Original subtitles

- Ahh!

[yelling in Swedish]

I'm not having this!

[haunting music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

How's it going, bros?

- PewDiePie. - PewDiePie.

- PewDiePie. - PewDiePie.

- Are you gonna let me do it?

Do you want to sit here and do it?

- Oh! - [laughs]

- Yeah. - Okay. Give me that.

- No. - Give me that liquor.

- No. - Don't joke around about that.

- What is that? - You want some?

- Nah. - I can get you a cup.

- I'll get some later.

- I'm gonna get you a cup.

- So, um, Felix,

he's been drinking all day.

- Good.

- No, not good. - That's great.

- He's not supposed to drink.

- Why not? It's a party. - No, no, no.

Let's just say he's been to 12-step meetings

for a long time.

- Oh, shit.

- So, um, I want to get this before Kevin comes back.

What I need just from you is, like,

an end of the series wrap-up.

Like, "Well, there you go, bros.

As you can see, I've been through a lot"--

- What, are you gonna start without me?

You asshole. [laughs]

- Oh, is that what you're drinking?

- Yeah.

- I think I'll wait until I have a little bit of food.

But thank you. - You asshole. You fucking--

- No, I was giving-- - Fuck you.

- So, Felix, did he show you what he brought today?

- No. - Hey, Jeff. Show him. Show him.

- Oh, what? - Oh, jeez.

I'm not looking at him. This is fucked up.

No, put that away, Jeff.

- Nothing's gonna go down, Jeff. You can put that away.

I know this is America and all,

but that's fucked up.

- All right, Felix. - Yes.

- Okay, let's just get this started.

Um...

Um...

Uh, just say-- you know what?

Start with "What I just experienced was crazy, insane."

You know, "I was-- I was," uh, um...

- Okay, all right. I'll just do something.

Okay.

I just had the weirdest weeks of my life.

What the fuck?

I collected alien eggs,

I went on a spaceship that was infested with maggots.

Ah! They're real!

Ahh! This-- - What?

- What the fuck?

I was chased by a little girl

in a creepy haunted house.

Hello? Little girl?

Are you okay?

Ahh!

Bloody hell. Fuck that shit.

I ended up at my own funeral.

What the fuck is this?

Why am I here?

Okay.

Let me out!

I had to play real-life Operation.

For this thing.

Ugh.

[electricity crackles] Ahh! Ahh!

Are you fucking kidding me?

In the hotel I was chased by a chainsaw guy.

That's fucked up.

Fuck you!

Fuck. [chainsaw revving]

Fuck this! Fuck this!

Ahh!

- Collected alien eggs.

- I kind of-- - We already covered all this.

We covered all this. - Oh, we--what?

- I feel like we done this. - We already talked about this.

I--that's why I was under the impression

that I was gonna do the interview, but if you're--

- Damon, how about you do it, then?

- Okay. - [spits]

- What the fuck is wrong-- what are you doing?

- What the f-- - What happened?

Did he spit at you?

- All over my arm. - Why did he spit at you?

Is he okay? - He's wasted.

He's been drinking since 12:00.

- [laughs] - Okay.

- So as I was saying,

in that fucking hallway

I had to dig through those disgusting maggots.

This is so fucking gross.

[gags]

Where's the fucking key?

This is fucking-- fuck me.

That arcade was creepy as hell.

Remember when I got attacked in the ball pit?

Oh, what the fuck?

What the shit?

Okay. I just need the token!

What the fuck is--

[squealing]

The insane asylum was super fucked up.

Oh, what the shit?

Okay. - [screaming]

- Fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Fuck this.

Where the fuck do I go?

I don't think I ever run so fast in my life.

I gonna go here.

Until the military thing.

I had to run through war.

[alarm blares] Shit.

- They triggered the explosions. Run!

Run! Run!

- Ahh!

The military game was insane.

Pretty much, I got shot at the entire time.

Oh!

Ow!

Ahh! Ahh.

The craziest thing was during the last one.

- You need to be punished.

- I did not sign up for this.

- Naughty boy! Bark like a dog!

- I can't believe that girl whipped me so much.

It fricking hurt too.

Woof! Ahh! - Bark like a dog! Bark!

- Bananas!

I'm just glad I made it out alive.

That's it for me for now,

but as always...

Jeff, do you want to kiss it?

- Sure. - No, you shouldn't.

You really shouldn't. [laughs]

I'm sorry. Um...

Let me redo that. [laughs]

I didn't think you'd say yes.

Okay. [laughs]

All right, that's it for me for now,

and as always,

stay awesome, bros.

[mimics explosion]

[upbeat music]

- Yo, yo, yo. What's up, everybody?

Whoa! PewDiePie's in the house!

- And Jeff!

- Say hello to PewDiePie.

- How's it going?

[applause]

How's it going?

- Doing good. How are you? - Good.

- Hey. Felix.

Have we met?

- Not yet. I'm arts department. - Oh, cool.

- Paul. - Nice to meet you, Paul.

- Pleasure.

- Who did the chair? That was really cool.

They built, like, this custom wheelchair...

Mr. Chair, what are you doing?

That, like, goes back, kind of like a horse, goes up.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Were you surprised to see the Smosh guys?

- They were wearing masks.

Anthony kept licking through the mask, like...

With his tiny, little thing. I'm like...

- Did you know? - No, I had no idea.

- No idea.

Sitting on this green thing.

Are you gonna spit on me?

- What? - Are you gonna spit on me now?

No, I'm just kidding. I'm just--

- How many times has he scared you?

- Oh, shit. We need, like, a montage of that.

- [Damon screaming]

- What?

[Damon screaming]

- Why?

What is that weird mix?

- It's whiskey.

- Why do you drink from a plastic bottle?

- Well, I don't know. I don't have, like, a--

- Kevin?

- We only got beer or wine.

Why don't you go get us some drinks?

- I don't want to say I think he's had enough to drink,

so I won't.

[upbeat music]

All right, everybody, thanks for coming out.

We have a couple people here tonight

that want to say a few words.

Rachel, the EP from Skybound.

[cheers and applause]

Here's Rachel.

- Hi, everybody.

Thank you all so, so, so much for being here tonight

and being with us through the whole show.

Uh, thank you guys for making this show possible.

It's been an absolute blast.

Okay, I'm gonna pass the mic to Felix,

the man of the hour, to say a few words.

[cheers and applause]

Come on!

- Wow.

No one told me I was gonna be on stage today.

Kevin! No! This is my moment!

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

I have something for you.

[applause]

That's for you.

[cheers and applause]

- Timmy!

- We all know what that is.

- For those of you that don't know, this is Timmy.

Timmy has been my rock throughout this whole thing.

Kevin has lied to me. Damon has lied to me.

This whole thing, Rachel has lied,

but let me tell you, Timmy here never lies.

[soft piano music]

♪ ♪

- Before you start-- before you start,

I just want to say... - Okay.

- Um, uh...

Um...

This has been-- [stammers]

I just wanted--

I-I feel like some of the time during t-the--

the three weeks with you,

in a van--hey, where's my van crew?

How many hours did we stay in the van?

- Too many? - Too many.

Shut the fuck up.

Um... And, uh...

And I just want to say, it's been--

it's--this road has been tough,

and, um...

And it's like, I mean, it's just hard in this world, you know.

I mean, you, um...

When you try and people don't have your back,

and-- for Feli--

Felix, you're awesome.

- Thank you.

- We're juggling so many balls

and we're dropping them,

and...

- It's okay, dude. - And I just--

No, it's okay. - Stop it.

- All right, uh, yes.

- Jeff-- - Enough.

- Okay. Give it up for Kevin.

Uh, Kevin has been really awesome through this show.

Really working hard.

When I signed up for this show,

I was like, "Holy shit. Why did I do this?

"This is a bad idea.

I regret this so much."

I had, like, anxiety for weeks.

But it's been, uh, really, really, really fun

and I love--

What the fuck?

- Lights! - Lights.

- Is Kevin doing something with it?

I don't know what I'm saying. [blow lands]

Oh, what the shit?

- Felix! Felix! I'm here! I'm here!

I told you I would find you.

- Give me the crowbar.

- Jeff. Jeff.

- What the hell are you doing? - Oh, fuck you.

Listen to me. Felix-- - Give me the goddamn crowbar!

[shouting]

- Please do something.

- Felix--

Felix, Felix, listen to me.

Listen to me.

Felix, you're the love of my life.

I came here to marry you.

- I-I'm sorry. I can see that.

- Nikki, shut up! - No, don't you--

Oh, shut up, Kevin! You're such a bag of dicks!

- Get out of here! Now!

- Fuck you! - Get out of here!

Shut the fuck up!

Don't move any further!

- How'd he get it?

- You think I'm scared of you?

You're such a fucking pussy.

- This is fucked up.

- Don't move any further.

- Don't tell me what to do.

[dramatic music]

[gunshot]

♪ ♪

- [slow-motion, distorted] What the fuck?

[gunshot]

♪ ♪

[gunshots]

[screaming]

- Kevin, what the--

[squealing]

- Can someone check on her?

- This is, like, the job of my life.

- [laughs]

- You have the best hair I've ever seen.

You're perfect. You're like a unicorn.

I love you!

This will not be the end!

- Drop the gun. - Drop that gun!

Gun! Put it there!

Step away from it now!

Is there a doctor in the house?

- Yeah, I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor.

There's no heartbeat.

God, she's--she's dead.

- That's not a doctor. That--you're--

that's my patient!

- Get away from me. - Come here.

- Get away from me, Doctor. I'm not going back!

You read my brain! - Security!

- Jeff, do your security!

- Calm down! - Easy.

- Calm down!

[grunting]

- What the shit?

- Is there a real doctor in the house?

- I'm a doctor. - Dr. Winters.

- Get out of the way. Get out of the way.

I have a pulse! I need a nurse!

- Dr. Winters, I'm here.

I'm in. - Good. Okay.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I'm not going anywhere.

- No--

- Because I'm fine.

[laughter]

[laughs] And I'm an actress.

[cheers and applause]

- This is what we've been putting Felix through

for the last three weeks. Right?

- Yeah, this is the only time you'll acknowledge the bullshit.

[laughter]

- This is Nikki.

- I was so sure that you were a fan,

and, like, you started off with, like...

And I'm like, "That's kind of weird."

She kept doing hearts, and I'm like--

Yeah, no, Marzia's very upset at you.

- Who is that? Who is that?

- The crazy doctor who spoke Swedish to me.

- Remember, The Walking Dead, he was one of the zombies.

[screaming]

That was you? - [low moaning]

- What? Oh, shit! That's you!

Yes!

You remember this guy? - What the hell?

I'm like, "That guy's hand is huge!

He has to be a police."

- He's an ex-cop, but he-- - Oh, you are.

- He's also an actor. - Holy shit.

- Cathy, why don't you come out here?

- The nurse who made me snot in her hands.

- I don't want to be the Texas Ebola nurse.

Come on! Hurry! Hurry! - Okay. Okay.

No, no, please. - Old times' sake.

Come on. - Why did you make me do that?

- Remember this guy? - Oh, shit.

You tased someone, didn't you?

- Close your eyes.

- Yeah!

Hey, sneaky snake. Hello, sneaky snake.

- Oh, shit!

[Felix screaming] - Come on, little piggy!

- Yes.

You were so scary.

I kept running. I never saw you.

I feel like I'm upset.

- Jeff our security guard...

- Not Jeff, guys.

- He's an actor. - No.

Come here, Jeff.

If there's anyone I want a hug from, it's Jeff.

- Here's the scariest part.

Damon is actually himself and he's not an actor.

He's just that way.

- What?

What? - Felix!

- Yeah! Okay. All right.

- We--we've been lying to you for the last three weeks

and you--we've told you some things

and lied about other things,

but there's one person who is responsible.

Um, who's that?

- It's you.

- What's my name?

Unfortunately, that is also... - No!

- A lie.

[laughter]

- Come on.

- That man there has been in... - Really?

- Every situation, every day.

That is the executive producer Kevin Healey.

- What's your real name?

- My name--I'm an actor.

Uh, it's Dave Storrs.

Um...

I'm a low-level actor.

[laughter]

I'm not really drunk.

All the lies stop now.

- I don't believe that, but--

you can say that all you want, but--

[applause]

- So and now I think you should just say,

"let's get the party started,"

so we can really party for real.

- Please, can we get the party started?

[upbeat music]

Yes!

♪ ♪

This whole show has been a wild experience.

It's been insane.

It's been a journey of a lifetime.

It was the craziest thing I have ever been in,

but it was a lot of fun.

I hope everyone enjoyed watching.

And as always,

stay awesome.

Ahh!

Bloody hell. Fuck that--

- Jeff, I want you pitch your app to Felix.

- I microwave popcorn

and sometimes it's too much time and it burns

and other times it's not enough.

You could put in the model number--

- So you know exactly how to cook the popcorn.

You're gonna be rich.