Original subtitles

(DOG BARKING)

(WHOOSH)

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

(BEEPING CONTINUES)

I'm so excited, Patty.

I've been looking

at the La Costa brochure

every day for two months.

I can't believe we're finally

leaving tomorrow.

Yeah. Look, I know

you want to take your car,

but can I drive?

Yeah. Okay.

(SPLAT)

Oh, no!

The mail went into

my cereal.

Yeah. This house is

driving me crazy.

I really

need this vacation.

Ma, we're out

of peanut butter.

Looks so peaceful.

I said, we're out of

peanut butter!

Well, don't complain to me,

talk to your father.

You know, he's in charge

of household legumes.

Think you can get me at 7:00

tomorrow morning?

Okay, 8:00?

WAYNE: No,

the equipment has been

completely overhauled,

I assure you.

I did it myself.

It's packing it up

that's really important.

You see,

if it isn't done right,

I really can't guarantee that

it'll get there undamaged.

(HEADGEAR BEEPS)

Hold on, I lost the sun.

(HEADGEAR BEEPING)

No, no! I'm thrilled

that the Smithsonian wants to

display my shrinking machine!

It's just that

I'd prefer to dismantle it

and reassemble it myself.

I just think

I'm more responsible

than most people.

Dad, we're out

of peanut butter.

Mom says

you're responsible.

(HEADGEAR BEEPS)

Hello? Hello?

Okay, then. It's settled.

I'll pack it up

this weekend,

and your movers will come

on Monday and take it

to Washington.

Oh, by the way,

feel free to use it to shrink

the national debt!

(HEADGEAR BOINGS)

Hello?

Hello?

How do you like that?

Your Dad's invention

is gonna be

in the Smithsonian,

alongside the gramophone!

What's a gramophone?

An early record player.

What's a record player?

An early CD player.

What was it you wanted?

Well, I was makin'

a peanut butter and jelly

sandwich for lunch,

and I can't find

the peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Peanut butter.

Where are you?

You know, Dad,

I was kinda thinkin' that,

you know,

summer's not that far away.

It might be good for me

to go to baseball camp.

Don't you want to go back

to that neat science camp

we sent you to?

Camp Isosceles was fun,

Dad, but...

I've been there

now three years in a row.

Yeah, but the fourth year

is the best. Trigonometry?

Ah! Peanuts.

The coffee grinder

will solve our problem.

(GRINDER WHIRRING)

But all my friends are goin'

to baseball camp.

Baseball's just a trend.

It'll pass.

But science is always cool.

(GRINDER GURGLES)

There you go.

It's got grounds in it.

It's decaf.

DIANE: Wayne, don't you have

to get to work?

I thought you had

a big presentation.

Oh, my gosh.

I gotta go.

So what? I thought you

were the president.

I am the president.

But presidents have

less freedom than anybody.

And they don't

have any fun.

Tiki Man,

you've served me well.

Oh, and I like the way

you made it rain

yesterday, too.

Wayne, I wish you'd get

rid of that piece of junk,

Tiki Man.

Shh. You'll anger him.

He takes up

so much room,

and you won't even let us

hang our coats on him.

He's a Polynesian god,

not a coat rack, Diane.

He belongs

in a miniature golf course.

I don't even know why

you bought him

in the first place.

To have fun?

Wayne, you are saying

goodbye to Mr. Tiki Man

this weekend.

I'm sorry.

But that's that.

(SIGHS)

Be cool.

I'll think of something.

ADAM: Yuck.

Cold chow mein

for lunch?

Uh, yeah. All the kids

are eatin' it.

Hey, Mom.

Did Nick ever complain about

going to Camp Isosceles?

He sure did.

He hated that it lasted

only six weeks

instead of eight.

What a brain box.

Mom, what if I

didn't want to go

to a camp

named after a triangle?

Amy didn't go

to science camp.

She went to Shakespeare camp.

Would you rather do that?

No.

Where did all these bugs

come from?

(CHUCKLES)

Oh! A daddy longlegs.

No, Mom, don't kill it!

Daddy longlegs are good.

They eat other bugs.

(CAR HORN HONKS)

(METAL CRASHES)

And that would be

your Aunt Patty.

(METAL RATTLING)

Hey, he's gone.

You live, for now.

Tell your friends.

Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry. Hi, Adam.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Diane, we have to talk.

I'm still worried about

the kids if we go away.

No. They are not old enough

to stay by themselves.

And what if Mitch

gets sick?

We've been over this.

If anything goes wrong,

our husbands will be there.

My point exactly.

Patty, don't start with me.

We both need this vacation.

You are more neurotic

than ever.

And I've lost my perspective

on my marriage.

Besides, the kids

are old enough.

Look at them.

They're like well-behaved

little adults.

You're right.

You're right.

Oh, man, I got this

great story, okay?

One time, we were at this

Chinese restaurant,

and I sneezed,

and six grains of rice

came out my nose!

MITCH: Ooh,

I've only done liquids.

But once Jenny did

a piece of spaghetti.

Oh, man, it was, like,

hangin' out to there.

Shut up!

At least I'm not sick

24 hours a day.

I can't help it if I have

a potassium deficiency.

Yeah, but how do you explain

your IQ deficiency?

Ooh!

Shut up!

Hey, stop it!

ADAM: Come on. Get her!

JENNY: Mom!

Mmm, hmm. Hi.

I better get them

to school.

Uh, Patty.

What's with the blocks?

Oh, the car was making

funny noises this morning,

and you can

never be too careful.

I mean, what if

the parking brake went?

I worry about these things.

That's why

you need a vacation.

Because at Szalinski...

(REMOTE SLIDE

CHANGER CLICKING)

At Szalinski Labs,

(STUTTERS) the future...

(CLICKING CONTINUES)

At Szalinski Labs,

the future is...

The future is...

Crap.

No! The future isn't crap.

The future is now!

Yes! That was

the president,

and my brother,

Wayne Szalinski.

And what a speech!

Mmm?

Wow.

Anyway, I'll bet

you're all hungry.

So, we have

a full buffet brunch

waiting for you

right downstairs.

Eat all you want!

And thanks for coming.

(CHUCKLES)

And don't forget,

at Szalinski Labs,

the future is...

Now.

(WHIRRING AND CLICKING)

Ah. Glad I can

breathe again.

Nothing like the smell

of two-part epoxy resin.

Whoo.

Must be an acquired taste.

Hi, Marcia.

Hi, Trouser.

Say hi, Trouser.

(BARKS)

MECHANICAL VOICE:

Hello. Hello.

"Hello"?

Turns out that's what

"woof" means.

(BARKS)

MECHANICAL VOICE:

Feed me.

Feed me.

That looks promising.

How's Project

Green Lantern coming?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Just okay.

I've run into

some problems.

But if you give me

just a little more time,

I think I can solve them...

Maybe.

All right. Well, let's see

what you've got.

(STAMMERS)

GORDON: Of course,

the goal of

Project Green Lantern

was to decrease accidents

to highway workers

at night

by increasing

their visibility

through the use of

internal fluorescence.

Now already we've made

tremendous strides

in the areas

of luminescence.

Put away

the snowblower, Gordon.

What's the problem?

See for yourself.

Cheers.

(GAGGING)

It's not workin'.

It's supposed to

make my body glow.

Mmm-hmm.

Open your shirt.

(STOMACH GURGLING)

Oh, Jimmy!

Is that my stomach?

Uh-huh. And here's mine.

(GURGLES)

The problem is,

the liquid just stays

in your gut.

I don't know what to do.

Well, obviously

it's not getting absorbed

into the bloodstream.

Have you tried going through

the calcium channel?

The calcium channel?

Yeah, mix it with milk.

That'll make it work.

It's obvious.

Hey, I'm not without ideas.

I was gonna suggest

making the highway workers

wear tube tops.

(CHUCKLING)

I'm sorry.

I didn't know that you were,

uh, working.

What is it, Trina?

Oh. Uh, Earl Parmen called

to say that he has

two VIP passes

for the shuttle touchdown

late tonight

at Edwards Air Force Base.

(GASPS)

Do you want them?

Do we want them!

(IMITATES PLANE WHIRRING)

Oh, wait, wait.

Isn't there something

we're supposed to be

doing this weekend?

Not that I can remember.

I just gotta call Diane.

DIANE: Forty dollars

should be enough for pizza.

Now, what else?

(SIGHS)

(PHONE RINGING)

Who took the handset?

Who took the handset?

(RINGING CONTINUES)

The handset?

WAYNE: Hi, you have

reached the Szalinski's.

Machine.

Please leave a message

or fax or a binary file

after the beep.

(BEEP)

Guess what!

Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited

to see the space shuttle

land tonight.

So if it's okay,

we're gonna take off.

No, Wayne.

It is not okay.

Patty and I

are going on vacation.

I must've told you

this 15 times.

Don't you remember?

Sure, I remembered.

Then I forgot.

Well, listen to me now,

Wayne, and listen good.

I am going on this vacation,

and nothing

and no one can stop me!

(DIAL TONE)

You do need a vacation.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry we're late.

I had to find

Mitch's medicine.

Is that everything, then?

All set?

PATTY: I hope so.

Okay.

(BOYS WHISPERING)

This is it.

Two days without mommies.

It will be hard.

It will be tough.

But I have every confidence

you'll make it,

if you follow these rules.

One, don't raid

the refrigerator

between meals.

Two, take your vitamins

after dinner.

Three, no rollerblading

in the house.

Four, get rid of the

Tiki Man. Got it?

Any other questions?

Uh, yeah. Can I have

some friends over?

No.

Come on, Mom.

Don't you trust me?

Save it

for the debating team, Jenny.

The answer is still no.

But, Mom, I...

Any other questions?

Good. Bye, kids. I love you.

Have fun.

And try to relax, Diane.

You too.

Have fun, and try to relax.

You sure

you're gonna be okay?

We'll be fine.

Bye, Mom.

Bye, sweetie.

Be careful, Mitchell.

Oh, wear pads

when you rollerblade.

And don't eat too much sugar.

It speeds up your metabolism.

And, please, put on a T-shirt

under your pajamas

tonight, okay?

Why don't you just put me

in a plastic bubble,

why don't you?

I feel like

I'm forgetting something.

(LEAF BLOWER WHIRRING)

Which reminds me...

Adam. Adam!

(WHIRRING INCREASES)

(SHOUTING)

I just did laundry

(WHIRRING STOPS)

so you'll have plenty

of clean underpants!

(ALL LAUGH)

BOY: I bet you

they have lace on 'em!

Oh, no!

Tighty-whiteys!

(BOYS LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Now what?

You guys are all guests

in my house this weekend,

and I want us

to have a good time.

So I planned

a little kick-off surprise.

We are

gonna use marshmallows

and gumdrops

to make models

of water molecules!

What do you think?

You're a maniac,

Uncle Wayne.

(CHUCKLES)

I know.

Anyway, we're gonna

put 'em together. Oh, darn.

I forgot to get toothpicks.

I'm gonna need you guys

to run down to the minimart

for me.

How much do you think

toothpicks cost?

Oh, about six

or seven dollars a box.

Well, here's a 10.

If there's any change,

get yourselves some snacks.

But see if you can get back

within an hour or so, okay?

For molecule action.

JENNY: Come on, Mitch.

Gee, Wayne.

It's not like you to forget

the toothpicks.

What? What's so funny?

It was just a ruse

to get them out of the house.

A ruse? Why?

To save Tiki Man.

I can't believe

Diane's making you

throw this out.

It's mint!

Tell me about it.

I finally find something

I want to do

with my MacArthur Genius

Grant money,

and my wife vetoes it.

You've gotta learn

how to negotiate, Wayne.

I bet I could talk Diane

into letting you keep it.

I got a plan.

(GRUNTING)

(SCRAPING)

A little further.

Little further.

Oh! Whoa.

Tilt it up.

Tilting up.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Tip it.

Tip it.

(GRUNTING)

Great.

Great.

(PANTING)

That's great. Just perfect.

The thing's

only seven feet tall.

Call me crazy,

I think Diane

might notice this.

Not if I shrink it.

Wow.

The machine looks beautiful!

Yeah.

I got it out of mothballs

and polished it up

for the Smithsonian.

I'm gonna fire it up.

Right. What?

Oh, no. No, no!

You're not gonna

start it up again?

(SWITCHES CLICKING)

(CONTROLS BEEPING)

You can't

start it up again!

You were banned

from using this

by a joint committee

of the FDA and your wife.

Is the FDA here?

Is my wife here?

I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna shrink

that Tiki Man

so I can carry it

with me always.

Besides,

it's a point of honor!

Do you think a weekend

can take care of seven years

of waxy emotional buildup?

You poor thing.

Well, you're on the road

to recovery now.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh! And for the trip,

I brought along

a special friend to aid

in the healing process.

Dr. Brother Love himself.

Mr. Neil Diamond!

Get out of here!

You brought the

Hot August Nights cassette?

I did! (LAUGHS)

God!

(LAUGHS)

Oh, no!

I forgot to leave

Mitch's medicine.

We've gotta go back.

(SIGHS)

(HISSING)

(BEEPING)

Gordon!

I can see your left leg.

GORDON: Huh?

Come on over here

and help me.

Let me know

when we hit critical mass.

GORDON: Okay, bro.

(HISSING)

Here it comes.

You're setting up?

This is why I wanted

the kids out of the house.

I don't want to take

any chances.

(POWERING UP)

60%.

(HISSING CONTINUES)

80%.

90%.

Come on, shrink machine.

One more time.

We have critical mass.

(BEEPING)

(ZAPPING)

It worked!

It must have.

Come on. Let's go find it.

BOTH: Magnifying glass.

(HISSING CONTINUES)

Do you see it?

No.

Start at the sides

and I'll meet you

in the middle.

(MACHINE POWERING UP)

Sounds like the machine

is revving up again.

Ah, don't worry.

There's nobody in the house

to hit the button.

Can you see it? Huh?

What's that?

(BEEPING)

GORDON: Look, look!

Here it is.

WAYNE: That's just a speck.

GORDON: Wayne, is that it?

WAYNE: No.

GORDON: What's that?

That's it! There it is!

Huh?

Wow. A tiny Tiki!

Wayne, you're a genius.

You know,

I always appreciated

the scientific use

of that machine,

but never

its marital implications.

(CHUCKLES)

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

(MACHINE ZAPPING)

Huh?

Aw. It didn't work.

It grew back.

What do you think

went wrong?

I don't know.

Sometimes

the induction sequence...

(SCREAMS)

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody here?

Hey. Doesn't look like it.

Wayne got rid

of the Tiki Man.

I don't believe it!

See? You say

he doesn't listen to you.

Things are

getting better already.

Okay. I'll leave it...

I'll just put it right here.

And then they'll be sure

to see them.

Good.

Okay.

Oh, listen.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

The boys must be

working upstairs.

Let's go see what they do

as soon as we leave!

(GIGGLES)

You shrunk us?

You idiot!

I'm sorry.

I'll kill you. (GRUNTS)

That hurts, Gordon!

Oh, does it hurt?

Does that hurt?

Yeah! That hurts!

Not as much as this!

(GRUNTS)

I can explain!

You can't explain nothing!

Shh.

(DOOR CREAKS)

DIANE: Guys?

WAYNE: (WHISPERS)

The wives.

Hey, where are they?

Guys?

We're in big trouble!

Why?

They can't find us

to yell at us.

But they could step on us!

Boys?

(BOTH GASP)

(GASPING)

Well, they gotta be

here somewhere.

No place to hide.

(SHUDDERS)

This thing is on.

Don't be silly.

A joint committee of the FDA

and myself have told Wayne

(BEEPS)

that he is never to use

the shrinking machine for

the rest of his natural...

PATTY: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm sure.

DIANE: Besides, he told me

it doesn't even

work anymore.

Wayne knows

he's forbidden to ever

touch that thing again.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Diane,

what's going on here?

(EXHALES)

(BOTH GASPING)

Diane! Hi!

Diane,

something happened...

Wayne?

Yes.

Are we shrunk?

(SIGHS) I'm not gonna lie

to you. Yes, we are.

(GASPS)

I was at the machine,

and I was just...

(THUD)

Oh!

How did this happen?

Well... (CHUCKLES) It's sort

of a funny story. We...

And what is that

Tiki thing doing here?

"Tiki thing"?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I get it.

You thought you could

outsmart me, Wayne.

You thought you could just

shrink the Tiki Man down,

and I wouldn't notice.

Well, guess what, Wayne?

I noticed!

Now, Diane. Calm down.

How can I calm down? I am

smaller than a raisin!

Diane...

If you think about

this with a modicum

of hindsight, you...

Oh, stop trying to use

your interpersonal skills

to smooth things over!

He's dragged us

into it, too.

Can I just

say something?

No! You cannot.

(ALL ARGUING)

(WHISTLES) People!

Please, could we argue

somewhere else?

I don't think it's real

safe here on the floor.

That's true.

We gotta get away

from the shoes

and the cockroaches.

The shoes?

Cockroaches?

There are cockroaches here?

Well, it's an attic!

I hate cockroaches!

That's just regular-sized

cockroaches,

not cockroaches

the size of sofas!

Sofas?

You know, Wayne...

I bet if we climb up

that wicker chair,

we can get to

the windowsill.

Okay, that's great!

Let's get going, 'cause this

is gonna take a long time.

Diane.

Are you gonna stay mad at me

the whole time we're tiny,

or are you gonna try

and make the best

out of a bad situation?

(SIGHS) I'm gonna stay

mad at you the whole time.

Okay.

(ALL GRUNTING)

WAYNE: Come on.

(PANTING) Yes. Yes!

I made it.

Oh, Gordon, you are

so buff. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Patty! Hang in there!

You're doin' great.

(WHIMPERING)

No. No, Gordon.

"Great" would be if

I were in La Costa.

I'm doing

the opposite of great.

I'm doing sucky.

Honey, at least you're

getting some exercise.

(GRUNTS)

Yeah. Now that I have

a wicker chair,

I don't have to go

to the gym anymore.

(LAUGHS)

Come on, good.

You got it.

You got it.

(SIGHS)

Okay!

Hard part's over.

Uh-huh.

Now. All we have to do

is walk across this...

Footbridge.

Gordon, that is not

a footbridge. It's a stick.

To you, maybe.

To Gordon Szalinski,

it's a highway to bigness.

See?

(ECHOING) I'm walking

across the footbridge.

I'm not looking down.

I am a cat.

I am a panther.

I am scared stiff.

(GRUNTS) Oh!

Huh? Ta-da! Okay.

Okay, follow me.

And I just picked it up

in a hardware store.

But it has performed better

in my wind tunnel tests

than anything else.

Look, you can see

the driveway from here.

PATTY: There's my car.

Hey. Hey,

the kids will see it

and know we're here.

That's right. They're smart.

They'll figure it out.

So we're saved.

Yes! I told you we...

Thanks!

(SQUEALS)

(THUD)

We forgot to put

the blocks in.

I knew I heard a noise.

(GROANS)

You should have those

brakes looked at.

Hey, Adam. Do you think

your dad'll let us

roast those molecules

when we're

done with them?

That is so lame.

I'm trying to work

with what we've got.

What we've got

is a weekend

in Dullsville.

Dad? Uncle Wayne?

Uh, uh, uh!

No rollerblading

in the house.

You're not my mom.

That's right.

'Cause if I were, you would

be up for adoption.

Take off your rollerblades.

(LAUGHS)

Dad! Uncle Gordon!

They don't seem

to be here.

That's weird.

I gotta make

a phone call.

Oh, hey, look.

Must've left a message.

(TAPE REWINDING)

WAYNE ON TAPE:

Guess what! Change of plans.

Gordon and I just got invited

to see the space shuttle

land tonight.

So if it's okay,

we're gonna take off.

"If that's okay"?

They wouldn't

just take off.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Oh, hey, look!

Forty dollars for pizza!

They must really

be gone, then.

Yeah. So what now?

Of course, as soon as

the kids realize we're gone,

they'll be very upset.

(ALL CHEERING)

Yeah. And I'm sure their

first thought will be,

"Gee, I bet

our parents are shrunk."

Yeah, that's true.

And there's no reason

for them to come up here,

so we gotta get to them.

Well, how? We'll never

get down the stairs alive.

Well, the fastest way is

to go straight out the window

and into Adam's room.

You know what we could do?

Gordon, I'm the inventor here.

Can I figure this out?

The shortest distance

between two points

is a straight line.

If I had

some sort of cable,

a pulley system that I could

use to transport us down.

But what could it be?

If I had some sort of

mini Zeppelin.

Wayne.

Or a pneumatic device.

Or jet packs powered by an

isotope-based thruster system!

Wayne.

Wayne!

What?

How about

something like

a fishing reel?

That would work.

I'm gonna invite

all my friends over.

I'm gonna eat

anything I want.

I'm not gonna

take my vitamins.

I am gonna play my music

really loud.

I'm not gonna

wear any socks.

And I'm gonna

bleach my hair.

Okay. Look. We can

all do whatever we want.

But we have to make

a pact this weekend.

No matter what,

our parents can

never find out.

Promise?

BOTH: Promise.

(CLICKING)

(PANTING)

Gordon, I'm freaking.

Shh. It's okay, sweetheart.

It's almost over.

(WHIMPERS)

(CLICKING CONTINUES)

(WHIPPING SOUND)

(ALL GASP)

GORDON: Hang on!

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

So far, so good.

So I'm at my uncle's house

on Echo Lane.

Yes, the one

with the weirdo mailbox.

So, guess what?

My parents are out of town

for a whole weekend

and we have the house

all to ourselves.

So I think I'm gonna

throw a party.

(GIRL SCREAMS ON PHONE)

GIRL: Oh, my gosh! A party?

Wait till you see

what I'm gonna wear!

(SIGHS)

PATTY: (LAUGHS)

There we go.

Where are we?

This is Adam's room.

This is the top

of his chest of drawers.

We are

in serious trouble.

Oh, come on, Patty.

It won't be that bad.

I mean, we'll have to find

a shoe to live in.

But the kids

are messy eaters.

There'll be plenty

of crumbs for us to eat.

Wayne, we're not gonna spend

the rest of our lives tiny.

We're going

to get big again.

Somehow. Some way.

We'll get our

kids' attention.

How? They hardly listen

to us when we're full-sized.

Now it'll be impossible.

Unless... We can make

our voices full-sized!

Well, there's gotta

be a way!

Like, does Adam

have a bullhorn?

Or a karaoke machine?

No.

Hey, I got it! I can

rewire the stereo so we can

talk through the speakers.

That would amplify our

voices 100 times!

And that'll work?

Sure. Just slip in through

the vent of the receiver

and hot-wire the circuits.

Yee-haw!

We have a plan.

What do you think, Diane?

It's a plan.

(WHIRRING)

Yeah. Hey. Hey,

this one's done.

This one's done.

Right.

(MACHINE TURNS OFF)

Hey, how come

there's no instructions

for a balloon full of chili?

(LAUGHS)

Okay, be here at 6:00,

ready to dance. Okay? Bye.

All set. Jody, Holly,

and Corky are coming

for dinner tonight.

And they're not leaving

until tomorrow morning.

Wait a second.

You're having a sleepover?

After what Mom said?

She'll kill you.

Mom's not gonna find out.

Remember our little promise?

If you'll excuse me

for a second,

I have some shopping to do.

(MICROWAVE BEEPING)

(BUBBLING)

Gee! Oh, man!

(GASPS)

Wow! Adam's Sharkruiser.

It's perfect.

GORDON: Wow.

That's beautiful.

Wait till you see this.

I gave it to him

for Christmas.

(WAYNE CHUCKLING)

GORDON:

This is incredible!

Look at this detail!

ADAM:

♪ Great green gobs of greasy

Hey, Adam!

♪ Grimy gopher guts

♪ Mutilated monkey meat

Dirty little birdie feet

♪ French fried eyeballs

Swimming in a pool of blood

ALL: Adam!

♪ Me without my spoon

♪ But I've got a straw ♪

ALL: Adam!

Adam!

(SIGHS) Well.

I think we just witnessed

the private world of a child.

Where did he learn

that disgusting song?

Oh, who knows where kids

pick these things up?

Oh, sure. Just last week

Mitch sang the exact...

Okay, guys. Hop in.

PATTY: What are you doing?

Going down the hall

the quickest way possible.

I think we can

wiggle our way

off the edge.

Are you insane?

We don't even know

where this track leads.

Adam's always sending

his Hot Wheels out

into the hall.

Yeah. Still.

But that loop-the-loop

doesn't look safe to me.

With our weight and velocity,

I don't think it would

be a problem.

So... Are we willing

to give it a shot?

Hold on a minute.

Gonna be safe about this.

This should work.

PATTY: All right.

Just to be safe,

I want us

to strap ourselves in with

these orthodonture bands.

We're all here. Here.

Wayne, Diane?

Would you hold this

for me, please?

Too bad Adam

wasn't playin' with

the Splittin' Image, huh?

That was cherry.

Yeah. But the Twin Mill

was fastest. Remember?

You bet.

Everybody strapped in?

Vroom. Vroom.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's start rockin'.

And go!

(ALL GRUNTING)

WAYNE: Come on!

Come on.

(ALL YELLING)

I just

remembered something.

The Sharkruiser

is terrible in the loop!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Whoa!

(SCREAMING)

Look out ahead!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Hold on!

It's a jump!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(THUD)

Wayne. Where's Wayne?

Honey? I don't

think we're using

enough fabric softener.

MITCH: Ah, the hot dog people

have a question.

They want to know

why they are sitting

at the base of a volcano.

Just tell them

it's for flavor.

(CHUCKLES) It's for flavor.

Oh, the hot dog lady

has a baby.

Ooh, little baby.

Cute. Yes, you are.

(VOLCANO SPURTING)

Oh, no!

The gods are getting

restless and hungry!

The village people

forgot to make a sacrifice!

Now they must

become snacks!

(LAUGHS)

Behold my wrath!

(POPS)

Aah!

Oh! (LAUGHS)

(MITCH EXCLAIMING)

It's working!

(GURGLING)

MITCH: All right!

Oh, no!

We're burning up.

Nothing can save us

from the vortex of chili!

Ha-ha!

I'll save the baby!

I'll save the baby!

Save the baby.

Oh.

I'm gonna eat

the woman's leg.

Mmm. Lava-licious.

"Lava-licious."

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

She yells at me

even when she's gone.

That was the most

frightening ride I have

ever had in my life.

I never want to

go through anything

like that ever again.

(GRUNTS)

(YELPS)

You know, wouldn't it

be cool if our parents

never came back?

MITCH: (ECHOING)

Do you think

it could happen?

ADAM: No, I'm just saying,

what if.

Yeah. Well, I don't think

I'd miss them that much.

I mean, I like it

when they take me places.

And I sort of wish my mom

was here to, uh, clean up

the mess in the kitchen.

What, am I your servant?

(YELPS)

Yeah. You know,

mostly parents just live

to nag and hassle you.

They just want to

turn you into a brain box

like my dad.

"Brain box"?

It's a compliment.

Oh!

MITCH: I bet my parents

wish I didn't have

a medical problem.

What do you

have, anyway?

(DIANE MOANING)

Diane, Diane!

Don't do that!

I mean, you don't

seem that sick.

It's called

hypokalemic paralysis.

It's a genetic thing.

You wouldn't understand.

But it's not that

big a deal.

I mean, I haven't even

taken my medicine today.

And I feel fine.

I probably don't even

need it anymore.

Oh, my God.

What's he saying?

Do you think he didn't see

where we put the medicine?

ADAM: Here.

Just drop it here.

I want to

show you something.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh! I'm so nauseous.

You want to see something

super, super awesome?

Sure.

PATTY: We're right back

where we started from.

GORDON: I fell down

and broke my crown.

That was fun.

It's mega-secret, okay?

If my dad

found out I had this,

he'd go ballistic.

MITCH: What is it?

ADAM: (WHISPERS)

Watch out. Here it is.

MITCH: Oh, my gosh!

(ADAM GIGGLES)

Oh, check it out.

No!

MITCH: That's rad!

ADAM: Look at that!

MITCH: Oh, my.

ADAM: Oh, yes!

BOTH: Did you

know about this?

We are so sorry!

Oh! Sorry.

You boys

are in big trouble!

I'm gone for one minute

and you turn the place

into a pigsty!

Oh. We're sorting laundry!

Now, get down here

and clean it up,

'cause we gotta

get ready for the party!

PATTY: Party? You can't

have a party.

I said no friends!

Come on.

We better get down there

before Queen Hell Jenny

gets really mad.

Hey!

Ooh.

(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING)

ADAM: We'll look

at this later.

Wayne, what are

you doing?

Diane, I have to know

what we're dealing

with here.

I didn't see

this coming.

This is all your fault.

I can't believe you guys

made such a mess.

Whose idea

was that, anyway?

It was his fault.

No, it was him.

No!

He gave me...

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

JENNY: Go get the door,

you guys.

And if you think

you are done cleaning up,

you are crazy.

(SIGHS)

Who are you?

Holly.

Hi. Did you

bring the stuff?

Yeah. I got the CDs,

the sour cream and

my dad's bubble machine.

A bubble machine?

Yeah. It's the

coolest thing.

The bubbles will go

great with the streamers.

Okay.

You're the cheerleader.

Now let's get ready

to party.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

(BUBBLE MACHINE GURGLING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

They're here.

That's enough

clowning around,

you guys.

The party's just

about to start.

Adam. Mitch.

You guys are gonna

serve the ginger ale.

I mean, the champagne.

Forget it.

We're not your slaves.

Yeah.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

(SIGHS)

Hi, girls.

BOTH: Hi!

Look. I brought Clarissa.

Clarissa?

We're not into

dolls anymore.

We're not?

No. Now,

we're into boys.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, Jen.

ALL: Hi.

Did you know

Jill was coming?

Who's Jill?

She's starting shortstop

for the Warriors.

A girl plays

Little League?

Yeah.

And she's awesome.

(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Um, Jenny?

What?

We changed our minds,

so, we'll be your slaves.

Great.

We will?

Yes.

DIANE: You know, there was

a time when I thought this

house was too small.

When I get big,

I'm gonna walk down

stairs two at a time.

Look what I found.

It's a piece of a pin.

I gotta stop

and examine more things.

I mean, look at the grain

in this hardwood floor.

It's beautiful.

It almost tells the story

of how the whole tree grew.

I gotta take the time

to appreciate the world

around me.

I've been workin' too hard.

I've gotta stop and

notice things.

Really? Like what?

Well, like...

Like the intricate weave

of this carpet.

Or the perfect cylindrical

quality of this roach turd.

Roach turd!

What?

Not to worry.

See? It's dry.

Whoever dropped this

left a long time ago.

Maybe weeks or months.

We vacuum

more than that.

No, the only thing

you gotta worry about

is if we ran into...

(SQUISH)

Oh!

A wet one.

(CLICKING SOUND)

(PATTY WHIMPERS)

(HISSING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

(CLICKING AND HISSING)

GORDON: Quick, uh...

Get on the other side!

Let's head for the stairs.

Forget it! That thing's

faster than we'll ever be.

(CLICKING)

What're we

supposed to do?

Follow me.

I got an idea!

PATTY: Let's get

outta here.

(CLICKING)

Come on.

We'll be safe in here.

Come on!

He's gaining on us.

Whatever you do,

stay to the right.

Come on!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Wayne, how did you

know that there was

a clear path here?

Oh, I've taken

these things apart.

(HISSING)

He's just standing

out there.

Move around here.

We'll lure him in.

(CHITTERING)

Oh! (YELPS) His antennae

touched me!

Further around!

Further around! Move around!

(SNARLING)

Oh, no, my shoe!

I'm stuck!

Come on, we better

get outta here!

I'm stuck.

I can't get my foot out!

Wayne!

(SNARLS)

Wayne. I'm stuck!

Save me! Wayne!

(SCREAMING)

Wayne, help me!

(SNARLING)

(SCREAMING)

(HISSING)

(SHUDDERING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

We did it!

Huh?

Szalinskis check in?

And they do

check out!

Ricky King may be cute,

but he's also

really conceited.

But he's also

really cute.

Jenny, truth or dare.

Do you love Ricky King?

(GIRLS LAUGH)

Dare.

(GASPS)

Then your dare is, you have

to call Ricky up and tell

him you think he's cute!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

No way!

I even have

his number.

You have to. You have to!

Hi, Ricky?

Shh.

Jenny Szalinski.

Oh, I'm just having a party

with some of my friends,

at my uncle's house.

Yeah. The one

with the weirdo mailbox.

(LAUGHTER)

Listen, um,

I just called to tell you...

The reason

I was calling you...

I think you're cute.

(ALL SCREAMING)

HOLLY: I never thought

you'd say that!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Something to drink?

We'll be right back.

(ALL GIGGLING)

GIRL: Oh, my God.

Adam, Adam!

Adam, wait up.

I have to go upstairs

for a second.

I'll be right back.

Watch out!

Here comes your son.

(MOANING)

PATTY: Hi, honey.

GORDON: Hey, Mitchy!

(GRUNTING)

Honey. Honey. Honey!

He's in pain.

What's wrong?

If he doesn't get some

potassium in his system

right away,

he could pass out!

We've gotta get downstairs

to the kitchen and

get those pills.

(GIRLS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Don't worry, sweetheart.

Mommy's right here.

She's right here.

We've gotta get downstairs,

and fast.

Geez. That doesn't

look safe.

There's no other way down,

is there, Wayne?

Well, it's certainly

the fastest route,

and it's the same basic

concept as a parachute.

If we stand in front

of the nozzle as the bubble's

being created,

I think the surface tension

should hold our weight.

"Should"?

I don't like "should."

It's decided.

I'm going.

I'm going with you, Patty.

Well, then we'll head

to the stereo and meet up

with you later.

Are you gonna be

okay doing this?

I know I've never been

a very brave person.

But for some reason,

right now I don't know fear.

When I thought the cockroach

was gonna eat you,

I've never been so scared

in my whole life.

I love everything about you,

Diane, and I promise things

are gonna get better.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, you don't know

how glad I am to hear you

say that.

I love everything

about you too.

You know, except for

this shrinking stuff.

Mmm.

Step in front of the nozzle

after the next ring.

Now.

One, two, three, jump!

DIANE: Okay, okay, okay.

Here we go. Ooh.

(DIANE LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, it's working.

DIANE: Bye! Bye!

I told her not

to have a party.

At least there

aren't any boys.

PATTY: Really.

Okay. Oh!

All right.

They made it to safety.

(EXHALES)

We'd better get to

the kitchen and get

Mitch's medicine.

Yeah.

After you.

Ready, Butch?

Ready, Sundance.

BOTH: Ooh, shoot!

Whoa. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey! It's a bubble.

Oh, yeah. It's a bubble.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GIRLS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I'm hot.

I'll be back.

GORDON: Whoa, ooh!

(AIR WHOOSHES)

Ooh.

Hang on.

To what?

Wayne?

What?

Wayne.

(GASPS)

Oh!

Ooh.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Gordon.

Yeah?

Before you die,

there's a bright light,

isn't there?

GORDON: Yeah.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, no!

Chip and dip is served.

(SCREAMING)

Here you go.

Gordon. We're alive.

(LAUGHING)

We've been saved by...

Onion dip.

My God. We owe

our lives to an appetizer.

(BOTH LAUGH)

MITCH: Adam, let's go

get some root beer.

Let's get outta here

before we get eaten.

Relax, Gordon.

They're teenage girls.

How much could they eat?

BOTH: No!

GORDON: Watch out!

Aah! Aah! Oh!

Oh, boy.

They're everywhere!

Go! Oh. Got me.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Whoa! Watch out!

Ah! Aah! No!

Do the breaststroke.

Breaststroke.

Mmm, you're like a cow!

(YELLING)

Jill.

You're making a mess!

Well, this stuff

is really good.

What's in it?

The Szalinski

brothers.

(MOANING)

Well, here we are.

Well, how are we gonna

get up the counter?

(SIGHS)

There must be a way.

Dare.

Ooh. Sucker.

Okay. I dare you to do

your monkey impression.

(LAUGHING)

Want a napkin?

Yeah.

You know, I've been

watchin' the kids.

The girls really seem

to like Mitch.

(LAUGHTER)

GORDON:

He's makin' 'em laugh.

But the guy that really

impresses me is Adam.

He seems so cool,

confident.

Yeah, he's so different

from me.

You know, I was a complete

loser when I was that age.

And when I was a teenager.

And through

most of college.

(SIGHS)

Heck, I only met Diane

'cause I bashed into her car.

Come on.

I'll race you to the stereo.

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Come on!

Wayne! Whoa!

(GASPS)

You're gonna love this!

(YELLING)

(CHUCKLES)

Head start. No fair! Whee!

I'm coming, bro!

Whoa! Come on!

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

And the man does

a belly burner!

I haven't done that

since I was little!

(LAUGHING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Shh.

(MUSIC TURNS OFF)

It's probably

just the neighbors.

Give me the doll.

HOLLY: Here. What are

you gonna do with it?

Shh.

(GIRLS GIGGLING)

Okay.

(SHUSHING)

(EXHALES)

Hey, Jen.

Ricky King.

What are you doing here?

Well, you said

you were having a party,

so we figured we'd drop by.

Hi, Vince. Hi, Trey.

BOTH: Hey.

What do you got there?

Oh, nothing!

Come on, guys.

Let's show 'em how

to have a real party.

Man, this place is hot.

GIRL: Ricky King!

How are you?

RICKY: Hello, girls.

HOLLY: Hi, Ricky!

GORDON: Oh, great.

Teenage boys.

There are now

teenage boys

at this party.

Hey! My stereo!

Hey, my daughter.

Maybe there's

a stepladder.

(GASPS)

Oh. Oh, no.

(WHIMPERS)

(SHUDDERING)

God, why didn't I squash him

when I had the chance?

Excellent CDs.

Um, do you have

a remote around here?

Yeah. Do you want me

to turn it on?

Uh, no.

I want you to

hand it over.

No. Give me that!

(LAUGHING)

Watch this.

Hey, I wanna

sit there, man.

Hmm?

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Hey, cut it out!

He was there first!

So what,

he had dibs on it?

This gum wrapper

will do the trick.

What are these

little kids doing here?

Yeah. I mean,

you're too small.

You must be, um, this

tall to stay downstairs.

(GIRLS LAUGH)

MITCH: I'm calling mom.

This is getting

way out of hand.

Who does he think he is?

You can't push my kid

around like that!

You are dead meat, mister!

Gordon. You're three quarters

of an inch tall.

Now is not the time.

Now, help me

with this foil!

Why isn't

he coming after us?

I don't know.

Maybe he's gone.

Oh, look, his leg is caught

in the spider web.

Oh, that's so sad.

And daddy longlegs

are good bugs.

They eat mosquitoes

and leave humans

entirely alone.

What? Is there

a daddy longlegs

ad council

that feeds out this

positive information?

Let's go.

No, Diane. I think

we should help him.

(STRUGGLING)

Daddy, we're your friends.

We come in peace.

(CHIRPING)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I think he understood me.

Um... Diane.

Do you have a, um...

A nail file?

Yes.

Okay.

'Cause while I'm filing,

I want you to talk to him.

You know, distract him

(CLEARS THROAT)

so he doesn't

flail around a lot.

Talk to him?

Talk to a bug.

You know.

Find some common ground.

You both spend

a lot of time

in this kitchen.

(SIGHING)

All righty.

Hi. My name's Diane.

I see you've been

enjoying some of the crumbs

from the coffee cake I made.

(CHIRPS)

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Okay. Okay, giant spider leg

on my shoulder!

It's okay. It's okay.

He likes you.

Just keep talking.

What can we talk about?

What can we talk about?

Let's see.

Uh, you have any kids?

(CHIRPS)

Silly me.

You probably have hundreds.

Oh, oh!

That better?

Thank you.

Oh, we've had

such a lousy day.

You've had a pretty bad one

yourself, haven't you?

But for you,

you're used to being small.

For us, it's a completely

new experience.

For me, very scary.

Although, you know,

parts of it were actually...

Kind of nice.

(CHIRPS)

(SHUDDERS)

All done. (CHUCKLES)

Really?

Last strand.

Do you think he heard what

I said about squashing him?

PATTY: Oh, look.

It's going up the cabinet.

Hey, that's it.

Diane, that's our ride!

Come back!

Come back!

Daddy, come back.

We need you!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sure?

That's weird.

Okay. Bye.

They said our moms

never made it.

You're kidding.

No.

Okay. Well, let's

just call our dads.

But they didn't

leave a number.

Okay. Just calm down.

Don't panic.

But if our moms

aren't at that place,

then where are they?

PATTY: So tell me

how you do that again?

Okay. So then I just

toss in some garbanzo beans

and crumble in

some tortilla chips,

and I call it

a Mexican salad.

DIANE: (CHUCKLES)

That is great.

I'm gonna have to

try that sometime.

The other thing,

you can call something

a Chinese salad

if you throw in some of

those mandarin oranges

and some of those

little Chinese Chung Ku

squiggly little noodles.

You are so good

at those things.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(LAUGHTER)

Come on!

This is where

we split up.

You're gonna climb

into the mid-range.

I'm gonna rewire

the stereo so the speaker

becomes a microphone.

Now, when the music cuts out,

you yell into that speaker

as loud as you can.

All right. I'm goin' in.

Good luck.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh, ooh.

Gee. Follow this circuit.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Oh, thank God.

A slow song.

Come on, Jen.

You don't

look so good.

You feelin' okay?

Uh, I'm okay.

PATTY: Now, we have

to get Mitch's pills.

Remember, I left them

right by the cereal.

Hey, there's something

I want to tell you.

What?

I can't say it here.

Let's go

into the kitchen.

GORDON: Hey!

Hurry up, Wayne.

I want so much

to yell at these kids.

So. Here we are.

This is the kitchen.

Hey, look.

Good, 'cause you know...

(PATTY YELPS)

I really wanted to

be alone with you.

Ew, look.

Dirty fingernails.

Really?

Yeah.

'Cause the truth is, Jenny,

I think you're awesome.

Awesome?

Don't fall for it, Jenny.

He's just

giving you a line.

You do? You think

I'm awesome?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You're cooler

than all the other girls.

(EXHALES)

Um, so what is it

you wanted to tell me?

Nothing. Mostly I just

wanted to do this.

(STUTTERS)

What is she doing?

She's too young.

She doesn't even know

that boy!

What are you doing?

Kissing you.

Well, uh,

you didn't ever ask.

Ask what?

Ask if I wanted

to kiss you.

What are you

talking about?

You just assume that

I wanted you to kiss me.

I mean,

I don't even know you.

And even if I did know you

and we talked

and you got to know me,

and you asked me

if I wanted to kiss,

I might've been into it.

But the way you did it

was just wrong.

Well, lots of girls

like that.

Well, I'm not

one of them.

I don't happen

to think that way.

And as far as

you and I are concerned,

the party is over.

(LAUGHS)

You tell him, Jenny.

Access denied!

DIANE: That is one

good kid you have.

(CHUCKLES)

And you know what?

She can take care

of herself.

Okay. Mike in

and line out.

(ELECTRONIC HUMMING)

Maybe my pills

are in here.

If I don't find

my medicine soon,

something bad's

gonna happen.

(SIGHS)

Well, I'll look over here.

I'll look over here.

(MOANS)

Mitch looks terrible.

We've gotta find

those pills.

There they are!

(GASPS)

BOTH: Mitch! Mitch! Mitch!

Mitch, honey!

Mitch! Mitch!

DIANE: Mitch, look at us!

PATTY: Mitch,

we're right here.

PATTY: Your pills

are over here!

Mom?

Yeah!

Oh, no! He's fainted!

Mitch!

The paralysis could

last 24 hours.

We have got to get

those pills where the kids

can see them! Come on.

ADAM: Mitch, Mitch!

What's wrong?

What's going on?

Come on, Mitch. Come on.

I don't know.

Mitch just fainted.

I can't find his medicine.

What are we gonna do?

Okay. Get on the side

and try to roll it

that way.

DIANE: Over that way.

Okay!

Here we go. Got it?

Yeah.

I got it. I got it. Push.

Mitch has got a potassium

deficiency, so you look

in the refrigerator

and find something

with potassium.

Check all the labels.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Push again.

Come on. Up.

I haven't worked this hard

since I gave birth to Adam!

Milk has Vitamin D

and Calcium.

No potassium.

JENNY: Keep looking.

Come on, Mitch.

Mitch. Come on.

It's not gonna work.

It's no use.

(EXHALES)

It's gonna be

up to the kids.

What?

Come on.

Oh, God.

Potassium, potassium,

potassium.

Bananas! Bananas have

potassium. Lots of it!

Here, come on.

Get some pieces.

Let's see if we can

get him... Come on, Mitch.

(MOANS)

Let's see if we can

get him to chew.

Come on. Come on, wake up.

Come on.

Give me a piece.

Come on, Mitch.

Oh.

JENNY: Give me

another piece. Hurry.

ADAM: Come on, Mitch.

JENNY: Oh, please,

let this work.

Get another piece ready.

Get another piece. Chew.

Chew, Mitch. Chew.

Chew it up good.

Give me another piece.

One more.

Come on, Mitch.

You can do it.

Oh, Mitch, Mitch.

Oh, please

let this work.

Come on, Mitch.

Okay, okay.

Come on, Mitch.

Come on. You can do it.

Come on, Mitch. Chew.

Okay. Okay.

ADAM: Come on, Mitch.

Yes. Yes! Yes!

(LAUGHING)

It's workin'.

You're right. (CHUCKLES)

How'd you know bananas

have potassium?

I can't always ignore

my dad's science talk.

Hi, guys.

JENNY: Hey, Mitch.

How you feelin'?

A little dizzy.

But okay, I guess.

I saw Mom

on the counter.

(CHUCKLES) Sure. Right.

I did.

And she was... She was

really, really small.

Okay.

(THUD)

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

What was that?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

My dad's bookshelf!

Oh, damn it, Wayne.

What's taking so long?

Ricky King! What do

you think you're doing?

(MUSIC TURNS OFF)

Calling all kids!

Calling all kids!

Excuse me,

but I like that song.

Now, this should

hold the current.

So if I... Whoa!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

I told you the party's over.

Everybody out.

Yeah? Well, maybe

we're not ready to leave.

(REMOTE CONTROL CLICKS)

(ROCK MUSIC RESUMES)

(MOANS)

Did you not hear her?

She said the party's over.

So why don't you leave before

you cause any more damage?

What? Your dad's

stupid inventions?

His inventions

are not stupid.

His shrink ray's going

to the Smithsonian.

I didn't know your dad

invented a shrink ray.

What does he shrink with it?

Hemorrhoids?

(ALL LAUGHING)

That is not funny.

Admit it, Adam.

Your dad's a loser.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

He is not.

And if he were here,

he'd kill you for what you've

done to his bookshelf.

Is that so, daddy's boy?

Well, he's not here.

So, I guess you're gonna

have to do something

about it.

(STUTTERS)

Well, maybe I will.

(GRUNTS)

What are you gonna

do about it, huh?

I wish Mom and Dad

were here.

Me too.

What are you gonna

do about it, huh?

(MICROPHONE WHINES)

Now, Gordon! Now!

Listen!

Listen to me, children.

I want you all to

stop what you are doing!

BOY: Huh?

GIRL: Shh.

Who said that?

This is the voice

of G... God.

Yes! God is

talking to you.

And I want you all

to leave this house!

God sounds

a lot like Dad.

Yeah, you're right.

Is he here?

GORDON: Normally,

I would have been silent.

But your outrageous

behavior tonight has

forced me to speak!

It's just a trick.

GORDON:

Is that so, Ricky King?

Then how come I know

you live on Sycamore?

Your dad's name is Mel.

And your mom is...

Cindy!

This is getting weird.

Now I said I want you out!

What's the...

O-U-T!

Let's go, guys.

Yes. Oh, yes. Run.

Quickly. Run.

(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)

Or I will swoop down,

and teach you all a lesson

in proper party etiquette!

I will bring plaque

to your tiny teeth.

So brush,

I tell you! Brush!

(LAUGHS)

Okay, Dad.

They're gone.

You can stop

acting like God now.

Oh. Sorry.

So, uh,

where's the camera?

Yeah. Where are you

broadcasting from?

GORDON: Right here,

in the room.

Your dad shrunk us.

You're kidding.

No. Now give me a hand.

I'm over here

by the left speaker.

That means he saw us

rollerblading in the house.

And I wasn't

wearing my pads.

You know, Dad, I didn't

invite those boys over.

I swear.

I know. I know.

Wayne and I saw everything.

That's right. You weren't

in the kitchen, were you?

No! No.

But your mothers were.

Oh, God.

I told you I saw them.

Now, listen to me, kids.

These may be the most

important instructions

I ever give you.

Jenny. Go run and find

a piece of paper.

And, Adam,

go up to your room.

Look under

the laundry basket.

Get the shark car.

Come on down here.

And, Wayne, meet me

in front of the receiver.

I last saw them

over here.

Okay.

Careful not to squish 'em.

No, no, no, no!

Careful.

Here. Use this, okay?

I'm gonna go find

our dads.

Don't move anything.

ADAM: Okay, Uncle Gordon.

Hop in. Now let's go

find my dad.

Mom?

Mom?

Aunt Diane?

Let me see it.

Okay.

BOTH: Hi!

(CHUCKLES)

Hi.

ADAM: Okay, Dad.

Attaboy, son!

Yes!

Where are the wives?

Mitch is pickin'

'em up. Hop in.

(CONTROLS BEEPING)

Careful. Careful.

Set it down easy.

I know, I know.

I am.

Look, they made it.

(LAUGHS)

ALL: We did it!

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(MACHINE BEEPS)

Wait! The machine.

Oh.

Don't forget the car.

What happens now?

We wait until

it hits critical mass,

and then push this button.

Wait a minute.

Do we really

want to do this?

I mean, I got a hamster

cage in my room.

I mean, we could

leave 'em shrunk,

and they'll never tell us

what to do again.

Wow, total freedom.

I suppose we could wait,

like, a week.

I don't like

the looks of that.

If those kids

don't unshrink us,

they are going to be

in so much trouble.

Oh, really?

What are you gonna

do about it, Thumbelina?

(MACHINE REVVING)

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

I say we give 'em

a second chance.

Good idea.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ready? One, two...

Three.

(ZAPPING)

Whoa! It worked!

(LAUGHS)

WAYNE: Way to go, guys!

(ALL LAUGHING)

I was so worried

about you!

I was worried

about you, too, sweetie.

But you know what,

you were in good hands.

This one.

(LAUGHS) Oh, Mom.

About that

Ricky King thing...

Sweetheart, I was

so proud of you,

the way you handled

yourself with that boy,

and the way you took care

of your brother.

From now on, I trust you.

Speaking of trust.

I saw the magazine.

They forced me to look at it.

I didn't want to!

It's okay. It's okay.

The point is,

I should've listened

to you

when you said

you didn't want to go

to Camp Isosceles

this summer.

Me too.

How about if we send you

to baseball camp?

(CHUCKLES) Wow.

Look, if you wanna be

a scientist, that's great.

But if you wanna

be a baseball player,

that's great, too.

You should do

whatever suits you.

You mean it?

I do. I'll prove it.

Gordon.

I shouldn't be president

of Szalinski Labs, Gordon.

I'm no good at it.

I should be inventing things.

That's what

I like to do.

But you, you're...

You're great at

organizing things and

dealing with people.

And you never forget

what day of the week it is.

What do you say?

Will you be president

of the company?

Will you take the job?

(SIGHS) Mmm. You bet!

(LAUGHS) This is great!

I'm gonna have

so much fun.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, honey.

Diane, I promise,

I'll get rid of

the Tiki Man.

No. Wayne,

I'm not gonna sweat

the small stuff anymore.

I want you to have fun.

Wayne, do whatever

you want with

the Tiki Man.

(ALL LAUGHING)

WAYNE: I had no idea

baseball had that

much math in it,

or that my son would be

such a good catcher.

Yeah. I bet you were

the only dad there

that could figure out

the whole team's

batting average

instantly in his head.

We're just glad you

had a good time, honey,

and even happier

you're home.

Yeah, it's good

to be back.

Hey, did you make any

changes while I was gone?

Well, I did

move the Tiki Man

into the backyard.

What do you think?