All language subtitles for Cheers S10E23 Bar Wars Vi This Time Its For Real Dvdrip Xvid-Macro

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Hey, Cliffie.
Hey, Norm.

How's your day?
Oh, boring.

Nothing happens in
this burg anymore.

I know what you mean.
I am bored.

Ooh, ooh,
look at that.

Look what
we got here.
What?

Look.

Oh, it's the film critic
at Channel 11.

No, it's the anchorman
at Channel Eight.

You want to,
uh... autograph?
Yeah, yeah.

Uh, excuse me.
Hey, uh...

Hi, guys.
Hey.

How are you?
Hey, uh,

we're really
big fans of yours.

Yeah.
Oh, well.

Can we get your autograph?

Yeah.
Yeah, sure.

Uh, here,

let me get something
to write on.
Need a pen?

Yeah.
A full-service
autograph.

What a guy!

Oh, yeah.
You know, I love that, uh,

that report you did
on that train wreck.

You know, they ought to get you

for 60 Minutes
as an anchor.

No, I... I'm...
Pulitzer Prize.

John Kerry, Senator Kerry.

From Massachusetts.
Oh, our Senator!

I'm sorry, man.

I'm-I'm so sorry.
Sir.

We didn't mean
to bother you.
Sorry to bother you.

Hey, wait, Norm,

maybe he knows Senator Gopher
from The Love Boat.

Hey, yo!
Hey!

Hey!
Wait, Senator Kerry!

(theme song begins)

� Making your way
in the world today �

� Takes everything you've got �

� Taking a break
from all your worries �

� Sure would help a lot �

� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �

� Sometimes you want to go �

� Where everybody
knows your name �

� And they're always
glad you came �

� You wanna be
where you can see �

� Our troubles
are all the same �

� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �

� You wanna go
where people know �

� People are all the same �

� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �

Say, uh, Norm,

want to go back and,
uh, shoot some stick?

Oh, I'd love to,
Cliffie, but I'm busy

talking on the
phone with Vera.

Huh?
Which reminds me.

Uh, what are you talking about?

I'm listening
to every single word.

Got this down to a science.

Give me a refill,
please, Woody.

REBECCA:
Hey, everybody!

I have the most wonderful news.

You got a job?

I have a job.
Oh.

I'm sorry.

I confused
having a job

with being paid
to actually do something.

It spins just the same,
Carla.

I just got

a call from Redbook magazine,

and I have been selected

as one of the six Boston
businesswomen

to get a full beauty
makeover.

And the final results will
be in their next issue.

Oh, that's too bad.

I always liked
Redbook.

Rebecca, I can't possibly think

why you would need a makeover.

You're always
impeccably dressed.

You're constantly

alluring
without being overstated.

Well, thank you, Frasier.

Your eye makeup gives you
a certain feline quality.

It's irresistible.
Mm.

And I can't see how anyone
could possibly improve

on the way your hair cascades
down your face

in that peekaboo fashion.

Much like my own darling
Lilith.

Speak of the devil!

Not that you're a
devil, of course.

Just, uh, the
total opposite.

In fact, you're the
complete opposite
of the devil.

You're i.e.,
an angel.

There's no need
to be nervous, Frasier.

It's perfectly
natural for you

to be attracted
to other women.

It shows you have a,
a healthy sex drive.

I'm attracted
to other men.

Oh, no, not this
game again.

Let's see,
where shall I begin?

Yowsa!

So Miss Howe's gonna
be in Redbook.

Well, what is that?

Some kind of fashion
magazine?

Oh, no, no.

It's, uh, more than a fashion
magazine, Woody.

It, it's about
today's women.

You know, who they are,

uh, their wants,
their needs.

Cliffie, you read Redbook?

I don't so much
as read it, Norm.

I, uh, I do take some
of the quizzes, though.

Would you believe

that I'm actually
autumn complected?

Hey, guys, you're not gonna
believe this.

Gary sold
The Olde Towne Tavern.

No!
Get out!

SAM:
No kidding.

He sold it
to this guy named Frank.

Uh, runs a bunch of bars
in other cities.

He's already in.

Wait a minute.
This means that

any bar tab run
under the previous management

would automatically be null
and void, right?

You have a bar tab at Gary's?

Not anymore, Sam.

Oh, no more Gary's?

I can't believe that!

You know, in a way,
I'm gonna really
miss that guy.

Miss him?
You kidding me?
Yeah.

Worst thing
that ever happened to me.

I've never been happier
to see a guy go.

Aw, come on, Sam.

Nah, he was terrible.

He even turned
you guys,

my good friends,
against me.

Huh?
You remember
Halloween?

Oh.
When you
convinced me

that I killed
the man?

Ha ha.
(laughs)

Yeah, you hate to see
the great ones retire.

Boy, without Gary,
what's left for us, huh?

So, huh,
what do you think?

You ready to start a rivalry
with the, uh, new bar?

What are you talking
about?

Yeah.
Come on.

It's a golden opportunity.

We can win this time.

We can steal
all of Gary's best ideas

and use 'em
against this new guy.

And you remember how Gary's
always going first?

We can learn
from that.

We can move first
ourselves.

Very good, Sam.

As that famous
prankster

Santayana
once said,

"Those who do not
learn from history

are condemned
to repeat it."

You got that right,
Doctor Crane.

Back in high school
I was condemned

to repeat History three times.

By the way, the same goes
for Mathematics.

Come on, come on.

What do you say
we show this Frank guy

there's another bar
in town?

Do we really want to
let ourselves in

for that kind of
humiliation again?

Sure!

Oh, no, no, Sam,
I think Normie's right.

I mean, if there's one thing
Gary taught us

it's that we're nothing
but a bunch of losers.

Yeah, but the new guys
don't know that.

Well, let's show 'em,
huh?

Yeah!

Okay, I'll be
right back.

Okay.
(gasps)

Look at me!
Lilith, look at me!

Isn't this
exciting?
Yes.

Every so often people
need to recreate
themselves.

And frequently the
metamorphosis has very
positive results.

You should've seen

what I looked like
back in my college days.

Bowwow!

So, Rebecca, you're having
a makeover, huh?

Yes.

You know, uh, I don't
understand. I mean,

if there was ever a person
who didn't need a makeover,

it's you.

I think you're perfect
just the way you are.

Oh, well, thank you, Paul.

Boobs, too, or just the face?

Just the face.

Eh.

(Norm chuckles)

I assume you've
just come

from the new Olde
Towne Tavern.

Yeah, we went for an
often used stunt,

but one that's sure
to bring a smile.

(laughs)
We teepeed the whole
front of the place.

And how will they know

that you're the dastardly
ones that did the deed?

LILITH:
Good question.

Could have been the Mensa
chapter from M.I.T.

Ah, we soaped their windows

"Regards from your friends
at Cheers."

NORM:
Yeah, and I threw
a few packs

of "Cheers" matches with
our address in there.

I stuck my head in the door
and yelled, "Cheers rules!"

SAM:
Yeah, if they

can't figure that out,

they're the stupidest
bar in town.

Ooh, I wouldn't go
that far, Sam.

So all we got to
do now is, uh,

sit back and see what
these guys are made out of.

Yeah, I can't wait
to see

what weenie retaliation
Frank comes up with, huh?

Yeah, yeah, it'll be
the standard novice stuff.

You know, rubber rat
behind the bar

or something.
Yeah, stealing the
sign out front.

Having 20 pizzas
delivered.

Oh!
Yeah, whatever
it is,

there won't be any imagination
connected to it.

These guys are rookies.

They'll just come up
with something pathetic.

(explosion)

(loud thudding)

Well, we better get this
cleaned up

before the pizza arrives.

I'm here to take some
pictures of the wreckage.

Oh, she's way
over there.

So, uh, you're a Redbook
photographer, huh?
Mm-hmm.

How'd you manage to land
this assignment?

Mouthed off to one
of the editors.

OFFICER:
So, uh, Mr. Malone,

do you have any idea
who could have done this?

Yeah, I do.

The new owner of Gary's
Olde Towne Tavern.

A guy named Frank.

See, what happened is we
went over, you know,

in the spirit of
gamesmanship,

and I gave him the old welcome
to the neighborhood.

Teepeed their bar.

FRASIER:
Yeah, we considered

plastic explosives
on their front door,

but thought, "Nah,
too funny."

Do you have any idea who
you're dealing with here?

What do you mean?

How do I explain it
to you? Um,

this guy Frank is
kind of "connected,"

if you know what I mean.

Wow, he wears a pacemaker?

Oh, now I really

feel bad.

No, no, you don't
understand.

His full name is Frank

"The Angel of Death"
Carpaccio.

This guy's associated

with some very bad
individuals.

You're kidding me!

I'm afraid not.

Oh, my God!

We just teepeed
a mob bar.

If you want,
Mr. Malone,

I suppose you can
press charges.

Of course, I saw some
pictures of people

who pressed charges
against Mr. Carpaccio

and his associates
on different occasions.

It turned my stomach.

Wait'll you get next
month's Redbook.

Uh, look,

it'd probably
be a good idea

to just let the whole thing
rest, you know what I mean?

Yeah, thanks, yeah.
Oh,

uh, one other thing.

Uh, we're not gonna
be much help to you here.

You see, uh, we're all scared
of the guy,

and we pretty much let him
do whatever he wants.

Boy, I feel safer with
those guys around.

Oh, holy mother!

What have we done?

Oh, come on.
We didn't know, Carla.

You don't understand, Sam.

This is not gonna end here.

I mean, these guys are new
in town.

They're gonna want to make
examples of all of us.

If I may interject,

I think you've all seen too
many Godfather movies.

I agree.
Should have stopped at two.

That notwithstanding,

I don't think
we should

run off in a
panic here.

Don't you see what
we're doing?

We're stereotyping
these people

and letting our irrational
fears convince us

that they intend to
do us bodily harm

in some cold-blooded
fashion.

Now, with that said,

I will bid you all a
fond adieu for a
couple of weeks.

Lilith,

Frederick and I are
going on vacation.

What are you
talking about?

Oh, don't you
remember

that trip we talked
about, dear?
We didn't plan a trip.

Oh, it'll all come back
to you in the cab.

Let's go.
Come on.
But I need
my briefcase.

No, leave it, woman!
Move!
Oh!

CARLA:
Look, Sam,

I know these people.
Okay?

I mean, it's one thing
to be into them for money.

They got a sense
of humor about that.

But it's another
thing

to humiliate them
like we did.

I mean, they're not
gonna forget about this.

Oh, you know,
Carla's right.

The only thing
we can do is

go over and apologize to Frank

"The Angel of Death"
Carpaccio.
Nah, Cliffie,

that's not gonna do it.

We have to go over there
and beg like dogs.

Okay.
SAM:
Oh, no, wait a second,

wait a second.
NORM:
What?

I just had
a thought here.

What?
Who would like
to see us beg

more than anyone else
in the whole world?

Sammy, you don't suppose

Vera's behind this
whole thing, do you?

No, I'm talking
about Gary.

Gary?
Yeah.

What do you mean?
Well, think about it.

I mean, the guy sells his bar
and disappears.

The guy who buys it all of
a sudden moves in instantly.

I mean, come on,
we're being set up.

We're a bunch
of suckers.

You think?
Yeah.

Remember Halloween?

The guy crawled
into a coffin, you know,

and pretended
to be dead

just to scare
the bejeebers out of me.

(Woody laughing)

Yeah, I'm glad we
got that on tape.

(laughing)

You got that
on tape?

I'm talking
out of turn.

I-I-I get this,
I get this.

You mean, we go over to Gary's
crying like babies,

and Gary jumps out of the wall
laughing his head off.

How many times does Gary have
to make us look like jerks

before we wise up, huh?

Well, you know,
there's some things

you just can't
put a number on.

Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it now.

You mean when all
is said and done,

at the end of this, I'm still
going to have a tab at Gary's?

Yes, Norm.

That bastard,
let's get him.

I got an idea.

Why don't we just play along
with this, huh?

Why don't we go over there
and, uh, "apologize?"

Yeah, I see what you mean.

We apologize to him.

Yeah.
Yeah, that's right,

apologize in a big way.

ALL:
Yeah.

Apologize like he's never been
apologized to before.

ALL:
Yeah.

This is great.

What are we doing?

I'll explain it
to you later, Woody.

Yeah, well, uh, can we keep
talking in these voices?

Hey, Mr. Krapence,

tell Miss Howe we'll be back
after a while.

Boy, every time I set foot
in this place,

it gives me the creeps.

ALL:
Norm!

How do they know you in here?

Hey, Sammy closes
on Christmas morning.

Okay?

Excuse me, uh, is
Mr. Carpaccio around?

Oh, Gary went all the way,
didn't he?

Look at that guy.

Dark shirt,
shiny suit, jewelry.

If you want to get a girl,
you got to know how to dress.

Uh, fellas?

Excuse me, uh,
Mr. Carpaccio?

Yeah, what is it?

My name's Sam
Malone, sir.

We're from Cheers.

Oh, yeah.

You're a bunch of funny guys
over there, aren't you?

Uh, yeah, about that, sir,
we're here to apologize.

You are?

Oh, yes, sir,
you see, uh,

we had this kind
of friendly rivalry

with the previous
owner, Gary,

and, you know, we
just thought we'd try

to start a little something
with you, that's all.

We didn't mean
any harm by it.

Well, Mr. Malone,

I appreciate your coming
down here to tell me this.

Shows you got respect.

I didn't scare you

too much, did I?

(laughs)

Yes, sir,
you know,

it'll take much more
than an exploding door

to, uh, scare off
Clifford Clavin.

Well, what
about that clown

at the car wash?

I'm a little bit frightened
of clowns, okay?

It's normal.

Well, the incident is forgotten;
it never happened.

Thank you
very much.

Now, that's a load off
our minds, isn't it?
Yeah.

Say, you're the, uh,

barmaid over there,
aren't you, at Cheers?

Yeah, I am.
Hey,

you know,
we need a new one over here.

We had one, but, uh,
she was a big blabbermouth.

(laughs)

Sorry, I got a job.

SAM:
Actually, you know,
we were thinking,

this being a new business
and all, we thought,

you know, maybe you could
use a few extra customers.

Just to show you
we're not, uh,

having any hard feelings here,
we thought

we'd fill the
place up for you.

You know who's really
a thirsty bunch, Sam?

Firemen.

Oh, that's a good idea,
firemen.

Now, how can we get
firemen in here in a hurry?

You just leave it
to me.

(alarm ringing)

How's that, Gary,
wet enough for you?

ALL:
� Singing in the rain... �

CARPACCIO:
Hey, what the hell is this?!

You people don't know
who you're fooling around with!

You're dead!

You're dead,
do you hear me?

Your family-- dead!

Your friends-- dead!

Your pets-- dead!

Dead, dead, dead!

(door opens)

Well, I understand
congratulations are in order.

You beat Gary
at his own game.

Gee, I...

wish I could have been there
with you when you did it.

Well, maybe you could have
if you hadn't run out of here

with your tail
between your legs.

Well, Carla, in my profession

we encourage people
to go with their feelings,

and at that time my feelings

were stark, gibbering terror
and borderline incontinence.

Oh, that's all right,
Dr. Crane, we all get scared.

For example,
when Mr. Clavin

sees that clown
outside the car wash,

he starts screaming
at the top of his lungs.

I got a phobia, okay?

Let me tell you a story here

about a sweet little
eight-year-old

called Cliff Clavin.

On his eighth birthday,
his ma hires a clown.

Great idea, right?

Except for one thing.

None of the other kids show up.

So here I am with this clown
for five hours.

Just me and him,
back and forth--

"Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah."

I keep screaming,
"Enough, enough,"

but, no, Ma wanted
to get her money's worth.

(door opens)

Excuse me,
are you Sam Malone?

Yeah,

what can I do
for you?

I'm Inspector Hanson.

Agent Carmichael, FBI.

We have some business with you
regarding a Frank Carpaccio.

Oh, man, Gary doesn't give up,
does he?

(laughs)

How do we, uh, know you
gentlemen are from the FBI, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

That's the real McCoy,
all right, Sammy.

It's not like the one I got
down at the mall.

We've been conducting
an investigation

into the activities
of Mr. Carpaccio,

also known
as "The Angel of Death."

Well, wait a minute.
What are you telling me?

Are you telling me this guy's
a legitimate criminal?

I've spent five years in court
trying to prove that.

Only every time I get close,

my star witness ends up
in some warehouse

dangling from a meat hook.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I'm wasting
precious vacation time.

CARMICHAEL:
Anyway, yesterday evening,

we made a recording
of a conversation

in which Mr. Carpaccio
threatened you, Mr. Malone,

along with several other
unidentified people,

whose lives
are all in danger now.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

Wait a minute.
What does this have
to do with us?

Well, we'd like all of you
to testify

against Mr. Carpaccio
in court.

Excuse me.

What? What are
you doing?

Look, if I can get to confession
fast enough,

maybe I can get capped
in a state of grace.

Carla, come on,
that's not gonna help.

Look, Sam, they want us to sing
against this guy in court, okay?

We'll all be dead.

Us?
What about our pets?

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

What are we gonna do?

It's all your fault,
Peterson.
What?

You're the one
who wanted us
to go back there.

Yeah, but Carla pulled
the damn fire alarm!

Hey, don't blame me!

Sam's the one who made us buy
the umbrellas.

Hey, Norm choreographed
the stupid number!

It took a team
of four men 12 hours,

but I think I'm worth it.

What do you think?

About what?

About me!
About the new way I look.

Hey, honey, we're a
little busy right now.

Do you mind?

I mean, we just found out
that we insulted a mob boss

and he's threatened
to kill us.

We could be in a little bit
of trouble right now.

But I'm blonde. See?

You don't get it,
do you, Rebecca?

This isn't a game.
We could all get killed.

Yeah, but look.
Even my roots are blonde.

Rebecca, would you just shut up
for a second, please?

All right, fine.

I'll just go show people
who are less self-absorbed.

Hey, everybody, look at me!
Look at me!

Listen, people,
we've got to act
quickly here.

We're moving in on Carpaccio
sometime during the week.

In the meantime, we'll have
to relocate all of you

until he's safely
behind bars.

We have to get
moving right away.

There's a bus outside.

What about my kids?

Well, we'll assign an agent
to take care of them.

Will he have a gun?

Oh, yes, he will.

Then he's got a fighting chance.

Let's go, people!

No, wait a minute,
wait a minute. I'm not going.

What do you mean?

Listen, this is,
this is my whole life.

You know, I've worked too long
and too hard

to give up everything
that's important to me.

You're taking
quite a risk, Mr. Malone.

I-I can't live my life in fear.

Well, we all can.
And time's a-wasting.

Let's go.

Hold it, hold it.

If Sam's not going,
I'm not going either.

What?

Oh, Woody, wait a second.

I, I can't let you
take that risk.

As long
as you understand, Sam.

Let's make tracks, folks.

This is it?

Where's the agent
supposed to meet us?

Maybe we'd better get back
on the bus, huh?

Hey. Hey!

Whoa! Whoa!

The last bus of the day.

Swell.

I'm freezing.

I'm hungry.

I'm thirsty.

Guy wouldn't let me
take my beer on the bus.

Yeah, we know that,
Norm.

You only said it
about a thousand times.

Well, he wouldn't.

(phone rings)

Must be the agent.

Hello?

Carla, hi!

Sam?

How you doing?

Terrible!

We're stuck out here
in the middle of nowhere,

waiting for someone
to pick us up.

You're all alone?

Yeah, for about 200 miles.

Wow! Is it cold?

Yeah, Sam, I'm cold.
I'm freezing.

I'm thinking
about hugging Clavin.

Boy, what a shame.

Hey, listen, honey,
you remember, uh, last Halloween

when you guys pulled that
hilarious stunt on me

making me think
that Gary was dead

and that I was responsible
for it?

Yeah.

Well...

gotcha!

Now let me get
this straight, Sam.

This, this was all
your doing?

(laughing)

The exploding door
and all that damage

that you did
to your own bar?

(laughing)

The expense of paying
all the people involved?

The bus fare
to get your stooges

all the way out
to North Dakota?

It cost me a fortune!

I had to take out a loan!

(laughing)

I'll be paying it
off for ten years!

(laughing)

Well, I guess the joke
certainly is on them, isn't it?

CLIFF:
Boy, he really rubbed our noses
in it, didn't he?

CARLA:
You got to love the guy.

NORM:
I'm a better person
just knowing him.

WOODY:
Well, at least out here
we're safe from that mob guy.

NORM:
No, no, Woody.

Let me explain it to you
one more time.