Original subtitles

(IMITATES BIRD CHIRPING)

(SOBBING) What am I doing here?

Hercules always warned me.

My quest for the almighty dinar would be the death of me.

Did I listen? No!

Here I am in bandit country.

They stole my food, no quail to catch.

(IMITATES BIRD CHIRPING)

(GRUNTS IN ANGER)

All because of a wild rumor

about a Lost gold mine in the Baklavan Province.

Salmoneus, you deserve to starve.

Just kidding.

Maybe they have some food.

Some food, some meat, that's all I need.

Hello?

Anybody here?

Oh, swell.

No people. No food.

(SLAMMING IN THE DISTANCE)

Who's there?

I'm not alone.

Hercules, where are you?

(GRUFF VOICE) "I'm over here."

(NORMAL VOICE) Good, stay close.

Show yourself. We're not afraid.

(GRUFF VOICE) "No, never afraid."

(SHUDDERING)

(GASPS)

Gold!

Who needs food?

I've died and gone to Mount Olympus.

Oh!

There's more where this came from.

(SCREAMING)

MORIA: How many were there?

IOLAUS: Three other girls are missing from the village.

You said your cousin didn't have the happiest home Life.

Moria, my cousin Regina did not run away.

Then my guess is they were abducted

by visitors.

Oh!

From other continents.

You can't believe we're the only civilization.

What would these visitors want with my cousin?

You think I'm crazy.

No, no.

You're a few sandwiches short of a picnic maybe, but you're not crazy.

Why do you think the Star-Globus sent me on this story?

Would it hurt your feelings if I told you I couldn't care less?

Because they're out there. Oh!

And I'm newshound enough to sniff them out.

(WHINING) All I want to do is find my cousin.

Moria,

I asked you along here because I thought you could help.

But ever since we've started,

all you've done is talk about people from beyond the stars,

strange creatures from other continents, abdominal snowman.

That's abominable.

No, no, no. What's abominable is that

we're in the middle of bandit country and I'm stuck with you!

And if you're not talking about celestial visitors

then you're complaining about the food or asking interminable questions!

I'm a reporter! How am I supposed to Learn if I don't ask?

See? See?

Why don't you try

taking a few quiet moments and write something down?

I don't have to. I have a pictographic memory.

(MUTTERS) Pictographic memory.

When are we going to eat?

(WHINING) Oh, I don't know!

Look, there's an abandoned temple,

let's see if we can find shelter there for the night.

Thinkthey'll have any food?

I don't know!

Iolaus, wait up.

Your gold or your Life.

My gold or my Life?

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(YELLING)

Ya-hoo!

Take that!

Come on, let's get out of here!

Get out of here! Go on, get out of here!

Why were they trying to abduct us?

How would I know?

Maybe they heard the same gold rumors we did.

Why would they think we had any gold?

Will you stop asking questions?

(EXHALES) Oh, and by the way,

thanks for, you know, helping me with this.

Where'd you get this flour?

I landed on it. Why?

Well, if there's any more where this came from, we can have our dinner.

MORIA: Wow.

Are you as hungry as I am?

Are the gods crazy?

Mmm. Mmm.

Iolaus.

We've had visitors.

Oh, would you quit with these cosmic fantasies.

I'm not fantasizing.

Huh?

The food is gone.

And look what they've left us in exchange.

(SCREAMING)

Iolaus?

(SCREAMING)

Thanks for breaking my fall.

You're welcome.

What is this place?

There you go with those questions again.

(GROANS)

I have another one for you.

(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Where are we?

NARRATOR: This is the story of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods were petty and cruel

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared to challenge their power.

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,

wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be Hercules.

(SCREECHING)

(GROWLING)

(ROARING)

(ALL CHEERING)

It looks Like a welcoming committee.

Peace and love, brother.

(SHRIEKS HAPPILY)

Salmoneus?

Brother Sal. Have we met?

Iolaus. Friend of Hercules?

Welcome.

No, it doesn't ring a bell. But we are all friends here.

Peace and love, sister.

(SHRIEKS HAPPILY)

Ah, my name's Moria,

and we are not related.

(CHUCKLES) Welcome, friend.

Yeah, yeah, good, Salmoneus.

Ah, what are you people doing here?

This is Sister Aurora.

Peace

and love.

(SHRIEKS HAPPILY)

No, I meant who are you people and what are you doing here?

Why don't we give you a little tour of our community

and you can see for yourself?

(CHUCKLES) Lead the way.

You see, we have an underground spring

that supplies all of our water needs.

What about food?

You'd be surprised how little food you need

once you put your spiritual side ahead of your temporal.

But you do eat?

Of course. One cannot chew one's spirituality.

(GIGGLES)

You might say we live by the golden rule.

We mind the gold

and trade with the outside world for food.

Gold? That's where it came from.

But nobody ever wants to leave,

or just see the outside world again?

Yeah, grab all that gold and run.

Why would anyone want to leave?

We have everything we need right here.

There's no violence.

We all work and share equally.

There is no need to be competitive.

For there's nothing more to gain than what you already have.

(EXCLAIMS HAPPILY)

But nobody ever wants more?

More?

That's a negative concept.

(CHUCKLING) Are you sure you're all right?

Never felt better, friend.

The teachings of Lorel frees me.

Lorel?

Our god.

Kamaros interprets for us.

I'd really Like to see this Kamaros.

You will.

We are all going to have dinner.

Food is taken very seriously in our community.

I do extensive studies in the areas of nutrition and diet.

So I hope you're enjoying your meal.

What there is of it.

Among my findings, I've learned that we don't need as much food,

as we think to sustain strength and energy.

But perhaps dessert will fill you up?

Quite a lifestyle you have here.

I'd be the first to be embarrassed

at the luxuriousness of my surroundings.

I'm perfectly content to serve Lorel in a more Spartan capacity.

Yet, if our god wishes, who am I to question it?

Yeah.

By communizing our efforts

we can produce more fruitful, harmonious results

than a traditional, hierarchy based society.

So that means you work down in the mines Like everyone else?

SALMONEUS: Anyone can work down in the mines,

only a select few

can interpret the wishes of our powerful yet benevolent god.

Well put, Brother Sal, but you make it sound so important.

I am but a humble servant, doing our god's bidding.

Now, why don't we enjoy our dessert?

(SLURPS)

You know, we hate to eat and run,

but we're gonna eat and run.

You're allergic to that, remember?

Besides, I'd really Like to see the rest of this place.

You mind if we take our own tour?

Not at all. Treat our home as if it were your own.

If Brother Sal or I can be of any assistance...

Thanks, we'll let you know.

Iolaus, stop! Why did we leave?

There was something wrong with that dessert.

Oh. They tried to poison us.

Hello, everyone else ate it.

So?

That could be what makes these people so touchy-feely.

I mean, they hug all the time, there's got to be a...

Moria...

Well, come to think of it,

that is not the Salmoneus I used to know.

It's Like... It's Like they've done something to his mind.

Yeah, I noticed. If you Look in his eyes, he’s just not all there.

(LAUGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm.

Good morning.

Peace and love, sister.

You, too.

I love you, man.

Yeah, uh... Yeah, uh, I love you, too.

Regina?

Regina, is it you?

Yes.

Do I know you?

It's me, it's your cousin, Iolaus.

I'm sorry. I don't recognize you.

That's crazy. I taught you how to shoot a bow and arrow, remember?

It was all fun and games until somebody loses an eye.

I have to go.

But, Regina, wait.

Friend, there are plenty of available women

if this one isn't interested in you.

I'm not your friend! And I'm not interested in her. Not Like that.

She's his cousin. We're all family here.

Yeah, well, I don't want a family.

MORIA: Iolaus.

I just want to know why Regina doesn't recognize me.

Sometimes, our inner selves

are not in harmony with the outside world.

Oh! You guys really believe that stuff, don't you?

It is the way of Lorel, our godhead.

Yeah, well, I'LL believe this god when I see him.

She is appearing now.

BOTH: She?

(PEOPLE MURMURING EXCITEDLY)

IOLAUS: There goes your powerful but benevolent god.

She's barely out of diapers.

Yeah. Well, they don't seem to mind.

Suppose this place is a paradise?

(SCOFFS)

Oh, no. Here comes Salmoneus.

Oh, I can't uncover any conspiracies with him around.

Yeah, tell him you want a personal tour

and I can do some snooping on my own.

Guess again. Brother Sal.

What a coincidence. Iolaus was just saying how he'd love a tour

of your gold-mining facilities.

Hey!

I'd love to give both of you a tour.

I'LL take a rain check.

I have some questions for your god.

I'm sorry, you can't just wonder around aimlessly.

Oh, don't worry. I'LL go through the proper channels.

You know what,

I don't need a personal guide, Salmoneus.

Brother Sal. And it's my pleasure.

We don't get many visitors here.

I'm always happy to show them how we live,

what we're about.

Mmm.

(IOLAUS SIGHS)

Is the fruit to your liking, master?

Very much so. And the wine?

Excellent.

Now watch, Aurora.

Learn how best to serve an emissary of god.

Oh, no, dear Aurora, you must observe.

How else will you Learn?

(KAMAROS LAUGHS)

You're going to be thrilled and delighted.

Here is the entrance to our mine.

And this gold doesn't interest you, right?

It's only so much rock and mineral.

(LAUGHS) Boy, you've really changed from the Salmoneus

I used to know.

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

Well, whatever happened to that

ambitious dinar-loving little opportunist

who always bugged Hercules?

(CHUCKLES)

You must have confused me with somebody else.

(SCOFFS)

(BIRD CHIRPING)

(SOBBING)

Are you all right?

It's nothing. You're upset about something.

It's Lorel.

Your child-god?

What about her?

She's my sister.

IOLAUS: So much dust and glitter, right?

Exactly.

And no one really cares about it, huh?

Why should they?

There are no possessions here,

so there's no reason to be envious.

We all share in everything equally.

(SCREAMS HAPPILY)

So, this means you could all share Kamaros' things?

Absolutely,

if one wished.

It's all community property.

What's yours is mine, what's mine...

What's mine is mine alone.

Yeah, I'm familiar with that.

You're very cynical. That will change with time.

WOMAN: Catch.

You share the women as well?

Huh?

If we don't believe in owning things,

why should we believe in possessing people?

We share everything.

Everything?

You know, I would really Like to see my cousin again.

I could do that.

She works not far from here in food storage.

MORIA: How did you and your little sister ever get mixed up in this?

It's all my fault. We're from a village in the next valley.

So, you were one of those that exchanged food for gold.

I met Kamaros and he was so charismatic.

I really wanted to believe him.

He told me the whole community was free of violence.

It was all about peace and love.

I've just realized that all he cares about is the love part

if you can call it that. And Lorel?

He's done something to her.

She used to be nothing but energy and talk and...

And now she walks around in this fog.

I've heard they do that.

Who?

Visitors.

What?

Oh, never mind.

She's not a god.

She's my kid sister.

Look, don't worry.

We'll help her.

Very impressive.

See how happy your cousin is.

And the harmony of the workers.

Each performing his own little task,

sharing the fruits of their labor,

following the way of Lorel.

Yeah, I'd still Like to know why Regina didn't recognize me.

Sometimes,

we need help to get in touch with our true inner being.

That's what the re-education room is for.

Re-education?

A special place. I'LL show you.

You know what, Sal? Brother Sal.

Good. Maybe some other time, I've got lot of looking around to do.

Fine. You're our guest.

Yes. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

What is it?

We have to rescue Lorel.

That would be Lorel, the child god?

She's not a god.

She's Aurora's sister.

She's your sister.

Kamaros has done something to her.

Yeah, I think I know what it is.

I've just been to food storage and I noticed

the same odor I smelled in the dessert.

What kind of odor? It's lotus leaf.

It's an opiate that Hercules' cousin Asclepius told us about.

It's not lethal. But we better get your sister off it,

the sooner the better. You have a plan?

Yeah, kind of.

I made a deal with Salmoneus

that if he didn't eat food for a day, I'd...

I'd join the band. What?

It's a long shot.

Here, if there's any trouble try giving him these gold nuggets.

I don't understand.

Well, if he doesn't eat the food... It's a long shot.

Don't be afraid. Aurora sent me.

Can you understand me?

Do you eat this?

(SNIFFS)

Tastes good, huh?

Look, I haven't got time to explain,

but I have to get you out of here,

and it's gonna be easier if I just carry you, okay?

Come on.

Good.

I take this to mean you don't approve of our little community?

Oh, I've seen it before.

Only then it wasn't called interpreter and disciples,

it was called master and slaves.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

Good,

but not good enough.

You'd better be careful with that thing.

You don't want to lose your god.

There're plenty more where she came from.

(BLOWS)

(IOLAUS GROANS)

(GROANS)

Have a nice day.

In case you haven't guessed,

the poison from that dart isn't fatal.

It'll merely aid in your re-education.

Thanks, but I've already finished my schooling.

I'm afraid you've got a lot more to Learn.

You're much too aggressive for our little community.

Reprogramming or re-education as we Like to call it,

is definitely called for.

What if I don't want to be re-educated.

What if I don't want to join in your plan to rule the world?

Well, you misjudge me. Why would I want the world?

I have everything I could want right here.

The trick is not to let anyone come in and spoil it.

Like me. Like you.

As for your lack of enthusiasm,

you really don't have any choice.

In my travels, I've learned many things.

A mastery over lights,

the necessity of sleep.

Hercules' own cousin taught me about the healing

and intoxicating qualities of certain herbs and plants.

You'll be one of us, eventually.

Don't count on it.

Oh, I'LL count on it.

Peace, brother.

I'm not your brother.

You will be, whether you want to or not.

Begin.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

(GRUNTING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

You have to help us. Iolaus is in trouble.

Well, he doesn't keep his word.

He promised if I gave up food for a day he'd join the band.

I did, he's not here and I'm hungry...

What... What do you think you're doing?

(LAUGHS)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to tempt me, aren't you?

What gives you that idea?

Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

See, I am impervious

to the overtures of the outside...

Can I have another sniff of that?

Keep it.

The teachings of Lorel tell us that

the outside world is not...

You have any more in there?

Mmm.

(GASPS)

You're bad.

Bad girls. Bad girls. I'm going to tell Kamaros

how naughty you've been, and you're gonna get in trouble.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Sorry, you're not allowed to sleep.

You guys aren't big on creature comforts, are you?

The purpose of the room is not to soothe the body, but to ease the mind.

I guess that fan's not for cooling me off then, huh?

It's for filtering light. When it revolves at the right rate,

it can induce a trance-Like state

Leaving the mind extremely malleable.

Sounds Like a lot of Laughs.

Kamaros is a master of light manipulation.

It's extraordinary the things he's accomplished for the good of the community.

Yeah.

I'LL bet.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Aren't you Iolaus' cousin?

Iolaus.

He talked to me. He wanted me to stop eating for awhile.

And?

I can't remember.

It's confusing. Try harder.

Maybe we shouldn't force it.

We have to. Memories are important.

They're who we are.

Regina,

remember when you and Iolaus

tied your father's sandals together

and he fell in the pig trough?

Kind of. Were you there?

He told me the story.

He was right about the food. You're starting to remember.

Come with us.

(SIGHS) Where are you going?

To rescue Lorel from Kamaros.

Rescue, from Kamaros?

Lorel is my sister.

She's not a god.

Kamaros has just tricked everyone into believing that.

Iolaus tried to get her from the palace, but something's happened.

We think he's been taken to the re-education room.

(SIGHS) We'd better go.

(VOICES WHISPERING)

(SOBBING) Get back. Escape back.

(ECHOING) You're not enjoying yourself.

From your babbling, I'd say you have an uncommon fear of death.

The only thing I'm scared of

is turning into a creep Like you.

Oh, such spirit. Enjoy it while you can

because in a few more hours you won't even remember who you are.

(SCREAMING)

Stay here. If anything goes wrong,

at least you two won't be caught.

But I want to see Iolaus again.

Yeah. We're all in this together.

Look, it's just not a good idea.

MAN: Keep an eye out for the stranger.

Now would you stay here?

What's the matter? He's gone.

Is there any other place they could've taken him?

Then they've killed him.

Maybe he escaped.

Where to? There's nowhere to go down here.

He could've gone back to get your sister.

Moria.

Iolaus...

Greetings, friends.

What's with the outfit?

Peace and love, sister.

Oh, no.

Likewise.

Iolaus, it's me, Moria.

Oh!

I am so pleased to meet you, Moria.

Has anyone shown you our fair city yet?

What have you done to him?

Maybe he's found a better Life.

I'LL be the judge of that.

Moria, why are you angry?

Anger is a negative emotion.

If you're so sure he's gone over to your side,

can I speak with him alone?

I see no reason why not.

Okay, you can drop the act now.

I'm not sure I understand.

Iolaus, it's me, Moria.

We came here together. Looking for visitors.

Togetherness

is next to godliness. (GASPS EXCITEDLY)

(HUMMING)

They really did it to you, didn't they?

They changed you.

Change is often necessary

if we are to remain in touch

with our true selves.

It's Like sitting in a cave,

you see before us are but shadows,

and what lies behind us is the truth.

I have to be getting back.

I hope to see you Later, friend.

Peace and love.

Yeah.

Sure.

Are you sure we can save my sister without Iolaus' help?

We don't have any choice.

Girls, hello.

What do you want from us?

I wanna thank you for waking me up.

I can't believe what a schmendrick I was.

You mean Brother Sal is starting to remember the old Salmoneus?

You bet, I even remember, Iolaus.

He used to hang around with some big guy, uh...

Name escapes me.

Salmoneus, Iolaus is in trouble.

They've done something to his mind.

And we need his help to rescue Lorel.

Rescue a god? Are you crazy?

I'LL tell you what to rescue.

Across the square, there's a room full of gold. That's what needs rescuing.

Iolaus is your friend.

You're right. Who?

Oh, the blond guy, yeah. Let me get some gold first.

(SIGHS)

Looks Like we're on our own.

No.

I'm on my own.

There's no sense risking all our lives.

Lose something?

Oh, just a friend and now a god.

It's been one of those days.

I can come back Later.

I'd rather you stay.

Watch out.

That goes off, it'll ruin your reputation as a man of peace.

And put an untidy hole in your blouse.

Good point. I'LL just be going...

Anywhere you want me to.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERING)

She refuses to eat it.

Sister,

how are you ever gonna find your true self

if you don't take the nourishment we provide?

You know what you two can do with your nourishment.

(SPITS)

I'm glad you haven't changed, Moria.

(CHOKING)

I learned one or two things in my travels, too.

Meditation is also away to control your mind,

and now that I know the other women are safe...

It doesn't matter.

Neither of you are Leaving here alive.

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS)

I can't believe I did that.

(CHUCKLES DEVIOUSLY)

Iolaus, catch!

What am I supposed to do with it?

(SCREAMS IN PAIN)

Never mind.

Oh, great.

(GRUNTING)

Now I know where I've seen this emblem.

Kamaros, or should I say, "Karkis?"

You know, if you're going to reinvent yourself,

you really ought to change the markings on your swords.

Karkis?

The Butcher of Thessaly?

The one and the same.

I guess you found manipulating people's minds

a little easier than butchering them, huh?

Much easier.

And you don't even have to get your hands dirty.

Your hands are dirty.

You've turned those people into slaves.

People are sheep, you know. Born followers.

I merely stepped in and filled avoid.

Prepare to step back out.

Salmoneus, take Moria

and help the others spread the news about their leader.

I'm going as fast as I can.

We've got to finish this conversation!

Nice cut. Yeah.

Come on.

You've made a big mistake.

The Butcher is back.

Oh, brother.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Where's Iolaus? He'll be right along.

Right now, we have to show these people the real light.

You people have been duped by Kamaros.

Lorel isn't a god, she's flesh and blood, Like everyone else.

You blasphemer! MAN 1: That's right.

Sacrilege!

Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

MAN 2: Lorel is our god. No!

You've been tricked. All of you.

Kamaros is nothing more than a fast-talking magician.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

You're wasting your time.

My disciples won't do anything unless I tell them.

Maybe they'll be a little more open-minded.

That lotus leaf you've been spiking their food with,

it wears off when you stop eating it.

It's a pity you won't live to see the fruits of your meddling.

(YELLS)

Lorel is my sister. Kamaros drugged her.

He made her do what he wanted so you would do his wishes.

Not hers.

You're a liar!

(CROWD PROTESTING)

My sister doesn't lie.

(CROWD GASPING)

MAN: She speaks.

Kamaros is the one who's Lied to you.

He doesn't care about your good, only his own.

Why do you think he lives better than everyone else?

WOMAN: Who do we believe?

Let's make this interesting, shall we?

(GRUNTING LOUDLY)

A system of pulleys and counterweights are rigged to the beams over the city.

When they buckle this whole place will collapse in on itself.

You're sick. Maybe.

But I'm the only one who knows the way out.

(CREAKING)

Friends, listen to her. You've been brainwashed. I was brainwashed!

To serve Kamaros' own purposes!

(LOUD RUMBLING IN THE DISTANCE)

WOMAN 1: What's happening?

WOMAN 2: The roof's falling in.

Oh, no.

Sorry you can't come with us.

(SCREAMING)

I'm not.

(CROWD SCREAMING)

Come on. Over here. This way.

Kamaros has rigged it so the whole place is gonna cave in, come on!

I'LL just be a moment.

Salmoneus, what is more important,

the gold or your Life? Salmoneus!

I'm thinking! Let's go!

Come on!

(SHRIEKS)

Come on. Come on. That's it. Come on, come on.

Thanks, Iolaus. She's looking better already.

Go, go, come on.

Iolaus. Regina, I haven't got time for this.

She remembers you.

Yeah, she'll remember more once the drugs wear off.

What a pity. They had some great ideas.

Yeah, and all that free love.

(BOTH SHUDDERING)

MAN 1: Oh, fresh air.

Look! The sky!

MAN 2: I can see the sun.

(LAUGHING)

It's a souvenir. Nothing wrong with a souvenir or two.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Sal.

Oh, girls, don't forget Salmoneus.

Well, it looks Like you got your story.

I'm just sorry there were no visitors in it.

Oh, that's all right.

But you know, I do high profile stuff, too.

And I was thinking maybe you could set something up for me

with your buddy Hercules?

Oh, I don't think Hercules

wants to see his name in the Star-Globus.

"Hero gives birth to two-headed dog,"

is not really his kind of thing.

I wouldn't do a hatchet job on him.

I was talking about a classy, high-profile piece.

Oh! "Maps to heroes' homes."

Something Like that.

Well, I don't know. I'LL have to think about it.

How about over dinner?