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1
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,198
Who the hell's Roderick Blank?
2
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,368
That would be me.
3
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,163
You ever see a guy
walking down the street
4
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,499
looking so happy and content
you wanna find the nearest brick
5
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,168
and turn his face
into hamburger meat?
6
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,879
I'm sorry. That April morning,
I was that guy.
7
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,172
I couldn't help it.
8
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,174
I had what I thought
at the time to be it all:
9
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,468
excellent job,
excellent soon-to-be wife,
10
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,178
excellent life.
11
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,514
If only I hadn't let Trixie
open that last e-mail.
12
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,100
What would you say if I broke out
into song right now?
13
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,186
You know how this good mood thing
of yours is killing me, Rod.
14
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,189
And yet... you persist.
15
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,191
Stop.
16
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:14,319
Stop! Or we're never gonna
get through these e-mails.
17
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:17,781
Oh. Here's a beauty from Lester.
18
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:21,201
"'Re: Bachelor Party Stripper Crisis. "
19
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:23,453
Have I told you how grateful I am
that I'm a lesbian?
20
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,372
Delete! Delete!
My God.
21
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,208
Men like Lester are the reason
Death Nell was invented.
22
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:31,211
I was a man above temptation.
23
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:33,672
Other woman had lost all appeal.
24
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,049
One in particular.
25
00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,218
They called her Death Nell,
26
00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,762
even though, technically,
she hadn't killed anyone.
27
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,931
Different hairstyles,
different outfits,
28
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:45,392
different spray-painted messages.
29
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,899
The same comatose result.
30
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,485
It was all we could
talk about that spring.
31
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,238
Five dates leading
to subversive seduction
32
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:01,241
and ending in endless slumber.
33
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,659
She was the worst thing
to happen to men,
34
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,203
and the best thing
to happen to media
35
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,872
in quite some time.
36
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,249
Needless to say, I had
picked the perfect moment
37
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,126
to be getting out of the game.
38
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,088
For every guy or gal,
there comes a time
39
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:17,841
when you say, it’s time.
40
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:22,721
Meet Fiona Wormwood,
my wife-to-be.
41
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,973
Stop staring, perv.
42
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:28,268
It's funny, looking back.
43
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,270
She was not the sweetest girl in the world.
44
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,730
Just, I- I like- okay.
45
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,273
But when it comes to
the person you're spending
46
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:36,276
the rest of your life with,
you want a bit of a sting.
47
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,778
There.
48
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,239
Your married friends
call you up for a barbecue.
49
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,701
- They tell you...
- It's time.
50
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,286
Your parents tell you...
51
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,705
Son, it's time.
52
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,917
The whole damn universe tells you.
53
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,048
Don't make me the villain.
54
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,174
I told your sister
55
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,301
exactly how many pounds
she had to drop
56
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:03,887
to fit into that bridesmaid's dress.
57
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,766
Enough.
Let's talk about orchids. Orchids.
58
00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:09,309
Yep. It was time.
59
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,353
Okay, if you can
tear yourself back to work...
60
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,313
Thank you.
I've downloaded the Big Mac.
61
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,316
I mean The Matador!
I don't know.
62
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,360
It looks like two all-beef patties,
special sauce,
63
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,321
lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions
on a sesame seed bun to me.
64
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,322
Boss.
65
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,324
Hey, that's very special sauce-
66
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:27,786
As for the "excellent job" part of my life,
67
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:29,329
I like to tell reporters,
68
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:30,956
"It's always been
my dream to work
69
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,624
in a fast-food restaurant. "
70
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,001
I was being cute.
71
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,545
Our place was different.
You know... classy.
72
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,088
The plan was simple.
73
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,174
Swallow up the food names,
sleek the uniforms,
74
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,550
Starbuck the decor.
75
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,635
Welcome to Swallows.
76
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,179
One Swallow Cornucopia to go!
77
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,849
Have a startling and unique day.
78
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,350
You, too.
79
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,270
Please, Trixie, tell me that was
the last goddamn e-mail.
80
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,189
No, there's one more.
81
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,648
Hold on.
82
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,192
Doesn't say who it's from.
83
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:00,861
I don't know.
84
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,113
I'm getting, like, a virus vibe here.
85
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:05,449
Okay! It's your life.
86
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,453
Oh, that's weird.
87
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:12,873
It's a list of names.
88
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,374
Must be more wedding bullshit.
89
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:16,376
Well, they're all women's names.
90
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:19,338
Number one- does the name
Patricia Francini ring a bell?
91
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,881
Patricia Francini?
92
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,841
Whoa, I haven't heard that name in...
93
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,969
Patty and I were co-captains
of my high school debate team,
94
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,596
her main claim
to fame being that,
95
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,389
in classic backseat drive-in fashion,
96
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,391
she took my virginity.
97
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:34,102
Clan of the Cave Bear
was the movie.
98
00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,521
Drive-in's now a Staples.
99
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,105
What did you say this list was?
100
00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:38,857
I didn't, unless Allison Bradbury
101
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,401
is the second girl
you ever had sex with.
102
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,445
- Whoa.
- No way.
103
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:46,406
Are you saying this is a list of
everyone you ever had sex with?
104
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,158
Who's number three?
105
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,451
Well, that would be Debbie Roberts.
106
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,702
No, wait. She was four.
107
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,833
Who was the spooky
drunk girl at the 4-H fair?
108
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,544
I had to drive her home,
'cause her brother was, uh-
109
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,963
Daisy Milos Ross?
110
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,422
Yes! Crazy Daisy!
111
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,300
Milos- what? Ross?
112
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,301
Who sent this?
113
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,427
Is this some...
114
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,428
pre-bachelor party trick,
115
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,681
of all the girls I've loved before?
116
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,851
But who would know
about Daisy Milos Ross?
117
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,353
Damn, Roderick, this is
an insane amount of pussy.
118
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,980
Well, thanks.
119
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,440
I don't know if I'd
call 29 women insane.
120
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,026
I guess some guys might be impressed
by the big two-nine,
121
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,529
but I racked up most of those numbers
as an undergrad.
122
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,281
Uh, Sparky?
123
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,492
There's more than 29 wild oats
on this list, a lot more.
124
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:34,162
Trix. T. Now, it's not like
I'm one of those silly guys
125
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,581
that keeps track
of how many, uh-
126
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:36,748
All right. Fine.
127
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,458
Every guy is one
of those silly guys-
128
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,794
Stop! The ever-delightful
Fiona Wormwood,
129
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,547
soon to be Fiona Blank,
is indeed numero 29.
130
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,966
But, dude, the list keeps going.
131
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,468
Closing out at...
132
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,511
a hundred and one.
133
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,346
That's impossible.
134
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,223
Wait. April Fool's Day today, isn't it?
135
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,642
That was yesterday.
Today's the second.
136
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,227
Hmm...
137
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,478
One of the guys.
138
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,480
Zack, Chico, Lester-
no, Lester.
139
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,607
Especially Lester.
140
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,192
What better way to mess with me
141
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,526
than by sending me the names of
142
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,528
all the women I've had sex with?
143
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,281
Teasing me
with an obviously made-up roster.
144
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,491
72 more tantalizing
female names to, uh-
145
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,577
Symbolize all the fine trim you'll be sacrificing
146
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,578
once you get married.
147
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,205
Exactly. Yes.
148
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,206
- Hmm.
- Thank you.
149
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,832
Mm-hmm.
150
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,585
You sure you don't have
a Carlotta Valdes shacked up somewhere?
151
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,795
I mean, according to the list,
she's next up.
152
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:27,299
Carlotta Valdes.
153
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:31,094
Followed by Cynthia Rose.
154
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,387
Followed by-
155
00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:34,515
Well, whoever did this
sure put in the hours.
156
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,557
Print it.
157
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,478
Sayonara!
158
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,481
So, now you know.
159
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,150
The last goddamn e-mail.
160
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,027
The list.
161
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,447
Every woman I ever,
followed by every woman I-
162
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,325
You're not still staring at that list.
163
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,702
No comment.
164
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,663
Oh, did I remember to warn you
165
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,957
that you're gonna be kidnapped
from work for your bachelor party?
166
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,674
Whoa!
167
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,926
Hey, Roderick.
How are you doing?
168
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,555
- Ready to party, Rod?
- Oh, no, no.
169
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,807
No one said anything about
this going down at my house.
170
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,808
- Lester.
- What?
171
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,184
This is my house.
172
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:20,894
Fiona gave us permission.
173
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:23,522
Oh, you're insane.
174
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,774
- Interesting e-mail today.
- Mmm!
175
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:27,568
Worry not.
I found a new stripper.
176
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:28,819
Oh, no. Not the stripper crisis.
177
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,947
The, uh, kooky one. The list.
178
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,740
- What list?
- The list of-
179
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:35,075
What are you talking about?
180
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,661
- Names.
- Well, our fair lady's here, gentlemen!
181
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,079
Turn that up!
182
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,831
Rule six.
183
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,584
No ham radio operating.
184
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,586
- Get it? Breasts?
- Aww...
185
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,754
No ham radio operating.
186
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:50,299
Rule seven.
No checking the oil.
187
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,259
- Checking the oil?
- Get it?
188
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:53,594
Vagina!
189
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,470
No checking the oil.
190
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:59,474
- And I loved the touch of adding to the list
- Rule eight...
191
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:01,310
the names of women
I've yet to have sex with.
192
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,896
- No cotton candy.
- What do you mean, man? What list?
193
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,147
Oh. Yeah. "What list?"
194
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,691
Hey! You two jokers
in the back!
195
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,401
Show Precious some respect!
196
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:10,611
This is a bachelor party.
197
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,321
It ain't fun and games.
198
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,615
Who wants to play
musical lap dances?
199
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,617
**
200
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,642
Aw! Too bad!
201
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,144
Goodbye!
202
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,730
**
203
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:59,660
Mm. You call this decadence?
204
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,662
Bro, it was you!
205
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,664
If only women knew.
The bachelor party.
206
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,833
The best commercial for marriage.
207
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,585
Cream for your coffee?
208
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,755
Mm! Uh, no thanks. Carbs.
209
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:16,677
You laughing at the old coot?
210
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,637
Yeah, I'm sorry. I am.
211
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,680
Hey, what about you?
212
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,390
You're walking around
your own party, here,
213
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,684
obsessing about
your former conquests.
214
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:25,143
Well, it's actually
a little more complicated.
215
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:26,311
I was fine until this morning.
216
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,021
I got this crazy list of women-
217
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,399
No! No! No!
I don't wanna see it.
218
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,859
You don't wanna see it.
219
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,111
Hell, you probably sent it
to yourself when you were drunk.
220
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,613
If you're looking for a way out...
221
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,699
Rod, you'll find it.
222
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:40,701
No, it- it's nothing like that.
223
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,119
Stop looking.
224
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,662
Hang in here for another hour.
225
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,205
Get married next week.
Have a kid.
226
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,708
Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot
of money! Have another kid.
227
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,210
- Say, "Thanks, Zack. "
- Okay. Thanks, Zack.
228
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,087
- Mm-hmm.
- Maybe you're right.
229
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:54,756
Yo! Groom.
230
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,717
Grand finale.
231
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,386
Don't worry.
Lester's paid for it.
232
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:01,597
Yikes.
233
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,141
How's that for
ham radio, buddy?
234
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,934
Yeah!
235
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,353
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
236
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:10,522
Give it to me, big boy!
237
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:11,899
Oh, that's the way you like it?
238
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:14,443
Oh, yeah! Harder!
239
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,737
This is my oldest. He's four.
240
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,072
- Fuck me!
- This is your oldest?
241
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,532
Wow. He's a good-looking kid.
242
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,909
He's gonna break a lot of hearts.
243
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:24,203
Yes! Yes!
244
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,747
- Yes!
- Goddammit! Harder!
245
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,582
So are you planning on
having kids with your wife?
246
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:29,666
Well, definitely. Yeah.
247
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,960
But you know, right now, we can't even
agree on what kind of dog to-
248
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:33,712
Whoa! Precious,
I told you I don't want
249
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,130
to cross the line of-
250
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:36,757
Whoa!
251
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,217
Oh, gosh.
252
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,801
I'm so sorry.
253
00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,637
I honestly thought
you were kidding about
254
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,597
all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff.
255
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,642
Can you blame me for the confusion?
256
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:47,851
Well, just because I'm giving you
257
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,436
a standing ovation, my darling,
258
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,855
doesn't mean that we
have to, you know- I-
259
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,899
- I think we better-
- Got it.
260
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,776
That's what I'm talking about.
Doin' it-
261
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,570
Hey, I don't want you to take
any of this personally.
262
00:12:58,654 --> 00:12:59,905
I just- you know.
263
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,783
Goddamn, what kind
of condom is this?
264
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,034
Your fiancée is lucky.
265
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,744
She's got one of the good ones.
266
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,621
I wish I was more into
successful white dudes,
267
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:08,872
but, um-
268
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,833
two broke Latin husbands, and-
269
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,251
Jesus, stop me.
270
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,878
Anyway, man, gracias.
Seriously.
271
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:16,296
Gracias?
272
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:19,424
Um, Precious, your real name
273
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:22,261
wouldn't happen to be Carlotta...
274
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,264
Valdes?
275
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,515
How did y-
276
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,392
Who told you that?
277
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,562
Um, I think your bodyguard
might have mentioned it.
278
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,815
Like that asshole
knows my real name.
279
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:38,235
So, you staying back there, or...
280
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,071
Why is it so quiet in there?
281
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,908
Carlotta Valdes.
282
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,577
Number 30.
283
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,830
This was more than
a bachelor party trick,
284
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,541
more than a loyalty test.
285
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:54,418
This was sex.
286
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,503
And I had a print-out.
287
00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,632
I was in the throes of
a sacrilegious epiphany,
288
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,260
in possession of
a magical document
289
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,221
that promised
an embarrassment of bitches.
290
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,056
And yet, did it
void my earlier,
291
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,726
rather impassioned soliloquy
about how it's time?
292
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,853
To settle down?
To marry Fiona?
293
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,397
Right then, I nobly revowed
294
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,191
my eternal resistance
to other women.
295
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,276
Remember how freaked out you were
when you first noticed
296
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,029
the centerfold was
younger than you?
297
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:24,865
Ah, yes, the...
298
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,618
central trauma of
every American male.
299
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,621
Look at this baby.
300
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,873
And I mean baby.
301
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:37,419
Born in 1984. 1984.
302
00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:39,880
My life was, like, done by '84.
303
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:43,342
- What are her turn-ons?
- Mmm...
304
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,220
Pudding, air hockey,
and pudding.
305
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:49,306
Bimbo said "pudding" twice.
306
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,143
I do like air hockey.
307
00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,896
"Cynthia Rose is
looking for a man
308
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:59,900
who's confident, successful,
with a nice set of abs. "
309
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:02,402
Well, zero out of three ain't bad.
310
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:04,530
What did you say her name was?
311
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,076
Cynthia Rose.
312
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,285
Nice.
313
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:14,873
Oh...
314
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,166
Thank you.
315
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,919
Dude, you're not
gonna buy the issue?
316
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,595
You look like a Carl.
Can I call you Carl?
317
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,347
You talking to me?
318
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:33,934
You ever fantasize
about escaping, Carl?
319
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,853
Escaping this land,
320
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,438
this magical land
of the newsstand,
321
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:41,525
where all the girls
are right about
322
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:45,028
to pull off their panties,
but they never quite do.
323
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,949
Must be kind of frustrating.
324
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,951
Look, if you don't like
the merchandise, babe,
325
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,286
pssht!
326
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,832
Found this on
your dashboard.
327
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,127
It's a unique color.
328
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:03,547
Kinda like the one
the Parkside Peeper wears.
329
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,550
Wait. Uh...
330
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,468
Look, I have a disease.
331
00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:09,970
- Okay?
- Okay.
332
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,972
And you could say that
I, too, am a victim,
333
00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:13,765
- because-
- Hey! No. Carl.
334
00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,726
Don't get me wrong.
335
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,102
I think it's kinda hot.
336
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,064
I mean, how would I know
you were watching
337
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:24,234
if I wasn't watching you?
338
00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:28,030
Wha- You've been
peeping on me peeping?
339
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,907
Mm-hmm.
340
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,159
Oh. That is hot.
341
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:34,036
Wait, I c-
342
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,245
I can't tell if you're playing
343
00:16:35,329 --> 00:16:37,956
some feminazi mindfuck game on me
344
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,834
or if you're really trying to seduce me.
345
00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:46,131
Well, Carl, why don't we go back
to my hotel and find out?
346
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:50,135
Pussy is da' bomb. No?
347
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,639
This is a joke, right?
348
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:58,268
Ten seconds on
the shot clock, Kobe.
349
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,065
Come on! I-
350
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,442
- This stuff only happens in the movies-
- Five-
351
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:08,237
I'm the only one
working this shift, I-
352
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,821
Get out of here.
353
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:12,074
Are you gay?
354
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:15,285
Are you impotent?
355
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:17,746
Or are you just chicken?
356
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:33,929
Honey?
357
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,097
Sweetie, look.
358
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,099
Your tuxedo.
359
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,315
- Rod?
- Perhaps it wasn't
360
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:47,526
time after all.
361
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,903
Don't worry, I didn't cancel
the wedding or anything.
362
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,613
I'm not an asshole.
363
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:54,658
I needed to figure things out.
364
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,994
Of course, I didn't
bring up number 31,
365
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,329
Cynthia "Miss April" Rose.
366
00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:02,124
I stuck to the basics.
367
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:05,127
"It's not you, it's me. "
368
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,254
"I don't want to get married
just to get married. "
369
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:10,716
I think I even threw in
a "things have been crazy at work. "
370
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:13,969
Fiona took it well... too well.
371
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:18,724
I think my sweetie has
a little case of cold feet.
372
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,142
You're nervous.
373
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,602
I'd be scared if you weren't.
374
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,020
It's more than that, Fi.
375
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:27,149
I said, I think my sweetie
has a little case of cold feet.
376
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,358
You're nervous.
377
00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:29,902
I'd be scared if you weren't.
378
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,153
I'm being honest.
379
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,571
We're getting married
in 11 days, Roderick.
380
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:35,157
We are past the point of honesty.
381
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,159
We have a goddamn church booked.
382
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,745
Deposits...
383
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,121
orchids.
384
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:42,456
And you drop this
on me right now
385
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:44,124
before I'm about
to get on a plane
386
00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:46,919
to go away with the girls
to a spa for the weekend,
387
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:48,795
you goddamn son of a-
388
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,299
Orchids...
389
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:58,263
It was one thing to upheave my own life,
390
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:00,390
but to break the heart of another
391
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:02,643
was too much for me.
392
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,979
I told Fiona what
she needed to hear
393
00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:09,358
and provided
the requisite snuggles.
394
00:19:09,441 --> 00:19:11,485
That's when I saw it.
395
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:15,197
No, not that.
396
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,865
This.
397
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:19,159
Pardon my fucking French,
398
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:21,662
but we're talking about
a fucking centerfold here.
399
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:24,414
Fucking a fucking
centerfold, if you will.
400
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,625
And believe me, I will.
401
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:30,838
Last fling like this, I'll never have to look
at another woman again, right?
402
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,089
Right?
403
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,063
Back of the line, bro.
404
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,320
Okay, gentlemen, don't rush.
405
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,909
Get out of the way,
will you?
406
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,080
- Don't push! Get out of my way!
- Come on, man!
407
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,001
Hey, stay in line, please.
408
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,335
I know how to play air hockey!
409
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:11,795
You each get a chance.
410
00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:28,270
Fiona.
411
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:31,648
Hey, Fi...
412
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,108
you're probably
already on the plane.
413
00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:36,278
I just wanted to apologize
again for this morning.
414
00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,864
I don't know what's
going through my head.
415
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,449
- I just-
- Is that your car?
416
00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:43,952
Bad connection. Yeah.
417
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,748
The geeks are revolting.
Like, literally.
418
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,249
My name's Cynthia Rose.
419
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:51,084
- You can call me Cyn.
- Okay.
420
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,381
The guy was so serious.
421
00:20:56,465 --> 00:20:58,008
"You must be
so proud of those. "
422
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,093
I was like,
"Dude, they're my breasts,
423
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,345
they're not my S.A.T. scores. "
424
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,931
So, I thought if I flashed him
he'd shut up,
425
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,308
but who knew the whole store
would flip out?
426
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,559
I'm sorry, I forgot.
427
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:09,561
How long did you say
you've been living on this planet?
428
00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:13,607
Coffee became cocktails,
429
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:17,402
cocktails became dinner,
and dinner became...
430
00:21:18,779 --> 00:21:20,072
You guessed it.
431
00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:22,533
Air hockey.
432
00:21:23,534 --> 00:21:24,910
Darn it!
433
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,203
I thought your centerfold
434
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,913
said air hockey was your game.
435
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,582
Are you always this
suave and arrogant?
436
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:34,002
Well, it's only two
of my many adjectives.
437
00:21:34,086 --> 00:21:35,587
I can't believe
I'm talking like this.
438
00:21:35,671 --> 00:21:38,090
I'm getting married
in less than two weeks.
439
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:42,344
My fiancée is doing this
bachelorette spa thing this weekend-
440
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:43,345
Wait a minute,
you're getting married?
441
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,471
Yep.
442
00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:46,348
Well, why didn't you say so?
443
00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:49,309
That changes everything!
444
00:21:49,393 --> 00:21:50,686
How would you like
to do me a favor?
445
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:52,855
A favor?
What kind of fav-
446
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:57,109
Don't worry.
It'll end in sex.
447
00:21:58,402 --> 00:22:00,362
Yes, number 31, Cynthia Rose.
448
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:02,739
You know this is the most
maniacal shit ever, right?
449
00:22:02,823 --> 00:22:06,076
Trix, I'm sure there's some
logical explanation for all this.
450
00:22:07,828 --> 00:22:09,163
I'm not going to
wait around for it.
451
00:22:09,246 --> 00:22:10,455
Keys?
452
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:13,584
Cynthia Rose wanted to bring
453
00:22:13,667 --> 00:22:16,170
a presentable man
home to Daddy.
454
00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:19,715
The favor would last
another 24 hours.
455
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:22,176
Meeting another father
under the guise of boyfriend
456
00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:24,678
felt more like cheating
than the cheating.
457
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:29,057
But as paper beats rock,
desire beats guilt.
458
00:22:29,141 --> 00:22:31,059
Desire beats everything.
459
00:22:31,143 --> 00:22:32,686
I just said that I like baking,
460
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,397
and the next day, the centerfold
family came up with this concept.
461
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,399
It was like
a built-in kitchen set
462
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:38,400
with this apron that-
463
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:40,402
Don't abuse the word "family. ”
464
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:41,778
You know as well as I do,
465
00:22:41,862 --> 00:22:43,197
they're just making you
an accomplice
466
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,865
in your own exploitation.
467
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:46,408
Well, that's better than
not being an accomplice
468
00:22:46,492 --> 00:22:48,410
in my own exploitation.
469
00:22:48,494 --> 00:22:51,371
You asked me what makes a man,
Roderick, and I'm going to tell you.
470
00:22:51,455 --> 00:22:54,583
Actually, I hadn't asked.
471
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,211
But there was no stopping Victor Rose III.
472
00:22:57,294 --> 00:22:59,963
Yes, her father
was the Victor Rose,
473
00:23:00,047 --> 00:23:02,424
entrepreneur extraordinaire.
474
00:23:02,508 --> 00:23:03,425
Getting to have sex tonight
475
00:23:03,509 --> 00:23:04,843
was going to be more complicated
476
00:23:04,927 --> 00:23:06,011
than I could ever imagine.
477
00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:07,888
My parents believed in tradition,
478
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:10,891
honor, dignity, faith, and free trade,
479
00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:14,269
and separate bedrooms for couples
that are not married.
480
00:23:15,979 --> 00:23:18,690
A toast to the fiery Rose family.
481
00:23:18,774 --> 00:23:20,442
May you-
482
00:23:20,526 --> 00:23:22,319
Sorry, Roderick.
483
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:24,321
Every family has
a sick grandmother,
484
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:26,198
and Granny C just happens to be
485
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:28,158
really old and really scary.
486
00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:30,452
Stop! Mother deserves
some respect,
487
00:23:30,536 --> 00:23:31,995
not to be treated like a leper.
488
00:23:32,079 --> 00:23:35,249
Despite her grotesque skin disease.
489
00:23:39,002 --> 00:23:41,296
Dessert, Roderick?
490
00:23:42,548 --> 00:23:43,465
Are you decent?
491
00:23:43,549 --> 00:23:45,551
Absolutely!
492
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,305
Dessert, Roderick?
493
00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:54,893
Oh. Uh...
494
00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:56,687
You asked if I was decent.
You didn't ask if-
495
00:23:56,770 --> 00:24:00,190
Yes, my roommate in college
always used to do that gag.
496
00:24:00,274 --> 00:24:01,483
It plays better with you.
497
00:24:01,567 --> 00:24:02,484
Lots.
498
00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:05,237
Believe it or not,
you did pretty good tonight.
499
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,530
Great.
500
00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:08,323
That old bear down the hall
501
00:24:08,407 --> 00:24:10,576
is going to be simply crushed
when we break up.
502
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,786
You know, your father
seems pretty serious
503
00:24:12,870 --> 00:24:15,247
about the separate bedroom edict.
504
00:24:15,330 --> 00:24:18,750
The greater the danger,
the greater the thrill.
505
00:24:18,834 --> 00:24:20,919
That's what I say.
506
00:24:21,003 --> 00:24:22,713
Give me five minutes.
507
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:25,257
I'm two doors down to the left.
508
00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:27,926
Some guys have this annoying habit
of stopping to ask me
509
00:24:28,010 --> 00:24:30,512
if they're boinking me too hard.
510
00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:33,223
Don't ask and don't stop.
511
00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:36,393
Foreplay's for losers.
512
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:39,229
Hmm.
513
00:24:39,313 --> 00:24:41,356
Better make that three minutes.
514
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,025
Yeah.
515
00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:28,654
Oh... yes.
516
00:25:31,532 --> 00:25:32,658
What's going on in there?
517
00:25:44,962 --> 00:25:47,172
Ooh, who died?
518
00:25:47,256 --> 00:25:50,008
It's all right, Roderick.
519
00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:52,636
Mother prayed for
this day many times.
520
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:55,222
She's at peace now.
521
00:25:55,305 --> 00:25:57,599
She can keep my son company.
522
00:25:57,683 --> 00:25:59,768
Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy!
523
00:25:59,852 --> 00:26:04,481
Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry.
524
00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:06,692
- You must really-
- Yeah, whatever.
525
00:26:06,775 --> 00:26:09,027
She was ancient
and my brother was a jerk.
526
00:26:09,111 --> 00:26:11,029
What was with you last night?
527
00:26:11,113 --> 00:26:12,239
Why didn't you come?
528
00:26:12,322 --> 00:26:13,615
Come?
529
00:26:13,699 --> 00:26:15,033
With your father
barging in like that,
530
00:26:15,117 --> 00:26:16,368
didn't really leave a lot of time
531
00:26:16,451 --> 00:26:18,495
for either one of us
to hit the jackpot.
532
00:26:18,579 --> 00:26:20,289
You know, as they say,
533
00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:21,498
if at first you don't succeed,
534
00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:23,625
try, try again.
535
00:26:23,709 --> 00:26:24,543
What are you talking about?
536
00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:25,919
Why didn't you come to my room?
537
00:26:26,003 --> 00:26:27,129
I didn't see you at all.
538
00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:28,463
I guess it was
pretty dark, but-
539
00:26:28,547 --> 00:26:29,840
Mother had the strangest,
540
00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:31,884
sweetest, little smile on her face.
541
00:26:31,967 --> 00:26:33,969
I'm convinced that her last moments
542
00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:36,763
on this mortal coil
were ones of pleasure.
543
00:26:38,140 --> 00:26:39,641
When you said
two doors to the left,
544
00:26:39,725 --> 00:26:41,560
did you mean
your left or my left?
545
00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:43,228
What are you talking-
546
00:26:43,312 --> 00:26:46,315
I don't know, I guess
it was my left. Why?
547
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:52,613
Granny C happens to be
really old and...
548
00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:55,782
C. as in Cynthia,
as in Cynthia Rose,
549
00:26:55,866 --> 00:26:57,659
as in number 31 on your list,
550
00:26:57,743 --> 00:27:00,704
as in there's more than one, dipshit!
551
00:27:00,787 --> 00:27:02,873
You fucked my mother!
552
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,184
And if you were to put
your hand on the bun...
553
00:27:24,061 --> 00:27:26,647
I raced home to tell Fiona everything.
554
00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,023
Okay, not everything.
555
00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:29,399
Not anything.
556
00:27:29,483 --> 00:27:31,026
What woman, a week
before her wedding,
557
00:27:31,109 --> 00:27:33,278
wants to hear about
some crazy list of women?
558
00:27:33,362 --> 00:27:35,447
Not to mention, I mean
really not to mention,
559
00:27:35,531 --> 00:27:36,865
her future husband's involvement
560
00:27:36,949 --> 00:27:38,992
with an 88-year-old leper.
561
00:27:39,076 --> 00:27:41,703
I was sure Fiona would
take me into her arms.
562
00:27:41,787 --> 00:27:44,873
- Honey, I'm home!
- Instead, she just took.
563
00:27:44,957 --> 00:27:46,917
I never liked this couch.
564
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,669
Fi?
565
00:27:55,551 --> 00:27:56,969
Fiona, what have you done?
566
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,972
- Why are you-
- You're getting off easy and you know it.
567
00:28:02,683 --> 00:28:04,685
I don't understand.
I adore you.
568
00:28:04,768 --> 00:28:06,311
I want to make you my wife.
569
00:28:06,395 --> 00:28:10,649
It's like you've got
this lost, far-away look,
570
00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:12,943
like you're thinking about
the hundreds of other women
571
00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:14,903
you plan to sleep with
before you die.
572
00:28:14,987 --> 00:28:16,738
Hundreds?
573
00:28:16,822 --> 00:28:17,990
70 at most.
574
00:28:18,073 --> 00:28:19,283
Keep going.
575
00:28:20,450 --> 00:28:23,620
You're the guy
who notices haircuts.
576
00:28:23,704 --> 00:28:26,623
- You never forget Valentine's Day.
- No.
577
00:28:26,707 --> 00:28:29,376
You always have the right,
supportive thing to say,
578
00:28:29,459 --> 00:28:31,795
even if you don't mean it.
579
00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:37,718
You're not some evil,
sexist jerk, Rod.
580
00:28:37,801 --> 00:28:40,596
So who are you?
581
00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:42,431
I am someone that will
love and support you-
582
00:28:42,514 --> 00:28:44,057
Oh.
583
00:28:46,018 --> 00:28:47,769
It's not an oral exam.
584
00:28:50,856 --> 00:28:53,317
I'm going to get up
off this couch now.
585
00:28:54,693 --> 00:28:56,653
I'm going to walk to the door.
586
00:28:59,615 --> 00:29:02,117
Do I want you to stop me?
587
00:29:03,118 --> 00:29:05,204
Yes.
588
00:29:05,287 --> 00:29:11,210
Just as my hand is on the knob,
589
00:29:11,293 --> 00:29:13,962
I want you to tackle me
590
00:29:14,046 --> 00:29:18,717
and hold me and tell me
that you can never let me go,
591
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,011
while tears stream
down both our faces.
592
00:29:22,179 --> 00:29:25,140
But you better mean it, Rod.
593
00:29:25,224 --> 00:29:28,393
Because right now,
594
00:29:28,477 --> 00:29:29,686
you're just one
of the bigger mistakes
595
00:29:29,770 --> 00:29:31,688
I've ever made.
596
00:29:32,731 --> 00:29:35,317
But if you convince me to stay,
597
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:41,323
and you can't back it up
with every inch of your soul,
598
00:29:41,406 --> 00:29:43,700
then you will be a true villain.
599
00:29:54,795 --> 00:29:56,505
- Good call, buddy!
- Ah!
600
00:29:56,588 --> 00:29:58,006
You made the right
decision, Mr. Blank,
601
00:29:58,090 --> 00:29:59,883
but it's not like
you had much of a choice.
602
00:29:59,967 --> 00:30:01,426
Whoo!
603
00:30:05,556 --> 00:30:06,932
Okay, what's happening?
604
00:30:08,350 --> 00:30:11,061
Where am I?
605
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:12,896
Who are you people?
606
00:30:12,980 --> 00:30:14,356
Hello, Mr. Blank.
607
00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:16,984
I'm Alpha, he's Beta,
608
00:30:17,067 --> 00:30:18,694
and that's Fred.
609
00:30:18,819 --> 00:30:21,655
We're here to tell you everything, Mr. Blank.
610
00:30:21,738 --> 00:30:22,906
This isn't a dream,
611
00:30:22,990 --> 00:30:25,284
and it isn't a dream
within a dream, either.
612
00:30:25,367 --> 00:30:26,869
You're not going
to wake up at the end,
613
00:30:26,952 --> 00:30:29,746
and I'm your gardener
and these are your pool boys.
614
00:30:29,830 --> 00:30:31,915
This is about the list, isn't it?
615
00:30:31,999 --> 00:30:34,293
Of course it's about the list!
616
00:30:34,376 --> 00:30:36,170
You must be freaking out.
617
00:30:36,253 --> 00:30:38,589
Seriously, what number
are you at right now-
618
00:30:38,672 --> 00:30:40,007
Down, Fred.
619
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,887
Mr. Blank...
620
00:30:44,970 --> 00:30:46,597
some people you don't know
621
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,764
found some things you don't know
622
00:30:47,848 --> 00:30:50,017
in a place you don't know.
623
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:53,395
And these things have been
very useful in making a new thing.
624
00:30:53,478 --> 00:30:55,522
One that apparently
knows everything.
625
00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:58,025
A thing that knows everything,
626
00:30:58,108 --> 00:31:03,405
like a computer, a supercomputer.
627
00:31:04,406 --> 00:31:07,075
I prefer the word "machine. "
628
00:31:07,159 --> 00:31:10,120
Now, this machine will take
a few lifetimes to figure out,
629
00:31:10,204 --> 00:31:12,873
and I wouldn't go as far
as to call it an oracle,
630
00:31:12,956 --> 00:31:16,460
but it is... oraclesque.
631
00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:20,088
Last week, it sent out
about 2,900 e-mails,
632
00:31:20,172 --> 00:31:22,299
answers to questions nobody asked-
633
00:31:22,382 --> 00:31:25,761
not us, not the e-mail recipients.
634
00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:29,389
Almost everyone received nothing more
than an individual date-
635
00:31:29,473 --> 00:31:33,435
day, month, year.
636
00:31:33,519 --> 00:31:35,521
You're very lucky you didn't
get that one, Mr. Blank.
637
00:31:35,604 --> 00:31:38,524
It was the day
of the recipient's death.
638
00:31:38,607 --> 00:31:40,984
But then there's you.
639
00:31:42,277 --> 00:31:43,737
Yes, a few of the e-mails
640
00:31:43,821 --> 00:31:45,948
drew an unnatural
attention to themselves.
641
00:31:46,031 --> 00:31:50,327
Well, yeah, but yours
is the best, far and away.
642
00:31:50,410 --> 00:31:54,081
A list of everyone you're
going to have sex with?
643
00:31:54,164 --> 00:31:56,834
Oh man, this other poor dick
got the same list.
644
00:31:56,917 --> 00:31:58,085
One name!
645
00:31:58,168 --> 00:32:01,463
The wife that he lost
his virginity to.
646
00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:02,464
What a sap!
647
00:32:02,548 --> 00:32:03,590
- Fred-
- I mean, can you imagine?
648
00:32:03,674 --> 00:32:05,551
Fred!
649
00:32:06,885 --> 00:32:10,138
Mr. Blank, I think you know
where I'm going with this.
650
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,892
If people were to find out
about the machine,
651
00:32:13,976 --> 00:32:15,978
it would cause panic
and confusion and-
652
00:32:16,061 --> 00:32:17,688
You're threatening me?
653
00:32:17,771 --> 00:32:22,150
Not to be a smart-ass.
654
00:32:22,234 --> 00:32:25,988
If your little oracle is for real,
655
00:32:26,071 --> 00:32:27,823
then I can't die
before bedding down
656
00:32:27,906 --> 00:32:30,117
the last lady on the list.
657
00:32:31,535 --> 00:32:33,829
Grand to finally
meet you, Mr. Blank.
658
00:32:33,912 --> 00:32:35,873
The door is at
the end of the hall.
659
00:32:35,956 --> 00:32:38,500
Yeah, and if you
have any questions,
660
00:32:38,584 --> 00:32:40,711
drop in any time, bro.
661
00:32:42,296 --> 00:32:44,590
Can't believe
I believe all this.
662
00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:47,259
But you do,
and we appreciate it.
663
00:32:47,342 --> 00:32:50,387
You've been guaranteed
a robust sex life, Mr. Blank.
664
00:32:50,470 --> 00:32:52,222
That should be enough for you.
665
00:32:52,306 --> 00:32:53,724
Lose the list.
666
00:32:53,807 --> 00:32:56,685
Burn it, bury it,
whatever you need to do.
667
00:32:56,768 --> 00:32:58,437
If you let the list in your life,
668
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,399
it will infect
every fiber of your being.
669
00:33:04,109 --> 00:33:05,068
Bye-bye.
670
00:33:21,627 --> 00:33:23,921
I like him.
671
00:33:24,004 --> 00:33:26,089
He seems sensible.
672
00:33:26,173 --> 00:33:29,551
Hey, hey, uh, almighty, all-knowing guys?
673
00:33:29,635 --> 00:33:34,515
You just confirmed the validity
of a list of 101 sure things.
674
00:33:34,598 --> 00:33:39,311
Okay? So, a list like that,
doesn't get burned or buried.
675
00:33:39,394 --> 00:33:40,771
It gets used.
676
00:33:40,854 --> 00:33:45,359
And I mean, it gets, like,
crazy-montage-sequence used.
677
00:33:45,442 --> 00:33:48,070
"French-New Wave,
learning Gymkata,
678
00:33:48,153 --> 00:33:50,489
I can't believe they could afford
that song" montage.
679
00:33:50,572 --> 00:33:52,825
It's gonna be fucking nuts!
680
00:33:52,908 --> 00:33:54,159
He's just-
681
00:33:54,243 --> 00:33:59,540
He's going to fuck a lot.
682
00:34:07,047 --> 00:34:10,217
**
683
00:34:24,857 --> 00:34:29,027
* I'm surrounded softly *
684
00:34:29,111 --> 00:34:31,530
* By the beat *
685
00:34:33,198 --> 00:34:34,992
* Still dumbfounded *
686
00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:40,998
* By the intolerable heat *
687
00:34:41,081 --> 00:34:45,085
* You came close to me *
688
00:34:45,169 --> 00:34:48,005
* And you danced *
689
00:34:49,464 --> 00:34:52,968
* It came close to *
690
00:34:53,051 --> 00:34:57,723
* Being my last *
691
00:34:57,806 --> 00:35:00,392
* I'll take what's mine *
692
00:35:00,475 --> 00:35:05,147
* Before I regret it *
693
00:35:05,230 --> 00:35:07,524
I'm saving that seat
for a friend.
694
00:35:07,608 --> 00:35:08,567
What's your name?
695
00:35:08,650 --> 00:35:11,528
Kathleen, Mr. Manners.
696
00:35:11,612 --> 00:35:14,031
- That's a shame.
- What did you say?
697
00:35:14,114 --> 00:35:16,533
Oh, I said, it's a nice name.
698
00:35:16,617 --> 00:35:18,160
Roderick Blank.
699
00:35:18,243 --> 00:35:20,621
Ooh, first and last names,
how formal.
700
00:35:20,871 --> 00:35:22,915
- Well...
- Ah.
701
00:35:22,998 --> 00:35:27,211
Here's my standing up friend
and colleague Greta Sampsa.
702
00:35:27,294 --> 00:35:29,171
This is the guy who took your seat.
703
00:35:29,254 --> 00:35:32,382
Greta Sampsa, now that's
a fantastic name.
704
00:35:32,466 --> 00:35:33,509
What would you like?
705
00:35:33,592 --> 00:35:35,677
A slow, nasty fuck
on the coffee table.
706
00:35:35,761 --> 00:35:37,638
Would you like that
with Bacardi or Myer's?
707
00:35:37,721 --> 00:35:40,182
Bacardi.
708
00:35:41,433 --> 00:35:43,143
Did you know I was
talking about a drink?
709
00:35:43,227 --> 00:35:45,229
Maybe, maybe not.
710
00:35:47,940 --> 00:35:52,110
* I'll take what's mine before I... *
711
00:35:52,194 --> 00:35:54,029
This your only piece of ID?
712
00:35:54,112 --> 00:35:55,155
You swear you're
not named after
713
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:56,824
anyone else in your family?
714
00:35:56,907 --> 00:35:58,867
Listen, you're cute and I'm drunk,
715
00:35:58,951 --> 00:36:00,786
and my plane is grounded
until tomorrow,
716
00:36:00,869 --> 00:36:01,995
but if you want to-
717
00:36:02,079 --> 00:36:04,748
* I'll take what's mine *
718
00:36:04,832 --> 00:36:07,584
* Before I... *
719
00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:15,926
Noreen!
720
00:36:20,973 --> 00:36:23,225
Leslie and Yuca!
721
00:36:25,477 --> 00:36:26,436
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Bill.
722
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,605
Enjoy.
723
00:36:30,232 --> 00:36:31,441
Julie!
724
00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,026
* You're having my sex *
725
00:36:33,110 --> 00:36:34,695
* You're sleeping with my wife *
726
00:36:34,778 --> 00:36:38,240
* You're having my kids
and the time of my life *
727
00:36:38,323 --> 00:36:39,700
* You're writing my book *
728
00:36:39,783 --> 00:36:41,535
* You're starring in my film *
729
00:36:41,618 --> 00:36:45,414
* You have the number one
and my number ten *
730
00:36:47,749 --> 00:36:50,961
* We could be such
very good friends *
731
00:36:51,044 --> 00:36:53,297
* If you let me in *
732
00:36:54,673 --> 00:36:57,676
* The higher the gates,
the longer the wait *
733
00:36:57,759 --> 00:37:00,762
* Please let this poor boy sin *
734
00:37:00,846 --> 00:37:02,514
* You're having my sex *
735
00:37:02,598 --> 00:37:04,183
* You're sleeping with my wife *
736
00:37:04,266 --> 00:37:07,311
* You're having my kids
and the time of my life *
737
00:37:07,394 --> 00:37:09,396
* You're writing my book *
738
00:37:09,479 --> 00:37:11,940
* You're starring in my film *
739
00:37:12,024 --> 00:37:15,277
I'd say that
I was mature and content.
740
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,446
But if you have to say
that stuff out loud,
741
00:37:17,529 --> 00:37:19,281
it can't possibly be true.
742
00:37:19,364 --> 00:37:21,742
I thought I was above
all the hot chicks,
743
00:37:21,825 --> 00:37:24,411
high-five,
beer-commercial bullshit.
744
00:37:24,495 --> 00:37:26,872
I was above nothing.
745
00:37:29,124 --> 00:37:30,834
The list was life.
746
00:37:30,918 --> 00:37:32,628
Have a startling and unique day,
747
00:37:32,711 --> 00:37:35,380
- Mr. Blank.
- Thank you.
748
00:37:36,965 --> 00:37:39,426
Wait a second,
how did you know my name?
749
00:37:39,510 --> 00:37:42,346
Swallows is the case study
in my business class.
750
00:37:42,429 --> 00:37:44,181
I thought I'd get some first-hand experience
751
00:37:44,264 --> 00:37:45,807
and make a little money
at the same time.
752
00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:46,808
Very little money.
753
00:37:46,892 --> 00:37:49,686
That's fascinating...
754
00:37:49,770 --> 00:37:51,188
Alexis.
755
00:37:51,271 --> 00:37:53,273
Alexis de Large.
756
00:37:53,357 --> 00:37:54,691
Wait a minute.
757
00:37:54,775 --> 00:37:56,109
How did you know my last name?
758
00:37:56,193 --> 00:37:58,237
Yeah, yeah!
759
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,655
That's the way you like it.
760
00:37:59,738 --> 00:38:02,032
Well, yes, I find
the honey mustard sauce
761
00:38:02,115 --> 00:38:04,618
really brings out the flavor.
762
00:38:04,701 --> 00:38:05,786
Pull my hair.
763
00:38:05,869 --> 00:38:06,870
What?
764
00:38:06,954 --> 00:38:08,288
Up to the window.
765
00:38:09,373 --> 00:38:14,211
Have a startling
and u- u- u-
766
00:38:14,294 --> 00:38:16,338
Is it too late
to squeeze in a cherry pie?
767
00:38:22,261 --> 00:38:23,428
April to August,
768
00:38:23,512 --> 00:38:26,515
I went from number 29
to number 62.
769
00:38:26,598 --> 00:38:28,892
Maybe I was moving too fast.
770
00:38:28,976 --> 00:38:31,228
But then, I guess
I was supposed to.
771
00:38:31,311 --> 00:38:35,065
I crossed out the names,
but remembered the faces.
772
00:38:35,148 --> 00:38:38,360
Their stare, my stare.
773
00:38:38,443 --> 00:38:41,196
We think if we exchange
the meaningful stare,
774
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,365
the meaning will kick in later.
775
00:38:43,448 --> 00:38:45,159
But does it?
776
00:38:45,242 --> 00:38:47,411
One or both of you
try to say something like,
777
00:38:47,494 --> 00:38:49,121
"It's just sex. "
778
00:38:49,204 --> 00:38:50,205
But is it?
779
00:38:51,707 --> 00:38:53,375
You think sending me
a bunch of roses
780
00:38:53,458 --> 00:38:55,169
is going to make me-
781
00:38:55,252 --> 00:38:56,920
You think paying my car insurance
782
00:38:57,045 --> 00:38:59,089
is going to make me forget that you cheat-
783
00:38:59,173 --> 00:39:00,591
A stuffed animal?
784
00:39:00,674 --> 00:39:02,885
I overheard a waitress say
you paid off her car ins-
785
00:39:04,303 --> 00:39:05,429
Earth to Roderick Blank!
786
00:39:05,512 --> 00:39:07,055
Stop having hot sex.
787
00:39:07,139 --> 00:39:09,391
Get your ass up to the house
for a barbeque.
788
00:39:09,474 --> 00:39:11,351
It is my boy Max's birthday.
789
00:39:11,435 --> 00:39:13,645
Or my son Kyle. Be here!
790
00:39:23,363 --> 00:39:24,656
When my wedding was canceled,
791
00:39:24,740 --> 00:39:28,035
there had been a chill
among the married folk.
792
00:39:28,118 --> 00:39:30,329
You'd have thought
I'd left them at the altar.
793
00:39:30,412 --> 00:39:34,541
But now they kind of
like having me around.
794
00:39:37,711 --> 00:39:39,838
The ladies' man.
795
00:39:42,007 --> 00:39:45,385
Lizzie is an amazing
woman, Zack.
796
00:39:45,469 --> 00:39:47,763
I mean, what she's done with that clinic.
797
00:39:47,846 --> 00:39:49,097
The way she's raised
your two kids.
798
00:39:49,181 --> 00:39:51,141
Yeah, yeah, my wife's
a goddamn saint.
799
00:39:51,225 --> 00:39:53,018
Now, this stewardess,
did she say,
800
00:39:53,101 --> 00:39:56,438
"Come on my ass"
or "Come in my ass?"
801
00:39:56,522 --> 00:39:58,440
Oh, Roderick's definition
of having children
802
00:39:58,524 --> 00:40:00,442
is a little different than ours.
803
00:40:00,526 --> 00:40:02,194
Why raise them
when you can pork them?
804
00:40:02,277 --> 00:40:03,445
Ooh!
805
00:40:03,529 --> 00:40:05,239
Lizzie, how many times
do I have to tell you?
806
00:40:05,322 --> 00:40:06,865
I didn't know
she was your niece.
807
00:40:06,949 --> 00:40:10,994
Besides, she's 19- and a half.
808
00:40:11,078 --> 00:40:13,664
And I found her to be
very mature for her age.
809
00:40:14,832 --> 00:40:16,500
- Rod!
- So bad.
810
00:40:17,584 --> 00:40:20,087
Husbands, wives,
811
00:40:20,170 --> 00:40:22,673
kids, families.
812
00:40:22,756 --> 00:40:25,050
It was not just a world
I was supposed to want,
813
00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:27,594
it was a world
I genuinely wanted.
814
00:40:27,678 --> 00:40:29,263
What's life without experiencing
815
00:40:29,346 --> 00:40:31,348
the wonder of a child?
816
00:40:32,683 --> 00:40:35,602
- I named my hamster Dog.
- Oh.
817
00:40:35,686 --> 00:40:39,231
And when I get a dog, I'm going
to name him after you.
818
00:40:39,314 --> 00:40:42,860
Mr. Butt.
819
00:40:48,532 --> 00:40:50,242
You about ready?
820
00:40:52,119 --> 00:40:54,413
Yeah.
821
00:40:57,457 --> 00:40:58,542
You know,
maybe they're right.
822
00:40:58,625 --> 00:41:00,544
I should lower the old periscope
for a while,
823
00:41:00,627 --> 00:41:02,045
hold out for someone special.
824
00:41:02,129 --> 00:41:03,213
Special?
825
00:41:03,297 --> 00:41:05,465
If the subject is
cooking or crab grass,
826
00:41:05,549 --> 00:41:07,217
then you can listen
to married people.
827
00:41:07,301 --> 00:41:08,635
Come on.
828
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,762
You're hitting baskets
from everywhere on the court.
829
00:41:10,846 --> 00:41:13,015
This is no time
to go back to the bench.
830
00:41:13,098 --> 00:41:14,766
Hey. I'm Bob.
831
00:41:14,850 --> 00:41:16,476
- Rod, is it?
- Yeah.
832
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,688
My apologies, I just-
I couldn't help overhearing
833
00:41:19,771 --> 00:41:22,065
your good fortune with
the female of the species.
834
00:41:22,149 --> 00:41:23,525
I'm hoping it'll rub off.
835
00:41:23,609 --> 00:41:25,360
And why is that, kind sir?
836
00:41:25,444 --> 00:41:27,654
Oh, funny story.
837
00:41:27,738 --> 00:41:29,615
One morning
about five months ago,
838
00:41:29,656 --> 00:41:32,159
I came to work, and right there
on my computer screen,
839
00:41:32,242 --> 00:41:34,411
a day, a month and a year.
840
00:41:34,495 --> 00:41:37,039
A date. Today's date.
841
00:41:37,122 --> 00:41:39,583
I'm utterly convinced
that it's a sign.
842
00:41:39,666 --> 00:41:42,127
The night that
I'm to meet my soul mate.
843
00:41:42,169 --> 00:41:43,754
- You had to ask him.
- I've gone as far
844
00:41:43,837 --> 00:41:45,172
as to procure lodgings
down the street
845
00:41:45,255 --> 00:41:47,132
at the Hotel Taboo.
846
00:41:48,592 --> 00:41:49,927
Kind of spicy.
847
00:41:49,968 --> 00:41:52,429
Wait.
848
00:41:52,554 --> 00:41:55,516
You received an unexplained date
as an e-mail?
849
00:41:55,599 --> 00:41:56,725
Yeah.
850
00:41:56,767 --> 00:41:59,436
Your next drink's on me.
851
00:41:59,561 --> 00:42:02,022
Oh, how very kind of you.
852
00:42:08,445 --> 00:42:10,531
**
853
00:42:16,537 --> 00:42:18,956
**
854
00:42:19,039 --> 00:42:20,374
Oh...
855
00:42:29,049 --> 00:42:32,094
I'd like to be the meat
in that fairy sandwich.
856
00:42:32,177 --> 00:42:35,806
So out of your league
in so many ways.
857
00:42:38,225 --> 00:42:41,603
* I need two girls *
858
00:42:41,645 --> 00:42:43,647
* If I can't have you *
859
00:42:43,730 --> 00:42:45,649
Holy lesbo.
860
00:42:45,732 --> 00:42:47,568
Is that Bambi and Thumper?
861
00:42:47,651 --> 00:42:49,194
* I need two girls *
862
00:42:49,278 --> 00:42:51,446
* If I can't have you *
863
00:42:51,488 --> 00:42:53,532
All right, Trix, they're all yours.
864
00:42:53,615 --> 00:42:54,533
I'm out.
865
00:42:54,741 --> 00:42:56,160
Where's he-
866
00:42:56,243 --> 00:42:57,786
What league are we
talking about here?
867
00:42:57,870 --> 00:43:00,581
You don't know Bambi Kidd
and Thumper Wint?
868
00:43:00,664 --> 00:43:02,457
The Euro-Prague rock superstar
869
00:43:02,499 --> 00:43:04,418
and the British astronaut?
870
00:43:04,501 --> 00:43:06,587
Rod! The Blog!
871
00:43:06,670 --> 00:43:08,130
The reality show.
872
00:43:08,213 --> 00:43:10,883
The daily streaming video.
873
00:43:10,966 --> 00:43:13,760
They are the Beyond-Ultimate
Lesbian Power Couple.
874
00:43:13,844 --> 00:43:15,470
They go from town to town,
875
00:43:15,554 --> 00:43:18,182
mm, raising awareness
on important issues
876
00:43:18,265 --> 00:43:20,100
by empowering young women...
877
00:43:20,184 --> 00:43:21,935
and then seducing them.
878
00:43:22,019 --> 00:43:23,645
I'm hoping for an autograph.
879
00:43:25,439 --> 00:43:27,733
Or a three-way.
880
00:43:27,816 --> 00:43:29,776
Oh, back off,
they're looking over here.
881
00:43:29,860 --> 00:43:33,989
My friends,
it's not about buying them flowers.
882
00:43:34,072 --> 00:43:37,451
It's not about pretending
to ignore them.
883
00:43:37,534 --> 00:43:40,829
It's all about just knowing.
884
00:43:40,913 --> 00:43:44,208
I know, easy for me to say.
885
00:43:45,375 --> 00:43:48,420
Bambi and Thumper, was it?
886
00:43:50,589 --> 00:43:53,300
Bambi and Thumper.
887
00:43:53,383 --> 00:43:56,678
W- Why are they staring at you?
888
00:43:56,762 --> 00:43:57,971
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
889
00:43:58,055 --> 00:44:00,015
Don't tell me one of them
is on that fucking list.
890
00:44:00,098 --> 00:44:04,770
- That list of fucking-
- No, one of them is not on the list.
891
00:44:11,235 --> 00:44:14,363
But you see, even before the list,
892
00:44:14,446 --> 00:44:16,824
I always knew just knowing
893
00:44:16,907 --> 00:44:20,619
beats any gift, tactic,
or opening line,
894
00:44:20,702 --> 00:44:22,830
no matter what
the sexual orientation.
895
00:44:22,913 --> 00:44:26,416
* If I can't have you *
896
00:44:27,918 --> 00:44:29,753
* One that I can love *
897
00:44:29,837 --> 00:44:31,713
* To have and to hold *
898
00:44:31,797 --> 00:44:32,756
* One for at the club *
899
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,676
Wish me luck.
900
00:44:35,759 --> 00:44:38,929
I may be coming in late tomorrow.
901
00:44:39,012 --> 00:44:40,013
Rod?
902
00:44:48,105 --> 00:44:50,482
Hey, Rod! Hey!
903
00:44:50,566 --> 00:44:52,734
Hey, I found her!
904
00:44:52,818 --> 00:44:54,069
She's the one!
905
00:44:54,153 --> 00:44:56,155
Can you- What a night!
906
00:44:58,657 --> 00:45:01,034
What a night, indeed.
907
00:45:01,118 --> 00:45:04,496
Hey, have you thought any more
about my offer, my love?
908
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:06,748
I mean, yours are nice,
don't get me wrong.
909
00:45:06,832 --> 00:45:08,542
Really, really nice,
910
00:45:08,625 --> 00:45:11,044
but is there really
such a thing as too big?
911
00:45:11,128 --> 00:45:15,132
- Let's just enjoy this moment.
- All right.
912
00:45:15,215 --> 00:45:17,342
Just, you know, with my position
at the company,
913
00:45:17,426 --> 00:45:19,928
I get a 40% discount on
whatever kind of implant you want.
914
00:45:20,012 --> 00:45:20,929
Hey, Bob.
915
00:45:21,013 --> 00:45:23,557
Seriously, enjoy the moment.
916
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:25,475
Okay. You win.
917
00:45:27,352 --> 00:45:30,939
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
918
00:45:31,023 --> 00:45:34,985
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
919
00:45:35,068 --> 00:45:39,031
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
920
00:45:39,114 --> 00:45:42,910
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
921
00:45:44,161 --> 00:45:45,078
Drink?
922
00:45:47,164 --> 00:45:49,124
Don't mind if I do.
923
00:45:52,878 --> 00:45:55,923
Is the gentleman surprised
that he's here?
924
00:45:56,006 --> 00:45:57,216
No, the gentleman is not.
925
00:45:57,299 --> 00:45:59,676
Oh! Did you hear that,
Miss Kidd?
926
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:01,637
He's very cocky.
927
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:04,598
Accent on the cock, Miss Wint.
928
00:46:08,352 --> 00:46:09,937
Boy, my assistant
is gonna kill me-
929
00:46:10,020 --> 00:46:12,856
That is so sweet.
He is trying to talk to us.
930
00:46:12,940 --> 00:46:17,486
Man-guy, just sign the confidentiality
agreement on the table.
931
00:46:17,569 --> 00:46:18,487
Now.
932
00:46:18,570 --> 00:46:21,490
The kind sir does understand
933
00:46:21,573 --> 00:46:24,201
a vegan doesn't tell her friends
934
00:46:24,284 --> 00:46:27,246
that she just wolfed down
a greasy cheeseburger.
935
00:46:29,957 --> 00:46:33,168
Yes, the kind sir
understands... kind of.
936
00:46:34,336 --> 00:46:35,879
Bottoms up.
937
00:47:25,053 --> 00:47:26,680
Whoa!
938
00:47:26,763 --> 00:47:30,017
Looks like everyone's having
a good time tonight, huh?
939
00:47:30,100 --> 00:47:31,602
So what do you say
about round two?
940
00:47:31,685 --> 00:47:33,061
I may need a little
in about 30 minutes.
941
00:47:33,145 --> 00:47:35,147
And I'd like you to meet
my family, if that's okay.
942
00:47:35,230 --> 00:47:37,107
I was thinking, I'm from, uh-
943
00:47:39,693 --> 00:47:41,612
Oh, my God!
Is that paint?
944
00:47:41,695 --> 00:47:43,238
Does that come off?
945
00:47:43,322 --> 00:47:44,448
Wh- why would you do that?
946
00:47:44,531 --> 00:47:45,991
I put this room
on my credit card.
947
00:47:46,074 --> 00:47:48,118
What are you trying to do,
imitate that disturbed woman
948
00:47:48,202 --> 00:47:49,411
who's going around...
949
00:47:51,205 --> 00:47:52,122
Oh, dear.
950
00:47:53,832 --> 00:47:55,876
What can I say, Bob?
951
00:47:55,959 --> 00:47:59,087
Some dreams are
too true to be good.
952
00:47:59,171 --> 00:48:01,965
Well, I must say,
you're being a real cun-
953
00:48:02,049 --> 00:48:03,926
uh- I didn't say it-
954
00:48:04,009 --> 00:48:06,386
cunning woman, you are.
955
00:48:06,470 --> 00:48:08,722
That's what I was-
I was g- help?
956
00:48:08,805 --> 00:48:10,807
Ow! I was faking it!
957
00:48:10,891 --> 00:48:12,684
Don't tell me you
were faking it, Miss Kidd.
958
00:48:12,768 --> 00:48:15,103
I know when you're faking it,
and you did that thing with your toes!
959
00:48:15,187 --> 00:48:18,440
- No...
- Bambi, Thumper, please, don't fight.
960
00:48:18,524 --> 00:48:20,192
You said you wouldn't
get jealous, Miss Wint!
961
00:48:22,110 --> 00:48:23,946
Okay. Maybe fight
a little more.
962
00:48:24,029 --> 00:48:27,032
This is not about sex!
This is about intimacy!
963
00:48:27,115 --> 00:48:28,242
Real intimacy!
964
00:48:28,325 --> 00:48:29,493
That's it.
Turn the cameras off.
965
00:48:29,576 --> 00:48:31,161
Keep the camera rolling!
966
00:48:31,245 --> 00:48:33,080
Cameras? Rolling?
967
00:48:33,163 --> 00:48:35,999
Oh, no, no. No, this is crazy.
You can't film this!
968
00:48:36,083 --> 00:48:39,002
Well, you did know the confidentiality
agreement's really a release form.
969
00:48:39,086 --> 00:48:40,254
Haven't you seen our show?
970
00:48:40,337 --> 00:48:43,465
Don't you change
the subject, Star Whore.
971
00:48:49,137 --> 00:48:51,348
Help me, somebody!
It's her! She's here!
972
00:48:51,431 --> 00:48:53,100
I think they're kind of having
973
00:48:53,183 --> 00:48:55,602
some problems of
their own there, Bob.
974
00:48:55,686 --> 00:48:56,937
Please! Just tell me
what you want from me!
975
00:48:57,020 --> 00:48:58,814
Why don't you sleep on it, Bob?
976
00:48:59,731 --> 00:49:01,900
Take forever, if you have to.
977
00:49:01,984 --> 00:49:03,026
Don't. Please. Please.
978
00:49:03,110 --> 00:49:04,653
Please wait. Just wait. Wait.
979
00:49:04,736 --> 00:49:05,946
I- This is not fair.
980
00:49:06,029 --> 00:49:07,865
It's not like I hit you,
or roofied you,
981
00:49:07,948 --> 00:49:10,325
or openly exploited you in-
982
00:49:10,409 --> 00:49:12,703
Oh, this is the breast
implant thing? Okay.
983
00:49:12,786 --> 00:49:14,037
Look, I'm just
the company accountant.
984
00:49:14,121 --> 00:49:16,582
I keep the books! Please!
985
00:49:16,665 --> 00:49:19,543
All I need to know is, why?
I deserve a good reason-
986
00:49:19,626 --> 00:49:21,545
Why do men always
get to have reasons?
987
00:49:21,628 --> 00:49:24,923
Did you think women get to have
reasons when they get attacked?
988
00:49:25,007 --> 00:49:27,050
I want everyone on red alert here.
989
00:49:27,134 --> 00:49:30,345
Although you do bring up
a legitimate point.
990
00:49:30,429 --> 00:49:32,347
I mean, you're not
Master Bitchslap
991
00:49:32,431 --> 00:49:34,600
or the Parkside Peeper.
992
00:49:34,683 --> 00:49:37,102
Or even that captain
of the lacrosse team, who-
993
00:49:37,186 --> 00:49:38,353
Whoap!
994
00:49:41,356 --> 00:49:42,274
Bob?
995
00:49:42,357 --> 00:49:44,651
Oh... Bob.
996
00:49:46,612 --> 00:49:49,698
Aw, pilgrim.
997
00:49:51,658 --> 00:49:53,410
Guess it was just your time.
998
00:50:00,876 --> 00:50:03,003
Oh, yeah...
999
00:50:03,086 --> 00:50:04,755
What a night.
1000
00:50:15,140 --> 00:50:17,267
What time do you have to
be down at the new location?
1001
00:50:17,351 --> 00:50:19,394
Trixie?
1002
00:50:19,478 --> 00:50:21,396
Hey, I'm sorry about last night.
1003
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:22,731
If it makes you feel any better,
1004
00:50:22,815 --> 00:50:25,359
it was the most
traumatic night of my-
1005
00:50:25,442 --> 00:50:27,194
Okay, well, it wasn't all bad, but...
1006
00:50:27,277 --> 00:50:29,905
I'm sorry. It's always been a fantasy
to be with two women at once.
1007
00:50:29,988 --> 00:50:33,617
You know, lesbians,
rock stars, astronauts.
1008
00:50:33,700 --> 00:50:34,827
Okay, maybe not astronauts.
1009
00:50:34,910 --> 00:50:37,496
But you know, sexy female
space travelers.
1010
00:50:37,579 --> 00:50:39,289
You're giving the finger
to the intercom box, aren't you?
1011
00:50:39,373 --> 00:50:41,667
I know. I know.
1012
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:43,252
I lied about 'em
being on the list.
1013
00:50:43,335 --> 00:50:45,504
The list. Damn it!
1014
00:50:45,796 --> 00:50:47,548
Don't get me wrong,
a piece of paper that tells me
1015
00:50:47,631 --> 00:50:48,966
whether or not
I'm gonna get lucky,
1016
00:50:49,049 --> 00:50:51,009
you're not gonna say
anything bad about, but...
1017
00:50:51,093 --> 00:50:53,428
it's- it's like...
1018
00:50:53,512 --> 00:50:55,264
watching a tape
of a football game,
1019
00:50:55,347 --> 00:50:56,223
and you know your team wins.
1020
00:50:56,306 --> 00:50:57,850
It's not unenjoyable,
1021
00:50:57,933 --> 00:51:00,227
but can it really compare
to watching the game live,
1022
00:51:00,310 --> 00:51:01,854
and they're going for it
on the fourth down?
1023
00:51:01,937 --> 00:51:03,814
- And you don't know if-
- Sports metaphors...
1024
00:51:03,897 --> 00:51:05,357
aren't my thing.
1025
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:07,234
But it sounds like you're going for
1026
00:51:07,317 --> 00:51:08,360
"The thrill of the pursuit
1027
00:51:08,443 --> 00:51:10,237
is more exciting than the conquest. "
1028
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:11,238
I can't help it!
1029
00:51:11,321 --> 00:51:12,406
I mean, I see the name,
1030
00:51:12,489 --> 00:51:14,324
I want to find her and meet her,
1031
00:51:14,408 --> 00:51:17,119
so I can cross her out,
and I can get to the next name.
1032
00:51:17,953 --> 00:51:19,746
I'm not in control
of my own destiny.
1033
00:51:19,830 --> 00:51:21,165
That may be true.
1034
00:51:21,248 --> 00:51:23,083
But you're not
supposed to know that!
1035
00:51:23,167 --> 00:51:26,670
You're meddling with
the primal forces of nature.
1036
00:51:26,753 --> 00:51:30,299
I mean, my God.
Am I on the list, too?
1037
00:51:30,382 --> 00:51:32,176
I mean-
1038
00:51:37,389 --> 00:51:38,932
Ah. Whew.
1039
00:51:40,350 --> 00:51:42,311
You got scared
there a little, didn't you?
1040
00:51:42,394 --> 00:51:44,521
- Oh, you were more scared.
- Yes.
1041
00:51:45,314 --> 00:51:47,107
Trixie?
1042
00:51:47,191 --> 00:51:48,901
What if I were meant
to be with these women,
1043
00:51:48,984 --> 00:51:50,277
no matter what?
1044
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,821
What if you were meant
to bury the list,
1045
00:51:52,905 --> 00:51:55,032
and calm the heck down?
1046
00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:56,533
You know...
1047
00:51:56,617 --> 00:52:00,329
if we bury the list, guess what?
1048
00:52:00,412 --> 00:52:03,248
You were meant to bury the list.
1049
00:52:03,332 --> 00:52:04,625
Live your life.
1050
00:52:04,708 --> 00:52:07,961
Whatever happens, happens.
1051
00:52:10,380 --> 00:52:12,508
You know, it's a sheet
of paper, not a body.
1052
00:52:14,176 --> 00:52:15,844
Sheet of paper, not a body!
1053
00:52:18,514 --> 00:52:19,556
Yeah. It's time.
1054
00:52:21,517 --> 00:52:23,268
- Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Breathe.
1055
00:52:23,352 --> 00:52:24,436
Breathe, Roderick!
1056
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:27,189
Yeah! Breathe!
1057
00:52:27,272 --> 00:52:29,399
Yes, I have deleted
all remnants of the list
1058
00:52:29,483 --> 00:52:31,026
on my hard drive.
1059
00:52:31,109 --> 00:52:33,779
But remember, oh weak one, we are
putting a tulip to mark this spot.
1060
00:52:33,862 --> 00:52:36,031
If you wuss out, we will dig it up.
1061
00:52:36,114 --> 00:52:37,658
- Wait. One more name?
- Oh, Rod!
1062
00:52:37,741 --> 00:52:39,409
Please?
1063
00:52:40,577 --> 00:52:42,538
Couple of letters
I'm gonna give ya.
1064
00:52:43,539 --> 00:52:44,456
Dr. Mir-
1065
00:52:45,874 --> 00:52:47,668
Please, one more letter.
1066
00:52:47,751 --> 00:52:49,920
What's that gonna make?
One letter- no!
1067
00:52:51,964 --> 00:52:54,049
Don't grab it!
1068
00:52:54,132 --> 00:52:55,092
Mir- Mir-
1069
00:52:55,175 --> 00:52:56,218
- One more letter!
- That's it!
1070
00:52:56,301 --> 00:52:58,053
We're ready!
1071
00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,432
I'm starting to take
a liking to Trixie.
1072
00:53:02,516 --> 00:53:04,142
I think she's
a very good influence.
1073
00:53:04,226 --> 00:53:05,978
It's not gonna happen, Beta.
1074
00:53:06,061 --> 00:53:08,814
You can't bury
something that precious.
1075
00:53:11,191 --> 00:53:14,027
Death Nell took
her tenth victim last night.
1076
00:53:14,111 --> 00:53:15,362
- Hm?
- That double-digit rule.
1077
00:53:15,445 --> 00:53:17,990
When a serial killer
hits ten, we get called.
1078
00:53:18,073 --> 00:53:20,242
We- Like we don't have
enough on our plate?
1079
00:53:20,325 --> 00:53:21,952
I thought she only did comas!
1080
00:53:22,035 --> 00:53:23,787
Not last night.
1081
00:53:23,871 --> 00:53:25,122
But on the side of the bright,
1082
00:53:25,205 --> 00:53:27,291
home base says the machine
has taken an interest.
1083
00:53:27,374 --> 00:53:30,085
No way he's really doing it!
1084
00:53:30,169 --> 00:53:32,004
- Ready?
- Quick. Before I change my mind.
1085
00:53:32,087 --> 00:53:35,215
Way to go, Roderick.
1086
00:53:35,299 --> 00:53:37,009
Way to go.
1087
00:53:40,846 --> 00:53:42,055
Rod, you're missing this.
1088
00:53:42,139 --> 00:53:43,473
They crossed into our territory.
1089
00:53:43,557 --> 00:53:44,933
We could lose this.
1090
00:53:45,017 --> 00:53:47,269
I know. Isn't it exciting?
1091
00:53:47,352 --> 00:53:49,271
If we blow it again in their red zone,
1092
00:53:49,354 --> 00:53:50,981
it's gonna leave a bad
taste in my mouth.
1093
00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:52,274
That's what your boyfriend
said last night.
1094
00:53:52,399 --> 00:53:55,027
- Hey...
- Lester, what are you feeding your turtle?
1095
00:53:55,110 --> 00:53:57,321
Ugh. Anything that
will make him sick.
1096
00:53:57,404 --> 00:53:58,906
I'm sorry, Skippy.
1097
00:53:58,989 --> 00:54:01,325
But Daddy's gotta see
that veterinarian.
1098
00:54:01,408 --> 00:54:02,993
What?
This is nothing!
1099
00:54:03,076 --> 00:54:04,870
I saw this freak in a parking lot
1100
00:54:04,953 --> 00:54:07,039
try to shove a bottle opener
in a Great Dane's ass,
1101
00:54:07,122 --> 00:54:08,290
just to get an
emergency appointment.
1102
00:54:08,373 --> 00:54:10,167
Are you talking about
the vet over on Vera Donna?
1103
00:54:10,292 --> 00:54:12,544
- Oh...
- Lizzie threatened to put Mr. Whiskers to sleep
1104
00:54:12,628 --> 00:54:13,879
if I went near that place again.
1105
00:54:13,962 --> 00:54:16,173
- She is so pretty.
- Mmm.
1106
00:54:16,256 --> 00:54:17,758
But not in like a, "I'm a model,
1107
00:54:17,841 --> 00:54:19,051
don't fucking look at me" way.
1108
00:54:19,134 --> 00:54:22,012
- And she's just so smart and funny.
- Yes.
1109
00:54:22,095 --> 00:54:24,264
And you know what I love about her?
My favorite thing.
1110
00:54:24,348 --> 00:54:25,599
- The way she cracks her neck.
- Mmm-mm-mm.
1111
00:54:25,682 --> 00:54:28,227
- What about that silver anklet of hers?
- Ohh...
1112
00:54:28,310 --> 00:54:30,020
You know, if you can't
make it to the clinic,
1113
00:54:30,103 --> 00:54:31,438
you should try the gym
on Wednesday,
1114
00:54:31,522 --> 00:54:33,232
or Trader Joe's on Thursday.
1115
00:54:33,315 --> 00:54:34,900
- Well, I do like Trader Joe's.
- Yeah.
1116
00:54:34,983 --> 00:54:36,360
It's all on the
Dr. Miranda Storm website.
1117
00:54:36,443 --> 00:54:37,694
Yeah, it's a website.
I've been there.
1118
00:54:37,778 --> 00:54:40,989
It's put together by one of these
real stalker geek types.
1119
00:54:41,073 --> 00:54:43,283
Oh, thank God
you're not one of those.
1120
00:54:43,367 --> 00:54:45,327
Ladies, we've got
a football game going on here.
1121
00:54:45,410 --> 00:54:47,371
Enough talking about
the X chromosome.
1122
00:54:47,454 --> 00:54:50,582
Especially the almighty
Dr. Miranda-
1123
00:54:52,668 --> 00:54:54,211
Dr. Mir-
1124
00:54:57,172 --> 00:54:58,298
Is he smirking?
1125
00:54:58,382 --> 00:54:59,383
You're smirking.
Why is Rod smirking?
1126
00:54:59,466 --> 00:55:00,926
Interception!
1127
00:55:01,009 --> 00:55:02,344
You see it?
1128
00:55:04,012 --> 00:55:05,389
I told you!
I told you!
1129
00:55:05,472 --> 00:55:07,891
Yes! Oh, yes!
1130
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:13,230
Phew. Perfecto.
1131
00:55:13,313 --> 00:55:15,858
I can still make Miranda's
4:20 Starbucks appearance.
1132
00:55:15,941 --> 00:55:16,984
She orders a...
1133
00:55:17,067 --> 00:55:18,527
Macchiato with extra foam.
1134
00:55:18,610 --> 00:55:20,779
I could use some caffeine myself.
I'll come with.
1135
00:55:20,863 --> 00:55:23,323
No, you're not getting anywhere
near her, Midas Dick.
1136
00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:24,575
Fine. I'll go to Deitrich's, then.
1137
00:55:24,658 --> 00:55:25,784
I got work to do, anyway.
1138
00:55:25,868 --> 00:55:27,119
Please, Rod.
1139
00:55:27,202 --> 00:55:29,037
Just this one time,
don't seduce this-
1140
00:55:30,497 --> 00:55:33,458
Oh, diarrhea! Yes!
1141
00:56:15,709 --> 00:56:15,792
You always carry
a bottle opener?
1142
00:56:15,792 --> 00:56:19,254
This little guy?
He's been through a lot.
1143
00:56:19,338 --> 00:56:22,174
I quit my job today because
of this bottle opener.
1144
00:56:22,257 --> 00:56:25,093
Not-so-great day.
Long story.
1145
00:56:28,263 --> 00:56:29,806
Why were you staring at me?
1146
00:56:29,890 --> 00:56:32,184
Oh, don't worry, Doc.
I'm not one of your stalkers.
1147
00:56:32,267 --> 00:56:35,521
If I were, I'd be at Starbucks
about now, wouldn't I?
1148
00:56:35,604 --> 00:56:38,023
You've seen the website.
1149
00:56:38,106 --> 00:56:39,608
No. I've-
I've heard about it.
1150
00:56:39,691 --> 00:56:41,109
I've heard about you.
1151
00:56:41,193 --> 00:56:43,946
Really. Well, you missed out.
1152
00:56:44,029 --> 00:56:45,405
It's quite good.
1153
00:56:45,489 --> 00:56:49,034
It's got great graphics,
challenging quizzes.
1154
00:56:49,117 --> 00:56:53,038
It's obviously caused me
to rearrange my rituals.
1155
00:56:56,959 --> 00:56:58,836
You're not gonna use
your spoon, are you?
1156
00:57:14,935 --> 00:57:17,187
Okay. The bottle opener,
I'm gonna let slide.
1157
00:57:17,271 --> 00:57:20,065
But the spoon?
Start talking.
1158
00:57:20,190 --> 00:57:22,359
A place like this,
it gives you a knife,
1159
00:57:22,442 --> 00:57:24,778
a fork, a spoon,
wrapped in a napkin.
1160
00:57:24,862 --> 00:57:26,405
Now the knife,
the fork, the napkin,
1161
00:57:26,488 --> 00:57:27,906
they all get used.
1162
00:57:27,990 --> 00:57:30,659
Most cafe items,
they don't call for a spoon.
1163
00:57:30,742 --> 00:57:33,370
But that little guy, he gets thrown
in the washing machine,
1164
00:57:33,453 --> 00:57:36,206
over and over,
time and time again.
1165
00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:38,292
Without a sense of worth.
1166
00:57:39,585 --> 00:57:41,295
Not only compassionate
to furry creatures,
1167
00:57:41,378 --> 00:57:43,088
but inanimate objects as well.
1168
00:57:43,172 --> 00:57:46,717
There's gonna be some fun
in the chat room tonight.
1169
00:57:48,051 --> 00:57:50,387
You're doing it again.
1170
00:57:50,470 --> 00:57:55,058
That funny, charming
staring thing.
1171
00:57:57,686 --> 00:57:59,021
It's not unpleasant.
1172
00:58:00,772 --> 00:58:04,902
But you should know that I... recently got out
1173
00:58:04,985 --> 00:58:07,154
of a very bad relationship, so I'm-
1174
00:58:07,237 --> 00:58:10,991
Yeah, I just got out of
a lot of bad relationships.
1175
00:58:11,074 --> 00:58:12,659
I promise I won't
fall in love with you
1176
00:58:12,743 --> 00:58:15,496
as long as you promise you won't
fall in love with me.
1177
00:58:18,832 --> 00:58:20,250
Oh, I promise.
1178
00:58:26,381 --> 00:58:28,759
Favorite Vonnegut.
One, two, three.
1179
00:58:28,842 --> 00:58:30,177
Cat's Cradle.
1180
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:32,554
Favorite Dylan.
One, two, three.
1181
00:58:32,638 --> 00:58:34,848
Nashville Skyline.
1182
00:58:36,725 --> 00:58:40,020
Funniest movie ever made.
One, two, three.
1183
00:58:40,103 --> 00:58:41,647
- Some Like It Hot.
- Caddyshack.
1184
00:58:41,730 --> 00:58:42,981
Oh. Guys in dresses.
1185
00:58:43,065 --> 00:58:45,567
That's really reinventing
the wheel there, Roderick.
1186
00:58:45,651 --> 00:58:47,528
A woman who likes
Caddyshack.
1187
00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:48,737
Who wouldn't like Caddyshack?
1188
00:58:48,821 --> 00:58:50,781
Favorite porno? One, two, three.
1189
00:58:52,741 --> 00:58:54,868
All those tingling thrill-of-the-pursuit
1190
00:58:54,952 --> 00:58:56,495
feelings came flooding back.
1191
00:58:56,578 --> 00:58:58,914
So then came wish three.
1192
00:58:58,997 --> 00:59:00,749
I said I wanted
a pumpkin as a head.
1193
00:59:03,085 --> 00:59:05,337
Sure, I had the whole
"Dr. Mir" thing,
1194
00:59:05,420 --> 00:59:08,215
from my peek at the list, to clue me
into where Miranda and I were heading.
1195
00:59:08,298 --> 00:59:10,634
But this would be
more than a romance.
1196
00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:13,679
More than a mere
checking-off of a name.
1197
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:16,807
This would be love.
1198
00:59:16,890 --> 00:59:18,642
Why rush the sex?
1199
00:59:18,725 --> 00:59:20,811
- Okay.
- All day, people wheel
1200
00:59:20,894 --> 00:59:22,646
and take back
the carts in the front.
1201
00:59:22,729 --> 00:59:24,481
And this poor bastard
in the middle
1202
00:59:24,606 --> 00:59:26,733
- probably hasn't been pushed in months.
- Tragic.
1203
00:59:26,817 --> 00:59:28,402
It's tr- you know what?
It is. Help.
1204
00:59:28,485 --> 00:59:30,821
You know, you say you've been looking
for an idea for a children's book.
1205
00:59:30,904 --> 00:59:32,948
How about all these
inanimate objects of yours?
1206
00:59:33,031 --> 00:59:35,701
The spoon that never gets used.
1207
00:59:35,784 --> 00:59:38,704
The missing sock that
reunites with his twin.
1208
00:59:38,787 --> 00:59:41,915
The multi-CD player that
tragically gets turned off
1209
00:59:41,999 --> 00:59:44,042
seconds before proudly finishing
1210
00:59:44,126 --> 00:59:46,211
a five-disc shuffle.
1211
00:59:48,672 --> 00:59:50,007
That's so it.
1212
00:59:50,090 --> 00:59:51,550
Yes, it is.
1213
00:59:52,801 --> 00:59:53,802
Roderick...
1214
00:59:56,263 --> 00:59:58,682
I've been looking
for you all my life.
1215
01:00:06,023 --> 01:00:07,691
You're the best!
1216
01:00:07,774 --> 01:00:10,486
Come on. Get out.
1217
01:00:10,652 --> 01:00:13,614
Okay. The cheek thing had thrown me a bit.
1218
01:00:13,697 --> 01:00:15,866
But there's nothing
like a warm kiss
1219
01:00:15,949 --> 01:00:17,951
coming after a delicious
home-cooked meal.
1220
01:00:18,035 --> 01:00:20,204
Compliments to the chef.
1221
01:00:20,287 --> 01:00:24,333
Hmm.
1222
01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:27,169
- Yup. I was back in the kitchen.
- Yeah?
1223
01:00:27,252 --> 01:00:30,005
And the chef thinks
you're pretty great, too.
1224
01:00:31,882 --> 01:00:33,884
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just- just not-
1225
01:00:33,967 --> 01:00:35,636
- No, no, no, no. It's okay.
- I'm just feeling-
1226
01:00:35,719 --> 01:00:36,845
Just relax. It's okay-
1227
01:00:36,929 --> 01:00:39,264
- No, Roderick.
- It's all right.
1228
01:00:41,975 --> 01:00:43,894
I adore you.
1229
01:00:43,977 --> 01:00:46,021
I do.
1230
01:00:46,104 --> 01:00:47,815
I'm just...
1231
01:00:47,898 --> 01:00:49,233
screwed up about sex.
1232
01:00:49,316 --> 01:00:50,526
Ah, it's okay-
1233
01:00:50,609 --> 01:00:52,694
I mean, you're handsome.
1234
01:00:52,778 --> 01:00:54,530
Devilishly so,
if you must know.
1235
01:00:55,697 --> 01:01:00,160
It's just... you so remind me
1236
01:01:00,244 --> 01:01:01,912
of the guy my mom went out with,
1237
01:01:01,995 --> 01:01:03,705
after the divorce, Rockin' Randy.
1238
01:01:03,789 --> 01:01:04,748
He ran the surf shop.
1239
01:01:04,832 --> 01:01:08,669
And he was a cross
between you and Bam-Bam
1240
01:01:08,669 --> 01:01:10,879
from The Flintstones.
1241
01:01:10,963 --> 01:01:12,381
Listen, okay, look.
1242
01:01:12,464 --> 01:01:14,383
I'm not saying nothing's
ever gonna happen between us.
1243
01:01:14,466 --> 01:01:16,385
I'm not saying that. I'm just-
1244
01:01:18,554 --> 01:01:20,389
I'm just saying
if it's gonna happen...
1245
01:01:21,807 --> 01:01:23,058
it's just gonna happen.
1246
01:01:23,142 --> 01:01:25,102
- Yeah.
- Right?
1247
01:01:25,185 --> 01:01:26,562
Yeah.
1248
01:01:26,645 --> 01:01:28,105
Really, why worry about it?
1249
01:01:30,607 --> 01:01:31,650
You're the best.
1250
01:01:32,985 --> 01:01:34,570
I'm gonna clean up.
1251
01:01:35,821 --> 01:01:38,323
You can pick out another DVD.
1252
01:01:38,407 --> 01:01:39,867
Something funny.
1253
01:01:48,959 --> 01:01:50,294
I guess you could say
1254
01:01:50,377 --> 01:01:53,046
that's when the madness set in.
1255
01:01:53,130 --> 01:01:55,090
Thanks.
1256
01:01:55,174 --> 01:01:57,968
So Miranda and I went to
the Fellini retrospective yesterday.
1257
01:01:58,051 --> 01:02:00,929
Oh, she said the coolest thing.
1258
01:02:01,013 --> 01:02:03,515
- If Marcelo were alive-
- Have you fucked her yet?
1259
01:02:05,726 --> 01:02:07,227
What is with that question?
1260
01:02:07,311 --> 01:02:08,937
Have you fucked her yet?
1261
01:02:09,021 --> 01:02:10,314
Have you fucked her yet?
1262
01:02:10,397 --> 01:02:12,441
Son...
1263
01:02:12,524 --> 01:02:13,817
have you fucked her yet?
1264
01:02:13,901 --> 01:02:15,027
Yo, Rod, have you fucked her-
1265
01:02:15,110 --> 01:02:16,320
Hey, have you-
1266
01:02:23,702 --> 01:02:24,912
Let me tell you something.
1267
01:02:24,995 --> 01:02:28,290
Miranda and I are building
a bond of trust and respect.
1268
01:02:28,373 --> 01:02:30,876
Excuse me for still believing
that love is something
1269
01:02:30,959 --> 01:02:34,129
more than a sloppy
fusion of genitalia.
1270
01:02:34,213 --> 01:02:36,465
Miranda, we need
to discuss something.
1271
01:02:36,548 --> 01:02:39,468
- I-
- Oh, shit.
1272
01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:41,470
- Shit, shit, shit.
- You okay?
1273
01:02:41,553 --> 01:02:43,138
Hide me.
No, just hide me.
1274
01:02:43,222 --> 01:02:44,223
Sure.
1275
01:02:44,306 --> 01:02:47,142
There's
a Frida Kahlo-looking dude.
1276
01:02:47,226 --> 01:02:48,143
No, no, right-
1277
01:02:48,227 --> 01:02:49,353
Oh, no, I got it.
1278
01:02:49,436 --> 01:02:53,315
I met him at this Halloween
Poe poetry reading thing.
1279
01:02:53,398 --> 01:02:55,025
I can't believe
I slept with him.
1280
01:02:55,108 --> 01:02:56,109
I was wasted.
1281
01:02:56,193 --> 01:02:58,403
Halloween, two weeks
ago Halloween?
1282
01:02:58,487 --> 01:03:00,739
I told you,
I'm totally screwed up about sex.
1283
01:03:00,823 --> 01:03:03,283
Screwed up about sex?
Screwed up about sex?
1284
01:03:03,367 --> 01:03:04,993
It's more like you're screwing.
1285
01:03:05,077 --> 01:03:06,495
That's funny.
1286
01:03:06,578 --> 01:03:07,871
Come on, let's go
somewhere else.
1287
01:03:09,414 --> 01:03:10,624
Bam-Bam.
1288
01:03:15,546 --> 01:03:17,047
Back in the day,
1289
01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:20,676
if a woman didn't have
sex with you it was okay,
1290
01:03:20,801 --> 01:03:24,638
because it wasn't like she was having sex
with anyone else.
1291
01:03:24,721 --> 01:03:27,266
Where is that whore-bitch
Jane Austen when you need her?
1292
01:03:27,349 --> 01:03:30,185
I chose to remember
the good times.
1293
01:03:30,269 --> 01:03:31,436
The way Miranda
made you feel
1294
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:34,148
like you were the only
one in the world.
1295
01:03:34,231 --> 01:03:36,859
That time she read
my slaughterhouse reform bill.
1296
01:03:40,279 --> 01:03:43,532
It's wonderful, just wonderful.
1297
01:03:45,534 --> 01:03:47,953
But then there was
that next day at lunch.
1298
01:03:48,036 --> 01:03:49,288
How was that salad for you?
1299
01:03:49,371 --> 01:03:50,289
Oh...
1300
01:03:53,167 --> 01:03:55,961
Wonderful, just wonderful.
1301
01:04:03,177 --> 01:04:06,597
And in conclusion, yeah,
go ahead, crucify me,
1302
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:08,474
but I refuse to live in a society
1303
01:04:08,557 --> 01:04:11,226
that has reduced the world
to the question,
1304
01:04:11,310 --> 01:04:12,811
"Have you fucked her yet?"
1305
01:04:12,895 --> 01:04:15,314
That would be a no.
1306
01:04:17,191 --> 01:04:18,317
I don't even think
he's seen her naked.
1307
01:04:25,324 --> 01:04:27,242
Oh...
1308
01:04:27,326 --> 01:04:30,704
Wonderful, just wonderful.
1309
01:04:30,787 --> 01:04:31,955
What the fuck?
1310
01:04:36,084 --> 01:04:40,464
I'm not saying nothing's
ever gonna happen between us.
1311
01:04:52,643 --> 01:04:54,269
Doctor...
1312
01:04:54,353 --> 01:04:56,063
Mir- hah!
1313
01:04:56,146 --> 01:04:57,648
That's what I'm talking about.
1314
01:04:57,731 --> 01:05:00,526
Yes, Dr. Mirabella Stone!
1315
01:05:00,609 --> 01:05:04,029
No! No!
1316
01:05:04,112 --> 01:05:08,408
No!
1317
01:05:16,500 --> 01:05:17,751
Don't mock me.
1318
01:05:17,835 --> 01:05:19,294
Miranda told me
she was coming out
1319
01:05:19,378 --> 01:05:20,546
of a bad relationship.
1320
01:05:20,629 --> 01:05:23,507
And no one has ever had sex
coming out of a bad relationship.
1321
01:05:23,590 --> 01:05:26,385
Oh, we're moving way too fast,
1322
01:05:26,468 --> 01:05:29,388
I'm not feeling well.
1323
01:05:29,471 --> 01:05:30,973
If someone wants
to have sex with you,
1324
01:05:31,056 --> 01:05:32,558
they'll have sex with you.
1325
01:05:32,641 --> 01:05:34,393
The rest is just dinner theater.
1326
01:05:34,476 --> 01:05:37,646
So that's it. The machine.
1327
01:05:37,729 --> 01:05:40,065
Oh, no, the machine is much-
1328
01:05:40,149 --> 01:05:43,193
Sure. The wall has a connection.
1329
01:05:43,277 --> 01:05:44,987
Thing's going to be
the death of me.
1330
01:05:45,070 --> 01:05:48,240
Oh, come on, cheer up,
droopy drawers.
1331
01:05:48,323 --> 01:05:50,033
I mean, look on the side
of the bright.
1332
01:05:50,117 --> 01:05:53,871
Even if you went down
to a tropical island, all right?
1333
01:05:53,954 --> 01:05:56,790
The remaining 34 chicks
on this list
1334
01:05:56,874 --> 01:05:59,418
would be renting jet skis
to zoom down there
1335
01:05:59,501 --> 01:06:01,920
and party with you
whether you liked it or not.
1336
01:06:02,004 --> 01:06:04,381
I don't like it.
I don't want other women.
1337
01:06:04,464 --> 01:06:05,591
I want Miranda!
1338
01:06:06,842 --> 01:06:08,260
I've been a good
sport with this thing.
1339
01:06:08,343 --> 01:06:09,761
There was a little weirdness
at the beginning,
1340
01:06:09,845 --> 01:06:11,847
but I went with the flow.
1341
01:06:11,930 --> 01:06:14,141
I sabotaged a wedding,
I lost deposits,
1342
01:06:14,224 --> 01:06:15,684
I toyed with a lot
of people's feelings,
1343
01:06:15,767 --> 01:06:19,480
including my own,
but I didn't care.
1344
01:06:19,563 --> 01:06:21,482
I care now.
1345
01:06:21,565 --> 01:06:24,026
I have found someone
that touches me
1346
01:06:24,109 --> 01:06:25,444
down to my marrow.
1347
01:06:25,527 --> 01:06:28,197
And if you think that
some contraption is gonna-
1348
01:06:28,280 --> 01:06:29,323
You know, you know-
1349
01:06:29,406 --> 01:06:31,658
sometimes love is stronger than-
1350
01:06:31,742 --> 01:06:33,076
No, it's not!
1351
01:06:42,878 --> 01:06:45,088
I was so proud of you when you...
1352
01:06:45,172 --> 01:06:47,007
were burying the list in the backyard.
1353
01:06:47,090 --> 01:06:50,594
Horoscopes, psychics,
Tarot cards,
1354
01:06:50,677 --> 01:06:53,847
coming attractions that
give away the whole movie.
1355
01:06:53,931 --> 01:06:57,017
Why must you people
know everything?
1356
01:06:57,100 --> 01:06:58,727
That's a good point, Alpha, sir.
1357
01:06:58,811 --> 01:07:00,813
Remember when you said
the machine was a mystery?
1358
01:07:00,896 --> 01:07:03,398
That could mean that there's
some kind of kink or flaw,
1359
01:07:03,482 --> 01:07:04,525
something that
we don't know about-
1360
01:07:04,608 --> 01:07:06,401
Stop thinking about
the machine, Mr. Blank.
1361
01:07:06,485 --> 01:07:07,653
It's progress.
1362
01:07:07,736 --> 01:07:10,447
There's nothing
you can do about it.
1363
01:07:10,531 --> 01:07:13,826
Science and technology
don't care whether we live or die.
1364
01:07:15,410 --> 01:07:16,829
Excuse me.
1365
01:07:20,249 --> 01:07:22,459
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1366
01:07:22,543 --> 01:07:24,837
The solution's been right
in front of us the whole time!
1367
01:07:24,920 --> 01:07:26,338
What, what is it?
1368
01:07:26,421 --> 01:07:27,339
Blow jobs.
1369
01:07:27,422 --> 01:07:29,550
Blow jobs!
Oh, man, what a loophole.
1370
01:07:29,633 --> 01:07:32,386
All right, sex is work.
1371
01:07:32,469 --> 01:07:34,471
Is she having a good time?
Am I meeting her needs?
1372
01:07:34,555 --> 01:07:36,181
You got to think
about her feelings,
1373
01:07:36,265 --> 01:07:39,143
but with a blow job,
you just lie back,
1374
01:07:39,226 --> 01:07:40,894
every now and then touch
the back of her head
1375
01:07:41,228 --> 01:07:42,354
if you think she's getting tentative.
1376
01:07:42,437 --> 01:07:45,232
I mean, seriously, if someone
gives me an intercourse buffet,
1377
01:07:45,315 --> 01:07:47,401
or just a blow job on a stick,
1378
01:07:47,484 --> 01:07:49,069
I'll take blow job
on a stick, dude.
1379
01:07:49,111 --> 01:07:51,613
No, you people-
you people are sick.
1380
01:07:51,697 --> 01:07:53,907
I've given my heart to Miranda.
1381
01:07:53,991 --> 01:07:55,409
I want to cradle her
in my arms,
1382
01:07:55,492 --> 01:07:57,286
I want to make the kind of love
where you feel
1383
01:07:57,369 --> 01:07:59,913
as though you're one
living, breathing...
1384
01:07:59,997 --> 01:08:01,331
You really think
she might go down on me?
1385
01:08:02,416 --> 01:08:06,211
Death Nell has just put to sleep
1386
01:08:06,295 --> 01:08:08,589
an entire fraternity in Fresno.
1387
01:08:08,672 --> 01:08:09,673
Eight members.
1388
01:08:09,756 --> 01:08:11,383
Death Nell?
1389
01:08:11,508 --> 01:08:13,051
What do you guys do
for a living again?
1390
01:08:13,135 --> 01:08:14,428
It's the double-digit rule.
1391
01:08:14,511 --> 01:08:16,930
When a serial killer hits ten victims,
we get called.
1392
01:08:17,014 --> 01:08:19,600
No, I'm still getting details.
1393
01:08:19,683 --> 01:08:21,435
Apparently...
1394
01:08:22,936 --> 01:08:24,938
Well, apparently it was
the same frat house
1395
01:08:25,022 --> 01:08:26,023
that was acquitted last year
1396
01:08:26,106 --> 01:08:27,941
for manufacturing
the date rape drug.
1397
01:08:39,036 --> 01:08:42,206
D.N. put her own drug in the keg.
1398
01:08:44,708 --> 01:08:46,001
Is that amusing to you, Roderick?
1399
01:08:46,126 --> 01:08:47,794
No, I'm just checking
my messages.
1400
01:08:47,878 --> 01:08:50,464
The almighty machine's rep's
about to take another hit.
1401
01:08:52,049 --> 01:08:54,259
They love the concepts,
they love the drawings,
1402
01:08:54,301 --> 01:08:57,137
they- they're going
to publish the book!
1403
01:08:57,262 --> 01:09:00,557
Rod, I owe you so, so, much!
1404
01:09:00,641 --> 01:09:02,559
There's no way
we are not celebrating tonight.
1405
01:09:02,643 --> 01:09:04,436
Okay? So I'm going
to be at your place,
1406
01:09:04,478 --> 01:09:07,397
8:00 sharp, ready for action.
1407
01:09:08,398 --> 01:09:09,900
I so love you.
1408
01:09:11,652 --> 01:09:14,738
You're a very lucky man to have
found such a soulmate, Mr. Blank,
1409
01:09:14,822 --> 01:09:15,948
but unfortunately-
1410
01:09:16,031 --> 01:09:17,741
It's in her voice!
1411
01:09:17,825 --> 01:09:19,493
You don't even need
the bizarro list.
1412
01:09:19,576 --> 01:09:21,495
She doesn't think of you in-
1413
01:09:21,578 --> 01:09:23,580
Roderick...
1414
01:09:24,957 --> 01:09:27,584
I'm certain that some
very interesting things
1415
01:09:27,668 --> 01:09:29,878
will occur this evening.
1416
01:09:29,962 --> 01:09:32,422
Your penis going into her vagina
will not be one them.
1417
01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:37,135
But have a lovely evening.
1418
01:09:38,470 --> 01:09:40,055
Gentlemen, I'd love
to stay and chat,
1419
01:09:40,139 --> 01:09:43,517
but I got a date with a lady.
1420
01:09:54,486 --> 01:09:56,947
I don't think he's even seen her naked.
1421
01:10:04,705 --> 01:10:05,706
Hey!
1422
01:10:05,789 --> 01:10:06,915
Author!
1423
01:10:06,999 --> 01:10:08,333
Author!
1424
01:10:08,417 --> 01:10:10,335
Thank you.
J.K. Rowling, eat shit.
1425
01:10:10,419 --> 01:10:13,922
I'm so sorry I'm late,
it's just-
1426
01:10:14,006 --> 01:10:15,549
It's been crazy.
1427
01:10:15,632 --> 01:10:17,259
But I told everyone that
we'd meet them at the bar.
1428
01:10:17,342 --> 01:10:18,969
- It's my treat, for once.
- Everyone?
1429
01:10:19,052 --> 01:10:20,637
I thought tonight
was between you and-
1430
01:10:20,721 --> 01:10:22,681
I made pesto.
1431
01:10:24,933 --> 01:10:26,477
You did.
1432
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:29,354
That's so sweet,
but Rod, we gotta go out.
1433
01:10:29,438 --> 01:10:31,106
We're celebrating!
1434
01:10:31,190 --> 01:10:33,025
My brother and the two Jessicas,
they're already there,
1435
01:10:33,108 --> 01:10:34,610
but you know what,
it's no big deal.
1436
01:10:34,693 --> 01:10:36,403
- Hey, hey, just relax.
- Listen, if you- what?
1437
01:10:36,487 --> 01:10:37,905
Let's just hang for a bit,
1438
01:10:37,988 --> 01:10:40,741
you know, a little pre-party.
1439
01:10:40,824 --> 01:10:44,328
Dude, I thought
we were past this.
1440
01:10:46,497 --> 01:10:47,706
No?
1441
01:10:51,251 --> 01:10:53,879
Miranda, I know you once said
you weren't attracted to me,
1442
01:10:53,962 --> 01:10:56,465
but that was before
we went on the camping trip.
1443
01:10:56,548 --> 01:10:59,551
That was before I loaded
the graphics program into your laptop.
1444
01:10:59,635 --> 01:11:02,429
- Before-
- Why is it that men think that women-
1445
01:11:02,513 --> 01:11:08,185
women are like these giant
thermometers at those telethons,
1446
01:11:08,268 --> 01:11:09,937
where every time you do
something nice for them,
1447
01:11:10,020 --> 01:11:12,439
they get a little redder,
and a little redder,
1448
01:11:12,523 --> 01:11:14,191
and a little redder,
and a little redder,
1449
01:11:14,274 --> 01:11:15,984
and when you hit the top,
we have to fuck you?
1450
01:11:16,068 --> 01:11:17,778
That is not funny!
1451
01:11:17,861 --> 01:11:19,154
Shit!
1452
01:11:19,238 --> 01:11:20,197
Okay, I'm sorry.
1453
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:22,366
All right, just slip on down here,
1454
01:11:22,449 --> 01:11:24,284
just do a little clean-up.
1455
01:11:28,121 --> 01:11:31,041
Hey, what are the five
scariest words a woman can say?
1456
01:11:31,124 --> 01:11:33,502
- I wanna be-
- Just friends.
1457
01:11:39,258 --> 01:11:43,303
You know, it's like
some bad stand-up routine.
1458
01:11:43,387 --> 01:11:46,598
Just? Just.
1459
01:11:46,682 --> 01:11:49,476
Do you know how
important it was for me
1460
01:11:49,560 --> 01:11:51,478
to make one real friend
in this city?
1461
01:11:54,773 --> 01:11:57,401
I would die for you.
1462
01:11:57,484 --> 01:12:00,320
Who do you think
I'm dedicating my book to?
1463
01:12:00,404 --> 01:12:02,322
My insane parents?
1464
01:12:03,824 --> 01:12:09,163
"To Roderick Blank, my friend. "
1465
01:12:16,420 --> 01:12:18,672
Nice celebration.
1466
01:12:30,559 --> 01:12:33,228
Oh, Miranda.
1467
01:12:33,437 --> 01:12:35,022
Man, that is one tough break.
1468
01:12:35,105 --> 01:12:37,149
Girlfriend finds out her little book's
1469
01:12:37,232 --> 01:12:39,651
getting published and then...
1470
01:12:39,735 --> 01:12:40,736
It's terrible.
1471
01:12:43,489 --> 01:12:46,408
Not my girlfriend.
1472
01:12:47,701 --> 01:12:49,411
For what it's worth, from our end,
1473
01:12:49,495 --> 01:12:51,538
we're satisfied the death
was just an accident.
1474
01:12:51,622 --> 01:12:53,248
Just-
1475
01:12:53,332 --> 01:12:54,291
Excuse me, officer,
1476
01:12:54,374 --> 01:12:57,002
I wanted to give
Mr. Blank the opportunity
1477
01:12:57,085 --> 01:12:59,963
- to say goodbye to his girlfriend.
- Not my-
1478
01:13:00,047 --> 01:13:01,465
Can I be alone with her?
1479
01:13:06,637 --> 01:13:08,889
Miranda.
1480
01:13:08,972 --> 01:13:11,475
Oh, precious Miranda.
1481
01:13:13,811 --> 01:13:16,438
You know, I never wanted this.
1482
01:13:16,522 --> 01:13:19,608
I- I only wanted-
1483
01:13:19,691 --> 01:13:21,693
They said that we could never,
1484
01:13:21,777 --> 01:13:23,695
never ever be together.
1485
01:13:26,031 --> 01:13:28,283
But hey,
1486
01:13:28,367 --> 01:13:30,452
we're gonna have the last laugh,
1487
01:13:30,536 --> 01:13:31,870
are we not, my love?
1488
01:13:42,881 --> 01:13:46,301
Okay, now that I think about it,
1489
01:13:46,385 --> 01:13:48,428
maybe this is where
the madness set in.
1490
01:13:48,512 --> 01:13:51,473
Yes, I know,
my beacon of light.
1491
01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:54,852
This is sad,
this is desperate,
1492
01:13:54,935 --> 01:13:57,563
this is disgusting,
1493
01:13:57,646 --> 01:14:00,482
but aren't all revolutions?
1494
01:14:01,567 --> 01:14:04,236
We have to stand up to the list.
1495
01:14:04,319 --> 01:14:07,197
Stand up to the machine.
1496
01:14:07,281 --> 01:14:10,450
Stand up to fate.
1497
01:14:10,534 --> 01:14:12,703
Stand up, soldier.
1498
01:14:12,786 --> 01:14:14,705
Oh, come on, stand up.
1499
01:14:56,413 --> 01:14:59,625
Oh, let it out, Mr. Blank.
1500
01:14:59,708 --> 01:15:02,127
It's okay. Let it out.
1501
01:15:03,545 --> 01:15:06,423
You poor, sweet man.
1502
01:15:06,507 --> 01:15:10,594
You poor, sweet, handsome man.
1503
01:15:20,646 --> 01:15:23,649
Oh, shh...
1504
01:15:23,732 --> 01:15:25,984
It's okay.
1505
01:15:45,045 --> 01:15:46,630
Sorry.
1506
01:15:46,713 --> 01:15:50,092
Believe me, I'd hoped it was
a dream sequence, too.
1507
01:15:51,301 --> 01:15:52,719
If it makes you feel any better,
1508
01:15:52,803 --> 01:15:56,098
my tale has a satisfying ending.
1509
01:15:56,181 --> 01:15:58,600
But this isn't it.
1510
01:15:58,684 --> 01:16:01,353
It's only number 67.
1511
01:16:53,864 --> 01:16:56,700
Six, five, four,
1512
01:16:56,783 --> 01:17:01,830
three, two, one,
Happy New Year!
1513
01:17:11,798 --> 01:17:13,675
Nobody has said
"Happy New Year" to you.
1514
01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:15,719
Thank you. Roderick Blank.
1515
01:17:15,803 --> 01:17:17,763
Ester Fenchel.
1516
01:17:17,846 --> 01:17:19,556
But your friends call you Terry.
1517
01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:21,517
No, but that's strange
1518
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:24,937
because that's
my husband's name, Terry.
1519
01:17:25,020 --> 01:17:26,522
Nice tie.
1520
01:17:31,318 --> 01:17:33,570
Just leave the bottle.
1521
01:17:34,905 --> 01:17:37,991
Gentlemen, I give you the Matador.
1522
01:17:40,994 --> 01:17:43,205
Oh! No!
Not the prototype!
1523
01:17:43,288 --> 01:17:45,791
Eating and starving,
1524
01:17:45,874 --> 01:17:48,252
and eating and starving.
1525
01:17:48,335 --> 01:17:51,296
I was told to take some time off,
1526
01:17:51,380 --> 01:17:53,966
to get away from it all for a while.
1527
01:17:54,049 --> 01:17:56,677
But there was no escape.
1528
01:17:56,760 --> 01:17:58,846
I had noticed a lot
of French, German,
1529
01:17:58,929 --> 01:18:00,722
and Italian names on the list,
1530
01:18:00,806 --> 01:18:03,100
so I dutifully booked
passage to Europe.
1531
01:18:03,183 --> 01:18:05,435
Hearing of all
the magnifique women,
1532
01:18:05,519 --> 01:18:06,854
my friends concluded
that I had had
1533
01:18:06,937 --> 01:18:10,315
the greatest vacation
of all time.
1534
01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:12,109
I'm glad they enjoyed it.
1535
01:18:33,422 --> 01:18:34,464
Good evening.
1536
01:18:34,548 --> 01:18:37,968
You have to fuck me,
so come over and fuck me.
1537
01:18:38,051 --> 01:18:40,471
No dinner.
Do you have a pen?
1538
01:18:40,554 --> 01:18:41,805
Let me give you directions.
1539
01:18:41,889 --> 01:18:43,140
Ew!
1540
01:18:50,063 --> 01:18:51,064
Hello.
1541
01:18:51,148 --> 01:18:54,693
Oh, star 69.
Yes, it was a crank.
1542
01:18:54,776 --> 01:18:56,820
I'm sorry.
1543
01:18:56,904 --> 01:18:58,614
Your mother picked up?
Fainted?
1544
01:18:58,697 --> 01:19:00,991
- Yes.
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
1545
01:19:02,951 --> 01:19:04,620
Why are you laughing?
1546
01:19:04,703 --> 01:19:07,080
In my own feeble way,
1547
01:19:07,164 --> 01:19:09,041
I had tried to defy the list.
1548
01:19:09,124 --> 01:19:10,209
But once again,
1549
01:19:10,292 --> 01:19:12,252
the list knew what it was doing,
1550
01:19:12,336 --> 01:19:14,338
what I was doing.
1551
01:19:14,421 --> 01:19:15,756
But guess what.
1552
01:19:15,839 --> 01:19:16,965
I was about to meet a woman
1553
01:19:17,049 --> 01:19:20,385
that was the answer
to all my problems.
1554
01:19:20,469 --> 01:19:22,971
- Hope?
- Amber Anne.
1555
01:19:23,055 --> 01:19:24,598
Roderick?
1556
01:19:28,894 --> 01:19:32,898
I've been trying for years
to get a rise out of my mother.
1557
01:19:32,981 --> 01:19:35,484
You did it in five seconds.
1558
01:19:37,027 --> 01:19:38,862
Name your poison.
1559
01:19:38,946 --> 01:19:40,489
Hope Hartlight was the author
1560
01:19:40,572 --> 01:19:42,658
of a best-selling self-help book.
1561
01:19:42,741 --> 01:19:45,911
I found her to be
warm, compassionate,
1562
01:19:45,994 --> 01:19:47,621
and a little old.
1563
01:19:47,704 --> 01:19:49,998
So I wasn't attracted
to Hope Hartlight.
1564
01:19:50,082 --> 01:19:52,584
It's not like I was going to get out
of having sex with her.
1565
01:19:52,668 --> 01:19:55,838
So, to her surprise,
I asked her out again,
1566
01:19:55,921 --> 01:19:58,507
figuring we'd eventually
accidentally end up having sex,
1567
01:19:58,590 --> 01:20:01,009
and I could move on.
1568
01:20:01,093 --> 01:20:04,138
But a funny thing happened.
1569
01:20:04,221 --> 01:20:06,056
Hope listened.
1570
01:20:06,140 --> 01:20:08,475
Hope guided.
1571
01:20:08,559 --> 01:20:12,062
Hope was literature
after ten months of pop-up books,
1572
01:20:12,146 --> 01:20:14,439
chess after ten months
of checkers.
1573
01:20:14,523 --> 01:20:16,567
You're a chapter 17.
1574
01:20:16,650 --> 01:20:18,193
May she spring eternal-
1575
01:20:18,277 --> 01:20:20,904
As for my friends,
what do you think?
1576
01:20:20,988 --> 01:20:22,948
Hope was an Earth-mother goddess,
1577
01:20:23,031 --> 01:20:25,200
put down here to save
the sinner's soul.
1578
01:20:25,284 --> 01:20:27,703
If you let her go,
I'll bring her back.
1579
01:20:27,786 --> 01:20:29,872
You know, you strike me
as the kind of guy
1580
01:20:29,955 --> 01:20:31,999
who would make fun
of a one-month
1581
01:20:32,082 --> 01:20:34,334
anniversary celebration.
1582
01:20:34,418 --> 01:20:36,962
You've changed me.
1583
01:20:37,045 --> 01:20:38,714
You've healed me.
1584
01:20:44,136 --> 01:20:46,180
That's a really
beautiful thing to say.
1585
01:20:46,263 --> 01:20:47,973
Thank you.
1586
01:20:48,056 --> 01:20:50,434
You know, I've got
that book signing
1587
01:20:50,517 --> 01:20:52,603
next week in Vermont.
1588
01:20:52,686 --> 01:20:55,147
I'm thinking maybe
you should come with me.
1589
01:20:55,230 --> 01:20:57,524
They've got a terrific
bed and breakfast up there.
1590
01:20:57,608 --> 01:20:58,567
Oh, my God.
1591
01:20:58,650 --> 01:21:00,027
We could just sleep late,
1592
01:21:00,110 --> 01:21:02,946
on the day I don't
have to work, of course.
1593
01:21:03,030 --> 01:21:05,240
But you could just
hang out all day.
1594
01:21:05,324 --> 01:21:07,201
You can walk around naked
in the backyard.
1595
01:21:07,284 --> 01:21:09,244
There's nobody there,
it's off-season.
1596
01:21:11,038 --> 01:21:12,498
Hope Hartlight didn't really vanish
1597
01:21:12,581 --> 01:21:14,875
into thin air like that.
1598
01:21:14,958 --> 01:21:16,418
It took a couple of weeks.
1599
01:21:16,502 --> 01:21:18,128
How could being the answer
to all my problems
1600
01:21:18,212 --> 01:21:19,505
not be enough?
1601
01:21:19,588 --> 01:21:21,673
If a friend of mine had
been going out with Hope,
1602
01:21:21,757 --> 01:21:23,383
I'd be so proud of him.
1603
01:21:23,467 --> 01:21:24,927
Guess that's the problem.
1604
01:21:25,010 --> 01:21:27,012
I'd be proud,
but I wouldn’t be jealous.
1605
01:21:27,095 --> 01:21:28,931
And a man would rather have
another man's jealousy
1606
01:21:29,014 --> 01:21:30,974
than another man's respect.
1607
01:21:31,058 --> 01:21:34,436
Man, hate to say
that one out loud.
1608
01:21:36,230 --> 01:21:37,689
Okay.
1609
01:21:37,773 --> 01:21:40,317
So, maybe Hope wasn't
the hottest piece of pie
1610
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:41,819
you've ever been with,
1611
01:21:41,902 --> 01:21:44,154
but Roderick,
I was so proud of you.
1612
01:21:44,238 --> 01:21:46,406
Us married guys are taking a lot
of heat over this one, big guy.
1613
01:21:47,115 --> 01:21:48,659
It seems that you broke some
1614
01:21:48,742 --> 01:21:51,203
"messing with the feelings
of a woman over 35" covenant.
1615
01:21:51,286 --> 01:21:54,373
I thought we agreed we weren't
going to do an intervention.
1616
01:21:54,456 --> 01:21:57,042
No, we agreed we wouldn't use
the word "intervention. "
1617
01:21:57,125 --> 01:21:59,461
- Of course it's an intervention.
- Okay.
1618
01:21:59,545 --> 01:22:01,088
Poor Rod, still under the illusion
1619
01:22:01,171 --> 01:22:02,631
that out there walking around
1620
01:22:02,714 --> 01:22:04,883
is the perfect girl, just for him.
1621
01:22:05,050 --> 01:22:07,261
News break! This just in.
1622
01:22:07,344 --> 01:22:09,096
The woman known to
the world as Death Nell
1623
01:22:09,179 --> 01:22:11,181
has apparently left
her driver's license
1624
01:22:11,265 --> 01:22:13,392
at the site of her latest attack.
1625
01:22:13,475 --> 01:22:14,518
It is the break in the case
1626
01:22:14,601 --> 01:22:17,729
investigators have been hoping
and praying for all year.
1627
01:22:17,813 --> 01:22:20,816
And now, Channel Nine gives you
an exclusive first look
1628
01:22:20,899 --> 01:22:23,569
at this dramatic license.
1629
01:22:23,652 --> 01:22:24,903
If you're just joining us,
1630
01:22:24,987 --> 01:22:27,114
Death Nell seduced and sedated
1631
01:22:27,197 --> 01:22:30,159
misogynist shock jock D.J. Harry Hunt
1632
01:22:30,242 --> 01:22:31,451
during a commercial break
1633
01:22:31,535 --> 01:22:32,870
on his morning drive-time program.
1634
01:22:32,953 --> 01:22:35,289
I appreciate everyone's
concern here.
1635
01:22:35,372 --> 01:22:37,916
I, um...
1636
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:38,917
Hello?
1637
01:22:39,001 --> 01:22:40,460
Hey, Trixie, turn that up.
1638
01:22:40,544 --> 01:22:43,463
Did they really catch
that satanic succubus?
1639
01:22:43,547 --> 01:22:46,800
No, and the word's
"freedom fighter. "
1640
01:22:46,884 --> 01:22:49,219
- Can we go in closer on that license-
- Let me guess.
1641
01:22:49,303 --> 01:22:51,638
I'm gonna bet that
her real name is not Death Nell!
1642
01:22:51,722 --> 01:22:54,475
This is some intervention.
1643
01:22:54,558 --> 01:22:56,226
Gillian De Raisx.
1644
01:22:56,310 --> 01:22:59,938
That name again, folks,
Gillian De Raisx.
1645
01:23:00,022 --> 01:23:03,317
Death Nell is Gillian De Raisx.
1646
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:07,112
Gillian De Raisx. The X is silent.
1647
01:23:07,196 --> 01:23:09,156
It was a name that sounded familiar.
1648
01:23:09,239 --> 01:23:12,284
And when a name sounded
familiar, it usually meant...
1649
01:23:14,745 --> 01:23:18,457
Okay, this wasn't happening.
1650
01:23:18,540 --> 01:23:20,209
I know what you're thinking.
1651
01:23:20,292 --> 01:23:22,878
Surely I would have memorized
the last name on the list.
1652
01:23:22,961 --> 01:23:26,340
Not to put too fine
a point on it, but why?
1653
01:23:26,423 --> 01:23:28,926
No one wants to think about
the last name on the list,
1654
01:23:29,009 --> 01:23:32,262
because the last name
on the list means...
1655
01:23:33,847 --> 01:23:35,849
What did you say to him?
Where's he going?
1656
01:23:49,071 --> 01:23:50,030
Fred!
1657
01:23:50,113 --> 01:23:51,949
Oh, man, it's kind of funny.
1658
01:23:52,032 --> 01:23:54,159
It's not like she's the next one.
1659
01:23:54,243 --> 01:23:55,577
She may not be the next one,
1660
01:23:55,661 --> 01:23:56,912
but she sure as hell is the last one.
1661
01:23:56,995 --> 01:23:59,373
Hey, there's got to be
another woman on the planet
1662
01:23:59,456 --> 01:24:01,208
whose name is Gillian De aisx.
1663
01:24:01,291 --> 01:24:03,335
With her last name
spelled with a silent X?
1664
01:24:03,418 --> 01:24:05,128
- I don't think so.
- Calm down.
1665
01:24:05,212 --> 01:24:09,466
Gillian de Raisx may not be
the Gillian de Raisx.
1666
01:24:09,550 --> 01:24:11,927
As you can see,
the machine is closing in
1667
01:24:12,010 --> 01:24:13,887
on the one known as Death Nell.
1668
01:24:13,971 --> 01:24:15,889
The timelines have been
just a little off, but-
1669
01:24:15,973 --> 01:24:16,974
Oh, great.
1670
01:24:23,522 --> 01:24:25,149
More coordinates.
1671
01:24:25,232 --> 01:24:27,943
At this rate, I'd say
a couple of weeks from now
1672
01:24:28,026 --> 01:24:29,945
by the end of March,
the Oracle will tell us
1673
01:24:30,028 --> 01:24:31,238
where Gillian de Raisx is staying
1674
01:24:31,321 --> 01:24:33,157
at the precise moment
she's staying there.
1675
01:24:33,240 --> 01:24:35,784
Now, I'm assuming,
Mr. Blank,
1676
01:24:35,868 --> 01:24:37,786
that you can hold off from
having sex with how many?
1677
01:24:37,870 --> 01:24:39,037
- Twenty.
- Twenty.
1678
01:24:39,121 --> 01:24:41,206
Twenty different women
in the next two weeks.
1679
01:24:41,290 --> 01:24:43,876
Hey, I've had sex with three women
in my entire life-
1680
01:24:43,959 --> 01:24:46,211
none if you don't count paying for it.
1681
01:24:46,295 --> 01:24:47,754
I could live off 20 women.
1682
01:24:47,838 --> 01:24:50,424
Now, we can tell you
not to have sex,
1683
01:24:50,507 --> 01:24:53,385
but you have to go beyond that now.
1684
01:24:53,469 --> 01:24:57,347
You have to take your mind
to a whole other realm.
1685
01:24:57,431 --> 01:24:59,433
Read a book you've
always wanted to read.
1686
01:24:59,516 --> 01:25:01,643
I find model airplanes
can be an exacting
1687
01:25:01,727 --> 01:25:02,895
but ultimately rewarding-
1688
01:25:02,978 --> 01:25:04,021
Model airplanes are great,
1689
01:25:04,104 --> 01:25:05,439
but I got to go back
to the blow jobs.
1690
01:25:05,522 --> 01:25:08,358
Fred. Not constructive.
1691
01:25:08,442 --> 01:25:10,444
How do you feel about biking?
1692
01:25:12,029 --> 01:25:14,156
I can't believe these are
the kind of conversations
1693
01:25:14,239 --> 01:25:16,366
I've become a part of.
1694
01:25:16,450 --> 01:25:17,826
He's still in torment.
Give him one.
1695
01:25:17,910 --> 01:25:19,161
One what?
1696
01:25:19,244 --> 01:25:21,038
Ah, yes, yes.
1697
01:25:21,121 --> 01:25:23,624
Our aforementioned Oracle,
1698
01:25:23,707 --> 01:25:27,628
while rather erratic
in capturing criminals,
1699
01:25:27,711 --> 01:25:30,214
has come up with the answers
1700
01:25:30,297 --> 01:25:33,509
to some of our culture's
most significant mysteries.
1701
01:25:33,592 --> 01:25:35,761
And I think we can
give you one of them.
1702
01:25:35,844 --> 01:25:37,471
Any of the biggies?
1703
01:25:37,554 --> 01:25:41,058
Okay, uh, who killed
Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman?
1704
01:25:41,141 --> 01:25:42,601
- You're kidding.
- Yeah, I'm kidding.
1705
01:25:42,684 --> 01:25:43,811
Let me see.
Let me see.
1706
01:25:43,894 --> 01:25:45,729
How about who really shot JFK?
1707
01:25:45,813 --> 01:25:46,688
Oh, pick another one.
1708
01:25:47,439 --> 01:25:48,565
It takes, like, 20 minutes to print out.
1709
01:25:48,649 --> 01:25:49,650
Okay, life on other planets.
1710
01:25:49,733 --> 01:25:51,068
How many planets
in the universe have-
1711
01:25:51,151 --> 01:25:53,403
- Eleven.
- Eleven? That's it?
1712
01:25:53,487 --> 01:25:55,531
That's it. How many
more do you want?
1713
01:25:55,614 --> 01:25:57,491
Wait a sec.
Does God exist?
1714
01:25:57,574 --> 01:25:59,326
Cut it out. You only get one.
1715
01:25:59,409 --> 01:26:01,537
Please.
You guys are mean.
1716
01:26:01,620 --> 01:26:03,622
You don't want to be in L.A.
on July 4th weekend.
1717
01:26:03,705 --> 01:26:06,416
Beta, enough.
1718
01:26:11,672 --> 01:26:14,424
There are 20 human shields
between you and Miss de Raisx.
1719
01:26:14,508 --> 01:26:16,593
Be conservative.
1720
01:26:16,677 --> 01:26:20,389
Don't use up any of them
until we catch the villainess.
1721
01:26:22,182 --> 01:26:23,350
And remember...
1722
01:26:25,227 --> 01:26:27,604
a new realm of existence.
1723
01:26:27,688 --> 01:26:30,274
A new realm of existence.
1724
01:26:30,357 --> 01:26:33,443
No sex...
1725
01:26:33,527 --> 01:26:34,653
no death.
1726
01:26:35,654 --> 01:26:37,364
Good luck.
1727
01:26:37,447 --> 01:26:39,616
**
1728
01:26:54,423 --> 01:26:57,593
* On my own again *
1729
01:26:57,676 --> 01:26:59,094
* Oh, oh *
1730
01:26:59,178 --> 01:27:02,097
* On my own again *
1731
01:27:02,181 --> 01:27:03,390
* Oh, oh *
1732
01:27:03,474 --> 01:27:06,477
* On the move again *
1733
01:27:22,534 --> 01:27:24,286
* I need to be *
1734
01:27:24,369 --> 01:27:26,872
* On my own again *
1735
01:27:26,955 --> 01:27:28,999
* I want to be *
1736
01:27:29,082 --> 01:27:31,168
* On my own again *
1737
01:27:31,251 --> 01:27:32,169
Yay!
1738
01:27:32,252 --> 01:27:33,420
Whoo!
1739
01:27:36,256 --> 01:27:38,383
"I never believed the wild and lascivious
1740
01:27:38,467 --> 01:27:42,054
letters in your magazine
were true until now. "
1741
01:27:43,388 --> 01:27:45,516
"My best friend was cycling upstate
1742
01:27:45,599 --> 01:27:47,434
"when his bike hit a pothole,
1743
01:27:47,518 --> 01:27:49,436
"sending him head over heels.
1744
01:27:49,520 --> 01:27:51,939
"Lucky for my buddy,
a bus on its way
1745
01:27:52,022 --> 01:27:54,149
"up to an 'Up With Jesus'
jamboree, stopped,
1746
01:27:54,274 --> 01:27:57,528
"and the students of
a nondenominational Idaho Bible college
1747
01:27:57,611 --> 01:27:59,947
"lifted his dazed, bruised body
1748
01:28:00,030 --> 01:28:02,157
"and put it in the middle
of the aisle.
1749
01:28:02,241 --> 01:28:04,409
"He thought they were
going to help him.
1750
01:28:04,493 --> 01:28:07,371
"Instead, they helped themselves.
1751
01:28:07,454 --> 01:28:09,206
"Among the girls of the bus,
1752
01:28:09,289 --> 01:28:11,458
"there had been much talk
of the albatross
1753
01:28:11,542 --> 01:28:14,461
"of not having lost one's virginity.
1754
01:28:14,545 --> 01:28:16,004
"My friend's appearance
on the road
1755
01:28:16,088 --> 01:28:18,132
"was taken as a sign.
1756
01:28:18,215 --> 01:28:20,050
"A pact was made.
1757
01:28:20,134 --> 01:28:22,052
"Everyone's virginity must go,
1758
01:28:22,136 --> 01:28:24,680
"and he would be the chosen vessel.
1759
01:28:24,763 --> 01:28:26,682
"All virgins.
1760
01:28:26,765 --> 01:28:29,184
"All 18-year-olds.
1761
01:28:29,268 --> 01:28:30,686
"Uniforms.
1762
01:28:30,769 --> 01:28:35,440
"Nineteen 18-year-old
virgins in uniforms.
1763
01:28:35,524 --> 01:28:38,485
Straws were drawn,
and first up was Mona Farlow. "
1764
01:28:40,529 --> 01:28:43,615
Fuck. Fuck!
1765
01:28:43,699 --> 01:28:45,659
Fuck.
1766
01:28:48,453 --> 01:28:52,207
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
1767
01:28:52,291 --> 01:28:55,752
Fuck, fuckity,
fuck, fuck, fuck.
1768
01:28:57,629 --> 01:28:59,965
Fuck.
1769
01:29:00,048 --> 01:29:03,427
Fuck. Fuck!
1770
01:29:03,510 --> 01:29:07,806
"It was a day my friend
would never forget. "
1771
01:29:07,890 --> 01:29:09,558
Any changes
before we mail it in?
1772
01:29:09,641 --> 01:29:11,935
Please stop. I can't take it.
1773
01:29:13,562 --> 01:29:15,230
I'm curious.
Was there a lot of blood?
1774
01:29:18,734 --> 01:29:20,068
Sorry. Never mind. Wow!
1775
01:29:20,152 --> 01:29:22,029
- The ultimate male perversion.
- God!
1776
01:29:22,112 --> 01:29:23,447
You can die now.
1777
01:29:23,530 --> 01:29:25,491
Well, that seems
to be the problem.
1778
01:29:36,210 --> 01:29:38,420
Have I told you all
the good news?
1779
01:29:38,504 --> 01:29:39,963
I'm getting married.
1780
01:29:40,047 --> 01:29:42,132
The lucky gal's name
is Ethel Walters.
1781
01:29:42,216 --> 01:29:43,675
I hope you can all
make the wedding.
1782
01:29:43,759 --> 01:29:45,344
Ethel Walters?
1783
01:29:45,427 --> 01:29:46,428
Do we know her?
1784
01:29:46,512 --> 01:29:48,096
I don't know. Do you?
1785
01:29:48,180 --> 01:29:50,307
I really need to get in touch
with her right away.
1786
01:29:50,390 --> 01:29:52,601
Does the name ring a bell
with anyone?
1787
01:29:52,684 --> 01:29:54,978
Maybe you should
lie back down.
1788
01:29:55,062 --> 01:29:56,480
Hey, you know what?
1789
01:29:56,563 --> 01:29:58,440
Where was the driver
in all this?
1790
01:29:58,524 --> 01:30:00,108
Because I get that
the church group chaperone
1791
01:30:00,192 --> 01:30:02,486
was on another bus,
but you can't tell me
1792
01:30:02,569 --> 01:30:04,112
they let the second group of girls
just transport themselves.
1793
01:30:04,196 --> 01:30:06,657
The driver, yeah.
1794
01:30:06,740 --> 01:30:09,535
I don't seem to r-
1795
01:30:09,618 --> 01:30:12,162
That's funny. The driver...
1796
01:30:12,246 --> 01:30:14,414
There's a whole lot of action
going on back here.
1797
01:30:14,498 --> 01:30:16,375
Figure I'd get myself a piece.
1798
01:30:16,458 --> 01:30:17,835
Now, now, you relax.
1799
01:30:17,918 --> 01:30:20,546
You skinny little white girls
ain't tattling on nobody.
1800
01:30:20,629 --> 01:30:24,633
Fuck!
1801
01:30:28,387 --> 01:30:29,763
You can't have sex with me!
1802
01:30:29,847 --> 01:30:32,182
Roderick, it's me, Trixie.
1803
01:30:32,266 --> 01:30:33,600
I'm not going to rape you.
1804
01:30:33,684 --> 01:30:35,561
- You know that.
- Just leave me alone.
1805
01:30:35,644 --> 01:30:37,771
Get up, you big baby.
1806
01:30:38,730 --> 01:30:40,524
Got one word for you:
Qantas.
1807
01:30:40,607 --> 01:30:42,151
You are going to Australia.
1808
01:30:42,234 --> 01:30:44,653
Your flight leaves in the morning,
so start packing.
1809
01:30:44,736 --> 01:30:47,072
You don't get it. I can't escape.
1810
01:30:47,156 --> 01:30:49,783
She'll rent a jet ski,
and she'll track me down.
1811
01:30:49,867 --> 01:30:51,493
I was on the Net all night.
1812
01:30:51,577 --> 01:30:53,036
I found another Gillian de Raisx.
1813
01:30:53,120 --> 01:30:54,955
Oh, yeah, that spells
her last name with a-
1814
01:30:55,038 --> 01:30:56,790
Yes, with a silent X.
1815
01:30:57,875 --> 01:31:00,669
She's a marine biologist
based outside of Sydney.
1816
01:31:04,715 --> 01:31:05,799
Oh, this picture.
1817
01:31:05,883 --> 01:31:07,676
Which one's the walrus?
1818
01:31:08,802 --> 01:31:10,095
She's big-boned
1819
01:31:10,179 --> 01:31:12,431
with a healthy appetite
for life, asshole.
1820
01:31:12,598 --> 01:31:14,558
What is- What is that
on her face?
1821
01:31:14,725 --> 01:31:15,809
It's a rash
1822
01:31:15,809 --> 01:31:18,353
from her exploration
of the Barrier Reef.
1823
01:31:18,437 --> 01:31:20,105
- Ooh.
- Oh, God!
1824
01:31:20,189 --> 01:31:21,815
Roderick,
1825
01:31:21,899 --> 01:31:23,233
you'd rather die than have sex
1826
01:31:23,317 --> 01:31:26,445
with an overweight woman
with a slight skin condition?
1827
01:31:26,528 --> 01:31:27,863
But it's-
1828
01:31:27,946 --> 01:31:29,239
it's not that slight.
1829
01:31:29,323 --> 01:31:32,659
Trixie, I'm sure she's a great-
1830
01:31:32,743 --> 01:31:34,661
I got you some books
to read on the plane.
1831
01:31:34,745 --> 01:31:37,581
I have underlined some
very good conversation starters.
1832
01:31:37,664 --> 01:31:39,541
So help me, if you
do not go Down Under
1833
01:31:39,625 --> 01:31:40,959
and seduce this Sheila-
1834
01:31:41,043 --> 01:31:43,337
Well, I do like dolphins.
1835
01:31:43,420 --> 01:31:44,713
Trixie.
1836
01:31:46,799 --> 01:31:49,134
No matter what happens,
1837
01:31:49,218 --> 01:31:50,636
thank you for being there.
1838
01:31:50,719 --> 01:31:52,387
You're a true pal.
1839
01:31:54,765 --> 01:31:56,850
It's good to be a lesbian, isn't it?
1840
01:31:56,934 --> 01:31:59,061
Send me a postcard, jerk.
1841
01:32:00,729 --> 01:32:02,397
With a koala on it.
1842
01:32:20,624 --> 01:32:23,085
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1843
01:32:23,168 --> 01:32:25,879
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1844
01:32:25,963 --> 01:32:28,799
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1845
01:32:28,882 --> 01:32:31,718
* Doo-doo-doo-doo
doot-doo-doo doo-doo-doo *
1846
01:32:31,802 --> 01:32:34,596
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1847
01:32:36,181 --> 01:32:37,349
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
1848
01:32:37,432 --> 01:32:39,726
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1849
01:32:39,810 --> 01:32:40,811
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
1850
01:32:52,948 --> 01:32:54,366
Please don't pork me.
1851
01:32:54,449 --> 01:32:57,369
Hey, if you insist, hot rod.
1852
01:32:57,452 --> 01:33:01,331
Listen, the Almighty Oracle
has come through.
1853
01:33:01,415 --> 01:33:03,292
We have confirmation
1854
01:33:03,375 --> 01:33:05,794
that Death Nell
is going to be down here
1855
01:33:05,878 --> 01:33:07,754
at the Mayfair Hotel.
1856
01:33:09,131 --> 01:33:10,174
I've entered her room.
1857
01:33:10,257 --> 01:33:12,468
Mr. A's not here
at this precise moment,
1858
01:33:12,551 --> 01:33:14,553
but her things
most certainly are.
1859
01:33:14,636 --> 01:33:17,389
Friends, I've got chills.
1860
01:33:18,682 --> 01:33:21,059
Fred, Beta, you guys-
1861
01:33:21,143 --> 01:33:22,978
Wait. It's April Fool's Day,
isn't it?
1862
01:33:23,061 --> 01:33:24,146
It's 10 after midnight,
1863
01:33:24,229 --> 01:33:26,690
- officially April 2.
- Ha.
1864
01:33:26,773 --> 01:33:28,066
Yes, Roderick.
1865
01:33:28,150 --> 01:33:30,277
We have quite
a welcoming party
1866
01:33:30,360 --> 01:33:31,778
planned for the nasty minx.
1867
01:33:31,862 --> 01:33:33,405
Oh.
1868
01:33:33,489 --> 01:33:36,700
Oh, this is-
this is amazing.
1869
01:33:36,783 --> 01:33:40,579
You don't know
what it's been like.
1870
01:33:40,662 --> 01:33:42,998
And I have found the loophole
1871
01:33:43,081 --> 01:33:44,208
of all loopholes.
1872
01:33:44,291 --> 01:33:45,584
It's not blow jobs,
1873
01:33:45,667 --> 01:33:47,044
and it's not hand jobs.
1874
01:33:47,127 --> 01:33:48,462
It's exes.
1875
01:33:48,545 --> 01:33:51,381
It's ex,
as in ex-girlfriends, all right?
1876
01:33:51,465 --> 01:33:52,841
I want- just- listen.
1877
01:33:52,925 --> 01:33:54,760
Check the names on the list.
1878
01:33:54,843 --> 01:33:56,804
Do any names appear twice?
1879
01:33:56,887 --> 01:33:58,806
Any doubles? All right, no.
1880
01:33:58,889 --> 01:34:00,682
Then don't tell me...
1881
01:34:00,766 --> 01:34:03,268
that you've never hooked up
with some ex-girlfriend
1882
01:34:03,352 --> 01:34:06,021
for a little, uh, you know,
"remember when" sex.
1883
01:34:06,104 --> 01:34:08,732
No, you're right.
I had sex with Laura Baxter
1884
01:34:08,816 --> 01:34:10,901
every time I came
home for Christmas.
1885
01:34:10,984 --> 01:34:12,486
And she's only listed once.
1886
01:34:12,569 --> 01:34:14,404
And whenever I travel
through St. Louis,
1887
01:34:14,488 --> 01:34:16,532
I always stop in on Diana Scott.
1888
01:34:16,615 --> 01:34:18,992
We're going to get you
some reelection sex, all right?
1889
01:34:19,076 --> 01:34:21,537
I'm talking about
Grover Cleveland poontang.
1890
01:34:21,620 --> 01:34:23,831
Go back to Hope, number 80.
1891
01:34:23,914 --> 01:34:25,916
What you had was real.
She'll take you back.
1892
01:34:25,999 --> 01:34:27,835
Yes. There's Hope.
1893
01:34:27,918 --> 01:34:30,295
I've had so many wonderful,
fascinating women in my life.
1894
01:34:30,379 --> 01:34:32,422
I've never really been
worthy of any of them.
1895
01:34:32,464 --> 01:34:34,383
Uhh! Don't listen to Beta.
1896
01:34:34,466 --> 01:34:35,717
Do not listen to him.
1897
01:34:35,801 --> 01:34:38,011
He hates boners
and fun, all right?
1898
01:34:38,053 --> 01:34:41,140
What you have to do is you got
to find that school bus,
1899
01:34:41,265 --> 01:34:43,725
and you got to hook up
with those little Bible brats
1900
01:34:43,851 --> 01:34:45,936
numbers 81 through 99,
1901
01:34:46,019 --> 01:34:49,022
and maybe give 84 a pass
with the back zits.
1902
01:34:49,106 --> 01:34:52,025
- And you just get- get-
- Sir?
1903
01:34:52,109 --> 01:34:55,487
Yes. It's right there.
1904
01:34:55,571 --> 01:34:58,866
Get one of them to change
her name to Gillian de Raisx.
1905
01:34:58,949 --> 01:35:00,117
And you perfect-
1906
01:35:00,159 --> 01:35:01,785
Stop it.
1907
01:35:03,453 --> 01:35:05,664
The theories
on the table are adorable.
1908
01:35:05,789 --> 01:35:07,708
But Roderick, be cool.
1909
01:35:07,791 --> 01:35:09,877
Gillian will be
at the hotel any minute,
1910
01:35:09,960 --> 01:35:11,712
and our organization-
1911
01:35:11,753 --> 01:35:15,466
well, we don't believe
in trials and arrests.
1912
01:35:15,591 --> 01:35:17,050
So I want you
to hang tight,
1913
01:35:17,092 --> 01:35:18,969
and do not, I repeat,
1914
01:35:19,052 --> 01:35:21,388
do not leave your house.
1915
01:35:21,472 --> 01:35:22,723
Okay.
1916
01:35:22,806 --> 01:35:23,891
Call you when she's dead.
1917
01:35:24,016 --> 01:35:26,310
All right. I'll be here.
1918
01:35:26,435 --> 01:35:28,145
Thank you. Good-bye.
1919
01:35:29,771 --> 01:35:31,148
Ohh...
1920
01:36:45,931 --> 01:36:49,143
Did you really think
I was gonna get off easy?
1921
01:36:49,226 --> 01:36:51,854
Did you want me to?
1922
01:36:51,937 --> 01:36:53,981
I know I promised you
a satisfying ending,
1923
01:36:54,064 --> 01:36:55,315
but there will be
no triumphant return
1924
01:36:55,399 --> 01:36:58,068
to Fiona, Hope,
or anybody else.
1925
01:36:58,152 --> 01:37:00,696
There will be no chasing a cab,
1926
01:37:00,779 --> 01:37:02,114
no stopping a wedding,
1927
01:37:02,197 --> 01:37:06,118
no tearful reconciliations
on a train platform,
1928
01:37:06,201 --> 01:37:10,414
and no morning flights
to Australia.
1929
01:37:10,497 --> 01:37:14,585
To escape the sins of
my April 2nd to April 2nd saga
1930
01:37:14,668 --> 01:37:18,005
would feel so, so wrong.
1931
01:37:18,088 --> 01:37:19,673
Yes, my true destiny
1932
01:37:19,756 --> 01:37:22,968
was staying in a hotel downtown.
1933
01:37:23,051 --> 01:37:26,889
I was going out with
a lady called Death.
1934
01:37:26,972 --> 01:37:29,349
No God or Machine
could help me now.
1935
01:37:31,226 --> 01:37:33,020
And that felt so,
1936
01:37:33,103 --> 01:37:34,271
so right.
1937
01:37:41,195 --> 01:37:45,574
You live by the sword,
you die by the sword.
1938
01:37:45,657 --> 01:37:48,577
One sexual position left.
1939
01:37:48,660 --> 01:37:50,579
Call it the karma sutra.
1940
01:37:52,956 --> 01:37:54,833
The end is coming.
1941
01:37:54,917 --> 01:37:57,336
And coming is the end.
1942
01:37:57,503 --> 01:37:59,213
We've checked all
the sectors, Fred.
1943
01:37:59,296 --> 01:38:00,339
Okay, you know what?
1944
01:38:00,422 --> 01:38:03,217
My name is not Fred.
It's Commander Delta.
1945
01:38:03,300 --> 01:38:05,385
- It- just go. In.
- Move.
1946
01:38:11,141 --> 01:38:12,226
Excuse me.
1947
01:38:12,309 --> 01:38:14,436
Miss Death? Nell?
1948
01:38:14,520 --> 01:38:16,939
Or do you prefer Gillian?
1949
01:38:17,022 --> 01:38:18,774
I'm not afraid
of you anymore.
1950
01:38:21,360 --> 01:38:23,529
Death Nell's alive
and inside us.
1951
01:38:24,905 --> 01:38:26,365
Look at him!
He's so scared!
1952
01:38:26,448 --> 01:38:29,451
Aww!
1953
01:38:32,246 --> 01:38:35,123
Oh, where you going?
Come back, ladies' man!
1954
01:38:48,595 --> 01:38:50,139
Whew...
1955
01:38:50,222 --> 01:38:53,433
Well, you caused
quite a commotion out there.
1956
01:38:53,517 --> 01:38:55,727
Is there something
you wanted to tell me?
1957
01:38:55,811 --> 01:38:57,855
Tell you? No. I, uh-
1958
01:39:01,608 --> 01:39:02,693
Oh.
1959
01:39:03,944 --> 01:39:05,237
Hi.
1960
01:39:06,947 --> 01:39:08,115
Agents.
1961
01:39:08,198 --> 01:39:11,535
There's agents staked out
at your hotel.
1962
01:39:11,618 --> 01:39:14,121
In your room.
1963
01:39:14,204 --> 01:39:15,372
Thanks.
1964
01:39:17,666 --> 01:39:19,293
You know I'm not innocent, right?
1965
01:39:19,376 --> 01:39:21,086
Yeah.
1966
01:39:24,590 --> 01:39:26,925
Can I- Can I join...
1967
01:39:49,448 --> 01:39:50,574
Wow.
1968
01:39:51,617 --> 01:39:53,994
This, uh, place is amazing.
1969
01:39:54,077 --> 01:39:55,329
You know, I'm kind of
in the business.
1970
01:39:55,412 --> 01:39:57,247
I've never heard of it.
1971
01:39:57,331 --> 01:39:59,958
Yeah, I just discovered it
the other night.
1972
01:40:00,042 --> 01:40:03,045
There are not a lot of places
in this town that stay open late.
1973
01:40:03,128 --> 01:40:05,172
Yeah.
1974
01:40:05,255 --> 01:40:07,716
- Do- You know, I-
- I- Well-
1975
01:40:07,800 --> 01:40:08,842
Sorry.
1976
01:40:08,926 --> 01:40:11,261
- You go.
- No, you go.
1977
01:40:11,345 --> 01:40:15,265
You know, this is-
this is strange for me.
1978
01:40:15,349 --> 01:40:17,226
I've never had
a volunteer before.
1979
01:40:18,560 --> 01:40:20,562
Some guys will do
anything to get laid.
1980
01:40:24,775 --> 01:40:25,984
Uh-oh.
1981
01:40:33,659 --> 01:40:34,993
This has a...
1982
01:40:35,077 --> 01:40:37,246
a grape aftertaste.
1983
01:40:38,330 --> 01:40:40,249
And you do realize that
1984
01:40:40,332 --> 01:40:43,377
I can't guarantee when or-
1985
01:40:43,460 --> 01:40:46,255
or even if you'll wake up.
1986
01:40:46,338 --> 01:40:48,757
Yeah. No, I understand.
1987
01:40:56,348 --> 01:40:57,474
You mind if I ask you-
1988
01:40:57,558 --> 01:40:59,268
you tell me
if this is too personal,
1989
01:40:59,351 --> 01:41:03,856
but, uh...
how did you get here?
1990
01:41:03,939 --> 01:41:07,192
You know, in the larger sense?
1991
01:41:07,276 --> 01:41:08,861
It's not like I'm gonna
be telling anyone
1992
01:41:08,944 --> 01:41:11,113
for an indefinitely
long period of time.
1993
01:41:15,033 --> 01:41:16,326
I don't know.
1994
01:41:16,410 --> 01:41:18,453
I don't-
1995
01:41:18,537 --> 01:41:20,539
I'm not gonna talk
about my childhood.
1996
01:41:20,622 --> 01:41:23,792
You know?
'Cause that's not what-
1997
01:41:23,876 --> 01:41:27,379
My childhood wasn't any better
or worse than anyone else-
1998
01:41:27,463 --> 01:41:29,882
Oh, well, okay.
It was a little worse.
1999
01:41:29,965 --> 01:41:32,468
But, uh- but I escaped.
2000
01:41:34,052 --> 01:41:37,181
That's where I studied
poetry and chemistry.
2001
01:41:37,264 --> 01:41:40,142
Obviously better
at the latter than the former.
2002
01:41:40,225 --> 01:41:41,518
No, I wouldn't say that.
2003
01:41:41,602 --> 01:41:43,228
I really enjoy your writing.
2004
01:41:49,109 --> 01:41:51,820
You're right,
these spices do look amazing.
2005
01:41:51,904 --> 01:41:54,031
I mean, I've only read the stuff
that gets printed in the paper,
2006
01:41:54,114 --> 01:41:55,407
after each incident.
2007
01:41:55,491 --> 01:41:58,827
But what was it you spray-painted
after Number Seven?
2008
01:41:58,911 --> 01:42:00,871
"My ecstasy, your annihilation. "
2009
01:42:00,954 --> 01:42:04,875
"Our mess, nothing left to transgress. "
2010
01:42:04,958 --> 01:42:06,877
That's good.
2011
01:42:06,960 --> 01:42:09,922
But where was I?
Oh! Yes, of course.
2012
01:42:10,005 --> 01:42:15,427
Before I could graduate,
I was swept off my feet.
2013
01:42:15,511 --> 01:42:17,763
My husband was this, uh-
2014
01:42:19,556 --> 01:42:21,600
everything a girl's
supposed to want, right?
2015
01:42:21,683 --> 01:42:24,853
You know. I was his-
his princess.
2016
01:42:24,937 --> 01:42:28,482
He was my Prince Charming.
2017
01:42:29,483 --> 01:42:31,568
Can I try some of your kale?
2018
01:42:31,652 --> 01:42:35,614
- Trade you for that cherry tomato.
- All right.
2019
01:42:42,663 --> 01:42:45,874
You don't have to go on
if you don't want to.
2020
01:42:45,958 --> 01:42:47,584
No...
2021
01:42:47,668 --> 01:42:51,797
It actually feels good
to say the bad out loud.
2022
01:42:53,507 --> 01:42:57,511
But when I said
I was his princess,
2023
01:42:57,594 --> 01:43:00,139
I wasn't being metaphorical.
2024
01:43:01,557 --> 01:43:02,558
Every week,
2025
01:43:02,641 --> 01:43:05,394
a new princess costume
and a new wig.
2026
01:43:05,477 --> 01:43:06,854
"This way, I won't cheat,"
2027
01:43:06,937 --> 01:43:09,439
was the charming way he put it.
2028
01:43:09,523 --> 01:43:12,234
At first, it was... fun?
2029
01:43:12,317 --> 01:43:14,403
But then it wasn't.
2030
01:43:14,486 --> 01:43:15,988
It got rough, and I-
2031
01:43:30,836 --> 01:43:32,463
Did he hit you?
2032
01:43:32,546 --> 01:43:34,256
Aw...
2033
01:43:34,339 --> 01:43:37,551
You know, I've put
over 20 men into a coma.
2034
01:43:37,634 --> 01:43:40,637
When you're handing out
that kind of punishment-
2035
01:43:40,721 --> 01:43:42,764
The short answer is yes.
2036
01:43:42,848 --> 01:43:44,892
Yeah, he hit me.
2037
01:43:44,975 --> 01:43:46,810
And pretty much
every other verb
2038
01:43:46,894 --> 01:43:48,729
you could come up with.
2039
01:43:48,812 --> 01:43:50,689
But nothing above the neck.
2040
01:43:50,772 --> 01:43:52,816
The Princess and the Pirate.
2041
01:43:52,900 --> 01:43:55,068
The Princess and the Viking.
2042
01:43:55,152 --> 01:43:58,572
The Princess and
the Mongol Warlord.
2043
01:43:58,655 --> 01:44:00,115
Occasionally, he'd mix it up
2044
01:44:00,199 --> 01:44:02,784
and we'd do
The Sound of Music,
2045
01:44:02,868 --> 01:44:05,787
as if the Nazis won.
2046
01:44:05,871 --> 01:44:07,372
You know,
it couldn't be a crime.
2047
01:44:07,456 --> 01:44:08,791
He was my husband.
2048
01:44:08,874 --> 01:44:12,503
I did not complain.
I did not ask questions.
2049
01:44:12,586 --> 01:44:15,506
Although, why anyone
would want to treat
2050
01:44:15,589 --> 01:44:17,716
Julie Andrews
as a human ashtray...
2051
01:44:17,800 --> 01:44:20,928
As far as questions go,
that's a pretty good one.
2052
01:44:22,387 --> 01:44:24,473
It did improve my poetry, though.
2053
01:44:24,556 --> 01:44:27,309
It gave me a lot of good
material to work with.
2054
01:44:27,392 --> 01:44:29,770
God, you're a good listener, man.
2055
01:44:29,853 --> 01:44:31,730
You really are.
2056
01:44:32,731 --> 01:44:34,233
Oh, God- oh.
2057
01:44:34,316 --> 01:44:37,110
Then came Valentine's Day.
2058
01:44:37,194 --> 01:44:40,447
Oh, that was on a good one.
2059
01:44:40,531 --> 01:44:43,951
My hopeless situation,
my inability to change.
2060
01:44:44,034 --> 01:44:47,579
But all in iambic
pentameter, of course.
2061
01:44:50,374 --> 01:44:53,252
And then...
2062
01:44:53,544 --> 01:44:55,629
F-
2063
01:45:11,603 --> 01:45:13,730
I should have
been happy, right?
2064
01:45:13,814 --> 01:45:17,067
They tried everything.
They couldn't wake me up.
2065
01:45:17,151 --> 01:45:19,444
They thought
I was in a coma.
2066
01:45:19,528 --> 01:45:21,572
And that's when
I had the vision.
2067
01:45:51,977 --> 01:45:54,730
I had become my own
Prince Charming.
2068
01:45:54,813 --> 01:45:58,108
But there was much work
to be done in my kingdom.
2069
01:45:58,192 --> 01:46:00,235
Battles to be fought,
2070
01:46:00,319 --> 01:46:02,571
wars to be won.
2071
01:46:04,781 --> 01:46:07,868
You can pretty much
connect the dots from there.
2072
01:46:07,951 --> 01:46:11,246
Costumes, chemistry, poetry,
2073
01:46:11,330 --> 01:46:13,791
mutually degrading sexuality,
2074
01:46:13,874 --> 01:46:16,543
comas, "men suck. "
2075
01:46:16,627 --> 01:46:19,171
I don't know how much longer
I can keep running around like this.
2076
01:46:19,254 --> 01:46:20,631
It's not like I can't afford it.
2077
01:46:20,714 --> 01:46:23,634
I mean, my husband
was Victor Rose IV.
2078
01:46:23,717 --> 01:46:25,844
Victor R- wow.
2079
01:46:25,928 --> 01:46:27,137
Small world.
2080
01:46:27,221 --> 01:46:29,681
I kind of had a one-night stand
with his grandma.
2081
01:46:29,765 --> 01:46:31,683
Granny C?
2082
01:46:31,767 --> 01:46:33,811
My story's not
as compelling as yours,
2083
01:46:33,894 --> 01:46:35,479
but, uh, exactly a year ago,
2084
01:46:35,562 --> 01:46:38,106
I received a list of everyone
I'd ever had sex with
2085
01:46:38,190 --> 01:46:40,025
and ever would have sex with.
2086
01:46:40,108 --> 01:46:42,903
I find that very compelling.
2087
01:46:42,986 --> 01:46:45,823
I- I think we should
order dessert.
2088
01:46:45,906 --> 01:46:48,367
Raspberry tart?
Two forks?
2089
01:46:49,785 --> 01:46:52,287
You think I'm lying?
2090
01:46:52,371 --> 01:46:53,747
- You think I'm insane.
- No!
2091
01:46:53,831 --> 01:46:55,541
No. I-
2092
01:46:55,624 --> 01:46:57,793
And believe me,
I am an expert on both.
2093
01:46:58,710 --> 01:47:02,631
But Bambi and Thumper.
Seriously.
2094
01:47:02,714 --> 01:47:04,758
The Beyond-Ultimate
Lesbian Power Couple.
2095
01:47:04,842 --> 01:47:07,177
Yes. What a night.
2096
01:47:09,138 --> 01:47:11,890
Ohhh, fuck.
2097
01:47:13,350 --> 01:47:14,768
Fuck.
2098
01:47:18,814 --> 01:47:20,607
You know, uh-
2099
01:47:20,691 --> 01:47:22,484
I'd like to think that I-
2100
01:47:22,568 --> 01:47:24,319
I put something
interesting out there
2101
01:47:24,403 --> 01:47:26,196
into the atmosphere.
2102
01:47:26,280 --> 01:47:28,365
You know?
2103
01:47:28,448 --> 01:47:30,951
Just the whole idea of a...
2104
01:47:31,034 --> 01:47:34,496
a woman being able
to put a man down like a dog
2105
01:47:34,580 --> 01:47:36,373
for being bad, or...
2106
01:47:38,250 --> 01:47:41,295
for no reason at all.
2107
01:47:41,378 --> 01:47:43,046
I mean, well...
2108
01:47:43,130 --> 01:47:45,007
well, women have
had to deal with
2109
01:47:45,090 --> 01:47:49,052
the anytime, anywhere
dark impulses of men
2110
01:47:49,136 --> 01:47:50,596
forever, so...
2111
01:47:50,679 --> 01:47:53,515
God, I thought...
2112
01:47:53,599 --> 01:47:54,808
it was time to make the men
2113
01:47:54,892 --> 01:47:57,853
shake in their boots
for a while, you know?
2114
01:47:57,936 --> 01:48:00,856
I guess...
2115
01:48:00,939 --> 01:48:03,859
that's how I-
I rationalized it.
2116
01:48:03,942 --> 01:48:06,278
I- I am gone-
2117
01:48:06,361 --> 01:48:08,614
No, that's okay.
2118
01:48:08,697 --> 01:48:10,365
We're all gone.
You know, it's-
2119
01:48:11,408 --> 01:48:15,370
So many games, names.
2120
01:48:15,454 --> 01:48:16,789
Who did you love?
2121
01:48:16,872 --> 01:48:19,583
And who did you really love?
2122
01:48:19,666 --> 01:48:22,002
Did you break their heart?
2123
01:48:22,085 --> 01:48:25,047
Or did they break yours? Or-
2124
01:48:25,130 --> 01:48:28,634
You know there's some
real bliss in there somewhere.
2125
01:48:28,717 --> 01:48:31,720
And all you're left with is...
2126
01:48:32,930 --> 01:48:34,681
exhaustion.
2127
01:48:39,436 --> 01:48:40,813
I always liked that word.
2128
01:48:44,733 --> 01:48:47,611
Oh, and "depleted,"
2129
01:48:47,694 --> 01:48:51,532
"dissipated," and "spent. "
2130
01:48:51,615 --> 01:48:53,867
Those are good ones.
2131
01:48:53,951 --> 01:48:57,204
But "exhaustion... "
2132
01:48:57,287 --> 01:48:59,206
sounds like what it is.
2133
01:49:01,458 --> 01:49:03,877
And what better cure than sleep?
2134
01:49:05,129 --> 01:49:07,131
Lots of sleep.
2135
01:49:10,217 --> 01:49:11,802
I'll get this.
2136
01:49:11,885 --> 01:49:13,804
I insist.
2137
01:49:15,681 --> 01:49:17,474
Roderick.
2138
01:49:23,272 --> 01:49:24,314
Do you mind?
2139
01:49:25,983 --> 01:49:27,484
What, do you want me
to take two,
2140
01:49:27,568 --> 01:49:29,486
in case the first one
doesn't do the trick?
2141
01:49:29,570 --> 01:49:30,571
No!
2142
01:49:33,532 --> 01:49:36,952
I was just thinking,
since we're together...
2143
01:49:38,912 --> 01:49:42,166
while I'm putting one
in your mouth, you could...
2144
01:49:42,249 --> 01:49:43,959
put one...
2145
01:49:45,878 --> 01:49:47,838
Oh.
2146
01:49:47,921 --> 01:49:50,632
You-
You sure about this?
2147
01:49:50,716 --> 01:49:51,842
Yeah.
2148
01:49:51,925 --> 01:49:52,926
You know, I'm not gonna lie.
2149
01:49:53,010 --> 01:49:54,803
I'm a little flattered.
2150
01:49:57,181 --> 01:49:59,766
You should be.
2151
01:50:00,976 --> 01:50:01,977
Go back to my room?
2152
01:50:03,020 --> 01:50:04,104
Oh, no, no, no.
2153
01:50:04,188 --> 01:50:06,064
Not that room.
2154
01:50:07,065 --> 01:50:08,609
A different room.
2155
01:50:12,362 --> 01:50:13,822
Yeah.
2156
01:50:59,117 --> 01:51:00,160
So that's it.
2157
01:51:00,244 --> 01:51:02,538
The end of my story.
2158
01:51:02,621 --> 01:51:05,624
Well, one of my stories.
2159
01:51:05,707 --> 01:51:06,625
Mommy! Daddy!
2160
01:51:06,708 --> 01:51:09,378
I found a totato for the picnic!
2161
01:51:09,461 --> 01:51:11,797
- A totato!
- Totat-
2162
01:51:11,880 --> 01:51:14,842
Boy, you really are
the farmer in the family.
2163
01:51:14,925 --> 01:51:17,010
- That's-
- Let's see that.
2164
01:51:17,094 --> 01:51:19,388
I think I know what
we're having for the picnic!
2165
01:51:19,471 --> 01:51:21,056
Make some totato soup!
2166
01:51:21,140 --> 01:51:23,308
Buddy, what do you think?
That sound good?
2167
01:51:23,392 --> 01:51:25,894
The story of how I settled down,
2168
01:51:25,978 --> 01:51:27,146
how I met my wife.
2169
01:51:29,982 --> 01:51:31,525
Of how I learned that sometimes,
2170
01:51:31,608 --> 01:51:34,987
what seem to be answers
are really questions in disguise.
2171
01:51:36,321 --> 01:51:37,865
The Machine's list
taught me the who,
2172
01:51:37,948 --> 01:51:40,701
the what, the where,
and the when
2173
01:51:40,784 --> 01:51:43,412
is never as important as the why.
2174
01:51:43,495 --> 01:51:46,081
And the why's not all
that important, either.
2175
01:51:46,165 --> 01:51:50,919
* I want to unmake every bed *
2176
01:51:51,003 --> 01:51:55,424
* That I laid down on *
2177
01:51:55,507 --> 01:52:00,721
* Give back everything I've won *
2178
01:52:03,390 --> 01:52:05,809
* Good days *
2179
01:52:05,893 --> 01:52:07,936
* There'll be *
2180
01:52:08,020 --> 01:52:11,023
* Bad days *
2181
01:52:12,357 --> 01:52:17,154
* I want to unread every book *
2182
01:52:17,237 --> 01:52:21,200
* That my eyes laid on *
2183
01:52:21,283 --> 01:52:23,494
If it really is all a game,
2184
01:52:23,577 --> 01:52:25,204
sometimes the best
thing you can do
2185
01:52:25,287 --> 01:52:27,164
is press the reset button.
2186
01:52:28,332 --> 01:52:33,086
* I want to unsing every song *
2187
01:52:33,170 --> 01:52:37,674
* Unwrite every line *
2188
01:52:37,758 --> 01:52:40,969
For the first time in my life, I am.
2189
01:52:41,053 --> 01:52:43,055
I dare not add an adjective-
2190
01:52:43,138 --> 01:52:46,558
mature, content, happy.
2191
01:52:46,642 --> 01:52:49,144
"I am" is good enough for now.
2192
01:52:50,354 --> 01:52:53,273
Life is a lot like death.
2193
01:52:53,357 --> 01:52:57,110
It happens to everyone,
whether they like it or not.
2194
01:52:57,194 --> 01:52:59,071
The meaning of it all?
2195
01:52:59,154 --> 01:53:01,156
Honestly?
2196
01:53:01,240 --> 01:53:02,616
Who gives a fuck?
2197
01:53:23,220 --> 01:53:27,975
* I want to unsew every seam *
2198
01:53:28,058 --> 01:53:32,396
* Unwind every clock *
2199
01:53:32,479 --> 01:53:37,734
* Unbreathe every
breath I've made *
2200
01:53:41,530 --> 01:53:46,034
* I want to unset every sun *
2201
01:53:46,118 --> 01:53:50,831
* That my eyes fell on *
2202
01:53:50,914 --> 01:53:56,170
* Till I give back all I've won *
2203
01:54:00,007 --> 01:54:02,217
* Good days *
2204
01:54:02,301 --> 01:54:04,219
* There'll be *
2205
01:54:04,303 --> 01:54:07,139
* Bad days *
2206
01:54:09,183 --> 01:54:11,310
* Good days *
2207
01:54:11,393 --> 01:54:13,479
* There'll be *
2208
01:54:13,562 --> 01:54:16,440
* Bad days *
2209
01:54:18,233 --> 01:54:20,444
* Good days *
2210
01:54:20,527 --> 01:54:22,654
* There'll be *
2211
01:54:22,738 --> 01:54:25,324
* Bad days *
2212
01:54:27,367 --> 01:54:29,661
* Good days *
2213
01:54:29,745 --> 01:54:32,039
* There'll be *
2214
01:54:32,122 --> 01:54:35,042
* Bad days *
157207
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