Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,071 --> 00:00:03,313
Morty, be sure to pee
before we go.
2
00:00:03,348 --> 00:00:04,763
This adventure is gonna be
a long haul,
3
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,696
and I don't feel like
emptying the jug.
4
00:00:06,730 --> 00:00:08,836
Jerry, will you please just let
me automate this fucking task?
5
00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:10,355
I didn't ask
for anyone's help.
6
00:00:10,389 --> 00:00:12,012
You two
are welcome to leave.
7
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,392
Mom told me she wanted me
to stay here
8
00:00:13,427 --> 00:00:15,256
to make sure
you didn't die.
9
00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:17,189
Well, you tell your mother
that I'm gonna be fine.
10
00:00:17,224 --> 00:00:19,053
Don't train your child
to lie, Jerry,
11
00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:20,848
even though, you know,
'tis the season.
12
00:00:20,882 --> 00:00:22,056
Then I'll tell her.
13
00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:23,851
Whoa!
14
00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:25,577
I told you,
no more rays.
15
00:00:25,611 --> 00:00:27,406
What ray
did you zap me with?
16
00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:30,168
I made your atomic matrix
slightly lighter than air,
17
00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:32,377
and now your shoes
are heavier than air,
18
00:00:32,411 --> 00:00:34,379
which makes you
neutrally buoyant,
19
00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:37,037
which I find personally
more impressive conceptually
20
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,969
than walking on water,
but what do I know?
21
00:00:39,004 --> 00:00:41,179
I wasn't born into
the god business.
22
00:00:41,213 --> 00:00:42,421
I fucking earned it.
23
00:00:42,456 --> 00:00:44,803
Whoa! [ Laughs ]
24
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:47,081
Just to be clear,
this doesn't mean you helped me.
25
00:00:47,116 --> 00:00:48,393
It wears off in 10 hours,
26
00:00:48,427 --> 00:00:50,395
and the next hit
will cost you 30 bucks.
27
00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:53,398
Like I'll even be using it
in 10 hours.
28
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:55,089
[ Whispers ] Siri, set a 9-hour
and 50-minute timer.
29
00:00:55,124 --> 00:00:56,332
Siri: Playing The Beatles.
30
00:00:57,643 --> 00:00:59,059
I need to pee.
Nope.
31
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,474
Here, I've got a centipede
you can swallow
32
00:01:00,508 --> 00:01:01,647
that makes you
not have to go.
33
00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,615
I ain't swallowing
no centipede.
34
00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:05,272
What, you think the centipede
wants to eat your pee?
35
00:01:05,306 --> 00:01:07,136
You're not the victim
in this transaction.
36
00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:08,999
[ Thump ]Uh-oh, flat tire.
37
00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:11,001
How the hell do you get
a flat tire in space, Rick?
38
00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:13,280
Obviously from a sharp thing
in space, Morty.
39
00:01:13,314 --> 00:01:14,591
It's just crazy
how much it feels
40
00:01:14,626 --> 00:01:16,317
like getting
a regular flat.
41
00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,078
Oh, no, no, that's just
my custom-programmed,
42
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:21,253
fully immersive flat-tire
indication experience.
43
00:01:21,288 --> 00:01:23,013
I can turn it off.
I thought it was cooler
44
00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:25,499
than the celebrity voice
package, but here.
45
00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:28,571
Christopher Walken: Flat tire --
you should be...walkin'.
46
00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,435
Oof.
Yeah.
47
00:01:30,469 --> 00:01:32,644
Can I come out with you, Rick?No, I've seen this movie.
48
00:01:32,678 --> 00:01:34,404
Two guys leave
th[burps]e ship.
49
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:35,750
One guy
goes spinning away.
50
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,442
You're staying in here
where it's safe.
51
00:01:37,476 --> 00:01:39,478
[ Gasps ]
52
00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:40,445
[ Pants ]
53
00:01:42,274 --> 00:01:43,655
Morty, goddamn it.
Come on.
54
00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:45,312
I n-- I never
get to be out here.
55
00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:47,141
Ugh, you young people
think space is like
56
00:01:47,176 --> 00:01:48,625
"Saturday Night Live."
57
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,352
You see it every day,
so you dream of being in it,
58
00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,458
but it dreams of removing
all the air from your body
59
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:55,149
and making you float
around it for eternity
60
00:01:55,184 --> 00:01:56,840
as a flash-mummified corpse,
61
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:59,981
which is also what space wants,
so get back in the car.
62
00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:01,949
I'm not in danger.
There's nothing out here.
63
00:02:01,983 --> 00:02:03,537
Literally everything
is out here,
64
00:02:03,571 --> 00:02:05,987
and unlike everywhere else,
I'm too busy to help you.
65
00:02:06,022 --> 00:02:08,266
Right, because you're
always so helpful.
66
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,681
Ah!
67
00:02:12,028 --> 00:02:13,857
God damn it.
What is that?
68
00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:15,859
Obviously,
it's a space snake.
69
00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:17,344
T-There's snakes
in space?
70
00:02:17,378 --> 00:02:19,691
There's literally everything
in space, Morty!
71
00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:21,520
Now get the fuck
back in the car.
72
00:02:21,555 --> 00:02:29,494
♪♪
73
00:02:29,528 --> 00:02:37,467
♪♪
74
00:02:37,502 --> 00:02:45,682
♪♪
75
00:02:45,717 --> 00:02:53,587
♪♪
76
00:02:53,621 --> 00:02:55,727
Morty: I'm dying, Rick.
77
00:02:55,761 --> 00:02:57,936
[ Groans ]
I can see the black mountain.
78
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,180
People who are really dying
don't keep bring it up.
79
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,733
Is that true?
I don't know.
80
00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:03,942
I'm just usually around people
that die faster.
81
00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,427
[ Groans ]All right. All right.
82
00:03:06,462 --> 00:03:07,739
J-Just let me analyze
the snake's planet,
83
00:03:07,773 --> 00:03:09,361
so I can whip up
an antivenom.
84
00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:11,570
Computer, you might want
to put a rush on this.
85
00:03:11,605 --> 00:03:13,917
Morty's starting to look
like a '90s Japanese ghost.
86
00:03:13,952 --> 00:03:15,747
Computer: Cutting corners.
87
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:18,439
Oof, oh, my God,
these snakes are a mess.
88
00:03:18,474 --> 00:03:20,855
19 billion snakes divided
into 10,000 nations
89
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,892
all on the brink
of global war over...
90
00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:24,756
[Laughs] race.
91
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,206
How funny is that?
92
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,138
Imagine being
a racist snake.
93
00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:29,381
"Hey, other snake,
I hate you
94
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,763
because you're
the wrong color, snake."
95
00:03:31,797 --> 00:03:33,799
Oh, my God.
You're not laughing?
96
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,629
Oh, you're dying.
97
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,079
It's a miracle they were able
to fling one this far out
98
00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:39,943
before they slithered
into extinction.
99
00:03:39,978 --> 00:03:42,567
Oh, oh, God,
I killed their --
100
00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:44,569
What's his name,
their Buzz Aspirin?
101
00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:45,984
It's actually
Buzz Advil, Morty,
102
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,365
and, uh, this is
totally different.
103
00:03:47,399 --> 00:03:48,745
It's a female snake.
104
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,471
There's an extra layer
of heartbreak.
105
00:03:50,506 --> 00:03:52,093
Wait. Wait.
Morty, Morty, you hear that?
106
00:03:52,128 --> 00:03:53,578
Listen.[ Rhythmic hissing ]
107
00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:55,373
Snake jazz.
108
00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:57,651
Ha. Idiots.
Let's get moving.
109
00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:58,997
We've got a long way to go,
110
00:03:59,031 --> 00:03:59,963
and I'm not sharing
that centipede.
111
00:03:59,998 --> 00:04:01,896
Rick, wait.
Go back.
112
00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:04,382
I-I can't be the reason why
19 billion snakes lost all hope.
113
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:05,590
That's right, Morty.
114
00:04:05,624 --> 00:04:07,488
Only 19 billion snakes
can do that.
115
00:04:07,523 --> 00:04:09,559
That species was never
getting beyond this stage.
116
00:04:09,594 --> 00:04:11,665
To paraphrase
the great Jeff Foxworthy,
117
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:14,012
if you bite your first contact
on its ankle,
118
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,359
you might be
a type-zero-civilization-neck."
119
00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:20,121
What up, homeys?
120
00:04:20,156 --> 00:04:22,123
Shooting hoops, I see.
121
00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:23,608
Hey, who's interested
in a friendly bet
122
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:25,679
that this white guy
can jump.
123
00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:27,784
Hey, leave the racial stuff
off the court, okay?
124
00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:29,821
Oh, I thought that kind of
talk was part of street ball.
125
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,617
Well, now it's part
of everything else, so chill.
126
00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:33,997
We -- We got off
on the wrong foot.
127
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,034
My name is Jerry Smith.
I live in the suburbs.
128
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,001
I'm only here because
I have a certain power
129
00:04:38,036 --> 00:04:40,038
I wanted to kind of celebrate
before it goes away.
130
00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,626
Yo, we got a Nazi
up here.
131
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,042
Hey, I think there's
a misunderstanding.
132
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,526
Here, just -- just watch.
133
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:46,769
Huh?
134
00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:47,873
Help! Help!
135
00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,841
I-I need that shoe!
136
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,638
No, no, don't touch that shoe
or that money.
137
00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:55,812
Let them be a powerful
but confusing monument
138
00:04:55,847 --> 00:04:57,297
to our
neighborhood's integrity.
139
00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,783
Oh, boy, what an adventure,
huh?
140
00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:02,474
Hey, Morty, listen.
I can tell you're pretty upset
141
00:05:02,509 --> 00:05:03,958
about the whole
snake encounter thing,
142
00:05:03,993 --> 00:05:05,305
so I'll tell you what.
143
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,444
I'm just gonna go ahead
and avoid you
144
00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:07,445
for the rest of the day.
145
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:08,584
[ Cans clatter ]
146
00:05:10,551 --> 00:05:12,001
Play snake jazz.
147
00:05:12,035 --> 00:05:14,693
[ Rhythmic hissing ]
148
00:05:14,728 --> 00:05:20,630
♪♪
149
00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:26,671
♪♪
150
00:05:26,705 --> 00:05:27,844
I-Is this one friendly?
151
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,639
It's a snake.
152
00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:31,365
You ever -- You ever see
this one look up at the sky
153
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,919
like it's dreaming
of something more?
154
00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:36,888
No, but, uh, all those ones
marked with red sticker, yeah.
155
00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:38,890
Any snake over 50 bucks
yearns for the beyond.
156
00:05:38,924 --> 00:05:40,374
I-I-I've seen them do it.
157
00:05:40,409 --> 00:05:43,998
[ Hissing ]
158
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,863
Ow! Damn it, Slippy,
come on.
159
00:05:46,898 --> 00:05:48,865
Ow!
Just please.
160
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,109
[ Crying ] I'm sorry.
161
00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:55,009
Man on TV: Everyone has
a plumbus in their home.
162
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:57,460
First, they take the dinglepop.
163
00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:04,329
Ow!
[Bleep] monster.
164
00:06:08,091 --> 00:06:11,405
[ Radar beeping ]
165
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,579
[ Hissing ]
166
00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,967
[ Hissing ]
167
00:06:22,002 --> 00:06:24,763
[ Hissing ]
168
00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,109
[ Hissing ]
169
00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:27,594
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
170
00:06:32,771 --> 00:06:34,359
[ Hissing ]
171
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,815
[ Monitors beeping ]
172
00:06:44,956 --> 00:06:47,130
[ Hissing ]
173
00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,963
[ Hissing ]
174
00:07:13,778 --> 00:07:15,158
[ Hissing ]
175
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,954
[ Hisses ]
176
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:26,825
[ Hissing]
177
00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:03,034
Downbeat.
178
00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:04,484
How do you win
this fucking game?
179
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,037
We-We've never
gotten that far.
180
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,246
Guys, did I not tell you
to keep your eye on Jerry?
181
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,834
We did.Then where is he?
182
00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,076
Maybe he's having
an affair.
183
00:08:11,111 --> 00:08:14,252
[ Laughter ]
184
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,047
But for real,
has anyone seen him?
185
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,635
Grandpa, did you trap him
in a painting again?
186
00:08:17,669 --> 00:08:18,705
I didn't do shit.
187
00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:20,534
Well,
y-y-you made him floaty.
188
00:08:20,569 --> 00:08:22,432
-Asshole.
-Made him floaty?
189
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,332
I saved his life by making his
body slightly lighter than air,
190
00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:26,920
and it expires
in a couple of hours.
191
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:29,232
Expires, like he'll fall
out of the sky?
192
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,027
He won't by in the sky,
Beth,
193
00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:34,859
unless it's possible for Jerry
to fuck up wearing shoes.
194
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:36,619
Oh, crap, he's gonna die.
-What were you thinking?
195
00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:40,830
[ Shivering ]
196
00:08:40,865 --> 00:08:45,041
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
197
00:08:45,076 --> 00:08:46,595
Hey, babe.
198
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:48,597
Jerry,
are you in the air?
199
00:08:48,631 --> 00:08:50,253
Rick told me
he made you floaty.
200
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:52,117
Made me floaty?
Pfft.
201
00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:54,603
Got to love
Rick's world view.
202
00:08:54,637 --> 00:08:56,536
Yes, I had Rick
make me floaty
203
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,882
so I could
put up some lights.
204
00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:59,400
Now, I'm at
the light store.
205
00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:01,092
[ Squawking] Get away!
206
00:09:01,126 --> 00:09:04,958
Sorry, this lady at the store
is trying to peck me.
207
00:09:04,992 --> 00:09:08,271
Yes, you can help me find lights after I'm off the phone.
208
00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:10,308
We're in Rick's ship.
How about we just pick you up?
209
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,758
You're with Rick?Well, why wouldn't I --
210
00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:13,414
Jerry, I paused Beth
with a device
211
00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:15,900
Christopher Walken gave me
after a record session.
212
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:17,315
Real talk, buddy,
where you at?
213
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,937
Go to hell, Rick. Come on, Jerry.
214
00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:20,698
I can recognize
the sound of a seagull.
215
00:09:20,732 --> 00:09:22,941
Can you recognize the sound
of a man's pants
216
00:09:22,976 --> 00:09:24,702
filling up with rain?
217
00:09:24,736 --> 00:09:26,773
I hope to one day.
218
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,568
Jerry,
I'll tell you what.
219
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,811
Because it's Christmas,
I'm gonna do you a favor.
220
00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:32,641
I won't let you die,
and I won't tell Beth
221
00:09:32,675 --> 00:09:34,125
that you almost
killed yourself.
222
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,714
Sounds like
a win-win to me. Come again?
223
00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:39,233
If I survive,
it'll be without you,
224
00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:41,339
and if I die,
it'll be on your ass.
225
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,513
Merry Christmas, bitch.
226
00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:47,552
I am the Jesus Christ
of Christmas!
227
00:09:56,941 --> 00:09:59,806
[ Screaming ]
228
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,015
[ Cellphone vibrates ]...I be with him?
229
00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:04,189
We both care.
230
00:10:04,224 --> 00:10:06,019
Whoa. Jerry. Yes, honey?
231
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,745
Let us
just come get you.
232
00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:09,367
Beth, I am so touched
233
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,472
that you care for me this much,
but I'm fine,
234
00:10:11,507 --> 00:10:13,267
and I just want to put up these
Christmas lights,
235
00:10:13,302 --> 00:10:15,028
and [Distorted]
I will eat your world.
236
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:17,547
Honey,
my dad can hear you.
237
00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:18,756
[ Normal voice ]
Got to go.
238
00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,171
[ Distorted ] See you soon.
239
00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:21,759
Okay.
240
00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:24,762
[ Screams ]
241
00:10:24,796 --> 00:10:26,384
Well, it sounds like
he's fine.
242
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,145
Yeah, I'm almost kind of
rooting for him this time.
243
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:36,187
♪♪
244
00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:38,189
One Diet Sprite Remix,
please,
245
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:40,778
and, uh, is anyone here
an Uber driver?
246
00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:42,365
You can't bring
that boulder in here.
247
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,022
What?I said no boulders.
248
00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:45,783
This ain't the lake, buddy.
-Drop the rock.
249
00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:48,026
Well, it's kind of a --
a service boulder.
250
00:10:48,061 --> 00:10:49,476
Yeah,
I float without it.
251
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,374
Big man
holding a big rock,
252
00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:52,962
think you can
take me down?
253
00:10:52,997 --> 00:10:55,171
No, obviously not.
You're huge.
254
00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:56,414
-Then put it down.
-Put the boulder down!
255
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,036
If I put it down,
I'm going to float.
256
00:10:58,071 --> 00:10:59,659
-Drop it!
-Put it down!
257
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,212
And frankly, your bar
has a lot of ceiling fans.
258
00:11:01,246 --> 00:11:02,489
You think you're better than us?Drop the rock.
259
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,249
-Put it down.
-Okay, okay, okay.
260
00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:06,010
Hey, whoa,
what the [bleep]
261
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:07,045
Stop doing that.I told you this would happen.
262
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,013
Well, stop floating.
263
00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,014
-Who said you could float here?
-I can't control it.
264
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:12,706
[ Indistinct shouting ]
265
00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:16,330
Aaaaaaaaaah!
266
00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,194
And take your girlfriend
with you.
267
00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:20,265
[ Grunts ]
268
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,510
[ Snake jazz playing ]
269
00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:25,443
Summer,
how supes shook am I
270
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,238
about your playlisting
fleekness tonight?
271
00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,033
You love it?
It's snake jazz.
272
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,000
My little brother got bit
by a snake in outer space
273
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:32,346
and killed it
with a hubcap,
274
00:11:32,381 --> 00:11:33,727
and my grandpa had to scan
its planet's culture
275
00:11:33,762 --> 00:11:35,280
for an antivenom,
and they found this.
276
00:11:35,315 --> 00:11:37,041
It's my jam.
277
00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:40,113
Seriously, my new thing now
is snake jazz.
278
00:11:40,147 --> 00:11:41,873
Can you alter the course
of a species' evolution
279
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,254
like that
without repercussions?
280
00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:45,083
Gee, I don't know,
Nancy.
281
00:11:45,118 --> 00:11:47,051
Can you alter the course
of being a giant fucking nerd?
282
00:11:47,085 --> 00:11:49,122
Sorry.
283
00:11:49,156 --> 00:11:50,192
Also, later, we need to discuss
your clothing and your weight.
284
00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:51,227
That's fair.
285
00:11:51,262 --> 00:11:53,436
[ Moans ]
286
00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:54,921
What the hell?
287
00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:56,267
[ Robotically ]
Target acquired.
288
00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:57,855
[ Gunshot ]
289
00:11:57,889 --> 00:12:03,861
♪♪
290
00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:05,310
Snakes!
Get back in the car!
291
00:12:05,345 --> 00:12:07,140
Morty, enough with the --
Snakes!
292
00:12:07,174 --> 00:12:08,935
[ Robotically ]
Target acquired.
293
00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:14,319
Aliens, I am a robot sent back
in time by the Snake Resistance
294
00:12:14,354 --> 00:12:16,425
to protect you
from Serpacorp.
295
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,738
My appearance is designed to be
familiar and to put you at ease.
296
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:22,327
The ape child must be eliminated
to protect our timeline.
297
00:12:22,362 --> 00:12:23,743
Morty,
what the hell did you do?
298
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,399
I was just trying to do
the right thing.
299
00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:27,056
I took a living snake --
300
00:12:27,091 --> 00:12:29,507
[ Groans ]
301
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:30,957
Get behind me.
I will protect --
302
00:12:30,991 --> 00:12:33,269
Aaah!
303
00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:38,412
♪♪
304
00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:40,138
Why -- Why are they
attacking us?
305
00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:41,761
I-I-I helped them.
306
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,176
You gave them proof that
there was something bigger
307
00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:45,316
and scarier to unite against,
you little idiot.
308
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,800
They would have gone back
into the Dark Ages
309
00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:48,112
for a couple of generations,
310
00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:49,769
but instead,
they dedicated themselves
311
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,287
into making
universe-destroying,
312
00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:53,773
un-thought-out technology
like time travel
313
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:56,189
all so they could try to kill
a little shit sack on Earth
314
00:12:56,223 --> 00:12:57,777
who couldn't let
a dead snake be dead
315
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,124
even after
it bit his ankle.
316
00:13:00,158 --> 00:13:01,988
Next time,
stay in the fucking car.
317
00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:09,167
Narrator: 17 billion snake lives
ended on June 21, 2026.
318
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:13,137
The survivors lived only to
face a new nightmare,
319
00:13:13,171 --> 00:13:17,797
the war between
snake and machine.
320
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,937
In the end,
snake overcame machine
321
00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,042
because of what
we couldn't predict --
322
00:13:22,077 --> 00:13:26,875
that an alien, a child from
a distant star, would save us.
323
00:13:26,909 --> 00:13:34,227
♪♪
324
00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:41,855
♪♪
325
00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:43,857
W-Where are we going?
W-What are we doing here, Rick?
326
00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,031
We got to get the heart
of Snake Net.
327
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:47,240
Now, shut up,
and stay close.
328
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:49,138
[ Robotically ]
Resistance is mouselike.
329
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,692
Whoa, hey, look.
That one's actually really cool.
330
00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:52,762
Come here, little guy.
331
00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:54,350
Ah, you little son of a bitch.
332
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:56,870
Come on, Morty.
333
00:13:56,905 --> 00:14:00,011
[ Robotically ] Your brood
must be exterminated.
334
00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:02,842
You will not kill her
or her brood.
335
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,189
-Must kill brood and mother.
-Get behind me.
336
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:07,398
Your brood will seed all life
on this planet.
337
00:14:07,432 --> 00:14:09,538
-That doesn't make sense.
-That didn't make sense.
338
00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:10,850
Hey, it's --
it's Slippy!
339
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,713
Keep up, shit bag.
340
00:14:21,722 --> 00:14:25,416
[ Sighs ]
341
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,004
Beth: Hi, you went directly
to voicemail
342
00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,419
because your number
is not in my phone.
343
00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:29,627
Don't leave a message.
344
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,215
Hi, honey.
345
00:14:31,249 --> 00:14:34,218
Uh, look. Morty told me
that you didn't think
346
00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,392
I could hang lights
without killing myself.
347
00:14:36,427 --> 00:14:42,882
Look, I want to be a strong man
for you, but the truth is --
348
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,885
The truth is, I'm coming home
with the best lights ever.
349
00:14:49,302 --> 00:14:50,890
Oof.
350
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:51,821
Whoa,
feel that turbulence?
351
00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:53,202
Nope, I'm on molly.
352
00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:54,721
Give me some.
Ahh.
353
00:14:54,755 --> 00:14:56,067
[ Both laugh ]
354
00:14:59,864 --> 00:15:01,072
Siri: 10 hours has expired.
355
00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,972
Aaaah!
356
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:07,458
I don't suppose you guys
will take a bribe?
357
00:15:07,492 --> 00:15:08,217
[ Hisses ]
358
00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:09,529
Ah!
359
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:14,706
Anyone else want legs?
360
00:15:20,298 --> 00:15:22,093
God damn it.
Are you kidding me?
361
00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:23,957
I thought there'd be
a time machine in here.
362
00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:25,959
They're not even a quarter
of the way through making it.
363
00:15:25,994 --> 00:15:27,650
I'm gonna have to invent it
for them.
364
00:15:27,685 --> 00:15:29,066
I-I don't know snake math.
365
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,619
Ugh, I didn't want to have
to do this.
366
00:15:30,653 --> 00:15:32,932
Fuck.
All right.
367
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,485
W-What's going on?
What are you doing?
368
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:37,488
I'm reminding myself to commit
even more to your fuck up.
369
00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:38,972
Hey, assholes.
370
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,111
Fuck you.
Takes one to know one.
371
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:41,941
What the heck?
372
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,873
Hey, man, you -- you okay?You know what? Fuck you.
373
00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:46,462
What? Screw you.
Here.
374
00:15:46,497 --> 00:15:47,981
Come on.
Was it really that hard?
375
00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:49,949
What do you think?
Come on, Morty.
376
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,951
Man, I-I-I wonder why
I had a black eye.
377
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,814
Morty, shut the fuck up
and put these on.
378
00:15:56,817 --> 00:16:03,514
♪♪
379
00:16:03,548 --> 00:16:04,998
Okay,
so w-what are we doing?
380
00:16:05,033 --> 00:16:06,310
That book has everything
they need
381
00:16:06,344 --> 00:16:08,139
to create
snake time travel,
382
00:16:08,174 --> 00:16:11,142
a-and they're getting it
in 1985, snake time.
383
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:13,282
Now, they're gonna do it so
early that it won't involve us,
384
00:16:13,317 --> 00:16:14,732
and they're gonna be
even stupider with it.
385
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,285
Huh,
a-and then what?
386
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,184
We're removing ourselves
from this sloppy,
387
00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:19,909
fucked up story
and letting snake time travel
388
00:16:19,944 --> 00:16:21,187
eat its own tail.
389
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:28,332
[ Hissing ]
390
00:16:28,366 --> 00:16:29,747
[ All hissing ]
391
00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:01,020
[ Hissing ]
392
00:17:29,427 --> 00:17:30,808
♪♪
393
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,121
Just have to keep my grip.
394
00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,468
Jerry Smith, I am here
to save you.
395
00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,746
What? I already told Rick
I don't want help.
396
00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,368
I do not know Rick.
397
00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,991
I was sent by a society
of human-snake hybrids...
398
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,786
Classic Rick....from an alternate
version --
399
00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,791
I did it!
We're landing!
400
00:17:48,826 --> 00:17:50,138
I knew I could do it.
401
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:51,829
[ Laughs hysterically ]
402
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:59,940
♪♪
403
00:17:59,975 --> 00:18:02,426
Jesus Christ, Rick,
it's pandemonium out there!
404
00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:04,497
T-This is worse
than when we left.
405
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:06,188
Rick, look, Summer!
406
00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:13,022
Nobody chokes me
without consent.
407
00:18:13,057 --> 00:18:14,817
Y-You just made things worse,
Rick.
408
00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:16,129
Trust me, Morty.
409
00:18:16,164 --> 00:18:18,027
We helped them press
on the gas pedal.
410
00:18:18,062 --> 00:18:19,960
We just got to wait for them
to blow by a cop.
411
00:18:22,204 --> 00:18:24,172
[ Telephone rings ]
412
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:26,243
Shleemypants here,
what's up?
413
00:18:26,277 --> 00:18:29,280
Snakes? Time travel?
They did what?
414
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:32,249
How the fuck did --
Okay, okay, I'm on it.
415
00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:35,631
We got a 10-51
on a goddamn snake planet.
416
00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:38,047
Don't look at me.
I'm afraid of snakes.
417
00:18:38,082 --> 00:18:39,532
"I'm afraid of snakes,"
Bullshit.
418
00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:41,430
You afraid of work.
That's what you afraid of.
419
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:43,052
All right.
All right.
420
00:18:43,087 --> 00:18:44,192
[ Sighs ] Let's go
take care of this.
421
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:49,680
[ Hisses ]
422
00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:51,130
Oh, look at you.
423
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,683
You a smart snake,
huh?
424
00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:54,478
You using tools now,
huh?
425
00:18:54,512 --> 00:18:56,065
Those tools are gonna
turn into you
426
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,998
manipulating the fabric
of shit.
427
00:18:58,033 --> 00:18:59,655
Get over here, mother fuckerWhat the fuck you think
you doing?
428
00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:03,211
Don't fuck with time.You don't fuck with time.
429
00:19:03,245 --> 00:19:05,316
[ Snakes hissing ]
430
00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:08,147
Holy shitWhat happened?
431
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,527
Look, this is better
than them attacking us.
432
00:19:09,562 --> 00:19:11,322
Also, that's about
as much curvature
433
00:19:11,357 --> 00:19:13,359
as you're gonna get
from a time-travel story.
434
00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:15,499
You know what? This one counts
as one of your adventures.
435
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,156
Hey, come on.
No freebies.
436
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,158
Aw, man, I-I wanted
to go to Boob World.
437
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,987
Well, now, we can't
because you fucked up.
438
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:23,162
Got to learn a lesson.
439
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:24,508
You want to go to Boob World,
Summer?
440
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:25,888
Eh, not today.
441
00:19:25,923 --> 00:19:29,582
[ Sighs ]
This sucks.
442
00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:31,687
[ Panting ]
Hey, honey, check it out.
443
00:19:31,722 --> 00:19:34,034
Jerry,
I was worried about you.
444
00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:36,347
Oh, just killing some snakes
up here like everyone else,
445
00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:37,935
I guess, and finishing
the Christmas lights.
446
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,523
Wait, the whole time?
447
00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:42,042
I was screaming for help,
and you stayed on the roof?
448
00:19:42,077 --> 00:19:44,010
I couldn't hear you
over my own screaming.
449
00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,184
We've talked about this.
450
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,531
Well,
I'm just glad you're safe.
451
00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:50,016
Well, duh,
of course, I'm safe.
452
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,397
Hey, guess what,
asshole.
453
00:19:51,431 --> 00:19:52,708
I did it without you.
454
00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,193
Whoa! Ah!
455
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:57,126
Oh, God, it hurts.
456
00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,266
What was that?
457
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,199
I healed your leg 50%.
458
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,339
The rest is on you,
big man.
459
00:20:02,373 --> 00:20:05,238
That's what I'm talking about.
Respect, my brother.
460
00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:07,413
Geez, your dad sucks.
All right, Morty.
461
00:20:07,447 --> 00:20:09,138
Let's go enjoy
a little bit of eggnog, huh?
462
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:10,243
All right.
463
00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:12,072
Not so fast, boys.
464
00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:13,557
Yeah, I think you might be
forgetting something.
465
00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,559
Merry Christmas, fuck nuts.
Get to work.
466
00:20:15,593 --> 00:20:17,250
Geez, I don't see why you have
to be smug about it.
467
00:20:17,285 --> 00:20:18,424
-A bunch of bullshit
-That's not necessary.
468
00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:20,219
This fucking sucks.
469
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,565
Yeah, it's fun until it's you,
huh, shit nog?
470
00:20:21,599 --> 00:20:24,153
Yeah, have fun sewing those
snake costumes together,
471
00:20:24,188 --> 00:20:25,776
you little tramp.
-You tell them, Morty.
472
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,881
Geez, you guys don't have
to be dicks about it, all right?
473
00:20:27,916 --> 00:20:30,159
Yeah, neither did the guys
before us, but you know what?
474
00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:31,885
They were.
Merry Christmas, you shit bags.
475
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,371
Yeah, ghost of Christmas future,
bitches, you fucking idiots.
476
00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:36,994
So mean.
Those guys are mean.
477
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:44,553
♪♪
478
00:20:44,588 --> 00:20:52,596
♪♪
479
00:20:52,630 --> 00:21:00,431
♪♪
480
00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:08,474
♪♪
481
00:21:08,508 --> 00:21:10,648
Man, I just want to open
my Christmas presents.
482
00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:12,685
Well, I'm waiting on you
to finish those snake costumes.
483
00:21:12,719 --> 00:21:14,618
I'm almost done.
You know what?
484
00:21:14,652 --> 00:21:16,033
T-They're good enough.
I'm done.
485
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,448
All right.
Let's go.
486
00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:21,280
All right. We're landing.
Come on.
487
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:23,420
Man, I can't believe
we're almost done, Rick.
488
00:21:23,454 --> 00:21:24,973
I can practically taste
the eggnog.
489
00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:26,423
Hey, you know what?
490
00:21:26,457 --> 00:21:28,425
I -- I feel like
we're forgetting something.
491
00:21:28,459 --> 00:21:30,427
Oh, yeah, uh, thanks
for reminding me.
492
00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,429
Morty, next time,
stay in the car.
493
00:21:32,463 --> 00:21:33,878
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
494
00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:37,848
Did you get any of that?
35765
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.