Original subtitles

- How's the baby thing coming?

- Nothing yet.

What are the odds two latinos can't get pregnant?

We're gonna go see a specialist.

Get some fertility drugs.

- You know a woman in Houston did that,

and she had septuplets.

- Septuplets, holy shit.

- Yeah.

- How many is it?

- Seven.

- Seven holy shit.

- Yeah each of them weighed 18 ounces.

- I eat steaks bigger than that.

- Psst, 7 'o clock.

I get first shot.

Morning deer.

- I thought it was on vibrate.

Hello. - Louis.

- I'm sure he'll be here any minute.

- He's got the truck mom.

It wouldn't kill you to go somewhere without him.

- I go lots of places without him.

- Right.

- All right let's just go.

Lance get off the rv we're leaving.

Come on.

- Trying to figure out where to put the dish.

- We're not getting a satellite dish.

- Ah come on mom they're free.

- Nothing's free Lance.

Now get down before you break your neck.

- There it is, man oh man.

- Oh not this grace land shit again.

Cyrus rockford is not the king.

- He's the king around here.

Called Presley Tennessee.

- Well rockford ain't exactly Memphis.

You think he's really dead and people are just pretending

he's alive.

- Elvis?

- Cyrus.

- That is such a ridiculous rumor.

- Yeah but no one's seen the guy in years.

I mean isn't that strange?

- Yeah of course it's strange.

Maybe he's got one of those Howard Hugh things going on.

- All that money must just rot your brain.

- Oh shit.

- Would you stop that?

It's getting old.

- You get a much closer view through this thing.

Oh yeah.

- Quit it perv.

- Thank you buddy. - Yep.

- I'm sorry hun,

I lost track of the time.

- Yeah I know hunting is Glenn time,

but you really need to-- - I texted you.

- Yeah I know you texted me

when the game was over.

- Hey did we win?

- 13, nine.

Kieth recorded it.

- All right.

Well I can watch it back later.

- I drew a bath for you.

- It's Sunday honey.

Supposed to be a day of rest.

And you know you're not supposed to call me

when we're hunting.

- But I'm in the middle of my cycle.

My eggs are ready.

- So are mine.

- Didn't you have breakfast this morning?

- Yeah about two hours ago.

I mean it's almost

lunch.

I feel like a piece of meat.

- I'm hungry.

Ooh oh there he is.

- I was thinking since we're not going to break up

in the next three weeks,

why do we have to wait?

- We've been going out for over 11 months kieth,

what's three more weeks?

- Exactly.

- I told you I wanted to wait

until we'd been going out for a year.

You can wait a little longer.

Maybe I can tide you over for a while.

- Oh yes. - You'll wake my parents.

- Thanks hun.

- Breakfast Sandy.

- I'll pick something up later.

- Sit down and eat Sandra. - Mom.

- I know what goes on with you girls and your dieting,

no daughter of mine is going to be anorexic.

- I'm not anorexic.

You're so clueless.

- She's definitely not anorexic.

I've seen her naked.

- Lance you're not helping.

- Lance close your mouth when you chew

for gods sake.

You sound like an air compressor.

- Later.

- All right the three branches of the us government,

what are they?

Kristen.

- Republican, democrat and independent.

- Those are three political parties.

Executive, legislative, and judiciary.

All right, all right.

Let's start with the legislative.

What two bodies make up the legislative branch?

- Men and women.

- Kristen I'm starting to think you fell out of the crib

when you were a baby.

Now come on someone's got to know this.

How about you Sandy?

Come on keely.

20 years ago I took this same class with your momma,

and by the way she was a straight a student.

Some of her must have rubbed off on you now.

- Well I sure hope not,

otherwise I'd be at home now making my brothers bed.

- What up Lance?

- What up Timmy.

- You bring it?

- I couldn't find the key.

- So full of shit.

- Dude I'm telling you,

he got it in a gun show in Dallas last week

- I'll believe it when I see it.

Besides how hard is it to find the key anyway?

I know exactly where my dad hides his.

- Well I think my mom hid it.

- Doesn't make it tougher.

Probably in their room.

- Come on get a wiggle on ladies.

- Or in the kitchen.

- The kitchen.

- We're talking today about how

to keep the romance alive in your marriage.

- Have an affair.

- Maybe we should turn the TV off.

- Let's just wait for the commercial.

- To pick up the kids from soccer practice,

why not make appointments for romance.

- Great more crap we gotta do.

- You must not like it very much?

- Like what?

- Sex.

- Honestly I'd rather just have a banana boat from the dq.

- I used to love getting the high hard one.

- Mother.

- Oh stop being such a prude, Shirley.

You could probably use a little action yourself.

- I do just fine thank you very much.

- Oh yeah,

how often do you and bill do it?

- Not that it's any of your business mother

but since we're airing our dirty laundry,

I'd say at least once a month or every three weeks.

- That sucks.

- It's not the quantity, it's the quality.

- I'm sure that sucks too.

You should be a shamed of yourself.

I don't think a day went by for 50 years

that your father and I,

god rest his soul,

didn't fuck each other silly.

- I think I'm gonna be sick.

- Okay Jenna it's your turn.

Fess up how often you and Glenn

have sex?

- I thought we were going to discuss sense and sensibility.

And anyway Glenn's going to be home soon,

I gotta get supper started.

- Oh it's that bad huh?

- A couple times a week.

- Respectable.

- But.

Do you like it.

- Well yeah.

- Good lord that's a ringing endorsement.

- No I wish it was more spontaneous.

You know the way it used to be.

- How about we start a website,

anisochromatic

I bet we'd make a fortune.

- You'd make a lot more with

bombastically

- oh wow yeah.

- Lance asleep? - Ah-huh.

- And Sandy.

- She's on the phone with kieth.

I really don't think it's healthy

for her to be spending so much time with him.

- Oh they're teenagers,

that's what it was all about,

remember.

- I'm dreading her coming to us saying she's moving

to San Antonio with kieth,

instead of going to college.

- She's a smart kid.

She'll make the right decisions

- well I just don't want her to look back later

and have regret.

- Hey you know what I heard through the grapevine today?

- What?

- They're gonna make me a vp.

- Oh honey that's great.

- And I was thinking that we can you know celebrate.

- Did you now?

I saw this expert on TV talking about

keeping the passion alive in your marriage,

he was suggesting an exercise.

Where we just keep touching each other.

- And then?

- And then we get all excited wanting each other.

- And.

- And then nothing.

- Nothing.

- Right.

- Then what's the point?

- Just for something different.

- What's wrong with what we have?

- Nothing's wrong with what we have.

I just thought we could mix things up a bit.

- Look if you're not in the mood,

just say you're not in the mood.

- No I am in the mood.

I thought it might be fun.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Sure.

- Okay.

Okay stop, you know I'm ticklish.

- Hey if I have to endure the torture of this exercise,

so do you.

- Stop, stop lets just have sex.

- Whoa. - Told you.

A mauser c96.

- Holy shit is it loaded?

- No. - Let me see it.

- Whoa dude what are you doing?

You'll get us busted.

- Jesus.

They killed Otis.

- Well luckily it's just a flesh wound.

Otis must have passed out when he saw all that blood.

I guess the buttocks is the meatiest part of the body,

but the real issue here is,

this could have been much, much worse.

- Are you listening Lance,

you could have killed someone.

- Yes ma'am.

- All right then,

as long as we understand each other.

- Thanks sheriff. - Thanks sheriff.

- Thanks bill.

- I'm going to have to suspend him for a while folks.

- We understand.

- Lance what on earth were you thinking?

- I just wanted to show Timmy the gun.

- Well you know we can't have something like that in school,

especially will all these shootings nowadays.

It is a beauty though.

- Yeah.

- Whee that grip is sweet.

Walnut?

- Rosewood.

- Bet that put you back a few peso's huh?

- Oh just a few.

- Well again we can't have 'em in school.

- We understand.

- You young man aught to know better than to take a fire arm

anywhere without checking the chamber first.

- I tell him that a thousand times.

- Kids.

We all good? - Thanks Eric.

- Doctor said you should be out of here in about a day

or two at the most.

- I told you that intersection was dangerous.

- You were shot dad,

you weren't hit by a bus.

- This time.

- Hey Barb.

Hey Otis, hey Stan.

- Sorry mrs Archer.

- How you feeling there big guy?

- I'd be a lot better if someone brought me my

cheery jello.

- Good lord he's fine.

- I'm so sorry about this.

Lance is not allowed out of the house

until he graduates.

- I'm just glad he's not a better shot.

- Got your ass pretty good.

- He just wants to be like you Glenn.

How would you have felt if Timmy were over here

and Lance accidentally shot him with one of your guns?

Or shot himself.

- I would have felt terrible.

- But it's not going to happen.

- But it could.

I wanna get rid of the guns Glenn.

Everyone keeps saying how somebody aught to do something

about all those shootings out there.

Well you know what, every avalanche

starts with a single snow flake.

Maybe, maybe I'm that snowflake.

- You're just a plain flake

if you think I'm giving up my guns.

Hunting with the boys is my only outlet.

- Killing defenseless animals is your only outlet.

- I don't get a great book club.

- What kind of an analogy is that?

- First one that came to mind.

- Then how about you just get rid of your hand guns?

- I love my hand guns.

Hey no come on.

Hun, honey no need to fight about this.

It has been a rough day.

I will talk to Lance again tomorrow.

- Lance.

- Well what did you expect?

- I don't know,

be listened to for one.

- Asking men in rockford to give up his gun

is like asking him to cut of his.

- Oh hey Wally.

- Hey Jenna.

Oh I heard about Lance shooting Otis,

nasty business.

- You know I needed to ask you a question,

as the mayor.

- Oh wait let me put on my mayors hat.

Excuse me.

- I was wondering about maybe getting rid of

some of the guns in town.

- What do you mean?

- Well I don't know really.

I was hoping you being the mayor and all,

you might have some ideas.

- Well one idea might be to lock up your guns,

so your kids can't get to 'em.

- Well what if people forget to lock 'em up,

or what if the kid finds the key.

Like mine did.

- Well we can't plan for every eventuality can we?

Anything else?

- No.

- 10's or 20's?

- 20's are fine.

- Okay.

I gotta go.

I have to get some.

I'll call you okay.

Bye.

- Hey Jenna.

- Hey Byron.

- Missed a spot.

- So did you.

In your underwear.

- Weed.

- Quit it bitch.

- To you'll what?

Shoot me.

- Yeah I know.

Yeah I have it right here.

- Answer the phone.

- But I'm talking,

just hold on a second.

- Chop, chop.

- Piece of shit.

Damn piece of shit.

Pretty cool car huh.

- I really don't understand why you're getting

so bent out of shape about all this.

- You know I don't ask you for much,

but I am asking you now.

- I'm sorry hon,

can't we just agree to disagree.

- No.

- All right I'll make you a deal

you get everyone in town to give up their guns

I will too.

- You know that's not gonna happen.

- Then why should it happen for me.

- Fine, but if you won't do things for me,

I'm not gonna do things for you.

- Fine.

Like what?

- Like cooking for you.

- I didn't starve to death before we were married,

I can fend for myself darling.

- Well I hope you can do other things by yourself too.

- Meaning?

- Meaning,

I'm not gonna have sex with you until you do this.

- Really? - Really.

- I'm not gonna be forced into doing something

that I don't wanna do.

And if you don't wanna have sex,

suit yourself.

I can go just as long as you can without it.

- Guns or pussy, sort of poetic.

- Mother must you be so prude?

- Well.

- You got guts girl,

I'll give you that.

But Jen honey I hope you didn't do it for me.

- I know that Barb,

the truth is i did it for my kids

and everyone else's kids.

I don't want anyone else to get hurt.

You could join me.

- Join you how?

- Like in a protest.

No not a protest,

like a crusade.

You all could join me.

- What kind of crusade?

- To rid rockford of every gun in town.

- I'm sorry but she's crazy.

- What exactly do you have in mind?

- We get every woman in town to agree

not to sleep with any man,

until they get rid of their guns.

- I don't know sugar,

I like having my gun around for protection.

I mean you don't expect your house to catch on fire,

but you still have a smoke detector.

- Come on Shirley,

when was the last time anyone in this town

needed a gun?

- Yeah but honey, it just ain't about need,

I like my guns.

- So does everyone else,

but they're just too dangerous.

- I'm trying to have a baby Jenna.

- Connie this is for your baby.

- Yeah but even if we all agreed,

I mean how are we going to get everyone else on board?

I know a lot of women in this town

that won't go along with this.

- We'll just have to try to change their minds too.

- Well I do love me my Smith and Wesson

but if getting rid of them means I don't have to have sex

with Stan anymore, sign me up.

But how would we, you know,

monitor the situation?

- We help each other.

Every woman in town becomes part of a support system.

- When you say no sex,

what do you mean exactly?

- What are you Bill Clinton?

- She's right we've got to be specific about these matters.

I'd say no bjs.

Or ass fucking either.

- Oh how.

- What about cuddling?

- Cuddling, oh please

men don't give a rats ass about cuddling.

That's just paying the toll to get into the tunnel.

- I don't see how the five of us

are going to make a difference.

- Well every avalanche starts with a single snowflake.

- I always loved that saying.

- Well now we have a chance to make it mean something.

What do you say?

You with me?

- Well I already told you,

I'm in.

- I'm in.

- Shirley?

- Sheriff bill will have a cow.

- What the hey, I'm in.

- Yes.

- The truth is,

even if I say I would do it,

I don't know if I can.

- Why not?

- Because I love sex, damn it.

I really love it.

Because of the baby too.

- I think I have the answer to your dilemma, honey.

- That's it.

No I'm leaving.

- Good lord I always thought that thing was a candle stick.

- Throbzilla.

I defy any man to keep up with this puppy.

Call 800 number by 5 pm if you want over night delivery.

- May I?

Maybe I'll give it a whirl.

- Yeah that and a nickname.

- Glenn, what the hell did you do?

- I stood up for my rights.

Our rights.

- Well we're in a heap of shit right now,

bill told me that Shirley won't go to bed with him neither.

This this is spreading Glenn,

it's like a god damn plague.

- I'm still getting laid.

- That's because you're single.

- Maybe that's what y'all got to do.

Dump your wives.

- It's not that simple Dex.

Look I'm sure in a few days this whole thing's

just gonna blow over.

- All right I wish they'd fix something else

to stop doing.

Like talking.

- You know what screw 'em.

Let's go to the gun show this weekend.

- Which one?

- Cabrito, we can get ribs

on the way up there.

- Cabrito it is.

All right?

- All right.

- all right Sandy let's go.

- Jen? - Oh hi cherise.

- I just want you to know that I'm in.

- Glad to have you on board.

- You bet ya. - You go girl.

- Hold up Jenna.

- Oh hi Gladys.

- I don't know if this idea has a shot in hell of succeeding

but I sure do fire you for trying.

- But are you in?

- Oh I'm in.

- There she is,

she's a trouble maker right there.

- Mom what is going on here?

Mom.

- hey.

- Hey.

- How long you grounded for?

- A month, how about you?

- Six weeks.

- First day out the house.

- Tell me about it.

My eyes are still adjusting to the daylight.

Well see ya.

- Yeah see ya.

- Sandy.

- All day I've had to listen to kids tease me about you.

Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look to people?

I have never been so humiliated in my life.

- Well you're only 17,

you've got a lifetime of humiliation ahead of you.

- Oh sure go ahead, make jokes.

But you're only embarrassing yourself

and the rest of the family.

Why can't you just get a job or something?

- I have a job.

I'm raising you.

- Well in case you haven't noticed I'm not a child any more.

- You're right i haven't noticed.

- Not so easy taking a stand is it dad?

- No.

- Sorry about all this mess dad.

I should have never taken the gun in the first place.

- I know.

That was super dumb.

But this is bigger than the gun now.

This is about the battle of the sexes.

And we have to win this one.

Or the balance of power could shift,

the fabric of our society will be destroyed.

Like the fall of the Roman empire.

Or the Dallas cowboys.

Do you understand?

- Not really.

- You will son,

believe me one day you will.

Did you just moan?

- Excuse me?

- You did that on purpose.

- Did what?

- You totally did that on purpose.

- Jackass.

- Oh wait let me see it again.

- Gorgeous right?

It better be for what i paid for that bad boy.

- Glenn, great idea.

- You are welcome.

- Italian dressing.

- Is it low fat?

- Mhmm, those ribs didn't stand a chance.

And it looks you got some for later too.

- Uh huh thank you.

- Is there anything else I can get you sir?

- Yeah actually can you get me some stevia

for my lemonade.

- I'll check.

- What?

Why do you think they call tomato a fruit?

I mean I understand apples, oranges, raisins.

But tomato's not even sweet.

I mean how do they get away with that?

- That's a good question.

- I think it might have something to do with

them having seeds.

- So cucumber's a fruit?

- I believe so.

- That doesn't seem right.

- Y'all work at a fruit plant,

how do you not know this shit?

- The point is that we're all having a good time

without our women.

Am I right?

- How about an avocado?

- Jenna keely has something to say.

- Thanks.

Look we all pretty much know each other

in this town,

we feel safe here.

We feel like bad things only happen out there somewhere else

to other people.

My son Lance did a really careless thing

that could have had tragic consequences.

Now I know many of you love your guns,

but it's time to decide.

Which do you love more,

your guns or your family?

- Family.

- I don't see how getting rid of our guns

is going to do anything.

- Did you know that in the 18 months that followed the

newtown Connecticut massacre there were

74 more school shootings.

- This isn't a gun issue.

It's a mental illness issue.

- That's right.

- Really Byron.

You think America's got the market

cornered on mental illness?

What about all those other places that don't have

these mass shootings?

Do you think they've got less crazy people?

They have less guns.

- Anyway you slice it,

this is a darn fool thing you girls are doing.

And Barb Archer you get on back home

where you belong.

- Okay y'all know where my daddy was shot,

so obviously he's been brain damaged.

We're not here to debate gun use.

We are here to eliminate it.

- Ladies, ladies.

We need your help.

Join us.

We have the power.

You have the power.

There isn't anything in this whole wide world

more powerful than pussy.

- That's going to have to be it for today.

- Oh I'm not finished bill.

- Well I'm afraid you are.

Because ladies this is an unlawful assembly

on public ground.

- All right everybody let's go.

- Bill parson,

you let my mother finish her piece.

Or so help me god not only won't I have sex with you

but I'll never speak to you again.

- That's a little embarrassing honey.

All right I guess another couple of minutes

won't hurt anybody.

- We're not giving up our guns Wally.

- Well I'm not suggesting that Glenn.

- Well what are we supposed to do then?

- Well why don't we beat 'em at their own game?

I mean we can go without having sex

for as long as they can,

can't we?

Well I for one honestly don't understand

why y'all can't control your women.

- Well of course we can control our women,

but who needs all this aggravation?

Besides who wants to grovel

every time you wanna have sex?

- Like that don't happen now.

- Shut up Dex.

- Well what do you want me to do?

- How about we ban 'em from protesting?

- That's a good idea.

- Well I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure we can't, Stan?

- They have a constitutional right to assemble.

- Well I doubt our founding fathers

had this no sex thing in mind when they wrote

that stupid crap.

- Can't we just get a judge to make them perform

their wifely duties?

- No judge is going to force a wife to have sex

with her husband.

- Especially when they see his ugly ass.

- Hey what are you doing here anyway?

I thought you was getting laid.

- Well it seems the rivers have dried up boys,

if you catch my drift.

- Jesus.

- Oh my god.

- She ruined my ak.

I can't ever use it again.

- You could use it in San Francisco.

- This is no joke damn it.

What the hell are we going to do about this?

- Well I suggest that we all just go home

and ride this thing out.

They're gonna cave in.

They're weaker than we are.

Got it?

- Man am I catching hell about this no sex thing.

- You are.

- Yeah.

Everyone's saying I better hope the apple falls far

from the tree.

And shit like that.

- That's what you're worried about?

That you might not have sex with me.

- No, I just think you should try and talk

your mom out of this.

- Why?

- 'Cause it's dumb.

That's why.

- You saying my mom's dumb?

- No, no not her.

Just this idea.

No one's going to give up their guns Sandy.

- People said Columbus was stupid, you know.

That he was going to fall off the face of the earth.

- Your mom's not going to fall off the face of the earth,

she's just going to fall on her face.

- At least she's doing something she believes in.

Why is everybody so threatened by that?

- I'll talk to you later.

- Hey, you okay?

- Yeah fine just,

I'm sick of everybody razzing me.

- I think what your mom's doing is great.

- You do?

- Yeah I do.

And you can tell her I said so.

- All right everybody family meeting.

Jenna?

You're all in here.

You're really not going to cook for me anymore?

- You're hands aren't broken.

At least I hope not.

For your sake.

- Very funny.

- I don't get it.

- Quiet.

And you should be standing by me as well young man.

- I was standing by you,

but then I got hungry.

- All right, obviously things are getting

a little tense around town,

not to mention a little tense around here as well.

What if I were willing to give away my m16.

Maybe even the mauser.

- No that's not good enough Glenn.

They all have to go,

and there's no giving them away to your friends.

- When did you become such a damn liberal?

- Since when did you become such a damn idiot?

- Oh that's very nice.

You think it's right to call me an idiot in front

of our kids.

That's what you wanna teach your daughter?

How to belittle her husband?

Lance make sure your wife never calls you an idiot

in front of your kids.

- What if his kids aren't there?

- Is this really worth destroying your family over, Jenna?

- Who do you think I'm doing this for Glenn?

- Maybe you've got a point to prove.

Maybe some crazy idea you got from one of them talk shows.

- Did it ever occur to you that I might be able

to come up with my own ideas?

That I'm not just an extension of you.

- Is that what this is about?

You resent me for giving up work,

or not going to law school?

Go back to work if you want.

Go to law school, just stop acting so ridiculous.

What?

- You're behaving like a neanderthal.

What's wrong with you?

- They're gonna get divorced because of me.

- Look you may be a moron,

and you may have screwed up royally.

But if mom and dad ever get divorced

it won't be because of you.

You're just a little pawn,

totally insignificant.

- You really think so?

- I know so.

- Thanks Sandy.

- You don't like the oreos?

- Too fattening.

- I don't know how they can go so long without having sex.

- I know.

If I had a pussy

I'd be sticking things up it all day long.

- Yeah,

that'd be the only way I'd get my daily allowance

of fruits and vegetables.

- Anyone wanna bowl another game?

- I didn't wanna bowl the last game.

- What's it past your bedtime?

- Oh my god.

- What?

- Ah nothing.

- Come on you don't get to do that.

Say oh my god and say nothing.

What's it say?

- It's a personal text.

- Well come on we won't say anything.

- Baby I'm lying in front of the mirror

on my stomach,

I'm so wet right now,

I'm touching myself.

- What?

- I'm so wet right now, I'm touching myself.

I am picturing you fucking me from behind.

I can feel you inside of me

and I'm all, o o o o,

extra h, extra h,

exclamation, exclamation,

smiley face and I,

is that a cat emoji?

- What?

- I guess it means pussy.

- Is that the new iPhone?

What?

It's just really big text.

- Shut the fuck up, Dex.

- Look she's just messing with you.

- What are you doing out here so late?

- Reading.

Thinking.

- I'm sorry.

For giving you such a hard time.

And for acting all...

- Bitchy?

- Yeah I guess so.

- You're a good girl Sandy.

You're smart, you're beautiful,

you're a natural born leader.

I see the way the other kids look up to you.

You can be anything you want,

you know that.

- Dad always says I'm just like you.

And he thanks god for it everyday.

- I just want what's best for you.

- I know you do mom.

If I wanted to help out with the cause,

what would you want me to do?

- Well basically the same as the rest of us,

I would want you to convince all the girls at school

not to fool around with any of the boys

until all the guns are gone.

I know you and I haven't talked much about sex Sandy,

and I'm sure it's a conversation that's way passed due,

but if you and kieth--

- mom.

- Well I was never able to talk to my mother

about these things and I want you to be able to talk to me.

- We agreed to wait until our one year anniversary.

- When's that?

- Tomorrow.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

- If he loves you Sandy, he'll wait.

- You can't be serious.

I've waited a whole year.

- So what's another week or two?

- Rockford's not going to give up their guns

in a week or two Sandy.

They'll probably never give up their guns.

- You could help you know.

Try to talk people into it.

- Listen I don't wanna sound like a jerk Sandy but

I may not be able to wait.

- Fine, don't wait.

Go find someone else.

Maybe I will too.

- Who?

- I could hook up with any guy I want to right now

and he'd gladly wait for me.

- You don't love me.

- Stop being such a baby kieth.

Of course I do.

And if you love me you'll wait.

- And if you loved me you wouldn't.

- I can not believe you.

Wait.

Come on.

Sandy.

- All right now come on everybody.

- Aside from our god given rights,

it is also our constitutional right

for a person to bare arms.

It's written right there in the second amendment.

- Where?

- What?

- Where in the second amendment does it say that?

I'll tell you where,

it's no where.

- She's absolutely right.

- The second amendment only talks about state militias,

before the supreme court fabricated it in 2008,

there was no such thing as an individuals right

to bare arms.

In anyway Byron this isn't about your rights,

it's about what is right.

It's about keeping our kids safe.

- That's right. - Yes it is.

- Having my guns make the kids a whole lot safer.

- Now you can keep your guns if you want to,

you just can't make love to us if you do.

- All right hold on.

Now the good book says love's

not supposed to be conditional.

- Amen.

- Does it really say that in the Bible?

- No it's men are from Mars,

women are from Venus.

- That was great.

- All right.

Hold on.

It looks like maybe you ladies are just being

a little over zealous.

Why don't we let cool heads prevail here?

I think the compromised solution here

would be no assault weapons.

- Wally that's, no.

- All right hold on.

- Hell no Wally it's all or nothing.

- There you see.

- See you can't even give an inch.

- All right that's enough.

Hold on.

Hold on, you listen to me,

I think I can safety say that I speak for the majority

of the men in this town and quite frankly

we don't appreciate being held hostage like this.

- Wally, I don't have to remind you

that elections are in four weeks,

more than half of the registered voters in this town

are women.

That sounds more like it.

Are you going to support this gun initiative or not?

- Shirley this initiative is over reaching.

And you've hastily written,

I'm not--

- you're all gonna have to decide.

How bad do you wanna play with the little man in the boat?

- Who's the little man in the boat?

Dang.

- You gotta decide Wally.

Yes or no.

- No.

- Then I hereby nominate Jenna keely for mayor.

- Oh...

No Shirley that's real nice but I don't think that--

- hang on a minute.

All right now wait just a minute here.

Jenna's got a home to run

and right now she's got her hands full with that.

- I accept the nomination.

- Power Jenna.

- Asshole. - Oh yeah.

- Look I just don't understand why I can't sleep

in the same room with you anymore.

- Because i don't trust myself.

- Well doesn't that tell you something?

Don't you wanna try for?

- Louis Alberto

That is hitting below the belt.

- So is this.

- I thought you didn't care about sex.

- It's only an issue when you're not having any.

It's a little rude to be brushing your teeth right now.

Fuck.

- My son Lance did a really careless thing

that could have had tragic consequences.

Now I know many of you love your guns,

but it's time to decide.

- Hey folks we have a blue light special

on beer in the fridge section so grab yourself a cold one.

- Now I know many of you love your guns,

but it's time to decide which you love more,

you're guns or your family.

Well thank y'all for coming out tonight

and thank you harland for offering up your room.

- Happy to help, happy to help.

Just make sure y'all lock up when y'all leave.

- Okay.

Well welcome to wag.

Women against guns.

We're here tonight to strategize.

To figure out a way we can win this battle,

so I'd like to open it up now for discussion.

Anybody have any ideas?

- Well it seems to me,

we all know where the men keep their guns.

Why not just take them while they're sleeping?

- Well I think the idea Gladys is to get them to

do it voluntarily otherwise they'll just

go get new guns.

- Maybe the thing to do is we raise the stakes a little bit

you know turn up the heat.

- How?

- Bam, bam, bam.

- You want us all to become lesbians?

- No, make it unbearable for them.

You know sexting wasn't working so we dress sexy.

- Short skirts and cleavage.

Show off those gams and titties.

Like proper sluts.

- And we start talking nasty,

you know make 'em want it real bad.

- Geez Tina, Louise why didn't i think about this before?

- What, think off what?

- Teresa darling you still got that closing shift

at the relax hall?

- Ain't been fired yet.

- Okay and y'all still sell those boner pills?

- We sure do.

- Okay.

Oh it's good.

- More coffee bill? - Yes please.

Why are you so cherry this morning?

- Why not.

- A town divided,

not by nuclear power plants,

toxic waste or economic crisis,

but by politics, sexual politics that is.

The women of this small town named after reclusive

billionaire Cyrus rockford,

are waging a war against their male counter parts.

Rid rockford of all guns

or no sex.

You heard right.

- Howdy ma'am.

I just wondered if you could move your camera

away from this store front because the owner doesn't,

the owner doesn't want,

gee thanks.

- Are you getting this?

- That is kinda hard to miss.

Pun intended.

- Oh hi Dex.

- Morning Connie.

- What can I do for you?

Would you like to make a deposit?

- Oh no.

It's the shorts.

Excuse me.

- Bye dexie.

- no one's going to pay attention

to a bunch of crazed house wives.

- They're withholding sex from their husbands.

- We're gonna have to send a support team.

I want you to spearhead this thing.

I swear every time some idiot shoots somebody

in a school all the other idiots have to go on about

gun control.

Do whatever you need to do,

but just make this thing go away.

- Yes sir.

- All right look everybody in favor of going on strike

raise your hand.

- A strike?

- Why not?

It's not about the sex,

it's about the principle.

And I hate to say it guys but they're a lot more organized

than we are.

- Well what are you suggesting we do?

- When Arlene asks you to wash the car,

you say can't do it.

When Connie asks you to fix the garbage disposal

you say, can't do it.

- No I can't do that anyway.

- All right point is whatever they ask us to do

we can't do it.

We have to hang tough.

- I'm sick of jerking off.

- Why don't we get some blowup dolls?

- I'm sick of airheads too.

- All right what about the strike guys?

- All right look all those in favor of going on a strike

raise your hand.

Opposed?

Gentleman we are now officially on strike.

Hold on, hold on.

Any other order of business?

- Just one.

Seems to me everybody here's a bit frustrated

and tense.

- Who the hell are you?

- Elias Jones from the national gun organization.

Dwayne lafontein asked me to come down here personally

to see just how we could be of help.

- Send us some hookers.

- How many?

- Hey we're in church buddy.

- Oh I think god'll understand.

After all the way your ladies are behaving

that's awful unchristian like.

- I've never paid for sex in all my life

and I'm not about to start.

- We'll foot the bill.

- A brunette with dd please.

- Give me a break the closest you ever got

to a dd is in flashlight.

- Fellas we want you to know

you're not alone in this struggle.

Now if they're gonna tell you

you can't have guns,

what's next?

Poker night?

Football Sunday?

Hell this is immoral fellas.

- He's right.

This here is a moral issue.

Bring on the hookers.

- Some of us are married.

- Some of us aren't.

- What about the law?

- Well before I do anything

I gotta see something first.

Lately you know my eyes haven't been too good.

- It's probably all the jerking off.

- Boys I can't be a part of this.

- Yeah I can't either.

Hell hath no fury like a latina scorned.

- Fellas I'm not suggesting you do anything

you don't want to.

Okay god knows I'm not the one to judge,

but I do know that what your women are doing

is wrong.

And in like you have to pay the consequences

for your actions.

This here's about freedom.

And our forefathers really fought hard for that freedom.

And now the battle's come to rockford.

So for those of you who wanna stand up and fight

for your freedom,

there will be dozens of beautiful ladies here

tomorrow night at eight.

God speed gentleman.

Oh, oh and boys please remember

it's our little secret.

- Meeting ajourned.

- Getting a bit out of hand, huh.

- A bit.

But there's always a silver lining.

- What's the silver lining with a sex rink?

- Keeps you from sleeping with my daughter.

- Okay so I'm here.

- I got you something.

- Thank you.

It's a striking resemblance.

What's it for?

- I wanted to apologize.

I'm sorry ant what I said.

You know about your mom

and about not wanting to wait.

I love you Sandy.

I wanna be with you.

No matter what that is.

- I am so gonna make it worth the wait.

- Oh can I get one of them red things?

- A rose?

- Yeah roses are good.

- Hot date?

- I hope so.

- Well she must be real special.

- Oh I'm sure she is.

- It's nice to see people still courting each other

even though there's no,

well you know.

- Yeah.

What's courting?

- You know good old fashion dating.

- Oh yeah.

Courting.

- So what's her name?

- Who?

- The girl you're buying the flowers for.

- Oh, I have no idea.

- Ah blind date.

- In a sense yeah.

But I'm not at Liberty to discuss it though.

- Discuss what?

- Oh the two truck loads of hookers coming in tonight.

Did I say hookers?

- Yeah.

- Because I meant something else.

Thank you very much.

You keep the change.

- Right here.

Drivers license and registration please.

Can you remove it from the plastic holder please?

Why so nervous, Gus?

- No reason.

- Officer Archer?

- Sheriff.

- Can you check out the other truck?

- Copy that.

- Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle sir?

- Is something wrong?

- That's what we're here to find out?

What brings you to rockford Gus?

- Just delivering some goods.

- That wouldn't be contraband would it Gus?

- No ma'am just ordinary goods.

- At 8 pm on a Sunday Gus.

You been drinking Gus?

- No ma'am.

- Put your arms out to your side like this.

Now touch the tip of your nose with each hand.

Put your right foot in.

Put your right foot out.

Put your left foot in.

Now shake it all about.

- Excuse me?

- You know the hokey pokey Gus?

- I'm afraid I don't.

- Let's look in the truck.

Open her up.

Cherries huh.

- What time you got?

- About five minutes after the last time you asked me.

- Must have got lost.

- Yeah rockford's really hard to find.

- Where'd you tell Barb you were going?

- I don't think she's much interested in my where abouts.

- Well I'm only waiting one more hour.

And that's it.

- Mrs Parsons.

- Oh hi Owen.

- What in blazes are you doing?

- Making a citizens arrest.

- What you're not even cops.

You better let us go right now.

- I'll handle this sir.

Ladies I'm gonna need all those uniforms back.

It wasn't very nice of you to take 'em,

what if there was some emergency

and I had to show up on the scene

in nothing but my skivvies?

- I'm sorry about that Owen

but desperate times call for desperate measures.

- That's true.

- We'll return them to you straight away.

In the meantime they're gonna spend the night here.

Courtesy of the fine citizens of rockford.

- You can't keep us here.

We have rights.

- Tell it to the judge pimp.

- Does your husband know about this?

- We're not communicating to great these days.

But I'll be sure and leave him a note

when I get home.

- Where are the ladies?

- What ladies?

- Day 39 of the rockford sex strike

was marked by controversy as two men

allegedly hired by the national gun organization

were arrested last night for transporting prostitutes

into this sleepy little town.

- Son of a.

- Sheriff William Parsons has remained tight lipped

about the incident, refusing to comment on the veracity

of the allegations.

As we get set to enter day 40 of the sex strike

both sides are digging in their respective heels

and no one appears to be yielding.

- Why is this happening?

- I don't know what all the ruckus is about,

I mean household cleaning products

can be just as dangerous to a child as a gun.

- Look terrorists from around the world

can buy a 50 caliber rifle at any gun show

across the country.

That's crazy.

- Well it's better they by them guns from us

than out sourcing them jobs to China.

Right?

Usa.

Usa.

- Shut up Dex. - Usa.

- Dick head. - Usa.

- Like I need my gun for self defense.

- Is there a lot of crime in rockford?

- Oh hardly any,

but that's because everybody has a gun.

The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun,

is a good guy with a gun.

- My son is 12 years old,

he's hardly a bad guy.

- Look guns don't kill people.

People kill people.

- This is crazy,

now guns shoot people by themselves?

Where did you get your top?

I really like it.

- Well at the end of the day,

it's all about our Liberty.

- Liberty?

They said the same crap with the seatbelt laws,

and the smoking in public thing,

and now it's the guns.

I gotta breath your secondhand cancer for your freedom.

A kid's gotta die in school for your Liberty.

Fuck them and their Liberty.

Punk ass mother fuckers.

- All I know is this strike is reeking havoc

on this community.

You know this used to be a nice place to live.

- No everyone in town shares Glenn keely's

pessimistic view.

Especially his wife Jenna keely

who is now running for mayor.

- 40% of all guns purchased in the us

are bought without a background check

and gunshots are the leading cause of death

among young people today.

It's unforgivable.

- You look really good mom.

- Thanks honey.

- This is Patricia valdez goodbye.

- Is it true about the guns?

You know about it being the main cause of death for kids?

- Afraid so Lance.

- Glenn keely please report

to mr rockford's office.

Glenn keely report to mr rockford's office.

- Hi Gladys.

- Glenn mr rockford will see you now.

- Have a seat.

I find incense very calming.

Don't you?

- Yes sir.

It's very nice.

- Got this batch in India.

Ever been?

- No sir, can't say I have.

- Too bad.

Although you probably saved yourself from some vicious

fudgy squirks.

I'm there right now with an ash shrine,

meaning of life's journey and all that good crap.

Anyway enough small talk,

I hear your wife's stirred up quite a

hornets nest down there.

- Yeah I guess that's true.

- I'll get right to the point.

Productivity is down significantly this month,

people have had their heads so far up their asses

I can hear them gasping for air.

How do you think this is gonna end?

- I don't really know mr rockford.

- I do.

It's gonna end with people loosing their jobs.

These are the cold, hard facts keely.

I'm not going to keep this factory open

just to dole out paychecks.

Look at me.

You understand what I'm saying?

- I understand.

- Good.

- 101.

Can I get you anything else?

- No this is great.

Why are you being so nice?

- Easy to love someone when you love 'em.

Loving someone when you hate 'em,

that's the real deal.

- I love you too you know.

- I know.

I wish we could end this craziness.

- I want nothing more.

- Then do it.

- I could say the same to you.

- They're laying people off.

- Yeah Cyrus isn't happy with productivity dropping.

It's bound to happen,

I mean half the company's not talking to the other half.

- Better make myself scarce.

- Good idea.

- Hey Dax.

Hey wait up.

What happened?

- Old man rockford fired me.

- Ah shit.

I'm sorry man, I didn't know.

He said that after this strike thing is over

maybe he can hire some people back, but...

He fired me on Skype.

That's kind of weird.

- Hey listen man if you need help,

I got a little money saved.

- That's all right Glenn,

thank you though.

Thank you.

Take care now.

- Yeah.

- Thanks so much for your support,

we really appreciate you coming out.

Since when do you smoke?

- After five weeks without sex,

I am lucky I am not smoking crack.

I miss my man.

I miss sharing my feelings with him

while he stares at me like a zombie.

And that vibrator,

whatever that throbzilla

doesn't have arms to put around me.

- You'll survive Connie.

- It's not only that Jenna.

I'm scared.

I'm scared with all these lay offs that Louis might be next.

I'm not sure this whole thing's worth it.

- I don't know if anything will come of this

but give it your best shot.

- Thanks Gladys.

Mr rockford?

I'm Jenna keely.

Glenn's wife.

If you're listening,

I'm pleading with you to give people their jobs back.

And not to fire anyone else.

- We're going to offer these girls 10 million dollars

to preserve freedom and the American way of life.

- 10 million dollars is an awful lot.

How about we just give every gun owner that stays the course

a free ak47?

- You think that's gonna fly

with these nampy pampy politicians in Washington,

especially after your hooker fiasco?

No, 10 million dollars is safer.

- You're the boss.

- Where are you going?

- Campaign meeting.

- You're pretty dressed up to go to a campaign meeting,

don't you think.

- Well just think if you weren't being so stubborn

maybe I'd be getting this dressed up for you.

Or maybe I wouldn't be getting dressed at all.

- Ha, ha very funny.

Oh damn it Jenna.

How you doing sport?

- Okay.

- I was gonna grab some pizza at ,

do you wanna come?

- No thanks.

- You sure you're okay?

You can tell your dad, you know.

- I never meant to hurt anybody.

- I know that.

- I wish I never picked up that stupid gun.

I wish I never picked up any gun.

- I'll bring you back a couple slices.

Okay? - Okay.

- You look great.

- Oh thanks.

- Would you like something to drink?

- A glass of wine might be nice.

- Red or white?

- You choose.

- I saw you sitting here.

May I join you?

- Please.

- How goes the battle?

- Still raging.

- It is amazing to me how depriving men of sex

can cripple a whole town.

- It can cripple the whole world.

But then again so can depriving women.

- You think so?

- You don't?

- Tell me something,

if you had to do it all over again

would you do the same thing?

- I'm not really sure.

- I think a lot of women in this town would say that's

a start mr keely.

- I suppose they would.

And it's Glenn.

- I'm just so tired of it all.

I'm tired of fighting with Glenn.

Tired of dirty looks from people.

I'm tired of pretending to be strong.

- You are strong.

That's why you're getting the dirty looks.

- I guess we are giving them a run for their money, huh.

- 10 million buck from the ngo,

you bet your ass.

You are ruffling some feathers.

More?

- I guess one more couldn't hurt.

- It's a little late don't you think?

- We had a lot to discuss.

- I'll bet.

- What's that suppose to mean?

- I called Connie and Barb.

They didn't know anything about a campaign meeting.

- I expect this from Sandy,

not from her mother.

- And I expect this from my father,

not my husband.

- You been drinking?

- I had a glass of wine or two.

- Where were you?

- With Harlan.

He's my campaign advisor.

- And he took all this time to advise you?

- You're not jealous are ya?

- Jealous of what?

Some nerdy high school teacher

wants to get into my wives pants.

- Just because your mind works that way

doesn't mean his does.

- Yeah right.

- Did you kiss him?

- Did you kiss her?

- Who, the sleazy reporter with the fake boobs.

- They're fake.

- Please she could stand on her head and they wouldn't move.

Well did ya?

- No.

Did you?

- No, but we did have sex in the parking lot.

- Are you sure nothing happened?

- There's something i gotta tell you.

- Baby.

- No, no. - What?

- Glen he's gay.

- You're just saying that to make me feel better.

- No I promised I'd keep it quiet,

but I don't want you wondering about this

for the rest of your life.

- Oh man.

That's the first gay guy I've ever known.

- Not exactly.

- Who else?

- His boyfriend.

- Yeah.

- No I can't say,

just let it go.

- How could you keep something like that from me?

- Okay promise you won't say a word.

- Promise.

- Byron.

- My Byron?

- I hope not.

- But he owns the gun shop.

- Well think how tough he's had it at home.

- Oh man.

Everything's all upside down

and inside out.

I've never loved you as much as I love you right now.

- Even after all this.

- Especially after all this.

- Why?

- You're doing something you believe in.

No matter what people think or say.

No matter what i would think or say.

I don't have the guts to do that.

- we can't do this.

- Yeah right.

- What's going on?

- What do you mean?

- With you and dad?

- Nothing.

- Mom.

You didn't.

- Didn't what?

- Sandy why don't you drive Lance to school.

Take my car.

- So what now you're just gonna lay around the house all day

and not go to work?

- Sandy, take a hike.

- I am very disappointed in you mother.

- We'll talk about it later.

- I don't understand anything in this house.

- All right.

Hold on.

Come on now.

Please settle down.

Please settle down, ladies.

Ladies the plain fact is that if you continue on

with this strike rockford stands

to loose 10 million dollars.

- Ladies please.

Please ladies.

Ladies, ladies.

Think of how our town could benefit from this money.

I mean new schools, new buses,

new community centers.

- That's Cyrus rockford.

- Think of all the...

- Evening.

- Holy shit.

I'm gonna sit down.

- So 10 million dollars to the town

and everything goes back the way it was,

is that about it mr lafontein?

- That's about it mr rockford.

- But something doesn't seem quite right to me,

you come waltzing into our town,

waving all that money and you act like you got a dog

in this fight.

- We all do.

It's called Liberty.

- Amen.

- No it's called lobbying.

You know what you are Dwayne?

You're a walking, talking, breathing gun.

A hired gun.

You're job is to make sure that the manufacturers

can make and sell as many guns as possible.

You're no different from a corner drug dealer

pushing crack for a cartel.

So I'm gonna offer this town 10 million dollars

if the men of rockford will dispose of their guns.

- Now hold on, hold on.

Mr rockford we had always heard that you are an avid hunter,

that no animal in Africa was safe from you.

- Yes I have done my share of killing,

but now I don't believe in harming any sentient being.

- Mr rockford you are the name sake of this town,

would you rather have it turned into the peoples Republic

of New York City?

- Better that, than a monastery full

of angry blue-balled monks.

- Make it 11 million.

- There we go.

- 11 it is.

I feel like I'm on shark tank.

- 12.

- Oh come on. - Yeah.

- No you are starting to aggravate me son.

I am trying to reach.

Oh son of a bitch,

it's gonna take me 10 lifetimes to get there.

Dwayne, I'm gonna see your 12 and raise you three.

That's 15 million dollars.

What say you now?

- I have to make a phone call.

- Yeah, I'll wait.

- Wally.

I would like to make a statement if I may.

For the first time in a long time

I remember why my marriage was,

is so important to me

and while I'm honored that so many of you

want me to run for mayor,

I feel I can be more effective continuing this fight

without having to run rockford.

Well the truth is I may not be worthy of your trust.

Last night Glenn and I...

- Glock 22.

- Jesus what the?

- It feels good,

but you know what some how it doesn't feel as good

as it used to.

And no where near as good as my wife.

And darling you wanna be mayor,

hell you be mayor.

You got my vote.

Mr rockford.

That's just one gun,

but it's a start.

And every avalanche starts with a single snowflake.

Right baby?

I'll be at home destroying the rest of them.

See you later.

- Traitor.

- Wait a minute where are you going?

- I miss my wife Jake,

we were trying to make a baby before all this craziness.

I'd like to keep trying.

- Wait a minute guys where where you going?

Come on don't wimp out now.

We're down to the home stretch.

If we cave in now they win.

Oh come on, Wally.

- Hey it's 15 million dollars

and jobs back Jake.

- You can have the jobs back,

but just so we're clear you don't get the 15 until

all the guns are gone.

- Oh yeah that's clear.

- What about bb guns?

- And they say there's no such thing as a stupid question.

- Is that a no.

- That's a no.

- I liked him better when he was dead.

- Hello champ.

What you doing out here?

- Thinking.

- Listen I wanted to thank you,

for talking to me yesterday.

Telling me how you felt about things.

I know that isn't always an easy thing to do.

And I want you to know it affected me.

A lot.

One of the reasons i gave up my guns.

- But how about the balance of power shifting

and all that?

- Well Lance the power of power isn't as delicate

a thing as you might think.

See having the guts to be vulnerable

and admit that you're wrong,

that's a sign of strength,

not weakness.

You understand?

- I think so.

- Good.

- Is sex really the most important thing to us men?

- Absolutely son.

- 44 days after the sex strike of rockford began

the strike appears to be unofficially over.

All but 252 citizens have agreed

to dispose of their firearms.

Towns people say they are still working

on convincing those holdouts.

95 of whom are women to join the converted.

In the meantime all indications are that things

I rockford are returning back to normal.

- Honey I'm home.

oh damn.

These are for you.

- And this is for the flowers.

- What about a vase?

- Are you a stallion or are you a little bitch mare?

Want me to whip you in terms of shape?

You want me to whip you into shape,

you little shit?

What the hell kind of sound is that?

You sound like an old woman coughing up a hair ball,

you little shit.

- bill

- god damn liberals, what the fuck.