Original subtitles

You know, I've seen him do it a million times now,

but I can't tell you how he does it, Henry.

The right-handed part.

I can tell you a whole lot about what he does with his left hand, though.

He's a genius with it.

He might put that left hand on your elbow

or on your bicep, like he's doing now.

Very basic move. He's interested in you.

He's honored to meet you.

If he gets any higher, if he gets on your shoulder, like that,

it's not as intimate.

It means he'll share a laugh with you or a secret, a light secret,

not a real one, but very flattering.

If he doesn't know you that well and wants to share something emotional with you,

he'll lock you in a two-hander.

Well, you'll see when he shakes hands with you, Henry.

Governor.

Governor Stanton, this is Henry Burton. Governor.

I met your grandfather when I was a boy.

I hitchhiked to Washington to hear him speak.

He was a great man. Thank you, sir.

How are you? Good to see you.

He's really glad you're coming on board. I can tell.

I didn't say I was coming on board.

Did you tell him I was coming on board?

No, take it easy.

What is he doing here anyway? He's a Southern governor nobody's heard of.

Already you're sounding like a campaign manager.

Howard, I said... I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

If I told you Jack Stanton's here 'cause he's interested in adult literacy,

you'd tell me I was full of shit.

Yes.

Howard Ferguson, Henry Burton, this is Marianne Walsh,

the very special librarian who's running these classes.

Thank you, Governor Walsh... Oh, Governor Stanton. I'm sorry.

I'm a little nervous. I'm sorry. Um.

If you'll walk with me, I'll take you up to the, uh, library.

The walls are pretty bad,

but the, uh, the library is much, um...

Better? Uh, yes, yes.

We're very proud of the library.

How long ago did you start up this reading program? About three years ago.

We have no money. Uh, very little money.

It's the only reading program like it in New York, that I know of.

Of course, there may be others, but I don't... know of them.

Ooh!

Are you all right? Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

Yes. Um...

My name is Ruby. I'm a domestic. I've been in this class two months.

Jack Mandela Washington. I'm a handyman. How are you, Jack?

Tawana Carter. I'm a waitress. Good to meet you, Tawana.

Anthony Ramirez, freelance carpenter.

Nice to meet you. Raymond Dominguez. I'm a truck driver.

I just wanted to say, "Welcome aboard." What? I'm not on board.

I just ca... Maria Lopez, waitress.

You're kidding too, right? Yeah.

Why don't you tell the governor a little bit about yourself, Dewayne.

I'm a... I'm a short order chef.

And, uh, until I come here, I couldn't read a lick.

Dewayne's dyslexic.

And, uh, they just kept a-passin' me up...

third grade, fourth grade.

Uh, I just sit in the back and stickin' to my own self.

And, uh, it was like no one noticed.

I go on all the ways through and, uh, I graduated elementary school.

And, uh, they sent me to Ben Franklin.

That's general studies.

They could've sent me to the Bronx Zoo.

I mean, no one ever say, "Dewayne, you can't read.

"What you gonna do with your sorry ass?" Excuse me.

Anyway, graduation come, and my mama come.

She take the day off from the laundry where she work at.

So we're there, and, um,

Dr. Dalembretti is calling out the names on the diplomas,

and, uh, and... and what each kid done.

You know, like, "Sharonna Harris, honors.

Tyrone Kirby, Regents diploma."

And then...

Then he come to my name,

and, uh, he say so everyone hear it...

He said, "Dewayne Smith...

receives certificate...

of attendance."

You could hear people buzzin'.

I mean, a couple of folks was laughin'.

I gotta go up there and get this.

I gotta stand up there,

just dyin',

trying not to look at anyone.

Trying not to look too stupid, you know?

And Mama's sittin' out front.

She got her hat on. She got her purse on her lap.

And tears coming down from behind her glasses...

like someone... like someone died.

I wanna thank you...

for sharing that with us, Dewayne.

I want to thank all of you for having real courage.

My Uncle Charlie...

was a... a war hero, World War II.

He was sent to Iwo Jima, where they raised the flag.

He took out four machine-gun nests of Japs... Japanese soldiers...

who had a squad of his buddies pinned down.

He had one grenade, his rifle, his bayonet and his bare hands.

- And he took 'em out. - Shit.

They gave him the Medal of Honor. President Truman did.

When he came home to Grace Junction, they had a parade for him.

The town fathers came to my parents' house and said to him,

"Charlie, what you got in mind for yourself now?"

Charlie said he didn't know.

The mayor said, "Maybe you'd like a full scholarship to the state university."

The banker said maybe Charlie didn't want

to go back to school after all he'd been through.

Maybe he'd like a management job, a big future at the bank.

The sawmill owner said, "You may not want to be cooped up in a school or a bank.

Come manage my crew." You know what?

Damned if Charlie didn't turn 'em all down.

- What'd he do? - Nothin'.

He just laid down on his couch and smoked his Luckies.

You couldn't get him off that couch.

Was he messed up in the head from the war?

It was just that he couldn't read.

He was embarrassed and didn't want to tell anyone.

He had the courage to win the Congressional Medal of Honor,

but he didn't have the courage to do what each and every one of you is doing here.

He didn't have the courage to admit he needed help and get it.

I understand what you're doing, appreciate it, and honor your commitment.

People say, "Jack, why do you spend so much time and effort on adult literacy?"

And I say to them...

I say to them, "Because...

it gives me a chance to see courage."

I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for allowing me to visit here today.

Thank you, Governor.

Let's get him out of here.

- He likes it. - Governor Stanton.

I want to thank you personally for coming.

I will be damned.

Because I'm... Ooh! Sorry.

Can I help you? You should have those shoes checked.

If there's anything...

You're gonna go work for him, aren't you? No, I am not.

I'm gonna meet him at his suite

in the Sherry-Netherland so we can talk.

About what? Probably about going to work for him.

How can you walk out on Adam Larkin and get into bed with some cracker...

I'm not getting into bed... who hasn't done piss for blacks in his state?

I could say the same about Adam Larkin. But he will.

He has to bide his time. He's a black congressman.

I don't like Larkin. I didn't like working for him.

I don't know what Stanton wants, but...

Well, I do.

Stanton wants to use the grandson of a civil rights leader,

a black man in politics, as a vote getter.

That's hilarious. And you tell me you have no sense of humor.

Put a black man on the team, really roll in those votes.

That's why there are so many black men running the country.

If you're so upset about politics, come work at The Black Advocate.

We're never disillusioned.

Would you hand me that tie on the headboard?

Get your own damn tie.

No tie. No suit.

Just leather jacket cool. All right.

I'll be back in two hours, and then we can talk about The Black Advocate.

Okay? Aw, come on, don't be mad. Co...

Okay, be mad, but only for two hours, and wait up for me.

Oh, my God. My boy.

Henry Burton, I am mighty honored.

I'm Arlen Sporken, the governor's media consultant.

- Hey, Henry. - Hi.

Nonfat caffeine? No, thank you.

I am just delighted that you're on board. No.

Get me one of those sandwiches.

Only if you pinch my cheek and call me "sugar." I'll get it.

We're gonna win this thing. Isn't that right, Arlen? Absolutely.

The big question is Ozio.

You think he's got the "cagones" to run? Uh, cojones.

And I don't know Ozio well enough to judge his cojones.

They're big but they're glass. Hey, there, Henry.

Governor Stanton, it's nice to, uh...

You remember Miss Walsh? I... Oh, I'm sorry.

- You all right, darlin'? - Uh, thank you.

Thank you. For this, um,

opportunity to discuss the, um... The program.

That's a great program. Don't you think?

- Yes, excellent program. - Excuse me. If I could just...

Uh, thank you very much. You take up what we talked about to the board.

Oh, yes, I will. I'll just see my way out.

Thank you. Uh, good-bye. Bye-bye, now.

Miss Walsh is on the regional board of the Teachers Union.

Ah, a teacher and a librarian.

It's the missus.

Hi, darlin'.

Oh, oh, listen, honey, I'm sorry.

I'm... Well, we got stuck here.

But great news, honey. We had real progress with the teachers.

Tonight? Are you sure? I'm so sorry, honey.

Charlie, did you know we were supposed to meet with that guy

from the Portsmouth Democratic Committee?

Well, goddamn it, Charlie.

Now, honey.

Are you Uncle Charlie, the Medal of Honor winner?

Well, I'm Uncle Charlie and whatever else he says. He's the master.

If you just stop popping my eardrum, I'll leave right now.

No, please, don't... Susan, don't go.

Susan, just stay...

We'd better go.

All right. Where's the plane? Teterboro.

Shit. All the way out there? All right. Let's go.

Arlen, see you in D.C. Daisy, come with Howard tomorrow.

Henry, Mitch, Charlie, let's go, let's go.

Go? I just came here to talk to you about... Talk on the plane.

It's just New Hampshire. I teach... Sorry.

I teach classes in the morning.

Call in sick. The kids won't mind.

I... Do I have time for a phone call?

Well, when we get there. Now, if we're gonna talk, let's talk.

Governor?

Hi, hon.

Mmm.

This is Henry Burton. This is my wife Susan. Hello.

I met you 25 years ago at your grandfather's in Oak Bluffs.

You were running under the sprinkler in little wet underpants.

Your grandfather was a great man. Oh, thank you.

Jack Stanton could also be a great man,

if he wasn't such a faithless, thoughtless, disorganized, undisciplined shit.

Honey, why are you making such a big deal of this? Because it is big.

First impressions count, asshole. Oh, hello, this is New Hampshire.

These people don't know you. They probably don't even remember your state.

They're waiting to be swept off their feet by Orlando Ozio,

who's governor of a real state.

They came to meet you, and you didn't show.

I talked to the head of the Portsmouth Democratic Party about fly-fishing...

for an hour and 45 minutes.

Do you realize how...

indescribably boring fly-fishing is?

Do you realize I'm now committed to doing this... I'm sorry.

This thing with him. I'm going fly-fishing because of you, asshole!

You can't... It's not funny. You can't do this to me, Jack.

We've only been at this a month,

and already you're fucking up in your old fucked-up way.

The only shot we have here...

The only shot is to be perfect.

Barely adequate won't swing it.

No, Jack, you can't blow off...

Primrose Lane Jack.

Life's a holiday on Primrose Lane

When I'm walking down that Primrose Lane

With you You're not funny.

I have got to find a phone.

When we get back to the apartment.

Honey, this was so great today,

this readin' program.

You should have seen the people,

and the teacher was...

Well, she was just inspirational.

Gimme a break.

Tell me how good the curriculum was, not the teacher.

We can replicate a curriculum.

You can't sell a program without a good teacher.

This is an argument I always win, Henry.

Was the teacher that inspirational?

Well, she...

She was a pretty typical school board bureaucrat, I thought.

Ha.

We got it on a six-month sublet.

It's better than a hotel. Cheaper too.

We can keep clothes and store stuff.

We have privacy. I don't give a shit about privacy.

I'm here to get known, and you can't get known in private.

This is more like the end of a campaign than the beginning.

Goddamn it, Charlie! No cable?

You gotta be kiddin', man.

You can't run for the president

of the United-fucking-States without CNN!

Do you have any bags?

I didn't expect to come. I'm leaving in the morning.

How about something to eat? That'd be great.

This is the worst two-bit, candy-assed, goddamn place I've ever seen!

Hey! Darling.

It's 4:00 in the morning. This is not how you want to be introduced to the neighbors.

Come on, Henry. I'll make you some tea.

Yeah, well, I'm out of here tomorrow morning.

I know we gotta go cheap, but not this cheap.

Not loser cheap.

- So why did you quit Larkin? - What?

Why did you stop working for Adam Larkin? Careful, it's hot.

Thank you. Well, I just, um...

It's all right. I know you can't talk about your old boss to your new boss.

I haven't got a new boss yet.

Larkin's very different from Jack. Very cool.

Never blinks. Hmm.

A pro.

Oh.

He would never swallow tea without testing it.

Aah.

That's the real thing experience teaches you. Isn't it?

How not to get burned.

Do you think people ever learn that?

Not the best people.

He, uh... Adam taught me a lot, but...

it was all the same.

He never surprised me.

Almost no one stepped up and voted with us because it was right.

They always asked for a lulu.

Lulu?

Uh, yeah. It's New York for artificial sweeteners.

Anyway, we'd win, and then we'd be gutted in the Senate.

We'd settle for their version,

then the White House would veto,

which we knew from the start.

Then what? We'd celebrate our great moral victory.

We forced a veto.

So you dropped out?

Yeah.

So why are you here?

Tell me.

Tell me.

It's 4:00 in the morning.

Let's just tell the truth.

Okay. Well,

I was always curious about how it would be...

to work with someone who actually cared about...

I mean,

it couldn't always have been the way it is now.

It must have been different when my grandfather was alive.

Hey, you were there.

You had Kennedy. I didn't.

I've never heard a president use words like "destiny" and "sacrifice"

without thinking, "Bullshit."

And okay, maybe it was bullshit with Kennedy too,

but...

but... people believed it.

And... I guess...

that's what I want.

I want to believe it.

I want to be a part of something that's history.

I bet this is the longest answer

to a five-word question you have ever gotten.

No, it isn't.

The longest answer to a five-word question I've ever gotten...

is the answer to: "Do you do much fly-fishing?"

It's a good answer, Henry.

History's what we're about too.

What else is there?

March, some guy about an automobile insurance scam on line three.

Thanks.

Yes?

It's me. Please don't hang up again.

Fuck you. March, I'm in New Hampshire in a coffee shop.

I don't know when I'll get to the next phone. Could you just listen for two minutes?

Listen, I think this guy could be the real thing.

This guy could be so incredible, you'd end up working for him.

This son of a bitch actually likes these people.

He's worth the risk. This guy could really do...

Henry, hey.

Help me get him outta here. We have a fund-raiser in 20 minutes.

You bastard. I waited for you all night.

I can explain about that.

I bought you some stuff at the drug store. No, I can't.

I can't go to Mammoth Falls without clothes.

Give me your keys. I'll have Daisy pack things, bring them on Wednesday.

Why can't I pack things and bring 'em on Wednesday?

Because by Wednesday you'll be in Mississippi.

We have to set up the campaign headquarters before we leave. So keys, please.

Hey.

I thought you were supposed to be telling us to hurry.

I... Um...

Susan... Mrs. Stanton, I'm not sure.

I mean, I... I... I don't know.

I've never helped run a presidential campaign before.

Well, neither have we,

but that's how history is made, Henry...

by the first-timers.

We are beginning our pre-boarding procedure.

Are you, uh...

Is this...

Uh, where are the state party people?

They're tied up with the congressional races. We're it.

All right. All right.

Okay, get me the national committee mailing lists...

of every donor since the beginning of time.

Also, I need a complete database

of voting records on every possible candidate,

so we can set up a rapid response negative operation.

How do we do that, honey?

Don't you, uh...

Don't any of you have any special skills?

I speak Hebrew.

Great.

Now double-click on "Pro-Choice," Ella Louise.

All right.

Uh, now call up the "Harris Vote."

- Like this? - No! No!

Why can't I learn this?

This announcement is for the candidate briefing on the 23rd.

Put it on 500 leaflets.

And then what?

Hand them out.

Goin' places that I've never been

Call only the Orthodox and conservative synagogues.

Speak only to the rabbis and start off in Hebrew.

Check. On the road again

How's that? Fantastic.

Okay, we need to file that with...

Excuse me.

- We need your vote. - Terry.

Will you give them to your friends? Terry!

- Terry. - Thank you. Bye!

Ha-ha!

Look, just hold out the leaflets for people. Don't stalk them.

Okay.

Hey, Henry. Oh.

How y'all doing? We're coming along.

We don't have much staff yet, do we?

No, but what we have is choice.

I want you to meet the most brilliant political strategist in the party.

This is Richard Jemmons. This is my right arm, Henry Burton.

Hi.

I sure admired your granddaddy.

- Great. - Henry.

I'll pick you up for dinner around 7:00 p.m. We can talk a little policy.

Right.

Nice meetin' you, Henry. Say hi to Winona for me.

Who? He means Jennifer Rogers.

Every girl Richard falls for is Winona Ryder to him.

Oh, that's...

Psychotic.

On the road again

Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway

We're the best of friends

Does that smell good, or what?

Hey, Gov! Hey! How y'all doin'?

Come on over here.

How's the food?

Willie. Hi, honey.

I'm glad you made it. Hi.

It smells so good. Hey, good.

We got it all set up for you.

Yeah! He got chicken.

Hey, Will! How's business? Hey, Gov.

Hey, Amalee, the gov's here. It's hot.

You got your mojo workin' tonight? Ain't no end to it.

My friend! Loretta!

Hi, Governor. How're you doin'? Hey, Lo!

Good to see you.

The gov's here! How're you doin', now?

Hi. Henry Burton. Pleased to meet you. Good to meet you.

Honey, how's it goin'?

I had to tell Jackie you were too busy working for the folks to baby-sit.

He was not happy. Yes'm.

How're you doin'? Welcome.

How're you doin', Will?

Hey, not so good since my mama died.

I miss her like a pain. You gotta let that happen.

Your mama deserves it.

Your pain will heal with time, but you gotta give your mama her due.

We gotta miss our mamas. Ain't nobody gonna love us like our mamas.

You still got your mama with you, Henry?

No, she's in Beverly Hills with her second husband.

You're a lucky man. Thank you.

The next time I see my mama, she's blind.

A year later, she's just got one leg from diabetes.

She could've done anything. She could've been anything.

God bless the mamas.

My mama worked her whole life and never asked for nothin'.

Shit, my mama raised seven children.

If Ozio doesn't run, we concentrate on New Hampshire.

If he does, we concentrate on the South.

Ozio might wait until New Hampshire.

Shouldn't we wait for the governor?

This pertains to how he's running the campaign.

He's on a mama-thon. That can go on all night in the South.

We have to figure...

My mama worked her whole life for her family...

and never did anything for herself!

Now they're cuttin' her up! Cuttin' pieces out of her!

Why'd that happen to my mama?

I looked over Jordan and what did I see

Comin' for to carry me home

You know what Richard's favorite song is?

I tell you that it is the most American goddamn song that I can think of.

A Southern governor wrote it.

You know which one I'm thinking of?

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

I'll be damned. I didn't know a Southern governor wrote that.

You'll never know, dear how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping Come on, darlin'.

I dreamt I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear

I was mistaken

And I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Henry, I have a printout

of every grassroots organization in New Hampshire.

Great. Put it on my desk.

These rabbis are putty in my hands.

Fantastic.

I started out with 200. I have one left.

You know how I did it? No.

Look.

Terry, I am speechless.

Well, I think my grandfather would endorse the governor, Jesse.

Even if you ran. Okay. Yeah.

You too, my friend. All right.

Where the fuck are my clothes? Take it easy.

Daisy got sidetracked. She's not a muffin. She works for Sporken.

What am I doing here? Does this guy even have a chance in hell?

I haven't canvassed hell lately.

If we only worked for guys who had a chance in hell, we wouldn't have Richard.

Oh, shit, he's bird-dogging.

Sweetheart, I got a hotel room.

Why don't you go with me for a little bit?

You're crushing my originals.

I didn't mean to do that. You don't know what you're missing.

It's got room service, a vibrating bed. Wait. Don't embarrass him.

Cable movies. You wanna walk the snake?

What's that look? You don't believe me?

Baby, I'm tellin' you, I got a python in here.

Hey!

Gee, I've never seen one that old before.

Come on, bud.

Let's park that Mustang back in the garage.

She's not married, is she?

Hey, fuck you! Fuck me?

Fuck you, you redneck son of a bitch. Ever hear of Anita Hill?

You are so lucky she's cool.

I wouldn't have done it if she wasn't cool.

You know when the muffin is cool.

Your sensitive mind tells you when to show her your cock.

Where'd you go to school?

Hotchkiss, right? I read up on you.

You're a tight-ass preppy elitist from Hotchkiss. Bullshit!

Bullshit, it's bullshit! You called me a redneck, which I'm proud to say I am.

You, Hotchkiss, are a honky.

You just look black. It's the best part of you.

It lets you intimidate the pale faces, especially lib-labs,

and work that voodoo sexual shit on white girls.

I'm blacker than you are. I got some slave in me. I can feel it.

You're crazy! What?

You got a visitor. It's not a visitor. It's me.

Where the fuck have you been?

Where is my suitcase? I got it.

Can't let a lady carry a suitcase, not in the South.

Henry, I am so glad that you finally got a wardrobe,

We got a very important dinner with a very important person. Who?

Governor Ozio's son.

What the fuck does Ozio's son want?

A scouting expedition for Pop, I guess.

But it could be Ozio is looking for someone to endorse.

Jesus.

Wouldn't that be something?

Mm-hmm.

This has to be handled just right.

Just right.

Red Skelton. That's what I remember.

Red Buttons.

All right. I hope you don't mind eatin' pig with your hands.

Is there any other way? Not in the South.

There we go.

The governor's been watching you move around the country.

He was hoping the next time you pass our way, you'd stop in,

spend a little time, get to know us better. We will absolutely do that.

In fact, you got the book. When can we meet with Jimmy's dad... Governor Ozio?

You don't mind us talking business, do you? No.

How else will I learn?

Let's see. We're pretty booked.

Next Tuesday we're in Albany on the way to New Hampshire.

How's Tuesday? Let's look.

Tuesday.

Let me just scroll down here.

Tuesday's pretty full.

Maybe I can slot you in somewhere.

Yeah. Oh, um...

We land at 4:00, then there's a drop-by

at the Teachers Union cocktail party...

before their annual dinner at the Sheraton.

I'd like to skip that, but they'd notice.

I'm the only candidate invited to the cocktail party.

I know.

The governor turned it down because he's the keynote speaker at the dinner.

You'll both be at the Sheraton at the same time.

You can meet after the cocktail party, just before dinner,

in his suite.

Perfect.

I'll see him then. Excellent.

Fuck all, Henry. Fuck all.

You don't know fuck all about briefing me!

You make me look like a fuckin' amateur!

Like a rube-ass, barefoot, dipshit, third-rate,

southern-fried piece-of-shit alderman!

You didn't know that Ozio was speaking at that dinner.

You couldn't tell me, so I don't go shootin' my mouth off about that party.

Hello, Richard.

If you'd like to make a call...

Shit!

What the fuck kind of operation we got here?

How did we get scheduled for a drop-in when he is the main speaker?

Get me Howard!

You threw the phone out the window. Stop the car.

Don't kill us. Just stop it.

The phone landed in the brush. You're wrong.

It landed in the trees.

I look like shit if I go to that cocktail party.

I'm Ozio's warm-up act. Don't think he didn't know it.

But somehow, we didn't know it.

Get out of the goddamn brush. It landed in the trees.

Jimmy Ozio is probably tellin' his father he's got nothin' to worry about.

That would be the case even if Henry hadn't screwed up.

Here's the phone. It was in the brush.

Well, shit.

You wouldn't have found it if I hadn't thrown it out the car.

Hello.

No.

No, sorry, he's not here.

Henry Burton. Can I take a message?

Oh.

Oh, God. I see.

No, no, no. I got it. I got it.

How reliable is Daisy?

A hundred percent. Then we just got really bad news.

In the next issue of Manhattan magazine,

there's an interview with Ozio in which he blasts you.

"What's he done? His state's last in everything.

He doesn't know shit about education."

Well, you were right about the meeting.

This is bad.

- You have to hit back. - But not too hard.

You don't want to lose the liberals. You're gonna lose 'em anyway.

Richard, are you with us?

I'd give him a little poke. It'll make us look better when he drops out.

When who drops out?

- Ozio's 24 points ahead of us. - That's the giveaway.

If he's willing to acknowledge our presence,

he's the stupidest Italian since Nero.

Or he's not gonna race. He'll sit on his throne and snipe.

It doesn't matter. I'm not gonna do it.

Jack!

I'm not gonna go negative.

Any jackass can burn down a barn.

It's self-defense. I'm not gonna do it!

Shane!

Come back!

Come back, Shane!

Run for president.

Hello?

How're you doin', Henry? Uh, fine.

Look, there's been a bender on the interstate.

I'm on my way to meet with the family, so cancel Howard.

Uh, yeah. Okay.

And, Governor, look.

About the Teachers Union dinner...

Listen, my man. I know how much I lay on you.

I know how hard you work for me. And I'm honored by it.

I'm honored. Yeah, but I should have thought...

It didn't occur to me... Forget it.

Get out of that office for a while and rest.

Stay home, crack open a bottle of Chablis.

What you doing this weekend, Henry? Uh, this weekend.

I'm setting up a list of meetings...

You think it's possible to get yourself laid?

Sir? I'm serious.

I don't want you too horny to think straight or too burned out to kick ass

when we really need to start rolling.

What you doin' Thanksgiving? What?

You said your mama's in Beverly Hills, so if you're free,

maybe you'd like to spend it with Susan, Jackie and me.

It's not the same as being with your mama, but we're family too.

Uh, thank you. Yes, I... I would like that.

Well, good.

And, Henry, the reason I won't take on Ozio

is that I don't want to give that son of a bitch the power to make me the son of a bitch.

All right? See you, Henry.

Right.

Dear Lord, thank you for what we're about to receive.

Amen.

All right, son. Here we go.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Who the hell are all these people? Most are from shelters.

You're kidding. No, he invites them every year.

That's the good news. The bad news is he also invites his friends.

People he's been collecting since kindergarten

so he can take them aboard when he sails.

Some of them really suck.

Henry. Daisy.

She has the same problem. Right.

I want you to meet Lucille Kaufman, an old friend from New York.

I marched with your grandfather.

Hello, Lucille.

Lucille and I went to law school together.

Let's get a drink. You're Jack's coordinator?

Can't you do something about his clothes and the color of the campaign posters?

And Arlen Sporken, while you're at it.

If I wasn't swamped, I'd join the campaign full-time.

Henry, I want you to meet my son Jackie.

Hi, Jackie. This is our family doctor, Dr. Beauregard.

Henry, you and Jack are gonna have to find yourselves a way to educate them Yankees.

Maybe if they both wear capes.

This is Randy Culligan. I gave him his first job as a law clerk.

Whoo!

Refried black-eyed peas

More corn and chicken fries Gumbo, rice

Thinks that I am

Unforgettable too

Hey, folks. May I have your attention here?

Folks, you all know me. I'm Jackie Stanton's mama.

How 'bout if we sing us a chorus...

of You Are My Sunshine... Yeah!

...in honor of the great Southern governors of America.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Hello. Huh?

Please don't take my sunshine away You're kidding?

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Wait. Hold up. Ozio just dropped out.

That's fantastic! Yes!

Gentlemen, welcome to the first debate...

of the Democratic presidential primary.

I remind you to keep your responses to one minute. Okay.

Senator Martin. Oh, God. I'm so nervous I'm sick.

It's three weeks to the primary.

What I want to say about health care

is that although it's vital that every man, woman and child be covered,

it's also vital that we conserve as well as expend.

We're providing a safety net for folks on welfare

who otherwise would be unable to get off welfare. Oh, shit.

Oh, man. What did you just see?

Uh, nothing. No one.

Y'all are missing

one of the great assholes of our time back there.

I can't help feeling sad as I listen to Senator Martin.

Lookin' sad.

I remember a time when being a Democrat meant more...

than just giving welfare recipients a safety net.

It meant giving them a ladder.

It meant giving them a way to climb back to an equal height.

It meant dignity. I say if we don't control spending,

we don't shore up the economy of this great country of ours,

our economy will go under.

This is a new economic era.

Who are we shoring the economy up for?

Your bond-holding fat cats? I'd like to know.

It's not just bondholders. Ordinary men and women will benefit as well.

Goddamn it. Why is he doing this?

Because he's just gotta get on the good side of Lawrence Harris.

A lower deficit means, among other things,

that working families will have lower mortgage rates.

Okay, not bad, but shut up. We're okay.

Governor Nilson's idea has got merit.

We do need to provide jobs for those who need work. That is true.

Jack, excuse me.

What, if anything, are you against?

I... I'm against doing nothing while people are suffering.

I'm against dismissing any idea that might help

because it isn't my idea.

Senator, you have met these people, looked into their eyes.

Are you saying we should do nothin' to help unless we come up with it?

Nailed him! He's toast!

Hell, yes! What I meant was...

Kickin' ass and takin' names!

Grand slam. As good as it gets.

Hi. How was I?

You took it, honey. It was yours. Sure.

Governor, March Cunningham, The Black Advocate.

Were you ever arrested during the Vietnam War?

No.

You were never arrested in Chicago?

I was accidentally detained.

Then released. The record was expunged.

You remember how you were released?

They realized it was a mistake. It was a long time ago.

- Check your records. - Honey, we're gonna be late.

Henry? You guys go ahead. I'll meet you. Go on.

What are you doing here?

Why is The Black Advocate suddenly interested in Stanton?

They're not. I am.

I'm trying to find out who he is because a friend of mine works for him.

Oh, March. Come on. Don't do this.

I thought you might be interested too.

Do you know why he was released?

He called a senator to get him out of jail

and then persuaded the mayor of Chicago to have his record expunged.

"So"? So? I?

You don't care that this guy was already so manipulative in the 60's...

that he got into bed with the mayor of Chicago,

the same mayor that busted the protestors at the Democratic Convention?

No, I don't care. Stanton was never a radical. He's a politician.

He couldn't get elected with a record, so he had that expunged.

That's the kind of man you want to work for, somebody who just wants to get elected?

No, I want to work for a man who fights the good fight,

then watch a Republican get elected.

What's the difference? Can you tell? I can tell the difference

between a man who believes what I believe and lies to get elected

and a man who... who just doesn't give a fuck.

I'll take the liar. How did he do this to you?

Do what? What? What are you...

Why are you making this guy into the devil?

Why don't you at least get to know him, maybe spend a few days with us?

Honey, I miss you, and we could be together.

God.

I think you'd fuck me to get some good press for Stanton.

We're in trouble.

What does she have?

What the fuck is The Black Advocate doing covering Stanton?

They're not. It's... She's...

It's personal.

Well, it don't matter. We're fucked.

If some little shitty paper like The Black Advocate's

got a reporter who can dig this up,

then we're fuckin' flying blind in the wind.

Now they're all gonna come after us.

Did you see any other president up there on the stage tonight?

We're the fucking ball game.

Now every flea that ever nipped his ass is gonna want a piece of us.

It's gonna be the war thing, the drug thing, the woman thing.

That's the killer right there. You're gonna have to talk to him about that.

Me? No. Hey, you're the strategy guy.

But you're the body man.

Maybe we can talk to Susan.

Are you out of your fuckin' mind?

"Mrs. Stanton, we need to know who the governor's plugging so we can have spin control."

All right, then, let's just quit.

If everyone's gonna take a bite out of him, we're not gonna say anything,

let's go work for someone we're not too chickenshit to protect.

All right. We'll set up a meeting. Him or her?

Shit, her! Her!

Goddamn, this is gonna be rough.

So, I have to be in Concord in an hour to meet Jack.

What's the crisis?

It's campaign business. It's, uh, private.

Please, if it's not too private for you...

Lucille is one of my closest friends and part of this campaign.

What's the crisis?

Say you're out in the woods taking a shit...

and a wild boar comes charging at ya.

Now, do you pull your britches up and run?

Or do you try to pull your britches up and grab the doves you just shot,

and then try to run, all at the same time?

Or do you just forget about the fuckin' doves, pull your britches up and run,

'cause you ain't got time to aim and button your fly?

And if you miss,

well... you don't want to die with your dick hanging out.

You see what I'm sayin'?

I think I speak for everyone in the room when I say no.

Well, I mean, uh,

what if you're not prepared for the boar,

and you get caught with your britches down and lose the doves?

All right, what Richard is saying is...

If you get caught in the forest...

Don't give us a "taking a shit in the woods" metaphor again.

Tell us what you are talking about.

Okay.

Say that this boar is part... I don't believe this.

Who do the boars represent, the Republicans?

No, the press. The press?

Yes. Don't they?

Yeah, the press.

Now, you're dealing with these wild boars.

Oh, God. Suddenly they start saying things like "marijuana."

"Chicago." Maybe a woman comes forward and says...

Bullshit. That's not gonna happen.

Absolutely not. I don't think so either.

But...

I'm just trying to figure this out.

If it did happen,

then he's not gonna get trapped like Hart, 'cause we know the rules.

If some bimbo from a former life comes forward, we just say, "Bullshit."

Bullshit is right. What are you suggesting we do?

How would you deal with it? By knowing more than they do.

By being prepared, so when a story like Chicago comes up, we fight back with the truth.

How are we supposed to know what kind of garbage they're gonna come up with?

That's the point, Lucille. That's the whole ever-fuckin' point.

We need to hire an operative to do research, you see?

We need somebody that can get at... Investigate our lives.

Investigate everything anybody can make an allegation about.

That's ridiculous. We don't play that game.

That's the media's game. We play the people's game.

We say, "The Republicans and the media

want the election to be about trash.

We want it to be about your future."

We don't shoot doves in this campaign. We protect them.

What do you mean?

Well, don't the doves represent the people?

No. Then I don't understand who the doves are.

Forget the doves. Henry, you agree with this?

- Yes. - Okay.

We'll do it. I'll tell the governor.

I want Libby Holden. Oh, my God!

If we're gonna get someone to find the dirt, we have to have someone who knows us,

someone we trust completely.

But I mean, is she out of the hospital?

Yes.

She's okay now? Who is she?

She was Jack's chief of staff 20 years ago. She had a breakdown.

She just suddenly became incoherent

in the middle of a press conference.

It was awful. She's been in and out of mental hospitals for years.

She seems very stable now. She's been home for 18 months.

You and Henry can fly back tomorrow and brief her.

Well, that's good... that she's stable,

because you're kind of putting the whole campaign in her hands now.

Yes, I know.

Well, that's good.

Are we the doves? Lucille, I think we can forget the metaphor.

Actually, I think we're the ones taking the shit in the woods.

Hey, Ella. Henry.

Oh, I'm just thrilled y'all came back.

I got a million messages for you.

He looks like a band leader. I'm getting rid of it.

Hey, Henry, how're you doin'?

On behalf of Jack Stanton, we'd like to thank you for your support.

Never call 'em secretaries. Always call 'em assistants. Jennifer, look who's back!

Henry! Oh!

Shalom.

You're working on Friday and wearing a yarmulke.

I'm dressed for work. How you doin', H.B.?

I'm here! Who's talkin' to me?

Uh, Miss Holden?

Henry Burton. Ah-ha.

Hi, I'm Terry Hicks.

Jennifer. Uh-huh.

Hello, Lib. Hello, shit-for-brains.

You learned how to watch your mouth yet?

I will not let you fuck up this campaign too. I will not let it happen!

Uh... That was 20 years ago.

Yes, I was thinner then. I had a waist.

Peter Goldsmith. Ella Louise Harriman.

Where is this happening? What?

The fucking meeting!

I will need a safe house.

I know the house. Little, nice rose garden.

Call Becky Raymond. 673-4982.

Tell her it's for the governor. She'll know what you mean.

Now, staff.

I want that one, the one who looks like Winona Ryder.

Gorgeous. Is she smart?

Oh, she's smart.

I want her as soon as the meeting's over. Start.

Well, um, a reporter for The Black Advocate

dug up the governor's Chicago arrest.

We know we can't stop that. Why stop it? It's a paper trail.

Chicago's not that important.

But we're concerned there may be other things.

Like Cashmere McLeod. Uh, who?

Boy, you really don't know shit, do you?

You mean Susan's hairdresser?

And Jack's porkpie.

What? For Christ's sake, act your age.

Jack Stanton fucks around, and he's got enemies.

But what, Susan's hairdresser? What can she do to us?

She can sell her story to the Flash for 150,000,

minus the ten percent she's giving to the slime-suckin', down-on-his-luck attorney...

who's agenting the deal for her.

You know this? No, I imagined it in the booby hatch!

It's bullshit.

In your dreams, sweetheart.

She can't hurt us. She has no proof.

She has no credibility. It's bullshit.

She's the tip of the iceberg.

Our Jackie's done some pretty stupid things in his life.

He's poked his pecker in some sorry trash bins.

We gotta stop 'em before they stop us.

We gotta crush 'em and sweep 'em up.

From now on, you can call me the Dustbuster.

You know, honey child? I'm stronger than dirt.

I believe you.

We could offer her 200,000 not to print it. Then kill her to make sure?

The important thing is he didn't do anything wrong,

he has nothing to be defensive about.

He should act pissed off. But not too pissed off. He's running for president.

It should be like, "Well, it's too bad, but we don't take it seriously."

This ain't as frightening as things that happen to people,

like losing your job or getting foreclosed.

- Where the fuck's the light? - I'm looking for it.

Like, "Shit happens, but we're calm in a shit storm."

Or maybe it's, "We expected this crap to happen."

Right. The usual media trash bash.

Why did he do it?

Did he figure Cashmere McLeod would be so honored she'd never betray the secret?

Wait a minute. Maybe it isn't true. What difference does it make?

It'd be better if it wasn't true.

Why? They say Hitler never looked at another woman after Eva Braun.

Does that make him better than Stanton?

Or Jefferson, Kennedy, or any of the guys we wish we worked for who fucked around?

But that's not the official line for interviews.

No, of course not.

Today a potentially explosive development for Governor Jack Stanton

in his quest for the Democratic presidential nomination.

A hairdresser has come forward alleging

a long-term affair with the married candidate.

The story, as yet unconfirmed, appeared today in the Flash.

There has been no statement yet from the governor...

regarding the young woman, Cashmere McLeod...

Unbelievable... but the accusation comes right on the heels...

of the disclosure that Governor Stanton was arrested in 1968 in Chicago.

Fuckin' Eye Witness News. Goddamn it.

Ted Koppel wants someone from the team for his show. 60 Minutes wants a Sunday...

Do we have to take this? They're gonna dignify this garbage.

We have to go along with that? Well, we can't ignore it.

They might have given him Chicago 'cause that was 30 years ago,

and they might have given him Cashmere because she was paid.

But the two right on top of one another... You see what I'm saying?

How many people are going to be saying,

"Do we want a former radical hippie that messes with hairdressers?"

He did not fuck Cashmere McLeod.

If you can't handle that simple fact, you can leave right now.

All right. Let's think this through.

Who has thoughts about 60 Minutes?

Well, I think you do it. I think you say yes to all these interviews,

and show 'em we ain't got a thing to hide.

And the sooner the better. We have two weeks left to the primary.

Right. And I think we should take the attitude

that we expected this to happen, you know?

It's just the usual bullshit media trash bash.

Shit happens, but we're calm in a shit storm, you know?

This is not near as bad as things that happen to real people.

Do you agree, Henry?

My problem is I go out and I run and I work out,

and then I come in here and eat donuts.

Well, you know, you got to eat something. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, the thing is, is just not to eat too many of 'em.

I believe you're right. If you could just have a little bit.

Hey, Governor. Henry, my man. Sit down. Have some coffee.

No, I'm okay. You gonna get some sleep tonight?

Hmm. Absolutely. Don't you worry about me.

I was just going over some ideas with Danny here.

Danny Scanlon, this is my friend Henry Burton.

Can I get you something, Mr. Burton? Apple fritter? No, thanks.

You know that Danny here works here every night,

twelve-hour shift, $5.25 an hour?

But like I was telling the governor, I don't mind.

I would mind if I couldn't work. How about an apple fritter?

Uh, not for me.

What was the best game you saw all year, Danny? College, not pro.

Utah State versus San Diego State.

Oh, yes, that was a great game, wasn't it?

Yeah, I saw that. It was a great ground game.

Yep. You gotta have a good ground game. Yeah, you do.

Apple fritter? No, I, I just said...

I... I'll have one, Dan, but just one. Okay.

I will make some fresh coffee, and if you want some, you call me.

All right, Danny. Thank you.

You look tired, Governor. Maybe it's time to go home.

They're gonna kill me with trash. Not if you don't let them.

It's my own fault. It's my own goddamned fault. I didn't keep it together.

We can still win this thing. We're going to win it.

But the hits you're taking are nothing compared to

what average folks are going through.

Hmm.

Losing their jobs, losing their homes.

Keep that in your mind. Yes.

Keep the folks in your mind.

It's about them, isn't it?

Yeah, it's about them. It's about history.

Well, that's truer for Susan than it is for me. It's always been about them.

Like this fella, Danny Scanlon.

Worked every day since he was 14.

Couldn't get insurance, couldn't get his leg fixed right.

Doesn't complain.

Doesn't do anyone any harm. Achin' to do good.

God, if you...

If you let a man like that go down,

you don't deserve to take up space on this planet, do you?

We won't let him go down.

Sh...

- Yeah. - Bummer, Henry, bummer.

Libby? Yeah. She's got tapes.

Who? Who's got tapes?

Cashmere, the hair slut, you moron.

She's gonna play 'em at her press conference tomorrow.

I do not have time for ineptitude.

Now go tell Jack and Susan the cunt's got tapes,

and get your ass back to Mammoth Falls.

Hey, Henry. Morning.

Honey, I have to run. I will. Hold on.

The new member of the swimming team wants to talk to you.

Hey, Jackie boy. That's great. You made it.

Well, that's great. We're proud of you.

Yeah. No, no, just a bunch of campaign garbage, that's all.

Governor, this... this can't wait.

All right. Well, we'll call you tonight. I love you too. Bye-bye.

What is it? I was just talking to Libby.

She says Cashmere McLeod has tape recordings of you and her

talking on the phone together,

and she's gonna play them at a press conference tomorrow.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - How bad?

I don't know. Did you tell her... Henry, could you excuse us, please?

Sure.

Well, it is cold here, Sam, but these are friendly people.

It reminds me a lot of home.

I like her hair that way.

It softens her face. Yes. Could be longer, though.

If you hung out with us for a day,

you'd see what the folks are really interested in is the future.

He's gotten fat.

And he jogs. Can you imagine how much he eats?

Can you imagine what he eats?

What's he governor of again?

Let me see. It's not Georgia. Governor, just to set the record straight,

did you have an affair with Cashmere McLeod? Not Florida.

Now, Sam, I am not gonna dignify that trash.

And I am disappointed, at a time when the American people...

have an awful lot they're concerned about,

I saw a picture of the hairdresser. Not bad.

We've had tough times in our marriage, but we've worked them out.

I don't think this is fair.

People suffer and struggle and go through all sorts of crazy things.

The important thing is we're still here.

If you want to draw a political lesson from that about Jack's character,

here it is: He will stick.

He will work through the tough times.

He will wake up every morning and bust his butt for the American people.

"Bust his butt." The mouth on her.

He should just take her in hand.

Yeah, right. Yeah, but she's honest. They had some tough times.

Maybe that's when he screwed the hairdresser.

And with that we come to the end of The Week In Washington.

Governor and Mrs. Stanton, thank you for joining us. Yeah?

- Hi. - Thank you.

Are you watching?

Yeah, it's just going off now.

We're out. Thanks, everybody.

And it's over. How'd it play where you are?

Wasn't she fantastic?

Yeah, great. But they'd like to see her hair a little longer.

Watch your step, sir. Thank you.

Hey.

Hey! Henry!

Oh, it's good to see you. How ya doin'?

How long you in town for? Not long.

No time to talk. We gotta get to Sailor's and watch old Cashmere with an expert.

You take care of yourself now, dear.

I'll be home for dinner. We'll take my truck.

Uh, I...

And my friends around to help me.

So you met Jack and Susan in Florida working for McGovern?

What were they like? Yep.

Glorious. Golden. Golden.

And here I am just missing you again Did they have any...

Please, mister, please.

Don't play B-17.

It was our song. It was her song.

Sing with me, Henry. But it's over.

Please, mister, please.

If you know what I mean. All right!

I don't ever want to play that song again.

Ha ha ha!

Sailorman!

Libby. Good to see ya, girl.

How was the booby hatch?

Well, a better class of drugs than the old days.

- Where's the beer? - Hey.

Welcome to the world of electronics. Brewski. Thanks.

Cashmere McLeod and her attorney are about to make...

Here she comes... Public the tapes which she says prove her allegations...

Recording. ...against Governor Jack Stanton.

I know just what she looked like in high school.

I'm Sherman Presley, Ms. McLeod's attorney.

I want to make one thing clear.

We'll take no questions until after the playing of the tapes.

And this will not be an inquisition.

Yeah, right. We get the inquisition.

The tapes were recorded on Miss McLeod's phone machine.

Portions you're about to hear were recorded just before Thanksgiving.

Governor Jack Stanton seduced me...

Can you back that up?

...and I have tapes to prove it.

I'm on my way to meet with the family.

But you said you loved me.

You said no one could do the things I did to you.

I could come up there. God, what a whiny bitch!

Remember that time I met you in Dallas?

Hmm. I get hot just thinkin' about it.

- Oh, my God. - What you doin' this weekend?

Mmm, nothing, now that you're leaving.

Stay home, crack open a bottle of Chablis.

Do you think it's at all possible to get laid?

I'd say it's entirely possible, if you postpone that trip.

I'm too horny to think straight.

As you can see, these tapes were, uh, recorded on Miss McLeod's phone machine...

All right, I'm recording the rest of this bullshit. Let's get to work.

I'm gonna kill him. How could he be so fuckin' dumb?

There's a couple of abrupt cutouts in here. Let's replay it.

I'm on my way to meet with the family.

That's a pretty abrupt cutout right there.

What you doin' this weekend?

That's picked up in midsentence, I think.

I mean, it could be.

Stay home, crack open a bottle of Chablis.

Do you think it's at all possible to get laid?

Now, that breakup in the middle,

that could be cellular static, or they might have used it to cover.

Wait a second. Wait a goddamned second.

Play that line again.

Do you think it's at all possible to get laid?

"At all possible to get laid." Again.

What? Just again, damn it.

Do you think it's at all possible to get laid?

Yourself. Yourself!

Hello? You're not crackin' up, are you? 'Cause two of us would be one too many.

Un-fucking-believable! Yourself...

He said, "Do you think it's at all possible to get yourself laid?"

He was talking to me. He said he didn't want me too horny to think straight.

It was just before Thanksgiving.

Okay, look. Play it again from the top. Just his lines. One at a time.

Shit! JACK: I'm on my way to meet with the family.

"Meet with the family."

There was an accident, uh, a bender on the interstate.

That's the family he was gonna meet. Okay, next line, his.

What you doin' this weekend?

An abrupt cutout, right?

Yep.

He said, "What are you doin' this weekend, Henry?"

I remember he called me Henry. I remember the whole call, it meant so much to me.

Ha! Jesus Christ! We got her!

You got her. We don't. How do we prove it?

Ah, no, no. No. Libby, they...

We can't let 'em get away with this.

Come on. This cannot be a world that lets them get away with it!

Oh, my. Imagine a black boy sayin' that. What a privileged fuckin' life you've had.

But never mind about the world, baby.

I won't let 'em get away with it. I will find a way.

I'm gonna get a lead on where Ted Koppel and Larry King are this weekend.

Can you nail the conversations on their cellulars?

Have to rent a van, track 'em. Sure. Do it.

Then we'll pick the best one. Let's go, Henry.

We gotta change the world now.

You asshole!

Yes, it was off a cellular telephone, but don't pull that outraged-puppy shit with me.

It's not like you've suddenly become an innocent because the tape is phony.

God! I wish we'd castrated you when we had the chance.

Libby, you're talking on a cellular phone! Oh, shit!

Yes, I... Goddamned sure I know who did it.

Yes.

I'll get it done. Okay. Bye.

W... W... Wait a minute. You know who did it?

Yes. Oh, yes, indeedy.

What the... Triumphant day, huh, Randy?

Perhaps your best day.

Is that Cashmere on the line? Let me say hi. No, it's not.

Say good-bye to Sherman Presley, then. We've got business.

It's not Sherman Presley, whoever he is.

You've branched out, Randy. Electronics now, huh?

I... I don't know what you're talking about.

You've been recording your friend the governor's private conversations, haven't you?

What? Are you... Come on, why would I do that?

I'm a big Stanton supporter. I always have been.

Why, he's puttin' this state right on the map.

I've only been here 20 seconds and you've already exhausted my patience.

I'm gonna want a signed confession.

L... L... Libby, put that thing away before you do something stupid and get yourself into trouble!

Randy, you wet fart of a human turd,

you ambushed Jack Stanton, and you're gonna admit it or you're gonna die.

Libby, you're crazy! Certi-fuckin'-fiably! At last, a fact.

Buddy, you'll go to jail too!

I... I don't know anything about this.

He's shocked. He had no idea.

Now, Randy, you gonna write this out in longhand?

I don't know what you're talkin' about. Enough.

You know what? I'm gonna blow your nuts off. Oh, shit!

Yes, I'm a gay lesbian woman.

I do not mythologize the male sexual organ.

God! Now, now, you tiny scumbag,

I know you did it.

You're on retainer to the Flash. I know that.

And you stupid little shit!

You couldn't just make do with the crap Jack actually did. You had to embellish it.

Mister, you're about to become missus.

Libby, come on. Don't! You have a choice to make, and very quickly.

Just how crazy is Libby? And you're gonna have to do it now.

One... two...

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Okay! Okay! Okay!

Very good. Very wise.

Now, I want you to be eloquent in this letter you're about to write...

and guilt-ridden about your jealousy and greed.

You could not live with yourself

if you deprived the American people of this man.

Tonight an aide of Governor Jack Stanton

has asked to join us in order to play a tape.

I haven't heard this tape yet, but my producer has.

We'd like to thank her for letting us go on with such short notice.

Okay, here we go.

Uh, I can be there in 15 minutes.

I could come up there, sugar.

No, no, no. I can't wait. I have to have it now, okay?

Oh, entirely. I get hot just thinkin' about it.

Look at King. Look at his face. Oh, my God.

Now, that sounded like me. It was you, Larry,

asking the headwaiter at Cafe des Artistes could he seat you right away...

because you hadn't had anything to eat since morning.

Well, how'd... How did you... We recorded it off your cell phone.

Now I would like to read a letter from the man

who did the same thing to Governor Stanton.

"To whom it may concern,

I am an employee of the Flash.

I admit taking innocent statements of Governor Jack Stanton...

off his cellular phone, editing them...

and paying Cashmere McLeod to pretend she was having a conversation with him.

I did this for my own gain and advancement.

I confess it now because I can no longer live with the fear

that I may deprive the American people

of a great man."

And it's signed: "Randy Culligan, Attorney at Law."

Don't you think the media owes Governor Stanton an apology?

I mean, spreading this kind of unsubstantiated garbage... Good, very good.

It should be harder than this to smear an innocent man.

There you go, Daisy.

We'll be right back with your phone calls. Don't go away.

How'd you get my cellular?

Henry, well done. She was...

She was so great!

Still the one that I wouldn't switch

Still the one that I wouldn't switch

We're still having fun and you're still the one There's people out there.

You are still the one that makes me shout

Still the one that I dream about

We're still having fun and you're still the one

Whoo, whoo Still the one

Yeah, still the one

I want to thank you all for stickin' with us

and workin' so hard through all this.

W-We don't have much time, but with your help and the grace of God,

we will get done what needs to get done. Yes.

You know, it's been pretty awful, but...

we're still here!

Well, I know it would be easy to get a lot of laughs tonight

by doing some cheap blow-dry jokes, so I'll just get started.

It all started innocently enough for Governor Stanton.

He walked in one day and he asked for a little trim.

- And some longer bangs. - Hmm.

They don't care about the fine points.

No. It would ruin the punch line.

Does anyone ever survive one of these feeding frenzies?

Well, if they've been around a while, maybe.

But this is the first thing

most people will hear about Jack Stanton,

and you've got to figure he's history.

Fuckin' idiot! God... damn... her!

O'er the land of the free

And the home

Of the brave

Thank you, Phil.

Folks, as the head of the Portsmouth Democratic Party,

it's my pleasure to introduce to you

one of the South's most progressive governors,

and the husband of one of the best little

fly-fishermen to ever put on waders.

Please welcome Governor Jack Stanton!

Thank you for that kind introduction, Tommy,

and, uh, thank you for the fish.

Yeah, he gave me a big slab-sided, white-bellied fella.

Looked a lot like me.

Put it right on the grill and gave it some heat,

kinda like they're doing to me now too.

I want... I want to thank you for comin' out tonight.

I know how hard you work and how little time you have to rest.

Some of us got more time than we'd like.

Right. Right. I understand.

In fact, since this factory closed, how many of you have found work?

Let me see a show of hands.

Right. Right.

And how many of you work jobs that just pay the rent

no matter how many hours you put in?

I see. My mama worked jobs like that after my daddy died.

I remember her comin' home from work just bone-weary. You know what I mean.

And I... I know she wanted to play with me and ask me about school.

But sometimes you're just too tired to do anything...

but heat up a TV dinner and blob out in front of the tube.

- You got that one right. - There you go.

And I don't have to tell you how hard it is to be lookin' for work.

Hey, I don't have to tell you anything about hard times.

So you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna do something really outrageous. I'm gonna tell the truth.

I know what you're thinkin'.

You're thinkin' he must really be desperate to do that,

but if you had to swallow enough sh... garbage...

You can say shit. We're X-rated.

Yeah, me too, if you believe what you read in the paper.

Okay. All right.

Here's the truth.

No politician can reopen this factory,

or bring back the shipyard jobs or make your union strong again.

No politician can make it be the way it used to be,

because we're living in a new world now, a world without economic borders.

A guy can push a button in New York and move a billion dollars to Tokyo.

And in that world, muscle jobs go where muscle labor is cheap,

and that is not here.

So if you want to compete, you're gonna have to exercise a different set of muscles

the one between your ears.

He's lost 'em. Fuck 'em. He's got me.

Now, this whole country's gonna have to go back to school.

We're gonna have to get smarter, learn new skills.

And I will make you this deal: I will work hard for you.

I will wake up every morning thinkin' about you.

I will fight, sweat and bleed to get the money to make education

a lifetime thing in this country,

to give you the support you need to move up.

But you have got to do the heavy lifting your own selves.

Now, you know I've taken a lot of hits in this campaign.

But you know what that means?

It means someone thinks that you're only interested

in the kind of garbage that they've been throwin' at me.

So Tuesday, when you go to cast your vote, you think about that.

You think about what you're really interested in,

and then pick your candidate.

Yeah!

Thank you.

I don't think I'll be able to take it if he loses.

If he does lose, maybe we want to go away for a while.

Try some non-campaign sex, see if it holds up?

Goddamn it, Richard. Why are you always in my room?

'Cause it's neater.

Henry, when this is all over, you and me ought to work together.

Set up a consulting firm. Tap that black Hotchkiss vote.

Both of you, stop with the "when this is over, we are pros" crap.

Maybe you're pros, but I've gotten emotionally involved.

- Can I sleep here? - No!

All right. Shit.

See, a pro knows how to say good-bye.

It's primary day in New Hampshire where the polls are still open.

Harris is a serious man and has serious things to say

about America's economic future.

People of this country recognize that,

and that's why we're going to see upsets today.

But the biggest upset has got to be for Jack Stanton.

Stanton, like George Romney, Ed Muskie, Gary Hart before him,

flamed for an instant then burned out.

He's just stirring the ashes now.

I can't understand why we don't just quit.

I mean, don't we know we're over?

An entire industry of political experts

has explained why we're dead.

Why are we still walking around?

The fact is Jack... If it rains across the upper Midwest.

And with 15% of the vote in,

we are predicting Lawrence Harris to win in New Hampshire.

Shit, that ain't nothin'. It's his own state. He's gotta win here.

Governor Jack Stanton, who is still campaigning, by the way,

has obviously decided to fight

right down to the wire,

and is in downtown Manchester on this cold and rainy night,

fighting to pick up any last-minute votes.

This has been his technique all along, and many are surprised

just how effective it has been.

According to exit polls, an overwhelming number of Stanton voters say...

the deciding factor for them was that they actually met the governor.

So we predict Governor Jack Stanton a close second

to Lawrence Harris, with Nilson and Martin a distant third and fourth.

I'll be a son of a bitch! Don't be discouraged. We could still win!

Are you crazy? Didn't you hear?

We're second. We're alive. We're a fuckin' miracle, man.

On the road again

We have a chance now, a real chance.

If we could just get rid of Harris.

Harris'll probably take Colorado.

He could take Florida, too, unless you start hitting him.

I'll get Florida. It's the South. But it's Jewish.

You got to fire off a silver bullet in Florida, Jack.

Without Harris we have the field.

No. Negative'll boomerang. I know it. Huh?

I'm not goin' negative.

For president, Jack Stanton or Lawrence Harris?

I served my country in Korea,

and my boy Jeff fought in the Gulf War.

Jack Stanton dodged

the Vietnam draft,

and used political connections to cover up his antiwar arrest record.

I believe in real solutions and telling the truth.

Jack Stanton believes in glib answers to tough questions,

about his country and himself.

I'm Lawrence Harris.

I'll fight the tough fights. I won't run away.

It's a question of character.

Paid for by the Harris for President Committee.

Okay, I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch.

- Yes! - Yes!

But though I think he is a fine man,

and I agree with him about lowerin' the deficit,

I do not agree with Senator Harris's proposal to study a reduction,

even a freeze, in cost-of-living adjustments for Social Security.

And I also disagree with Senator Harris about Medicare.

There's one other area where Senator Harris and I disagree, and that is the Middle East.

When he was a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee,

my opponent cast many votes regarding the security and future of the state of Israel.

No! Wait, I agree with many of his votes, but some...

Well, I think it's important to stand with our friends.

And America has no better friend than the state of Israel.

Thank you.

Well, we're up three points and climbing. Thanks, God...

so a meeting with the Rainbow Coalition might just be...

Uh, one second. Who is it? William McCollister.

Can I call you back? Yeah, I'll just be five minutes.

Ain't you rememberin' me, Mr. Burton?

Willie. The barbecue place. Come on in.

So, uh, what are you doing here?

Well, I figured it'd be easier to talk face-to-face with a brother

than to the gov, even though he's like a brother.

I, uh...

I flew here 'cause my daughter Loretta is with child,

and she says Governor Jack Stanton's the daddy.

Right.

Has he landed yet? Yeah. He's in the men's room.

Okay. Uh, is he alone? What do you mean?

Doesn't matter.

Governor. Hey. Well, we're in the lead.

Uh, good, good. Senator Harris is second.

The undecided's killin' everyone.

Governor, Willie McCollister came to see me last night.

His daughter is pregnant and she says you're the father.

Who else knows? Well, he says no one.

What's he want? I don't know.

I just can't catch a break, can I?

All right. All right. Is Willie still here?

Uh, no, he went back early this morning.

Well, I can't leave before the primary.

If this gets out, it'll kill us.

You and Howard'll have to fly back to Mammoth Falls tomorrow.

We gotta talk to him.

We gotta make sure he understands there's been some kind of mistake.

They're good people but not sophisticated. But I want 'em to know.

Why pick me?

Is it because I'm black? No.

It's because Willie picked you.

You don't have to say anything. Howard knows exactly what to say.

But you should be there because he came to you. All right.

Governor, if I'm gonna do this,

then there's something I need to know.

I am not the father of that child.

Henry, you will never have to be ashamed to be part of this campaign.

You understand that? You never have to swallow it, duck it or apologize for it.

I'll make sure that doesn't happen.

Guys? Hmm?

Hey, Mr. Burton. Hi, Willie.

Hey, Gov.

You remember Howard Ferguson.

He works with the governor too.

Hello. Mornin'.

Well, what can I do for ya?

The governor is very concerned

about this situation with your daughter.

He'd like to see it resolved.

As I'm sure you would.

He would like her to have an amniocentesis as soon as possible

so that paternity can be positively established.

A what? It's a medical procedure performed in a hospital.

A needle is inserted into the abdomen.

Amniotic fluid is drawn from your daughter's womb.

Genetic material is analyzed. It can then be compared

with the governor's blood to determine whether he is the father.

I don't understand. It's normally used to determine

the health of the fetus, and that's what you'll tell them at Mercy Hospital.

That you want to make sure that the baby's healthy.

It's a common procedure, Willie.

They put a needle in her belly?

Look, look, look. Mr. McCollister.

There are people who would like to destroy Governor Stanton.

He doesn't believe you're one of them, but he can't allow this.

You can't allow this.

I'm sure your daughter's a fine young person, but she's a child.

Children are impressionable, and there's been a lot of news about the governor...

She ain't said a word to anybody.

I told her not to. She's a good girl.

Oh, I'm sure she is.

And the governor wants to do everything possible

to help her, and you, through this time.

He is prepared to be very generous.

He will help her provide for the baby.

Now, he'll do this because he believes that you are his friend.

But we must resolve this.

We must determine to everyone's satisfaction

that he is not the father of that child.

I'm sure that you, uh...

you know, you understand...

our position.

Pull over.

Pull over.

Hello, folks. I'm Izzy Rosenblatt,

and I'm here with Schmooze for Jews.

And my guest today is presidential nominee...

and J.F.K. look-alike, Governor Jack Stanton.

Hi, Izzy. Hi, Jack.

Jack, when we were talking before, you were telling me that your mama liked Vegas.

As a tip to our listeners, when she goes there, where does she stay?

Which hotel? Well, she's pretty loyal to the MGM Grand.

MGM Grand. Listen up, you Vegas fans.

And, and who is her favorite act there? Is it Wayne Newton?

Absolutely. Everybody loves Wayne Newton. He's marvelous.

He was once a guest on this show. That was many, many years ago.

Now, to satisfy the curiosity of our Vegas fans,

when your mother plays blackjack, where does she stand pat?

Is it 16? Well, she is a bit of a gambler.

Uh, but sometimes she'll go up to 17. Oh, my.

Uh, excuse me, Governor, but I'm told we have Senator Harris on the phone.

- Uh, hello. This is indeed an honor. - Thank you.

We were just talking with Governor Stanton

about how his mother loves Las Vegas.

I was wondering, Senator, does your mother have a favorite vacation spot?

My mother's dead. Oh. I'm sorry.

Jack Stanton should be ashamed of the way he's scaring other elderly people down here.

You mean about going up to 17? What?

I'm not following you.

He's telling people I'm going to cut their Social Security and...

It's, uh... Come on, Larry. It's part of your book.

Everyone knows what you're doing down here, the sleazy politics you're playing!

Is it okay if I get a word in here? Go ahead. Be my guest.

What am I saying? You are my guest!

Larry, I'm lookin' at your campaign book here. Page 18, paragraph 3.

What does it mean when you say you want to study a freeze of cost-of-living adjustments?

Ah. That's only one possibility.

Uh, we might want to rework how they're calculated.

I can tell you, cost-of-living adjustments

are calculated to keep up with inflation.

But I guess you don't think that's such a good idea.

Now, wait a minute! I didn't say that. It's right here in your book.

I... I said it has to be studied. Who knows?

We might even want to spend more on cost-of-living adjustments.

Tell me, Senator, who is your favorite comedian?

What? I'm tellin' the folks what my positions are.

You're the one here that...

No, no, no. You're distorting my positions.

This is the reason no one trusts the political process!

You just can't defend your positions.

Not when you play these games.

Ladies and gentlemen, we just can't afford to keep spending money like this.

You just said you might want to spend more

on cost-of-living adjustments.

Larry, I think you're confused.

No, no, no, no.

Excuse me. But, uh, now listen.

Excuse me.

What happened? Did he hang up or... or what?

Uh, yes. Yes, yes.

Well, uh, so, tell me, Governor, who's your favorite comedian?

The phones haven't stopped ringing! It was fantastic, a rout.

We couldn't believe it when we heard Harris on the phone, could we?

No, no. We couldn't. He's fucked now. We're gonna walk away with Florida.

Quick! Turn on CNN. Whoa, whoa. It's on. Shh.

According to sources, Senator Harris suffered two heart attacks,

the first one immediately after a phone call with Governor Jack Stanton

during a Florida radio talk show.

Jesus. Oh, shit. We heard him having it.

...he remains in a coma. His condition is listed as critical.

Hospital sources in Florida will not confirm the senator's condition at this point.

It's difficult to say exactly what effect this will have on the campaign.

We don't know the damage to Senator Harris's heart muscle yet.

His doctors have only issued general bulletins regarding his condition.

Because after such a massive heart attack...

The vote's in two days. What do we do?

We go back to Mammoth Falls, and Daisy stays and pulls the negative ads.

Jack, I understand how you feel. But couldn't we respect...

We go back to Mammoth Falls.

There's a long history of plaque buildup in the arteries.

In the case of Senator Harris...

I was so prideful, so fuckin' smug.

There was no way you could know this.

We were gonna whip his butt.

I could have been gracious. It would have been smarter.

Well, I'm sorry. The man cuts a vicious negative ad,

then he ambushes you in a talk show

and he accuses you of sleazy politics.

You're supposed to be gracious? Wha... Am I missing something here?

Is Jackie okay? Yeah, he's fine. Go ahead.

This is no time to stop the meeting.

Harris is a smart man, and he's right about the damn issues. He's right.

He's a pompous son of a bitch. He rubbed your nose in it.

And I rubbed his nose right back in it, but that's not how you win the big ones.

All right. I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

I guess I have to fly back tonight, address the victory party,

try to get Mrs. Harris on the phone at the hospital again.

She hasn't been returning my phone calls, but, uh, can't blame her, can ya?

Ah. What do you think?

Henry.

What the fuck was that in there? Who were you and Howard starin' at?

Nothing. No one. Bullshit. That wasn't nothin'.

Who was that woman with Susan?

It looked like what's-her-name, Fat Willie's wife.

Why is she worth starin' at?

Henry, what the fuck is goin' on here? Nothing.

Party atmosphere...

...after this win here in Florida.

Yeah. All right. All right.

You son of a bitch!

Amniocentesis... You motherfucker!

Susan, I... I'm sorry... When were you gonna tell me?

My wife could not be with me at this time.

She's with our son Jackie at Mammoth Falls... Susan, I'm...

I want to extend my sympathy...

Come on, come on. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

A terrible thing has happened to a good man.

But Larry Harris is a fighter... Shh, shh, shh. I'm sorry.

With God's help he will rise to fight again, a worthy and honorable opponent.

And I know every one of us throughout this great country...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

...wishes Senator Harris a full and speedy recovery.

I think the people of Florida...

will understand if I forego any talk of victory or defeat

and ask them to join me in a prayer.

We'll need a consultant in New York, Jack.

Norman Asher's good.

Where the fuck is Henry? Daisy?

I don't know. I just flew in with you, remember?

Brad, do we have the New York numbers? You're at 22.

And Harris is running at 18%, comatose.

Shit, Henry.

I'm really sorry. The governor would like your input on New York.

How do you think they'll take the thing with Harris?

Well, obviously, Susan, first we have to see if Harris is still in.

That's not very helpful. Lucille?

If Harris is out and Ozio doesn't change his mind and jump in,

I say the race is ours by default.

My God, this poor woman.

I want to thank all of you...

for your remarkable outpouring of affection.

It's obvious that my husband will not be able

to continue his campaign for the presidency.

Fantastic! I mean... Well, you know what I mean.

We have asked our good friend

former governor Fred Picker of Florida to carry on for us.

To continue to raise the questions in a meaningful,

honorable way.

She's not too upset to give us a poke. Give her a break.

Her husband may be dying and she thinks Jack did it.

Now let me turn this campaign over to Governor Picker.

Thank you, darlin'.

I hope you'll excuse me. This is a rather emotional time.

Mr... Governor Picker, do you think you can win the nomination?

Well I'm, uh, I'm not...

out to win the nomination.

I... I'm out to

continue what Senator Harris began.

I'm trying to give the American people an honest choice on the issues.

But if you won the nomination...

Uh, it's really premature to talk about that right now.

I really haven't had the time to think about it.

Now, what I have thought about is the best way I can help

Senator Harris in this campaign.

And as I know him as a man of action rather than words,

the best action is for me to go down

and donate a pint of blood,

because that's what he really needs now.

If you folks would like to come down and donate a pint,

I know Mrs. Harris would certainly appreciate it.

Jesus Christ, we should have thought of that blood thing.

Great. Great goddamn move.

How do we treat this guy? How do we run against him if he's not gonna run?

Oh, shit, he'll run.

But till he announces it,

he'll be the flavor of the week.

We'll just be patient and wait till he comes out.

What kind of changes can we expect in the campaign?

Lawrence Harris has made several negative 30-second spots,

and his pollsters have advised even more.

Will you keep going in that direction? No.

I won't be doing any spots,

and I won't be having any polls because I'm not gonna be paying any pollsters.

I'm not gonna hire folks

to tell me what you're thinkin' and how I can get at you.

Then what exactly are you gonna do? I'm gonna talk straight.

Jesus Christ! Who is this guy?

Well, let's not panic.

He's as much as admitted he's runnin',

so now we're gonna see some tarnish on the golden image.

The media giveth and... go fuck yourself.

Governor, why did you quit politics in 1978?

Uh, there were a lot of reasons, Charlie.

Uh, I had personal problems.

I know this can't be easy for you to talk about.

No, no, it's not, but I guess...

it's part of the game now, so I'll be candid.

You see, what happened was I got too wrapped up

in the business of being governor,

and I began to neglect my family,

and my wife fell in love with another man.

I quit in part to see if I could salvage my marriage, but I couldn't.

So I just wanted to make sure that my boys...

knew that they had two parents that loved them very much.

And I think if you ask them they'll tell you that we made it through okay.

They're in college now, and when Mrs. Harris asked me to do this,

they were very, very enthusiastic.

So I guess you could say that I'm doing this for them too.

Awesome. Best I've ever seen.

What do we do? Well, now we panic.

As I said earlier, it must be very difficult...

Hello.

Hey, Amnio Man!

God! How in the hell did you find out?

It wasn't hard. Loretta talked to a schoolmate.

A Current Affair just offered the McCollisters 250,000,

and Fat Willie threw 'em off the property and threatened to call the cops.

I had to stash 'em in another county. I could fuckin' kill Jack.

He says he's not the father. Well, he's probably not.

It doesn't matter. Shit begets shit. Cashmere made anything possible.

Yeah, didn't she?

Listen, I'm a good consultant and I know New York.

But I'm not a magician. Those rumors about you and the black girl...

Norman, can't I tell 'em I gave blood to disprove the charge,

and we're just waitin' for the results?

That's too defensive.

I don't like the contrast

between why you gave blood and why Picker gave blood.

I agree. But it might be a good idea to get on some TV shows

like Montel and Geraldo.

You mean strip away those last annoying little shreds of dignity

and just wallow in trash?

Why campaign in New York at all? What is the use?

You have to. You can't skip New York.

Well, they'll kill me.

No. It'll just feel like they have.

But you'll survive. We all find a way to survive.

Th-That's why I'm so, so happy to be in New York,

to have the opportunity to...

If, if you just give me a chance...

Please give me a chance...

to answer your, your questions...

I love New York!

I hope you rot in hell!

Bugger, bugger, bugger!

Son of a bitch!

You're a phony! A pederast! You're a sick hetero fuck!

I'm in. I'm in.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Okay, tomorrow we start working Connecticut.

Picker's speaking at a rally, and we ought to hit it at the same time.

He can't tomorrow. He's got to go to Brooklyn and meet with the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

What? Who the fuck decided that?

The Lubavitcher Rebbe. Can't win New York without him.

Hey, listen, Governor... Norman knows New York. It's his call.

Susan's right. You go to the rally. I better keep the appointment.

Thank you.

Thank you. Well, this is kind of overwhelming.

He's nervous now. He's the man now.

I didn't expect this.

To all the folks giving their blood in the back out there in the tents,

I want to thank them. I really do.

Would you all do me... Would you all do me a favor?

Just don't shout quite so loud.

Thank you.

- Thanks. Now, I... I... I really mean it. - We love you!

I... I wish everyone would just calm down a little.

And when I say "everyone," I mean, uh, the press,

and, uh, the TV crews and all my colleagues...

and all the folks who make a living advising my colleagues.

I think we need to calm down some.

You know, this is a terrific country.

But sometimes we go a little crazy.

And maybe that's part of our greatness, part of our freedom.

But if we don't watch out and calm down,

it all may just spin out of control.

You know, the world is getting more and more complicated.

And politicians have to explain things to you in simpler terms

so that they can get their little oversimplified explanations

on the evening news.

And eventually, instead of even trying to explain things,

they just give up and start slingin' mud at each other.

And it's all to keep you excited, keep you watchin',

like you watch, uh, a car wreck...

or a, uh, wrestlin' match.

As a matter of fact, that's exactly what it's like: professional wrestlin'.

It's... It's staged and it's fake,

and it doesn't mean anything.

And that goes for the debates.

We don't... We don't hate our opponents.

Hell, half the time we don't even know them.

But it seems it's the only way we know how to keep you all riled up.

So what I want to do with this campaign

is kind of quiet things down...

and start having a conversation...

about what sort of country we want this to be in the next century.

And I want Governor Stanton to know that I welcome him to this conversation.

Well, okay.

This show is all yours. You gentlemen know the rules.

No eye-gouging, no chair-tossing.

Three knockdowns, I come in to stop the bout.

I hope he don't lose it. Geraldo's gonna go after him, and Picker's very smooth.

He won't lose it. Frankly, folks, he doesn't have anything to lose.

...overshadows your entire campaign.

Is there any truth, any truth whatsoever, sir,

to the awful allegation that you are the father of a child by a teenage girl?

Oh, shit! No, it's good. It's out there.

Now, if Jack just keeps the answer short...

...that she's been influenced by all the publicity...

surrounding the phony Cashmere McLeod tapes.

Now, the family involved are good people. They're friends of mine.

I spoke with the father just before they went to an undisclosed location,

and he apologized for causing me so much trouble.

I think that's all we need to know, Jack. Don't you, folks?

Jesus Christ.

Picker actually saved him. I've never seen that before.

That's incredible. Maybe this is the first time.

Maybe Picker's an original, the real thing.

You know your problem, Hotchkiss? It's you got gallopin' T.B.

You don't mean tuberculosis, right? I mean true-believer-ism.

You talk like a pro, you act like a pro,

but inside, you're just like Libby,

who actually goes crazy when her candidate turns out not to be

the rock her church was built on.

Do you know in '78 she actually wore a button that said,

"I'm a Picker Person"...

and nose-dived when he quit the race?

Didn't even try to get the goods on why he was... Well, he told us why.

What? He wanted to stay home with his kids?

"I'd rather be dad than president?" Gimme a fuckin' break.

The race among Democratic contenders might be a toss-up.

Polls taken after the two men appeared on the Geraldo show indicate

that Governor Picker still has a substantial lead,

but there has been a remarkable five-percent increase for Governor Stanton.

Fuckin' Norman Asher.

...Stanton's appearance is attributed by many...

Thank you.

Hey, I'm just takin' a leave of absence.

I can't stick around and take orders from Norman Asher.

We're from different parts of the jungle.

Let him have his day. This thing's about gone anyway.

I can't believe this. Why?

Henry, I've been through this shit a hundred times.

That's what these guys do. They love you, and they stop lovin' ya.

But Stanton's different.

Yeah, he is different. He was worth it.

You take care of your ass, Hotchkiss.

I'll see you next time.

I'm very sorry about losing Daisy and Richard.

But we're all pros. We know these things happen.

I wanna talk about Picker,

something Richard said about Picker.

I wanna find out...

why did Picker quit in '78?

The only dirt I ever heard about Picker...

was a condo development named Clearwater Estates

where the state matched money for the county to build a connecting road.

And?

Nothing specific.

The project was being developed by a guy named Edgardo Reyes.

Edgardo Reyes is the brother of Antonia Reyes, who is...

Picker's former wife. Who else knows about this?

Anyone follow it up? Nope.

Well, Lib, let's go.

What?

- What? - I'm tryin' to decide.

Decide what? Whether I wanna do this for ya, you stupid shit.

I bust dust. I protect ya. I don't do in the opponent.

What the fuck is the difference?

All the difference in the world.

All the moral difference in the world.

I'm not too interested in tearin' ol' Freddy Picker down.

And if he's bent, if he's a crook? It'll out.

But when? Say he wins the nomination, and then it comes out.

Look at this. Look at this.

The results of the blood test Dr. Beauregard gave me.

Congratulations.

- I'm sure this'll help. - But it won't.

Libby, honey, you know it. It won't matter that my blood doesn't match Loretta's baby.

It won't matter that I can't be the father.

The only way it would matter is if I were the father,

because guilty is what's interesting.

Am I supposed to live by these rules and let Picker slide in on a special pass

because you were a Picker person in the 70's?

You mean "and justice for all"? That's a stupid fuckin' argument.

Okay, but this isn't. Picker could be guilty of fraud or a tax swindle.

If he used influence to help his brother-in-law, he's not fit to be president.

He could be a real shit.

Forget who you thought he was. Find out who he really is.

Get packed.

We're in limbo now, Henry.

We are outside the mainstream.

We are in purgatory. We are lost.

Libby, if you don't shut up,

I'm gonna kill myself.

We are testing our limits. We are in the pits.

'Member Limbo Rock? 'Member the words?

"How low can you go?"

Is there a reason we're meeting him in neo-Bwana Land instead of his office?

Two reasons. No recordin' devices.

And I've always wanted to see this hotel. Hmm. Yeah.

Yes, I had this business.

Yes, I hoped having the governor as brother-in-law...

would be an advantage.

But Mr. Righteous wouldn't cut me any slack.

We did Clearwater straight up.

It would be God's little joke if they nailed him for it anyway, wouldn't it?

Freddy didn't know you hired his wife and brother to get to him?

Know? Absolutely not.

Thank you, Mr. Reyes.

My friend and I are very grateful, more than we can say.

Know? What the fuck did he know?

He was half-stoned most of the time.

Stoned?

Oh, dear. I really said something I shouldn't, didn't I?

Saint Freddy's staffers don't like to hear that.

Stoned how?

Toot, toot, tootsie good-bye

You two look disappointed. You didn't know he was a fucking maricon cokehead?

Wait a minute. Coc... Cocaine. He loved the shit.

Hell, we all loved the shit, but he's the only one who's a candidate for sainthood.

I... I'm afraid that's a little hard to buy.

- I mean, it just doesn't fit. - Maybe not now.

Twenty years ago, almost everyone was doing everything. Right, Libby?

But where would Freddy score? How could he keep it quiet in the governor's mansion?

There was a guy.

There was a young guy. Lorenzo Delgado.

Upper-class Cuban. A lawyer.

He and the governor knew each other socially, so it was perfectly all right.

The joke is, Delgado just got out of prison,

and now lives in a halfway house in Hialeah.

And Saint Freddy is about to be president.

Yeah, that is a joke.

Must get a lot of laughs when you tell it at dinner parties.

I don't talk about Freddy.

I'm talking to you 'cause you're from his campaign.

It's just...

I'm not the only guy in town knows this.

Ah, he should have never gotten back into the game.

Now he'll go down.

This is America. You can bank on it.

Lorenzo Delgado.

On the porch. Through there.

Thank you.

Lorenzo? Right in there.

Thanks.

Mr. Delgado, we're here about Freddy Picker.

Sit down. Sit down.

Are you from the campaign?

I've been expecting you.

You can tell Freddy he has nothing to fear from me.

Nothing. Understand?

This happened after him.

I fucked my brains out in jail.

Not much else to do there.

There were so many boys who spent all day in the gym working on their bodies.

I like this porch.

I can't do it all the time. It depends on the weather.

It's strange.

My body temperature is always off one way or the other.

Too hot or too cold.

It's never just right.

Sometimes the tiniest breeze can set me off, shivering.

There's nothing I can do about it. I can't turn it off.

I just gotta let it ride.

So, are you Freddy's friend now?

You just knew it was gonna be good.

You just knew it was gonna be irresistible.

But this has every fucking thing.

Sex. Drugs. Corruption.

And none of it, none of it,

Henry, my man, is clear-cut venality.

It's all kind of human and awful and... sad.

Now we'll find out.

Find out what, Libby? We just found out.

Oh, don't play dumb with me, Henry. This is a test.

Of us and them.

Actually, of us and them and us again.

We passed the entrance exam. We got the dirt.

Now it's about them, Jack and Susan.

What are they gonna do with it?

Little buddy, isn't that what we're both after here?

I mean, after 25 years, I get to see what they're about.

Not just hypothesize. Not just hope.

This is it. Graduation day.

They graduate or I do.

Tell the truth, Henry. Isn't that what you're really after too?

Watch the road, Libby, goddamn it.

Isn't it?

Here, Governor, feast your eyes. You too, my lady.

Henry, a transcript of our tour.

This is... This is remarkable.

How on earth did he think he was gonna get away with this?

Now, now, what do we do with this?

The Times? No, the Wall Street Journal. More authoritative in a way.

Through an intermediary, someone not associated with the campaign.

I don't think so.

What do you mean? I don't think there's anything of use here.

You gotta be kiddin'.

It doesn't meet my standards.

What on earth do you mean?

I mean, madame, Henry and I don't think the use of this material is proper.

We have a moral objection. And I have a historical beef.

Aw, come on, Libby.

Why did you go out and get it if you weren't gonna use it?

'Cause Susan was right. He could've been a real shit.

I didn't think he would be, and he isn't. But he could've been.

But, Jackie, my dearest, you're off the fuckin' point.

The point is we don't do this sort of thing.

Oh, I'll be relentless bustin' dust and guardin' your ass.

I'd have even blown Randy Culligan's weenie off for ya.

Well, maybe I wouldn't have. But this is something else.

This is hurting someone else. This sucks.

You wanna know why this sucks?

Because you told me so.

'Member when, Jackie?

Let me refresh your memory.

Weren't they gorgeous, Henry?

- Yeah, but look at you. - You little shit.

I told you I used to have a waist.

Libby... Hush up. Don't ruin it.

Do you remember when this was? You don't, do you?

The Miami headquarters in '72. Yeah.

It was taken just after the convention.

I'll never forget that convention.

Libby, for christ sake, what are you doing? What's the point?

The point is Eagleton. 'Member, Jack?

I must've known you, what, two days then?

We hear that McGovern has chosen a vice president

who had electric shock treatments.

For the first time I considered the possibility

we might lose to that fuckbrain Nixon.

I mean, before that, I was absolutely convinced we would win.

Can you imagine, Henry? We were so fuckin' young.

And this one... He takes me out.

We go to this little open-air Cuban joint. 'Member, Jack?

I got my head in my hands. Life has ended.

I say, "They did it. The C.I.A. It had to be the C.I.A."

I couldn't believe that Tom Eagleton would really be a nutcase.

They had to have dragged him off and drugged him and made him crazy.

It couldn't have been that McGovern was a complete fucking amateur.

No, they did dirty tricks. I said, "We gotta get the same capability as the C.I.A."

'Member, Jack? "We gotta be able to do dirt too."

You said, "No. Our job is to end all that.

Our job is to make it clean.

Because if it's clean, we win.

Because our ideas are better."

You remember that, Jack?

That was a long time ago.

Libby, you said it yourself. We were young.

We didn't know how the world worked.

Now we know.

We know that if we don't move on this Picker situation, two things will happen:

The first is, we're dead. Everything we've worked for

since Miami 25 years ago dies, and fast.

The second thing that happens is someday very soon, when the romance dies,

when they've gotten sick of Freddie Picker's quiet, righteous act,

some enterprising journalist will stumble onto this.

If he doesn't, the Republicans will lead him to it on their timetable.

Next fall, it'll be another Eagleton.

It'll be our fault this time for letting it happen.

Your fault, Libby.

Honey, you may be right.

All of it may be right.

But we can't do it because it just ain't who we're supposed to be.

Maybe we could leak part of it, the Clearwater stuff.

We know the Republicans have that.

You don't think they're gonna have the rest any day now?

You think Reyes is only gonna tell this story once?

I'm sorry, Libby. There's just no discussion.

You're right. None.

Henry and me have decided this dies here.

I don't think so.

I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it does.

And here's why.

You know what this is?

Test results on Jack's blood, Uncle Charlie's blood taken over the years.

This is the blood test report Jack gave me that proves he's not the father

of Loretta McCollister's baby.

You know what, Jack? It's not your blood.

Isn't that a riot?

The blood sample Dr. Beauregard took was not from you.

It was from Uncle Charlie.

You sent him to have his blood tested in your place,

because you know good old Dr. Beauregard loves you and,

"Wants to teach those Yankees a lesson."

He's not gonna love you enough to lose his license, Jack.

Once he knows I have proof, he'll fold like a cheap accordion.

I know that won't prove you are the father of Loretta's baby.

In fact, I think you're not.

But it proves you thought you might be.

That proves you fucked her. That will kill your chances.

You would do that.

You would end his political career.

You see, Jack, she hasn't even heard.

She isn't even upset that you fucked your 17-year-old baby-sitter.

You know why? It's never the cheat who goes to hell.

It's always the one who he cheated on.

That's why you can still talk in that tenderhearted voice

about bein' in it for the folks.

And Susie here can only talk in that voice from hell about your political career.

What kind of shit is that? Excuse me, I forgot.

It's the same old shit. It's the shit no one ever calls you on ever.

Because you're so completely fucking special.

Because everyone was always so proud of you.

Me too. Me the worst.

It just makes it a whole lot easier for me.

It's totally depressing.

What have I been doing this for my whole pathetic fucking life?

So here's the deal:

If you move on Freddy Picker, who I think we all agree is a flawed but decent man,

I move on you.

Yes.

I will destroy this village in order to save it.

Henry, tomorrow we...

Is that for me?

No, darlin'.

Where are we?

We're just coming up to my beautiful condo by the river.

Hey, do you wanna come in for some coffee, booze, Diet Coke?

Not tonight.

Deliver this for me, will ya?

I'm not gonna use it.

You're giving them the blood test info, letting them off the hook?

Why not? Picker will go down anyway. We can't save him.

The whole point of this was to see if they'd turn him in, and they will.

They didn't even fuckin' hesitate.

So... that's that.

Let 'em swing, Libby. Let 'em sweat a little.

Oh, honey.

You see that moon?

That's me. It's beautiful, huh?

But, Henry,

it's only reflected light.

It needs the sun.

The Stantons are my sun.

I lived my life drawing light and warmth from them.

Without them, I'm bleak and cold

and airless for eternity.

You be careful, Henry.

You still have something of an atmosphere.

Find yourself a life, okay?

Okay.

Come here.

Go on now.

Try and get some sleep. You can find your way from here?

Oh, sure.

From here? There's only two ways you can go from here.

Bye, sweetie. Good night.

No! No. No.

Oh, God, no.

Hey, hey! No, she's a friend of mine.

She's a close friend of mine. Come on. Let me through.

It's okay.

It's all right.

A lot of us here today grew up with Libby Holden.

She was our friend.

She was our big sister.

She bullied us. She drove us crazy.

Worst of all, she remembered everything about us.

Everything we hoped to be.

Everything we wanted the world to be.

All those young promises made,

Libby remembered in the original wording.

Before she died, she wrote me a note.

It said,

"I am so fucking disappointed in you.

Shape up."

I am so sorry that I disappointed her.

I am so sorry I can't look at her and say

that I will promise to do better.

She lent us her courage and her warmth...

and her madness.

She...

She had the most amazing heart.

Long trip.

No press that I can see.

Not yet.

Follow me, Governor.

This is the only copy left. I want you to have it

because it might help to know what someone else may find.

I shouldn't have looked for it. I'm really sorry.

Fucking cocaine.

You know, I was so successful at everything I did.

In business, politics. Hell, I could handle anything.

Except cocaine.

Only, I didn't know that because of cocaine.

That's really what fucked up my marriage. It wasn't anything else.

And...

I did go to bed with 'Renzo once or twice.

Hell, it was just a coke thing.

I could do anything, so I did that too.

I'm seeing a really nice woman now.

I suppose I have to tell her.

Hell of a price to pay, isn't it?

Maybe no one will find out.

You did... in a day.

I should never have said yes to Mrs. Harris,

but I liked what Harris was doing, and I thought I'd give it a week.

Then it... It just took off.

Once I did that blood thing... That was great politics.

Yeah. Amazing, wasn't it?

Jack, I'd like to thank you for coming here

the honorable way you have.

I was wrong to stay in.

I just hope when I quit

maybe they won't hit it as hard.

My boys...

I really don't want them to know about 'Renzo.

But probably the bottom line is...

I'm gonna be a national joke.

And I'm gonna have to explain it all

to my boys, either way.

Because no matter what I do...

the press is still gonna find out

the rest of it, aren't they?

If they think it'll sell one newspaper, yes.

Oh, my God.

If there's anything I can do, anything that can make it a little better...

I can still hear the soft summer wind

In the live oak trees

And those Williams boys

They still mean a lot to me

Hank and Tennessee

I guess we're all gonna be what we're gonna be

So what do you do

With good ol' boys like me

You know, I love that song.

The line about the Williams boys.

It's never just Hank.

The picture ain't complete without ol' Tennessee.

Governor, I'm resigning from the campaign.

I don't accept your resignation.

Look, I just don't feel comfortable about this anymore.

About what? This...

This line of work.

I spoke to Richard. He's back on board.

I'm puttin' him in charge. Campaign manager.

Probably in the office now.

I'm bringing Daisy back too, if she'll come.

That's not what this is about. Then what is it?

Libby. Ah.

Libby's test. You flunked it.

But just now I passed it,

so which grade do I get, the high or the low?

If she hadn't died...

If she hadn't died, I'd have leaked the file

to someone, and I'd have felt bad about it.

But you know what? I would have been wrong not to do it.

What I did now, I did for Libby, but it wasn't right.

If Picker hadn't quit, he'd have won the nomination,

gone down and taken the party with him.

It was only a question of when. And how.

And who pushed him off the cliff when he was falling.

Those are fine points,

"how many angels can you fit on the head of a pin" points.

This is hardball.

You tellin' me you just discovered that you don't have the stomach for it?

I know you better than that. We spent too much time together.

This is it, Henry. This is the price you pay to lead.

You don't think Abraham Lincoln was a whore before he was a president?

He had to tell his stories

and smile his shit-eating, back-country grin.

He did it so he would one day have the opportunity

to stand in front of the nation

and appeal to "the better angels of our nature."

That's where the bullshit stops.

That's what it's all about.

So we have the opportunity to make the most of it, to do it the right way.

You know as well as I do there are plenty

of people playing this game that don't think that way.

They're willing to sell their souls, crawl through sewers,

lie to people, divide them, play on their worst fears,

for nothing, just for the prize.

I don't care.

I'm sorry, but I'm not comparing the players.

I don't like the game.

I wanna work for something small. Voter registration.

After everyone's registered, who will they vote for?

In the end, Henry, who can do this better than me?

Think about it. Is there anyone out there

with a chance to actually win this election

who'd do more for the people than I would?

Who'd even think about the folks I care about?

Oh, shit.

Aw, is that them? So quick?

That damn driver. I knew it. All right.

We'll go talk to them together. Come on.

Ah, don't shake your head.

We worked so hard together to get here.

It's there for us now. Right there.

We can do incredible things.

We can change this whole country.

I'm gonna win this thing,

and when I do, we're gonna make history.

Look me in the eye and tell me it's not gonna happen.

Look me in the eye and tell me

you don't wanna be part of it.

Jeez... Jesus, Henry.

You want me to get down on my knees?

I can't do without you. Don't leave me now.

You're still with me, aren't you?

Say you are. Say it. Say it.

Come on. Henry!

This is ridiculous! You gotta be with me!

Mr. President.

Now, don't break our hearts.

Mazel tov, Mr. President.