All language subtitles for Home for Christmas - 01x02 - Heavy Dating.WEBRip.x264-STRiFE+ION10.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,520 A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES 2 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:09,920 DECEMBER 3RD 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,281 - Thanks for coming to see it with me. - Don't mention it. 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,760 It's crazy how much I love that movie! 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,440 I can't figure out for the life of me 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,400 how that movie ended up becoming such a cult classic. 7 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,480 I can't... 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,720 I'm pretty sure it's a scientific fact that everyone likes Love Actually! 9 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,640 Honestly, you could see more impressive piles of horseshit on any horse farm. 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,440 You're kind of being super closed-minded. I'd say, he isn't entirely incorrect. 11 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,920 There are some logical flaws in that storyline. 12 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,360 I cherish it more than my family! 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,040 One thing is how unrealistic it is. Like, where do I even begin? 14 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,360 Look at the female characters. It screams of patriarchal gender norms. 15 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,440 You have a bunch of women, written as pathetic husks of human flesh, 16 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,280 just waiting for a man to enter their life 17 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,600 and give them motivation or a reason to speak. 18 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,920 It's completely primeval and, honestly, absurd. 19 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,640 But then you have the screenwriter guy who owns a country house in Portugal. 20 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,600 He randomly travels down there and falls in love with this cleaning lady 21 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:13,080 who, as it so happens, doesn't speak a goddamn lick of English. 22 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,536 The writers are, like, "How can we make this love story work? 23 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,400 I know! Hire a hot actress." 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,960 The character is as poor as she is attractive, but don't worry, 25 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,280 he's somehow rich, even though he's a writer. 26 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,240 So, he begins learning Portuguese using some kind of audiobook, right? 27 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:28,800 And in the space of two or three days, he ends up fluent in her native language. 28 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,320 It's a Christmas miracle! 29 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,320 He'll just win her hand in marriage by saying "I love you" in Portuguese. 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,000 Yeah, because that would totally happen! 31 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,000 I always cry when I watch that scene. 32 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,440 What for? 33 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,480 Because he doesn't go for the fat sister? 34 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,240 Your problem is you don't really give people a chance. 35 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,760 You have to learn to say yes. 36 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,040 Yes! 37 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:50,200 - No, but... - Not "no, but." 38 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,000 - "Yes, but..." - OK, but let me finish the story. 39 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,680 Come on! I mean... 40 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,560 Purchasing jewelry for a co-worker does not equate to having an affair. 41 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,760 - It's a rom-com. Don't overthink it. - Yeah, OK. 42 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,760 - Want an apple? - No, thank you. 43 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,320 Two apples. 44 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:09,080 And that guy Huge Grant... In what world would a clown like that be Prime Minister? 45 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,600 So, he has a chauffeur, right, who has to drive this jerk around at night, 46 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,840 looking for a random street, where they just start knocking on doors? 47 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,960 Oh, really? The Head of State? Yeah, right! 48 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,920 And then, instead of telling the truth, Huge starts singing Christmas carols... 49 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,240 - Hugh. - Hmm? 50 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,296 - He's called Hugh. Grant. - The chauffeur... Yeah. 51 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,760 Huge's chauffeur, out of nowhere, 52 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,720 starts randomly singing with that whole classically-trained, opera-type voice. 53 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,800 Uh-uh. 54 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,160 Sorry, it's not my cup of tea. I like my films more cinema vérité. 55 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,240 You can just Venmo me the money for that later. 56 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,360 He said that? 57 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,800 - Like, for the apple on a stick? - Yes! 58 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,600 That's a fucking good one. 59 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,080 Man! 60 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:53,520 OK, give me your phone. 61 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:54,840 Why? 62 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,720 We're going to pimp your love life situation here. 63 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,240 I'd rather you not. 64 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,280 - Got it. - Right. It's not going to work. 65 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,040 How about you get off your ass and be more proactive, 66 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,640 not so reactive? 67 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,520 Even Cinderella was proactive. 68 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,720 Well, when I think about it, she was kind of passive, 69 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,800 like, when that prince was looking for her. 70 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,000 I want that part of the movie to die in a fire, 71 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,840 but, when that shoe fits, I cry like a little bitch. 72 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,240 Are you sure you're not a gay man inside? 73 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,280 Hmm? So, what do you want? 74 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,040 Women, men, her, they, it, what? 75 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,560 - Huh? - Huh? 76 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,880 - What? - What? I have no idea what you like. 77 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,560 Don't blame me. You've been celibate since I moved in here. 78 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,160 Men! 79 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,720 OK. Men. 80 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,560 - Yeah. - How old? 81 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,080 - Give or take two or three years. - That's way too limiting. I'll put seven. 82 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,600 Huh? No, I mean it. No more than two years younger. 83 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,400 - Two! - Look here. Smile! 84 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:48,800 Perfect! 85 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,840 - You weren't just playing? - It's fine. You look totally bangable. 86 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,920 Now I've upgraded your account. 87 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:57,760 Want more of this? 88 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,640 Yeah. Thanks. 89 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:09,840 ♪ I want you for Christmas ♪ 90 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,320 What's in your sprinkle concoction? 91 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,400 There is chocolate, chili, caramel, 92 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,560 thyme, coffee grounds and truffle. 93 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,760 - You're kidding, right? - I kid you not. 94 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,839 Yeah! 95 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,440 Called that shit! You're totally a dude magnet. 96 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,600 What are you talking about? 97 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,400 You've already had ten hits in half a minute! 98 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,200 Let me see! Let me see. 99 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:36,920 No way! 100 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:37,880 He's alright. 101 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,560 Wow, wait. "I'm taller than you'd assume." What is that? 102 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,440 Girl! If this seemingly cute and totally down-to-earth plumber from Grorud, 103 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,040 who claims to be even taller than you'd assume, isn't for you, 104 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,840 then you're beyond help, from me, the universe, the whole shebang. 105 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,360 OK? 106 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,200 And also, a plumber from Grorud? 107 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,320 Sounds like a Harlequin romance. 108 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,240 Plus it's practical: he can do our bathroom renovations. 109 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,120 So, I date a short plumber guy for what? A makeover? 110 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,360 Mm-hmm, exactly. 111 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,760 And it says he wants to meet you at an escape room. 112 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,560 That's romantic AF. 113 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,000 DECEMBER 4TH 114 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,080 Finally. 115 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,320 Dear mafia brothers, mafia sisters, 116 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,280 welcome to Brooklyn, the year 1952. 117 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,360 Welcome to Chris Donovan's home. 118 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,720 Welcome to the great Christmas mystery. 119 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,840 - Have you done escape rooms before? - Yeah! 120 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,000 No, I actually haven't. 121 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,840 Here's how it works: you'll get locked into this room here. 122 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,800 The objective is to look for clues and solve puzzles 123 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,080 so you can make your way into the holy room right there. 124 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,400 That's where you'll find the big Christmas Mystery you'll be solving today. 125 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,120 - Yeah! - Use your creativity. 126 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,440 - Combine your senses and work together. - Yeah. 127 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:44,640 Yeah. 128 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,760 Your Santa hats - here's one for you and one for you. 129 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:48,840 Beautiful. 130 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,840 When the door closes, I'll start the clock. 131 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:52,920 And remember... 132 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,280 you never saw me! 133 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:55,360 OK. 134 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,896 I've got to say, I think that escalated pretty quickly. 135 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,880 Bitch! 136 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,640 How about that, you jolly-ass motherfucker? Huh? 137 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,080 - Did that guy really ban me for two years? - Hmm. 138 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,560 He didn't mean it, do you think? Because, like... 139 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,760 - He totally did. - Fuck! That sucks my ass. 140 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,360 I'm just really into escape rooms, if you can't tell. 141 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,400 - So, like, you and I are... - No. 142 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,560 - Right? You can feel it, too? - Yeah, no. 143 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:27,960 This is fucking rad! 144 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800 The most awesome date ever, hands down! 145 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:31,880 OK. 146 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,440 You feel it? 147 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,080 - This sort of... - Yeah. 148 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:44,560 That's good. Intellectually, you and I... We're in such different places. 149 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:49,400 I thought that I'd just get it out there, so we can move on and let it go. 150 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,280 Hmm. 151 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,560 Because you are a good woman, and don't you forget that. 152 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,640 Got it. 153 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,000 I was just thinking, if we're going to be having discussions in the future, 154 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,720 there would be a problem if we pretend like... 155 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,840 Wait, stop talking right now. Do you know what the real problem is? 156 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,480 That I didn't have the self-respect to just peace out 157 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,720 when you went bananas and beat the snot out of Santa! 158 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:13,120 I want a guy who's nice and not crazy, but obviously that's too much to ask. 159 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,360 I'm so tired of men. 160 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,240 I'm losing my fucking mind! 161 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,560 But you're the one screaming and leaving. That's not very nice. 162 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,080 - Johanne? - Hey! 163 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,840 Help me! 164 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,160 - Help. - Bad day? 165 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,160 More like bad date. 166 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,640 Girls want a nice guy, but when a nice guy... 167 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,880 - Is he gone? - He's just kind of standing there. 168 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,680 Why is he standing there? 169 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:37,400 Is everything alright? 170 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,880 I was just banned for two years from my favorite escape room. 171 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:40,920 Oh. 172 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,920 Yeah, about that... Let's not. 173 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,000 - You were just leaving, weren't you? - Was I? 174 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,680 Yeah. 175 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,400 Yeah. 176 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:50,960 Yeah. 177 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,120 Call it a day. 178 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,280 How is that dude not your prince charming? 179 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,000 I don't understand anything. 180 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,360 I've been on so many dates, and these guys talk at and over me. 181 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,760 They don't listen at all. 182 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,080 And I have a lot to say, 183 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,160 if they would just let me get two words into the conversation, 184 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,080 but they don't want to hear my thoughts. 185 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,040 And I don't get why they would even bother dating me if they're not interested in... 186 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,760 well, me. 187 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:20,760 - I get it. - Yeah? 188 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,920 Why don't you come in and spill the tea, as they say? 189 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,880 - I could throw in a free drink. - Well... 190 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,760 - Hey! - Hi! 191 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,600 - Hi. Hello! - Hi! 192 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,600 - Gosh. - Hey. 193 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,560 Hey. 194 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,040 Some last-minute Christmas gift shopping? 195 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,760 How about that? I... You figured me out. 196 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,400 Doing it before Christmas Eve 197 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,280 means I'm not running around like a chicken with its head cut off. 198 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,039 - So, are you back to crocheting this year? - Yeah, yeah. 199 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,600 - Yeah. - Yeah. 200 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:47,960 Last Christmas, she made presents for us. 201 00:08:48,039 --> 00:08:50,960 Trym adores those ponchos. He puts them on the kids all the time. 202 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,000 Oh, that's so sweet. 203 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,000 - Well, then... - Time to get back to the grind, or... 204 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,000 - Right. - Do you guys want a drink? 205 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,720 To warm up? Why not? 206 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,640 - Yes. - Listen to your girlfriend. 207 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:05,360 Yeah, well, actually, I have to work. 208 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,440 Right. 209 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:07,920 I get it. 210 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,480 - OK, have fun. See you. - OK, girl. 211 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,840 - Bye. - See you around. 212 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,216 Hey! 213 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,320 Oh, my God! 214 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,880 Just look at your face! 215 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,040 Are you trying to kill me now? 216 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,200 Yeah. 217 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:40,960 What a lovely thought! 218 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,760 How are we today? 219 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,960 One foot in the grave. 220 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,200 But that's what gives life such suspense. 221 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,600 At any moment, I could keel over. 222 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,720 The same with cigarettes - 223 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,560 any one of them could be my last in this life, 224 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,400 and that's why they taste extra good! 225 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,640 But, anyway, how did it go with your little date? 226 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:02,880 Yeah... 227 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,400 All my dates have been a bouquet of flowers dipped in shit. 228 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,280 - Is that a local expression? - Hmm? Shit? 229 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,960 Stop it! What am I going to do with you, huh? 230 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,440 How about you don't be so quick to judge all these poor men? 231 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,080 What do you mean by that? 232 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,560 I mean, dummy, you need to give them a chance. 233 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,520 Or two. Or three thousand. 234 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,720 That's how I managed to have so much game. 235 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,760 But aren't you, like, the three or four-time divorce hall of famer? 236 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:29,640 Sure, sure. 237 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,320 But I can't help the fact that my milkshake brings them to my yard. 238 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,120 - I can imagine. - Yeah. 239 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,640 Become more like me and you'll be a magnet to men. 240 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,800 How about you give me some Trine lessons? 241 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:46,400 Becoming me isn't something you can learn. You've either got it, or you don't. 242 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,360 - OK. - I mean, take a look at you. 243 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,160 - Yeah, what about me? - Start with that unflattering uniform. 244 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,280 - Where are your girls? - My girls? 245 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:54,280 - Yeah. - Here. 246 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,600 They're not super giant, but they feel nice. 247 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,840 Put them where I can see. 248 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,880 - Boom! - Ha! That's what I'm talking about. 249 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,160 - Nice. - Yeah? 250 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,280 Johanne, give me trouble. Sassy! Go! 251 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,880 And the neck... See, that's good stuff. 252 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,840 More of that, please. Yes! 253 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,440 - Atta girl! - OK. 254 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,120 Show me. Up! 255 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,800 You've got it. 256 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,160 Hey! Foosky. Foosky? 257 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,080 Enjoying the entertainment? 258 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,760 - Because hospitals are fun and games. - Sorry. 259 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,320 I have you in 137. Bengt-Erik Løvskog. 260 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,280 - Atrial fibrillation. - Løvskog? 261 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,000 As in the politician lobbying to streamline healthcare? 262 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:04,600 The one and only, yes. 263 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:14,576 - Hey. - Hello. 264 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,880 How are you doing today? 265 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:17,840 Good, but I've felt better. 266 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:19,840 Fair. 267 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,360 - Your heart looks fine. - Hmm, really? 268 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,800 Anyway, my name is Johanne and I'll be taking care of you. 269 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,040 And you would be the politician Bengt-Erik Løvskog. 270 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,280 Guilty! Can you do me a favor? 271 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,600 Yes, of course. 272 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,800 I've been stuck breathing in this depressing hospital air. 273 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,320 Uh-huh. 274 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,880 Could you sneak me outside for some fresh air? 275 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,120 Now? 276 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,400 I've got to be in the great outdoors. 277 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,320 Yeah, well, your vital signs look pretty good... 278 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 so that's fine. 279 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,520 Woohoo. 280 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,880 - Damn, that feels good! - Hmm. 281 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,160 Tied the knot? 282 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,680 No. Have you? 283 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,360 But she passed. 284 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,760 I took my wife to the movies when I first asked her out. 285 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,520 - Yeah? - If you think about it... 286 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,960 Compared to you, that film would be ancient now. 287 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,200 You weren't even born then. 288 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,000 I don't know know. I might be older than you think. 289 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:27,880 Hit me with it. 290 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,960 - I'm thirty. - I don't believe it. 291 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,280 Just got your learner's permit? 292 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,160 - How long has she been gone? - Fifteen years. 293 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:40,880 Cancer. 294 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,160 But I've had other women since, trust me. 295 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,320 I don't doubt it. 296 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,120 This is clearly not a busy shift, huh? 297 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,200 It's quite an adventure following you around today. 298 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,680 It's been truly eye-opening. 299 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,896 - I guess playtime is over? - Yes, sir. 300 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,080 Johanne here 301 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,120 enjoys giving patients the full service experience: 302 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,960 the unapproved walks and strolls, 303 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,600 and things that could get her in hot water 304 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,280 with hospital management, but most importantly, me, 305 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,120 not that that seems to matter much. 306 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,200 It's been interesting to see your priorities, Johanne. 307 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,840 Good times. 308 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,480 What do you mean, "dangerous"? 309 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,320 Don't give up because escape room guy lost it. 310 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,520 Easy for you to say. The dude followed me. 311 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,880 I've been giving it a lot of thought, and it's like house hunting, you know? 312 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,320 You need to look around, go to viewings... 313 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,200 You never buy the first place you see. 314 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,600 You place some bids here and there, you lose a few, and then... bam! 315 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:34,880 There's your dream home. 316 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,320 But you may have to look for six months before you find it. 317 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,680 Put yourself back out there. 318 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,600 - I'm telling you, it's dangerous. - Sure, OK. 319 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,720 Escape room plumber guy was literally crazy. 320 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,480 Nah, we just need a guy who's a bit sportier. 321 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:49,480 What? 322 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,160 Except I'm not sporty. 323 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,240 You're way sportier than me. 324 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,640 Like this guy... Athletic dreamboat. Stein. 325 00:14:58,720 --> 00:14:59,720 Look. 326 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,440 - Not bad! - Right? 327 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:05,840 What are you doing? 328 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:08,760 Sent. 329 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,440 - What did you just send? - Meet me tomorrow. 330 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,120 Mm-hmm. 331 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,320 - What are you looking at? - Fuck. 332 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,520 Sporty Stein! 333 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:22,720 DECEMBER 5TH 334 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,520 Just trying to warm up my triceps. 335 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,400 So I see. 336 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,336 Got it? 337 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,400 Yeah, I think. 338 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,440 - Here. Let's just... - Oh! 339 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,480 And this guy here... 340 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,280 - It's alright that I'm...? - Mm-hmm. Oh, sorry! 341 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,760 - I don't... - One sec. 342 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,560 There you go. 343 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,600 - You all set? - Mm-hmm. 344 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,680 Let's do it. 345 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,800 - So, like this? - Mm-hmm. 346 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,440 Like that, yeah. 347 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,600 If you enjoy spinning, I can get you some bike shoes, 348 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,640 so you can train this part here. 349 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,040 This old thing? 350 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,600 - Sorry for the touch. - No, it's fine. 351 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,120 It's cool of you to try this out. 352 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,160 Well, I'm sporty, so... 353 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,760 I get so nervous on a first date. 354 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,400 Staring at each other over coffee, 355 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,360 or in a dark movie theater. 356 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,080 Tell me about it. I am so goddamn over film dates, believe me. 357 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,480 - Yeah? - Hmm. 358 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,920 A nurse, huh? 359 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,800 Yeah. 360 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,720 That's fantastic. 361 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,480 You guys keep our society running. 362 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,840 Well, you and teachers. 363 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,080 - That's sweet. Thanks a lot. - I mean it. 364 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,000 Oh! Hey! 365 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,336 - Are you OK? - I think. 366 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,760 I'll be fine. 367 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,320 - Sorry. - Are you alright? 368 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,240 Is your crotch broken? 369 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,920 - Yeah. - Let me help you back up. 370 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:19,599 How did I do that? 371 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,400 - Thanks for saving my crotch. - No need to thank me. 372 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,240 It's fun playing the hero. 373 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,560 Yeah. 374 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:32,480 Oh... 375 00:17:32,839 --> 00:17:33,839 There. 376 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,600 - OK? - OK. 377 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,840 Let's go! 378 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,080 Thanks for the spin date. 379 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,560 Oh, yeah. 380 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,760 Right back at you, man. 381 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,400 Are you on the mend with...? 382 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,600 - My crotch? - Mm-hmm. 383 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,200 Yeah, she's doing better. 384 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,040 Do you have plans tomorrow? 385 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,360 No. 386 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,640 - OK. - Wait, hold on. I've got... 387 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,720 In the afternoon, I've got to be at the hospital. 388 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,760 Let's go skiing in the morning. 389 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:16,800 Call me if you have time. 390 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,600 - OK. I will. - OK? 391 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,800 - See you. - Alright, bye. 392 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,640 DECEMBER 6TH 393 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,120 Come on. 394 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,600 No! 395 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,600 Ready? 396 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,240 Yep. 397 00:18:58,560 --> 00:18:59,560 Let's go! 398 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,640 Damnit! 399 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,800 How's it going in second place? 400 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,520 Come on! 401 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:33,840 Looking good! 402 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,000 If you press down hard with your foot, 403 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,440 you'll get a better grip and center of gravity. 404 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:45,720 Whoo! 405 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,720 Wet conditions today. 406 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,160 You should get ski skins. 407 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,440 No, they're good. 408 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,880 OK, let's go! 409 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,240 Fuck. 410 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,080 Hi there! 411 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,480 Whoo! 412 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,560 Don't forget what I said. A better center of gravity like this... 413 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,120 Yeah, I didn't forget. 414 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,600 You don't need to talk to me like I'm a kindergarten student. 415 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,520 - I'm not three. - I'm just trying to give you some tips. 416 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,280 - Thanks. - OK? 417 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:38,840 - Yes. - Let's go! 418 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,320 Mm-hmm. 419 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,600 Let's go. 420 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,120 Yeah... 421 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,160 Whoo! 422 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,880 You really fell behind there. 423 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,000 You should have added some extra wax to your skis. 424 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,200 Yes, exactly. That's the problem. Thanks, Stein. 425 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,480 I was hoping we'd ski together, 426 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,440 not with you a million miles ahead, egging me on from the top. 427 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,480 And as soon as I reach it, you keep making me chase you. 428 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,080 I thought it was kind of flirty. 429 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,480 It's not romantic to embarrass me. 430 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,160 Oh, fuck! I need to be at work in 20 minutes. 431 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,760 I can give you a ride. Come on. I have heated seats and everything. 432 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,200 No, thanks. It will be fine. It's only a couple stops anyway, so yeah. 433 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,280 Yeah, OK. 434 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,360 Let's do something next week. Something that doesn't raise your pulse. 435 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,160 I have a lot of shifts I'm picking up. 436 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,600 Like, tons of broken bones, diseases, people overtraining and worse. 437 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,560 So, I'm going to need to go. 438 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,320 I'm super late, but it was nice seeing you. 439 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,880 - OK, bye! - OK... 440 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,560 How about the week after next? 441 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,880 Well, what an interesting time to arrive at work. 442 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,480 And did you ski in today? 443 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,680 Yeah, traffic was a bit of a parking... 444 00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,680 Right, so you just skied to the office? You don't think that's a bit ridiculous? 445 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,280 Yes. No. I mean, no, I think, but... 446 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,600 - Whatever you find amusing. - Thanks. 447 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,000 Oh, hi! 448 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,200 Oh, God. 449 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,200 - Hi. - Hi. 450 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,280 You're a skier? 451 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,120 Yep... 452 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,840 What's going on here? 453 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,840 Oh, I'm just going to kill myself! 454 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,280 So, how did it go? 455 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,960 I'm so fucking over this. 456 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,120 I'm never going on another date again, I swear. 457 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,960 I don't understand why people do this. I'm anti-dating now! 458 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,360 I just want to meet and have a chat. It doesn't even need to be good. 459 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,680 I'm fed up with some dumb hipster dude 460 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,880 picking apart my favorite movie of all time 461 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,640 while I accidentally stand in piles of reindeer shit. 462 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,960 I don't want to ski Holmenkollmarsjen until my toes fall off 463 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,480 and there's rug burn up in my fanny. 464 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,560 Sorry for the imagery. 465 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,080 And I definitely don't want to be locked in an escape room 466 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,400 with some insane little person, 467 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,440 while I count down the minutes to eternity. 468 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,960 Girl, I feel you. But we have a lot of dying patients to get to, so... 469 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,320 - Huh. There's that. - Can you check Mrs. Nergaard first? 470 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,600 - Yeah. OK. - Yep. 471 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,040 Come on, you stupid piece of... Stay there. 472 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:13,840 OK. 473 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,320 Jesus H Christ! Are you kidding me? 474 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,080 Not today, Satan! 475 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,320 I'll send you back to hell where you belong! 476 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,080 ♪ When you meet someone who has someone ♪ 477 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,080 ♪ Is it your fault if you fall in love? ♪ 478 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,840 ♪ When you know That you could hurt someone ♪ 479 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,640 ♪ Is it your fault if you get involved? ♪ 480 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,160 ♪ Tried to stay away... ♪ 481 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,280 Come on. 482 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,640 ♪ But no one gets to me like you ♪ 483 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,600 ♪ I got everything to lose ♪ 484 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,480 ♪ Yeah, I know ♪ 485 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,920 ♪ It's a mistake And my heart's gonna break ♪ 486 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:24,480 ♪ It'll probably take me years To get over ♪ 487 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,240 ♪ Even the hurt, yeah ♪ 488 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,200 ♪ I know that it's worth All the years it'll take ♪ 489 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:36,040 ♪ For me to get over you, you ♪ 490 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:44,360 ♪ Years to get over you, you ♪ 491 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,040 ♪ When you meet someone and have someone ♪ 492 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,760 ♪ And you're falling in and out of love ♪ 493 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,720 ♪ And when you're close to giving up ♪ 494 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,840 ♪ Just to give in to another touch ♪ 495 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,480 ♪ You'll be coming home to me ♪ 496 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,520 ♪ Sleeping where you shouldn't be ♪ 497 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,960 Check this out. You're the dude whisperer! 498 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,280 Where's the age limit? And did you do that bullshit of swiping right all guys? 499 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:21,560 Yes, see here! 500 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,160 Behind each dick pic is a guy with a heart of gold, or at least a guy. 501 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,240 And you have 28 of them to choose from. 502 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,040 Like him. He's real hot. 503 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:33,120 Jonas. 504 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,680 - If you're into 19-year-olds. - A grade A fuckboy. 505 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,320 But what do I say? 506 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,880 "Hey, I see you like long walks at sunset, dubstep and MILFs." 507 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,920 You could maybe open up with hello. 508 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,480 - He's 19. - You need to take control. Yeah? 509 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,960 If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work, but at least it's your call, right? 510 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,120 Find your spirit animal. Channel it. 511 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,440 Are you serious? 512 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,320 - OK. - Channel it. 513 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,200 - Harness your inner tiger. He's 19. - Really? 514 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,000 You totally have more experience. 515 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:05,920 That remains to be seen. 516 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,520 Put on that short-ass, bitching sparkly dress. 517 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,600 And then the ball will be in your court. Hopefully, they will be his balls. 518 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,160 - Proactive seduction. - Exactly. 519 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:33,880 DECEMBER 7TH 520 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,080 SORRY ABOUT THE SKI TRIP. 521 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,520 COFFEE SOMETIME? 522 00:26:58,280 --> 00:26:59,680 Johanne? 523 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:04,840 Jonas? 524 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,160 Hey. 525 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,240 Bubbles first, then dancing, or dancing first and bubbles later? 526 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,400 Bubbly first. 527 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,360 My pops. On Pop's card. 528 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,720 - Cheers... - Yeah, cheers to Papa. 529 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:46,320 - No! - I was two. 530 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,080 - Like, in diapers? It's hard to hear. - I don't remember any of it. 531 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:50,640 Oh, my God. 532 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,040 Holy shit. That's wild. 533 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:30,760 ♪ Our story's after the end Like strangers ♪ 534 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:35,280 ♪ Perfect pretenders ♪ 535 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:40,200 ♪ We're falling head over heels For something that ain't real ♪ 536 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,240 ♪ It could never be us ♪ 537 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,960 - Are your parents coming home? - No, they're in Stockholm. 538 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:48,840 OK. OK. 539 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:00,920 Oh, I'm going to come. 540 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,000 - Uh! - Holy shit! 541 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:30,520 Is this real? 542 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,000 Wait, not so hard. Not so hard. 543 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,840 - OK. - OK. 544 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,440 A little harder than that. 545 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,560 Oh, yeah. 546 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,520 I'm coming. 547 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:10,320 OK. 548 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,160 Oh, my God... 40648

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