There is clearly
a lot of emotion here,

but we can start working throughthat crap after Christmas.

Right now,
we have the next 48 hours

to use the info to get
as many presents as possible.

Ooh, I love
an inside job.

How are we gonna
get these suckers?

When Mom was dating Mark Rush,
she felt super-weird about it

and got me all of the celebrity
Barbies that I wanted --

Ava DuVernay,
Tim McGraw and Faith Hill,

Vitamin C --

We gotta guilt them

until the holiday
shipping window runs out.

I want a baby hippo,

and I'll just toss itwhen it gets too big.

Who cares?
It's free.

We're rich, you idiots.We're rich!

[ "Deck the Halls" plays]Angie: Can you believe
I'm actually gonna pull off

this snow-for-Christmas
thing?

I'm such a good mom,
it's, like, obnoxious.

We are 1,000 yards
away from snow.

Yay!
Boy, oh, boy!

Hey, how many times
do you think you could

listen to this song on "repeat"
before you just ended it all?

For me,
it would be four.

Start practicing
your "brrr."

Both: Brrr![ Volume increases ]

♪ Deck the hallswith boughs of holly ♪

All:
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la

[ Crow caws ]

I don't
see snow.

Help me! Help me!My insides are drying!

Here, here.
[ Exhales sharply ]

So, I guess your prediction
was a little off.

Oh. Wait.Is that a snowflake?

Oh.

No, it's just ash.

Ugh!

This is exactly
what I was talking about.

Weathermen are
just like palm readers --

fun, never right,
wear too much makeup.

I am a scientist.

I went to school
for meteorology.

Oh, yeah?
And what were your classes?

Looking Out the Window
101?

Oh, and when did they teach you
to do this with your hands?

Okay, now we are veeringinto hurtful territory.

You said
you'd get me snow!

Look, I knowthat Graham has had a hard year

and you want to get himeverything on his list.

Here.

Read this!

[ Sighs ]

"I want to meet
my dad --"

Oh.

Ohhhh.

Ohhh!

Yeah, this is, uh...

this is a toughie.

Hmm. Yeah. Okay.

Well, let me look around
for some "doy."

Nope! No doy!

Well, do you thinkthat he heard something

about Derek showing up?

No! I didn't
tell him anything.

Graham knows zero percent
real things about his dad.

When he was 4,
he started asking questions,

and I panicked
and told him that his dad

was a blueberry scientist
in Greece.

'Cause you were eating blueberryGreek yogurt at the time?

Obviously.

[ Sighs ]

Once I give Graham a dad,
he'll be in our lives forever.

And if they meet...

what if
it doesn't go well?

Or what if it does?

Or what if Graham hates Derek
or Derek hates Graham?

Or what if they team up
and both decide they hate me?

Just because thathappened at your bankand with your co-workers

doesn't meanit'll happen with them.

There are a million things
that could happen,

and I-I can't control
any of them.

And right now, I control
every part of Graham's life,

right down to the fact thathis diet is 78% chicken fingers.

Ang --
No!

I am sensing some
real "open your heart"
vibes right now,

and I don't want
to hear it.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna find
some snow.

[ Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby"
plays ]

♪ Santa baby

You know, Mom,it's moments like this

that I'm gladit's just the two of us.

♪ Been an awful good girl

♪ Santa baby, and hurry down
the chimney tonight ♪

♪♪

[ Slot machine ringing,
coins clattering]

♪ Santa baby

Dad,
you know what I hate?

Change.

♪ I'll wait up for you, dear

♪ Santa baby

[ Slot machine ringing,
coins clattering]

I just don't know whereI'd fit therapy in my schedule.

You know, if I had to...go for any reason.

♪ Santa cutie

♪ There's one thing
I really do need ♪

[ Slot machine ringing,
coins clattering]

I'm so glad I have a sister
instead of a brother.

Can you imagine?

♪ ...and hurry down
the chimney tonight ♪

♪♪

♪ And hurry

[ Slot machine ringing,
coins clattering]

♪ Tonight

Douglas: Wow!

You bought him a re-creationof the "Clueless" closet?

What?I like that Paul Rudd.

His skin doesn't age.

It's not a re-creation, Douglas.
It is thecloset.

Had it dug out
from a prop house

and hired round-the-clock
coders in the Ukraine
to put Rory in it.

See?

Whoo!

[ Funky music plays]

[ Twinkle]

[ Chuckles ]
So cute.

And so expensive.

I've been going hard, too,with the presents for the girls.

I made a down paymenton a fully operational crane.

Yeah, the dealer hosed me,

but at least it comeswith a 20-foot American flag.

Oh! Emma and Amy
are gonna love that.

Picking heavy stuff up,
putting heavy stuff down.

Maybe I've gone soft,

but I just can't resistthose big, blue peepers.

Today, Emma says to me,"It's us against the world."

Can you believe that?

[ Chuckling ]
Wait a minute.

Rory said the exact same thing
to metoday.

Ohh.

Ohh.

♪♪

Are we sure
this is the look?

My parents would love
these pictures,

and that's not
what I'm going for.

Hey, maybe
we could mix it up.

Miggy, do you knowanyone cooler than me?

Where do I live?

In an abandoned doll factory
downtown.

Yeah.
I know what's hip.

Now, uh, put your fistunder your chin like this.

Oh, come on.
Just...

Yeah. Yeah.[ Door opens ]

Miggy.

Miggy!

Hey.

Do the kids know
we're dating?

Oh, yeah.You guys didn't know?

Oh, my God.
Oh, my --

Tony, enact the protocol.This is fine.

Parents date.Enact the protocol!

There's a red alert!

I found a receipt
for a zero turn mower.

The man's like
putty in our hands.

I say we start thinkingeven bigger.

Rory: Oh.

We won't stop
until the three of us

are sucking down Shirley T's
on the deck of a Disney Cruise.

[ Clears throat ]

Mom.

Ah. Look.

It is
my beautiful mommy.

I --

[ Voice breaking ]
I wuv you.

Save it,
Rory Denzel Banks.

We know what you kidshave been up to.

After all we've done for you,

and this is how you draw us?

Why don't you children
take a seat?

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

This place says they havefake snow on their website.

Although,they did not advertise

all the dirty underwear
in the parking lot.

I mean, at this point, fake snowis better than no snow.

And Graham was born
in Las Vegas.

He was? Why?

I was fat and bored
and didn't want to be

the only person
throwing up on a sidewalk.

Either way,
he won't know the difference.

Hello.
Good holidays to you.

We're visiting
from Los Angeles,

and we're looking
for snow.

Then why'd youcome to Arrowhead?It's hot as balls here.

Because he is
a weatherman.

A weatherman?That's a great scam, man!

Huh. Wish I'd thought
of that one.

Scam?

Because of me, you know when
to put on a raincoat, bitch.

Okay,
let's get down to it.

Are you running
the snow machine today?

Nope.Well,
what if we told you

it'd make a young boy
very, very happy?

He's not terminally ill,
but he canbe, if it helps.

Mm.
No, doesn't help.

It's so hot out,it's just gonna melt anyway.

It's not worth my goo.

[ Sighs ]

Alright,
hey, hey, Angie.

Do you think
maybe it might be time

to consider giving Graham
the otherthing on his list?

Oh, so we're just
handing out daddies
at Christmas now?

And besides,
you hateDerek.

I know.

But you know who else
drives me nuts? Mia.

But I'm still glad that
Sophie has a relationship
with her mother,

because it adds
extra love to her life,

and shouldn't Graham
have that, too?

A dogcould be extra love.

Or maybe a really heavy
weighted blanket.

Angie, you can get Graham
snow or toys or vacations

or a really high-quality
sweater shaver,

which is what's on mylist
this year.

But eventually, he is
gonna want to meet his dad,

and if you want to control
when and where...

now might not be
a bad time.

♪♪

Okay.

Yeah.

Message received.

I just...need a minuteto marinate on it, okay?

Of course.

Hey, uh,
you like purple?

'Cause, uh, if I don'tmove these trees,

I'm gonna have toget back into gift card fraud.

Unfortunately, I'm more ofa traditional greens guy myself.

You know, I would loveto get into the weather racket.

I mean,talk about easy cash.

[ Engine revs ]H-H-How do you
get into that game?

I refuse to get in my secondfistfight ever during Christmas.

Everybody! Get in!

Wait!That's my snow machine!

Mom's gone crazy!

Does this count
as kidnapping?

Angie, what the hell
are you doing?!

Just get in!

Diversion!

[ "Jingle Bells" plays ]

[ Engine revs ]

Merry freakin' Christmas!

[ Engine sputtering ]Snow!

Snow!

Snow, damn it!

Argh!

Hey! Will, come on.

Kick it.
Kick it for Graham.

I'm not gonna kick it,
Angie.

We are fugitives.

Before today, my car has
only been used for good.

You sullied the Honda.

This is yourfault.

You brought us here,

and if this thing doesn't startpooping out snow soon,

I'm not gonna pay you backfor the cabin.

You already told me
you weren't.

I'm gonna go wash down
this petty theft

with some hot cocoa!

Just because we're criminals
doesn't mean we can't be comfy.

I'll take one.Do you want
marshmallows?

Yes, please.
I'll be back!

[ Grunts ]

Mom?

May I talk to you
for a second?

Or are you too busy kicking
your stolen snow machine?

Wha-- Stolen?

This? Wha?

You think I don't know
our house is full of hot goods?

And it's clear
you read my letter to Santa.

[ Scoffs ]

Busted.

♪♪

I-I just wanted to give youthe best Christmas ever, buddy.

I get it.

I mean...it's not like
we can rely on Santa.

I ask him if I can meet my dad
every year,

but it never happens.

You do?

You ask him every year?

Yeah.

Even Santa can't make my dad
want to meet me.

No.

Graham.

I-I knowit may not seem like it,

but your dad actually --

[ Sirens wailing ]

[ Vehicles approaching ]

Shedid it!

[ Scoffs ]

How dare you three
manipulate us for presents!

How dare us?

How dare you!

You've never kept a secretfrom us before, Dad.

Oh,
that's what youthink.

My dream is
that in your old age,

you'll look at each other
and say,

"In the end,
I knew nothing about that man."

Well, we know you twowere kissing in our driveway.

Okay, look, we don't have to
define our relationship

for you guys, okay?

We haven't even...
defined it for each other.

That's right.

We live in a bubble,
and it's very nice.

A bubble?

What kind of cop-out
is that?

My mom deserves more
than some shadow relationship.

Do you two love each other
or not?

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

[ Cellphone beeps ]Hello?

Okay. Yes.

A shiv?

Okay.

W-- We'll be right there.

Well, that's a callI always knew I would get.

It's time to bailCooper and D'Amato out of jail.

Move it!
Let's hustle.

Okay, now let's get one
in front of my little buddies.

No! I draw the line
at little buddies.

Homily, this isn't me.

I know you're the coolest chickon the planet,

but your Christmas card ideasare corny as hell.

Wow.

Wow, Miggy.

You know,
I have to say...

it is really sexy

that you stood up for yourself
just now.

You're not mad?

No, of course not.

Art is subjective.

That --
That is the whole point.[ Door opens ]

Your pictures ain't art,
girl.

Hey, where are
you guys going?

Cooper and D'Amato
got locked up.

Oh,
I am not missing this.

Come on, come on.

[ Grunts ]

Oh, is it cool
if we bounce?
Yes. Have fun.

I'll see you at my
Non-Denominational
Winter Cookie Party.

Dope.

[ Jack giggles ]

Come on, little buddies.[ Door closes ]

Let's take one with Mommy![ Door opens ]

Pronstroller. Get the hell
out of my house.

I can't believe
to get the charges dropped,

I had to buy two dozen
purple Christmas trees.

I lovethem.

They're the Rory
of trees.

I gotta say,
mountain jail was kind of fun.

I helped someone make a knife
out of a plastic fork.

Terrific.

Graham?

Hey.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

If it's about what I sawin the pokey,

I'm processing it
pretty well.

Even that pregnant lady.

Oh. No.

Uh...

I just wanted
to let you know that...

unlike
snow in California...

...meeting your dad
isn't impossible.

Yeah, right.

No, Graham.

It's not true that your dad
doesn't want to meet you.

I've been in contact
with him lately,

and it's actually
the opposite.

Really?

Yeah.

So, when we get back,

let's make a plan
for you two to meet.

♪♪

Thank you, Mom.

[ Sighing ] Oh, man.

I gotta practice
my Greek.

Hey.

Nice work.

Welcome to
the terrifying world

of not being the only adult
in your child's life.

Thank you.

Although, you'rean adult
in his life.

And that's...been pretty great, actually.

[ Chuckles ]

For both of us.

Ditto.

Oh, my God!
Snow!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my God!
It's magical.

Hello, old friend.

Oh, that'ssnow.

Let's get out there!

Kids: Yeah!

[ Indistinct shouting,
laughter ]

-You're gonna eat my snow!
-No, you're gonna
eat mysnow now!

Oh, these L.A. kids
don't know snow.

Every year in Buffalo,

we'd lose at leastthree children in a drift.

[ Chuckles ]Now, thatwas snow.

God, I love hearing
about your childhood.

[ Both chuckle ]

Hey, I hope the kids
didn't put you in your head.

You know, how and when we chooseto define this relationship

is completely up to us.

We can stay
in the bubble --I love you.

♪♪

I love you, Poppy.

And, uh...I think the kids are right.

Because when you feel this way
about someone,

you want the whole worldto be your bubble.

I...

I love you, too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Come here.

Mm!

[ All "Aww!" ]

Okay, so, is nobody
gonna thank me for this?

Alright, well, how about
a quick 10-day forecast, then?

Y'all are gonna be
kissing my butt on Monday,

y'all are gonna be
kissing my butt on Tuesday,

and you're gonna be
kissing my butt

all the way through the weekend,because there's snow!

Being a weatherman is the
closest thing to being a god.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

♪♪

Hey, hey, everybody!
Circle up! Circle up!

♪♪

Thank you.

♪♪

[ Camera clicks ]

[ Indistinct shouting,
laughter ]

♪♪

Oh, yeah.

That's the one.

That's me.

♪♪