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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:04,470
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:06,739
Woody.
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,641
I hear that you and Kelly
4
00:00:09,709 --> 00:00:12,011
are having a hard time
getting a wedding ring.
5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:13,345
That's right, Carla.
6
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:14,713
They're pretty expensive,
you know.
7
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,115
Yeah. That's
what I thought.
8
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,717
And you know, I'm not
gonna be able to afford
9
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:20,986
to get you kids the kind
of present you really deserve,
10
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,788
so, on the way
over here
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,025
I stopped by my bank,
and, uh,
12
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,494
I took this out
of my safety deposit box.
13
00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:30,529
Oh, Carla, that's a beaut!
14
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,164
Yeah, I know.
15
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:33,332
It's solid silver.
16
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,100
It's been in my family
for years.
17
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:37,603
My great uncle Amerigo
18
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,438
gave it to my
great aunt Sophia,
19
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,307
and then I was gonna give it
to my youngest girl,
20
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:46,045
but she inherited
the Tortelli knuckles.
21
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:47,980
Oh, Carla, I could
never take it.
22
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,282
Oh, Woody,
I-I want you to have it.
23
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,518
Well, at least let me
give you something for it.
24
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:53,886
I have $500 in my budget.
25
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:56,989
Well, if it makes you
feel better.
26
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,058
Well, you know,
the thing is,
27
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,527
uh, Kelly really
prefers gold.
28
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:02,928
Oh.
29
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,364
Well, I got it
in gold, too.
30
00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:07,700
Perfect.
31
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:09,635
Hey, does she need
any earrings?
32
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,340
(theme song begins)
33
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,777
� Making your way
in the world today �
34
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,947
� Takes everything you've got �
35
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,616
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
36
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:28,087
� Sure would help a lot �
37
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:31,990
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
38
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:35,527
� Sometimes you want to go �
39
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:40,032
� Where everybody
knows your name �
40
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:45,938
� And they're always
glad you came �
41
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:48,207
� You wanna be
where you can see �
42
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,776
� Our troubles
are all the same �
43
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:55,047
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
44
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,250
� You wanna go
where people know �
45
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:01,487
� People are all the same �
46
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:06,125
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
47
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,412
Afternoon, everybody.
48
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,147
ALL:
Norm!
49
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,782
Oh, hey, Mr. Peterson,
that's quite a haircut.
50
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,084
Yeah, well, they're only
halfway done, Woody.
51
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,821
I got a little thirsty.
52
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,823
You know what I mean?
53
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,591
Give me a beer.
54
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,961
Hi, Woody.
55
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,830
Oh, hey, Kelly.
What are you doing here?
56
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,331
I wanted to
spend the afternoon
57
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,133
with Mr. Peterson
and Mr. Clavin.
58
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,935
Boy, you've been spending
a lot of time
59
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,103
with them lately. What's up?
60
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,404
I thought it would
be a good idea
61
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:53,672
for me to get to
know your friends.
62
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,873
Why?
63
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:56,108
Because when
we get married,
64
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,177
and you turn to me
and say, "Kelly,
65
00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,878
I'm gonna spend a
night on the town,"
66
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,547
and I burst into
tears and ask you
67
00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,248
to spend just one
night at home, and
68
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:05,317
you say, "I'm gonna
be with my friends,"
69
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,787
well, I want to know
who those friends are.
70
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,458
Boy, could I sing
a couple bars of that.
71
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,460
So, what do you guys
talk about?
72
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,894
Oh, the usual.
73
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,097
How the Celtics
need a point guard,
74
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:19,732
the Sox need pitching,
75
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,201
the fact that there's an
exact replica of the earth
76
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,170
on the other side of the
sun that we can never see.
77
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,939
Wow. Really?
78
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,474
The Sox need pitchers?
79
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,843
Well, on this earth.
80
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,277
Anyway, Woody, if
you'll excuse me now,
81
00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:34,546
one of your friends is gonna
teach me how to play pool.
82
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:35,814
Oh, which one?
83
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,316
I don't remember
his name, but
84
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,786
he's the man from the CIA
who trains the Green Berets.
85
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,821
Let's go, tootsie. We're up.
86
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,893
Do you realize
it's been 18 years
87
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,928
since we've seen each other?
88
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,964
Me, too. I can't wait.
89
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,232
Okay. Bye-bye.
90
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,534
You'll never guess
who that was.
91
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:58,904
Your dental hygienist?
92
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:02,441
Come on. Be
serious. Guess.
93
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,376
Okay, I'll be serious.
94
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:05,577
I don't really care.
95
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:06,979
(scoffs)
96
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,547
Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway.
97
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:09,748
It was Mark Newberger.
98
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,251
We have not seen each other
since graduation night.
99
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,153
Oh, Mark Newberger.
100
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:17,089
We met doing The Bad Seed
in our sophomore production.
101
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,358
He was my first boyfriend.
102
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,694
I really loved him.
103
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,063
Maybe he was the only guy
I've ever really loved.
104
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,998
I don't know
why I gave him up.
105
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:29,134
Oh, I guess I wanted to go off
to college and be free,
106
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,269
that whole deal.
107
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,370
I don't know.
What an idiot.
108
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,372
Why would I ever
give him up?
109
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,408
Nobody's listening
to you.
110
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:39,945
I am trying to pretend
like I have a friend, okay?
111
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,246
Wait. What am I saying?
112
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,482
I do have a friend. I
don't need to pretend.
113
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:44,717
Mark Newberger is back,
114
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,552
and he's better than
any friend you have!
115
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:47,753
I'm sorry.
116
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,388
I wasn't listening.
117
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,726
Anybody in here
know this guy?
118
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,095
Sam! My God, what's the matter?
119
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:57,663
We found him out
in the middle of the street
120
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,964
staring at an empty
parking space,
121
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,200
muttering to himself,
shouting at people.
122
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,568
SAM:
My corvette!
123
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,470
They stole my 'Vette!
124
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,438
Frasier, have you seen
my 'Vette?
125
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,241
Oh, Sam, I'm
afraid not.
126
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,543
Well, Sam, stop by
the station house sometime
127
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:13,112
and fill out
a report.
128
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:14,713
Then you'll give me
my 'Vette back!
129
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,148
Whatever you say.
130
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,150
Oh, God.
131
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,451
I left it outside!
132
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:20,753
What was I thinking?
133
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,488
I should have
stayed with it!
134
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,356
Boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, Normie,
135
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,492
I'm gonna miss that car.
136
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,260
Here, take a look at that.
137
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,397
Wow. That's you next
to Sammy's 'Vette.
138
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:32,765
Yeah.
139
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,735
Truth be told, I, uh...
I tell the ladies it's mine.
140
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,037
Yeah.
141
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:40,673
Wait. That's not
even your body.
142
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:45,444
It's Sammy's body with
your head superimposed.
143
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,447
Yeah, you'd be surprised
what Ma can do in a darkroom.
144
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:52,151
Yeah. Yeah, we got one of, uh,
me at the Yalta conference.
145
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,219
Yeah.
146
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,656
You-You should see the look
that Churchill's giving me.
147
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:01,126
Oh. Oh. Oh!
148
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,530
I suppose one of us ought to
go over and cheer Sammy up.
149
00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:05,698
Uh, yeah, yeah.
150
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,266
Well, I'll do it.
I, uh...
151
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,368
I got a flair
for this kind of thing.
152
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,470
You just, uh, stay there
and drink your beer.
153
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,540
Okay. We all have to play
to our strengths, I guess.
154
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:15,674
Oh, Sammy.
155
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,543
Sammy, Sam, Sammy.
156
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,978
Gee, you know, I, uh,
heard about the bad news.
157
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,180
I'm really sorry, pal.
158
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:22,581
It's, uh, terrible
what these guys do.
159
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,683
You know, they, uh,
just pluck your car
160
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,652
right up off the
street and take it
161
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,821
to what's, uh, commonly
known as a chop shop.
162
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,456
Yeah, where they
163
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,658
unceremoniously dismantle it,
and after that,
164
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,361
the felons take
an acetylene torch, and, uh,
165
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,363
just methodically
cut the frame
166
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,499
into little,
tiny pieces.
167
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,901
Cliff, do you really think
any of this helps?
168
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,371
Well, it sure as heck keeps
the car from being traced, Sam.
169
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,076
(raspy voice):
Uh, hi.
170
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,244
I'm looking
for Rebecca Howe.
171
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:53,479
She's over there.
172
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,782
Rebecca?
173
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,851
My God, Rebecca,
you're beautiful!
174
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,220
Who'd have ever thought
175
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,355
that you would've developed
into this gorgeous creature?!
176
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,391
No, Mark!
Over here!
177
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,193
Rebecca, you haven't
changed a bit!
178
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,163
My God, look
at that hair!
179
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,731
If you had any more,
180
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,900
I could get you listed
as an endangered species!
181
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,735
Well, come on, turn
around, turn around.
182
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,303
Let me see.
Let me see.
183
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,406
Oh, I like it.
More to love.
184
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,041
Me? What about you?!
185
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,876
Hey, I'm bulking up
for the Olympics.
186
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,844
(laughs)
You'll never
guess what.
187
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,413
I finally gave up smoking.
188
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,848
Oh, I can tell. Your voice
sounds so much better.
189
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,183
Sam?
190
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,951
Sam, I want you
to meet somebody.
191
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,219
Sam, this is Mark Newberger.
192
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,721
Mark Newberger,
this is Sam Malone.
193
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,889
Sam owns the bar.
194
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,258
Let me go get some of
my other friends.
Okay.
195
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,593
Hey, guys, guys, I want to
introduce you to somebody!
196
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,996
Somebody stole my car.
197
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,931
Oh, I've been there.
198
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,599
Yeah? Really?
199
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,101
Yeah, my ex-lover.
200
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:52,471
First he stole my heart,
then he stole my car.
201
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:55,607
He?
202
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:58,510
Aren't you supposed
to be Rebecca's old flame?
203
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,612
Well, I'm
not that old.
204
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,316
Thank God he didn't
steal the water bed,
205
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:07,152
the lying little tramp.
206
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,355
Meow!
207
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,357
Like you were there.
208
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,828
REBECCA:
Mark,
209
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,596
I want you
to meet all my friends.
210
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,498
All right,
this is Dr. Sternin-Crane,
211
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,899
our resident
researcher.
212
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,067
This is Cliff Clavin,
213
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,737
our resident
trivia expert.
214
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:25,838
This is Norm
Peterson,
215
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,941
our... resident.
216
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,810
Uh, this is Woody,
the bartender
217
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:33,178
and Carla,
the waitress.
218
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,247
And what do you
do, Rebecca?
(whispering):
Shut up!
219
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,850
Thought I could trick
her into telling us.
220
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,820
Oh, Lilith,
I feel so victimized.
221
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,822
I feel so angry.
222
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,391
I don't know what to do.
223
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,493
Well, actually, Sam,
this is precisely how
224
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,495
victim support
groups got started.
225
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,864
People who were suffering
and unable to cope found
226
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,165
they felt better
227
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,267
if they were able to
share those feelings.
228
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,803
Well, maybe I should try
to get in one of those groups.
229
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,505
I wonder if they have
a group for people
230
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,441
who have had high-performance
automobiles stolen.
231
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:03,909
You had a
car stolen?
Yeah.
232
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,210
What kind was it?
233
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,680
'64 Corvette.
234
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,315
'57 Tee-Bird
two weeks ago today.
235
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,351
Oh, man.
236
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,087
Does it still
really hurt inside?
237
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,989
Sometimes more
than others.
238
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,991
Like, when I'm
late for work,
239
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,460
and I run out of the house
and try and jump in it.
240
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,996
Just end up in the
gutter weeping.
241
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,131
Oh, man, I hear you,
I hear you.
242
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,199
It just
isn't fair.
243
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,634
Oh, no kidding.
244
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,904
You know, when bad things happen
to good-looking people.
245
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,642
Oh, here's you
in glee club.
246
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,378
Captain of the
debate team.
247
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:40,579
Mm-hmm.
Oh, Mark, you...
248
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:42,815
Oh, look, Water
Polo Champion.
249
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,216
Oh.
250
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,752
Head of the
prom committee.
251
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,953
Most likely to succeed.
252
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,521
Are you in there,
Miss Howe?
253
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,789
Well, sure I am. Here.
254
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:57,062
I... I know I am.
255
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,931
Wait. There.
Oh, yes.
256
00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:01,133
Yes, there's my elbow
on protest day.
257
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,468
Oh.
258
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,503
What were you
protesting?
259
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,804
Oh, I-I don't know.
260
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,507
The war, cafeteria food,
the bomb.
261
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,275
Uh, it's just a real neat way
to meet kids.
262
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,644
Look at this.
263
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,346
18 years old--
264
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,448
ready to graduate
and take on the world.
265
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,950
Wait a minute.
266
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,319
You graduated from high
school when you were 18?
267
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,354
What, did Daddy
pull some strings?
268
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:28,861
(gasps)
269
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:30,963
Look at this! Look,
look, look, look, look!
270
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,198
Here's our production
of South Pacific.
271
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,969
Oh, Mark, you were the most
powerful Emile de Becque.
272
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,637
Oh, and you were a great...
273
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,140
one of the nurses that washed
Nellie Forbush's hair.
274
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,975
Hey, Kelly,
how's it going back there?
275
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,844
Oh, fine. I just came out
to get myself a soda
276
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,846
and some suds
for the Philster.
277
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,685
Kelly, why are you
doing this?
278
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,653
I want Woody's
friends to like me.
279
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:56,455
Did you buy them
a round?
Yes.
280
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,724
You'll never
get rid of them.
281
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,027
You know, Carla,
282
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,996
you're the only one
of Woody's friends
283
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,898
that I haven't
spent time with yet.
284
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:08,033
Let's you and I
have a chat, hmm?
285
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,270
I'd better put on
my thinking cap.
286
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,007
Oh, doll,
I have got to run.
287
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,175
Kiss, kiss.
288
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,343
Oh, Mark,
so soon?
289
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,178
Yeah. Well, I found
this great apartment,
290
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,681
but the rent is sky-high,
so I'm interviewing roommates.
291
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,483
This could be exhausting.
292
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,784
Later.
293
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,688
So that was
the old boyfriend, huh?
294
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:32,257
(sighing):
Yeah. Can you believe it?
295
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:35,361
How could I have been
so stupid?
296
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,963
I should have seen it
way back in high school.
297
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,132
Well, we all have
our blind spots.
298
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,002
Yeah. This one was just
staring me right in the face.
299
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,106
He is the perfect man for me.
300
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,310
I think this is the man
301
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,345
that I'm gonna marry!
302
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,646
(clapping)
303
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,892
Mr. Peterson.
304
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,227
Yeah?
It's your barber
on the phone,
305
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,461
and he says it's been two days.
306
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:10,796
He wants to know
when you're coming back.
307
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:11,797
What should I tell him?
308
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,666
Tell him what
I tell Vera.
309
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,135
Uh, he'll be home
after one more.
310
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,870
Yeah, I'll tell you,
Cliffie, uh,
311
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,138
when it comes
to photography,
312
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,773
your ma's quite
a hotshot.
313
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,107
Yeah, yeah,
she's pretty good.
314
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,375
Uh, you like
this one, huh?
315
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,777
Yeah.
316
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,813
That's me planting Old Glory
on the lunar surface.
317
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,415
Here's my favorite.
318
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,785
It's you getting
hitched to Princess Di.
319
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:37,156
Yeah, what a day
that was.
320
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,558
Excuse me,
is this where
321
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,093
the victim support group
is meeting?
322
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,494
Yeah, right over
by the office there.
323
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,696
I'll be right with you.
324
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,564
There you go.
325
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,300
Sam, uh, am I
to understand
326
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,601
that you took it upon yourself
327
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,003
to form a
victim support group?
328
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,838
I think that's
an excellent idea.
329
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:55,140
Well, actually,
it was Lilith's idea.
330
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,976
It'll never work,
I hope you know.
331
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,248
You Tom's friend?
332
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,050
Oh, yeah, I'm,
uh, Kirby,
333
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,152
1967 vinyl
covered hardtop,
334
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,289
sun fire yellow, 427
high performance engine.
335
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,423
Oh, yeah, yeah.
336
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,625
Hi, hi, I'm Sam, I spoke
to you on the phone.
337
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:16,462
'64 ragtop, black interior,
rally red
338
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,996
with, uh,
knock-off hubs.
339
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,598
Good to know you, man.
340
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,599
Yeah.
341
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,069
This is '70
342
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,504
Cutlass Supreme
convertible,
343
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,206
uh, white interior
with overdrive.
344
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:29,441
I'm sorry, I'm not very good
with names-- what's your name?
345
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,043
Sam.
Sam, right.
346
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,712
Shall we?
347
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,382
Honey, come on, sweetheart.
348
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,317
We... we got the office here,
thank you.
349
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,318
Sorry.
350
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,787
I'm almost ready
for my big date.
351
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,022
Hey, guys.
352
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,423
Don't wait up for me.
353
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,291
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
(laughs)
354
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,060
If she was only a...
355
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,928
horse with a broken
leg or something,
356
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,797
we could shoot her.
357
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,834
Well, hey,
Norm, Norm, Normie,
358
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,102
we... we've got
to tell her.
359
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,203
Come on.
360
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,072
One of us has got
to tell her-- let's go.
361
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,106
One, two, three.
362
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,174
All right!
363
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,676
My rock smashes
your scissors.
364
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,444
Oh, no, not these
scissors, pal.
365
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,946
What?
366
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,416
This is a, uh, special
titanium steel alloy...
367
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,484
Oh, give me a break!
368
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,219
Developed by NASA
for the space program.
369
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,422
These scissors would smash
your rock to smithereens, pal.
370
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,624
No, no, no, not this
rock-- this rock happens
371
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,125
to be Kryptonite, from
the planet Krypton.
372
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,760
Oh, for
crying out...
Maybe you've
heard of it, huh?
373
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:22,895
Sounds to me
like you guys
374
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:24,263
are trying to get out
of telling her.
375
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,398
Oh, well, gee, Woody,
if you're so brave,
376
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,634
why don't you, uh,
go back there and tell her?
377
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,602
All right, I will.
378
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,304
'Cause you know what?
379
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,605
That's what friends do.
380
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,040
They look out for each other.
381
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,376
If one friend knows something
that another friend needs
382
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,778
to know, then he lets them know,
even if it's difficult.
383
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,547
That's what friendship
is all about.
384
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,119
What am I supposed to tell her?
385
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,655
Tell her that her friend,
Mark, is gay.
386
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:53,025
(laughing):
Oh, I could never tell her that.
387
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,928
Okay.
388
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:57,796
Hey, girls,
here's a little trick
389
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:58,964
I learned
in high school.
390
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:02,234
You put on your lipstick...
391
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,369
then you powder them.
392
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,636
That way,
when you're making out,
393
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,505
you don't get the lipstick
all over the boy.
394
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,773
(giggles)
Aha.
395
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,308
Rebecca,
396
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,610
I believe you're laboring
under a misconception...
397
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,212
Oh, no, Lilith.
398
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,680
Rebecca, you see,
what Lilith
399
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,515
is trying to say
is that...
400
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,151
the powder isn't gonna keep
the lipstick off the boy,
401
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:22,221
but if he really cares,
he's not gonna mind.
402
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,490
Yeah.
Yeah.
403
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:26,525
So just go on out
and have a great time.
404
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,228
Oh, thank you, guys!
405
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,629
Bye!
406
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,667
Why didn't you
let me tell her?
407
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,101
'Cause it would be wrong.
408
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,736
It-It's not
our place
409
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,772
to interfere with
their personal lives.
410
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,274
That's why they're
called "personal lives."
411
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,876
It's not our place
to play God.
412
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,645
Well, actually,
I pulled down 60 big ones
413
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,148
last year playing God,
but I see your point.
414
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,983
And I owe you an apology.
415
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,218
I actually thought you didn't
want to tell her
416
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,553
so that she would be humiliated,
417
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,422
at which point you
would make fun of her.
418
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,123
See how wrong you were?
419
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,428
(door closes)
420
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,530
How was your date
last night, Rebecca?
421
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:06,198
Get lucky?
422
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,966
(laughing)
423
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,869
Okay, let's talk some
more about how we feel
424
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,238
about having our
cars stolen.
425
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,475
Alice, you want
to start off?
426
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,777
I feel empty.
427
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:20,813
Okay.
428
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,181
Empty, how?
429
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:24,817
Like...
430
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:27,186
a Crock-Pot?
431
00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:30,756
Let me... let me
just respond
432
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:31,990
to what Alice
just said,
433
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,426
you know, that...
that Crock-Pot thing.
434
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,163
Yeah, yeah, that's me.
435
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:41,266
Sometimes when I'm walking
down the street,
436
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,236
I think I see my car
out of the corner of my eye.
437
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,605
Let me, let me just
say something here, you...
438
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,908
That... that
"corner of the eye" thing...
439
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:51,543
yeah, that's me.
440
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,214
Guys, you... I just thought
of something, you know.
441
00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:57,950
I mean, maybe our cars
weren't actually stolen.
442
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,052
Maybe... maybe they
were just towed by the city
443
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,720
and it's... and it's
taking them time to...
444
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,656
to process the paperwork
and, you know...
445
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,859
and, uh...
446
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,761
(sobbing)
447
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,167
I think what Kirby's going
through here
448
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,736
is what they call denial.
449
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,172
(crying):
I feel so silly!
450
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,908
Oh, no, man, come on,
don't say that, don't be...
451
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:24,343
This is not silly;
this is beautiful.
452
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,577
This is what
it's all about.
453
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,712
You know,
I think it's true.
454
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,614
Suffering does bring
people together.
455
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:31,016
I tell you, I feel very close
to you all right now.
456
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,718
I-I just want to say I...
457
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:34,620
I treasure our friendship.
458
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:35,654
(knock at door)
459
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,922
Hey, Sam.
460
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,524
Police called--
they just found your car.
461
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,827
Okay,
meeting's over.
462
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,570
That was a great
dinner tonight.
463
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,906
I haven't had osso buco
that good in years.
464
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,774
What the hell is
osso buco anyway?
465
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,476
You don't want
to know.
466
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,246
Mark, I-I had the
greatest evening tonight.
467
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,449
Well, we're gonna have a lot
of great nights.
468
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,684
I want to pick up
right where we left off.
469
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,120
Do you want to
start right now?
470
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,255
Sure.
Okay.
471
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,424
You just make
yourself comfortable,
472
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,160
and I'll be right back.
473
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,664
I feel like we're
474
00:18:18,732 --> 00:18:20,766
in high school
again, don't you,
475
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:23,002
Marcus Aurelius?
476
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,704
Yes, I do, Beckus Aurelius.
477
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,706
You remembered
my Latin name.
478
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,907
Well, how could I forget?
479
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,075
You're the one
who got me
480
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,076
through Mr. Vincent's
Latin class.
481
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,244
(Rebecca gasps)
482
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:35,114
Oh, Mr. Vincent-- I
forgot all about him.
483
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:37,616
Oh, God, I had
such a crush
484
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,819
on that man.
(softly):
Who didn't?
485
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,292
Here I am.
486
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,430
Be still, my heart.
487
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,733
Do you like what you see, Mark?
488
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,436
It's gorgeous.
489
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:58,737
Get over here.
490
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,506
Give us a feel.
491
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,441
Okay.
492
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,416
Fabulous.
493
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,952
Give it--
is it silk?
494
00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:16,755
Rayon?
I don't believe it!
495
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,957
So what do you do, you put it
in a delicate cycle,
496
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,192
let it spin?
We have to talk.
497
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,760
Mark, stop joking.
498
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,396
You know perfectly
well that the point
499
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:28,801
of this nightie is not
laundry instructions.
500
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,503
The point of this
nightie is to...
501
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,105
To what?
502
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:37,209
You know... a
man and a woman...
503
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,745
Where?
504
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,715
Oh, Mark.
505
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:46,318
Rebecca, you know I'm gay,
don't you?
506
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,421
Why, of course, I do!
507
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,795
Why do you think I
feel so comfortable
508
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,164
wearing this in front of you?
509
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:04,403
I mean, this is my housecoat!
510
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,406
I know it's sexy,
but I paint in it.
511
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,411
You're gay?
512
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:14,680
Don't tell me you didn't know.
513
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:16,949
I mean, usually I assume
that somebody is straight
514
00:20:17,017 --> 00:20:18,550
until I find out they're not.
515
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:20,986
That's funny,
I usually assume people are gay
516
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,621
until I find out they're not.
517
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:26,225
Sometimes we find out together.
518
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,127
Oh.
519
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:30,062
I'm the one, aren't I?
520
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,932
Yeah, I'm the one
that put you off girls.
521
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,902
No, Rebecca.
No, no, really,
522
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:38,170
go ahead, you can say it.
523
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,972
I've heard it before.
524
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:47,446
Rebecca, if anything,
you confused me.
525
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:50,082
You're the only woman
I've ever been attracted to.
526
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:52,017
Thank you.
527
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,086
Oh, look at you--
you're getting goose bumps.
528
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,754
Come on, let's cuddle up
on the couch
529
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,756
with a blanket, huh?
530
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,531
(sighs)
531
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,333
So we both
like men?
532
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,335
Yep.
533
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:14,173
Are we stupid
or what?
534
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,442
They're so insincere
535
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,644
and they're
inconsiderate, rude.
536
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:22,047
They lie,
they cheat on you.
537
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,650
Men.
Men.
538
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,685
You know, things really
would have been
539
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:30,122
a lot easier
if I was attracted to women.
540
00:21:30,190 --> 00:21:32,157
Me, too.
541
00:21:35,228 --> 00:21:37,229
You want to
watch some TV?
542
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,697
Yeah, sure.
543
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,266
Maybe there's
an old movie on, huh?
544
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,004
Rebecca.
545
00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:46,605
Hmm?
546
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:48,807
What are you doing?
547
00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,442
Looking for the
remote control.
548
00:21:52,112 --> 00:21:53,645
It's on the
coffee table.
549
00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:57,349
You can't blame
me for trying.
51520
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