All language subtitles for Home for Christmas - 01x01 - The Big Christmas Lie.WEBRip.x264-STRiFE+ION10.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,800 A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES 2 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,400 [woman] This is me. 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Johanne. 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,280 Thirty years old. Single. 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,040 ["Silent Night" playing] 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,000 It's the first Sunday in Advent 7 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:23,320 and the whole family is gathered for dinner at my mom and dad's. 8 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:28,800 Mom placed me at the end of the table next to my baby brother's twins. 9 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,960 Because in her reasoning, 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,280 I'm just so good with children. 11 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,440 What she really means is I'm stuck at the kiddie table 12 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,520 till I grow up and find a man. 13 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,440 And that right there is my problem. 14 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,280 Everything is going well in the other parts of my life, 15 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,160 but I can't help feeling left out when I'm with my family and friends. 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,600 Every one of their conversations revolve around boyfriends, children, 17 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:57,760 dates, sex, colic, orgasms, lactation and all that stuff. 18 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,440 And it forced me to ask myself... 19 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,120 like, down deep inside... 20 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,640 what is it that I really want? 21 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,400 Last week, my younger brother Morten offered to maybe bring someone from work 22 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,520 for me to borrow as my date for Christmas Eve dinner 23 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,040 so I wouldn't be the only single one at the table. 24 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,240 Yeah, he actually said that. 25 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,480 I hate to admit it, but for, like, ten seconds, 26 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,200 I kind of considered taking him up on it. 27 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,496 So, you might hardcore judge me for what I'm about to do, 28 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,240 but, well, I don't know you and as they say, 29 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,040 desperate times call for desperate measures. 30 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,880 I have a boyfriend, everyone. 31 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:32,880 Is that really true? 32 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,200 Seriously? 33 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,080 Yeah, we're totally together. 34 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,040 - Well, holy fuck! - Language! 35 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,080 - [laughter] - Well, that's great! 36 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,360 Here lies Johanne, 37 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,040 survived by her pride and her fake boyfriend. 38 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,880 You know what? Let's start back at the beginning. 39 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,760 The day this whole mess started, 40 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,200 December 1st. 41 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,880 [upbeat guitar music playing] 42 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,000 [laughter and chattering] 43 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:06,800 - Hi there! - [woman] Hello. 44 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,000 Can I get four of those green ones there? 45 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,160 Alright. 46 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,199 Oh, and six of the blue and six of these guys. 47 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,280 OK. Are you trying to qualify for a bulk discount? 48 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,240 Yeah. 49 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,360 How about buying a scratch card while you're at it? 50 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,000 You could get lucky and win something. 51 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,760 - Hmm? - What would I win? Like, more yarn? 52 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,400 [woman laughs] No... 53 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,720 Actually, first prize is a trip for two to the Grand Canary Islands 54 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,320 and second place is a stay at the Sætra Spa Hotel for two. 55 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,640 And last but not least we have... 56 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,400 these love gloves! 57 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,440 It's like a mitten, 58 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,560 except for it's got enough room for two hands, 59 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,680 so and your boyfriend can keep each other warm. 60 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,960 [upbeat guitar music continues] 61 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,360 - Hi. - Hi. 62 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,840 I'd like a pair of those Christmas pajamas from the window. 63 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,840 Oh, yeah! They're very popular. 64 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:13,920 Let me just... 65 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,600 Here you go. There. 66 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,600 Wait, but there's two in there. 67 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,000 I just want one for myself. 68 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,680 We can't do that, I'm afraid. They're sold in pairs or family packs. 69 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,160 OK, so there's no way to get a one-pack? 70 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,240 Sorry, but it looks like they don't sell them individually. 71 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,200 - No? - No. 72 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,080 - Then I'll take the pack of two. - Wonderful. 73 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,120 Hey, Johanne. 74 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,680 Sorry to bother you, but you need to help Henrik. 75 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,920 Mrs. Nergaard is back. 76 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,840 I've been on break for, like, two minutes! 77 00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,080 I know, girl. 78 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,120 - So, who's the guy? - [Johanne] Huh? 79 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,200 Weren't you just chatting on Lovematch? 80 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,200 - No, I was just playing Tetris. - Well, that's depressing. 81 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,720 - You won't get a boyfriend playing Tetris. - [Johanne laughs] 82 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,400 [chattering] 83 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,800 [female patient coughing] 84 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,960 - Hi there. Thanks for coming. - [patient croaks] Hi. 85 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,080 - [Henrik] Can you take Tone downstairs... - Trine. 86 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,480 Trine Nergaard. 87 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,600 Trine... Trine. I'm so sorry. I'm awful with names. 88 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,360 - Ah. - Hi, Mrs. Nergaard. 89 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,560 - Couldn't stay away, could you? - Yeah, it's because I missed you. 90 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,080 Anyway, Johanne can you please take the lovely Trine here for a CT scan? 91 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,960 We need to check her lungs. 92 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,360 - She has COPD. - [Trine] Yeah, yeah. 93 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,720 As you know, there is no cure, 94 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,520 but we'll try to give you the best quality of life we can, I promise. 95 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:49,600 I don't give a shit about quality of life. Come on. I've got one foot in the grave! 96 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,080 Still, with your condition, you should probably stop smoking. 97 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,680 You want me to stop smoking? I am 85 years old. What are you, nuts? 98 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,320 [Henrik] Yeah. 99 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,520 - [Trine breathes raspily] - Henrik, a minute... Not done with you. 100 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,680 Did you have a chance to read her full chart? 101 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,080 - Yeah... - So, why do you want a CT scan? 102 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,480 The chart says in addition to COPD, she may have polychondritis... 103 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,440 Do you still want me to cover your shift on Monday? 104 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,280 - Yeah, yeah. Can you? - Sure, OK. 105 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,360 - Hi. - Hi. 106 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,320 - You look well. - Oh, thank you. 107 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,280 - See you at lunch later? - Yeah, probably. 108 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,880 Anyway, I know this patient well. 109 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,440 This is the tenth time she's been in, 110 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,080 so you should listen to her lungs because she might have Stridor, 111 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,640 and then do a bronchoscopy. 112 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,600 - [Trine coughs] - A CT scan will only make it worse. 113 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,720 - [Trine gasps for breath] - [Henrik] Alright, let's see... 114 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,720 - Sorry, this might be a little cold. - [Trine chuckles] 115 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,640 Do we really need to do this? 116 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,800 - [croaks] I'm already feeling better. - Can you cough for me? 117 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,720 [Trine coughing] 118 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,920 I don't need a broncho... whatever. I just need a cigarette. 119 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,080 Yeah, I'm on it. 120 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,800 [Trine coughing] 121 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,680 - Yeah? - [Trine gasps] 122 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,040 [Henrik] Yeah... 123 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:04,880 OK... 124 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,120 Would you mind administering the bronchoscopy? 125 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:09,080 Yeah. 126 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,400 Thanks, Johanne. 127 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,640 You're looking really well. 128 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,200 Thanks, Doc. 129 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,920 - Maybe I'll see you at lunch? - Yeah, probably. 130 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,160 [Trine] Hmm. 131 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,320 - You're smarter than him, right? - Yeah. 132 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,280 [Trine laughs] 133 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,840 But I've got to say, that's a good-looking man. 134 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,320 - Henrik? - Oh, please! He's hot. 135 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,040 So, why don't you tap that? 136 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,120 Sounds like you've already called dibs! 137 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,600 Hey, don't look at me. I like my men a bit younger. 138 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,760 [laughs] No way! 139 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,360 OK. 140 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,280 [Trine coughing] 141 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,920 [chattering] 142 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000 Dude... 143 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,680 Do you think this guy's hot? 144 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,640 - [female doctor] Is that Lovematch? - Yeah. 145 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,160 It's slim pickings. You won't find anyone on there. 146 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,520 [head nurse] Listen up, everyone! 147 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,200 Let's all discuss the holiday shift coverage. 148 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,400 Inga? 149 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,480 Put your phone down, please, if you would? 150 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:07,560 Yeah, of course. 151 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,760 For starters, I need some brave volunteers to work on Christmas Eve. Hmm? 152 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,376 A show of hands how many of you are planning to celebrate 153 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,760 with your partners and children? 154 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,720 OK. Noted. 155 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,840 Can I get off like them, please? 156 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,640 One moment. Then you're free to speak. 157 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,520 - OK, go on. - I'm going home for the holidays. 158 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,040 Can you not schedule me? 159 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,320 Alright, fine. 160 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,200 - Johanne? - [Johanne] Hmm? 161 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,720 [head nurse] Afternoon and evening shifts on Christmas Eve? 162 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:37,840 OK. 163 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,040 [head nurse] Always a team player. 164 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:42,520 Thank you. 165 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,040 So much appreciation for you single guys. 166 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,480 Keeping the wheels turning while everyone else indulges in presents and sauerkraut, 167 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,080 surrounded by loved ones. 168 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,160 Is that it? 169 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,000 [chattering] 170 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,640 Well, it's just you and me. 171 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,960 At work, I mean. For, you know, Christmas Eve. 172 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,480 Just saying... There'll be... 173 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,240 One doctor is covering two of the wards. Me. 174 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,080 Yeah. Nice. 175 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,200 [chattering continues] 176 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,720 [laughter and chattering] 177 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,080 [Johanne] Hi! 178 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,480 - Hey, guys! - Hey! 179 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,200 - [friend 1] Hey! - [baby cooing] 180 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,440 You're eating beets. What are you, pregnant? 181 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,880 - Yeah. - [friend 1] Did she not tell you yet? 182 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,600 - She didn't. Are you serious? - [friend 2] Yep. 183 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,480 Oh, my God! 184 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,240 - Congratulations! - [friend 2] Thank you! 185 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,640 - Congratulations, Lars! - Oh, thanks. 186 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,640 Cool! 187 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,840 [laughter] 188 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,760 [Johanne] So, uh... 189 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,919 when will it be here? 190 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,760 We're only 11 weeks, so it's early. 191 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,720 But we're excited you're going to be a big sister, aren't we? 192 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,560 How about we go for a third, huh? 193 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,400 Why? We have two perfect children already. 194 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,480 Who doesn't want more perfection? 195 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,560 The feeling of a human being growing inside you is magical. 196 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,880 Yeah, but newborns are the worst. 197 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,296 - Tiny alarm clocks. - [friend 2] They are, but it's worth it. 198 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,840 You're so lucky you still get to sleep in every morning. 199 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,400 I've worked a lot of extra shifts lately, so I'm pretty tired, too. 200 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:14,600 Totally exhausted. 201 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,400 Looking after a child is a whole new type of tired. 202 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,720 - I thought tired was tired. - No way! [laughs] 203 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,240 It's a whole other world of tiredness when you wake up four times a night 204 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,440 with a baby demanding to be fed. 205 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:30,160 And the diapers! Oh, my God! That's reason enough not to have another one. 206 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,216 I definitely get my fair share of diapers at work, you know what I'm saying? 207 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,000 Still enjoying your job? 208 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,320 Ah, you know... 209 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,560 Oh, God! 210 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,240 - [friend 1] Huh? What? - It's Christian. 211 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,600 - Christian! - Oh, man! 212 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:46,600 - [friend 3] Hi! - Hi. 213 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:49,800 - [friend 3] Surprised to see you. - [Christian] Good to see you. 214 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,800 - How is everyone? - [friend 3] Can't complain. 215 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,600 - [friend 3] Nice to see you. - Yeah, it is. 216 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:54,880 [friend 3] How are things? 217 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,320 All going great, thank you. 218 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,800 As a matter of fact, we've just had one of these buggers. 219 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,776 - [friend 3] Congrats! - [Christian] Thanks a lot. 220 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,960 But, man, am I tired. Just exhausted! 221 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,760 - [friend 3] The first months are brutal. - Some are more built for it than others. 222 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,040 I can tell parenthood hasn't been kind to you. 223 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,360 [Christian chuckles] 224 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,280 You mind if I help myself to a piece? 225 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,960 - Yeah, go for it. - Great. I'm starving. 226 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,280 - How are things with... - Johanne? 227 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,800 - Never better! - There's this doctor she's been seeing. 228 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,320 - Yeah? - A model! 229 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,720 Yeah, he's a doctor and also models part-time. 230 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,800 Wow. 231 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,040 Wait, I didn't know that. 232 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,480 Hmm. Well, OK. Well, you guys give her my best. 233 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,640 - I'd better get going. Good to see you! - You too, man. Later! Bye. 234 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,440 Oh, God... 235 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,640 - So, it's two years since the break up? - Three. 236 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,160 Want a beet? 237 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:56,600 Not really. 238 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,520 - Wine? - Yeah, that. 239 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:00,600 Keep pouring. 240 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:05,960 To you! 241 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,480 Part-time model? 242 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,280 Oh, fuck. 243 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:18,480 [friend 1] We tried. 244 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,960 [melancholic music plays] 245 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,200 - Hello. - [Johanne's dad] Hey. 246 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,280 - You're having a ball with these lights. - [Johanne's dad] I am. 247 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,280 Yeah, they're... neat. 248 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,600 You don't think they're tacky? 249 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,240 You think? No, it will be fine. 250 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,080 Besides, I can't let the neighbors steal all the attention. 251 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,520 [Johanne] When did Mr. Reinertsen start doing lights? 252 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:57,920 That guy is not Reinertsen. 253 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,760 - Huh? - No, Reinertsen is gone. 254 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,240 Mrs. Reinertsen met someone else. 255 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,280 Jack Crawford. An American from Texas. 256 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,400 Man. Poor Mr. Reinertsen. 257 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,720 Yeah. He was blindsided. 258 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,280 - What's that? Roe deer? - Reindeer. 259 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,960 - No, that's a roe deer. - It says "reindeer" on the box. 260 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:20,760 Oh... 261 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,920 - Is everyone inside? - Yeah, go on in. 262 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,040 I'm coming right after I get these working. 263 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360 [Johanne] OK. 264 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,400 - Hi! - Hey! 265 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,560 Hi. Good to see you. Here he comes with the tackle! 266 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,296 - [child roars playfully] - [Johanne laughs] 267 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,080 - [boy] Did you see how high I jumped? - Hi, sweetheart! So glad you made it. 268 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,600 - [boy] Again! - You look exhausted. 269 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,480 Yeah, well, it's not that bad. 270 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,696 - [boy] I want to do the tackle again! - We'll eat soon. 271 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,000 [boy] Auntie Johanne! 272 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,320 - But I want to! - Hi! 273 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,200 - Yes... Say hello to your auntie. - Hi. How are you doing? 274 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:55,680 - How are baby Mortens One and Two? - Fine. Not bad. Have you been good? 275 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,760 Absolutely. Never better. 276 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,696 - Hold on. Let me say hi first, OK? - [boy] I want to do it again! 277 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,640 - Hey there, pretty lady. - Long time no see. You're looking well. 278 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,000 I could say the same thing. 279 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,960 I hope I look that good after having twins. 280 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,680 - I thought you didn't want to be a mother. - Well, then, tell that to my ovaries. 281 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,800 - Any news, Johanne? - What? 282 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,480 Oh you know, is there a special someone? 283 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,560 Mom, don't! 284 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,720 No, no. I don't mean to nag, but you can't blame me for asking. 285 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,440 Can you go and fetch your father? 286 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,880 - Would you, dear? - Yeah. 287 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,040 [festive music playing] 288 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,080 - [Johanne] Hey, Dad, the food's ready. - One second. 289 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,320 [music stops] 290 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,240 [Johanne's mom] Tor! 291 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,960 Are you finished yet, Tor? 292 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,640 Tor! 293 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,880 [festive music restarts] 294 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,360 - [cheering] - Thank goodness. 295 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,160 Mission accomplished. Well done. 296 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:51,656 - [Morten] We're at dinner. - Thanks. 297 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,960 - Do you need utensils? - [Morten] No, I'm good, Mom. 298 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,456 - [Johanne's sister] It's good to see you. - No, Johanne. 299 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,960 I was thinking you could sit with the twins, if you don't mind. 300 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,920 I think it would be best since you're always so good with them. 301 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,280 [chattering] 302 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:08,200 - [Johanne's dad] Have some. - [Johanne's sister] Can you pour me a bit? 303 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,600 You guys are playing the same game now, huh? 304 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,200 When are you going to buy the tree, Mom? 305 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,600 I have to wait. It's a bit too early to buy one. 306 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,400 The needles will be everywhere. Man's true enemy. 307 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,496 - So, I take it you're done with spruces? - I'm thinking about getting a pine. 308 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,560 [Johanne's mom] Uh-uh. 309 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,920 No way! 310 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,640 No pine in my house ever again. Right, Morten? 311 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,360 Huh? Yeah, no, we definitely can't have that. 312 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,480 - [Johanne's mom] What do you two buy? - Silver fir, I think. 313 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,440 - That's a shedder. - No, I heard they're pretty good. 314 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,280 - The needles don't fall. - Absolutely not. It's great. 315 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,240 [laughter] 316 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,160 But if not now, 317 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,760 when are you going to buy it? 318 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,480 Usually around the 20th. 319 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,960 Will you be working? 320 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,760 I'll have to request time off. 321 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,240 - Christmas-tree shopping is tradition. - [Johanne's mom] Aw! 322 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,720 What about Christmas Eve? 323 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,760 I've... been scheduled Christmas Eve. 324 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,520 - Again? - You worked last year and the year before. 325 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,080 It sounds like you need to start prioritizing the family more, Johanne. 326 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,080 Hey, I'm not really stoked about working either, but... 327 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,160 the others have husbands and their families to be with, 328 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,240 so I've just... 329 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,160 got to take one for the team. 330 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,800 Or you could say no. 331 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,400 Or swap it. 332 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,360 [laughs] If only it were that simple. 333 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,320 This boss of yours - I think you should stand up to her. 334 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,160 It sounds like she's taking advantage of you. 335 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:25,920 She runs a tight ship. 336 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,960 Well, then, I guess you'll just have to get yourself a man. 337 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,720 You're not getting any younger. 338 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,360 [Johanne's mom chuckles] 339 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,640 [Johanne's mom sighs] 340 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaking of men, how is Christian? 341 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,480 You were such a darn cute couple. 342 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,400 I was sure you two would end up together and get married. 343 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,040 Drop it, OK? It's been three years since he and I split up. 344 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,000 I saw on Facebook he got married recently and has a baby and the whole shebang. 345 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,400 - [Morten] Isn't that right? - Sure. 346 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,081 - [Johanne's mom] Wait, really? - [Johanne's sister] Yeah. 347 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,200 Oh, well. I guess it's good for him, then. 348 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,920 - He was such a wonderful man. So nice. - He was. 349 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,560 He always brought me a bouquet of flowers. 350 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,920 Johanne, I've got to say, you really let a good one go there. 351 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,360 It could be you posting your marriage on Facebook. 352 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:16,936 - That's enough. - [Johanne's mom] What? 353 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,600 Am I not allowed to say he was a lovely young man? 354 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,800 - Well, I'm not the one who... - You'll find a new boyfriend soon. 355 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,800 Maybe you could work a little less. 356 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,696 If you only hold space for your career, love won't have room to move in. 357 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,520 - Right, Morten? - Absolutely. 358 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,040 I just want you to find someone nice, so you're not all alone. 359 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,360 I never said I was lonely. 360 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,160 A colleague who works with me is single. 361 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,400 Oh, yeah? 362 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,720 [Johanne's sister] You might be a good match, actually. 363 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,480 He's allergic to the sun, though. 364 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,600 I think it's that... that thing when you can't be in the sun. 365 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,200 - Albino? - Albino, yeah. 366 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,240 Also, he's missing some fingers. Freak chainsaw accident as a kid. 367 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,320 Other than that, he's a total catch! 368 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,800 I have a boyfriend, everyone. 369 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,600 Shit! 370 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,480 - [Morten] Wow. - Is that really true? 371 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,960 - Seriously? - [Johanne] Yeah! 372 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,160 - I do. - Holy fuck! 373 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,080 - Language! - That's really great! 374 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,200 A doctor? 375 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,920 No... or he's... 376 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,575 - When will you bring him round to see us? - Well, it's still new. 377 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,280 - Bring him for Christmas. - Yes, do that! 378 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,640 - So you can take off for Christmas. - Mom, it doesn't work like that. 379 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,119 I couldn't just flake out on my... 380 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,880 So, it's settled, then. I'll set enough room for your plus-one. 381 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,240 Now, you go get that shift swapped. See, Johanne? Easy-peasy. 382 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:28,400 I... 383 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,400 Oh, I'm so happy, I could cry! 384 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,176 - [laughter] - [Johanne's mom] I can feel it. 385 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,600 This is going to be the best Christmas celebration this family has ever had! 386 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,680 Now, then, cheers, everyone! 387 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,720 - Cheers! - Cheers! 388 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,080 - Cheers! - [Johanne's sister] Cheers! 389 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,240 Alright... 390 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,320 [Johanne's mom] Wonderful. 391 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,640 [laughter] 392 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,400 You lied and made up a fake guy? 393 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,160 Yeah. 394 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,120 And promised to bring him home for Christmas so they could meet him. 395 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,480 - [laughs] Yeah, why? - Because I'm stupid. 396 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,000 I'm still lost as to why you'd lie about having a boyfriend. 397 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,360 [sighs] No idea. It was a shitty day. 398 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,040 And on top of that, they sat me at the far end of the table with the boys. 399 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,800 Only one thing to do now... 400 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,800 - And that is? - Tell them you're a big fat liar. 401 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,080 I can't. 402 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,080 - No? - No. 403 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,720 Then you've got find a guy. 404 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,360 - In 24 days? - 24 days with me helping. 405 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,960 Piece of cake! 406 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,840 - Mulled wine? - Yeah. 407 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,160 There's alcohol in it? 408 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,600 There is, but to round it out, there's a bit of orange juice, 409 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,120 salts, cloves 410 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,040 and balsamic vinegar. 411 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,920 We should forget about this whole thing. 412 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,520 I haven't been on the market since two-thousand-and-fuck-my-life. 413 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,760 - It's a Sahara down there. - You need to at least open up more. 414 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:43,840 Like, seriously! 415 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,456 You're going to have to open your heart and get over the damn fact 416 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,040 that your sad ass got dumped, like, four years ago. 417 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,520 - Three. - OK. 418 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,320 Open up. 419 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,240 Like, Lovematch - are you on it? 420 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,560 Yes, or kind of. 421 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,680 What's that mean? 422 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,240 I mean, I have a whole profile, but I don't really dust it off ever. 423 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,880 Well, I only have it in case a miracle occurs. 424 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,760 Yeah, but, magic isn't something that just happens. 425 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,920 You've got to be out there bringing the big-ass guns. 426 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,360 What are you talking about? 427 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,600 It means we need to cover our bases and get some results. Understand? 428 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,640 Thomas has got a speed-date thing tomorrow. 429 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,640 - "Bar" Thomas? - Yeah. 430 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,200 Speed dating is, like, so 2001, isn't it? 431 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,520 Well, it's analog, right? That's why it's so genius. 432 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,080 It's an analog way of, you know, of swiping. 433 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,440 They're in front of you, then... 434 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,400 [mimics air whooshing] 435 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,640 It's like online... but in real life. 436 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,720 It's perfect! 437 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,200 No way in hell. 438 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,880 DECEMBER 2ND 439 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,520 - I'm getting out of here. - No, no! Come on. 440 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,960 - Hello! - Hi. 441 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,280 Hey. 442 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,480 [Thomas and Johanna laugh] 443 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,240 - [Johanne's friend] Hey, stranger. - [Thomas] How long has it been? 444 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,840 I don't get out much, to be honest. 445 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,560 You're scared, like a hermi... crab thing. 446 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,600 Nice try, but it's hermit. 447 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,336 - Just so you know. - Tomato, tomato. 448 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,800 And I'm not so afraid of life! 449 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,840 So, anyway, how does this whole thing go? 450 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,320 Oh, well, it's super efficient. 451 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,440 You'll be seated at table ten - that one right over there. 452 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,760 OK, I'm nervous. I haven't been on, like, speed... 453 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,600 Wait, not speed. I've never been on speed. 454 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,136 - I mean speed dating. Don't laugh! - [friend] You'll be fine. 455 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,800 - You will. - [Thomas] I wouldn't worry. 456 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,720 You just have to sit there. The guys switch tables around you. 457 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,400 Three minutes per date. It will be cool. 458 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:30,840 - You'll crush it. - Yeah? 459 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,160 Here's a list for you of names, height, age... 460 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,480 It looks like a take-out menu for a Chinese restaurant. 461 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,160 You can choose exactly what you want in a dude! 462 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,240 It's fantastic! 463 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:44,040 See there? Education... Oh, this guy likes nature and coffee. 464 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:45,320 - This will be great. - Yeah. 465 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,120 - OK, good luck. Have fun, now. - Here I go. 466 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,080 - Later, nerds! - Alright. 467 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,360 We're starting in a couple minutes, OK? You've just got to sit and look pretty. 468 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,960 - Ready? - Yep. 469 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,040 Pen. 470 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,560 [Johanne] OK. 471 00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,480 [Thomas] Table ten. Yeah. 472 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,560 - [Johanne] Ten. - Cool. 473 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,240 [chattering] 474 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,720 - [man inhales deeply] - [whistling] 475 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,680 [air whistling through man's nose] 476 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,680 Nicaragua. 477 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,920 [man slurps coffee] 478 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,000 I used to work as a coffee importer, actually. 479 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,080 [whistling] 480 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,600 - How cool. - [man] Mm-hmm. 481 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,160 [whistling] 482 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,200 Kind of like a barista? 483 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,680 No, no. A barista just makes coffee. 484 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,480 - I imported it. - Oh. 485 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:30,120 [whistling] 486 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:31,360 [chuckles] 487 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,400 - Aren't those from middle school? - I brought it from my parents'. 488 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,520 - Johanne? - Yeah, that would be me. 489 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,320 Then I'll put "yes" straight away. 490 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,480 - OK. - You look so much like Mama. 491 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:45,600 - Like, a cosmic coincidence! - Yeah. 492 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,080 Johannes and Johanne. 493 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,200 I mean... 494 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,480 So are people more interested in you when you bring that thing with you? 495 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,800 Select a color. 496 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,560 - Red. - So... 497 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,160 R-e-d. 498 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,640 - "Yes" is the answer. - Yes? Yes, what? 499 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,880 Yes, dates become more interested in me. 500 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:01,960 [Johanne laughs] 501 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,680 It says here you're 29? 502 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,080 That photo is from last year. 503 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,600 I've been through things since then 504 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,480 that make me look a little, shall we say, a bit on the weathered side. 505 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,040 - This last year only? - Last year, yeah. 506 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,880 OK. 507 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,280 What's your occupation? 508 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,920 I am a performance artist. 509 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,960 What's a typical day look like for you? 510 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,280 Today, I collected a guy from outside Oslo, 511 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,280 drove him to the woods and beat him. 512 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,920 I like churchyards. 513 00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:40,560 I dig their atmosphere. 514 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,800 What we really should have done was pulled his teeth. 515 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,160 I'll go back tonight to do that. 516 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,560 You're just kidding, right? About the teeth? 517 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,240 I don't think he'd find it very funny. 518 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:50,720 Nope. 519 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,440 I like to light a candle on the grave of my brother. 520 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,400 Drunk driver. 521 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,520 Bam! End of story. 522 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,760 My business is doing quite well, like, unbelievably incredible, 523 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:04,840 for over a year. 524 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,000 Congrats! That's great. 525 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,896 - We're completely rolling in it. - You and I... 526 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,720 So, I bought a new condo since my income was massive. 527 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:11,800 It was a nice bonus. 528 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,800 [whistling] 529 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:20,760 You laugh all the time, don't you? 530 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,680 - No, not really, but... [laughs] - See. Like, right now. 531 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,256 - Well, there we are! - Now you hear it. 532 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,480 - Yes, I do. - A bit. 533 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,360 That's so funny! 534 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,400 - [Johanne] Oh, yeah? - Jeez, mind blown. 535 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,480 [Johanne] I don't mean to sound hung up on it, but how old are you really? 536 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,440 A human being's true age 537 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,400 is the sum of the timeless moments in one's life. 538 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,600 Have you seen the musical Cats before? 539 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,720 Have you seen West Side Story, Miss Saigon, Phantom, Lion King? 540 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,560 Have you had sex IRL before? 541 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,400 - What's that? - IRL. In real life. 542 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,800 - You mean, like, sex with a guy? - Uh-huh. 543 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,920 When it comes to size, how important is that? 544 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:58,120 Excuse me? 545 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,600 - Size? - To what are you referring? 546 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:00,960 Well... 547 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:03,640 Uh... 548 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,080 - You mean, your penis? - Uh-huh. 549 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,600 Let's put it another way, shall we? 550 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,720 I'm not a virgin. I give myself a lot of sex on the regular. 551 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,720 There's no point in women being obsessed with it. 552 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,280 It's a myth that, down there, 553 00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:18,880 men are supposed to be packing these enormous meat schlongs, 554 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,440 where you just see it bulging out, 555 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,160 like you're carrying some lethal weapons, but it's just not true. 556 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:26,440 Most of the people I meet, I'm fucking, all the time, 557 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,520 but online. 558 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,280 I had sex with a dragon just the day before yesterday, so... 559 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,920 Oh, wow. That's not something you do every day. 560 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,440 No, you don't. But I do. 561 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,000 [Johanne] Oh. 562 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:40,680 Even those with micro penises 563 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,720 can go on to have mind-blowing sex lives like other men. 564 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,200 There's barely a difference. 565 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,320 Uh, when I think about it, I'd say I'm very experienced. 566 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,560 Like, boning, boning, boning, all the time. 567 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,960 But I haven't technically done it with a... 568 00:24:58,960 --> 00:24:59,960 [stutters] 569 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,360 - A human being? - Yeah, yeah, basically. 570 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,720 - [air whistling through man's nose] - Is your injury work-related? 571 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,920 What are you talking about? 572 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,200 In your nose... 573 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,560 That whistling noise... 574 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:13,800 I'm whistling? 575 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,400 [air whistling through man's nose] 576 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,880 And then only after I started working for them, 577 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,480 I realized the bastards had tried to shorten four grand. 578 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,800 So, how about you? What's your job? 579 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,160 You've asked me that. 580 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,760 I'm a nurse at a hospital. 581 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,840 Awesome, so you're not freaked out by blood? Oh! 582 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,760 I like a woman who can handle blood. 583 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:33,800 Super pretty. 584 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,280 Nice. A nurse. Looks like my mama. Perfect! 585 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,160 I'm not actually into musicals, really. 586 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,960 It's a fantastic world of song and joy. You just have to open your heart. 587 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:45,560 Do you dare? 588 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:50,520 If you want to have sex in the game, I can make a profile for you. 589 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,360 Then we can bone a dragon or something. 590 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,800 So, find the one? 591 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,040 I don't know about that. 592 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,800 See you. I'll keep you posted. 593 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:08,880 - Please do. - [Johanne] Take care. 594 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,280 - Oh! Oh, shoot! Shoot! - [man grunts] 595 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,280 It's totally my fault. Sorry, sorry. 596 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:19,960 [man] I should have numbered the pages. 597 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,800 Look, it's alright. It's not exactly Shakespeare, you know? 598 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,040 So, what is it, then? 599 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:29,680 It's my master's thesis. 600 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,840 - But you made copies...? - Uh... 601 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,400 [Johanne] You didn't? 602 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,160 That's ballsy. 603 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,120 Well, the plan was to... 604 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,200 make duplicates using carbon copy paper. 605 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,600 But it turns out, they just don't carry that anywhere. 606 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,800 The ink for my machine needs to be specially ordered online. 607 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:51,880 Specialty ordered? 608 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,400 - Wait, do you mean...? - Yeah, I'm working on an old typewriter. 609 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,320 It's a Rover 1000. 610 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,320 [Johanne] OK... 611 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:03,800 [man] I know... 612 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,760 I'm pretty bad when it comes to modern technology. 613 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,760 It skeeves me out. 614 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:10,920 No, I feel you. 615 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,600 I'm like that myself. 616 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,160 It might sound weird, 617 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,360 but it feels like I'm giving something more meaningful to the world 618 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,200 when I write on an analog machine. 619 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,200 - [Johanne laughs] - What? 620 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,560 Oh, no. It's just... 621 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,280 This all makes me feel like I'm in a movie. 622 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,480 - Which one? - It's actually in theatres. 623 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:38,360 Would you want to go see it with me one of these days? 624 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:41,600 I would, yeah. 625 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:43,240 Yeah? 626 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:45,360 Is tomorrow fine? 627 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,560 - OK. - OK. 628 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,920 Good. Oh! 48039

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