Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,618 --> 00:00:04,655
I thought you weren't allowed
to do electrical work.
2
00:00:04,679 --> 00:00:07,373
Oh, no, I'm not allowed
to legally call myself
3
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,023
an electrician, but in my own home,
4
00:00:10,048 --> 00:00:12,082
I can do as much subpar work as I want.
5
00:00:15,164 --> 00:00:16,867
He'll be right there!
6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,425
Hold your horses, Susan!
7
00:00:18,450 --> 00:00:20,570
I'm making freakin'
family memories here!
8
00:00:20,595 --> 00:00:21,695
- Mom.
- Sorry.
9
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,653
Susan's just a little, you know...
10
00:00:23,937 --> 00:00:25,691
Have a great time at practice!
11
00:00:25,716 --> 00:00:27,929
- I love you!
- Love you, too.
12
00:00:28,933 --> 00:00:30,593
So I think we need to talk
13
00:00:30,618 --> 00:00:32,289
about what happened on Thanksgiving.
14
00:00:32,314 --> 00:00:34,900
You mean the sex thing?
I blame the tryptophan.
15
00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:38,060
It probably gave me that
cute-sleepy-koala-bear look.
16
00:00:38,062 --> 00:00:39,640
It did.
17
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:41,966
But we cannot do it again, okay?
18
00:00:41,991 --> 00:00:43,984
I don't want things to
get muddled for Cash.
19
00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,898
- Or for me.
- Agreed.
20
00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:47,460
Won't happen again.
21
00:00:49,728 --> 00:00:52,375
Okay, if we're gonna do this,
22
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,898
it has to be just a holiday fling, okay?
23
00:00:54,923 --> 00:00:56,632
It'll all be done by New Year's.
24
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,015
And before you ask, American New Year's,
25
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,375
not Chinese.
26
00:01:00,568 --> 00:01:05,507
Oh, and we have to keep it casual,
so no strings.
27
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,955
Do you think you can do that?
28
00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:09,930
Am I okay with just having
sex and not doing any other
29
00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:11,937
relationship stuff I'm terrible at?
30
00:01:11,962 --> 00:01:12,962
Mm-hmm.
31
00:01:13,297 --> 00:01:14,430
Hell, yeah.
32
00:01:15,807 --> 00:01:18,493
Oh, fudge, we're gonna
be late for choir practice!
33
00:01:18,518 --> 00:01:21,353
Oh, and remember,
nobody can know about this.
34
00:01:21,378 --> 00:01:23,024
_
35
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,501
- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.
36
00:01:24,526 --> 00:01:26,719
- Hey, Jenny, you beat me here.
- What?
37
00:01:26,744 --> 00:01:28,384
No, I didn't. Wait, of course I did.
38
00:01:28,409 --> 00:01:29,805
- Wait, what?
- What? Yeah.
39
00:01:30,304 --> 00:01:32,491
Okay, everybody, um...
40
00:01:33,155 --> 00:01:34,391
Wow.
41
00:01:34,815 --> 00:01:37,727
We have this, but we don't have
a lock on the bathroom door?
42
00:01:37,752 --> 00:01:40,751
Oh, what a shock, Arthur is
the Grinch who hates Christmas.
43
00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:42,798
Such a shame,
'cause you look just like Santa.
44
00:01:42,823 --> 00:01:43,930
No, I love Christmas.
45
00:01:43,955 --> 00:01:46,040
I used to conduct a
sold-out Christmas concert
46
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,134
every year at Princeton.
47
00:01:47,159 --> 00:01:49,016
Oh, is that where you used to work?
48
00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:50,798
- I almost forgot.
- Yeah, Princeton.
49
00:01:50,823 --> 00:01:51,907
- Mm-hmm.
- Quick!
50
00:01:51,932 --> 00:01:53,180
Help me take this down.
51
00:01:53,205 --> 00:01:54,338
Okay, now we have to take it down.
52
00:01:54,362 --> 00:01:56,596
Can we trade it in for a
lock on the bathroom door?
53
00:01:56,621 --> 00:01:58,041
I just found out my parents are in town,
54
00:01:58,065 --> 00:01:59,126
and they're headed here.
55
00:01:59,151 --> 00:02:00,876
The idea of you having parents
56
00:02:00,901 --> 00:02:02,227
is somehow disorienting.
57
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,252
They're world-famous.
58
00:02:03,277 --> 00:02:04,438
His parents are missionaries,
59
00:02:04,463 --> 00:02:06,891
and when it comes to
religion, they're...
60
00:02:06,916 --> 00:02:08,734
What's the right way to say it?
61
00:02:08,759 --> 00:02:10,540
- Strict.
- Puritanical.
62
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:12,531
- Can we not say white?
- You can't.
63
00:02:12,556 --> 00:02:14,173
My parents are wonderful people,
64
00:02:14,198 --> 00:02:16,118
but they live by 1 John 2:15...
65
00:02:16,143 --> 00:02:18,790
"Do not love this world or
the things it offers you."
66
00:02:18,815 --> 00:02:20,580
I'm sorry, Santa...
I love everything about you,
67
00:02:20,604 --> 00:02:22,852
but my parents can't
see my secular side.
68
00:02:22,877 --> 00:02:24,266
I can't handle the judgment.
69
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:27,352
Well, they're the ones that should
be worried about judgment.
70
00:02:27,377 --> 00:02:30,211
Missionaries have no business
coming into populations
71
00:02:30,236 --> 00:02:33,305
and imposing their
supposedly superior values.
72
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:35,030
You mean like you do to us with music.
73
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,141
Nah, that's different.
I have taste. You don't.
74
00:02:37,166 --> 00:02:38,188
Taste this.
75
00:02:38,213 --> 00:02:40,181
Arthur, I've never kicked
anyone out of this church,
76
00:02:40,205 --> 00:02:41,845
but I think it would be best
if you go home for a while
77
00:02:41,869 --> 00:02:43,283
- and don't come back.
- Well, you can tell
78
00:02:43,307 --> 00:02:46,241
your imperialist missionary parents
79
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,584
that they can spread
the good word up my...
80
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:49,623
Jax.
81
00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:51,881
- Hello, son.
- Ass. I was gonna say "ass."
82
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,949
Mom, Dad!
83
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,342
It's such a blessing you're here.
84
00:02:56,367 --> 00:02:59,444
One that was sprung on me with
no time for mental preparation.
85
00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:01,991
Sorry for the short notice,
but we thought it might be nice
86
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,584
for you to spend some
time with your sister.
87
00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:06,018
Which one? Not Graciela.
88
00:03:06,043 --> 00:03:07,275
She's finishing up med school.
89
00:03:07,277 --> 00:03:08,984
Not Mishki. She's on her honeymoon.
90
00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:10,054
Wei-Lin?
91
00:03:10,079 --> 00:03:12,746
No, you have a new sister.
92
00:03:12,771 --> 00:03:14,898
Anjali.
93
00:03:18,984 --> 00:03:20,265
Wow.
94
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:22,616
Your parents definitely have a type.
95
00:03:31,702 --> 00:03:34,538
We found Anjali in the same orphanage
96
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:37,374
where we found you,
Jax, and just like then,
97
00:03:37,399 --> 00:03:40,719
we fell in love and had to
bring her into our family.
98
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,569
Can I read my Bible in the car?
99
00:03:43,594 --> 00:03:46,616
Just crack the windows so
the Holy Ghost can get in.
100
00:03:46,641 --> 00:03:49,047
- What a shy one.
- Aw.
101
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,647
Your church is so...
102
00:03:52,672 --> 00:03:53,897
cozy.
103
00:03:53,922 --> 00:03:55,647
Well, you're seeing it empty.
104
00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:57,806
I wish you could see it at a service.
105
00:03:57,831 --> 00:03:59,475
- It's so full...
- Yeah...
106
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,249
- of people...
- Mm...
107
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,663
Because I'm a good minister.
108
00:04:02,688 --> 00:04:04,796
I assume choir practice is off.
109
00:04:04,821 --> 00:04:06,929
I'm just get out of here
before I get adopted.
110
00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:09,639
That's Dr. Arthur Cochran...
111
00:04:09,664 --> 00:04:11,725
Our choir director
and resident quipster.
112
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,124
Ha ha, Arthur. Bye!
113
00:04:14,149 --> 00:04:16,716
Were we just in the presence
of the Arthur Cochran,
114
00:04:16,741 --> 00:04:18,350
the... the famous conductor?
115
00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:19,874
Throw in "rumpled" and "handsome,"
116
00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:21,663
and, yes, you would be correct.
117
00:04:21,688 --> 00:04:24,505
- Hi.
- We are such huge fans.
118
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:25,569
Well, thank you.
119
00:04:25,594 --> 00:04:27,577
Your Princeton Chamber Choir recording
120
00:04:27,602 --> 00:04:29,868
of Handel's "Messiah" was exulting.
121
00:04:29,893 --> 00:04:31,148
Well, actually, "The New York Times"
122
00:04:31,172 --> 00:04:32,483
used the word "revelatory,"
123
00:04:32,508 --> 00:04:34,047
but let's not get
caught up in semantics.
124
00:04:34,071 --> 00:04:35,237
"Exulting" will do.
125
00:04:35,262 --> 00:04:36,265
You know what I'm gonna do for you?
126
00:04:36,289 --> 00:04:38,007
I've got some 8x10s in my bag.
127
00:04:38,032 --> 00:04:39,522
I keep 'em handy for fans like you.
128
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,013
- Oh.
- Whoop.
129
00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:44,093
- Oh, no.
- Jax.
130
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:46,335
A Santa Claus in a church?
131
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,014
Well, we have a lot of families here.
132
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:50,389
- And the kids love it.
- Yeah, of course they do.
133
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:55,218
But only God can give you the
true gift of everlasting life.
134
00:04:55,243 --> 00:04:56,999
Thank goodness Anjali didn't see this.
135
00:04:57,024 --> 00:05:00,218
Okay, who should I make this
out to... is it Luke?
136
00:05:00,243 --> 00:05:03,116
It's fans like you that
make stars like me.
137
00:05:03,141 --> 00:05:05,041
- How about that?
- Excuse me, I'll just...
138
00:05:07,086 --> 00:05:08,936
- Oh. You okay, Jax?
- Yes.
139
00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:12,311
Amen!
140
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:17,007
Oh, hey, Jenny, do you still
need me to swing by later
141
00:05:17,032 --> 00:05:18,608
and install that, uh...
142
00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:20,655
- Please don't say "pipe."
- Pipe.
143
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,811
Yeah, okay, I'll bring my toolbox.
144
00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:26,514
So how long have you
two been hooking up?
145
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,905
What? Oh, no, that's crazy.
146
00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:29,930
Is it?
147
00:05:30,436 --> 00:05:31,991
Okay, fine. How did you know?
148
00:05:32,016 --> 00:05:33,215
I have a sixth sense.
149
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,967
I know when stuff is gonna happen.
150
00:05:34,992 --> 00:05:36,672
Like, I knew the ending
of "The Sixth Sense."
151
00:05:36,696 --> 00:05:38,351
Please, just don't make
a big thing out of this.
152
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:40,442
I won't, but you have to tell me why.
153
00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,241
I don't know.
154
00:05:42,266 --> 00:05:45,334
Sneaking around is
kind of hot, you know?
155
00:05:45,359 --> 00:05:47,613
I mean, it reminds me of
when we were in high school
156
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:50,429
and my parents thought
Wayne was a stone-cold loser
157
00:05:50,454 --> 00:05:52,421
just 'cause he was on unemployment.
158
00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:55,413
You have grown since then.
159
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,555
Wayne has not.
160
00:05:56,580 --> 00:05:58,257
Isn't that why you
wanted to divorce him?
161
00:05:58,282 --> 00:05:59,350
We're just having fun.
162
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:00,708
It'll all be over by New Year's.
163
00:06:00,733 --> 00:06:02,312
I just... I need to get him
out of my system.
164
00:06:02,336 --> 00:06:05,460
Ugh, like a bad taco or
a blood-borne illness.
165
00:06:05,493 --> 00:06:07,687
- It sounds fun.
- Shh.
166
00:06:08,429 --> 00:06:11,288
This is so much better than
the food we had in Indonesia.
167
00:06:11,313 --> 00:06:13,539
We ate so much Sbarro's there.
168
00:06:13,564 --> 00:06:15,225
I'll be right back.
169
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,949
Oh, milk.
170
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:21,546
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, tiger.
171
00:06:21,571 --> 00:06:23,438
I love having my parents in town,
172
00:06:23,463 --> 00:06:24,655
but they're so successful.
173
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,343
I can't help but feeling
like a loser around them.
174
00:06:27,368 --> 00:06:29,975
You're not a loser.
You got a lot going for you.
175
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,468
Number one... you know me,
and your parents love me.
176
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,186
Watch this.
177
00:06:35,211 --> 00:06:38,046
Hey, guys, how's lunch going?
Can I get you anything?
178
00:06:38,071 --> 00:06:41,116
Maybe, uh, I don't know,
a selfie with a famous conductor?
179
00:06:41,516 --> 00:06:42,608
Are there any around?
180
00:06:42,633 --> 00:06:45,163
Oh, wait, that's right. Me!
181
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:47,685
That would be such a treat.
182
00:06:47,710 --> 00:06:49,124
You know, I'm sure the real treat
183
00:06:49,149 --> 00:06:50,578
would be for you to watch me conduct.
184
00:06:50,602 --> 00:06:52,664
I'm so sorry you won't be here
for our Christmas concert.
185
00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:54,569
Oh, we could have had
the live broadcast.
186
00:06:54,594 --> 00:06:56,585
Our two million YouTube subscribers
187
00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:58,522
- would have loved that.
- Two million?
188
00:06:58,547 --> 00:07:00,639
Yes, but, sadly, we are boarding
189
00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:02,452
- a plane for Thailand on Saturday.
- Aw.
190
00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:04,477
Well, that's ridiculous.
191
00:07:04,502 --> 00:07:06,003
We can j... we'll move the concert up.
192
00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:07,491
We'll just do it on Friday, right?
193
00:07:07,516 --> 00:07:08,843
- Could we?
- Yes!
194
00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:11,069
Then you can see the
church packed to capacity.
195
00:07:11,094 --> 00:07:13,382
- Oh, wonderful.
- Friday it is.
196
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,546
Are you insane?
197
00:07:15,571 --> 00:07:17,475
That's the night of the big UK game.
198
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,788
Everyone'll be watching.
The church'll be empty.
199
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,758
Yeah, I think I'm coming
down with something.
200
00:07:22,782 --> 00:07:24,304
I don't think I can be there either.
201
00:07:24,329 --> 00:07:25,662
My parents want to see a concert,
202
00:07:25,687 --> 00:07:27,242
and you are not going
to disappoint them.
203
00:07:27,266 --> 00:07:30,067
So you will show up,
and you will like it!
204
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:33,742
Wow, you really went Full
Metal Cardigan there,
205
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:34,943
didn't you?
206
00:07:35,468 --> 00:07:37,202
How are we gonna find
100 people who don't want
207
00:07:37,204 --> 00:07:38,264
to watch the UK game?
208
00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:39,295
They can DVR it.
209
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,406
Everyone knows the game is so
much more exciting to watch
210
00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:43,733
after it's ended and you know
the score from social media.
211
00:07:43,758 --> 00:07:45,219
Who cares about the
people in the church?
212
00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:47,343
There'll be over two million
people around the world
213
00:07:47,368 --> 00:07:48,413
watching it on YouTube.
214
00:07:48,438 --> 00:07:50,827
- Two million people?
- Well, that's amazing.
215
00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:52,725
No, no celebrating yet. You still suck.
216
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,249
We don't even have an audience.
217
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:57,008
Brains, brawn, you're in charge
of getting butts in the seats.
218
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:59,561
I'm sorry... when I get stressed,
I lose my filter.
219
00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:01,219
Okay, shall we dive in?
220
00:08:01,244 --> 00:08:02,744
You heard the man. Focus.
221
00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:05,102
We need to practice 24-7
and find an audience
222
00:08:05,127 --> 00:08:06,794
the other 24-7.
223
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,259
This schedule's gonna cut into our fun.
224
00:08:09,284 --> 00:08:11,217
We found out a way to have
sex on our class field trip
225
00:08:11,219 --> 00:08:13,763
to Abraham Lincoln's birthplace...
we can do this.
226
00:08:13,788 --> 00:08:15,722
- I still have that hat.
- I still have that beard.
227
00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,911
Ginny, Wayne! Pay attention!
228
00:08:18,366 --> 00:08:19,366
Carla!
229
00:08:19,391 --> 00:08:20,668
Stop hitting those chimes!
230
00:08:20,693 --> 00:08:22,713
They're for "Carol of the Bells."
231
00:08:22,764 --> 00:08:24,452
Carla, don't just stand there!
232
00:08:24,477 --> 00:08:25,804
Hit those chimes!
233
00:08:25,829 --> 00:08:28,054
♪ Hark how the bells,
sweet silver bells ♪
234
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:30,413
♪ All seem to say, throw cares away ♪
235
00:08:30,438 --> 00:08:32,772
♪ Christmas is here,
bringing good cheer ♪
236
00:08:32,774 --> 00:08:35,132
♪ To young and old, meek and the bold ♪
237
00:08:35,157 --> 00:08:37,120
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,
that is their song ♪
238
00:08:37,145 --> 00:08:39,772
♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪
239
00:08:39,797 --> 00:08:42,100
♪ One seems to hear,
words of good cheer ♪
240
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,325
♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪
241
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,608
♪ Oh, how they pound,
raising the sound ♪
242
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,932
♪ O'er hill and dale,
telling their tale ♪
243
00:08:48,957 --> 00:08:51,124
♪ Gaily they ring while people sing ♪
244
00:08:51,126 --> 00:08:52,398
- ♪ Songs of good cheer ♪
- Be better!
245
00:08:52,422 --> 00:08:53,423
♪ Christmas is here ♪
246
00:08:53,447 --> 00:08:55,858
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪
247
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,208
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪
248
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,632
♪ On, on they send, on without end ♪
249
00:09:00,657 --> 00:09:02,891
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
250
00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:05,216
♪ Hark how the bells,
sweet silver bells ♪
251
00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:07,575
♪ All seem to say, throw cares away ♪
252
00:09:07,609 --> 00:09:09,905
♪ Christmas is here,
bringing good cheer ♪
253
00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:12,249
♪ To young and old, meek and the bold ♪
254
00:09:12,274 --> 00:09:14,507
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong,
that is their song ♪
255
00:09:14,532 --> 00:09:16,966
♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪
256
00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:19,258
♪ One seems to hear,
words of good cheer ♪
257
00:09:19,287 --> 00:09:21,530
♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪
258
00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,850
♪ Oh, how they pound,
raising the sound ♪
259
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,099
♪ O'er hill and dale,
telling their tale ♪
260
00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:28,438
♪ Gaily they ring while people sing ♪
261
00:09:28,463 --> 00:09:30,708
♪ Songs of good cheer,
Christmas is here ♪
262
00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:33,166
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪
263
00:09:33,168 --> 00:09:35,616
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪
264
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,042
♪ On, on they send, on without end ♪
265
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:40,546
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
266
00:09:40,571 --> 00:09:42,905
♪ On, on they send on without end ♪
267
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:47,924
♪ Their joyful tone to every home ♪
268
00:09:47,949 --> 00:09:52,439
♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong ♪
269
00:09:52,464 --> 00:09:55,431
♪ Bom ♪
270
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,293
What, you have a fly, right?
271
00:10:01,418 --> 00:10:02,410
Hey.
272
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,449
Hi, there.
273
00:10:03,474 --> 00:10:07,965
Um, we like to pray in the supply closet
274
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:11,762
'cause, you know...
Jesus was a carpenter.
275
00:10:11,787 --> 00:10:12,787
Ah.
276
00:10:14,606 --> 00:10:16,619
- Mom and Dad.
- Oh, hi, sweetheart.
277
00:10:16,644 --> 00:10:17,887
We are going to a fundraiser,
278
00:10:17,912 --> 00:10:19,845
and I wonder if you could
watch Anjali for a bit.
279
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:22,392
- She's slow to warm up, but...
- Of course.
280
00:10:22,417 --> 00:10:26,085
It'll be fun to connect with
someone 30 years younger.
281
00:10:26,087 --> 00:10:27,220
Hey.
282
00:10:27,222 --> 00:10:30,423
Everyone is so excited about
this concert on Friday.
283
00:10:30,425 --> 00:10:32,425
I was thinking, at the risk
of blowing out the Internet,
284
00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:35,061
maybe I should record
a promo for the fans.
285
00:10:35,063 --> 00:10:36,723
You mean build a little buzz?
286
00:10:36,748 --> 00:10:38,338
- Yeah.
- Rolling.
287
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:40,605
Hello, I'm Dr. Arthur Cochran,
288
00:10:40,630 --> 00:10:44,285
and I want you to tune into our
Christmas concert this Friday.
289
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,683
It's doctor's orders!
290
00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:48,285
Fantastic. Nice take.
291
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:49,752
It's not a take. It's a gift.
292
00:10:49,777 --> 00:10:51,418
- See ya later.
- See ya.
293
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:54,707
So you want to watch your
big brother sing in a choir?
294
00:10:57,419 --> 00:10:58,419
Okay.
295
00:10:59,787 --> 00:11:02,021
Cash! You're a child.
296
00:11:02,023 --> 00:11:03,723
Anjali's a child, too.
297
00:11:03,725 --> 00:11:05,691
Why don't you two go play in my office?
298
00:11:05,693 --> 00:11:08,277
- Actually, I...
- Wouldn't want to disappoint God?
299
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:17,603
Can I try?
300
00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:18,943
I mean, I guess.
301
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:21,384
It's kind of complicated, though.
302
00:11:24,007 --> 00:11:27,008
Did you just make a pipe
bomb out of a sneaker?
303
00:11:27,263 --> 00:11:29,130
I didn't know you could do that.
304
00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:31,880
- How do I get one of these?
- I don't know.
305
00:11:31,905 --> 00:11:33,950
- Ask Santa.
- Who?
306
00:11:34,155 --> 00:11:36,193
You don't know who Santa is?
307
00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:38,880
I'm about to blow your mind.
308
00:11:40,013 --> 00:11:42,410
Athanasios, you like music.
309
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,064
Come to the Christmas concert on Friday.
310
00:11:45,066 --> 00:11:47,161
Ah. No, thank you.
311
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,989
A little less second-grade teacher,
312
00:11:50,014 --> 00:11:51,814
a little more "Godfather."
313
00:11:51,839 --> 00:11:54,294
Make him an offer he can't refuse.
314
00:11:54,319 --> 00:11:57,120
- Hey, isn't your family in town?
- They are.
315
00:11:57,153 --> 00:11:59,445
Bring them to the concert,
and I'll give you a day off.
316
00:11:59,447 --> 00:12:03,269
Throw in Greek Easter and my
yia-yia's birthday, and I'm in.
317
00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:05,489
- You drive a hard bargain.
- Hmm.
318
00:12:07,384 --> 00:12:08,513
He should've held out.
319
00:12:08,538 --> 00:12:10,435
I was gonna give him health insurance.
320
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:13,193
I am so excited about this concert.
321
00:12:13,218 --> 00:12:15,833
I just hope I can whip the
choir into shape by Friday.
322
00:12:15,858 --> 00:12:18,614
- Ask Santa for help.
- What?
323
00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:19,872
Santa? Who's that?
324
00:12:19,897 --> 00:12:21,978
- No one, that's who.
- You've never heard of Santa?
325
00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:23,003
He's just like Jesus,
326
00:12:23,028 --> 00:12:25,048
but he rewards people who
behave righteously with toys.
327
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:27,156
Interesting... They are kind of similar,
328
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,985
aside from the obvious
weight difference.
329
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:31,702
No, he's nothing like Jesus, okay?
330
00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:33,983
- So did you two have fun?
- So much fun.
331
00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:35,256
I learned about Santa.
332
00:12:35,281 --> 00:12:36,767
He's gonna bring me
this game called "Murder Car,"
333
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,579
where you kill people and
then steal their cars.
334
00:12:38,603 --> 00:12:40,625
There's also prostitutes.
335
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:42,469
What? What can I talk about?
336
00:12:42,494 --> 00:12:45,711
Jax... sweetheart,
your brother has led you astray.
337
00:12:49,109 --> 00:12:50,186
That was so fun,
338
00:12:50,211 --> 00:12:52,711
I am not even gonna eat degree
my feelings about it later.
339
00:12:52,736 --> 00:12:55,172
That's good, 'cause Dwayne
only eats rabbit food.
340
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,092
Ew, gross!
341
00:12:58,126 --> 00:12:59,883
I thought you gave up chewing tobacco.
342
00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:01,775
- Oh.
- Oh.
343
00:13:06,651 --> 00:13:07,975
That's my birthstone.
344
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,164
Mm-hmm.
345
00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:11,905
What happened to no strings?
346
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:15,074
Yeah, see,
I don't think I can do no strings,
347
00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:16,883
especially with you,
348
00:13:17,082 --> 00:13:19,389
'cause I never wanted
to break our strings.
349
00:13:19,414 --> 00:13:20,688
Whoa.
350
00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:22,641
I need to think about this.
351
00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:24,055
I understand. It's a lot.
352
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,446
- Mm-hmm.
- I'll take 'em back.
353
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,969
Whoa, no. You just gave 'em to me.
354
00:13:26,994 --> 00:13:29,039
- No backsies.
- They're real, too.
355
00:13:29,064 --> 00:13:31,231
They won't turn your
ear green or nothing.
356
00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:36,205
So, Barb,
what are you doing this Friday?
357
00:13:36,711 --> 00:13:38,555
I'm going to the Wildcats
game, obviously.
358
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:41,446
It would mean a lot if you
came to the Christmas concert.
359
00:13:42,861 --> 00:13:46,095
- Can I have a solo?
- You're not in the choir.
360
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,422
- Can I be in the choir?
- Um...
361
00:13:49,722 --> 00:13:51,860
If you bring three friends, sure.
362
00:13:51,885 --> 00:13:52,930
All right.
363
00:13:53,603 --> 00:13:57,055
Ah, please tell me Wayne
didn't buy you those earrings.
364
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,493
He's a new man.
365
00:13:58,518 --> 00:14:01,051
They're the first gift he gave
me that I don't have to feed.
366
00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:03,344
You know Wayne better than I do.
367
00:14:03,369 --> 00:14:05,869
- Mm-hmm.
- So you'd know how a man
368
00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:07,578
who tries to pay his tab in snake eggs
369
00:14:07,603 --> 00:14:09,391
would be able to afford fancy earrings.
370
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:12,118
I don't have to ask. I trust him.
371
00:14:12,355 --> 00:14:16,141
Trust him enough to still
have a joint bank account?
372
00:14:24,383 --> 00:14:26,136
Son of a B!
373
00:14:28,419 --> 00:14:29,939
Where's Mom and Dad?
374
00:14:29,964 --> 00:14:32,165
They're in the back recording
a sermon for YouTube.
375
00:14:32,197 --> 00:14:34,361
I'm sure it's "prodigal son" related.
376
00:14:35,611 --> 00:14:37,767
You sure love the Bible, don't you?
377
00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:38,986
Well, we move around a lot.
378
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,618
It's one thing I can always count on.
379
00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:42,581
It's not easy bouncing
around all the time.
380
00:14:43,036 --> 00:14:45,241
I used to sneak away and watch movies.
381
00:14:45,243 --> 00:14:47,076
You should've seen
the look on Dad's face
382
00:14:47,078 --> 00:14:49,545
when he caught me watching
"If Rosemary had Baptized her Baby,
383
00:14:49,547 --> 00:14:51,180
None of This Would've Happened."
384
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,249
I used to love watching movies.
385
00:14:53,251 --> 00:14:55,385
I watched them all the
time back in India.
386
00:14:55,387 --> 00:14:56,552
What was your favorite?
387
00:14:56,554 --> 00:14:57,954
Anything with Priyanka Chopra.
388
00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:00,200
- I love her.
- Her Bollywood stuff.
389
00:15:00,225 --> 00:15:01,548
Not the lifeguard movie called
390
00:15:01,573 --> 00:15:03,900
"Running Around in Red
Swimsuits is a Sin."
391
00:15:04,407 --> 00:15:06,195
Would it be all right
if I tousled your hair?
392
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,559
- I'd rather you didn't.
- And that's why I asked.
393
00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:14,137
That was nice.
Except for that hair tousle.
394
00:15:14,139 --> 00:15:15,712
That was weird. It felt weird.
395
00:15:15,737 --> 00:15:17,056
Yeah, it creeped me out.
396
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,493
Do you think my parents will get mad
397
00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:21,204
about the whole movie thing?
398
00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:24,730
What, you connected with her.
You... you made her smile.
399
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,753
Isn't that what church is all about?
400
00:15:26,778 --> 00:15:28,614
Could you repeat that
when my parents are around
401
00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:31,308
so they know I successfully
ministered to an atheist?
402
00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:33,500
Jax, forget about what
your parents think.
403
00:15:33,821 --> 00:15:35,824
This is your church.
404
00:15:36,162 --> 00:15:39,463
You need to think about how
you want to reach people.
405
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:43,120
We have 24 hours before the concert.
406
00:15:43,427 --> 00:15:46,425
What do you say...
you want to Jax it up a little bit?
407
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:49,238
Maybe, but it'll still be
to an empty church.
408
00:15:49,263 --> 00:15:51,738
You worry about the music.
I'll worry about the crowd.
409
00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:54,264
Actually, I'll worry about
the music and the crowd.
410
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,035
Can someone take this?
411
00:15:56,060 --> 00:15:58,425
I don't want to be seen
with a big pair of scissors.
412
00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:01,097
People project aggression
onto men of my stature.
413
00:16:01,122 --> 00:16:02,652
Don't pass them to me.
414
00:16:02,677 --> 00:16:03,895
I can't look my friends in the eye
415
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,352
knowing I cut off the UK game.
416
00:16:05,385 --> 00:16:06,770
Come on, give it to me.
The only thing people
417
00:16:06,794 --> 00:16:08,586
project on me is privilege.
418
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:12,947
Remember, after all, this is for Jax.
419
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,204
It's this one right here.
420
00:16:14,769 --> 00:16:17,867
I appreciate you making such
a huge sacrifice for a friend.
421
00:16:17,892 --> 00:16:19,109
What sacrifice?
422
00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:20,274
This is the Internet connection
423
00:16:20,298 --> 00:16:21,397
as well as the cable.
424
00:16:21,422 --> 00:16:23,664
You're cutting off our chances
to broadcast the concert
425
00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:24,898
on YouTube.
426
00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:28,367
Torn between a return to relevance
427
00:16:28,392 --> 00:16:29,890
and helping a weirdo in a cardigan
428
00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:32,049
who I didn't even know four months ago.
429
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,203
He looks really cute in
that cardigan, though.
430
00:16:34,228 --> 00:16:35,827
Damn it.
431
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,312
He does.
432
00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:39,328
Let's go!
433
00:16:39,353 --> 00:16:40,742
- Go, go!
- Got it.
434
00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:48,827
There you are.
435
00:16:48,852 --> 00:16:50,391
Did you take money
from our joint account
436
00:16:50,415 --> 00:16:51,842
to buy those earrings?
437
00:16:51,867 --> 00:16:53,023
Part of it, yeah,
438
00:16:53,048 --> 00:16:55,251
but then the rest I invested
in my buddy Dookie's business.
439
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,536
I can't believe I thought you changed.
440
00:16:57,561 --> 00:16:59,594
This is something the
old Wayne would've done,
441
00:16:59,596 --> 00:17:02,064
and in case you forgot,
he's the one I'm divorcing.
442
00:17:02,066 --> 00:17:03,719
It's a can't-miss.
443
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:05,744
He's turning Tracy Chapman lyrics
444
00:17:05,769 --> 00:17:08,359
into inspirational towels.
445
00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:11,648
Take these back.
446
00:17:12,296 --> 00:17:13,389
I think it's best we start
447
00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:15,477
our New Year's resolution
early this year.
448
00:17:15,479 --> 00:17:16,945
Oh, but, Jenny...
449
00:17:16,947 --> 00:17:19,140
Tracy Chapman's never been hotter.
450
00:17:19,165 --> 00:17:20,598
This is her year.
451
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:23,633
Look at this crowd.
452
00:17:23,658 --> 00:17:25,591
We haven't had this many
people since Google Maps
453
00:17:25,616 --> 00:17:28,492
accidentally listed us as a
"Second First Churros."
454
00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:31,586
What is Barb doing here?
455
00:17:31,611 --> 00:17:34,239
Oh, she's in the choir now,
and she has a solo.
456
00:17:34,264 --> 00:17:36,601
- What?
- Go with it.
457
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,406
Good evening, everyone!
458
00:17:39,431 --> 00:17:41,554
Welcome to The Second First
Church of the Cumberlands.
459
00:17:41,579 --> 00:17:45,617
I, of course, am world-renowned
choir director Dr. Arthur Cochran.
460
00:17:45,642 --> 00:17:47,375
I have worked with bigger choirs.
461
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,200
I have worked with better choirs.
462
00:17:49,225 --> 00:17:50,557
But I have never worked with a choir
463
00:17:50,581 --> 00:17:53,367
that has made me so happy,
and that is because of one man...
464
00:17:53,392 --> 00:17:55,098
Our Reverend Jax. Give him a hand.
465
00:17:57,246 --> 00:18:00,489
So, this year, we're celebrating
Christmas his way.
466
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,295
And apparently anyone
is allowed to join.
467
00:18:05,059 --> 00:18:08,897
♪ Joy to the world, the Lord has come ♪
468
00:18:08,899 --> 00:18:13,299
♪ Let Earth receive her King ♪
469
00:18:13,324 --> 00:18:14,324
♪ Yeah ♪
470
00:18:14,349 --> 00:18:17,593
You guys! It's a Bollywood Christmas!
471
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:20,691
♪ Joy to the World ♪
472
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:24,656
♪ The Lord has come ♪
473
00:18:24,681 --> 00:18:26,699
- ♪ Let Earth ♪
- ♪ Let Earth ♪
474
00:18:26,724 --> 00:18:28,724
- ♪ Receive ♪
- ♪ Receive ♪
475
00:18:28,749 --> 00:18:29,839
♪ Her King! ♪
476
00:18:29,864 --> 00:18:32,731
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
477
00:18:32,756 --> 00:18:36,753
♪ Let every heart ♪
478
00:18:36,778 --> 00:18:40,753
♪ Prepare Him room ♪
479
00:18:40,778 --> 00:18:45,314
♪ You better watch out,
you better not cry ♪
480
00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:48,580
♪ You better not pout,
I'm telling you why ♪
481
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,886
- ♪ And Heaven ♪
- ♪ And Heaven ♪
482
00:18:50,911 --> 00:18:57,192
♪ And Heaven and Nature sing ♪
483
00:18:57,217 --> 00:19:01,727
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town! ♪
484
00:19:01,752 --> 00:19:05,120
♪ Joy to the world, joy to the world! ♪
485
00:19:05,122 --> 00:19:11,683
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
486
00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,409
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
487
00:19:13,434 --> 00:19:17,743
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
488
00:19:17,768 --> 00:19:21,269
♪ Joy to the world, joy to the world ♪
489
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:25,738
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
490
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:29,222
Don't forget...
Keep the Christ in Christmas.
491
00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:33,949
♪ Santa Claus is coming ♪
492
00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:35,855
♪ To town ♪
493
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:42,620
♪ Joy to the world ♪
494
00:19:53,237 --> 00:19:56,370
That service was awesome!
Is it always like this?
495
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:57,395
We try.
496
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,230
Next week I'll be improv'ing my sermon.
497
00:19:59,255 --> 00:20:02,081
Like, I'll ask for a place,
and someone will yell, "Heaven!"
498
00:20:02,106 --> 00:20:04,206
And then I'll, like,
riff for 30 to 40 minutes.
499
00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:05,871
I'll be back for that.
500
00:20:06,552 --> 00:20:10,814
So, uh, I know my service
was a little, uh...
501
00:20:10,839 --> 00:20:12,798
- ... unorthodox.
- Unorthodox
502
00:20:12,823 --> 00:20:14,315
uncouth, uncalled for...
503
00:20:14,340 --> 00:20:17,436
But you did get Anjali
to come out of her shell.
504
00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:19,104
So you must be doing something right.
505
00:20:19,129 --> 00:20:21,464
Boy, I'll say.
That service was so moving,
506
00:20:21,489 --> 00:20:23,518
it almost caused me to doubt my atheism.
507
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,971
I'm kidding. Merry Christmas.
508
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:29,370
I, uh... I thought about what you said,
509
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,526
and, uh, I'm gonna go
to the bank tomorrow
510
00:20:31,551 --> 00:20:32,717
and open up my own account.
511
00:20:32,742 --> 00:20:35,898
Oh, well, thank you,
but that doesn't change anything.
512
00:20:35,923 --> 00:20:37,322
I know.
513
00:20:37,347 --> 00:20:40,040
I also started a college fund for Cash.
514
00:20:40,065 --> 00:20:41,167
With what money?
515
00:20:41,192 --> 00:20:43,295
Well, it turns out that Costco
516
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:44,886
picked up Dookie's towels.
517
00:20:44,888 --> 00:20:47,815
We made our investment back
plus a little something extra.
518
00:20:48,392 --> 00:20:51,727
Well, I guess it is
Tracy Chapman's year.
519
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:54,049
Sure is. Look at us.
520
00:20:54,074 --> 00:20:56,608
We made it through this
no strings attached.
521
00:20:58,168 --> 00:21:00,862
There is one tiny string.
522
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,738
I might be pregnant.
523
00:21:06,253 --> 00:21:07,573
Well...
524
00:21:08,748 --> 00:21:12,190
Cash won't be happy that half his $38
525
00:21:12,215 --> 00:21:14,849
is going into the baby's account, but...
526
00:21:16,153 --> 00:21:17,378
It's only right.
39336
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
