Original subtitles

Let them see the miracle the small and the grand,

The honest soul I myself am.

- Bendeguz

Poor old Steve Cobbler devoted himself to patching up boots and shoes

and other leaky footwear which existed in the world.

He worked day and night, nearly breaking his back.

But he didn't content himself with his trade.

Instead, he descended into writing poetry with his old noggin.

I've learnt by heart his most beautiful poem:

Black eagle, muddy street, Steve Cobbler lives here.

Steve Cobbler's piss weasle, both aren't worth a red cent.

Red cent? Your damn sorrowful mother, you rascal!

It's true I'm only a young man, so I was never really successful in anything.

However sad and strange the things that happened to me were, they were the height of folly.

They said I was a child prodigy.

And that I would've been hanged at the gallows at two days old

as I'd never be an honest man, this way or that.

Even my mum had suggested to twist my neck.

Preferably sooner than later.

Had I received a letter, it would've been addressed to me.

To Master Bendeguz, Black Eagle Street.

Delivered into his own hand.

How many times have I told you? You must go straight, because sooner or later the devil will take you.

I would go straight, mum, but that wouldn't go too well in the country.

That cobbler was such a crafty old rascal

that he never threw out the pair of the shoes I needed.

So I only had mismatched shoes, as well as he.

HUNGARIAN TELEVISION PRESENTS

THE WATCHMAN'S HOUSE IS MOVING

BASED ON THE NOVEL BY S�NDOR RIDEG

SCREENPLAY EDITING

CAST

IMRE OLVASZT� as Bendeguz

R�BERT KOLTAI as THE WATCHMAN

SHAGGY

TERI HORV�TH as THE WITCH

ALEX THE HORSE

P�TER HAUMANN as THE HORSE DEALER

PIROSKA MOLN�R as MUM

Z�CH J�NOS as THE SHOEMAKER

L�SZL� CUCZOR as THE PEASANT

ILDIK� P�CSI as ROSIE KNOCKNEED

L�SZL� B�NHIDY as UNCLE SPOIL

ISTV�N SZIL�GYI as THE LEECH MAN

CS�K�NYI L�SZL� as JOSEPH CANE

K�ROLY GYULAI as THE COW DEALER

THE GENDARMES: ANTAL FARKAS

and G�BOR KARS�NYI

Dear God, lo is the devil.

What's the matter?

There there!

Cough, cough.

Ohh...

It was a meatloaf as big as my fist. Its end still sits in my throat.

Goodday Joey.

This is my son. I believe he'll be a good cow herder.

He's as fit as a horse.

I'll take him this very day.

I'll stick this into that foul devil.

Bendeguz, you know how hard it is for us.

You don't need to go today. You'll have time tomorrow morning.

Art thou my true mother?

That you may give your own son to the devil?

The devil? Rubbish, the devil!

He's a horse dealer from Cs�pa.

There's a hoof on his foot!

There's no hoof at all!

One of his legs is crippled. Come speak to him, you'll see he's a good soul.

Come on!

Come on, or I'll take you out myself.

At last!

Come here, lad.

Don't touch me, else I'll smite you this instant!

I won't let you rend me, otherwise I shall stage a massacre.

Furthermore, you have to leave my seat.

Go sit on the bench, or wherever you want!

But I'm sure you will not sit in my seat, this I guarantee.

Where I come from, a child is treated like a dog.

I'll take you to a decent place.

You'll live just like His Majesty.

Beaked turkeys will fly in the air.

It's not I who needs your help, but Taylor the gate-keeper.

If I have a little money, I soon squander it on drink. I don't conceal this fact.

You could hardly conceal the fact

as your nose is as purple as a smoking pipe.

Based on your hoof I wouldn't think so, but your nose reveals something human.

You'll bless me for assigning you to such a good place.

Indeed I'll bless you, that thunder would burn you from head to foot.

Because of you my mother became untrue to me.

Where's my father's hat?

Don't mourn me, my mother, if I were to die!

- I'll get two pounds for you tomorrow. - Really? Do you trade people too?

Ah, rubbish. Only by chance, should someone ask it of me.

If you don't like the service, just escape with your wits!

Free your spirit, but don't let it get to your head.

In three days, I'll sell you once more to the neighbour.

To hell with that stupid watchman.

- Are you taking me to the watchman? - Well, yes! Taylor the watchman...oh god...ouch...

My legs are nearly frozen!

Glad to hear it. Just let them freeze.

I'll leave you like that. It'll be a pleasure to see.

Aren't your legs freezing?

No way! I'm not of such kin.

Don't get any such idea.

We'll arrive soon to where I left the horses.

Legs don't freeze on horseback.

I'm afraid he won't die for my sake.

Ouch...

This old nag is cutting me in two!

What's the matter? What's wrong, Bendeguz?

What're you scratching for? Do you have fleas?

This horse is busted up! I won't sit on it's back any more!

There's blood all over my pants.

No such thing, Bendeguz! Taylor the watchman is waiting for us. Hey!

Giddyup! Giddyup!

Tell me where he lives! I'll go on foot!

I'll get there, sometime.

Yah!

Come on! You no-good...!

Giddyup! Oh...oh...

Alex! My dear Alex!

Don't...don't...A...A...A...

- Aleeeeex! - Hop off it!

My dear Alex, ohh...

Why are you doing this to me?!

Oh my...

Oh! Oh!

Gracious heaven!

He has dropped dead! Oh my dear lord!

Please don't do this to me! He has died...

My precious love has died...

Horsie...my little horsie...

Oh, my only sweetheart has died...

If I could at least take his skin!

But I haven't even my pocket knife on me.

It was also stolen the other day, when I was a drunken bastard.

Bendeguz, have you a pocket knife? Or...

Rubbish, a pocket knife! Who do you think I am?

We're somewhere outside of the town.

Go on! You'll reach the watchman's house in half an hour.

Oh...bring me a knife or blade from Taylor the watchman!

The horseskin is the most precious thing!

If I can sell it, I can buy a brand new horse with the money.

My dear young man, bring me the watchman's pocket knife!

Until then I won't move from here.

Alright, just wait here! I'll come back sometime!

Horsie...horsie...ohhh...

You'll see a pocket knife, when I bring you one!

So you'll sit by your horse for a long time.

Hey kid! Why aren't you walking straight? Perhaps you're crippled?

You look just as if you were cut from the rope at the gallows.

On the contrary, I'm in good health.

I only rode a lot, but I wasn't born a knight.

And where's the horse dealer?

One of his horses became hungry, so he let it graze under the poplar trees.

What's your name?

Bendeguz Fable is my given name.

Well, Bendeguz my son, go and draw water for the cows.

Did I say that I'd take the job?

Right! Think it over! You'll get six pounds for a quarter year.

Six pounds? Oh my...

Such money hasn't been seen by my father, my mother, nor even by the king himself!

I'll be a rich man, sooner or later.

Gracious heaven. A witch!

Such an ugly creature doesn't even exist in the almanac!

Here! Here's your lunch!

Don't brood over it for hours, finicking as if you were some respectable man!

Why are you gawking, you ass? Perhaps you're deaf? Villain!

Please, let me speak milady!

I scarcely hear you, as I'm eating right now.

Does it please you to see my ears turn?

Would it hurt your tongue to call me: Your Ladyship?

I wouldn't care if you called yourself a happy young brideswoman, you old bat!

Old bat? Keep your filthy city mouth shut, or I'll kick your face in and teach you respect!

Stop, you city scoundrel!

Had only your arm broken off, when you lotted so little a lunch!

You! You cursed city scoundrel!

That's over with. From the first day I was bound into friendship with this vile witch.

No problem! We'll collect weeds, and eat those for lunch.

Goddamn you for your mother!

That rotten witch!

Hm...good goddammit!

Come on!

Don't rush them!

Come on! Damn you!

Come on! Gemma! Go down!

Come on!

Damn your unholy face!

Stop! Stop, you son-of-a-bitch!

Stop, goddamn you! I'll burn the skin off your face!

You left me weeping back there!

Mister watchman! Has she left already?

Yes, she has. You can come out.

You, Bendeguz! Why didn't you tell me that the horse dealer sent a message?

I didn't think it was that important, since Christmas is still long way off.

I like this!

Christmas is still long way off...you rascal!

- What've you done with my cows? - I just took them grazing.

Look at them! Their bellies look as if they've caved in!

And how are their udders?

They must be grazed so that they become as thick as pregnant.

Where's the problem at?

There are few weeds in their bellies.

What if there was only so much in the pasture?

Then take them somewhere else. I don't care.

Take them to a place where alfalfa swells.

I don't care where you take them.

- Okay, I see now. - At last!

I would've been perfectly happy, if the good God had forgotten to create peasants.

They've ruined my life.

I sometimes spent long hours in miserable chase

to escape the punishment.

Which even would've cost money, if I were caught.

The swellings only multiplied on my head.

Because everyone hit my head, whoever could.

It was that way at every lucky grazing, so I had to run as fast as I could.

I hit the cow and the peasant hit me.

I did a lot of thinking because of such things. I was sometimes ashamed of the affair.

At first, I thought I might write my memoirs into a book.

But the things that happened to me were so outlandish they were unbelievable.

Furthermore, the dogs would've torn me apart if it ever saw the light of day

what I experienced around the watchman's house.

Finally I agreed that I'd say whatever I could.

I would teach my grandchildren, should I ever sire a family.

So I'll write my memoirs, so whoever wishes shall see.

For such a genuine truth to come to light is a rarity.

Dear me! God help me!

This foul witch cooked just for me.

Is thy soup thick as well?

Thick.

Especially with this stag beetle.

What a godsend! You even got a stag-beetle.

Save it for me, mister watchman.

Eh? Look what you have to deal with.

Let's close our eyes, and eat like that.

Hey! Get up, you bed bug!

The sun shines upon you!

Until I fell into a miserable pit, there still lived in me a hope that one day I'd be a famous man.

But now that I was in the watchman's house, I had definitely been snared into a trap.

But what beautiful plans I had, if I think about it.

In these parts, every watermelon was designed just for me.

Unfortunately the landowner here was a primitive barbarian too.

He seizes you by the collar before you can look around, and your fate's sealed.

I've learnt the methods of pursuit by heart.

I just had to take care that they not take any of the cows for evidence.

I'm bold to say, that I would've enriched the world with great ideas

had I not forgotten them in the meantime.

Don't hurt me!

There!

Woah!

But why? Why have you withheld half my lunch?

Did you not leave half your food here yesterday, too?

It was I who had to collect the nibbled up scraps.

We're really poor people!

There's no wasting, no squandering here! None! None!

If you don't like it, give this back as well.

Now you'll learn how to be decent.

There's no shoemaker here who'll move away because of you!

I'll teach you what your mother could not!

To hell with you, I say!

- May your arm wither away, curse you! - To hell with you!

You sick bastard!

That devil of a foul witch!

Listen here, Gemma!

As I have nobody besides you in this whole wide world

I'll swear an oath to you.

This moment I swear, hope to die, that I'll have my revenge on the watchman's house.

On the watchman himself, but especially on this foul witch!

Look, a purse!

If only it happened like in the fairy tales.

Surely I'd be a rich man.

I'll leave the watchman's house as Saint Paul left the Wallachians.

I won't bid farewell to the witch, especially.

Thank heaven, I'm an honest gatherer now.

I wouldn't give it back to its owner, even if he were to come begging before me on two crutches.

I'll strut along in a feathered helmet with a rifle.

And I'll put a bullet in every peasant's hindquarters.

I'll hire that lousy watchman as a cow herder.

But if I hear even the smallest complaint, I'll give him a merciless thrashing.

It's so heavy, I wonder. There could be a ton of money in it.

A folding rule...

Damn it all...

One pound twenty pence.

It's clear now how hard it is to become rich by honest means.

Aieee, help!

Murderer!

What happened, Bendeguz?

I didn't see the dear lady there.

You don't imagine had I'd seen her, I'd have dumped the water like that?

I'm not of such kin.

I'm only a little short-sighted.

I already often see short sausage and bacon too

which thou bringest me for lunch.

I'll kill you, you fiend!

Such an uproar over a mere nothing.

I've been in a few hullabaloos with this witch, but I hadn't heard her holler like this even in my dreams.

And regarding courtesy, everyone should see that I never go beyond the limits of gentility.

Just come here!

Come on!

Come down here.

Oh! Fancy, I knew your father!

What's your name?

- Bendeguz Fable is my given name. - By golly! What a nice name you have!

Your father's a big tall man, eh? I knew him long ago.

Your mother's a bit smaller than your father, eh?

Is this not true, eh? Well, come then!

If you know my parents like this, you must be a good soul.

- What is thy name? - My name is simply Uncle Spoil!

Have you not yet heard of me from the watchman?

Well...I've heard a few things.

What things?

Well only that I should keep far away from you, because

those 1000 times less villainous than thee have been hanged.

Right you are! He isn't as foolish as they say, your...watchman, Bendeguz!

You know what? We'll drink to your watchman's health!

Well to my watchman's health I won't.

But otherwise, I'll drink normally because I often hardly drink.

That's it! How and how are you, Bendeguz?

Any unusual problems?

There is, and there isn't.

There is and there isn't? What kind of talk is that?

You can tell me anything. Don't be afraid, I won't pass it on.

Well, the watchman's mother-in-law is here.

Who, the shrew? I hope she doesn't beat you, the hag!

No way! I'm not of such kin that anyone should beat.

I see! So that's your objection to her, since she doesn't want to jump into the well.

I absolutely agree with you! Now's exactly the time that she hang herself!

You're the kind of friend I've always dreamed of.

Oh my...

Good day, my lady! How good it is that you are here!

Know that I wish to tell thee, that we must heal the breach.

I no longer mean any harm, no more than a newborn lamb could.

How nice thy colour is.

Such a beautiful yellow.

Know what I mean?

You filthy chicken thief! You son-of-a-bitch! I'll kill you!

Damn you! I'll bash your head in!

Take that!

Get out of here!

Now beat it, you shriveled old shoe fit for hanging.

Either you will die or me.

Curse you! Curse you!

Cut that out! No need to shriek so loud.

What despair we'd be in, if all the dead carried on such howling.

Hear this, you don't command me. I serve you no longer.

Hand out my wages! Tomorrow I'm going to the roadmender be his herder.

Come now!

Why would you go to the roadmender?

Would you bring the watchman's house into gossip?

Every day I'm hungry. Bread's short, bacon's scarce.

I should not think so!

Still, I say this: a child such as you deserves the fodder he eats.

I am also hungry.

You? Why, the attic's full!

But she doesn't give!

That's why, Bendeguz. The old mother wasn't always the in-law of a government official.

They're familiar with hunger, poverty. This is why she hordes and minds the food. You know?

She doesn't want the starvation to return.

- Has your head healed over? - Which one?

- Which one? The one the peasants smash in. - It has.

But I have an ugly swelling on my ankle. I'm barely able to run.

Hey, the gossipmongers say you graze in forbidden pastures.

A peasant came to me, here.

I should pay for the weeds you grazed.

I said I would pay, if he caught you.

Until then he should shut his maw.

There's not a word of truth about those weeds.

I don't even know what colour they were.

Oh, Bendeguz! Do you think I believed it? Hell if I believed it.

Well go, fill your belly! I'll tether the cows.

What a two-faced cod this watchman is.

What a person my watchman is. He always sleeps whenever possible, whether by night or day.

I offered to cut the hair around his ears, as the train once took someone away. He'd be dismissed from his post.

I then said I should go panhandling, but the watchman only shook his head.

They say God created him as a watchman. He also wants to die as one.

But this will be much later, once he has gleaned all of his pensions from the railway bank.

Hey you, open that blasted bar!

Wait'll I get you!

Let the country and the whole world know that I was always a boy with good intent.

But when I finally carried out my intents, they fell through.

Leave me alone!

Don't weep, Shaggy! Don't weep, my puppy! I give you my word, I will indemnify you.

I'll collect pipevines in the woods, and cure you with them.

Or if this doesn't help, I'll smudge your muzzle with dottle or cobweb.

You know, there're other medicines too, but they must be taken from the cows.

And I know how much you hate cows, Shaggy.

Hey! By the Blessed Virgin, I'll strike you dead!

You scoundrel! You chicken thief!

I'll say to God this much: they're all commendable cattle.

Especially Gemma. One would hardly find anything objectionable with her.

I'll bet straight up that Taylor the watchman will make a cheap bargain.

And where is your Taylor the watchman?

Look there! There's the mother-in-law of Taylor the watchman.

She'll bring the watchman.

Only be warned: if you talk to her, whoop into her ears as loud as you can.

Because that poor old woman's as deaf as a door-post.

Unfortunately I can't go further, as I have to watch the cows so they won't go into the cornfield.

Okay, my boy.

Where's Taylor the watchman?

She really is deaf!

Where's Taylor the watchman?!

May the devil scorch this deaf swine!

Ow, what do you want? Hey, I'm looking for Taylor the watchman!

I can't even sit on the crapper in peace?

Oh, she's completely insane and plumb deaf as well.

How do you figure that she's deaf?

The cow herder told me, if you please.

Woah, Bossy!

Curse you.

It's alright, Bossy, it's alright.

Oh my god! Oh, help me, oh!

Oh my god! Oh, I'm dying, oh!

Here! Your slippers!

Don't walk barefoot, or else your nose will run.

Don't speak as a friend, you demon spawn! Go milk the cows instead!

Oh, why did I have to buy a new cow...don't speak to me like that!

I speak to everyone as an equal friend. That, I declare before the country and world.

I'll smash your face! Stop, you!

Fit for a hanging! You curse! May God make the sky fall on you!

There was never an urgent matter in my life. Yet I ran and ran so much, needless to say.

Our dear lady became so quick and nimble since the tragedy

that she hunted me round the cowshed every day.

I was afraid of getting trapped into a corner and having the know-how knocked out of my head.

If I understand you well, you'd like to devise some sweet revenge on the old lady, eh?

Well, then I'll give you some sound advice.

If you listen to me, the dear lady will clamber up the poplar tree in shame.

But reveal this to no one, otherwise she'll have no superstition.

- Because we'll bedevil that old dog! - How?

The thing is, Bendeguz, is that you get half a yard of trouser string from somewhere.

You cut the string up into half inch pieces.

You have to do this right at midnight. At last you say this aloud:

A hundred cats, nine cats! Then you form a cross

and with that, the exquisite superstition string is ready.

Then you put it into the old lady's soup or greens. It doesn't matter.

After she tastes the soup...

...in three hours she'll be as mad as a mouse.

Dear God!

Here! Take it! You dishrag!

Curse you! I'll smash your head!

You! You'll pay for this! Stop!

Curses!

How nimble you are on foot, Bendeguz!

Maybe you should become a soldier?!

I know it well, the world biggest problem is that it's not governed by cow herders.

If I became minister, I'd turn everything around.

I'd take the switch away from the peasants, and girdle myself with a revolver.

I'll abolish the beatings once and for all.

Whoever violates the law, I'll have the watchman wallop them.

I'll have the country's haversack locked up.

So the money won't be stolen from it.

Dear lady, by which train have you arrived?

Well my dear child, you foul-mouthed Tobias.

I cannot tell you, because that train already left four hours ago.

I'll also tell you, if we're to be on good terms, don't call me dear lady, else I'll slap you.

On top of that, I'm not your darling.

My name's Rosie, if you must know.

So art thou Rosie Knockneed, who the horse dealer often mentions?

Knockneed, your mother's knee-cap!

I beg your pardon dear lady!

Now I'm telling you to scrape off, else I'll slap your snotty conk and give you a bloody nose.

God with you!

Well that's why we came, brother Taylor.

to keep the engagement in this peculiar way. There will be wine, something to eat

tobacco, this and that.

And then, if the Heavenly Father who resides above us wills it, we'll celebrate the wedding, too.

Of course, I wouldn't want the bride to mingle, lest someone snatch her away in front of me.

Why the devil would the hooved one want to betroth this Rosie?

She's so ugly, anyone with eyes could easily spot her.

And no one would steal her from him, even if they were paid.

We came to introduce ourselves, as I am the bridesman.

Not only for the wedding, but for the next 30 years.

This is the most reknowned watchman in the world.

I lead most maidens to the church to get married.

My wife says...

I didn't bring her myself, as we had a slight disagreement this morning.

So I was obliged to give her a good thrashing once or twice over.

(thank you very much) As I treat my wife real gentlemanlike.

As I've been a gentleman my whole life, as a bachelor namely. I've been bachelor for a long time, however.

Those who knew me said: Joseph Cane isn't handsome, but a gentleman!

This was my melody at that time, let me see:

I'm not like some pair of trousers

that are bartered week by week.

When I had sung this in the village, everyone looked at me.

Even those classy young ladies from the capital.

Eat and partake, betrothed couple!

If I were to call someone to appear before me

they would surely crawl forth on the second call, whether from beneath the bed or the stove.

Ho ho! I will surely not come forth on the first word, nor the second, nor even the third!

When I was an eligible girl no one could've lured me down, even from the attic with a lantern.

But I'm saying that one would come forth on the second call, should I summon them.

- Shall we swear to it, then? - Hide yourself under the bed, then!

Then I'll hide.

Well...come forth!

Here I am, Joseph Cane!

I will not come forth.

Come forth, I say, now for the second time!

I'm still waiting!

Then stay, and may a crackling tulip-bound thunderbolt strike you!

since as I live I'll never call again, not even by next Christmas.

Curse your pagan gods for making a fool of me!

What a wily fox you are!

Dear old friend, I don't want to quibble any further.

So I will keep the engagement.

A woman finer than Rosie, I couldn't find even in my dreams.

She deserves a place on my cloak to be made for her.

Very well Michael, my friend. Now we can eat, as is proper on such a lovely feast.

The greatest blessing is the corn dumpling.

Not only because it's grown from the cob, but if a man such as myself

were to gulp down fifty of them, it's imperative that he not eat or drink for half a year.

Just like a camel in the desert.

A gentlemen with a delicate stomach isn't wont to eat this.

They don't know what's truly good.

But poor men, when they can, do eat, stuffing their faces full of them.

I love it! I've already gulped down about eight or ten pieces.

Praise be to Heavenly God, who created in his image...

...me as well!

If he's speaking of me, well then. I do indeed resemble the Almighty, to some extent.

But him, whose nose looks like a boot-top?

I believe no one in this whole house resembles the Almighty.

First we have Rosie: her belly looks exactly like a hay stack.

The witch is flat in the front like fried dough from behind.

In the interest of being decent I'll forget the watchman. So once again it is I who remains.

Give me five more!

You've got your share already!

The hen loves the sour cherry

We both love the same one

My god, how strange when we both go to her!

The hen loves the sour cherry, we both love the same one

My god, how strange when we both go to her!

Adam and Eve were saints, yet they always cheated!

And you, son of poor Jonas, how could you know what...

- The locoman! - Right behind Steve Tisa the potatohead!

True love cannot be hidden

The locomotive goes to Kaniza, Kaniza, Kaniza, to the station

The locoman sits in front, he alone controls the locomotion

You may now kiss the bride!

I thought my watchman loved Rosie.

But if he were a master of love-making, it would've been damn hard to see beneath his hat.

Just wait and see, once or twice I do get married

I'll look for a skinnier and...smaller bride.

Joseph Cane isn't handsome, but a gentleman!

Kiss me at once you dirty lass! You hear me, Rosie?

At last I learn the secrets of love!

No screeching!

To screech like this at such a time! You'd free yourself sooner, if you wouldn't screech.

Give back the handkerchief!

Something's wrong here, as she doesn't have a handkerchief at all!

Kiss me now, or I'll poke your eyes out!

Don't whimper! Wallop the hooved one's head instead!

Bloody hell! Dammit.

True love cannot be hidden

Drunken sod! To hell with you!

Look out! Lift his leg!

Lord Jesus Christ!

Even the gentlefolk of Pest would dine on this curd.

They'd lick it straight from all ten of their fingers.

Like this, here you go.

Drink, my old friend, drink! You only live once anyways, right?

There you go! You'd have no problem at all, if the watchman's wife was still alive.

I remember, she was a good soul even in death.

Once she appeared wearing a white gown at the dear lady's bed

and the witch was shivering in sickness for a good month!

What did she die of?

Well, either she hung herself from the tree, or the watchman helped her up.

They say this and that.

How could you rouse such a wraith?

- Well, it could be done. - Do you know how?

How would I not? I am an experienced and widely travelled person, my dear old friend.

I'll say this: for eight full months I was by myself in the county jail.

- Golly! Really? - Sure! Drink my old friend! You only live once anyways!

Now we chant the Missus Chicho, then I'll tell you about the matter of the ghost.

Missus Chicho has three daughters, all three in one petticoat.

Oh, Missus Chicho, my dove! My kiss suits you well.

How do you do, lady of the watchman.

It is I, Bendeguz, who speaks to you. Thy cow herder.

Please listen to me, dear lady!

I merely ask that you oblige the watchman's house with your company for one or two nights.

Only enough so that the watchman is thrown into fright a few times.

Thy dear mother and the clumsy Rosie, let them be thrown into sickness.

But at least three times, as I fear if they die only once, they may still crawl forth from beneath the coffin.

My dear, grand lady, I have nobody besides thee in this world.

My mother as well, as she gave me away to the foul hooved one.

And if even you cannot help me, I'll starve to death in short time.

I'm not a wealthy man

but I know from Uncle Spoil that you like the trouser string at midnight.

I'll give you my share, cut up properly, as the superstition bids.

What's this shoe cloth you've cooked?

Look! Do you even cook the patch cloth with the soup?

You crazy, barn-dancing, old shoe!

Why not do it out in the open?

Why not do it out in the open? Drop the bundle of rags here on the table and plainly say:

Eat, you numbskull!

Soon after, all of the black crickets in the world moved into the house.

We heard such fine music that even Imre Magyari, the gypsy virtuoso, could've played there.

Whoever hadn't yet heard his falsetto

cannot imagine how loudly and beautifully the fiddlers of the fields can play.

I, for example, sat in the house listening for music.

From thereon something shameful and contemptible happened every day at the house.

On top of that, I had so much diarrhea mixed with bellyache

that I scarcely managed to execrate the watchman and the witch.

A steadfast spook, the dear lady is. That's one thing I cannot deny.

Come here, Bendeguzes!

Come on! All of you...drink!

Like that! That's it, that's it!

There you go.

Good...there's a little left in the pot.

Well, Bendeguz. Now I teach you a craft.

I'll teach you to drink.

You need to drink, so that you must always see the pot.

For instance: I see three pots right now, though there is only one to my knowledge.

Bendeguz...please, expel the other two Bendeguzes!

- Only I myself am here! - Oh, Bendeguz.

Never get married!

She won't leave me alone. She keeps coming back!

Eh! You get boozed up well in fright.

Good night!

Still, I'll look around the courtyard. If you get into such a mess.

I'll be damned if that isn't the dear lady there.

There's the spook, at the dung pile!

Where's that tramp? Now I'll catch you, you filthy whore!

Shhh!

Her throat! Grab her throat!

Run Bendeguz!

Her throat!

- What's wrong with mister watchman? - His stomach's bloated.

- My daugther did this. - What a peculiar illness.

I never would've guessed that such an ignominy could fall upon a watchman.

Do you hear me? Should I call the priest?

Nothing can help here, only the leech man.

Gather your things, Bendeguz! Search for the leech man in the fields!

I was just looking for you! My watchman fell into a sickness from water.

There's already so much water in him, that if you don't hurry it'll swamp the whole house.

It's impossible! He hasn't drunken so much as a bucket of water in his whole life.

Of course not! My watchman isn't a fool to drink water.

But for sure, he's just upon death. And we still haven't notified the relatives.

Well? What's the matter with thee? How did the sickness begin?

Be honest with me, else I'll have to kick thee in the belly.

Well you know, my daughter came here. The one that died last year.

And he? He tried to choke me.

I was in the middle of the greatest bellyache.

I'll cure thee in a jiffy.

Albeit thou hast already a smell like so many pungent horse droppings.

It's the most dire condition, whatever the government may say.

This is already the last stage. But you should not be forlorn because of it!

As I say it once "Rise, Lazzarus"!

Even the dead must spring forth!

But he isn't Lazzarus, he's Taylor the watchman. Didn't you know?

You don't say! Bring a bit of turpentine and brandy!

Half a cut of bacon, a feather duster

a radish, and half a yard of trouser string.

- Oh, bring them I will. - Dost thou have a trouser string?

- You must be very happy! - Just by chance, I have on me seven kinds of cat fur!

We'll mix this with tobacco!

And puff heartily!

And this, this onion...

...you must hold it!

- Dost thou feel any better? - It seems to be a little better.

Well, you must keep trying, if you wish to be well. Otherwise I'll have to lower thee into the well by an anchor.

- Be careful! Do not lose the onion! - I won't!

Keep running! Run!

I feel much better! I feel like I've just fallen from the sky.

I cannot accept money, only when I return.

As I must drive these wiles out of the house, together with the sickness.

The future cannot be seen by anyone!

Take this too!

Hurry up, thou!

To the Father and the Son.

Hello there! Stop!

I brought my watchman's Sunday clothes, which he has saved up for ten years.

Very good!

Have you come home again?

Do your work, dear lady, do your work!

- Only the Szelei saint's day holy water can help here! - From where?

From Szele! In which members of the feast washed the feet of Christ.

You must go in the morning, and come at night for the water! Only then will the dead be still.

Did you hear that, Bendeguz? Bendeguz!

End your feasting! Set off to Sele!

I'd go to the ends of the earth to bring the holy water!

You can put your trust in me!

All my kin have been honourable.

- Come on! Set off! - I, especially, am of that sort.

But I stipulate, however, that jam dumplings must be for dinner.

I'll cook for you as many jam dumplings as you can eat!

Just go! Hurry! Bring...bring that water...

- Then it's settled, old bat! - Old bat?

The devil take you! You'll get it when you return!

Sergeant?

Yes?

Is my plume fluttering?

It flutters, my boy!

Then good!

Stop! What's in your pitcher, boy?

I carry consecrated water for my watchman.

Ah! Did your watchman become so pious as to drink holy water instead of wine?

- I hope he hasn't gone mad? - It's not for that!

- The watchman's house is full of spirits. - And what sort of spirit lives there?

So tell me, then, what sort of character is this?

Where does he work, does he have a registered address, and so on, and so on.

What I know is only that the spook has, till now, devoured eight large sausages

one strip of bacon, and she drinks the wine from my master's flask every day.

It comes and goes through the clefts of the house. All of the house's occupants have been taken ill.

My watchman caught a water disease, the witch has jaundice

even mister horse dealer has been caught by the flux.

Yet I stand alone, somehow. Which is no wonder!

As I'm an enlightened lad. Furthermore, I've drunken about three litres of holy water just today.

What a kid!

Why on earth are they snickering?

I always knew the gendarmes were yokels. But this? I never would've thought.

It'd be better if you'd give a prayer for the dearly departed.

We aren't wont to pray for such a character!

Besides, if we catch that spook we'll slap her face first

then march her off to the county courthouse!

Come on, walk in front! We'll accompany you.

- Nice and hot! - Hot, hot...

Eat, my dear!

Let me in!

Is something wrong?

- Good, eh? - Good, for sure!

Here you are! I'll bring a little more.

Eat that! Let your bellies grow!

Adam and Eve were saints, yet they always cheated, and you, son of poor Jonas

- The locomotive goes, the locomotive goes to Kaniza - Not that!

- The hen loves the sour cherry! - We both love the same one!

They'll gobble up my dumplings as well.

I'd rather upset my stomach, than leave any for them the next day.

The spook's in the cornfield!

- Damned mother of a rascal! - Is that so! Now we'll catch it!

Filthy whore! You cannot escape now!

My Blessed Virgin Mary!

Where?

Filthy whore! You cannot escape now!

My Blessed Virgin Mary! My daughter!

You go first!

Oh! But, this is the road-mender's white donkey.

I'll be goddamned!

My wife!

My Elizabeth has become a white donkey!

Come on! Let's drink!

Shame on you, Elizabeth!

- To your health! - God with you.

What? What?

- I'll be goddamned! - Someone has besmirched the gendarmerie!

My daughter, my daughter, my daughter's here!

What are you doing here?

In my house?

So understand this, country and world: I've said it all, one after another, to air my grievances well.

Because, after all, terrible things did happen to me if I think about it.

Compared to this, the world war was just a common marketplace brawl and nothing more.

[subtitles/translation by egimanna and stibbshoo]