All language subtitles for Rick and Morty s04e05_English

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,071 --> 00:00:03,313 Morty, be sure to pee before we go. 2 00:00:03,348 --> 00:00:04,763 This adventure is gonna be a long haul, 3 00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,696 and I don't feel like emptying the jug. 4 00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:08,836 Jerry, will you please just let me automate this fucking task? 5 00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:10,355 I didn't ask for anyone's help. 6 00:00:10,389 --> 00:00:12,012 You two are welcome to leave. 7 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,392 Mom told me she wanted me to stay here 8 00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:15,256 to make sure you didn't die. 9 00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:17,189 Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine. 10 00:00:17,224 --> 00:00:19,053 Don't train your child to lie, Jerry, 11 00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:20,848 even though, you know, 'tis the season. 12 00:00:20,882 --> 00:00:22,056 Then I'll tell her. 13 00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:23,851 Whoa! 14 00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:25,577 I told you, no more rays. 15 00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:27,406 What ray did you zap me with? 16 00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:30,168 I made your atomic matrix slightly lighter than air, 17 00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,377 and now your shoes are heavier than air, 18 00:00:32,411 --> 00:00:34,379 which makes you neutrally buoyant, 19 00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:37,037 which I find personally more impressive conceptually 20 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,969 than walking on water, but what do I know? 21 00:00:39,004 --> 00:00:41,179 I wasn't born into the god business. 22 00:00:41,213 --> 00:00:42,421 I fucking earned it. 23 00:00:42,456 --> 00:00:44,803 Whoa! [ Laughs ] 24 00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,081 Just to be clear, this doesn't mean you helped me. 25 00:00:47,116 --> 00:00:48,393 It wears off in 10 hours, 26 00:00:48,427 --> 00:00:50,395 and the next hit will cost you 30 bucks. 27 00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:53,398 Like I'll even be using it in 10 hours. 28 00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:55,089 [ Whispers ] Siri, set a 9-hour and 50-minute timer. 29 00:00:55,124 --> 00:00:56,332 Siri: Playing The Beatles. 30 00:00:57,643 --> 00:00:59,059 I need to pee. Nope. 31 00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,474 Here, I've got a centipede you can swallow 32 00:01:00,508 --> 00:01:01,647 that makes you not have to go. 33 00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,615 I ain't swallowing no centipede. 34 00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:05,272 What, you think the centipede wants to eat your pee? 35 00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:07,136 You're not the victim in this transaction. 36 00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:08,999 [ Thump ]Uh-oh, flat tire. 37 00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:11,001 How the hell do you get a flat tire in space, Rick? 38 00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:13,280 Obviously from a sharp thing in space, Morty. 39 00:01:13,314 --> 00:01:14,591 It's just crazy how much it feels 40 00:01:14,626 --> 00:01:16,317 like getting a regular flat. 41 00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,078 Oh, no, no, that's just my custom-programmed, 42 00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:21,253 fully immersive flat-tire indication experience. 43 00:01:21,288 --> 00:01:23,013 I can turn it off. I thought it was cooler 44 00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:25,499 than the celebrity voice package, but here. 45 00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:28,571 Christopher Walken: Flat tire -- you should be...walkin'. 46 00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,435 Oof. Yeah. 47 00:01:30,469 --> 00:01:32,644 Can I come out with you, Rick?No, I've seen this movie. 48 00:01:32,678 --> 00:01:34,404 Two guys leave th[burps]e ship. 49 00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:35,750 One guy goes spinning away. 50 00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,442 You're staying in here where it's safe. 51 00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,478 [ Gasps ] 52 00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:40,445 [ Pants ] 53 00:01:42,274 --> 00:01:43,655 Morty, goddamn it. Come on. 54 00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:45,312 I n-- I never get to be out here. 55 00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:47,141 Ugh, you young people think space is like 56 00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:48,625 "Saturday Night Live." 57 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,352 You see it every day, so you dream of being in it, 58 00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,458 but it dreams of removing all the air from your body 59 00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:55,149 and making you float around it for eternity 60 00:01:55,184 --> 00:01:56,840 as a flash-mummified corpse, 61 00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:59,981 which is also what space wants, so get back in the car. 62 00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:01,949 I'm not in danger. There's nothing out here. 63 00:02:01,983 --> 00:02:03,537 Literally everything is out here, 64 00:02:03,571 --> 00:02:05,987 and unlike everywhere else, I'm too busy to help you. 65 00:02:06,022 --> 00:02:08,266 Right, because you're always so helpful. 66 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,681 Ah! 67 00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:13,857 God damn it. What is that? 68 00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,859 Obviously, it's a space snake. 69 00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:17,344 T-There's snakes in space? 70 00:02:17,378 --> 00:02:19,691 There's literally everything in space, Morty! 71 00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:21,520 Now get the fuck back in the car. 72 00:02:21,555 --> 00:02:29,494 ♪♪ 73 00:02:29,528 --> 00:02:37,467 ♪♪ 74 00:02:37,502 --> 00:02:45,682 ♪♪ 75 00:02:45,717 --> 00:02:53,587 ♪♪ 76 00:02:53,621 --> 00:02:55,727 Morty: I'm dying, Rick. 77 00:02:55,761 --> 00:02:57,936 [ Groans ] I can see the black mountain. 78 00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,180 People who are really dying don't keep bring it up. 79 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,733 Is that true? I don't know. 80 00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:03,942 I'm just usually around people that die faster. 81 00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,427 [ Groans ]All right. All right. 82 00:03:06,462 --> 00:03:07,739 J-Just let me analyze the snake's planet, 83 00:03:07,773 --> 00:03:09,361 so I can whip up an antivenom. 84 00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:11,570 Computer, you might want to put a rush on this. 85 00:03:11,605 --> 00:03:13,917 Morty's starting to look like a '90s Japanese ghost. 86 00:03:13,952 --> 00:03:15,747 Computer: Cutting corners. 87 00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:18,439 Oof, oh, my God, these snakes are a mess. 88 00:03:18,474 --> 00:03:20,855 19 billion snakes divided into 10,000 nations 89 00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,892 all on the brink of global war over... 90 00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:24,756 [Laughs] race. 91 00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,206 How funny is that? 92 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,138 Imagine being a racist snake. 93 00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:29,381 "Hey, other snake, I hate you 94 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,763 because you're the wrong color, snake." 95 00:03:31,797 --> 00:03:33,799 Oh, my God. You're not laughing? 96 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,629 Oh, you're dying. 97 00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,079 It's a miracle they were able to fling one this far out 98 00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:39,943 before they slithered into extinction. 99 00:03:39,978 --> 00:03:42,567 Oh, oh, God, I killed their -- 100 00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:44,569 What's his name, their Buzz Aspirin? 101 00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:45,984 It's actually Buzz Advil, Morty, 102 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,365 and, uh, this is totally different. 103 00:03:47,399 --> 00:03:48,745 It's a female snake. 104 00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,471 There's an extra layer of heartbreak. 105 00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:52,093 Wait. Wait. Morty, Morty, you hear that? 106 00:03:52,128 --> 00:03:53,578 Listen.[ Rhythmic hissing ] 107 00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:55,373 Snake jazz. 108 00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:57,651 Ha. Idiots. Let's get moving. 109 00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:58,997 We've got a long way to go, 110 00:03:59,031 --> 00:03:59,963 and I'm not sharing that centipede. 111 00:03:59,998 --> 00:04:01,896 Rick, wait. Go back. 112 00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:04,382 I-I can't be the reason why 19 billion snakes lost all hope. 113 00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:05,590 That's right, Morty. 114 00:04:05,624 --> 00:04:07,488 Only 19 billion snakes can do that. 115 00:04:07,523 --> 00:04:09,559 That species was never getting beyond this stage. 116 00:04:09,594 --> 00:04:11,665 To paraphrase the great Jeff Foxworthy, 117 00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:14,012 if you bite your first contact on its ankle, 118 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,359 you might be a type-zero-civilization-neck." 119 00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,121 What up, homeys? 120 00:04:20,156 --> 00:04:22,123 Shooting hoops, I see. 121 00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:23,608 Hey, who's interested in a friendly bet 122 00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:25,679 that this white guy can jump. 123 00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:27,784 Hey, leave the racial stuff off the court, okay? 124 00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:29,821 Oh, I thought that kind of talk was part of street ball. 125 00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,617 Well, now it's part of everything else, so chill. 126 00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:33,997 We -- We got off on the wrong foot. 127 00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,034 My name is Jerry Smith. I live in the suburbs. 128 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,001 I'm only here because I have a certain power 129 00:04:38,036 --> 00:04:40,038 I wanted to kind of celebrate before it goes away. 130 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,626 Yo, we got a Nazi up here. 131 00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,042 Hey, I think there's a misunderstanding. 132 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,526 Here, just -- just watch. 133 00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:46,769 Huh? 134 00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:47,873 Help! Help! 135 00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,841 I-I need that shoe! 136 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,638 No, no, don't touch that shoe or that money. 137 00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:55,812 Let them be a powerful but confusing monument 138 00:04:55,847 --> 00:04:57,297 to our neighborhood's integrity. 139 00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,783 Oh, boy, what an adventure, huh? 140 00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:02,474 Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset 141 00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:03,958 about the whole snake encounter thing, 142 00:05:03,993 --> 00:05:05,305 so I'll tell you what. 143 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,444 I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you 144 00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:07,445 for the rest of the day. 145 00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:08,584 [ Cans clatter ] 146 00:05:10,551 --> 00:05:12,001 Play snake jazz. 147 00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:14,693 [ Rhythmic hissing ] 148 00:05:14,728 --> 00:05:20,630 ♪♪ 149 00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:26,671 ♪♪ 150 00:05:26,705 --> 00:05:27,844 I-Is this one friendly? 151 00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,639 It's a snake. 152 00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:31,365 You ever -- You ever see this one look up at the sky 153 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,919 like it's dreaming of something more? 154 00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:36,888 No, but, uh, all those ones marked with red sticker, yeah. 155 00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:38,890 Any snake over 50 bucks yearns for the beyond. 156 00:05:38,924 --> 00:05:40,374 I-I-I've seen them do it. 157 00:05:40,409 --> 00:05:43,998 [ Hissing ] 158 00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,863 Ow! Damn it, Slippy, come on. 159 00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,865 Ow! Just please. 160 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,109 [ Crying ] I'm sorry. 161 00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:55,009 Man on TV: Everyone has a plumbus in their home. 162 00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:57,460 First, they take the dinglepop. 163 00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:04,329 Ow! [Bleep] monster. 164 00:06:08,091 --> 00:06:11,405 [ Radar beeping ] 165 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,579 [ Hissing ] 166 00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,967 [ Hissing ] 167 00:06:22,002 --> 00:06:24,763 [ Hissing ] 168 00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,109 [ Hissing ] 169 00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:27,594 [ Camera shutters clicking ] 170 00:06:32,771 --> 00:06:34,359 [ Hissing ] 171 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,815 [ Monitors beeping ] 172 00:06:44,956 --> 00:06:47,130 [ Hissing ] 173 00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,963 [ Hissing ] 174 00:07:13,778 --> 00:07:15,158 [ Hissing ] 175 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,954 [ Hisses ] 176 00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:26,825 [ Hissing] 177 00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:03,034 Downbeat. 178 00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:04,484 How do you win this fucking game? 179 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,037 We-We've never gotten that far. 180 00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,246 Guys, did I not tell you to keep your eye on Jerry? 181 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,834 We did.Then where is he? 182 00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,076 Maybe he's having an affair. 183 00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:14,252 [ Laughter ] 184 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,047 But for real, has anyone seen him? 185 00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,635 Grandpa, did you trap him in a painting again? 186 00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:18,705 I didn't do shit. 187 00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:20,534 Well, y-y-you made him floaty. 188 00:08:20,569 --> 00:08:22,432 -Asshole. -Made him floaty? 189 00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,332 I saved his life by making his body slightly lighter than air, 190 00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:26,920 and it expires in a couple of hours. 191 00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:29,232 Expires, like he'll fall out of the sky? 192 00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,027 He won't by in the sky, Beth, 193 00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:34,859 unless it's possible for Jerry to fuck up wearing shoes. 194 00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,619 Oh, crap, he's gonna die. -What were you thinking? 195 00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:40,830 [ Shivering ] 196 00:08:40,865 --> 00:08:45,041 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 197 00:08:45,076 --> 00:08:46,595 Hey, babe. 198 00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:48,597 Jerry, are you in the air? 199 00:08:48,631 --> 00:08:50,253 Rick told me he made you floaty. 200 00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:52,117 Made me floaty? Pfft. 201 00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:54,603 Got to love Rick's world view. 202 00:08:54,637 --> 00:08:56,536 Yes, I had Rick make me floaty 203 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,882 so I could put up some lights. 204 00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:59,400 Now, I'm at the light store. 205 00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:01,092 [ Squawking] Get away! 206 00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:04,958 Sorry, this lady at the store is trying to peck me. 207 00:09:04,992 --> 00:09:08,271 Yes, you can help me find lights after I'm off the phone. 208 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:10,308 We're in Rick's ship. How about we just pick you up? 209 00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,758 You're with Rick?Well, why wouldn't I -- 210 00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:13,414 Jerry, I paused Beth with a device 211 00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:15,900 Christopher Walken gave me after a record session. 212 00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:17,315 Real talk, buddy, where you at? 213 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,937 Go to hell, Rick. Come on, Jerry. 214 00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:20,698 I can recognize the sound of a seagull. 215 00:09:20,732 --> 00:09:22,941 Can you recognize the sound of a man's pants 216 00:09:22,976 --> 00:09:24,702 filling up with rain? 217 00:09:24,736 --> 00:09:26,773 I hope to one day. 218 00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,568 Jerry, I'll tell you what. 219 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,811 Because it's Christmas, I'm gonna do you a favor. 220 00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:32,641 I won't let you die, and I won't tell Beth 221 00:09:32,675 --> 00:09:34,125 that you almost killed yourself. 222 00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,714 Sounds like a win-win to me. Come again? 223 00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:39,233 If I survive, it'll be without you, 224 00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:41,339 and if I die, it'll be on your ass. 225 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,513 Merry Christmas, bitch. 226 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:47,552 I am the Jesus Christ of Christmas! 227 00:09:56,941 --> 00:09:59,806 [ Screaming ] 228 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,015 [ Cellphone vibrates ]...I be with him? 229 00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:04,189 We both care. 230 00:10:04,224 --> 00:10:06,019 Whoa. Jerry. Yes, honey? 231 00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,745 Let us just come get you. 232 00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:09,367 Beth, I am so touched 233 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,472 that you care for me this much, but I'm fine, 234 00:10:11,507 --> 00:10:13,267 and I just want to put up these Christmas lights, 235 00:10:13,302 --> 00:10:15,028 and [Distorted] I will eat your world. 236 00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:17,547 Honey, my dad can hear you. 237 00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:18,756 [ Normal voice ] Got to go. 238 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,171 [ Distorted ] See you soon. 239 00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:21,759 Okay. 240 00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:24,762 [ Screams ] 241 00:10:24,796 --> 00:10:26,384 Well, it sounds like he's fine. 242 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,145 Yeah, I'm almost kind of rooting for him this time. 243 00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:36,187 ♪♪ 244 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:38,189 One Diet Sprite Remix, please, 245 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,778 and, uh, is anyone here an Uber driver? 246 00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:42,365 You can't bring that boulder in here. 247 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,022 What?I said no boulders. 248 00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:45,783 This ain't the lake, buddy. -Drop the rock. 249 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:48,026 Well, it's kind of a -- a service boulder. 250 00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:49,476 Yeah, I float without it. 251 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,374 Big man holding a big rock, 252 00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:52,962 think you can take me down? 253 00:10:52,997 --> 00:10:55,171 No, obviously not. You're huge. 254 00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:56,414 -Then put it down. -Put the boulder down! 255 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,036 If I put it down, I'm going to float. 256 00:10:58,071 --> 00:10:59,659 -Drop it! -Put it down! 257 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,212 And frankly, your bar has a lot of ceiling fans. 258 00:11:01,246 --> 00:11:02,489 You think you're better than us?Drop the rock. 259 00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,249 -Put it down. -Okay, okay, okay. 260 00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:06,010 Hey, whoa, what the [bleep] 261 00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:07,045 Stop doing that.I told you this would happen. 262 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,013 Well, stop floating. 263 00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,014 -Who said you could float here? -I can't control it. 264 00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:12,706 [ Indistinct shouting ] 265 00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:16,330 Aaaaaaaaaah! 266 00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,194 And take your girlfriend with you. 267 00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:20,265 [ Grunts ] 268 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,510 [ Snake jazz playing ] 269 00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:25,443 Summer, how supes shook am I 270 00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,238 about your playlisting fleekness tonight? 271 00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,033 You love it? It's snake jazz. 272 00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,000 My little brother got bit by a snake in outer space 273 00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:32,346 and killed it with a hubcap, 274 00:11:32,381 --> 00:11:33,727 and my grandpa had to scan its planet's culture 275 00:11:33,762 --> 00:11:35,280 for an antivenom, and they found this. 276 00:11:35,315 --> 00:11:37,041 It's my jam. 277 00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:40,113 Seriously, my new thing now is snake jazz. 278 00:11:40,147 --> 00:11:41,873 Can you alter the course of a species' evolution 279 00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,254 like that without repercussions? 280 00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:45,083 Gee, I don't know, Nancy. 281 00:11:45,118 --> 00:11:47,051 Can you alter the course of being a giant fucking nerd? 282 00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:49,122 Sorry. 283 00:11:49,156 --> 00:11:50,192 Also, later, we need to discuss your clothing and your weight. 284 00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:51,227 That's fair. 285 00:11:51,262 --> 00:11:53,436 [ Moans ] 286 00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:54,921 What the hell? 287 00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:56,267 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 288 00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:57,855 [ Gunshot ] 289 00:11:57,889 --> 00:12:03,861 ♪♪ 290 00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:05,310 Snakes! Get back in the car! 291 00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:07,140 Morty, enough with the -- Snakes! 292 00:12:07,174 --> 00:12:08,935 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 293 00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:14,319 Aliens, I am a robot sent back in time by the Snake Resistance 294 00:12:14,354 --> 00:12:16,425 to protect you from Serpacorp. 295 00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,738 My appearance is designed to be familiar and to put you at ease. 296 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:22,327 The ape child must be eliminated to protect our timeline. 297 00:12:22,362 --> 00:12:23,743 Morty, what the hell did you do? 298 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,399 I was just trying to do the right thing. 299 00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:27,056 I took a living snake -- 300 00:12:27,091 --> 00:12:29,507 [ Groans ] 301 00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,957 Get behind me. I will protect -- 302 00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:33,269 Aaah! 303 00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:38,412 ♪♪ 304 00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:40,138 Why -- Why are they attacking us? 305 00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:41,761 I-I-I helped them. 306 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,176 You gave them proof that there was something bigger 307 00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:45,316 and scarier to unite against, you little idiot. 308 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,800 They would have gone back into the Dark Ages 309 00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:48,112 for a couple of generations, 310 00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:49,769 but instead, they dedicated themselves 311 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,287 into making universe-destroying, 312 00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:53,773 un-thought-out technology like time travel 313 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,189 all so they could try to kill a little shit sack on Earth 314 00:12:56,223 --> 00:12:57,777 who couldn't let a dead snake be dead 315 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,124 even after it bit his ankle. 316 00:13:00,158 --> 00:13:01,988 Next time, stay in the fucking car. 317 00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:09,167 Narrator: 17 billion snake lives ended on June 21, 2026. 318 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:13,137 The survivors lived only to face a new nightmare, 319 00:13:13,171 --> 00:13:17,797 the war between snake and machine. 320 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,937 In the end, snake overcame machine 321 00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,042 because of what we couldn't predict -- 322 00:13:22,077 --> 00:13:26,875 that an alien, a child from a distant star, would save us. 323 00:13:26,909 --> 00:13:34,227 ♪♪ 324 00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:41,855 ♪♪ 325 00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:43,857 W-Where are we going? W-What are we doing here, Rick? 326 00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,031 We got to get the heart of Snake Net. 327 00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:47,240 Now, shut up, and stay close. 328 00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:49,138 [ Robotically ] Resistance is mouselike. 329 00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,692 Whoa, hey, look. That one's actually really cool. 330 00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:52,762 Come here, little guy. 331 00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:54,350 Ah, you little son of a bitch. 332 00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:56,870 Come on, Morty. 333 00:13:56,905 --> 00:14:00,011 [ Robotically ] Your brood must be exterminated. 334 00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:02,842 You will not kill her or her brood. 335 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,189 -Must kill brood and mother. -Get behind me. 336 00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:07,398 Your brood will seed all life on this planet. 337 00:14:07,432 --> 00:14:09,538 -That doesn't make sense. -That didn't make sense. 338 00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:10,850 Hey, it's -- it's Slippy! 339 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,713 Keep up, shit bag. 340 00:14:21,722 --> 00:14:25,416 [ Sighs ] 341 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,004 Beth: Hi, you went directly to voicemail 342 00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,419 because your number is not in my phone. 343 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:29,627 Don't leave a message. 344 00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,215 Hi, honey. 345 00:14:31,249 --> 00:14:34,218 Uh, look. Morty told me that you didn't think 346 00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,392 I could hang lights without killing myself. 347 00:14:36,427 --> 00:14:42,882 Look, I want to be a strong man for you, but the truth is -- 348 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,885 The truth is, I'm coming home with the best lights ever. 349 00:14:49,302 --> 00:14:50,890 Oof. 350 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:51,821 Whoa, feel that turbulence? 351 00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:53,202 Nope, I'm on molly. 352 00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:54,721 Give me some. Ahh. 353 00:14:54,755 --> 00:14:56,067 [ Both laugh ] 354 00:14:59,864 --> 00:15:01,072 Siri: 10 hours has expired. 355 00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,972 Aaaah! 356 00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:07,458 I don't suppose you guys will take a bribe? 357 00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:08,217 [ Hisses ] 358 00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:09,529 Ah! 359 00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:14,706 Anyone else want legs? 360 00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:22,093 God damn it. Are you kidding me? 361 00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:23,957 I thought there'd be a time machine in here. 362 00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:25,959 They're not even a quarter of the way through making it. 363 00:15:25,994 --> 00:15:27,650 I'm gonna have to invent it for them. 364 00:15:27,685 --> 00:15:29,066 I-I don't know snake math. 365 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,619 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this. 366 00:15:30,653 --> 00:15:32,932 Fuck. All right. 367 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,485 W-What's going on? What are you doing? 368 00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:37,488 I'm reminding myself to commit even more to your fuck up. 369 00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:38,972 Hey, assholes. 370 00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,111 Fuck you. Takes one to know one. 371 00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:41,941 What the heck? 372 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,873 Hey, man, you -- you okay?You know what? Fuck you. 373 00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:46,462 What? Screw you. Here. 374 00:15:46,497 --> 00:15:47,981 Come on. Was it really that hard? 375 00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:49,949 What do you think? Come on, Morty. 376 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,951 Man, I-I-I wonder why I had a black eye. 377 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,814 Morty, shut the fuck up and put these on. 378 00:15:56,817 --> 00:16:03,514 ♪♪ 379 00:16:03,548 --> 00:16:04,998 Okay, so w-what are we doing? 380 00:16:05,033 --> 00:16:06,310 That book has everything they need 381 00:16:06,344 --> 00:16:08,139 to create snake time travel, 382 00:16:08,174 --> 00:16:11,142 a-and they're getting it in 1985, snake time. 383 00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:13,282 Now, they're gonna do it so early that it won't involve us, 384 00:16:13,317 --> 00:16:14,732 and they're gonna be even stupider with it. 385 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,285 Huh, a-and then what? 386 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,184 We're removing ourselves from this sloppy, 387 00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:19,909 fucked up story and letting snake time travel 388 00:16:19,944 --> 00:16:21,187 eat its own tail. 389 00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,332 [ Hissing ] 390 00:16:28,366 --> 00:16:29,747 [ All hissing ] 391 00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:01,020 [ Hissing ] 392 00:17:29,427 --> 00:17:30,808 ♪♪ 393 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,121 Just have to keep my grip. 394 00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,468 Jerry Smith, I am here to save you. 395 00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,746 What? I already told Rick I don't want help. 396 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,368 I do not know Rick. 397 00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,991 I was sent by a society of human-snake hybrids... 398 00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,786 Classic Rick....from an alternate version -- 399 00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,791 I did it! We're landing! 400 00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,138 I knew I could do it. 401 00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:51,829 [ Laughs hysterically ] 402 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:59,940 ♪♪ 403 00:17:59,975 --> 00:18:02,426 Jesus Christ, Rick, it's pandemonium out there! 404 00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:04,497 T-This is worse than when we left. 405 00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:06,188 Rick, look, Summer! 406 00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:13,022 Nobody chokes me without consent. 407 00:18:13,057 --> 00:18:14,817 Y-You just made things worse, Rick. 408 00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:16,129 Trust me, Morty. 409 00:18:16,164 --> 00:18:18,027 We helped them press on the gas pedal. 410 00:18:18,062 --> 00:18:19,960 We just got to wait for them to blow by a cop. 411 00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,172 [ Telephone rings ] 412 00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:26,243 Shleemypants here, what's up? 413 00:18:26,277 --> 00:18:29,280 Snakes? Time travel? They did what? 414 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:32,249 How the fuck did -- Okay, okay, I'm on it. 415 00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:35,631 We got a 10-51 on a goddamn snake planet. 416 00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:38,047 Don't look at me. I'm afraid of snakes. 417 00:18:38,082 --> 00:18:39,532 "I'm afraid of snakes," Bullshit. 418 00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:41,430 You afraid of work. That's what you afraid of. 419 00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:43,052 All right. All right. 420 00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:44,192 [ Sighs ] Let's go take care of this. 421 00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:49,680 [ Hisses ] 422 00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:51,130 Oh, look at you. 423 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,683 You a smart snake, huh? 424 00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:54,478 You using tools now, huh? 425 00:18:54,512 --> 00:18:56,065 Those tools are gonna turn into you 426 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,998 manipulating the fabric of shit. 427 00:18:58,033 --> 00:18:59,655 Get over here, mother fuckerWhat the fuck you think you doing? 428 00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:03,211 Don't fuck with time.You don't fuck with time. 429 00:19:03,245 --> 00:19:05,316 [ Snakes hissing ] 430 00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:08,147 Holy shitWhat happened? 431 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,527 Look, this is better than them attacking us. 432 00:19:09,562 --> 00:19:11,322 Also, that's about as much curvature 433 00:19:11,357 --> 00:19:13,359 as you're gonna get from a time-travel story. 434 00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:15,499 You know what? This one counts as one of your adventures. 435 00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,156 Hey, come on. No freebies. 436 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,158 Aw, man, I-I wanted to go to Boob World. 437 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,987 Well, now, we can't because you fucked up. 438 00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:23,162 Got to learn a lesson. 439 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,508 You want to go to Boob World, Summer? 440 00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:25,888 Eh, not today. 441 00:19:25,923 --> 00:19:29,582 [ Sighs ] This sucks. 442 00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:31,687 [ Panting ] Hey, honey, check it out. 443 00:19:31,722 --> 00:19:34,034 Jerry, I was worried about you. 444 00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:36,347 Oh, just killing some snakes up here like everyone else, 445 00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:37,935 I guess, and finishing the Christmas lights. 446 00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,523 Wait, the whole time? 447 00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:42,042 I was screaming for help, and you stayed on the roof? 448 00:19:42,077 --> 00:19:44,010 I couldn't hear you over my own screaming. 449 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,184 We've talked about this. 450 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,531 Well, I'm just glad you're safe. 451 00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:50,016 Well, duh, of course, I'm safe. 452 00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,397 Hey, guess what, asshole. 453 00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:52,708 I did it without you. 454 00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,193 Whoa! Ah! 455 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:57,126 Oh, God, it hurts. 456 00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,266 What was that? 457 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,199 I healed your leg 50%. 458 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,339 The rest is on you, big man. 459 00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:05,238 That's what I'm talking about. Respect, my brother. 460 00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:07,413 Geez, your dad sucks. All right, Morty. 461 00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:09,138 Let's go enjoy a little bit of eggnog, huh? 462 00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:10,243 All right. 463 00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:12,072 Not so fast, boys. 464 00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:13,557 Yeah, I think you might be forgetting something. 465 00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,559 Merry Christmas, fuck nuts. Get to work. 466 00:20:15,593 --> 00:20:17,250 Geez, I don't see why you have to be smug about it. 467 00:20:17,285 --> 00:20:18,424 -A bunch of bullshit -That's not necessary. 468 00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:20,219 This fucking sucks. 469 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,565 Yeah, it's fun until it's you, huh, shit nog? 470 00:20:21,599 --> 00:20:24,153 Yeah, have fun sewing those snake costumes together, 471 00:20:24,188 --> 00:20:25,776 you little tramp. -You tell them, Morty. 472 00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,881 Geez, you guys don't have to be dicks about it, all right? 473 00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:30,159 Yeah, neither did the guys before us, but you know what? 474 00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:31,885 They were. Merry Christmas, you shit bags. 475 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,371 Yeah, ghost of Christmas future, bitches, you fucking idiots. 476 00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:36,994 So mean. Those guys are mean. 477 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:44,553 ♪♪ 478 00:20:44,588 --> 00:20:52,596 ♪♪ 479 00:20:52,630 --> 00:21:00,431 ♪♪ 480 00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:08,474 ♪♪ 481 00:21:08,508 --> 00:21:10,648 Man, I just want to open my Christmas presents. 482 00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:12,685 Well, I'm waiting on you to finish those snake costumes. 483 00:21:12,719 --> 00:21:14,618 I'm almost done. You know what? 484 00:21:14,652 --> 00:21:16,033 T-They're good enough. I'm done. 485 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,448 All right. Let's go. 486 00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:21,280 All right. We're landing. Come on. 487 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:23,420 Man, I can't believe we're almost done, Rick. 488 00:21:23,454 --> 00:21:24,973 I can practically taste the eggnog. 489 00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:26,423 Hey, you know what? 490 00:21:26,457 --> 00:21:28,425 I -- I feel like we're forgetting something. 491 00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:30,427 Oh, yeah, uh, thanks for reminding me. 492 00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,429 Morty, next time, stay in the car. 493 00:21:32,463 --> 00:21:33,878 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 494 00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:37,848 Did you get any of that? 35765

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.