Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,837
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,174
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,969
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,847
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,200
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,201 --> 00:00:21,606
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,607 --> 00:00:23,189
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,024
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:30,155
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:36,245
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
11
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:42,544
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
12
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:48,212
Aw, this is one of those weird
third-verse-nobody-knows songs.
13
00:00:48,213 --> 00:00:50,317
♪ Winter killed our child ♪
14
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,093
♪ Medicine was rare ♪
15
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,220
♪ He ran outside in his bare feet ♪
16
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,469
♪ And then he died right there ♪
17
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:59,055
Glad that's over. Oh, God, there's four.
18
00:00:59,056 --> 00:01:00,851
♪ Please don't free the slaves ♪
19
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,104
♪ It's a bad idea ♪
20
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,273
♪ They'll try to get back at us ♪
21
00:01:05,274 --> 00:01:07,693
♪ And that'si our biggest fear, oh... ♪
22
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:12,363
And now, Adam West High School Choir's
23
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:15,393
original Christmas song, "Die Hard."
24
00:01:15,394 --> 00:01:16,532
I see those looks.
25
00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:19,036
Yes, the movie was
originally released in summer,
26
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,622
but it took place on Christmas Eve,
27
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,289
which makes it a Christmas film.
28
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:26,419
I guess we don't need this for anything.
29
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,878
♪ ♪
30
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:31,716
♪ Die Hard ♪
31
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:35,428
♪ Die Hard ♪
32
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:39,033
♪ John McClane ♪
33
00:01:39,034 --> 00:01:42,393
♪ And his wife ♪
34
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:48,393
♪ Yippee-ky-yay, (BLEEP) ♪
35
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:55,892
♪ Yippee-ky-yay, (BLEEP) ♪
36
00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:03,998
Chris and Meg alert.
37
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,834
Oh. We have to go, uh,
call our congressman.
38
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,919
- What are they...?
- Hey, Mr. Quagmire.
39
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,368
Getting ready for the birth of Christ?
40
00:02:11,369 --> 00:02:13,120
Which happened!
41
00:02:13,121 --> 00:02:14,685
Chris. Megan.
42
00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:16,761
- Gross.
- So, how did you like the show?
43
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,179
I-I didn't love it.
44
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,972
H-Hey, have you guys seen that mom
45
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,474
who wears a swimsuit for a bra?
46
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,850
She can't come to these.
47
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,811
Her ex-husband has a
restraining order against her.
48
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,802
Boy, her stock just keeps going up.
49
00:02:27,803 --> 00:02:29,025
So, Christmas, huh?
50
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:31,942
- You guys must be excited.
- Ugh, not at all.
51
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,750
It's always disappointing.
52
00:02:33,751 --> 00:02:35,988
Just a reminder
of how truly lonely I am.
53
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,075
- Hey-hey! Seamus, my man!
- Oh, hello.
54
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,240
Allow me to introduce you
to my son, Woody.
55
00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:42,495
- Hey, Woody.
- Hey.
56
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,538
He's gonna be a new character
on the show.
57
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,457
You're barely a character on the show.
58
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,834
More than Woody!
59
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,881
Meg, there's a lot I have
to get done here,
60
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,509
so I need you to take Stewie
to the mall to meet Santa.
61
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,177
- Okay. Sure.
- Great.
62
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,306
Now, why don't you go warm up
the car for your little brother?
63
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,809
She's gone. Quick!
64
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,770
Let's take the picture
for the Christmas card.
65
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,403
I sent the wrong picture to Walgreens.
66
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,864
♪ ♪
67
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,993
Oh, look, there's all the Jewish kids
68
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:24,495
sitting on the rabbi's lap,
69
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,789
where he asks them for something.
70
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:30,000
I want a new TV,
and it can't be a Vizio.
71
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,002
Sony or Samsung only.
72
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,181
And I need it all set up
before I turn it on.
73
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:38,676
I don't want to have to do
any of the things!
74
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,387
Okay, little guy. You're up.
75
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:54,403
So, little boy, what would you
like for Christmas?
76
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,702
What's wrong, little boy?
77
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,745
Don't be scared of Santa.
78
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,289
Come on, Stewie. It's okay.
79
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,207
Just sit on Santa's lap.
80
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,667
Ugh. Some people push their kids
to do stuff way too soon.
81
00:04:13,668 --> 00:04:15,629
Do you agree, Doctor Baby-Violin?
82
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:16,922
I really do.
83
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,799
♪ ♪
84
00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:22,094
Is it okay if I just hold
him for the picture?
85
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,638
Ho, ho, ho. Of course.
86
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,224
Sit right here, young lady.
87
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:31,061
Here you go, Stewie.
Santa's no one to be scared of.
88
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:34,815
He's kind and warm.
He loves unconditionally,
89
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,443
and... and he makes...
90
00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:40,654
everyone feel so... so...
91
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,156
Meg, what are you doing?
92
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,867
You look like Mom when she sits
on the washing machine.
93
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,953
Now, what would you like
for Christmas, little boy?
94
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,955
Shut up, everyone! Shut up! Shut up!
95
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,332
Just shut up!
96
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:55,503
♪ O come, let us adore him ♪
97
00:04:55,504 --> 00:05:00,257
♪ O come, let us adore him ♪
98
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:05,262
♪ O come, let us adore him... ♪
99
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:08,016
What, uh... Wh-What just happened?
100
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,393
I'll have what she's having.
101
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:14,522
Okay. She had six
well-done hamburger patties
102
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,524
jammed into a hard taco shell.
103
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:18,859
Oh. I just want to feel like that.
104
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:22,196
Okay. I mean, I can get it
for you, but it's a weird order.
105
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,032
The chef was not happy about it.
106
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:29,913
♪ ♪
107
00:05:45,677 --> 00:05:47,973
Are you ready for me, Meg?
108
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:50,982
♪ ♪
109
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,822
- Are you ready to get up?
- Huh?
110
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,950
I said it's time to get up.
111
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,326
It's 2:00.
112
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,537
I've never seen you sleep so soundly.
113
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,038
What's going on?
114
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,665
Mom, I think I met someone.
115
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,500
Oh, Meg, that's amazing.
116
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,085
I want to know all about him.
117
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,420
What's his name?
118
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,714
Let's just call him "Beard Boy."
119
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:25,717
Oh! It's like I'm in Sex with the City.
120
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,762
It all happened so quick,
but I really feel something.
121
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:32,182
- Am I crazy?
- No. Trust your instincts.
122
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,681
You've got to chase this feeling.
123
00:06:33,682 --> 00:06:35,480
Go find Beard Boy.
124
00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:37,981
I will, Mom. I will!
125
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,108
What was going on in here?
126
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,693
The windows are steamed up
127
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,821
like when Subway's making the bread.
128
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,698
Hey. What's going on in here?
129
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,450
We're making the bread, sir.
130
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,869
Good. Now get back to making sandwiches
131
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,038
with the shiniest turkey on earth!
132
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,706
Subway. Have it your way.
133
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,705
If your way is very wet.
134
00:06:57,706 --> 00:06:59,961
♪ ♪
135
00:07:05,746 --> 00:07:07,645
Can you pass the milk?
136
00:07:07,646 --> 00:07:09,845
Stewie? Can you pass the milk?
137
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,369
- ♪ O come, all ye faithful... ♪
- Shut up, everyone!
138
00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:15,506
Shut up! Shut up!
139
00:07:15,507 --> 00:07:16,976
Just shut up!
140
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,729
Hey. Pass the milk.
141
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,064
What the hell's going on with you?
142
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,066
I-I haven't slept in two days.
143
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,151
Is this still that Santa thing?
Get over it.
144
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,487
You didn't see the things I saw.
145
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,322
♪ O come ♪
146
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,159
♪ All ye faithful... ♪
147
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,912
I mean, Santa Claus
was bouncing us on his knee.
148
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,330
And it got a little faster,
149
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,332
then faster, and the more he bounced,
150
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,954
the bigger Meg's eyes got.
151
00:07:39,955 --> 00:07:42,712
It was... it was...
Just look at the picture!
152
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,590
Wow. Okay.
153
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,842
Uh, Stewie,
I think I know what happened.
154
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,345
I can't tell you explicitly,
since we're owned by Disney,
155
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,430
but let me just say that
156
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,141
Santa made her "Little Mermaid" "Moana."
157
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,769
- Oh.
- Exactly.
158
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:02,232
Brian, would you hand me
the Fat Man's fancy puking hat?
159
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,951
God, this hat is deep.
160
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,623
Now, there's my hat.
Kids, I'm off to the opera.
161
00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:22,210
This opera stinks.
162
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,840
It was awful, Rupert.
163
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,342
And worst of all,
I didn't even get to ask Santa
164
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,825
for the Vitamix.
165
00:08:31,826 --> 00:08:34,805
Blender? It's more than a blender.
166
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:37,224
Stewie. I'm gonna
take you back to the mall
167
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,642
to sit on Santa's lap.
168
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,103
Oh, my God, I've got to hide!
169
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,695
How did she find me?
That's my best hiding spot. No!
170
00:08:46,696 --> 00:08:49,229
Oh, and by the way, Rupert,
after what I saw,
171
00:08:49,230 --> 00:08:52,697
I know you've been faking it
this whole time.
172
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,418
♪ ♪
173
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,669
Meg, please don't.
174
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,718
Listen, I've got seven dollars
in my piggy bank.
175
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:11,364
It's yours. No?
All right, uh, I'll kill Chris.
176
00:09:11,365 --> 00:09:12,637
You want me to kill Chris?
177
00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:14,678
Who do you want me to kill? Chris? No?
178
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,846
Okay. I got it.
179
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,265
Next road show, Stewie and Meg. Promise.
180
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:21,560
♪ We're off on the road to Ohio. ♪
181
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,854
High in the middle
and round at both ends!
182
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,439
Meg, I love our road show.
183
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,066
- Next.
- No!
184
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,278
Huh. Something's different.
185
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,176
Hey, uh, Meg? Uh, can you cut that out?
186
00:09:34,177 --> 00:09:35,290
Dad?!
187
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:36,909
Please don't tell your
mother about this.
188
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,577
I took an extra job.
189
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,538
I don't make much money,
and Christmas is very expensive.
190
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,000
Dad? I'm gonna ask you one question,
191
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,378
and how you answer it will
determine the rest of my life.
192
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,423
Were you the Santa
at this mall yesterday?
193
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,217
- No.
- Oh, thank God.
194
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,427
Now, Meg, I got a question for you:
195
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,763
Is there really a weight limit
for the escalator,
196
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,473
or did I just meet some mean kids?
197
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,391
Hey, Peter, let's keep it moving.
198
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,393
Some stockbrokers are gonna
throw me into a gong later.
199
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,480
Excuse me. Do you remember
the Santa from yesterday?
200
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,649
Lady, I've been thrown
head first into so many gongs,
201
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,400
I don't remember my own name.
202
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,077
I think he was just a temp.
I'd try the Warwick Mall.
203
00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:14,901
Thanks. Stewie, come on.
204
00:10:14,902 --> 00:10:16,582
We're going to the Warwick Mall.
205
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,077
Stewie?
206
00:10:18,078 --> 00:10:20,743
♪ ♪
207
00:10:20,744 --> 00:10:22,580
Chocolate sample.
208
00:10:24,438 --> 00:10:26,274
Again.
209
00:10:28,490 --> 00:10:31,089
Just leave the carton.
210
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,169
- Santa's the best.
- I'm gonna ask for a bike.
211
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:35,592
I'm also enthusiastic about Santa.
212
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,512
All hail the great Santa Claus.
213
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:41,472
Yeah. This guy gets it.
214
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:44,092
Wait a minute.
That noise seems negative.
215
00:10:44,093 --> 00:10:46,854
Santa's a good guy
'cause he keeps a list?
216
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,948
You know who else kept a list? Hitler.
217
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,483
My uncle who moved
to the Idaho wilderness
218
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,778
says Hitler was a great man.
219
00:10:52,779 --> 00:10:54,788
There you are. Come on.
220
00:10:54,789 --> 00:10:57,197
We've got to visit Santa
at another mall.
221
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,406
I can't go back to Santa, man! I can't!
222
00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:01,826
- Hello again.
- Hi.
223
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,082
That's the guy that was peeing
in the women's bathroom.
224
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:15,132
Stewie, when this is over,
I'm buying you a new toy.
225
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,509
Meg, when this is over,
I'm putting rocks in my pockets
226
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,909
and walking into the mall fountain.
227
00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:21,847
How much longer is this gonna take?
228
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,807
I don't know. 400 minutes?
229
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,851
One reason I work as a seasonal elf
230
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,519
is I'm not great at time estimates.
231
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,813
- Next.
- See? 400 minutes.
232
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:33,398
Even a broken clock
is right six times a day.
233
00:11:33,399 --> 00:11:35,442
He's very scared,
so I have to sit here with him.
234
00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:36,961
Would you mind bouncing me a little?
235
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:39,230
Um, okay. I guess I can do that.
236
00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:42,743
Hey, come on, a little harder than that.
237
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,372
- Look, I don't feel comf...
- Please! It's Christmas. Please!
238
00:11:45,373 --> 00:11:46,890
What does... what does
that have to do with...
239
00:11:46,892 --> 00:11:48,740
Just do it!
240
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,919
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪
241
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,171
♪ Went up the water spout... ♪
242
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,006
Wait, wait, th-this isn't working.
243
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,082
Were you at the Quahog Mall last night?
244
00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:01,845
No. L-Last night, I was weeping
outside my ex-wife's apartment.
245
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,719
I drank too much
and went over to yell at her.
246
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,179
Yeah, he's not your guy, Meg.
247
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:08,018
They said my Santa would
be here, and you're not him.
248
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,970
I'm sorry. Story of my life.
249
00:12:09,971 --> 00:12:12,105
I live to disappoint women, apparently.
250
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:15,071
Well, where is he? Where's my Santa?
251
00:12:15,072 --> 00:12:17,306
- I don't know!
- I need to find him.
252
00:12:17,307 --> 00:12:19,169
He made me a woman!
253
00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:20,865
Where is he?
254
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,725
He's a phony!
255
00:12:24,726 --> 00:12:26,937
A great, big phony!
256
00:12:26,938 --> 00:12:29,706
Excuse me, ma'am, I'm gonna
give you just 600 minutes
257
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,415
- to get out of here.
- But you don't understand.
258
00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:33,758
One, two, 600 minutes.
259
00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:35,945
That's it. Security!
260
00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:37,699
What took you so long?
261
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:38,965
Let me go.
262
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:42,135
Lady, by the power vested in me
by Paul Blart,
263
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,096
you are now banned from this mall
264
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,961
and every mall in this county.
265
00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:50,060
W-Wait. I need my little brother.
266
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,771
Stewie!
267
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,527
Time to sleep in heavenly peace.
268
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:03,391
Wow, looks like that baby is all wet.
269
00:13:05,747 --> 00:13:07,494
Classic Woody.
270
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,205
This is Woody.
271
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,838
So, you want to tell me
why you were assaulting Santa
272
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,423
in front of the whole mall?
273
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,216
What about Beard Boy?
274
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,510
Santa is Beard Boy.
275
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,470
You're in love with Santa?
276
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,847
Maybe.
277
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,641
He gave me my first... you know.
278
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,394
He just bounced me on his lap,
and the next thing you know,
279
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,187
- I saw Jimmy Connors.
- You saw Jimmy Connors.
280
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,690
It happens to every girl
their first time.
281
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,358
You'll never see him again, by the way.
282
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,152
I won't? Why not?
283
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:43,113
I don't know.
That's God's trick on women.
284
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,365
It's your first time,
followed by a lifetime
285
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,784
of diminishing returns.
286
00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:55,793
I wonder what I'll see on my first time.
287
00:14:13,601 --> 00:14:16,518
I can't let Stewie grow up
scared of Santa Claus.
288
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,150
Ho, ho, ho.
289
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,022
Santa? Is that really you?
290
00:14:22,023 --> 00:14:24,237
- Sure is.
- Well, how'd you get in?
291
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,406
- Through the window.
- It was just unlocked?
292
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,101
Like, anybody can just come
through my window at any time?
293
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,079
- I really don't like...
- Forget about that.
294
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,414
I know you're having a tough time.
295
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,417
I just wanted to tell you
that everything is fine.
296
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,921
Meg is entering probably
the most horny part of her life.
297
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,006
This could just as easily have happened
298
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:44,800
while she was riding a horse
or something.
299
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,551
I'm just sorry you had to see it.
300
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,721
Okay. Don't want people
just coming in whenever.
301
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:53,183
Stewie, that Christmas magic
you think you lost,
302
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,102
it can't just disappear.
303
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,896
I'm still the same guy
you've always loved.
304
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,814
Thanks, Santa. I feel better.
305
00:15:00,815 --> 00:15:03,110
Just try to have a good Christmas.
306
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:05,237
Uh, speaking of that, I want a new dog.
307
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,114
What's wrong with the dog you have?
308
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:10,033
Eh, he's okay.
I just... I just want a new one.
309
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,661
Maybe you can spend more time
with the old one
310
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:15,330
- before you make any decisions.
- Nah. Want a new one.
311
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,457
Thanks, Santa.
Can you leave from the door?
312
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,004
I'm kind of freaking
over the window thing.
313
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,586
Sure.
314
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,297
Oh, my God. Santa?
315
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,970
- I want a new dog.
- Oh, come on!
316
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,848
There you are.
317
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,891
I had a hell of a time
finding your room.
318
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,603
Can I come in?
319
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,904
- Cigarette?
- No.
320
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,494
Mind if I have one?
321
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:46,653
So, you want to talk about
this whole Santa's lap thing?
322
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:50,490
Dad, this stuff, I-I think it's
gonna be hard for you to hear.
323
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,200
Oh, don't worry, Meg.
I brought this handkerchief
324
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,000
to dab my forehead whenever
you say something sexual.
325
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:57,330
- So, I'm-I'm sitting on Santa's lap...
- Oh, dear.
326
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,332
And it's like my whole body
starts to tingle.
327
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,342
Oh, my stars.
328
00:16:00,344 --> 00:16:01,751
And-and then there's, like, a-a deep...
329
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,170
I better loudly drop an Alka-Seltzer
330
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,921
in this glass of water.
331
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:07,549
Very loud fizzing.
332
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,426
I-I may need to widen my eyes
333
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,386
until they look like
a young girl's Snapchat filter.
334
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,180
Like, sort of a-a warm steam iron?
335
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,345
Okay. It's okay, Meg.
336
00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:19,186
Look, this Santa person
clearly made you very happy.
337
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,515
And I want my daughter to be happy.
338
00:16:21,516 --> 00:16:24,564
Go find your mall Santa, wherever he is.
339
00:16:24,565 --> 00:16:26,568
I love you, Dad.
340
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,361
And thanks for the pep talk.
341
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,238
Hey, I learned from the best.
342
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,579
You know, I played football for
Coach Joe Paterno at Penn State.
343
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:36,244
All right, team,
remember everything you learned
344
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,954
in practice this week
345
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,713
and forget everything
after practice this week.
346
00:16:40,714 --> 00:16:42,960
Break.
347
00:16:44,547 --> 00:16:48,381
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle all the way ♪
348
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,217
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
349
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,298
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
350
00:16:52,299 --> 00:16:54,054
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
351
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,390
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
352
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,057
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
353
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:00,388
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
354
00:17:00,389 --> 00:17:02,309
♪ ♪
355
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:19,496
♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
356
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:23,250
♪ Oh, what funin a one-horse open sleigh ♪
357
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:27,379
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
358
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,506
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪
359
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:33,176
♪ In a one-horse open ♪
360
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:35,136
- ♪ Sleigh ♪
- ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
361
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:37,681
♪ Jingle all the way. ♪
362
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,018
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've got to get in there.
363
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,187
Sorry, sweetie. It's Christmas Eve.
364
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:47,938
Mall Quiet on the Western Front
closed 900 minutes ago.
365
00:17:47,939 --> 00:17:49,693
Oh, no.
366
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,454
Do you have a big cup
I can pee in for my ride home?
367
00:17:52,455 --> 00:17:54,614
Take my mostly done Jamba Juice.
368
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,617
And merry Christmas.
369
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,874
Wow. There was more in there
than I thought.
370
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,294
- Meg?
- Santa?
371
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,877
Yes, Meg. It's me, Santa.
372
00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:12,865
Oh, my God, there's a bench
right over there.
373
00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:14,509
Quick, let me sit on your leg.
374
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,219
No, that's not what I'm here for.
375
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,554
Yes, it is. Now, sit down.
376
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,307
Meg, no. Meg, no. Get off.
377
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,517
Geez, I'm trying to give you
a heartwarming message
378
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,935
of Christmas joy.
379
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,646
You know, the same feeling
you got when you were five
380
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,440
and I gave you that Malibu Barbie?
381
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,899
How did you know that?
382
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,110
I told you. I'm the real Santa.
383
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,405
I try to visit every mall
at least once during Christmas.
384
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:37,240
Except Long Island malls.
385
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,533
Those people are a little much.
386
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,493
Oh, no.
387
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,872
I can't believe I, you know,
grew up all over you.
388
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,166
It's okay, Meg. You see, I know
389
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,169
what each and every person
needs for Christmas.
390
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,839
For you, it was your first
time seeing Jimmy Connors.
391
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,884
But the truth is,
it had nothing to do with me.
392
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,511
The Christmas magic lives in there.
393
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:02,182
And as long as you believe,
it'll always be with you.
394
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,558
Deep inside.
395
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,226
- Inside my...
- Wherever you find it, yes.
396
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,145
Thanks, Santa.
397
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,863
You're welcome, Meg.
398
00:19:08,864 --> 00:19:10,857
Well, I'm off to distribute presents
399
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:13,234
to boys and girls all over the world.
400
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,071
All right, I'm gonna
put my leg up on this back tire
401
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,529
and take a she-wee.
402
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:22,035
You know, you don't have to say
everything out loud, Meg.
403
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,746
Wait, are you sure
you're the real Santa Claus?
404
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,081
Yes, I'm the real Santa Claus.
405
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:28,124
I'm totally real,
so don't tell anyone about this
406
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,626
and don't say anything to anyone.
407
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,544
Merry Chris...
408
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,713
Damn it.
409
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,021
Come on.
410
00:19:35,022 --> 00:19:38,466
I... I-I really got to go
behind the car.
411
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:40,679
♪ ♪
412
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,391
Whoa!
413
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,118
Meg?
414
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:08,748
Hi. Merry Christmas.
415
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,750
I'm tennis bad boy Jimmy Connors.
416
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,043
How did you get in here?
417
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,545
I came in through your baby's window.
418
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:14,963
You can just open it.
419
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,257
Men are now just coming in at will!
420
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,009
I heard you had
a pretty confusing Christmas.
421
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,970
Yeah, it's tough being a teenager,
422
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:24,889
dealing with all these
new emotions and feelings
423
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,266
and streaming platforms.
424
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,436
I remember when I was your age,
I was confused, too.
425
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,897
Then I got a haircut
that I'd keep for 50 years.
426
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,525
You've just got to find
your one thing that works.
427
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:38,679
You mean a haircut like this?
428
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,621
Meg, I think you're gonna be just fine.
429
00:20:41,622 --> 00:20:45,076
But just in case, here.
I want you to have these.
430
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,186
- Your balls?
- That's right.
431
00:20:47,187 --> 00:20:48,413
Whenever you need me,
432
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,915
just rub my balls, and I'll come.
433
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,501
♪ O come, ye ♪
434
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:57,298
♪ O come, ye, to Bethlehem. ♪
435
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,968
Good night.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
32426
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
